Raindrops on Roses

The rain slid down the window pane in heavy droplets, glistening in the moonlight. A soft glow spread across the room, the blurred shadows creating a gloominess that mirrored my thoughts. Peaceful, yet so lonely...

I guess that I've brought this upon myself, the loneliness. That's what I deserve for shutting everybody out. But it's not like anyone would understand. I couldn't begin to tell them about the type of life I lead. The ties that bind me to my loneliness, the life of a murderer.

No matter how I look at it, that's what I am. I've come to accept it. And why am I doing this? I don't even know if she'll ever wake up. What would I tell her if she did? Would I go by my other name, the one I gave up? Would she accept me? Probably not. Not a life stained with blood. I will always be lonely.

As I roll over to face the window, the sheets twist between my legs, tangling me up and trapping me in place.I watch as several more raindrops glide down the glass like a trail of tears. Tears that will never fall again. How long has it been since I cried? Since I showed any emotion at all?

I am so consumed in my thoughts that I don't hear the soft knocking on my door, totally oblivious to the quiet footsteps traveling across my room and the voice whispering my name. His cold hand closes on my bare shoulder, catching me off guard. I let out a girlish scream, one that makes the blood rush to my cheeks with embarrassment. Since when do I scream? And even better yet, since when do I blush? Thankfully, the darkness can conceal it.

"Ummm... Aya-kun... Daijoubu desu ka?"

I just stare at him for a moment, my mouth gaping open and my eyes adjusting to his presence.

"Hai" I answer, regaining my composure, the coldness slipping back into my eyes, my mask back in place.

"Do you need something?" I ask.

Why on earth is he in here? At this time of the night, none the less. I try to turn away from him and am suddenly aware of how trapped the sheets have made me. Rather than make a scene of trying to unravel them, I decide to stay in place. I guess I will have to deal with him seeing my expressions this time. I'm not in the state of mind to control them.

"I... heard noises, so I knew you were up. Gomen, I was just... just lonely."

My eyes have deceived me, for they are showing more concern and understanding than I've ever dared to show him. I know that he's noticed it because his own eyes have grown as big as saucers at my expression. I would laugh at the situation, but then he would think that I'm mocking him, which I'm not. I think that it would scare him any ways; he has never heard me laugh.

I rest my hand on his, which has continued to grip my shoulder. I've always let my actions speak for me. I'm not very good with words.

"Wakarimasu, Ken-kun."

He squeezes my hand and I realize that he's shaking. Now that catches me off guard. I'm used to him being emotional, but I don't think that I've ever seen him this upset. I raise my eyes to his as a single tear slides down his cheek.

Loneliness. That awful emotion that I thought only I felt. Why hadn't it occurred to me that the others might feel the same? Does Ken feel the way I do? Lost, with nobody to talk to? Does he understand?

He draws in a deep breath as I raise my hand to his face. Does he think I'm going to hurt him? I would never. I slowly brush my finger against him, whipping the tear away. *Don't cry, Ken. You're not alone.* Now he's staring at me, eyes wide, mouth slightly open. Did I do something wrong?

Realization hits me the same time as the taste does. Tears are salty. I'd forgotten. I've involuntarily brought my finger up to my lips. No wonder he's looking at me like that. I break my eyes away from his, distressed at this last action. *What do you think you're doing?!* I reprimand myself. *You do not do this to your team mates, let alone Ken!*

My thoughts are broken as I feel his hand on my own face, confusion in his eyes. His hand slides up and into my hair, running it between his fingers. I shut my eyes at the feeling. So soothing... No one has ever done this before.

"I'm real, Aya... Are you?"

*Am I? Me, the porcelain doll with no feelings, unable to cry, unable to laugh? Unable to live?*

"I don't know."

I'm staring into his eyes again, overwhelmed by their beauty. They have so much feeling in them. Unlike my ice cold ones, his are real with real feeling. I suddenly sense something that wasn't there before, sparkling in his eyes. I don't get a second chance to look, though, because they shut as he whispers to me. I almost don't hear him.

"Let's find out."

Before I can contemplate this offer, his lips are pressed against mine. His warmth surrounds me as his arms wrap around my neck. At first I'm frozen, unable to move. Maybe I'm not real after all. But I don't push him away. I should, but I don't. I want to know what he's feeling. Heat spreads over my body as I realize that I am returning the kiss. *What am I doing?!*

"Ken... I..."

"Shhh... don't..."

For some reason, I listen to him. He takes this moment of thought to his advantage and slips his tongue into my mouth. It slides over mine like silk, calming me with its tender caresses. I slowly raise my arms to wrap around him and pull him closer. My hands run over his back, the muscles tensing under my touch. Was he wearing a shirt when he came in? I guess not. I wasn't paying attention at the time. Now he is laying down beside me on my bed, wrapped up in my arms as I am wrapped in his. He breaks away from me and I open my eyes to his gaze. This time I catch it, what I missed before. Love... It's love I see in his eyes.

I pull him close again. This time it's me instigating the kiss. My heart feels as though it might burst. I can't concentrate on anything except the look I saw in his eyes. He's here... with me. He understands me, knows my pain. I feel his heart beating against mine, just as fast. How long has it been since I felt like this? I don't think I ever have. Not like this, not for anyone. Every other feeling seems insignificant in comparison. Is it love? Can I actually love? Maybe... I hope to find out. Either way, I know I'm alive. I've never felt so alive.

"I am real..." I whisper, a small smile creeping upon my lips.

He smiles at this, a real smile, not the fake smile that I've seen him flash so many times over the past few months. I wonder how long he's felt like this?

"Of course you are, baka," he jokes.

This time I laugh. It feels so good to laugh, to let another share your feelings. He laughs with me.

Fear sparks in the back of my mind and I hold him tight.

"Don't leave me."

His beautiful brown eyes look up to meet mine. Again, I see the love there. This time I return it.

"Never." he whispers.

His hand reaches up to touch my face. Before I realize what's happened, he brushes his fingers across my eyes and touches them to his lips, savoring the taste. They are not of sadness, though. For the first time in a long, long while, I am truly happy.

He rests his head against my chest as I begin to fall asleep.

The rain continues to fall.


~FIN~

Lemon Princess Author Pairing Rating Subject