"It's okay, Ni-chan," I said to that boy, "Nakanaide."

He smiled at me and I felt warm all over... That smile. I won't ever forget that smile...

But wasn't that just a dream?

Egao (Smile)

Again, I went to my brother's house to bug him. Well, actually, I was there to walk over to the studio with Shuichi...Ryuichi's look-alike...

Just THINKING about him makes me feel so light-headed! "Oh, Ryuichi!" I was screaming inside my mind.

"Tatsuha, you're doing it again." Shuichi looked up at me with slits for eyes. "Don't look at me like that." He turned his head with an expression that gave him away. He was still thinking about the first time I met him...and kind of jumped him...Okay, okay. I really did. And he was STILL upset over that??? "I said I was sorry all right?!" "But you always look at me like I'm Ryuichi." Shuichi retorted back. "Eh heh heh..." I scratched my head. "No I don't."

Denial. WAY IN DENIAL...

"Yes you do," he protested back as we entered the recording building. I stopped walking. "No I don't!"

Denial number two...this guy was getting good...

Shuichi-kun turned around with an eyebrow up and stopped in front of me. "You sure?" Holding up a pinky and crossing my fingers in back of me, I nodded heartily. "Uh huh!" "Okay!" He smiled again and became his genki self.

Oh man, he looks like Ryuichi even more when he's smiling so brightly...

"Tatsuha-kun! You're giving me that look again!" "No I'm not!" I denied again and looked everywhere but at him in invisible shame. Eh heh heh. I had noticed someone walking through the front glass doors of the building, but couldn't see them too well, so I stood my ground. Walking more into the building, I then heard that melodious voice that I wish could belong only to me! "Shuichi-kun~!" He greeted from far away. I stood there with a look of demure that I had learned to perfection from my own brother in times of 'trouble' or in that case, times when you think you'd look like an idiot but didn't want to. "Sakuma-san!!" Shuichi greeted back as they hi-fived one another. I walked over to them when my feet found blood flowing back into them.

So much for being cool and collected, Tatsuha... Inside I was shaking my head at myself in disapproval. Never, not when Ryuichi's around. Never...!

Taking this opportunity to introduce myself again, I took a hold of his hand and smiled with a loud voice, "Sakuma Ryuichi!!!"

Great, I was a screaming fan girl too... Tatsuha can't keep his feelings in check when he's next to Ryuichi. No, never... ...he just got more idiotic with time.

I just died when my god laughed and shook back with a firm grip. "That's me! Hi!!!"

And what a firm grip it was! I wonder if it would be the same-

But my stupid mouth was working faster than mush for a brain. Enthusiastically, I blurted, "Don't you remember me? I'm Tatsuha! Yuki's brother!" "Ah!" he nodded in agreement. "Tatsuha-kun!"

He hugged me.

Sakuma Ryuichi hugged me.

Meaning he wrapped his arms on my body...and I'm still alive?!

Oh my god...oh that's right, you're standing over me...

"Tatsuha-kun?" He waved my hands in his face as I looked up at him while lying on the floor. "Yo?" Daydreaming and wishing I would just die in a moment of bliss, I mumbled aloud, "Sakuma Ryuichi hugged me..." I know Shuichi was giving his look of disapproval and sighing, but I didn't care! He knew how I felt! He did the same with my Ni-chan... "Okay, yosh!" Shuichi thrust his fists into the air and was very psyched for the upcoming recording that he and Ryuichi were going to do.

Man, I wish I were singer sometimes than a monk at times like these...*sighs*

Ryuichi and Shuichi talked excitedly to each other, but I remained too preoccupied at eyeing Ryuichi to really notice anything else going on anyway. Not like that's a bad thing. Take things as they come... When god hands you a blessing, you damn well take it!!!!

At that moment we were getting out of the elevator, Ryuichi turned his head, tilted his head a little and smiled cutely at me.

Awww man! I can't take this...

"Ahahahaha," I laughed as I blindly walked a few steps like a drunkard and tripped going out of the elevator. "Eh tou...Tatsuha-kun..." Ryuichi commented.

With my hands and head plastered to the window of the recording studio, I think I made an slight indent on my forehead. I knew this was too much for me to take, but he was right there! Not on some video that I could rewind and wear out like fifty other vhs videos I wasted doing that...eh heh heh... But he was so close to me! After the recording, Ryuichi passed by me and just grabbed me aggressively to go to the vending machines. "I don't want to go alone!"

If this moment were for more than vending machines...a bedroom maybe? I'm making myself more hot then I should be...

"Me too!" Kumaguro popped out of nowhere and chimed in. Then, Ryuichi leaned it closer to my nose until Kumaguro's lips kissed me. Caught even more off guard and congratulating myself for not nose-bleeding for this undying cuteness, I instead blushed...as red as a tomato. No, no, I KNOW I won over that tomato... "S-sakuma-san..." I managed to sputter out while stuttering.

Aiya, Tatsuha...

"Come on!" He tugged on my sleeve and I was only too happy to oblige... Who was I to deny him of his wishes?

I sat on a bench as he pushed the soda machine for some coke. When he was finished, he sat next to me. Looking at me, he asked while holding out the can, "Want something to drink?" "Sure, why not?" I answered back.

Ooh! I'll save this! Ryuichi's actually going to buy me something! This will also go on my list of things never to be touched again...like the shirt I'm wearing which still has his smell on it...

Ryuichi began looking at his half-finshed can and handed it over to me without discretion. With incredulous raised eyebrows, I began to 'articulate' my thoughts aloud. "You...want me...to drink this?" Still holding an uncertain look in his eye, he looked like he had asked the wrong type of question, but I didn't care! This was the closest thing to a kiss! He smiled and nodded at me and was about to take the can back. "Do you mind? Or I'll buy you-" Before I let the opportunity slip away, I enthusiastically glomped the can (a can that had just touched Ryuichi's own lips a minute earlier, mind you) drank it in one gulp. When I finished, I smiled with much satisfaction. "Thanks!" Patting me on the head with Kumaguro's paw, he said, "Are you a fan of Ryuichi's?" Nodding before I could think twice and knowing he had forgotten our first encounter when I told him that I was one of his fans, I answered quickly, "Ever since I was 9!!!" "And what do you think of Ryuichi-kun?" Kumaguro's arms waved and it looked up at me with a thinking expression.

This question's way too easy...way to open if you ask me...

"I think he's really awesome." I answered without trying to seem that I 'more-than-admired' him... Again, he smiled at me and Ryuichi's own hand patted me this time. "You seem pretty cool yourself."

... I know I'm gawking inside my mind...

I avoided looking at him for a minute and was trying to get my thoughts in order. While recording, he would look up at me and wave. I, who wouldn't wave like a fool for anyone else, did so for Ryuichi.

Tatsuha, you are SO stupid...

When they finished recording, he again invited me to go to the vending machines.

Must be my lucky day... But this will last me a day...okay, no a year...okay, no a decade...eh whatever. Forever?

"Mind? Am I bothering you?" he asked with a worried look in his eyes.

Mind? You think I mind?! MIND?! A chibi Tatsuha was jumping up and down in mind waving a banner that said, "Please bother me, Ryuichi! Anytime!"

"No!" I hastily replied. We grabbed something to drink and sat on the same bench we had sat on earlier. But while we were drinking, he tilted his head and adorably leaned his head on his palm. All the while, he looked closely at me like a specimen going to be experimented upon. Looking around not knowing what I had done, I asked, "Did I do something, Sakuma-san? You're looking at me funny." He laughed at me. "Oh sorry! Didn't mean to!"

No...there's something on your mind. Tell me.

He then again laughed and patted my shoulder. "When I look at you, I'm reminded of this certain memory." With a look of curiosity on my face as well as concern, I deeply looked back at him. "Like what?" "When I was 18-years-old..." he began.

All the while he told me of how he met a little kid who had given him Kumaguro and why he loved it so much, I kept on thinking, "This story sounds so familiar!" But I couldn't shake my head or come up with any solution inside my head.

And who's that kid that brings him back? Oh, I missed it...maybe not too important...

Taking Kumaguro into my hands, I examined him and hugged it. It WAS very comforting. "So you got this from a little kid?" "Yes." He answered with a moment's closing of his eyes to think for a moment. Still looking at him, I asked, "So, why did you call it Kumaguro?" "Sorry about this. I'm just kind of tired." He then leaned his head on my shoulder.

The final kill...he's tempting me too much... Whoa...it is really getting hot in here....

Looking off to one side, he wistfully said, "I named it Kuma for bear because little kid's always have at least one bear that acts as their companion. And he's my companion! And 'kuro' is for suffering and hardship. When you put it together, it's Kumaguro." Closing his eyes after sighing, he continued, "After that day, I said that I would take things as they come and after a long time, I learned to smile again. Because of that kid, I became happier." Still with his head on my shoulder, I looked down at him as his kawaii face looked up to my own. "And you remind me of that little kid...only grown up." "I do?" I smiled happily and put my head lightly over his own. "Come to think of it, you look like someone I knew a long time ago too. Don't know who, but you do." I again scanned Ryuichi's face to figure out what I was thinking about. Whispering to myself, I consoled, "Naw, couldn't be. I just dreamt that."

[flashback]

"Ni-chan...Nakanaide." I had said with a smile.

Hours later, I looked at my brother, "I lost Ryu!" "You lost your favorite bunny?!" He gave me a look that said, I'm-not-buying-this-because-you've-watched-over-that-thing-like-a-hawk'. "Hounto ni, Ni-chan!" I hugged him while crying.

[end of flashback]

I knew that I didn't lose Ryu, but after all these years, I've forgotten the reason why... Yume...janai? It wasn't a dream??? Couldn't be...

For a while, we were in our own worlds thinking about different things...

Jumping up, Ryuichi smiled. "Come on, let's go, Tatsuha-kun~!" While getting up, I smiled and nodded. "Okay.

As we walked out to the front, he looked back at me but shook his head. Suddenly though, he took my hand and laughed. "Walk faster! Let's go karaoke!" Turning red, I couldn't understand why he was though... Then, he thought while looking back at me, "Wouldn't it be funny if it was really Tatsuha-kun who gave me Kumaguro?" This thought entered my brain and I began to drool. Not caring whether I knew if I was saying this to myself or to both of us, I commented dreamily, "And he hugs that thing everyday and brings it wherever he goes! I wish I were the bunny!"

Man, I wish I were that bunny...

"Yeah...what if it was really Tatsuha-kun?" he said again but this time as if he were talking to himself without me listening. He began to hug Kumaguro and whispered something to his ear. I knew it was something happy because he looked back at me with a smiling face while squeezing my hand running faster in the sidewalk.

But to tell you the truth, Ryuichi... ...you too remind me of someone when I watched you for the first time on video... ...blurry though it seems, you look like a boy I dreamt of a long time ago with a smile that I never forgot....

Gripping Ryuichi's hand firmly, trusting him as much as he trusted that child who pushed him to take his own precious bunny, I blindly let him guide me.

Take me to wherever you want, Ryuichi. As long as I can make you smile like that for me again...

--- Author's thoughts: 'Nakanaide' just screamed, 'sequel! sequel!' and throughout the fanfic, I kept on thinking, "This would be better if I could get Tatsuha's thoughts on this. But how?"

I didn't know it, but I named this opposite of it's 'original'. *laughs* That's why I came across Gravitation in the first place. Besides buying the pencil of a show I didn't know, besides the fact that I wanted a cute bishounen to buy at Anime Expo 2000, besides all that, I loved it for this: "I don't care about destiny."

Yeah, 'cause I really don't either...

10:20 AM 8/12/01

Yui Miyamoto Author Pairing Rating Subject