Marin Author Pairing Rating Subject

Gundam Wing Bloopers: What you never got to see on the show.

Opening Sequence:

Director (D): Quiet on the set. Opening sequence, take one. And....action!

*Music begins to play, the camera starts scanning across Heero Yuy's ice cold stare.*

D: CUT! Heero, don't blink! You have to keep your eyes *still*

Heero: Hn...

D: Take two. Action.

*Music*

D: Heero! No blinking! Take three. Action!

*Music*

D: Dammit, Heero! Someone grab me a roll of scotch tape!

*Director tapes Heero's eyes open, so that he can't blink.*

D: Take four. Action!

*Music*

D: Wait a minute! You can see the scotch tape. Heero, put your hand over your face like this. *Shows Heero his pose*

Heero: But then no one will be able to see my face!

D: No one's supposed to see your face! You're mysterious. Just do it! Take five. And...Action!

~~~~~~

D: Relena, I want you to stand up for a moment, then you bend down and brush a bit of snow off of the teddy bear's head. Then we're going to get a close up of your face. Look thoughtful, alright?

Relena: Okay.

D: Opening sequence, Relena, take one. Action!

*Music. Relena stands in the middle of a snowfall a moment. As she bends down to brush off the snow, she lets out a loud, juicy fart and turns completely red.*

Relena: Oh, my god! CUT, CUT!!!

D: *fufufu* Relena, let's try that again, shall we?

Relena: Yes, please.

D: Take two, action!

*Music plays. Relena is standing. As she bends down, she slips on the ice and falls flat on back.*

Relena: I can't work under these conditions!! Somebody call my agent!

D: *Sigh* Just try it one more time, Relena....Action...

*Music. Relena finally is able to brush the snow off the teddy bear's head. The camera zooms in for a close-up of her face. She's smirking goofily and crossing her eyes.*

D: CUT!! Relena, I thought I told you to look thoughtful, not stupid!

Relena: I was looking thoughtful! I was thinking about a joke Dorothy told me this morning.

D: That's not looking thoughtful. That's looking stupid! Don't think about a joke. Think about something serious, okay?

Relena: Why should I listen to you!? I'll think about what I want to think about!

D: You should listen to me because we're *paying you!* Now take your position and get it right this time, or you're fired and your character will be cut out of the script entirely! ACTION!!

*Unfortunately for all Relena bashers, she got it right this time and was kept in the show.*

~~~~

D: Where are Treize and Zechs!? Their part in the opening sequence is coming up!

Duo: They're in the closet.

D: What the hell are they doing in the closet?

Duo: What do you think?

D: @.@ Somebody go spray them with the water hose and get them out here!!!

~~~~

Behind the scenes:

Duo strode up beside Heero, who was reading a magazine, with his hands behind his head. "So, Heero. I hear you had to try *five* times to get your opening sequence right."

Heero sneered at Duo. "So?"

Duo smirked proudly and plopped down next to Heero on the sofa. "I only had one. Man, you suck."

Heero placed the magazine back on the table and glared at Duo. "I suck?"

"Yep."

"Oh, really?"

"Yep."

"I may *suck* at acting, but I can still kick your ass, girly boy." Heero then proceeded to punch Duo in the arm.

"ITAI! Okay, okay, I get the hint. Sorry.... Oh! I'm going to have a bruise on my beautiful, fair skin! MAKEUP!!!!!" Duo screamed as he leapt off the sofa and charged full speed down the hallway to the makeup room.

Duo flung open the door to see Quatre leaning over a sink, getting the black dye washed out of his hair. "Quatre?"

"They're making me get rid of my beautiful black hair!" Quatre wailed from the sink.

Duo laughed at him and sat down in a chair. "That's alright. You looked awful with black hair."

"Kisama! I liked my hair, so shut up!" Quatre said as he began to flail his arms around in an attempt to hit Duo in the chair next to him. The make-up artist jerked his hair and told him to sit still. A single tear trickled down Quatre's pale little cheek. "My beautiful hair..."

"Why did you want to look like Shinji Ikari, anyway? That guy's a dope."

"HE IS NOT! He's wonderful..."

"Whatever..."

~~~~

Trowa scratched his neck a bit more. That damn turtleneck was driving him mad! "Trowa, it's time for you to get your hair and makeup!" Someone called out from the room to his right. Trowa set down the magazine and opened the door. A fat woman with hideous, puffy hair and a ton of makeup was smoking a cigarette. She motioned at the chair and ashes fell onto the seat. Trowa sat on them. "My name's Shirley. Oh, I have the perfect hairstyle for you!" Shirley grabbed up the long brown tresses of Trowa's. His hair was straight down and shoulder length. She scraped it all forward with a comb and applied a massive amount of gel and hairspray, but it just wouldn't stay horizontal.

Shirley sighed. "Your hair just doesn't want to agree with me today. Time to break out the heavy artillery." She went to the back room and got an extra large tube of super glue. She held out the strands of hair with a comb and applied blobs of the glue liberally to his hair. After a moment of combing, the comb got stuck in the back of his head. "Uh oh..."

Trowa's now only visible eye widened. "Uh oh??"

"Well...I thought this was the super hold hair gel. I guess I grabbed the wrong tube. The comb's stuck. I guess I'll just have to cut it out." She proceeded to trim away the back of Trowa's head until it was short cropped close to his scalp. It was originally going to be long in the back, but I guess this would just have to do. "There we go. You look great!"

Shirley placed a hand on her chin. "Although...with this being super glue and all, I doubt it will *ever* come out. Your hair's gonna be stuck like that for quite some time."

"It looks awful."

"Nonsense!" Shirley said as she blew a puff of smoke in his face. "Hey, you'll never have to comb it. And you don't have to worry about hat hair, because you can't wear a hat!" She laughed heartily and sent Trowa on his way. "Next!!"

Zechs entered the room warily. After seeing what Shirley had done to Trowa, he wasn't sure if he wanted anyone touching his beautiful long blonde hair. Shirley immediately gave him a smile and an okay sign. "Your hair looks great. Nothing to be done there!"

"Wonderful!" Zechs rejoiced.

"Although...come have a seat." Zechs sat down in the ash filled chair and stared at Shirley in the mirror. She went in a back room and brought out a large metal helmet, which she plopped down on his face.

"What's this?" Zechs asked, taking off the mask and staring at Shirley.

"Well, honey, you have a pimple on your forehead. We can't have you making your fist appearance with a crater that big!"

"Can't you just cover it up with makeup?" Zechs asked as he scratched at the large red bump. "If I wear this, no one will be able to see my beautiful face."

"That thing's way too big to cover with makeup, and even if I did, it would look like you had a rather large, bulky cist under your skin. You don't want imperfections, now, do you?"

"No..." Zechs sighed as he grabbed his helmet and sulkily left the room.

"NEXT!!!"

Noin walked into the room, her long, long, *long* red hair trailing behind her. Shirley immediately shook her head. "That simply will *not* do. We have enough long haired people in this show."

"So? Why can't we just have another?"

Shirley ignored Noin and grabbed a pair of scissors. She stared at them a moment, looked at Noin's hair, then placed them back on the table and went into the back room. "Your character is strong-willed and independent," she shouted as she rummaged through some boxes. "You need a more masculine hair cut. You're strong and manly."

"But I like my hair!"

Shirley ignored her again and exited the room with a large pair of garden hedge trimmers. She grabbed up a hug hunk of hair and whapped it off. Noin immediately bursts into tears and to whined, "My hair! My hair!"

"Don't cry, deary. It'll look good when I'm finished." She chopped it off very short and then styled it forward and sprayed it with hairspray. "Something's still missing..."

"Yeah...my hair is missing!!"

"No..." Shirley looked thoughtful a moment then snapped her fingers. "Got it!" She grabbed a bottle off the table and dragged Noin over to the sink. She dyed the red hair purple, and her eyebrows. Noin cried the entire time. As she exited the room, she began mumbling something about pineapples and can openers and bunnies taking over the world. She'd lost her mind. "NEXT!"

Dorothy entered the room, puffing up her short, 80's hairstyle with a comb. She'd teased it into a large fluff of tangles. Shirley shook her head and set her down and brushed out the tangles, which was no easy task. After an hour of combing, and thirteen broken combs and three tangled combs that had to be cut out of the blonde hair, Dorothy ended up with slightly lower than shoulder length hair with large gaps and uneven ends. Shirley shook her head again. "We need someone with long hair anyway..." she said and began to apply hair extensions to Dorothy's uneven cut until it ended up even and *very* long. "Looks good..."

"Yes, it does," Dorothy said as she left the room smiling proudly. She flipped her hair at the bawling Noin crouched in the corner.

"Next!" Shirley shouted as Sally entered the room. "Oh...your hair's fine. We'll just style it up a bit." Sally sat down in the chair and closed her eyes to relax as Shirley worked on her tresses. She then fell asleep.

A moment later, Sally was awoke to take a look at her new self. "Oh my god!!" she shouted as she tugged at the long, wound up braid type twists. "What did you do!?!"

"I think it looks good," Shirley said as she sprayed it down with more hairspray.
"I look like I have candy canes sticking out of my head!"

"Nonsense..." Shirley said as she shooed Sally out the door. "Next!"

Hilde stepped into the room, wearing her stupid little beret. Her long purple hair trailed down to the small of her back. "Oh, you have such beautiful hair!"

"Thank you," Hilde said as she flipped it over her shoulder.

"I'll just give it a quick trim to make sure it's even." Shirley sat Hilde down in the chair and began to trim the ends as Hilde began to babble mindlessly about her love, Duo, and how excited she was to be his girlfriend in the show. She jerked here and there and waved her hands wildly for emphasis. "You really should hold still," Shirley said as she started trimming the hair shorter...and shorter...and shorter. Hilde ignored her and continued talking.

After nearly an hour of slow trimming and constant moving by the brainlessly retarded Hilde, Shirley let out a sigh and said, "Now, look at this. you just couldn't sit still, could you?"

Hilde finally glimpsed in the mirror and gasped. "My hair!"

"It's your own fault. That's what you get. I'm just going to leave it like this, all spiky and weird and messed up and maybe next time you *will* hold still!"

Hilde left the room crying. Hahahahaaaaa...

"Next!" Heero and Duo peeked their heads in. They entered the room together and sat in the chairs. Shirley went to Duo first and felt of the long strands of hair trailing down his back. "We can't have all this hair getting in the way..." she said to herself.

"You're not going to cut it, are you!?!?!"

"Oh, no, I'd never imagine cutting hair this beautiful. How about we just put it up in a nice braid for you?"

Duo let out a sigh of relief and Shirley braided his hair before going over to Heero mop of dark brown hair. "Tsk...tsk..." she said to him. "Do you ever comb this?" she said as she grabbed a comb and tried to rake it through. It wouldn't budge. The teeth of the comb wouldn't even enter the hair. "hmmmm..." Shirley said to herself.

"You can't comb my hair," Heero informed her.

"Oh? Why is that?"

"I saw what you did to everyone else, so I did something to prevent the same thing from happening to me. My hair's staying the way it is."

"What did you do?"

"Gundanium reinforced hair poxy..." Heero said, smirking.

Shirley shrugged and sent them on their way. "It looked alright, anyway. NEXT!"

Lady Une and Cathrine entered the room. Shirley told Lady Une she reminded her of Princess Leia from Star Wars, and that gave her an idea. She immediately put her hair into two ponytails and braided them, then pinned them in buns to the side of her head.

"This looks ridiculous," Lady Une informed her.

"Yes, it does, doesn't it? Here, bun-head, put these on." She handed Lady Une a pair of glasses with no frames.

"Great..." Lady Une said to herself as she left the room. "This is just great. What is Treize going to think of me now? I look like a dork!"

"Cathrine, dear, what's with your head?"

"I shaved it," Cathrine informed her.

"Why?"

"It's just my style. My brother likes it. He said I looked good," Cathrine answered as she rubbed her squeeky clean head.

"He was probably playing a trick on you, dear," Shirley mumbled to herself as she placed a wig on Cathrine's head and used a staple gun to keep it in place. Her head was too slick, and the wig kept sliding off. "Next!"

Wufei and Treize entered the room. Shirley immediately shooed Treize away, saying, "Your hair is so perfect! Everything about you is perfect! You don't even need makeup!"

"What are you going to do to me?" Wufei asked timidly as he squeaked down into the chair.

"You'll see..." Shirley answered as she combed his hair back. She tugged *hard* and tied it back at the nape of his neck.

"This is giving me a headache. It's too tight," Wufei complained, tugging at the tie, trying to loosen it up. It wouldn't budge.

"It'll loosen up," Shirley reassured him as she applied a very generous amount of hair gel to his scalp to slick down the split ends and flyaways. She sent Wufei on his way as he complained of a headache, and slumped down into the chair. "NEXT!"

Relena walked into the room , her long, thick tresses flowing freely and beautifully. Her hair was so lovely. So crisp and clean and shiny. Shirley stood from her chair and waved Relena over. "Great hair," she said as she ran her fingers through its' length. "We'll keep it simple." She lit another cigarette as she began combing it. She sat the butt down in the ashtray and braided two tiny braids in her hair, one from each side of the head, right above her ears. She hooked them together with a tiny clasp in the back and handed Relena the mirror.

Relena looked at her reflection and smiled. "Lovely. Thank you," she said as she got up from the chair.

"Wait a minute!" Shirley called as she picked up her cigarette from the ash tray. "We need to spray your hair so that it doesn't come loose." Relena sat back down in the chair and Shirley pulled out a can of aerosol hair spray (is this just *too* predictable?). "Now hold still," she said as she began spraying down Relena's head. She moved around to the front to spray the bangs, but a few pieces were sticking up, so she went to press them down...with the cigarette in her hand...and *WHOOSH!!!* Relena's entire head of hair, including her eyebrows, lit up as the flames shot from the can and cigarette combination.

Shirley grabbed a bucket of water and threw it on Relena as she was rolling around on the floor screaming. The flames went out with a sizzle and Relena was entirely bald, and charred, for that matter. Shirley shrugged and gave her a wig with the same hairstyle and sent her on her way. "Oh, and dearie, you should definitely go to makeup next. You've got a few boils on your skin from the fire...and that acne is *awful*...and that facial hair? You really should consider a waxing. And see if costume can give you a pump up bra. And a girdle...and..."

"Alright!!" Relena screamed and she left the room, coughing dust and smoke.

Heero popped his head out from the back room. "Is she gone?"

"Yes, Heero, she's gone."

Heero let out a sigh of relief and walked over to Shirley. "I did what you asked to her, now where's my money?"

Heero handed her a wad of bills and left the room, smiling as brightly as ever.


~~~~


Marin: Didn't anything else good happen the first day of shooting?

Duo: Not in the opening sequence, no.

Quatre: Why do you have to tell everyone about my black hair? And, Duo, Shinji is not a dope!

Duo: *rolls eyes*

Marin: Because, Q-tip, everyone should know that truth about you. *fufufu* And your obsession with Shinji. *Laughs*

Quatre: It's not an obsession!

Trowa: My hair's still stuck like this.

Marin: Don't you ever wash it?

Trowa: I don't need to.

Heero: I really didn't like the director taping my eyes open...

Marin: *rolls eyes* Bye everybody!

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