Sometimes we all go a Little Mad

This page is NOT done yet.. this is just some stuff that i wrote.. felt like i needed to share it...




You know what? people bother me. well some people bother me. i hate liers. be honest with me. thats all i ask. dont tell me lies. if you cant base a relationship of any kind on honesty, then what can you base it on? people lie lie lie lie lie lie lie... i cant stand that shit. but you know what? i believe in a thing called karma. and if you lie to me, it WILL come back on you. so remember that the next time you lie to someone.

i guess i need an online journal eh? so i think i will start one here.

July 16, 1999


today is a boring day, but for that i am thankful. i have had so much shit going on lately. i really appreciate this day. just sitting around and not doing anything in particular. i got a new job last week. i work at the cracker box now as a cashier. its an honest living. its full time, which is a good thing, since i am moving out on august 15. i will have a lot of bills to pay then. i basically am kicked out now. i stay at Justin's house every night. Justin's parents leave on august 15, so we(me, Justin, and Steve) take over payments on the house then. its gonna kick ass anyways since we will all have our own room and stuff. i can't wait. it will give me something to do to pass my time i guess(moving in that is). sometimes i just feel like i am wasting away.. and i guess i am. i need a break from school. so i took one. i needed a break from some people, so i took that too. we dont talk anymore though a lot of us. there are 4 main people that i actually see on a daily basis and think about on a daily basis. they are: Justin, Steve, Ashley, and Dan. Dan is away right now though visiting his parents. i miss him damn it, cause hes my Dan :o) I won't get to see Ashley today because i have to go to work in a little while and she works today too i think. i will see Justin and Steve since i live with them. anyways. back to what i was saying. i am thankful for this day. im thankful also that we have actually decided where we were going. we were going to go to texas. we decided to stay here. well i know where im going in that way but i guess i will actually never really know WHERE im going. its like that Sunscreen song. "the most interesting people i know dont know where they are going when they are 20... and then 40" thats me. im 20 and i have no clue. i probably wont when im 40 either. but hey thats just me. i guess whatever makes you tick. well i need to get going.. i have work in a little while. talk to you again soon. ~~Tandi

July 23, 1999

Well well, it is i. i guess a lot of stuff has happened since the last time i wrote. i have officially moved in with Justin now. I like it there a lot though. his mom and sister(Timberly) will be there for about another month. then we are getting the house. its gonna kick ass. it already does though. his family is real nice. they are my family now too. me and Timber are painting the walls of my(whats gonna be my room)room right now. its gonna be some funky spring yellow. but its a really pretty color. it will match a lot of stuff i have, and the color tends to make me happy. anyways... clint came over the other day (he and brandy came over). they stayed and talked for a little while. it was nice. i hope we start seeing each other more. when i think about the whole situation it makes me upset, and i wonder what happened to everything. oh well, i guess things will work out the way they are going to anyway. oh yeah. Dan is back now! woohoo. we(me justin dan and steve)are going to little rock tonight to party. i have no idea exactly where it is that we are going... but its gonna be fun anyway. well for now i guess that is all. i need to get going because i am hanging out with my sister now. talk to ya sooner or later. ~*Tandi

January 23, 2000

well we did move to texas, just Justin and I. a lot of stuff happened in the times between but nothing that i should share. it would just bore you to death. maybe i will write a book oneday and you can see then. i think i could do a book though. ive done enough stuff in my life too. anyway, im home visiting this week and i dont get a chance to get online often. does anyone ever read this shit i write anyway?? probably just me. anyway, i gotta get to bed because justin is asleep on the couch and the light to the computer is probably keeping him awake. talk to you soon i guess if we ever get a computer at the apartment. later, *Tandi

July 3, 2001

Today is the first day of the rest of my life. i don't want to bore you with menial stuff. i will just say all of this. my life has had a lot of ups and downs in the last year. mainly a lot of downs. we moved back to arkansas. there was the whole Ginny incident. ive gained new friends, lost some old ones. my grandfather passed away. ive gotten lost in my boredom, drowned in my depression. justin went back to new mexico, and that was probably an ending to the whole year for me. probably what i would call 'the worst year of my life'. ive started to feel different here in the last few days even. i have been so close to waking up this last few weeks. started thinking about school again. i think im going to get my art degree and then photography school. i have had the company of good friends here lately ( a lot of julie rial and clint). they save me everyday. Earlier we went to Pine Bluff today. we went to the japanese gardens. i threw a penny in the wish pool. i think its okay to tell you my wish. i usually would have wished for justin to come home, or wished something good for someone else. but today i wished for myself. i wished that my life would start falling into place and everything would work out for me for once. and then i just got this great feeling of peace. i bought Incubus "make yourself" today. ive always thought that would be the next cd to change my life and save me.. i came home and watched Almost Famous at julie's house. i think im finally awake now. that movie is what pushed me over the edge. i now know that i have a purpose to be alive again. i am here for something. something divine. i am worthy and i am somebody. and today is the day that i feel something for the first time in a long time. im alive. im tandi again.
~*Tandi

Email: smashedpumpkin_@hotmail.com