Jedi Knight.
Jedi.
Singular and plural all in one. Fitting for an Order so cloaked in mystery.
The word itself is imbued with power.
It's almost a given. Beings will either be afraid of Jedi...or want to worship them. Middle ground is a rare thing to find.
We seek neither. The Code makes it clear. Provides guidelines.
The world of the Jedi Order can be confusing to those granted a glimpse inside. Some see us as monkish types, meditating and thinking deep thoughts all day. Others see us as brooding, silent wielders of an arcane weapon and fearsome powers.
The young often follow us through the streets, daring one another to reach out and touch the cloak that billows along in our wake. They admire the power we wield, with no idea of the cost. Hero worship. They dream of joining the Order to see the Universe and have grand adventures.
It is a hard life.
They do not realize that at their young age.
Even on Coruscant, jaded and corrupt, soiled and polluted...there is still innocence.
But I fear that will soon be overtaken, flooded by a coming darkness I sense.
I came to the Jedi Temple as a baby. Handed over to a Knight on Search. It strikes some as a brutal thing to do. Cold and hard. To hand an infant of six months over to a stone-faced Knight, a member of a Mysterious, Secret Order.
Far worse to see that child in later years, manipulative, full of fear, pulsing with hatred....
The Dark Ones search also.
A child gifted with Force sensitivity is dangerous if left on its own. I wish it were not so, but the Dark Times loom. Sides must be taken.
Balance will be restored.
I fear our Order will suffer greatly in that balancing.
But... Jedi live for the will of the Force.
To live in the Now.
It is hard for one gifted, cursed really, in these times, with foresight.
Already the Jedi suffer.
From lack of vision. Lack of compassion. Lack of ...
Perhaps we have simply come full circle and the cycle must renew itself.
We have lost something.
On Naboo, a small, insignificant planet, rich with natural beauty, a people of culture and refinement.... We lost Master Qui-Gon Jinn.
The irony never fails to bite at me. Master Jinn was one of the Order's finest Knights. His connection to the Living Force was a thing of beauty. A lesson to every Padawan in the Temple. Master Jinn wasn't often at the Temple, but we all knew him. Knew of his fierce strength tempered with even more fierce tenderness.
I have yet to meet a more compassionate being.
The loss still resounds in the Temple.
Throughout the Universe, I fear.
Ripples of darkness are spreading.
I feel them even in the Temple.
The Jedi Council, wisest of the Jedi...
Perhaps it is best of me not to think on them. Their lack of foresight, of heeding those of us who warn them... It will affect us all for however long this Order continues.
The thought chills me, and I wrap my cloak tighter, tucking my hands deeper into my sleeves.
What do I know?
I sigh and bend my head, gaze caught by the long Padawan braid that trails down my cloak.
Peace. It gets harder to find every day.
Even here in the Temple.
I should be concentrating my attention on my upcoming trials. If my Master found me brooding this way in the garden...well, suffice it to say she would make sure I had no time left to brood. As it is, a Padawan's time alone to herself, is scarce.
This is the life I wanted. I want. To live in service to the Force, Guardian of the Republic.
Whatever is left of it...
I stand, disgusted at my negativity. Moroseness is, unfortunately, a trait of those who have foresight. It is a trait I have fought against with all that is in me every day of my life. I suppose I should accept the emotion, let it pass through me and loose it into the Force...
But I fear it wouldn't pass.
Seers have the unfortunate tendency to either be depressed or go quietly insane.
I have no desire to become a statistic in either category.
Setting my face in a careful mask of neutrality, the kind expected in the Temple, I walk back inside and let the peace of the place surround me again.
Come what may, this is home. This is my family.
I will abide. * * *
"Rastan." The child grins at me, not a bit impressed by my 'adult' tone. "It will fall to bits if you keep handling it."
"Minako..." He scrunches up his nose, clearly not believing me.
He is an imp of a child. So many of the Jedi children are solemn. Bright, loving, they grow as carefully tended as hothouse plants under the watchful eyes of the Training Masters. From the time the youngest learn to walk, to speak, they are beginning the long road to becoming a Jedi.
Not all make it.
AgriCorps and the Healers are the grateful recipients of those who, for whatever reason, are not chosen as Padawan Learners.
We Padawans are given assignments with the Littles, to hone our own skills by teaching them.
Often I think we learn more than they do.
"See?" He holds up his kite and twirls it. "It's sturdy!"
It's all I can do to not chuckle as one of the supports breaks loose and hangs at an angle.
Rastan frowns for a moment, shrugs and reaches for the glue. He grins at me as he begins to haphazardly lather glue on the kite. "It didn't fall to bits."
"Mina?" One of the other littles, a Calamari girl, leans against me. "Will we be able to fly these today?"
"There's a good breeze blowing." I smile at her and give a gentle hug.
Temple children are, for the most part, freely giving of their love and attention. I don't know if it's a lack of having real parents or simply a leftover from being raised in a nurturing environment. They trust like no others I've ever seen.
I know. I'm a product of it myself. The Master/Padawan bond is built upon that trust. Reliant on it.
"Is everyone done with their kites?" I look around at the twelve children seated at tables.
"Yes!" They chorus.
"Can we go now?"
"Before it gets dark!"
"Please, Minako, can we try our kites out?"
Laughing, I stand and gesture for them to gather up.
It's a motley group. Glue trails down faces, on tunics and pants, in hair. Paint, used to decorate the kites, shows in equal amounts on the children. Oh, I'll probably hear about this from the Training Masters. But the gap-toothed grins and twinkling eyes make it worth a month of lectures.
"Ready? Line up and we'll go."
The line isn't straight. It isn't even really a line. More like a clump of children struggling to carry kites almost as large as themselves.
I grin and herd them ahead of me.
There'll be plenty of time for straight lines, discipline and quiet solemnity in their lives.
This isn't it.
They shriek with joy as I open the door and let them out into the yard. No walking here. Running, skipping, tumbling, that's the order of the day.
The yard is an open domed area in the Temple where the Littles can play on grass and dirt -- a rare commodity on a planet-wide city like Coruscant. Large vents in the clear dome are open during the day, allowing sunshine and the breezes in. This is where the children romp, learn to grow plants, get dirty, climb trees, cartwheel... In short, where they are most child-like. The place abounds with joy and the strength of the Living Force.
Plenty of room to run, and get a kite up into the air.
Well, some of them take a little encouragement with the Force to keep from crashing. It's a small thing for a Padawan to do. A simple exercise in holding twelve paint-heavy, glue-bound objects in the air.
"They aren't learning about crafting a flyable kite if you're cheating for them."
I start at the quiet voice right behind me and the kites dip momentarily. "No, but they're here to have fun." I make sure all the kites are clear from tangling in the trees, or one another, and turn to the man, offering a polite bow. "Jedi Kenobi." I look around and let the question show in my eyes.
"Anakin is with Master Yoda." He looks at the children again, a slight smile curving his mouth.
He looks tired. Still, after these many months. Much of the joy that had been in Obi-Wan Kenobi, Padawan to Master Jinn, seems gone. Burned out in the same fire that consumed his Master's body.
I nod, unable to think of anything to say. What do you say? We all miss Master Jinn, but having the Master/Padawan bond severed so abruptly has been a shock to the young Knight.
My own Master has voiced her concerns in private to me when I broached the subject.
Jedi Kenobi is just that. A Knight now. A young man with large responsibilities and immense talent.
He has too much on his plate.
A snort next to me. "We all do what we must, Minako."
Damn. With a sigh, I shake my head. "It's not polite to eavesdrop, Jedi Kenobi."
"I didn't have to. Your expression said it all." He drops gracefully to the grass, patting it. "Sit."
I do, with a wry smile. "Note to self, work on schooling face into the proper Jedi expression."
Obi-Wan shakes his head. "Far enough of that here." He grimaces and turns his head to watch children. "Remember what it was like to be their age? When living in the moment wasn't something you had to constantly remind yourself to do, but...was?"
I nod. "Why do you think I enjoy spending time with the Littles?"
"Where do we lose that?"
He sounds wistful. Tired.
"We grow up." I shake my head, looking at him. "None of us can stay that way. We don't have that luxury."
"No."
I hesitate. It's not my place to tell a Knight how to behave. I'm a Padawan.
I'm also a friend. Someone who has known this Knight since childhood. "Jedi Kenobi-"
"Would you drop the formality, Mina?" Obi-Wan frowns and sighs. "I'm still the same person- the kid who tagged you with the mud-balloon on your name-day." A bit of the old mischievousness peeks though.
The mud balloon. I haven't thought of that for years. "Right in the face. I had mud in my ears, nose, mouth...." I mock glare at him.
He smiles, leaning back on his hands. "You got even with me later. I distinctly recall having to blow the mud out of my nose."
We both laugh, then are silent as we watch the Littles.
"Obi-Wan." I face him, waiting until he reluctantly looks at me. He knows I've never minced words, or hesitated to tell the truth. "We can't stay little, but... I think the Masters encourage us to take students of our own so that we don't lose touch with children. So we don't lose ourselves in the ugliness, the politics, the wearing of the day to day a Jedi endures." His hair is beginning to grow out of the padawan cut, and I reach out to brush it off his forehead. "You brought a heart-sore, disillusioned Knight back much of the joy of life when you became his padawan." I cup his cheek. "Don't keep shutting Anakin out. He needs you, and you need him. Qui-Gon knew what he was doing in asking you to train him."
"He's the Chosen One." His voice is tinged with bitterness, weariness. "That's why Qui-Gon made me promise to train him." Obi-Wan's blue-grey eyes look at me, full of sadness. "I'm not who he needs, Mina. He needs Qui-Gon. He needs someone more experienced, wiser." He leans his face into my hand. "I can't fill those shoes."
"Ouch!" He yelps, recoiling back, holding the side of his face I'd pinched. "What was that for?!"
"Pity party is over, Obi-Wan Kenobi." I steel myself, making my voice cool, my expression hard. "That boy needs you. He lost his mother because the Council is too hard-hearted to understand a boy's desire to see his only family free of slavery. He lost his first mentor, the man he trusted enough to leave his mother and everything familiar to him, to a Sith." I lean forward, eyes snapping angrily. "He can't lose you too! As much as you have lost, and it is a tremendous loss,...he's lost more."
I hold myself still as he stares at me, his expression going from disbelief to hurt. "I can't believe..." He surges to his feet, turns and stalks off.
Sighing, I pull my knees up and rest my forehead against them, taking deep breaths. Not now. The Littles need my attention. Here. Now.
Pushing aside my churning thoughts, I stand and join the children. * * *
Two days.
I slouch in my chair and give up on concentrating on the datapad. Alderaanian Political Treaties just can't hold my attention right now.
No. What I had said was not wrong. I knew that.
How I had said it was. I had hurt a friend who had come to me for comfort.
Some friend I was.
Why not just take your lightsabre and run it through his leg, Minako? Probably feel about the same.
Insult added to injury.
I stand. Holding still no longer an option. Gathering up the datachips and the pad, I shove them in my robe and throw it over my arm.
No sense going back to my quarters. My Master would just advise meditation.
I head for the play yard.
Its night, and the vents are mostly closed. The night sky is visible still, though no stars show.
No star burns bright enough to be seen on Coruscant's brightly lit surface except its sun.
I throw myself on the ground, leaning up against a tree. Close my eyes and try to just be still enough to sense the joy that fills the yard.
Much laughter in this place. Echoes of it could be heard through the Force.
I lose myself in that. Let my mind quiet until I feel as though my body has taken root in the ground as the awareness of every blade of grass growing, every flower budding slowly seeps into me.
I have no idea how long I sit that way, lost in pulse of the Living Force. Slowly I become aware of voices.
One deep, one higher.
I come back into myself with a start and sit up.
"Master...look at this!"
"That's a glow worm."
I know that voice.
"Watch. When it moves..."
"It's lighting up!" The childish voice is excited. "Wizard!"
I peek around the tree towards the Children's Gardens. Two figures kneel in the dirt, examining the plants.
"Brush your fingers against this one, Ani."
A soft blue glow fills the area as the plant emits a quiet hum.
"Ohhh...." The boy's voice is full of delight. "What is it?"
"It's called a Froodle's Nightlight."
"What's a Froodle?" Fingers brush the plant again, and it repeats the hum and glow.
"Froodles live on Mirtani Three and are about ...this big. You have to go deep into the forest to find them, because they're rather shy. They tend to the forest and the animals that live in it." The voice quiets slightly. "Qui-Gon and I got lost there one time and the Froodles found us."
"Were they mad at you?"
"No." Laughter. "They helped us. Gave us shelter for the night, fed us and told us stories. In the morning, they guided us back to the trail."
The pair is quiet for a moment. "Master?"
"Yes, Ani?"
Wistful, childish voice, so full of dreams and longing. "Do you think we could ever go and try and find the Froodles?"
I hold my breath.
A long sigh. "We'll see, Ani. If we're ever in that system and the opportunity presents itself, we will." A teaching tone now. "A Jedi can't always do everything he or she wants. You have to yield yourself to the will of the Force and trust it to guide your path."
A quieter, smaller voice this time. "Like you had to yield and force yourself to be my master even though you didn't want to?"
Ouch. Children are so brutally honest.
I can hear him drawing in a long breath. It's never easy, but with children, and especially Jedi children, you have to be honest. They can tell if you aren't.
"I didn't have to force myself, Ani." He sits, making himself more of a height with the child. "Everything happened so quickly. Qui-Gon and I thought we were going to Naboo for simple trade negotiations. I never expected it to escalate so quickly into what it did. Things went along so fast... First the Trade Federation trying to kill us, then finding JarJar and the Gungan City, the trip through the Core, meeting Queen Amidala and having to retreat off Naboo... Then we had to land on Tatoooine...and -"
"Qui-Gon met me and I won the pod-race!" The boy's exclamation ends in a sigh. "Then we...we had to leave..."
"You were very brave, Ani." There is real warmth in his tone. Approval. "Standing in front of the Council is not easy. Nor was hearing their rejection of you. But.." The larger figure moves forward, capturing the small chin in a hand and turning it up to face his. "You did well. Qui-Gon was proud of you." A moment's pause. "And so am I."
"You don't want to train me though. Do you?" Small voice again.
"Ani... I was a Padawan myself, not ...four months ago. We were fighting that monster Sith, then I was fighting by myself suddenly..." A slight quiver. "Qui-Gon's death hit me hard, Ani. I know you loved him too..."
"But you knew him longer." It was a frighteningly wise tone for a nine year-old.
"Since I was thirteen. I'm twenty-five now."
"He was like your father?"
A very quiet voice. "Yes."
The boy seems to be mulling that over. "I know how it feels to be without your only parent, Master." The little voice rushes on to add, "I know my mother is still alive and that's different, but you're older, and I miss her a lot, and..."
The higher voice catches in a sob, and I watch as Obi-Wan reaches out to fold the boy into his embrace.
These two have much in common. Much pain, great strength, and a need to heal.
Obi-Wan learned about compassion and caring from one of the greatest Jedi Masters. I could see Qui-Gon's traits in him as he holds the crying child and silently strokes his back in a comforting gesture.
After a little bit, the boy pulls away, wiping his face on his sleeve. "I-"
"Don't apologize, Ani. Don't ever feel bad for crying." Obi-Wan gently brushes his thumb across the boy's tear-streaked face. His eyes are a bit watery also. "I'm sorry I've been distant and harsh for the past months. Shall we see if we can begin again? Right this time?" He holds out his hand.
The little boy solemnly nods and puts his small hand into the much larger one. "I'd like that...Master."
Obi-Wan smiles, that gentle smile that he reserves only for those closest to him. "As would I, Padawan." He stands in one fluid motion, pulling the boy to his feet also. "Off with you, then. Take your bath and I'll be there shortly to see you to bed."
With a slight bounce and a giggle, Anakin is off, the door slamming shut in his wake.
Uh-oh. I see him walking towards me. Busted.
He kneels and regards me with one arched eyebrow. "Now who's eavesdropping?"
"I was here first!" I can't help laughing, but sober quickly. "You handled him beautifully, Obi-Wan."
He shrugs, grinning. "Thank you. You can thank Qui-Gon for being so damned patient with me all those years."
"He loved you."
"I know." He sighs. "What you said hurt, Minako...but...you were right."
I meet his gaze. "I'm sorry to have said it so harshly."
Obi-Wan smiles, that same wonderfully warm smile, showing I am forgiven. "C'mon." He stands and pulls me up. "I have a Padawan to tuck into bed after I make sure he actually immersed his whole body in the water this time."
Laughing, I walk with him to the door. "He doesn't like baths?"
"What boy does?" Eyes twinkle. "Growing up where water is scarce, he also thinks it's wrong to waste it that way."
"Take him to the pool before bed." I grin. "Swimming is different than bathing, you know."
"Good idea!" We walk in silence for a bit. "So...you'll take your trials soon?"
I nod, sighing. "My Master says I'm almost ready."
His grin grows a bit more mischievous. "Good."
I know that look. It's the same one I saw right before that mud balloon hit my face so many years ago. "Kenobi...what are you thinking?" I give a mock glare.
The eyes still sparkle but now it's his 'innocent me' look. We stop at the lift. I'm on this level. He's several up. "Oh, just about you as a Knight."
"What will be so terribly different about me?"
The lift opens and he steps forward, then turns to brush my cheek and wink. "Then you can take a padawan too!" He laughs as the lift doors close, leaving me shaking my head as I go to find my own Master.
Life as Jedi Knight.
Challenging times ahead. I see them in my dreams, my visions almost every night. Dark times.
I have good friends.
I'm not afraid.
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