Poor Beards

It is difficult to make a beard look bad, although some folks have managed to take this international symbol of masculinity and superiority and turn it into a mockery. While my beard is far from great, with sparse beardholes and only short length, it is still early days and I have great distain for people who are a lot older than myself and should be veritable beard veterans, yet cannot manage to grow decent facial hair.

Such people include:

LARS ULRICH of METALLICA, circa “Kill ‘Em All”, 1983.

KING JAMES I of ENGLAND; although this beard is painted well, it has been said that James’ beard was “thin and wiry”, reflecting his immature personality. That being said, the beard depicted is long and well groomed, suggesting a great deal of patience.

PHIL ANSELMO of PANTERA and DOWN; the aforementioned bands churn out metal of the highest calibre, however Anselmo looks like a dirty teenager and while he has potential for a fine beard it is often trimmed unevenly. I suspect he gets the mocking he deserves from bandmate DIMEBAG DARRELL, a PIONEER in the field of bearding.