Yui Miyamoto 
Author
Pairing
Rating
Subject
Jrock
Luna
Sea
Can you fly?
Sugi + Ryu
yui miyamoto
--
I
want to post this on ff.net, so if anyone can help
me, I'd really
appreciate it.
Thank you!
-yui
--
Disclaimer: I
don’t own Luna Sea. But I love them and so I made this fanfic as
a form of appreciation.Can You Fly?
I take a drag of my cigarette and breathe out
the fumes that may later consume me. I close my eyes as
I nervously brush my bangs away from my face. They bother me
though no one would really know how uneasy I feel because I look
so cool, calm, and collected. With a blue string in my
pocket. From who? I wish I knew. It’s a girl who sent me
a neat, big package from the States as if it were my birthday.
Her sweet scent somehow made its way all the way here to
Japan. I don’t know how she found my address, but I love
the gift all the same. It was a letter of appreciation, love
and confidence with some soft, baby blue blanket to add a touch
of security. Maybe it is strange, but I find it beautiful all
the same. The string? It’s the birthday kind you put
on balloons.
I feel that way with this first performance
for this band we call Luna Sea.
But, I’m not close to
these members. Not yet. Not just yet.
I’ve always been a
loner unable to trust other people though I understand them in
some way. Feeling my humanness in my fingers, I take another drag
as I look up to the dark blue sky without its stars. A moon
is over my head. If we make it and I find what I’m looking
for, I’ll make a promise now.
“I’ll name my child Luna,” I
whisper to myself. “Whether it’s a boy or a girl.”
But I
have a feeling, she’ll be a beautiful baby girl. I know it. I
just know it…
I lean on the wall sighing to myself. I want to
get away and yet I want to stay. Though I’ve worked so hard
for this, there will always be that part of me that says, ‘What
the hell were you thinking?’ You have the talent, it’s in your
blood.
But…what will happen to you when you can’t
create anymore?
That was one of the biggest fears I’ve
ever had in my life: The day I wouldn’t have anything to
create.
“I would die” is my simple, yet truthful
answer.
How can you expect me to ever stop what I love?
It’s like telling me to stop breathing. This was the personal
war I’ve always had with myself. And it was always in the back of
my mind.
I know I came into music as a prodigy…but to
keep it, it meant that I had to sacrifice my heart, my soul, my
mind, my body to achieve the epitome of beauty that couldn’t be
found anywhere else in the world.
I am alone, and yet not
so. My music. This is how confused and confident I
am.
Does this make any sense at all?
To sing was
letting out the words that had settled somewhere in my heart but
never came out before. They were twisted, tangled, yet true with
their existence.
I never wanted to waste my breath or my
time. I’m practical that way.
To play, I went to a place
that no one could take me out from. I was playing to make myself
happy all this time, the only happiness I found so satisfying.
And to think that people would want to hear me? I’ve never
felt so…wanted? No, that’s not the word. I cling onto that blue
string.
Whoever she was…she was giving me strength at
this time. This girl I’ve never met.
But even more so,
I loved music as if it were my lover.
“It’s time to go
in,” J says as he lifts up his chin with a grin.
I feel at
ease for a moment as I enter that back door to get onto the
stage.
The fans were out there watching us…
I was shy, but
I always seemed to always attract attention wherever I
went.
Before, I thought it was my height… Maybe my
looks… But nonetheless, I’ll tease this crowd. I’ll show
you how happy you’ve made me…
I don’t know how the others
are feeling, but I take quick glances at them as they put on
their equipment.
The crowd begins to grow wild even though
we’re just an indies band…
I finally take my guitar into
my hands. My worries slip away as I hold the guitar in my
hands stroking it with my fingers.
Yes, music is my
lover. I will make love to my guitar. And the notes will make
a melody that shows my passion…
Maybe some think this is
crazy at how far I think of my obsession for music, art, and
other beautiful things; but in my heart, this is normal. I
cannot love things half-way. I love them so wholly, they can
break me if I’m twisted the wrong way.
And I’m okay with
that. Extreme is the only way to go.
As we begin to play,
it is then that I see our dream before us. I am at
home… These people. I like them. The members of Luna…they
understand this love for music and share it with me, as I with
them. We all exchange glances of happiness and
satisfaction while playing for the yearning crowd.
I look
out into the crowd with a smile and many girls fail in their
attempt to not giggle back at me. Scanning the crowd, I search
for that one thing I’m looking for. The other thing that drove me
to music.
Maybe my fan is out there in the
audience…
At that moment, the Ryuichi Kawamura shouts and
I immediately turn my head towards him to see him holding his
hands out. The person who’s our lead singer, he never likes
to smile much. He somewhat ignored the crowd when we came
in…
I wonder why…
But I never wanted to ask him
before.
When his voice rises to show how much of his
heart can spill out invisibly in pain, he holds his hands out.
I can’t stop looking at him for the moment.
He is like an
angel in black. I almost thought he had wings. It would be
perfect…
I had practiced with him for so long, but it
was different now. Everyone was so different than when we
practiced.
I felt my heart beat faster and faster as I got
more into my guitar playing.
It is then that I realize
that what I’ve been looking for may have been in front of my eyes
all this time…
It is then that Ryuichi turns his head towards
my direction and nods at the end of the song. Still holding
his hands out, his sweat drops to the ground as he gives me a
slight smile. I thought I almost imagined it.
But I didn’t
know because he turned back at the crowd…
At the end of the
performance and when everyone else has gone home after our first
successful performance, I get up from the couch and grab my
jacket and guitar to go home. Ryuichi just sat in his chair
contemplating something. But I don’t know what that is.
You never knew what was on his mind. A girl, tragic love,
lyrics, Luna Sea… Every artist, to each his own twisted own, I
know.
“Bye,” we say to one another.
As I pass him,
I find myself tilting my head. “Can I ask you a
question?”
“Sure,” he answers while nodding slowly.
I
find myself whispering into his ear seductively as I walk by him,
“Can you fly?”
I turn back while lifting up the hand holding
the guitar and smile at him. He looks at me in
shock.
But I know from this look, He only half understands
what I mean.
I don’t understand why I had said that either.
I never understand myself…
I turned around to the silence
not expecting an answer anyway.
At that moment, he
confidently answers as his voice echoes on the walls, “Yes, I
can.”
I look back in slight shock as he really smiled at
me with a boyish ways and all its charm. His eyes,
all-knowing.
Ryuichi _had_ understood exactly what I
meant.
Owari.
--
Author’s note: I hope you
enjoyed it. This is my first J-rock fic.
I am not a diehard
Sugizo fan as one of my close friends Neecolaaa, but I wanted to
do this because I was inspired by a doujinshi description I had
seen years ago. It was so Sugizo, so I had to do it. I
wrote
this because I really do like him.
I felt that I knew enough
about Sugizo-san to do a fic. I hope I did him justice. I’m happy
to have
heard an artist as intricate and as passionate as
him
in my lifetime. I cry every time I hear ‘Luna’. And
I
wonder how he handles it without Luna in Japan
because she’s here
in Santa Monica, CA.
Thank you for
reading!
Yui Miyamoto
Author
Pairing
Rating
Subject
