Disclaimer:

I do not own Weiß Kreuz or any of its characters. I just love them to no end and have a very twisted imagination. Please be aware that I am extremely poor so suing me will do you no good. Thanks.

Warning: Lemon Yaoi - Hints of Yuri / Hardcore Violence & Rape / Explicit Language / Angst / AU

Pairings: Ran x Yohji / Ken + Omi / Birman + Manx

FYI: Inner thoughts - [ Flashback ]

Author's Notes:

Hey guys, here's Chapter Five of CoT. Finally! This chapter dishes out more POVs and of course, more angst. Don't you just love it? Problems, problems, problems. Our poor bishies are being so abused by yours truly. I just can't help myself (*grins*).

Well, that's it for now. Enjoy the fic and please review!

Thanks again,

Forsaken

Circle of Time

Chapter 5 - Out Of The Blue

Sitting next to Ran towards the back of the shop, Yohji was trying to concentrate on what Manx was saying. He focused his eyes on the redhead and tried to listen as Manx continued to go over the details of the shop's upcoming sale. But Yohji's mind kept drifting, kept remembering things that were meant to be forgotten and it was beginning to really piss him off.

Try as he might, he couldn't completely dispel the images that had invaded his mind a short while ago. Yohji didn't know how his mind had wandered off, how it had managed to squirm out of his tight control but somehow he'd found himself in the past once more and it scared him. Scared him because he knew that he could have easily become lost within those memories, reliving his horrible past over and over again. Yohji shifted his gaze from the striking redhead and looked down at his crossed feet.

He could still remember with vivid clarity that night long ago when he'd awoken to the sounds of beeping machines in a hospital nine days after he'd been found beaten to a bloody pulp by a gentle cop. He could still recall the confusion and the fear he'd felt to see his body all wrapped up in bandages, to see the various tubes running in and out his body, to know that his body was useless and vulnerable. The hand Yohji had lazily placed on the table he was sitting next to unconsciously clenched. A pair of violet eyes noticed the move but Yohji wasn't aware of it. He was too busy walking down 'memory lane'.

That bastard really fucked me up. He had been forced to stay in the hospital for almost two months recovering from his injuries. He remembered fondly how Shiro, his savior, had been there the entire time visiting him almost every day, helping him to understand what was happening around him. Yohji could still see his adoptive father's face twisted in disgust and anger as the dark haired man had told him exactly what his body had been put through.

Yohji lowered his head slightly still staring at his feet as he remembered the humiliation he'd felt when the kind cop had told him of the internal and external injuries he'd suffered from the bout of rough sex that had been forced upon him. At the time, Yohji hadn't wanted to tell the dark haired man that he'd only been doing what he had been paid to do. He had been too ashamed to admit his sins, to reveal the demeaning truth. But eventually as he'd allowed himself to tentatively trust the older man, Yohji had confessed his sordid past.

Shock. It was the only word that Yohji could think of to best describe what he had felt when Shiro Kudou had angrily told him that he had not been to blame for the things he'd been forced to do. He could still feel the tears that had trailed over his cheeks as he had been pulled close into a comforting yet protective embrace.

Soon after that, Yohji had begun to depend on Shiro's presence, looking forward to the older man's daily visits, to his soothing presence. But one day, a stranger had arrived at the hospital and Yohji's time of peace had abruptly ended. He had been informed quite clinically that he was to go to an orphanage until he was well enough to be placed in foster care. Yohji had been devastated. He hadn't even been given the chance to say goodbye to the man who had saved him, to the man who had given him hope.

Four weeks had gone by and his stay at the orphanage had been a miserable one. Unable to fit in with the other children housed in the overcrowded orphanage, Yohji had spent his days and nights alone in the room he had shared with six other young boys. He had felt like an outcast and had been treated as such by the others, being hurt over and over again by their taunts and name calling. Blonde, fair skinned and green eyed, Yohji hadn't been able to fit in. Yohji's chest tightened at the memory.

He had tried to escape. But not physically. Without even realizing it, Yohji had begun to retreat into himself, retreat into his mind losing focus of the depressing reality he had been forced into. It had worked too ... For a while.

Then a new boy, a few years older than Yohji, had begun to pick on him relentlessly, making Yohji's already doleful world into a nightmare. Vulnerable and alone, Yohji had tried to not to let the boy's continuous tormenting get to him. He had tried to ignore the boy altogether. It had been a fruitless effort, however. An effort that later on had served only to instigate the older boy's fury.

Yohji's hand clenched again as the image of a pair malicious black eyes came to mind. The black eyes of the boy who had eventually attempted to molest him. It had been the final straw for Yohji. Without warning, he'd snapped panicking at the thought of being touched …… of being used …… of being hurt yet again. He had gone out of his mind with fury and fear and had ended up nearly killing the other boy in retaliation.

Yohji couldn't remember what had happened after that. From what his adoptive father had told him, he knew that the staff that had been supposedly there to look out for him had found Yohji rocking back and forth, his clothes torn and ripped near the unconscious bully. He'd spent nearly two months after that fateful day catatonic in a psych ward before Shiro had finally found him and been able to retrieve him. It had taken his father almost three weeks to finally get through the barrier Yohji had erected around himself, to manage to help Yohji come back to reality.

Yohji shivered at the image of a small boy cowering in a dark corner somewhere in his mind crying, begging for safety. It was an unforgettable reminder of what could happen if he allowed himself to dwell too long within his haunting recollections the past. Shit, I have to be more careful. I can't let myself lose it like this. I can't risk it.

But it was even harder now to hide his fears, to control the attacks of panic, to stop the flow of memories that would crash into him without warning. His life no longer consisted of just his father and the occasional acquaintance. He had friends now, friends that cared for him and were now an intricate part of his once lonely life. He wouldn't be able to continue the charade of stability he was trying to present for much longer. Face it Kudou. They're going to find out that you're fucking nuts sooner or later. Yohji sighed. Goddammit, when did my life become so fucking complicated?

Yohji brought a hand up to massage his now aching temples and looked up when he caught Ran's questioning stare. He winked at the redhead reassuringly and smiled when Ran's red eyebrow arched haughtily in response. Of course you're not worried about me, right Ran? But Yohji knew better now. Ran wasn't as cold as he wanted people to think his was. In Ran's case, one definitely couldn't judge a book by its cover.

Ran turned away and Yohji's brow furrowed before he did the same. Having Ran in his life was another complicating factor to be considered in his paranoid musing. Their 'relationship' was no longer clearly defined within the boundaries of forced tolerance or comradery. Theirs was now a relationship based on mutual respect, friendship ... and on a mounting sexual tension that was killing him.

How this change had come about, Yohji wasn't too sure. He recalled that first tentative act of kindness that Ran had bestowed upon him and Yohji's lips twitched as he held back a smile. Wouldn't want everyone else here to see how love struck he was now would he? Yohji forced his eyes to settle upon the pacing form of Birman. Shit, I've got it bad.

He'd be a complete idiot, a fool if he even tried to convince himself that he wasn't head over heels in lust with Ran. He wanted the Ran, wanted to feel Ran's body covering his own. But was he in love with the exasperating redhead?

Shit, what the hell is love anyway? He'd gotten a glimpse of it back when his mother had still been alive. He had felt its warm presence surrounding him when he had been within his mother's protective embrace. He felt a similar warmth wash over him whenever he thought of his adoptive father.

But this was a different kind of sensation, a sensation that couldn't be defined by what he already knew. What he was experiencing wasn't brotherly or based on friendship. This was a feeling too intertwined with lust and need. It was a feeling that was dictating how he acted, how he responded to the stoic teenager sitting quietly next to him. It was confusing him, making his overactive mind fill with doubts and fears. Yohji didn't like it. Not one bit.

However, although he hated the lack of control, the baseless fears whirling within him, Yohji couldn't make himself block off the strange and unwanted emotions. There were there, raging inside of him uncontrollable and unavoidable and he wanted to let them out, allow them the freedom to run their course but he was afraid. Afraid that Ran wouldn't accept his feelings. Afraid of rejection. Afraid of a broken heart.

Yohji looked back to the man in question and shook his head slightly. He'd probably kill me if he knew. Or would he?

His attention suddenly shifted when Birman walked over to Ken and hit the brunette over the head with a brochure. Yohji tried not to laugh as Ken jumped wide awake and rubbed at his head smiling up apologetically at the furious woman for dosing off. Yohji could see that Omi was fighting not to laugh as well and he winked at the younger teen. Omi winked back a second before he too was swatted over the head.

Birman turned and glared at him and Yohji immediately raised his hands in surrender. Don't kill me. I'm sorry ... Sorry that you're boring the shit out of me. Yohji swallowed, suddenly afraid of the possibility that Birman could possess some kind of telepathic ability.

Apparently satisfied that everyone was paying attention, Birman turned around and began to once again pace the room. Yohji relaxed and allowed himself to breathe again now that the 'threat' was over.

Yohji almost smiled. Yohji had to admit that although working at the shop was sometimes a real pain in the ass, he was truly enjoying the experience. Never before had he felt like he belonged, like he was actually 'good' at something other than being a lazy ass or annoying the shit out of people. He felt ... proud, proud of what he was accomplishing here and it felt good.

And that was beginning to worry him as well. Could he allow himself to fall into this trap of normalcy? Could he let himself believe that his life actually had meaning? That he was worthy of enjoying this 'mundane' life he was now leading? That he was capable of loving another person? I want to. I want to feel joy ... to feel happiness ... to feel love. But ... how?

There was only one way that he could think of that would allow the world he was now living in to become a reality in his mind, that would give him the freedom to care ... and to love.

He had to forget about his past. He had to let go of the memories, of the old pain. Yohji sighed silently at the realization. Shit, easier said than done Kudou.

*S W A T!*

"Goddammit!" Yohji yelled startled within an inch of his life, raising his hands to his now bruised head as Birman towered over him, brochure in hand. Birman's eyes narrowed and Yohji stopped rubbing, a new fear rising within him. Oh shit. I'm going to die!

"Excuse me?" Birman replied, her tone challenging and hard, her eyes piercing. Yohji's anger died away quickly as he found himself the focus of Birman's 'death glare'. "I didn't say anything." I want to live! I want to live!

"What is up with you boys today?" asked Manx as she walked up behind her lover, an amused grin playing at her ruby red lips.

Yohji was about to breathe a sigh of relief ... She'll calm the Banshee down. But then he heard Manx say the words no decent person should utter.

"Do you purposely wish to merit double shifts this weekend?"

Silence ... hovered over the room like a thickening fog. Silence ... held four terrified youths within its grasp.

Manx smiled and Birman smirked. Threat made. Fear thoroughly instilled.

"I guess we won't be having any more problems now, will we?" Birman asked no one in particular.

Four heads nodded obediently and Birman smirked again. "Thought so."

"Goddammit! Get back here you little shit!"

"Fuck you!" yelled Ran as he slammed out of his house. Damn bastard. Why the fuck does he always have to lunge for my throat? Why can't he just leave me the fuck alone for once? Just once!

Angry and not really caring as to where he was going, Ran shoved his hands into his pockets and stalked off, crossing the street in fast long strides.

Shit, why did I let him get to me? Ran shoved a frustrated hand into his red mane and struggled to calm his quaking temper down. Taking a couple of deep breaths, he willed the anger raging within him to subside, to retreat back into the darkness that he was constantly trying to keep in check.

Ran let out a breath as he continued to walk down the dark and empty streets. He knew he would be in trouble if he didn't turn around and go back 'home'. His uncle would give him hell to pay if he didn't swallow his pride and go back and apologize for his 'insolence'. Ran frowned and shook his head. Fuck that. Fuck him. He doesn't deserve a fucking apology or my respect. He's an asshole bent on making my life miserable. Why should I have to get on my knees for him?

"Ran?"

Startled by the familiar voice coming from behind, Ran turned around and came face to face with Yohji. What is he doing here? "Yohji?"

Yohji crossed the small distance between them and smiled down at him. "What the hell are you doing out here all alone in the middle of the night?"

Ran's brow furrowed. "What the hell are you doing out here?"

Yohji blinked and smiled. "Good question," Yohji responded, amusement lacing his words. "My dad's working the graveyard shift at the station tonight and I didn't feel like being home alone. I was on my way to the pool hall."

"Oh," was all Ran could say, his eyes taking in every one of the handsome blonde's features highlighted by the dim lights illuminating the street.

"I hadn't realized that you lived around here." Yohji motioned down the street to their right. "I live just down the block."

Ran pointed to the left past the intersection. "I live three blocks that way." I can't believe he's lives so close. Why didn't I notice that before?

"So what are you doing out here?"

Ran looked into Yohji's eyes, saw the sincerity within them and sighed. "I needed to get out of the house for a while. My ... my uncle was up my ass again and I had to get out of there."

Yohji tilted his head to the side as his understanding jade eyes latched onto Ran's shielded ones. "Want to come with me?"

"What?" Ran looked at Yohji confused and not really knowing what to do with himself. God, you're acting like an idiot. You have a mouth dammit and a brain. Use them for Christ's sake!

"To the pool hall. It's a real cool place to hang out at when you're bored out of your mind or want to split for a while. A lot of the kids from school sneak out and hang out there so its anything but boring. Curfews be damned, you know?"

Ran fought the urge to bite his lip. Logic warring against his desire to go with the blonde. Should he go home and deal with his uncle? Go home and hear the tirade of cusses and accusations the older man was sure to throw at him? Should he turn away from the glorious creature standing before him offering an escape? Let the opportunity to be with Yohji pass him by? Or should I live a little? Enjoy myself for once in my miserable life? Be with ... Yohji without having to pretend that he's just a friend? You care for him, don't you? You said it yourself. Why not let yourself go, let yourself enjoy being with him?

But was he allowed to have this simple joy? Could he risk the chance of his feelings growing even more unstable, more focused on the blonde waiting patiently for his answer? Was he really in love? Could he love at all? Dammit, I want to know what it's like to act normal for once. I'm sick and tired of closing myself off all of the time. I want to know ... I need to know what it's like to be with him. Just him.

Besides, there was something bothering Yohji. The blonde's behavior this afternoon in the shop had confirmed his suspicions. He'd noticed the far away look that had lingered behind those dark green eyes. And he was …… curious? Worried? Ran sighed to himself. Christ, Ran. Do you really need an excuse? Make a decision already.

"What the hell," Ran responded with a shrug. "I've got nothing better to do anyway."

Yohji smiled, pleasure making his jade eyes sparkle. "Great! Come on, it's only a few more blocks from here." Ran nodded and proceeded to walk alongside Yohji down the empty street.

God, Ran. I hope you know what you're doing.

"Ken?" Omi asked in surprise as he spoke into the telephone. Sitting up in his bed, he looked down at his wrist watch and his eyes widened when they caught sight of the time. "Shit Ken, it's almost one in the morning."

"I know," Ken responded. "But it's not like you were sleeping."

Omi grinned. "Would you feel guilty for waking me up if I had been?"

Ken chuckled on the other end. "No."

"I knew you were going to say that." Omi frowned. Why was Ken calling him so late? "What's wrong Ken?"

Silence.

"Ken?"

"Do you want to hang out for a little while Omi?"

Omi's thin eyebrows arched in surprise. Of course I would. I'd die of sheer joy. "Sure, but ... now?"

"Yeah, I just ... I just don't feel like being home tonight. I know it's late ..."

Omi shook his head. Don't let him change his mind, you idiot! "It's okay, Ken. Besides, it's not like I was sleeping right?."

Ken snickered, his voice only slightly muffled by the line connection. "Right. Okay, I'll come to your house. Just give me you're address."

"No!" Omi said quickly, wincing at the nearly shouted word. The last thing he wanted was for Ken to pick him up at this god awful mansion. He took a deep breath willing normalcy back into his tone. "No, just tell me where to meet you."

"Oh, okay. How about Nakajima Park? It's just a few blocks away from school."

"That's perfect," Omi said, smiling from ear to ear. He was going to be with Ken. It was like a dream come true. "Let's meet there in," he looked at his watch, "twenty minutes?"

"Cool. Twenty minutes then. See you in a few."

"Okay, see you then."

The line disconnected and Omi stared at the phone in his hand unable to believe what had just transpired. The moment passed quickly however, and Omi let out a whoop of pure joy. His hands flew to his mouth an instant later.Oops. It was one in the morning and he's was making enough noise to wake up the entire household. But he couldn't help himself. He was going to hang out with Ken. Yes! Yes! Yes!

Omi jumped out of bed and ran to the closet in search of clothes. Practically jumping out of his pajamas, Omi dressed quickly and grabbed his house keys. Stuffing them into his pockets, Omi opened the door to his bedroom and scanned the darkened corridor. Close clear, he walked down the hallway and slowly made his way down the stairs to the foyer.

A noise broke the silence hovering around him and Omi bit back the urge to yelp in surprise. What the hell? Omi's eyes narrowed as he noticed the light emanating from underneath his father's office door. What's he doing here? I thought he was with Mother at that banquet?

Another noise echoed through the foyer and Omi's heartbeat quickened. That sounded like a ...

Omi hesitated a second before he slowly moved toward his father's office. The door was slightly ajar and he moved in close enough to look through the small gap. His eye widened when he saw his father.

Bent over his desk, grunting and panting, Saito Tsukiyono stood moving his exposed hips back and forth into the woman whimpering in pleasure beneath him. A woman that wasn't his mother.

Omi moved away from the door and pressed his back against the wall, his eyes wide and unfocused as his mind tried to process what he'd just seen. Oh my God. He's fucking some woman in there. In my mother's house. He's cheating on my mother! Mr. Morality. Mr. High and Mighty. Mr. Perfect.

Omi pushed away from the wall and ran out of the room. As quietly as his shaking hands would permit, Omi unlocked the front door and rushed out of the house.

The fucking bastard! That fucking liar! His mind screamed as Omi ran down the large driveway leading to the street.You make me feel like shit, like all I ever do is make mistakes and you're there screwing some stranger like a fucking dog. I'm the 'stupid one' ---- the one 'incapable of making correct and responsible decisions' ---- the one who can't find his 'scruples' when it matters. Me right? Me! Yet you get to stand there like a fucking asshole and break your vows to your wife! Why is it that I'm the one that 'taints the Tsukiyono name' and not you? It's never you!

Omi ran and ran, his legs quickly taking him away from his oppressing home, from the man who had managed yet again to cause him unbearable pain.

Ken!

Ken would make it better. Ken would make him feel cared for. Ken would help him find a way to survive this horrible existence that Fate had forced upon him.

Help me, Ken. Help me.

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