Series: Final Fantasy X
Pairings: implied Jecht/Auron
Warnings:. Shounen-ai, WAFF. (Sorry, lemon fiends. Maybe next time.) Oh yeah, and language. This is a Jecht POV fic, and I just can’t see the guy NOT swearing. ^_^
This was written for the FFX Yaoi ML's Lyric Wheel. Okay, the lyrics of the song are pretty angsty, but I feel the song itself is kind of on the happy side. So I gave it a happy ending. I’ve had enough angsting for now. ^_^
I’m awakened by a rough hand grasping my shoulder and shaking me awake. It takes a while for me to open my eyes, and actually focus. The shaking did no help, of course. I have a mother of a hangover, and Auron isn’t just going to let that slip by him.
“Get up!” he nearly snarls at me, tossing me back onto the ground with a particularly loud thud. I suppress an urge to groan; no point in letting him see how bad my head hurts. That will just provide him with some more ammunition. “We’ve got to get going. Braska is already awake, and we are setting out soon.”
I blink and sit up quickly, forcing down the wave of nausea that sweeps over me. Man, I have no clue what the hell it was I had last night, but if I makes me feel like this in the morning…DAMN! That’s some good shit. I wonder if I can get more of that.
I grin cheekily and stand up, trying my best not to wobble. I still do, a little, and Auron gets this disgusted oh-my-god-he’s-hungover-on-a-pilgrimage superior type of look that just makes me want to punch his face in. And if it weren’t for the fact that Braska was around, I really honestly would like doing that.
“I’m ready to go,” I say with an arrogant grin (he’s not the only one that can play that arrogance game), “just tell me when.”
Auron snorts and rolls his eyes, no doubt cursing me with all kinds of colors in his mind. Well, fine. He’s not exactly the likable sort either. At least I can see my faults, unlike that stuffy son of a bitch.
“Go wash yourself some, you reek of alcohol.”
What am I, some kind of servant kid? He can’t order me around like that. He’s treating me like some kind of spare baggage. I can fight as good as he can, and goddammit, the bastard knows it. He doesn’t want to admit that he’s not the only star of the Braska show.
“I’m only gonna get dirtier on the road,” I shrug. “The smell will wear off after a couple of miles.”
Auron shoots me this nasty look, as if he’s gonna personally drag me down to the bathpool and give me a good scrubbing like the naughty little boy I’ve been. Dammit, if he tries that, it won’t be my fault if he ends up floating face down the nearest river. I almost feel like exploding, but hell, I’m not gonna let it show that he’s getting to me. Not at all.
“All right,” I stretch lazily, arching my back and hearing several joints pop. Ah, that’s better. “I’m gonna go find Braska for some breakfast.” I stride out of the room, leaving Auron glaring daggers at me. If those were real, I’d be a pincushion already. Someone’s gotta teach that asshole a lesson. I’ll just have to make sure not to fuck anything up.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Ha! I knew I’d be able to find some of that shit
again. Damn, these Spirans might not be big on the whole party thing, but
hell, they make some killer booze. I’m laughing my ass off, holding a
large jug above my head.
Braska’s a little tipsy too, and I’ve got my arm around him, and we’re both giggling like school girls. I don’t know what we were laughing about, and I can’t remember what started it all. But either way, I’m having a hell of a time.
It gets lonely out in Spira, with just the three of us. So there’s no harm in having a good time or two on the road.
“Stop laughing so loud,” Auron glares at me, from across the campfire, taking a mouthful of his own sake. “You’ll wake every fiend within ten miles of us.”
“Aaah, come on Auron, don’t be such a hard-ass.”
Braska laughs and takes another swig from my bottle. What is it again? I peer intently at the label. Yeah, Lucan Black Ale. Tastes like shit, but it packs a good punch. Hell, I drink a lot and it even gets me roaring drunk. I like that in a drink. ‘Course, I have no clue what it’s made out of. I’m not sure I care to find out.
“Lord Braska, you should not be having any of that.”
“Hey now, Auron,” I put the jug down, my vision a little swimmy, “don’ you tell Braska what he’s supposed t’be doin’. If the man wants t’have a little fun, then I say, we should let ‘im.”
“You’re getting him stone drunk, Jecht. Lord Braska, can you please…”
Braska shakes his head. “It’s all right, Auron. I’m fine.” I’m surprised that guy can still talk. He’s all flushed, and he can’t really sit up straight. But I’m amazed he can still speak. Braska never ceases to amaze me sometime. I’m already starting to find my own tongue a little floppy, as if it doesn’t want to be controlled. Well, that’s okay. I can still think—now what was I—well, no matter. I should set that Auron right in his place.
“I told ya’,” I say, giving Auron the dirtiest look I can muster, “Yer not tellin’ me or Braska ‘ere wha’ t’do. Stop being such a’ asshole an’ ‘ave some fun.”
Auron flushes, and it’s not the drink he’s having. That just encourages me more.
“Hell, wha’ were yer parents? Were they trees? Wooden blocks? Bricks? Ya’ show jus’ about as much expression as one.” I nod. “Ya’ need t’loosen up like me an’ Braska ‘ere. Ain’t that right?”
Braska nods, and has another drink. “Just relax, Auron,” he gestures, trying to placate the other Guardian. “Have a drink with us.”
Auron snorts. “You’re disgusting, Jecht,” he growls. I note that he kindly leaves Braska out of this, though I swear he’s about as far gone as I am. Bastard.
“Yeah, well ya need t’ unwind. Ya’ act like someone’s got a tree trunk up yer ass.” I laugh at my own joke. Then I get a funny image in my head, and decide to blurt it out. “Or someone’s twistin’ yer balls.” I laugh again, and Braska snickers. He’s obviously agreeing. He wouldn’t agree normally of course, he’d be far too polite. Ah, the magic wonders of liquor.
“I mean, Braska’s jus’ ain’t much more time, ya’ know?” I continue, waving the jug wildly. “We mus’ be more’n ‘alf way t’Zanarkand already.”
Auron looks as if he’s going to skewer me with that sword of his, Summoner or no summoner.
“Why you—“
“Look, Auron.” I sit up fully, handing the jar to Braska, who happily takes it. Poor guy’s gonna feel like shit in the morning, and I wonder if he has a spell that can cure hangovers. Well, I suppose we’ll find out. I’m trying to make my words come out as clearly as possible, trying not to slur my words. I’m doing fair job of it too, and feel rather proud about it. “Just stop what yer doin’. I hate to look at ya’ sometimes, ‘cause I can tell yer in love with Braska, and he don’ love ya back.” Silence ensues, broken only the small crackling of the fire.
Braska looks to Auron, and then to me.
“Jecht, I really hate you,” Auron scowls, his eyes narrowing.
This just makes me mad. God, can’t the man tell I’m trying to help him feel a little better there? Get him to stop being such a stuck-up shit. “Ya know what, Auron, I hate you too.” Now I’m getting really angry. “I hate you, and your goddamn self-righteousness. It really rubs me the wrong way.” He’s got me now, and I’m not backing down. We both leap to our feet at the same time, our fists clenched. Braska struggles up too, and tries to stop us from killing each other.
“Yer no better than some of them fiends out there, don’t ya ever have any fun? No? Didn’t think so.”
“Gentlemen—“ Braska moves to stand between us, putting his hands out. “Let’s stop arguing—“
“Ya know, the only thing you’ve done this entire journey is make me feel miserable.” I’m shouting across Braska, and Auron has this offended-but-still-arrogant look on his face, and I’m really wanting to smash his face into the dirt right now. “Ya know, if I die, at least I have the benefit of knowin’ I’m gonna go down after havin’ some fun. Yer better off dead, Auron, you’d probably have MORE FUN that way! Maybe kick up one of them parties when you’re a fiend.” I laugh; it’s a bit macabre, but I can’t stop myself.
Auron’s staring at me like I’ve just insulted fifteen generations of his family. He’s all red, and shaking, and Braska’s got both his arms around him trying to keep him from kicking my ass. Well fine, bring it on, pussy boy.
Auron finally gives me one last glare, turns on his heel and storms off, hacking aside whatever flora and fauna happen to be in his path.
“Auron, come back!” Braska calls out to him, but the warrior monk keeps walking. He disappears into the darkness of the night with no sign of stopping his rampage.
Braska turns and looks at me, giving me this sad, pitying look. It doesn’t hold any malice in it, nor anger. Just a lot of pain. I wince. That man’s good at making a guy like me feel like a total cruel bastard. Did I just really just insult Auron that badly?
“That’s probably one of the worst insults you can throw at anyone, Jecht,” Braska says quietly. “Did you really mean what you said?”
I shrug, rubbing the back of my neck. What am I supposed to say? Well, I didn’t intend to make him stomp off, and now the entire mood’s ruined.
“Well…not really,” I manage.
Braska nods. “Good.” He looks wistfully off in the direction that Auron left. “I should go to him.”
I snort, suddenly feeling rather bastardly. Dammit, I hate it when that happens. When it’s so obvious I’ve done something wrong. Like I’ve been some bad little dog, like I should go and apologize or something. No way in hell I’m doing that. Not for Auron. Not gonna let him get to me.
Braska sighs, touching my shoulder with a gentle hand. It is more comfort than I feel I deserve. There I go, fucking things up yet again. I mentally kick myself.
But I’m still not going to apologize.
“I’m going to go to him,” Braska murmurs softly. “You shouldn’t have said that.” He shakes his head sadly. He leans over to whisper in my ear. I feel his hot breath brushing my cheek, and I shiver. “He’s fallen in love with you.”
Braska retreats into the darkness, an enigmatic smile on his face.
I shake my head. And it just doesn’t get any worse than this, I think.
Well, dammit. I look at the jug of Lucan Black Ale sitting on the ground.
Auron in love with me? Ha, fat fucking chance of that. I snort. That’s absolutely not true. Braska’s playing with me; screwing with my mind; that’s gotta be it.
I sit down again, and empty the entire bottle of liquor in a single swig. That’s the way you consume alcohol. I grin, sighing with satisfaction, wiping some stray dribbles from my chin. The fire begins the die down. I lay back, tucking my arms underneath my head, staring into the stars. They look the same as they did in the seas surrounding Zanarkand. I wonder if I’m ever going to see that place again.
I don’t know how late it is, but they’re not back yet. I keep turning over Braska’s words in my mind. God, I’m such a bastard. I feel like kicking the living shit outta me. Would make me feel better.
The only light that’s left is the faintly glowing moon, and the dying embers of the fire. They’re still not back, and I’m drifting off into the sleep. The alcohol lures me into its darkness, and I’m thankful to go. All around me is the stillness of the night, and I’m thankful I’m alone. I wonder if there are any fiends in the area, and if they’re going to rip me to shreds. Well, let them. I am my own worst enemy, anyways. It can’t doesn’t get worse.
*~*~*~*~*~*
Auron’s on night watch tonight. He sits on a hill above our meager camp, his form silhouetted against the rising moon. I approach as best as I can, trying not to strain our tension any longer. He hasn’t spoken a single word to me since that incident a few weeks ago, and I feel as if his silence is stifling me.
I find it strangely unnerving that Auron’s ignoring me. Normally, I’d think I wouldn’t mind…but the fact he’s been ignoring my existence entirely bothers me. I want to convince myself I don’t give a shit, but in the end…I do. I think I’m going to explode if he keeps this up. There’s something inside that I can’t keep bottled up anymore. I sort of miss those dirty looks Auron used to give me, and it just doesn’t feel right when I’m not getting them.
“Hey,” I say quietly, sitting down beside him.
Auron looks me over, head to foot, and turns his head, looking anywhere but me. Well, that’s fine. I’ll understand if he hates me. I’ll just add him to my growing list of fuck-ups.
“Hey,” he replies softly, after a long moment of awkward of silence. I almost let out a sigh of relief.
“Okay, look,” I begin, trying to get to the crux of the matter. “Can we forget about the things I said when I was drunk?”
Auron raises an eyebrow but says nothing.
“I didn’t mean to call you that.” I shrug. “I can’t remember exactly what was said, but I’m really sorry.”
Auron looks at me and sighs, shaking his head.
“Okay,” I laugh a little, trying to make this go as smoothly as possible, “I know I’m not good at shit like this. Hell, I really suck at this. But look, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said all those mean and nasty things, but you’ve been really getting to me lately. I just didn’t want it to show, I guess.”
Another long moment of silence follows, and I’m wondering if I should just kill myself and save Auron the trouble.
After what seems like an eternity, he speaks.
“What did Braska say to you that night, Jecht?”
That’s probably the first time he’s said my name without a tone of disgust.
“I dunno,” I shrug, my arm coming about to scratch the back of my neck. I don’t know if Braska was pulling my chain, or whether he was speaking the truth. And if he was…does Auron still feel that way?
“He told you that I love you, didn’t he?”
“Yeah…kinda…” I’m getting into some deep water there.
Another silence. God, this has got to stop. I can feel my face heating up.
“Well?” Auron asks, the barest hint of a smile on his face. I’m really hoping he’s not thinking I’m cute. I’m not cute. Not cute, dammit. But he is.
There’s a certain way the light shines off his dark hair, or maybe it’s the way he’s sitting, with his legs drawn up to his chest. Maybe it’s the small curvature of his lips, or his bright eyes.
I think I’m falling too.
What should I tell him? Should I talk?
Auron waits expectantly, the smile slowly fading, replaced by disappointment.
“No,” I reach out before I can stop and think about it. I’m touching his cheek with my hand. It’s not soft like a woman’s; it’s seen its own share of hardships, but there’s a certain character to it that I like. “Keep smiling.”
Auron blinks, startled for a moment, and then breaks out into a full smile like the sun rising. God, that’s so beautiful. I wonder why he hasn’t shown it to me before.
The mood is right. I lean in, and watch Auron’s eyes flutter closed. Damn, he’s one pretty boy. I lean in for a small kiss; my lips press gently against his.
“You taste like alcohol, Jecht,” he whispers, the malice and disgust gone from his voice. Damn him, he was hiding behind that all this time. I shake my head. Should’ve known.
“Did you think I’d have the courage to do this completely sober?”
Auron laughs, and leans back a little as move forward and claim his mouth. We kiss with more passion this time, after all, it’s late at night, and the full moon is out. What else are we going to do?
Auron pulls away, breathless, a light pink flush to his pale cheeks. Yeah, that brings me a little closer to heaven. Maybe I let him get to me after all.
Oh well, it doesn’t seem so bad, does it?
~*end*~
*~*~*~*~*~*~
"My Own Worst Enemy"
Lit
Can we forget
About the things
I said when I was
drunk?
I didn't mean to call you that
I can't remember
What was said or
What you threw at me
Please tell
me
Please tell me why
My car is in the front yard
And I'm sleeping
With my clothes on
I came in
through the
Window last night
And you're gone
It's no surprise to me
I am my own worst enemy
'Cause every now and then
I kick the living sh*t out of
me
The smoke alarm is going off
And there's a cigarette
Still burning
Please tell me why
My car is in the front yard
And
I'm sleeping
With my clothes on
I came in through the
Window last night
And you're gone
Please tell me why
My car is in the front yard
And
I'm sleeping
With my clothes on
I came in through the
Window last night
It's no surprise to me
I am my own worst enemy
'Cause every now and then
I kick the living sh*t out of
me
Can we forget about the
The things I said
When I was
drunk?
I didn't mean to call you that
