disclaimer: Gravitation isn't mine. I only do fanfiction because I love Ryuichi.

Fallen Angel (Nagareboshi part 2)

Chapter 1 - Doubtful.

A few months later, Touma came up to me. He looked at me and then gave me a piece of paper. "I can't do it this time, so you'll be the one to pick up Ryuichi," he matter-of-factly said to me. "It can't be helped." "Why do I have to do it?" I said in protest. Were my feelings so transparent that it seemed like everyone knew how I felt about Ryuichi? Or was I just paranoid? Inside, deep inside my heart, I just wanted to go right now and see him even if it was going to be twenty-four hours until he arrived back in Tokyo. I acted as if I never missed him since that day...

"I'D JUMP OFF THE LEDGE FOR YOU TOO!" he had screamed at the top of his lungs to a crowd of millions. And I was still in my seat trying to let the effect of him using my meaning of love into his latest song finish. Then, being hit like that, I couldn't do anything but freeze and feel happy inside.

"You'll do it, won't you, Tatsuha? No one else can do it because they're busy." He patted me as he was going down the opposite direction of the hall. But he stopped to whisper, "I'm sure you wouldn't mind at all." I sweated a bit and nodded. "Okay, okay, I'll do it," I answered casually. "Good, but don't wear him out on his first day, Tatsuha-kun." He said as he walked away with his hand waving over his head. I almost gawked, but thank god I didn't. As much as I knew he loved me now, I couldn't help but think maybe it would have wavered. Maybe he had someone in America...how about if time had worn him out and he just did it as a spur of the moment thing? Would Ryuichi change his feelings for me as quickly as he did when he performed on stage? Of course, my feelings would stay the same...only, I would fall deeper and deeper with time like quick sand that sucked me in with no use in protesting because I kind of liked it...

"It was YOUR suggestion, wasn't it, Ni-chan?!" I screamed as I saw him sitting on the couch of his apartment. Calmly and cooly, he smoked his cigarette and smirked at me. "I knew it!" He closed his eyes unamused. I hugged him and wailed. "Oh thank you thank you thank you Ni-chan!!!!" "Uruse!" He pushed me off. But I knew that deep inside, he was just being helpful. As always, he was being his 'stubborn brother' self. Gosh, he's even worse with Shuichi in this 'I'm-a-bastard-stoic-but-I'm-so-cool-to-pull-it-off-don't-even-dare-protest" expression.

As I laid in my bed that night in the hotel room, I sighed. What would I do when I saw him again? How would he react to me? Would he still be the same? Some sort of fear encompassed my heart and I couldn't put it away. But, in a moment of bliss and a bursting ego, I jumped up and put my hands to my sides. "Hahahaha! He is mine!" I looked about the room while adjusting my collar. Relaxed, I again sighed, "That's assuming that he still feels the same way about me." There shouldn't have been cause for doubt. For on that night, he whispered to me before falling asleep with his arm around my waist, "I won't change my mind about you, Tatsuha-kun." Curling closer to me and embracing me tighter, he had kissed the back of head in the mass of hair. "Never." Holding onto his arms, the more and more I thought without a cause for doubt, "No."

My feelings will never change. Never.

Well, not when it comes to you, Ryuichi.

God himself has fallen in love with a human...

...does this make him a fallen angel himself?

Tell me, Ryuichi. Tell me. Oshiete kudasai.

Author's note: I hate doing this in parts, but I like building the story. It's better to digest? >P Plus, I love it when authors tease you like that... (I learned that from you Lara-chan! tee hee)

"I don't think I got a wink of sleep!" I shouted softly to myself. I laid awake staring at the ceiling. It was a familiar scene, though. I've been doing this for years. Daydreaming, thinking about things that came and went, and how to progress further in life. Was I excited? Was I nervous? To answer these questions was like trying to get me to wring out the last drop of water in a rag. It was all mixed together and there was no way that I could sort through it. Absolutely no way... My feelings were so entangled that I didn't want to get up from my bed because I felt so binded inside...

"Tatsuha!!!" Ryuichi ran over to me and hugged me. But when he did, he had a huge smile on his face. "I missed you!" My god had missed me?! MY GOD HAD MISSED THIS UNWORTHY HUMAN BEING?! ...

"Argh!" I swapped myself in the forehead. "Tatsuha! Stop daydreaming!" And this time, it wasn't my brother dissing me in the middle of a daydream...

Finally, I got up from my bed. With a big yawn, I looked at the clock. Okay, 9:38. Only nine hours, seven minutes, thirty-one seconds to go until he gets here...

Ack! I'm gonna go outta of my mind by then...!

Trying to deny that I was happy beyond my wildest dreams, I decided to just wander around town. As bitch-goddess Fate would have it, my feet would meander into the karaoke place where I had gone with Ryuichi that night. Looking up at it, I sighed. His face... his face always changed...it wasn't a voluntary thing though. It was a part of him that he couldn't control. But that look on his face that night! That sadness...the loneliness was too much for me to take. He...Ryuichi of all people acting like a little kid to the world to hide his insecurities. I just wanted to hold him as long as I could...

But in my dream last night... Ryuichi turned around. "But I have to go now, Tatsuha-kun." "This bunny said you'd come back to me. You promised me Ryuichi," I answered back with a disappointed look and tone. "I know I did." He whispered. "I promise." In the end, he had left me to go to America. Except in this dream, he seemed like he left me for real...

...which explains why I didn't want to get up from bed either...

When I got to Narita International Airport, I felt like I was being picked by pins and needles. Walking into it, I was walking on hot coal. Unable to hold my feelings, I felt hot all over from my nervousness. I really did fall for him if I feel all warm inside... "Damn!" I paced around waiting for him. "Why am I such an idiot when it comes to him?" Tatsuha, the conniving little brother of Yuki Eiri, who knew more than he should about love and obsession, he would be the one to grow into putty for that one person he worshipped...and the adoring person had returned his feelings... ...which made him more of an idiot around him.

Only you, Ryuichi...

But somehow, some part of me said, "I don't think you should be here. Not today, Tatsuha."

Like always, I had ignored that feeling ever since Touma mentioned to me about Ryuichi's return... It was like god returning to the earth...and I was one of few who knew about it...yet I would be the one who'd want to enjoy it the most...

When I looked up, I found a lot of people passing by. As I leaned on a column, I crossed my arms coolly to keep from showing my agitation at his arrival. "Tatsuha-kun!" Ryuichi ran to me. I was about to wrap him in my arms...my waiting arms that had missed him even when his naked body was next to mine months earlier... But he teasingly pushed me away and in a small way, I was kind of hurt. Somehow, Ryuichi wasn't acting like himself. And I tilted my head and was about to ask why when my voice escaped from me and vanished into thin air. I had expected everything else...but not this. Not at all...

Remember that bad feeling I had?

She...walked up...next to him... ...and put her arm into his with a smile that worked as well as a double-sided dagger into the deepest recesses of my heart...

author's note: I didn't want this either, but...it is a wicked twist, and I'm known to do that...

Shocked and left open to an invisible blow that came out of nowhere, I stood there smiling my head off like a complete fool. Maybe she doesn't know Japanese... "Hi there!" the girl said to me in perfect Japanese. Gack.

C-O-M-P-E-T-I-T-I-O-N...for his affections?!

Wait a damn minute here! Didn't he tell me...?

Smoothly, I slipped my hand into hers to shake it while replying, "Nice to meet you too." "This is my good friend, Tatsuha-kun." Ryuichi said with his genki face that I didn't know whether I was more upset at that or with this whole situation. Good friend? Good friend?! What the hell was he saying 'GOOD FRIEND'?!" "Well, good meeting you too. My name is Emily." She smiled at me without the slightest idea that the guy she was talking to was me, the one who THOUGHT he had some significant place in Ryuichi's heart. Smiling through gritted teeth, we went our merry way.

I can handle this. Really!

While walking out of the airport, Emily tried politely to make conversation with me. "So, I heard you're a monk?" I nodded. "Yes." "Do you find it particularly interesting?"

She's just as perky as Ryuichi...no wonder they get along...

How about if I answered you back that it was my father's idea because his eldest son wouldn't take it? Again, I nodded my head. "Actually, it is." But all the while she talked to me, Ryuichi didn't say anything. He looked at all the things outside through the window that were passing him. I continued to 'listen' but my head was somewhere else. Probably up in the clouds I might say. But particularly, I wanted to be anywhere right now.

Anywhere but here...anywhere but here...anywhere but here...

I looked at the watch. 9:57 pm. I drove them to their hotel, but it just happened that there was an accident that caused a pile up on the freeway. Great. Prolong this ALREADY long night...

"So, what are you doing back, Sakuma-san?" I asked while watching him through the rear view window. "Just recording again," he answered back with an enthusiastic tone. "We're making new tracks in addition to 'Nagareboshi'."

I have reverted back to calling him Sakuma-san...

And 'Nagareboshi'? Hit to my heart, round two...

"How about you, Emily-san?" She looked back at me with a smile. "Ryuichi just invited me to go along with him...so I really don't know." Looking at him, I was glancing at them. "So, where are we going, Dear?" She blinked at him with a curious look. "If I'm going to marry you, I have to know where you go to, you know Ryuichi-AAAH!" With a wave of my hand, I smiled with a smile that wasn't natural anymore. "Sorry about that!" "That car cut me off!" We slowed to a stop as we were approaching the accident scene. "I'm so sorry, Emily-san!" Still being sweet as ever, she nodded. "It's okay. Sometimes Ryuichi gets that way in LA too." She giggled and put her head on his shoulder.

I'll stop looking now...I'll stop looking now...

Where to look? Where to look? Oh, my watch. Damn! It's only 10:14?! It seems so much longer. "I can't imagine why," I sarcastically thought to myself. "So, how long have you known each other?" I asked calmly without glancing back anymore. "We've been friends since we were kids! I came to school in Japan when I was little." Emily answered. "She was the girl who kept on singing whenever we went on school trips." Ryuichi chimed in. "Tatsuha-kun!" Ryuichi suddenly tapped me on the shoulder. "Can we go to a karaoke bar after dropping off our stuff?" "I'll think about it. It might be late."

Don't make me prolong this day, Ryuichi. Please! Please don't!

He came closer to me until I could feel his warmth on my back and breathing into my face. "Please?" Growing into silly putty at my god's request...

"Remind yourself to hit yourself later, Tatsuha," I mumbled to myself angrily. "Thanks, Tatsuha-kun~!" Ryuichi said as he hugged me when we entered the karaoke room. "Oh, no p-problem." I don't think it will be any time soon for me to get over Ryuichi hugging me either...

Yes, I am a complete sucker. Can I hit my head on the wall now?!!!??

From behind, Emily hugged me. "Yeah! Thanks, Tatsuha-san! I've never gone to one of these!" Trying hard not to show my shock, I asked, "Doesn't Sakuma-san ever take you to karaoke places?" She shook her head. "No." Ryuichi wasn't even paying attention and just dived into the couch to find a song in the piles of binders before us. "This looks good...yeah, this too..." I handed Emily a binder, and so did Ryuichi. But he went next to her and pointed at several songs. "I know you know that one..." As they were doing this, inside my head, a chibi tatsuha with a squeaky mallet was hitting another chibi tatsuha in monk's clothing with a big banner that exploded overhead. The confetti fell down with a big lit sign saying 'Baka da yo!!!!!!!!!!!" But as I looked for songs myself, I couldn't help but think about Emily's last statement. She hasn't been to a karaoke place with Ryuichi? He had told me it was a place to confort himself. That's why he had become a singer in the first place...

Again, I watched my god in his full transformation from genki ball to a clear-headed man with a distinct look in his eyes. And I had understood why I loved him so much ever since I saw him.

His charisma. It was so attractive.

Ryuichi had an aura about him that made him so particular from everyone else that I had ever met. I'm not saying that he isn't sexy, but it's just the way he is. His singing on stage took on a whole new personality. And yet, I was privileged enough to see my god's two sides of nature...

Emily and I clapped our hands in each other's. "Sugoi~!" "Isn't he so cool, Emily?!" I smiled with a real smile ever since we had met. "Though, he needs to use more hand movements." "Mmhm~!" She nodded in agreement. Then, at the end of the whole song, she gave him a kiss on the cheek. "Dear, sing this one too!"

...Ack...Knife through my heart number three...

I pointed my finger at another song too. "Please do this one too, Sakuma-san." He nodded at both of us. We then tried a song together, but Emily was really, really good too. From looking at her, you wouldn't have thought she could sing so well, but her voice was so beautiful! "Wai~! Thanks, Tatsuha-san!" When my turn came up, I shook my head and embarrassingly sang as Ryuichi stopped whatever he was looking at to watch me. In the end, he put his arm around my neck and laughed. "So Tatsuha-kun has been practicing without me?!" "No, he hasn't actually..."

I dropped them off at their hotel and brought them to their rooms. "Goodbye, Emily-san." I grinned and she closed the door saying, "Nice meeting you." When I turned around, that smile faded and I began to sigh. "Ow, my face muscles are aching," I thought half-unconcerned. "I can't believe this night's FINALLY over!" As I was about to pass Ryuichi's door, I just wanted to scream, "Why did you-" "Ack!" I shouted as someone grabbed me. "Shhh!" Ryuichi closed the door behind him and pushed me onto the back of the door. "Tatsuha-kun..." Tilting my head and trying to grin with all my might, I stood there motionless. "Yes, Sakuma-san?" As we gazed into each other's eyes, Ryuichi pushed my shoulders more into the door. "I..." I wanted to scream so many things back at him, but I couldn't even move, nor speak. We were unable to say anything to one another, but just stare.

When god falls for a human, he must go find one of his own kind.

I know that very well... ...but this human just wants you to look at him, Ryuichi...

Just look at me right now, Ryuichi. Only at me.

Because if I open my mouth right now, you could just blow into my face...

...and I would fall apart in front of you, Ryuichi...

Author's note: Yes, it's getting melodramatic and I hope this isn't too much of a problem. We're getting to the end that I knew before I knew what I wanted to go in between the beginning and the conclusion. *laughs*

We stood there unable to do anything but just gaze into each other's eyes with no words to convey all the emotions we wanted to express. It was too much for words to handle. All the hurt was rising and we could no longer hold back. In an almost inaudible voice, Ryuichi brushed his warm lips on my cheek as he whispered, "Gomen." I looked at everything about the room besides Ryuichi. Then, I didn't know what to respond with, but my hand shakily found its way to the doorknob. Before I knew it, my anger had risen and I whispered coldly back, "You make a fool of me for the longest night of my life, and all you can say is 'sorry'?" Pushing him away, I looked at him with the cold look I had seen my brother give to everyone including myself. It was the look that was colder than all the ice frozen in Antarctica with a low voice that held back no mercy. "I regarded you so highly, SAKUMA-SAN. But now, after all these years, I'm changing my mind." Too hurt to cry, I went out of the door without looking back. "Goodbye."

I am not like Shuichi. Though at this point, I wish I were. I was never so honest with my feelings. Nor can I express them when I really needed to. I had a clear head that could see everything and anything, except when it came to Ryuichi. Ryuichi was ALWAYS the exception...

This feeling I had for you was more than love. It was beyond more than I could say to you or even show.

I would give anything for you. Anything...

At this point, you could never understand how much I had love you. Never. You wouldn't understand now.

I really thought you had.

Your feelings had changed after all...

I stepped out of the hotel to find that it had started to rain and very hard. Pouring like buckets onto the uncrowded street, I stopped to look up into the dark sky. Hugging myself from the frigid air, I looked up to his lit room.

I felt like a broken-winged angel bleeding in the rain of tears...

Through the blur of the rain, there stood the silhoutte of my god... ...still watching over me.

Turning my head to run across the street to my car, I could not cry, but was glad that the rain could do that for me instead. I repeated to myself aloud, "I really thought you had."

I don't know why, but at 7 am in the morning, I found myself in front of the doorstep of Shuichi's and Ni-chan's. Drenched from the rain, I was dripping all over the floor and I found the courage to knock since I had come all the way here. Knock. Knock. Shuichi expectantly opened the door and his eyes grew wide at the sight. "Tatsuha-kun!" He pushed me inside and gave me a tank top and some sweatpants to change into. When I finished my shower, we sat on the couch. And what of Ni-chan? He hadn't even woken up yet. "What happened? Didn't you pick up, Sakuma-san?" He tried his best smile though he saw the frown that I could no longer hide. "It was a surprise and all!" I nodded and spoke sarcastically, "Oh yeah, it sure was a surprise to me." Shuichi blinked his eyes getting really lost as to what I was saying. And I looked somewhere else while laughing while putting my hand on my forehead. "The surprise wasn't Ryuichi. It was the fiancee he brought with him." Shuichi blinked his eyes unable to digest what he had just heard. "F-for real?"

This scene that had happened many months earlier...this familiar scene... The tables have turned, haven't they, Shuichi-kun?

"Ohh..." he nodded to himself understandingly.

But you don't know though. You all don't know that I spent the night with him or that he had made me a promise. You don't know how much more this knife is digging inside of me. You need not to...

I had expected Shuichi to pat my had sympathetically...nope. He swapped the back of my head and loudly scolded, "You go and tell him how you feel!" I looked away. Then, he grabbed my collar and shook me. "I know more than ANYONE how much you love Sakuma-san!!! You've gotta at least tell him that much!!" "If you don't, you'll regret it for the rest of your life!!" he continued. Then, I burst out something that I thought I could never say, "I can't because it can't be expressed in words!!! THAT'S HOW DEEP MY FEELINGS ARE!!!!" Shuichi smiled. "That's more like it." "Yeah, thanks, Shu-oww!" "Itai!" Shuichi also chimed in. There stood my Ni-chan glaring at us without compassion. "I woke up because you were too loud!!!" Shuichi and I picked up the pillows and gave them back to Ni-chan...

We again walked to the studio together. But no one was there...except Ryuichi. He was inside the room with a cassette about to be qued up. From below, he took out lyrics to place in front of him. Putting on the headphones, he tapped his feet. Then, the familiar fast-tempo song of Nittle Grasper came on. And he began to sing,

"(whisper) Never say a word.

Whisper to me in the rain Without moving your mouth. Lip-sync if you can, I want to hear your voice once more. In anger you turned away from me, and disappear with that asphalt smell that rain leaves behind.

Through the shadows of myself I reach deep into this feeling that makes all humans fall apart. Falling deeper into you, I've forsaken Heaven. Fallen Angel. (come to me)

Killing us deeper and deeper Without mercy or compassion Reach out if you can, I want to feel the warmth of your touch. In gentleness you looked at me, and vanish into a mirage of rain that falls continuously.

Through the darkness in myself, I rip without pity into this feeling, that makes all humans more imperfect Falling deeper inside of me, I've gone to the depths of hell itself. Fallen Angel. (kill me.)

(whisper) The words I cannot say, they work against me. I cannot keep what's important, it's slipping away. Damn Fate won't let me keep... Keep You.

Through the shadows of myself (Grasping blindly for anything) I reach deep into this feeling (This burning desire) that makes all humans fall apart. (And puts gods to their knees) Falling deeper into you, (More than you'll ever know) I've forsaken Heaven. (To find you) Fallen Angel. (Come back to me.)

When he finished, he wiped his eyes. "Tomorrow I will leave Japan again, and I didn't even..." And there was the half-Japanese girl that had come from the side of the room. Still not knowing that we were there, Shuichi and I ducked. We instead listened into their conversation.

Clap, clap. "You did great, Ryuichi." "Thanks." Rustle, rustle. "There's something I have to tell you, Emily." "Yes, dear?" "I'm going to stop the line right here." "You mean you're not serious about-" "If I marry you, I'll be doing it because my family has always married into yours."

Oh, so that's why!!!

"Y-you mean..." She sobbed. "You like that boy, don't you? The sixteen-year-old that picked us up." "Yup." Adjusting the microphone, you could hear the clicks here and there. "I told him about you. I told him I loved you once and you loved me. But he said something you would never say to me." "And what was that, Ryuichi?!" She shouted reasonably. "All my life, I have gotten everything I've wanted. I've associated with the upper class." He laughed. "Why do you think I know Touma Seguchi?" "And, I've gotten the best of everything. But..." He stopped for a moment and I could feel that he was giving her a clear look in the eye. "But, for myself, of my own free will, I've chosen to become a singer." "And what has this got to do with Tatsuha-san?" A tinge of impatience in her voice that I could never blame her to hold back. "He chose me." Silence. A long silence... "No one told him to go with me...but himself." Slap. "I myself chose to be with you, Ryuichi." The shaking in her voice along with the falling tears could be heard all too clear in Emily's voice. "I personally asked my father for myself to given to you. But when you looked at me, I knew this day would come." "..." "I knew one day, you'd leave me." With a small kiss, she shouted with all her might, "I know I'll love you more than he ever can Ryuichi!" Shaking and not going to let the chance slip away like sand in my hand, I shot up unable to take it any longer. Loudly into the microphone, I screamed while shaking my head, "No you can't!" Slowly, I looked down at them and stared into Emily's eyes. "My feeling's too strong, Emily. I can't express it with an 'I love you anymore'. It's more than love that I feel." "How can you do that, Tatsuha?" I came down to the booth and stood in front of her with a determined look. I posed all the following questions to her face: "You're supposed to know him so well, but do you know that Ryuichi always sleeps with that bunny in his arms even if he has to bite its ear from losing it?" "Do you know that Ryuichi goes to karaoke bars because that's the only way he can vent out?" "Do you know that Ryuichi is ticklish on his left side?" "Do you know Ryuichi's true smile? Do you know what that looks like?" "Do you know why he changes whenever he sings?" "No! You don't!" I continued to stare at her. "But I do." "I know that Ryuichi loves that bunny because it holds significant value. I know that Ryuichi gets so wound up that he sings what he can't say. I know that he is ticklish only when you give him chocolate. I know Ryuichi's real smile when he seems to sparkle. I know he changes whenever he sings because he expresses all the things he wants to do, but can't." "You want to fight about Ryuichi? You'll never win out on how much I know Ryuichi, little Tatsuha. I've known him much longer than you yourself have been alive." She pushed my shoulder. "So don't you DARE tell me what I know and what I don't." Then, it dawned on me. I wasn't intimidated by her anymore. I blurted out hurtfully, "Then there's just only one difference between you and me, Emily. His feeling for me is real, but for you, it's just an obligation." Slap. With all I had to say, I walked out of the booth and out of the room.

[this is from Ryuichi's perspective]

I watched them both leave. Emily went out one door and Tatsuha went out the other. Looking from side to side, I grew confused. Shuichi, from above, shouted, "Go, Sakuma-san! Make up your mind before they both leave!"

Yes, that's right...

I ran up the stairs.

He chose me.

I ran down the short hallway.

I chose him too.

Opening the door, there was a wistful eyed Tatsuha standing in front of it. He smiled at me and jokingly said, "What took you so long, Ryuichi?"

That night, while kissing me, he sang softly to my ear,

Through the shadows of myself (Grasping blindly for anything) I reach deep into this feeling (This burning desire) that makes all humans fall apart. (And puts gods to their knees) Falling deeper into you, (More than you'll ever know) I've forsaken Heaven. (To find you) Fallen Angel. (Come back to me.)

"That's what loves means to me, Tatsuha-kun..."

[back to Tatsuha's perspective]

At the airport, I hugged Ryuichi, but I didn't want to let him go. "I'll be back," he said to me with much certainty. "I love you, Tatsuha."

He finally said it to me...

Turning around, he left to check in and turned the corner.

"Bye, Ryuichi." I said to myself.

And yet again, he leaves for America. Oh well...

But a minute later, I averted my body to a voice that shouted my name. "Tatsuha! Tatsuha!" Ryuichi came running, dropped his luggage and jumped to hug me around the neck. Then, he kissed me on the cheek while saying, "Tadaima, Tatsuha." Some of the people in the airport whispered but I didn't care. My god had come back to me. I have finally caught my falling star. "Okaeri."

With Ryuichi still hanging onto me, I wrapped one arm around him and kissed the top of his head. Taking up his bags in my other arm, we went out of Narita International Airport together.

Looking down at him for a few seconds, I could only think, "God has become my fallen angel."

Hope you liked it as much as I loved making it!

Yui Miyamoto Author Pairing Rating Subject