The Man-Caitlin Dream
This one happened a long time ago so most of the details are a little obscure. The general gist of it was that I was a man, but with woman bits (as illustrated). Walking around a nice palace thing with white marble walls, I encountered a lovely young woman who turned out to be Caitlin...except she had a horrible secret. We retreated downstairs where it was a little more private, settled on the white floor tiles and started making out. Caitlin's skeleton was ripped out of the closet as her clothes came off - she was a MAN! So even though the situation was crazy it all worked out in the end. And you can all breathe a sigh of relief, as nothing actually happened after the clothes disappeared. Caitlin up and left me. Bitch...bastard...
The Old Woman in the Shower Dream
You know what? I opened up Paint to do a picture of this one, but nothing could do it justice without being utterly depraved. So depraved it couldn't even feature on this website. I'm a man again in this one and when I woke up I considered the possibility that I've got some sort of gender mix-up disorder. I'm not only a man, but an invisible one. Ah, the power! The ultimate sneak-theif! I was prowling this bathroom when an old lady comes in and goes to use the shower. I hop inside with her. Bla bla bla, washing hair, bla bla bla. So I poke her and she looks around for a second. Seeing nothing, she goes back to soaping herself. I poke her again and she dies on the spot. She's totally stiff, standing in the shower, looking so...delicious. As her face turns blue, because apparently your face turns blue when you die standing up in the shower, I take her by the shoulders and get ready for some hardcore necrophilia...BANG! The bathroom door opens and Caitlin appears and rushes to the old chick's aid. End of dream.Now, I was just as utterly disgusted when I woke up as you are now. I can no longer take showers the same way ever again, without feeling her cold, soft skin brush teasingly against my fingers...
The Ryan Dream
Ryan and I were in the middle of space because...well, we just were. We'd been stranded in some distant galaxy and had no way of getting home except by slingshotting ourselves around this tiny sun so we could pick up speed and vrooom our way home. Our attempts failed, because every time we threw ourselves at this thing we hit it and fizzled out of existence, only to reappear and try it again! It was way too hot for us, so I did the one logical thing - covered it in tomato sauce. We then stood proudly on top of it, the sauce shielding us from the heat, and Ryan stooped down to stick his nose in it. As he did, a little bit of the sun was exposed and a little ray shone out next to Ryan's giggling sauce-nosed face. Then, as often happens in dreams, things suddenly changed scenes and Ryan and I were IN BED OMG! He was on his belly reading so I climbed on top of his back and he got all excited so we had a brief shag, which was a lousy effort on his behalf. The reason was revealed later as we discovered that certain parts of my anatomy had bitten off certain parts of his anatomy. I would draw the end result, but it's a little uncool. Just picture a bloodied stump looking strangely like the tip of an elephant's trunk. Ryan should be proud that my subconscious calculated his size from megafauna.
Luka, Ryan and Tom...
Just a quick one. Me, Luka and Ryan were standing outside my house. Luka ended up with her hands up my top which was fairly disturbing, followed by Ryan, which wasn't. Then Tom walked past and I invited him in for a little hanky panky for half an hour before I had to be somewhere. He replied "No, I can't get hard since you hate me and everything". Ah, the cold, bitter wind of rejection...
Me and Gareth, All Alone...
Just kidding.
Cuttlefish in Chemistry
Ryan just reminded me to put this one up, but the thing is I hardly remember it at all. It involved Chemistry being held behind a shipwreck leaning against a rock wall underwater. Ms H was nowhere to be seen, but in her place was a huge cuttlefish that tried to eat us all. Perhaps this was foreshadowing to the attack that later happened diving. I left my hair out which a roving cuttle thought to be tentacles. It then tried to maul me, missing my head and hitting my reg instead. Nice guys, those cuttlefish. Big thanks to the other divers who gave me a hand in my predicament by being immobilised by laughter.
On Stabbing Grandparents and Exploding Persons
This isn't a funny-weird dream, this was just weird. There was some sort of demon possessing people so I spent the first half of the dream running away from them, as you do in dreams. After I shook them off, I went into a shop my grandma owned. She's currently in hospital with a fractured hip, so she's on my mind and no doubt forced her way into my dream. Anyway, as soon as I saw her I took out a piece of jagged hard plastic and started stabbing her in the head, because this would apparently 'help her'. After a while she had blood dripping everywhere so I made a quick exit and found myself in a bar. A lot of what happened is pretty muddled in my head, but there was something about my dad and my sister Annie dancing together and making out going on in the background as I ordered a drink. Suddenly the guy next to me starts convulsing and shaking violently. His skin rips down his back and begins to curl around to the front, effectively turning him inside out. There's blood all over the bar and the floor and the walls surrounding the still-alive corpse-looking man, who starts screaming. Out of his back crawls a little yellow imp with red eyes. Though nothing was said, I immediately knew that this man had split into two halves - the evil had totally left him, embodied in the imp, leaving a perfect human behind. The man was still screaming out words as he died - "Oh my God, it's so beautiful!" Then he stopped moving. It seemed that some sort of proof had taken place, that man cannot live without an element of evil, that it hides within us all and holds the balance which keeps us alive. Philosophical, eh? Seeing that guy lying there inside out...that's going to be something tattooed to the back of my eyelids for a while.