Rzeznik Author Pairing Rating Subject


Disclaimers: (man am I getting sick of writing these!)
This is an PG-15 yaoi fic ( I think… the rating would be for the infrequent language… better ask Malfoy…) I do not own the GW characters or any of their mechas, space stations or anything good like that.
Other warnings go something along the lines of: death, death, death, death, death. Yes I had to write it five times. Wanna know why? Read on.
Please review. Please? Ah go-on. You know you wanna.

Upshot

Duo held his head and let out a long breath. Over the past ten minutes, he had become increasingly light-headed and shaky. He’d noticed the breathing of the other Gundams was becoming very labored too, just like his own. Quatre in particular looked dreadful, all the color had drained from his face and he was leant back against Trowa, looking limp and weak.

Wufei who was sat in a meditative state, opened an eye, almost as if he could sense Duo’s confusion. “You don’t recognize it?” Wufei asked simply. Duo’s frown deepened and he shook his head. “Remember what happened the last time we were here? With the ventilation system and an unbelievably well-timed mechanical override?”

Duo gaped at the Altron pilot, “You mean the air supply’s been cut off!” he exclaimed. The other three Gundams looked up in dismay at his outburst. He hadn’t been the only one who didn’t know what was going on.

Wufei nodded, “I was going to avoid saying it so that, if you figured it out for yourself, you might just want to keep it quiet and calm down, which, coincidentally, will actually help you live longer.”

“Sorry…” Duo mumbled. He sighed and leant back against the wall, not worrying much at all. They had been through this before and come out in one piece. Duo gradually felt his gut hollow out as it dawned on him. “Wufei… this… this isn’t like last time, is it? There’s no one… there isn’t a ‘something drastic’ that’s gonna happen, is there?”

“Afraid not, Maxwell.”

An invisible cloud of trepidation steadily settled over the five adolescents. The cell suddenly seemed very small and tight. Duo’s skin prickled with apprehension, he just didn’t have it in him to make jokes.

*We’re… dying? I never thought we’d get stuck in this situation again* Duo mused, staring down at the floor. He looked again at Quatre who had his head rested on Trowa’s shoulder. There was no torn look, no tears, no pain… no expression of any kind. Trowa, for once, was showing some emotion, looking down at his lover understandingly.

Duo didn’t dare look Heero in the eyes. He knew what he’d see. He’d see the same expressionless face that only he had learnt to read. He’d see behind the eyes and straight into Heero’s heart, straight into the emotions he refused to believe were there. And Duo knew that there’d be some heartrending mention of himself in those unreadable thoughts.

“How pathetic,” Heero murmured. The four pilots looked up at him, “Not my *ideal* death anyway,” he added, shuffling his feet and staring at the floor from their questioning faces. “Come on, Duo. At least you can’t tell me this is how you imagined you were gonna die.”

Duo shook his head, “Na, you’re right about that,” he said, staring out of the window at the stars, “My ideal death… hmm… goin’ out in a blaze of glory on the battlefield… and taking a whole heap of mobile dolls and OZ pilots down with me.”

Trowa nodded comprehensively, “I agree with you there,” he said, holding Quatre even more tightly to him, “I’d give anything to be able to do that right now.”

“I tried to do that,” Heero remarked uncomfortably, “but *someone*” he looked intently at Trowa, “I’m not gonna name names, decided that I was supposed to live. So that plan went south pretty fast.”

Duo stood next to him and kept his gaze at the floor, “I’m glad you were forced to live, Heero,” he mumbled quietly, the slightest hint of sadness creeping in through the edges of his voice, “even if it was only for a little while… you really gave me somethin’ to live for that didn’t involve total destruction.”

Heero smiled at his lover and turned away before his face hurt him, “How about you Wufei? Your ideal death? You might as well join in the conversation. Give us an opinion for a change.”

Wufei uncrossed his legs and opened his eyes, turning to fix his gaze wistfully on the same constellation as Duo, “Probably the same as you guys, failing that, death by a lost sword duel to somebody stronger than me who I respected and who, in turn, respected me… Winner?”

Quatre shrugged vaguely, “If I’m being honest, this kind of death isn’t all that bad,” he sighed, his face still not giving way to the tormented soul that lay beneath.

“Excuse me?” Duo piped up in astonishment.

“Well…” the Sandrock pilot began, uncertain of whether he could get his argument across in the state he was currently in, “it’s fairly peaceful, right? And I’m with all the people I love and care about the most. Realistically, I couldn’t ask for much else, could I? But, if I’m going to nit pick, I guess I would like to have died with no regrets.”

Trowa frowned, “What kind of regrets?”

Quatre blinked furiously and gulped, “Like… the fact that I never made much of an effort to get to know my sisters better. It makes me feel a little guilty. I am… was supposed to be the heir of the estate after all.”

“I know what you mean,” Heero said reluctantly, “There’s a lot of stuff I haven’t done that I really should’ve.”

Wufei sighed and sank into his own thoughts. *I wish I’d told Zechs how I felt. All the reactions he could have had seem so trivial now… unless he told me he felt the same. I had the chance of a perfect relationship and I didn’t take because I lost my nerve. I’m weak. Weak and pathetic. I don’t deserve to be a Gundam*

Trowa noticed Wufei’s pensive state, Duo and Heero also seemed dead to the world already, and turned to Quatre, “I… um… was going to give you this when we got back,” he whispered at Quatre’s expressionless face, “but we won’t… I mean… here,” he said, slipping a small box into Quatre’s hands.

“I don’t think I can open this, Trowa,” Quatre whispered back, his voice finally giving in to some of the emotions tearing him apart inside, breaking as he spoke. He knew what would be inside. “But… my answer’s yes.”

Heero held Duo tightly in his arms and smiled as Trowa kissed Quatre lightly. He tilted his own lover’s face up to meet his. At last, Duo was forced to see what he’d been avoiding for as long as he could. *I’ll miss you* Heero’s eyes said, *there’s so much I haven’t said, so much I haven’t done. I love you Duo, I hope you realize that…* Duo felt himself start to shake as he looked into Heero’s soul. The taller boy grabbed the edge of his sleeve and tenderly wiped the tears from Duo’s face.

“How long do you reckon we’ve got left?” Duo said to anyone who wanted to answer, his voice still shaking slightly.

Wufei snapped out of his daze and checked his watch, “With the number of us in this cell, I’d estimate about fifteen minutes. That is just a guess though… it might not be as long as that. More like ten minutes.”

“That’s nice,” Trowa interjected sarcastically, “I can pinpoint when I’m going to die.”

There was an awkward silence as the five boys slowly became aware that this really was “it”. That “it” was impossible to avoid. They had no way out of the room in which they were slowly suffocating. Wufei sat, trying to calm down the panic and the frustration boiling up inside him, *there’s no point in having these emotions if I can’t release them in some way* he told himself *Who am I kidding?*

“This is just not *right*!” Duo exclaimed. Heero attempted to keep him close whilst Wufei sat bolt upright. It seemed he and the American had a deeper connection that he thought. They both knew injustice when they saw it. *What a time to be realizing this* Wufei thought bitterly, *maybe I should apologize at least*

“We should not be going out like this!” Duo continued, “We’re Gundams! This is just pathetic! Nothing short of fucking *pathetic*!” Wufei could have sworn the Deathscythe pilot was reading his thoughts. Duo shouted himself hoarse before letting tears of frustration break through.

As he sank to his knees, Wufei sat beside him and simply said, “I know, Duo.”

Duo smiled vaguely and looked him in the eyes, “You know, Wufei,” he croaked, “I think that’s the first time you’ve called me something other than Maxwell… thanks man.” The Altron pilot shook his head and put a hand on Duo’s shoulder, “I’m sorry,” he whispered gently.

“What?” the American was amazed at such an out of character response.

Wufei sighed, “Living by a sense of integrity means being true to your own emotions and self… and that means knowing when I should apologize. To anyone else I would have said so a long time ago but you… you hit on something deep inside me. Something that we shared. I didn’t know what it was so I ran away from it,” Wufei’s voice shook and cracked as he spoke, “I’m sorry… I’m so, so very *sorry*.”

Duo gulped. He could easily tell that Wufei was on the verge of bursting into tears, “I’m sorry too man,” he whispered back, “I wish I’d… oh what’s the point. I can’t do anything about it now. But if I could, I would. I don’t know if that counts…”

“It means more than you can imagine, Duo,” Wufei turned his face away and swiftly wiped the tears from his face. *I am weak… strong people don’t cry. Do they? Maybe Quatre was right. That the strong are strong because they know what their feelings mean. If that’s true, it’s no wonder I’m so weak*

Heero watched the two finally make the deep, numinous connection that he’d always known was there and decided to sit down with them. Duo looked as if he was about to collapse with the weight of the emotions currently trying to drown him.

“I wonder,” Heero began as Duo leant his head on his shoulder, “if the people running this place realize you how many supporters we still have in the colonies and the Sanc Kingdom. They probably don’t understand what a big mistake they’ve just made. Oh well. Not much we can do now, is there?”

Trowa looked at the three friends sat across from them. “Thank you,” he said quietly to Quatre, “I love you.”

“I love you… too… Trowa,” Quatre managed to get out, his breathing was getting harder by the second, “I’m so tired Trowa,” he whispered, “I just want some sleep. I want to get this over with,” he added, quietly enough not to let the others hear what he was saying. His lover nodded and kissed him on the cheek.

“Do you think you can get to sleep in ten minutes?” Trowa asked. Quatre nodded slowly as Trowa lay him down on the floor next to him. “Goodnight, my love.” He gave him one last long and loving kiss before they Quatre closed his eyes and fell prey to his exhaustion almost instantly.

Wufei looked at them and sighed. “I wonder what’ll take them first, the sleep or the suffocation.”

“Whichever it is,” Duo yawned widely, feeling his stomach tie in a very sickening knot, “I think they’re onto something.” With that, he lay on his back and pulled Heero to his side, “I’m tired too.”

Heero nodded sadly and lay Duo’s back across his chest, just as if they were going to sleep. Wufei lay back too, tilting his head to stare out of the window. He thought of Zechs. He thought of the once he’d been held so tightly in his arms. *I could’ve died then* Wufei grit his teeth and unconsciously whispered, “I’ll miss you.”

Duo looked at him pityingly, feeling so disheartened by knowing that Wufei was completely alone, that he didn’t have his own version of Heero, like Duo had. He looked at the arm nearest to the Altron pilot’s head and then gently took hold of one of his hand. Wufei smiled to himself as he felt Duo’s fingers close around his own and wrapped his hand around them tightly.

The American sighed and gave his last statement, “I’ll see you on the other side guys.”

~end~

Rzeznik Author Pairing Rating Subject