By Seishuku Skuld (skuldhotohori@yahoo.com)

Series: Harry Potter

Pairing: Sirius x Remus

Warning: slash, spoilers for Order of the Phoenix

Disclaimers: All characters herein belong to J.K. Rowling, Bloomsbury Books, Scholastic Books, and whoever else is in that league of corporate giants.

Notes: Short Remus vignette, post OoTP.Don’t even think of reading this until you’ve finished the book.

Orpheus Wandering

That particular evening at Twelve Grimmauld Place was a quiet affair.At Lupin’s behest the house had remained as the headquarters of the Order.

“He would have wanted it.”

And so there had been no further argument, except for Mrs. Black from behind the curtains.Even she, at the mention of the death of her son, had fallen into an uncharacteristic silence, her usual bloodcurdling curses at best half-hearted attempts.Spirits had been low that night to begin with, and so one by one the other members of the Order excused themselves.Tonks managed to say goodbye and leave without knocking a single thing over, and even Mundungus Fletcher had taken the hint and ducked out early.Finally it was Kingsley, after helping to clean the up the dishes of a meager dinner, who had wished Lupin a goodnight.

“You’ll be all right?”

“I’ll be fine, thank you.”

“I guess we’ll be seeing you soon then.”

“Goodnight.”

Night had already fallen, and he watched the small figure retreat across Grimmauld Square and vanish into the darkness.It was silent, broken only by the sounds of the few faraway cars in their section of London.At the far end of the street, a streetlamp sputtered for a few seconds before going out.

Remus closed the door softly, the clicking of the lock ominously loud in the silence.Not a single light was on in the house that night, but Remus didn’t mind, for he had grown to know the house well over the year that he had resided there.The air smelled like dinner of course, but once that faded, he knew he would smell a lingering bit of Sirius.

Everything these days, had a little bit of the Sirius smell to it.Being cooped up in this old house, with the remnants of his batty mother and a crazy house elf had not dampened the Black scent a bit; it had still smelled like Sirius – earthy, hints of grass and wild cinnamon – even after twelve years in Azkaban and months in the caves.

As soon as school had been let out Harry’s third year, Dumbledore had alerted Lupin to the whereabouts of Sirius, and things had begun to patch up.Twelve years was certainly a long time to be gone, and twelve year’s worth of news was a lot to catch up on, and this time Remus knew not to waste his few precious moments with Sirius.

“Tut tut,” came the voice of Phineas Nigellus breaking into his thoughts, “it’s awfully dark in here.Anyone home tonight?”

“Just me,” Remus replied softly, uncertain of which portrait the old Hogwarts schoolmaster was currently residing.

“I’m surprised his mother hasn’t objected.”

“Well, I’m glad.She never did like me very much.”

Phineas snorted.“Of course not.First of all, you were a werewolf.Second of all, well, I’m sure the boy gave enough hint to his mother that once you were there, there wouldn’t be anyone to continue the Black family line.”

Black…

Sirius had been the last of the boys to bear the Black name.He had no sisters, and his brother, Regulus had died during Voldemort’s first uprising.Now what was left in the house was the last remnant of a wizarding family that had once been rich, mighty, and powerful.Now Remus wished Sirius hadn’t been obsessive in throwing out all the heirlooms of the house.Though his house had been doomed to die from the start, Remus hadn’t wished it to happen that way.He could still see the dreams he and Sirius had, of living in a cottage in the middle of nowhere, often visited by Harry and his friends, a tiny place that was out of the way, where he had Sirius would live after the mess with Voldemort cleared up.A place where they could make up, thrice over, the twelve best years of their youth that they had missed while Sirius had been wrongfully imprisoned.

Remus closed his eyes, sitting on the stairs and leaning his head against the wall, and thought back to one particular night over a year ago, when Sirius had still been in flight.

“I love the way the shadows play over your face, Moony.”

They had been sitting there for some time, huddled together in a blanket, watching the flames of the fire as they roasted marshmallows like schoolboys out on a camping trip.

They had fallen silent in each other’s arms, each with his own thoughts.Eventually, Sirius had turned his eyes towards his partner and broken the silence.

“You have no idea how much I thought of you in Azkaban.”

“I think I do, Padfoot.”

“You’re the only thing that kept me going, you know.”

And then another one of those silences had fallen, not awkward or uncomfortable, not filled by racing thoughts or stammered excuses; it was something comfortable.There was no way that Remus had felt fit to answer except to shift closer to Sirius, and lean his head on Sirius’ shoulder.He was never one for many words, being quiet and shy of temperament, for it was best he showed Sirius how much he loved him.

“Thank you, Sirius,” Remus had whispered finally, one hand leaving the stick he was holding out to the fire, to join his mate’s.“I love you too.”

They had needed no more words that night, and had stopped caring entirely when their marshmallows had burnt, abandoned and unsupervised as they dropped them hastily.

“Well,” coughed Phineas, breaking into Remus’ reverie, “I think I’d best be going now.”

Then another silence fell.For once, he liked it dark.Without Sirius the house seemed once again to return to its ominous, forbidding presence, an impenetrable fortress built of stones of darkest night, now no longer trapping Sirius, but his lover instead.Kreacher was no where to be heard, and in the news of the past few days, the portraits had wisely decided to keep relatively quiet.The former Hogwarts headmaster’s small interruption had been the only one that day.

Before Voldemort’s resurrection, Remus had only been in the Black house once, and he remembered Sirius’ mother as a rather pinched, unpleasant person.It had been a short visit, Sirius had shown him his room, where he had grown up and a few of his magical toys as a child, before his mother chased him out, shouting wildly.She had not treated her eldest son well when he had tried to make amends with her during the war, and she had treated her son’s “friend” with even more contempt and disdain.They had been lucky to dodge her hexes before the door had closed on their tails, nearly catching their cloaks.And Sirius had not returned, until it was that he offered the Order use of the house.

It had been shortly after Regulus’ death, and with Sirius the last remaining Black, he had decided to go back and see, at least out of filial duty, whether his mother required his presence.It was at Remus’ urging that Sirius went, and even until the night before, Sirius had remained extremely reluctant.

“The Order needs me, Moony.”

“And now that there’s a lull in the action, I’m sure some attention can be spared for your mother.She raised you after al;, you’re still her son.”

Sirius snorted.“I’d be surprised if she still considered me one.And she made my childhood miserable anyway.I don’t see why she doesn’t deserve some misery herself.It would serve her pureblood righteousness, you know.”

“Don’t be like that, Padfoot,” Remus had sighed, wringing his hands and desperately trying to resist the urge to strangle his lover.“If things don’t work out, you can just leave then.At least you tried.”

“I still think I’m wasting my time over the whole ordeal, I know she’s going to drive me out of the house if she doesn’t curse me first, and I also know what she’s going to be screaming.”

“Well, I suppose you can’t say you haven’t been through that before,” Remus replied with a smirk.

Sirius snorted again, folding his arms and doing his best to scowl.“The more I think about it, the more I know things aren’t going to work out.There’s too much that Mother is never going to forgive me for.”

“Oh, stop making excuses, Sirius,” Remus said sternly, drawing his lover into his arms, and giving him his sweetest smile, “I’m sure things will be fine.Besides, if you go, I’ll stop nagging you about it.”

“Yes, and I sure am one to complain about you on my back all the time,” Sirius grinned, sticking his tongue out and giving Remus a great big lick on his cheek.

“Hey!You’re not allowed to lick me unless you’re Padfoot!”

“Oh?Says who?”Sirius gave Remus a playful shove onto their bed, scrambling quickly after and pinning his lover’s body to the bedsheets.“Then you’re not allowed to bite unless you’re Moony.”

“That’s not fair, Sirius!And I know you enjoy the biting.”

Things from there had quickly degenerated into a biting and licking match, and Sirius was in much better spirits by the end of the night when he decided that he might as well go see his mother after all.

The dream faded away as Remus slowly roused himself out of his light doze, he shook his head slightly to clear his thoughts, a small, bitter smile coming his face.The past few nights had been filled with Sirius, every time he closed eyes even the slightest bit – Sirius chatting with him, lying in the grass, or sitting in a tree, always with a smile on his face.Sometimes it was old memories, stolen kisses between classes, moonlight walks by the edge of the forest, but it was always a very happy Sirius in the end, a smiling Sirius he touched or embraced before it would all fade and he would be transported back to the real world.

It had been a funny thing then, standing in the Ministry of Magic, watching as Bellatrix and Sirius dueled.  Sparks had been flying everywhere, curses and hexes and incantations flying faster than he could see; Sirius had always been one of the best at fighting.Then it was such a small thing, a stray spell that had flown out of Bellatrix’s wand, something that Sirius hadn’t seen in his moment of confidence, and without a single word, barely enough time to register that he had been flying backwards, Sirius had sailed through the veil, and into the otherworld behind the archway.

Remus had known it then, with a startling certainty, without even having to meet Sirius’ eyes or hear his last words, that he was gone.Gone from their world, unable to return.He was not entirely certain what it was that lay beyond the fluttering black veils, but he had some sort of idea, without knowing for sure, that he would never see Sirius again.

But he had had more immediately things to attend to, namely restraining Harry from throwing himself after Sirius, and he had forced his shocked mind into concentrating on the tasks before him.That was what he had learned when he had been fighting for the Order the first time, that was what he had learned when he had first heard of Sirius’ capture and murder of Wormtail.

It wasn’t until he had returned to Twelve Grimmauld Place that he had really understood.Ignoring the shrieks of Sirius’ mother and mutterings of the house elf, he let himself break down and mourn.It was a bad idea to show Sirius’ mother any sign of weakness, but at that point he had not been able to her screams over his own, and had stopped caring entirely.

“Have I ever told you, you’re beautiful, Sirius?”

Sirius thought for a moment.“No, I don’t think you have, Remus.”

“Liar, you’ve heard me say it a lot.”

“But I like to hear you say it,” Sirius grinned cheekily back.

It was a cloudless summer day, and they were lying on the grass in front of Hogwarts, enjoying the sun.

“You’re beautiful, Sirius.”

“As are you, my beautiful Moony.”

They kissed quickly, and settled back into the grass, Sirius with his head resting comfortably in Remus’ lap as he lay back and gazed at the sky.He held Remus’ hand, clutching it tightly as if he would never let go.

“We can always be like this, you know.”

“What do you mean?”

“We’ll always be together like this.”

“Sirius, I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“No?”

“No!Stop being cryptic!”

Sirius laughed, hooking his other arm around Remus’ neck and pulling him down for another quick kiss.

“You’ll understand someday, Remus…someday…”

“Are you going to sit there sleeping all night?”

Remus blinked his eyes again.He had fallen asleep again, only to be woken by Phineas’s voice.

“I thought you had gone.”

“Came back to check on you.You sleep like that, and you’ll get a crick in your neck.”

“Thanks,” Remus whispered.

He didn’t need the light of a wand to see his way through the darkness of the house.The moon had risen by this time of night.The moonlight shone clearly through the curtains, the silvery light enough to lead his path.

Sirius’ bedroom was exactly as he had left it that fateful morning, a little tousled from the previous night’s activities.The covers had been thrown entirely off the bed, and the sheets were rumpled, hanging half on and half off, with one pillow lying at the other end.

He remembered those terrible twelve years, lying alone amongst the blankets, dreaming of Sirius, tortured and lonely in Azkaban, accused and condemned of crimes he was sure his partner didn’t commit.Twelve years of going from place to place, scraping by, trying his best to hide himself at every full moon, wishing his friends, even one of them could join him again.

Twelve years was a long time to make up for.He was going to have his twelve years back with Sirius, and even more than that, for they had been convinced that they had the rest of eternity for make up for twelve years.

Somehow, those twelve years had only become two.

Remus walked to the window, stepping quietly, trying not to wake the slumbering Buckbeak.Remus wasn’t quite sure what to do with the Hippogriff, but he supposed he ought to be the one to take care of it, surely no one else would be able to take it on.Sirius would have wanted him to have it, at any rate.Just like the house...that was, until Harry had graduated.Then it would be up to Harry whether or not to take it.In the meantime, care of the house had been left to Remus, and whoever in the Order was of mind to help him.It was kind of them to offer sympathy for his grief, but he wondered if any one of them truly understood the meaning of the past fourteen years.

It was a waxing gibbous moon that night, only four days away from the full.Remus was beginning to feel his skin prickling and his werewolf senses heightening.He would have to confine himself to the basement in a couple of nights, for he hadn’t the heart to ask Snape to brew the Wolfsbane Potion for him.The man would have his hands busy spying for the Order, and he had always hated Sirius most, and detested Remus for everything he’d been – a werewolf, and Sirius’ lover.

“Well,” he murmured quietly into the night, as if Sirius could hear him, “some things can’t be helped can they?”

No one answered, and he was left wondering if he had really been expecting one.  

It was late, and no doubt the Order would come calling early in the morning.Plans had to be made; Voldemort had appeared at the Ministry, showing no sort of weakness in either body or magical prowess.Harry had to be protected, and there was a war to be fought.

“Goodnight, Padfoot.”

Remus didn’t even bother taking his robes off as he lay down on the bed he had shared with Sirius for the past few months.He curled up, not even bothering with a blanket, and fell into the first deep sleep since Sirius’ death.

His last thoughts were that perhaps, when he felt his time had come, he’d walk into the Ministry of Magic, into that room in the Department of Mysteries, and stride purposefully through that black veil.Then Sirius would welcome him with a smile and a kiss, and ask him what had taken so long.

*~*~*~end*~*~*

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