MangaJuggalette 
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Admission
"So how are you feeling?" I heard him ask. His
voice was distant, but somehow made me want to clasp my hands to the side of my
head and scream as loud as I could, to block out the sound of his voice beating
in my brain. Why did he care so much?
"I'm fine" I think I heard myself
reply, I can't be sure though, for my voice too seemed far away, not quite close
enough to be real. I felt his hand touch my face, and finally pull me towards
him, forcing me to look into his eyes.
"What happened to you Wufei?" I tried
to pull away, to stop his violet eyes from penetrating my own - probing my
thoughts, my feelings, my secrets, but his grip tightened around my chin,
preventing me from moving my face.
"Nothing - I am fine. Is that not
obvious?" He laughed. He actually laughed.
"Please spare me your lies: you
think I haven't noticed how withdrawn you've become? Do you think the others
haven't?" I ignored him, hoping he would stop talking, but he never knows when
to stop does he? "You never used to be a loud person Wufei, but at least you
talked, even if it was one of those dull, tedious women, or weak speeches." I
narrowed my eyes slightly, not at his mockery of my beliefs, but his playing
with them to try and make me admit something, to make me talk. Well it wasn’t
going to work, not on me, I was stronger than that. He continued to talk. "You
don’t even eat do you? Are you aware how weak you look." Now I knew he was
playing with my beliefs "Have you even looked in a mirror lately? Please Wufei,
talk to me!"
I turned my eyes away from his. Why should I tell them? What
can they do now? They can never help me! Not now.. not now.
"Damn-it Wufei!
What will it take to get some sense into you!!!" I saw him raise his hand, I
heard it sound, but the pain never registered. Never. For at that moment all he
did was remind me of what happened.
"I’m sorry. Oh god I’m sorry." was that
him talking? Or was it someone else? I wasn’t sure anymore. The images in my
mind were being replayed over and over, distorting the line between reality and
the pain inside.
Breathing heavily down my back. His breath was
sickly sweet, made me want to choke. I couldn’t speak, the gag inside my mouth
may have made this physically near impossible, but I know I wouldn’t have spoken
even if I could. Something about this hurt too much. My pride seemed to be
consuming any thoughts of escape. I felt myself being pushed, face first, onto
the floor. The carpet was soft, but it stuck to the sweat on my face, irritating
me more. I could feel him running his fingers along my face, through my hair. It
made me shudder, that he could touch me and I could do nothing. The ties around
my wrists held them tightly behind my back, digging into my skin. I was
helpless. Or was I? Maybe if I had protested more I could have stopped it from
happening. But no, I refused to let him see me struggle. His hands ran down my
back, moving round so they touched my stomach, continuing to run down , until he
reached my belt. He undid the clasp with ease, pulling it off in one swift
movement. I could feel my face burn with embarrassment. I knew he was fully
aware of how much this was hurting me, every time he touched me, I would shiver.
He mocked me, asking me if I was enjoying it, he knew it sickened me. I knew he
had removed my clothing now, admiring his catch. I could feel the drugs taking
effect now. Was this a black out drug in my system? No, I knew him better than
that, he wanted me to remember, wanted me to suffer more. Pushed onto my front,
he removed the blindfold. He knew I couldn’t do anything now. Grabbing me by the
throat he forced himself into my mouth, his kisses harsh, painful, burning. He
pulled back, trying to force me to look into his eyes, to really make me
remember, to imprint the vision in my memory. A moment for rebellion? No, I was
just too disgusted, and spat in his face. As he raised a hand and wiped my
saliva from his face, the look of amusement turned serious, and I was once again
turned onto my front, more forceful this time. I could hear him unzipping his
own trousers. I bit my lip, as he grabbed me by my hips. At once I try and
scream, finally giving into my fearful urges. A lot of good that does me.
"Shuttup!!" he yells. I conform to his orders. I am weak, knew I couldn’t
break free, I gave up hope of fleeing the inevitable, instead just waiting for
the end. He wedges himself between my legs. It’s hurting already, and the real
pain has barely begun. I clench my teeth shut as he pushes himself deep inside
me. It takes all my will not to gasp out with the pain. I wish so hard that I
could say it hurt the most, but I know it is no where near as painful as it will
get. Tears swell up in my eyes as I fell him pushing harder. Oh god it hurts. I
bite my lip.. I can taste the blood in my mouth, I can feel it running down my
chin, I can feel it running down my thighs. Now the tears are running down my
face too, freely now. I’m shaking with sobs, unable to control them any longer,
spurring him on even more. Every second of my pain is bliss for him, he is
loving every moment. I begin to wonder if it is ever going to end, as I stare at
the bed sheets, my cry’s muffled into the cloth in my mouth, I can see the satin
sheets stained red. I start to feel dizzy at the sight. I feel him stiffen, and
scream his ecstasy into the silent night, burning me from the inside. He pulls
out, leaving me to fall down. I am so weak, so very week. Once more he grabs my
face, I can’t object this time, and forces me to look into his dark eyes, forces
me to stare. As soon as he is sure I won’t forget, he smirks, throwing my face
down onto the covers.
"Never tell.." He laughs as he walks out the room..
"I’m sorry. I’m sorry, Wufei I am so sorry." I blink back into
reality. Somehow I have ended up in Maxwell’s arms, I can see my own tears
running down his shoulder, soaking his clothing. I can’t let go, it’s the
closest I will ever come to admission. Over his shoulder I see Heero walk into
the room. He doesn’t look at me but walks over to Maxwell. I pull myself back,
as Heero puts a hand on his shoulder.
"How’s it going in here?" he asks. I
look down. They were planning it. Duo just stared at him, before leaning forward
and whispering in his ears, no doubt telling him about my tears, my weakness.
Heero looks up, sighing, fake sympathy.
"He’ll never tell." He shakes his
head before making sure we lock eyes, the cold darkness of his own seeming to
stab me as he matched the vision imprinted in my own memory banks, a reminder.
Slowly he repeats every word, making sure it gets across "He will never tell." I
hang my head. For I am weak, and I will never tell.
MangaJuggalette
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