-- Disclaimer: Prince of Tennis isn't mine.

Melting [Into] You

Knock, knock, knock!

I couldn't hear anything because the music was so loud and everyone was talking. The house was so lively that I couldn't imagine it in the way it usually was: Quiet and clean.

Streamers and confetti lined the floors carelessly and I tried to fight my way through the crowd of people with a small nod of my head. But I had to give into the excitement around me and so I smiled while reaching for the doorknob.

I still couldn't believe that this party was for us-

While trying to talk politely to someone, I finally was able to open the door. Then, I turned my head towards the door with a laugh while opening the door to its widest. "Hello," I said to the young man in front of me who was dressed in a blue t-shirt and jeans. He reminded me of someone, but I couldn't pinpoint whom.
"Hello," he politely answered me. "I am looking for Fuji-san."
"Yes, are you here for the party?"
The young man stood at the door and shook his head. From his manner, he didn't want to come in. "Can I please speak to Fuji-san?"
"Why, may I ask?"
The young man cleared his throat while covering his mouth discreetly. Then, he gently said in a low tone with a tinge of annoyance at my prying, "He is my lover."

Suddenly, my smile became a plastered one, fading itself of sincerity.
I was kind of glad all the noise was drowning out our conversation.

I blinked my eyes and adjusted my glasses a bit. "Excuse me? Did I hear you correctly? I believe you've been mistaken." "No, I am not." the young man answered with an impatient tone and a sheepish smile. "You can ask him yourself."
"I'll be right back," I said to him as I left the door open for him.

The young man had said it with such confidence that it had overwhelmed me.

Fight me with tennis… But not with this…not with Syusuke…

Instead of trying to find Syusuke and confronting him immediately, I had to calm myself down. This was just something to shake me up, right? It was just some kind of joke, right? It wasn't true.

It couldn't possibly have been true. And not after all this…

After getting myself something to drink to calm down my nerves, I asked where Syusuke was. People kept on telling me he was in the kitchen trying to get something.

I closed the kitchen door behind me and it somewhat helped to drown out the background noise. Syusuke tilted his head at me with a bright smile on his face.
"What's with that face, `Captain'?"
I walked over to him and I tried to analyze his facial expression.

To find some kind of trace of the truth.
Something with guilt…Something with a lie…Anything.

His ever-smiling face was disturbing me like the first time I had met him.
Now, after all this time, why couldn't I read him? Had I really lost a part of myself to feel so desparate towards him? What happened to my level-headedness?

I didn't know who I was or where I stood at that particular moment, but I kept my eyes focused on him.

"Is there something wrong?" he asked me as his smile faded.

I went into default mode. My eyes went blank and I felt that tone would parallel my mood now. I somehow reverted back to the way I used to be in order to tell him, "There is someone looking for you. He claims that he's your lover."

At that moment, Fuji didn't say anything at all. He had a serious face, but he was neither angry nor repentant.

Dammit… I couldn't read him at all now…

In one instant, I had lost him completely.

"Why won't you say anything?" I questioned him as I looked into his eyes.
I gulped as I kept my voice low.

Out of frustration, I began to chuckle to myself out of spite. "Syusuke, why aren't saying anything to me?"

Whenever I got mad, I didn't shout. I started to lose my voice because I was so consumed with anger that I wouldn't even want to talk.

Then, I pushed his shoulder. He budged a little, but he looked at me with indifferent eyes.

As if he didn't care either way…

"So that's how it is, isn't it?" I nodded my head as I took a step back.
Not wanting to lose any more of my pride, I turned around and left the kitchen.

The tables had finally turned, hadn't they?

Without telling anyone, I just slipped through the back and left. I left our engagement gathering and walked away quickly.
So many things were running through my head but I couldn't understand any of it. They were just fleeting thoughts that made my heart feel more and more heavy. And I could have dealt with that just fine, but as I found myself walking away faster and faster, I asked myself aloud, "Why?"

I didn't understand it at all…

When a person learns to melt and feel everything again, they're the ones who fear losing the most. They know what it is like to live life without something important. When the time it actually comes, they cling onto that something important and suffocate it.
Loving it so much that they forget about letting that thing or person breathe. Killing each person gradually with this overwhelming emotion.

I had walked for such a long time that I felt empty, as if all the things I had ever felt had left me the further I walked. I then found myself standing before a railing. Beyond that railing was the ocean.
I looked down at the water and being the resolute person I was, I smiled up at the gray sky above me.

As it began to sprinkle, I wore no expression of my face.

I was back to my `true self'.

That's who I was anyway, before you met me Syusuke: The Ice Cube.

For the first time, I honestly told myself, "But I don't want to be that anymore. I won't let myself."

Taking a hold of the railing with my right hand, I jumped over it and fell into the ocean.

Splash.
Submerging into the water, I closed my eyes as my glasses faded away and I felt myself being carried away with bitterness within my heart.

"Mitsu…Wake up, Mitsu…" someone softly said into my ear.
Being disoriented, I opened my blurry eyes to find the light on and his face was over me. With concern written all over his face, Syusuke looked at me. "Are you all right?"
I reached out to his face and patted it to make sure it was real. "I think so."

A tear fell from each side of eyes as I looked at him.

Rubbing them away with his thumb, Fuji's eyebrows touched one another and he began to panic a little. "What's wrong? Tell me your dream."
I shook my head. "It's nothing."

He rose an eyebrow and looked at me suspiciously. "The `Ice Cube' doesn't cry."

I looked at him clearly even though it pained me to hear him say my former nickname.

"Okay…" he shrugged his shoulders and reached over me to turn off the light. But as he was about to settle back into bed, he put his head on my upper arm while touching my cheek with his hand. Pulling himself to kiss me on the cheek, he whispered to my ear, "Don't worry, Mitsu. I'm here."

Then, he smiled as he kissed me on the lips.

That's right… You are…

My insecurities faded for the moment, but even though he comforted me, I still thought about my dream. I was thankful that it was only a dream because if it had been real, I don't know what I would have done.

Shamefully, I knew that jumping in the ocean within my dream wasn't just a premonition. There was much truth to it.

There's no way I could go back, Syusuke. I didn't want to go back to that. I couldn't be that way anymore.

And somehow, with this, I knew I had lost a part of myself.

Tsuzuku… -- Author's note: I have a dream every night and when I don't dream, that is when I worry. The dream presented in this fic is actually true (though some parts have been modified with parts of other dreams). It is one that I had many years ago (I'd say in 1997) about a person who only existed within my dreams.
I do not know why I used it here, but I felt that it would be appropriate. However, I had no idea what perspective to use because I wanted to do it from Tezuka's point of view. Then, I thought about doing it from Fuji's point of view. But then, how about both? I think that was the hardest thing for me because I wanted to show both of their feelings, but then I decided on this first person because it would be more fun this way.

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Yui Miyamoto Author Pairing Rating Subject