Disclaimer:

I do not own Weiß Kreuz or any of its characters. I just love them to no end and have a very twisted imagination. Please be aware that I am extremely poor so suing me will do you no good. Thanks.

Warning: NC-17 / Lemon -- Yaoi / Angst / Songfic

Pairing: Aya x Yohji

FYI: song lyrics

Author's note:

I was originally working on one of my GW fics when a music video I was 'listening' to caught my attention. I loved the song it was based on so much that I decided to download the other songs released by the band playing it. As I went through each song I had downloaded, a particular song struck me immediately. I just knew I had to write a fic around it. And who better to write about than Aya and Yohji, one of my fav yaoi pairings?

Sooo, here is Defy Not the Heart, my very first songfic 'ever' (and my first attempt in writing in first person), based on Evanescence's Bring Me To Life (not the album version). I hope you guys enjoy it. I also hope that I have done Aya and Yohji justice with this piece.

Special thanks go to Anney, Nev, and Nekojita for their help and wonderful feedback.

Well, that's it for now. Scroll down and enjoy the read. And please, don't forget to review.

Thanks to all,

Forsaken

Defy Not The Heart

"Dammit, Aya. When are you going to learn to trust me?" you demand angrily, looking at me with so much hurt that I nearly turn away.

But I don't turn away. I can't.

Instead, I just stand there, looking at you with the same pain echoing in my own eyes, as a part of me begs you to see what I myself have refused to acknowledge for so long. But even as I do so, I once again ask myself why I've let you get so close, let you see what no one else has seen since the other part of me, the part of me that held warmth and caring, died years ago. What is this power you wield over me?

How can you see into my eyes

Like open doors.

Leading you down into my core

Where I've become so numb.

"I can't do this anymore," I hear you say suddenly, the words filling me with …… fear? "Maybe I should just leave. It's what you've wanted from the beginning, isn't it?"

You're right. It's what I've wanted since I first began to feel an inexplicable pull towards you, one that I couldn't control or dismiss with little effort. So why? Why am I crying inside? What is this deeply seeded panic that's now gripping my heart in a tight vise, squeezing it with my every breath? Why is the thought of you leaving me breaking me in two?

I realize then, in that moment, that instant, the truth I've been stopping myself from conceding to.

I need you and I can never let you go.

Without a soul

My spirit's sleeping somewhere cold.

Until you find it there and lead it back

Home.

My heart suddenly rams into my chest, the pain of it nearly driving me to my knees, as I stare into your teary jade eyes. Gods, I do need you. I need you more than my very breath. Why has it taken me so long to understand what my heart's been telling me since the very first time I opened my eyes and saw you looming over me?

Memories of us together suddenly flash before my eyes, reminding me of all that we've shared these past couple of months, filling me with a feeling I hadn't realized I'd been craving. And as you begin to turn away, taking my silence for yet another show of rejection, my mind and heart scream in unison.

No! I can't let you go! I can't let the darkness claim me once again. Not when I've been blessed with your presence, with the light only you can exude upon my bleak world.

So I reach for you, grabbing your hand as you turn away from me, and I bring you roughly into my arms. "I'm sorry," I say desperately, feeling scared and lost at the thought of not having you with me.

And as I feel you begin to tremble against me, I close my eyes and hold you tightly within my embrace, breathing in your scent, silently begging you to hear my heart's plea.

Wake me up inside.

Wake me up inside.

Call my name and save me from the dark.

Bid my blood to run.

Before I come undone.

Save me from the nothing I've become.

"Please," I whisper into your ear, praying for a second chance, "Don't let me go."

Bring me to life.

You tense in my arms and pull away slightly, your beautiful eyes staring into my own with little shock. "Why?" you ask me in a hoarse whisper. "Why?"

I swallow, suddenly afraid and unsure of the emotions coursing through me, dictating to be heard and accepted. I'll readily admit that I'm more than terrified of trusting you. But as you look at me with your heart in your eyes, waiting for me to answer the hope within your emerald gaze, I take a deep breath and allow a wave of calm to wash over me.

I know now what I must do, what I must say. And it's time for me to admit it not only to myself but to the one responsible for my continuing existence.

You.

"I can't lose you. You're the part of me that I didn't know I was searching for." I'm nervous as the words leave me and I wonder if I'm making any sense, but the look in your face, the utter joy in your eyes now pushing away the despair that had been lingering within them, is enough to press me forward, to open my heart even further. "I love you, Yohji. I love you."

"Aya."

I shake my head, prompting you into silence with the gentle touch of my finger over your sweet lips, as I try to express my feelings, feelings that I'm yet to understand but am now willing to believe in. "I know that sometimes it doesn't seem like it …… but I do love you. And even though, I don't deserve to be with you -- to have you with me, I can't let you go. I can't."

Now that I know what I'm without

You can't just leave me.

Breathe into me and make me real

Bring me to life.

I look into your glittering eyes, marveling at their beauty, and pour all of the love I have for you into my own, hoping beyond hope that I can finally show you what's imbedded in my heart. "I can't live without you, Yotan. You're everything to me. Everything."

A lone tear slips through the long dust colored lashes of your left eye and I follow its shimmering trail along your smooth cheek, completely mesmerized. Belatedly, I realize that your fingers are skimming my own face and it's only then that I feel the wetness beneath your touch.

I'm crying. I'm actually crying, something I haven't done since I lost my family long ago to the madness of the world I've come to despise. I instinctively want to stop the tears from flowing, to turn away from your caring gaze, to hide the evidence of my growing weakness from you, but I find myself unable to do so. How can I when you're doing the same exact thing? When you're sharing your pain, your hope …… your love, with me?

Once again, I want to declare my love to you, but before I know what's happening, your mouth is covering my own and you're pushing me backwards toward the bed we've shared countless of times. My arms close around you without hesitation, crushing you to me, and we land on the soft mattress with a slight bounce, your body on top of mine.

Over and over again, our lips meet, our tongues brush up against each other, as our hands explore yet again the contours of our bodies, each curve, each hard plane, a new discovery to be admired. Heat arcs between us, as we quickly divest ourselves of our clothing, weaving a sizzling path along our skin, pushing us forward into a haze of lust and need that can never be fully sated.

Wake me up inside.

Wake me up inside.

Call my name and save me from the dark.

Bid my blood to run.

Before I come undone.

Save me from the nothing I've become.

This is what I want. What I need more than anything in this godforsaken world. To have you beside me, showing me that life is worth living.

Bring me to life.

"Gods, I love you, Aya. I love you so much," you sob into the air, as I finally enter you with one swift thrust, and I feel my soul rejoice at the words.

I look at you as you writhe above me and I swear, with a growing desire that almost frightens me, to make you scream my name again and again. Your beauty, inside and out, astounds me, enraptures me, and I can not begin to express to you what that means to me. All I can do now is show you with my body, with my every touch, how much I love you, how much my life depends on you and you alone.

Frozen inside without your touch

Without your love, darling.

Only you are the life among the dead.

Your hands roam over me, touching me everywhere, as your lips meld into my own. Desire spikes to a new level, piercing me in ways I can never describe, as your hips move back and forth, holding my body inside of you as if you're never going to let me go.

Bring me to life.

When your mouth releases mine and your lips trail down my chest, I cry out as the warmth of your mouth finds my sensitive nipples and begins to worship them, nipping at them hungrily before your tongue swirls around them in a silent apology. And as you quicken your pace, riding me without abandon, I know then what you're telling me, what you're proclaiming.

I'm yours. Only yours.

I growl suddenly, unable to contain the animalistic lust you always invoke within me, and I flip you over, pinning you beneath me. You whimper as I proceed to take you savagely, entering you with swift, hard strokes, and I can't help but revel in the satisfaction surging through me, the sounds emanating from your gasping mouth nearly driving me insane with lust. You're mine as surely as I am yours, and now that I'm no longer afraid of what I feel for you, no longer afraid of the person that you've resurrected within me, I have no qualms in claiming you fully, in branding my mark of ownership upon your body, upon your very soul.

The intensity of our lovemaking escalates and I can feel the pleasure I've been riding straining to reach its apex. Knowing that I can't hold on to my control for much longer, I lower my head and, with my mouth, latch onto your smooth neck, biting into the tender flesh none too gently, just as my hand wraps around the hard length trapped between our bodies.

"Aya!" you practically scream, as your body begins to shudder beneath me, as your hands clutch at my shoulders in desperation, and I become relentless, needing to see you shatter.

My hand tightens around you, as my own body begins to tremble uncontrollably in response to your mounting passion, and I intensify my movements, practically slamming my arousal into your warmth, seeking to bring us both to completion.

Sweat trails down my back and along the sides of my face as I pull away from you just enough to focus my violet eyes on your face and I am yet again struck by your exquisiteness. Your hair, damp with sweat, curling around you like a golden halo, calls out to me and I bury my hands within the silken locks, relishing in the feel of their softness as they wrap around my fingers. Almost mimicking me, you raise your hands up to my wayward eartails and use them to your advantage, pulling me down to you until my lips are once again covering your own.

Wake me up inside.

Wake me up inside.

Call my name and save me from the dark.

Bid my blood to run.

Before I come undone.

Save me from the nothing I've become.

In a sudden flash of white, pleasure consumes me, overriding all thought, and shatters my control with a force beyond comprehension. I release your mouth and throw my head back with a shout, feeling my body burst free, filling you with my fulfillment in a continuous torrent of bliss.

You cry out a moment later, as I touch the treasure inside your body, and you arch into me, screaming in ecstasy, finally joining me in euphoria. I nearly pass out from the sensations threatening to tear me apart as your body pulsates around me and your legs wrap around my waist, crushing me to you. It is a moment in time that I will never ever forget.

Unable to hold myself up any longer, I let myself fall onto your slick body. And as I feel your arms close around me, I bury my face into the crook of your neck, my body still shuddering with the aftershocks of our union. Peace settles over me as you press a kiss into my hair and, as I close my eyes, I whisper the words that I should've said to you long ago. "Thank you."

I feel you smile against my forehead and joy rushes through me. You understand, don't you? You understand why I'm thanking you. I can't help but smile at the realization. How could I have ever doubted otherwise? I sigh contentedly and kiss your shoulder in appreciation of your acceptance before I rest my head against your chest, not even attempting to move off of your heated form. My eyes begin to close, as your breathing calms, and for the first time since a man named Aya came to be, I'm not afraid of what the darkness will bring.

You saved me, saved me from the void, full of despair and shadows, I had willingly fallen into …… You saved me from myself. For the mercy you've shown me and the love you've selflessly given me, I will forever be grateful to you.

I will love you with all that I am, with the heart that now only beats for you.

Bring me to life .

The End

Forsaken Author Pairing Rating Subject