Bitch of the Week for December 22-28, 2002

JOEL SCHUMACHER

Here he is. The first ever bitch of the week. I know some of you might be thinking, "Hey why this guy?" Well, lets run down a couple movies under his direction.

  1. Saint Elmo's Fire-Sucked
  2. Cousins-Crap
  3. Bad Company- Well the title's half right
Still, this isn't enough to receive the honor of "Bitch of the Week." You have to do something like ruin a popular franchise to earn that title. How can you do this? With adding one thing(well technically two things), nipples (yes, nipples.) Now normally nipples would make a crappy film worth seeing, but good old Joel decided to put nipples on the bat-suit. Yes, the bat-suit. Now, you're probably thinking how that could ruin a movie. Let me give you some examples.


No Nipples: 60's Batman - Good Television series

No Nipples: First Batman Movie (1989) - Second only to X-Men, in my opinion, as the best comic book movie ever.

No Nipples: Batman Returns (1992) - not as good as the first, but it's still a great Batman movie.

No Nipples: Animated Batman - good animation, good story, good cartoon

Nipples: Batman Forever (1995) - Batman's reputation as a respectible crime fighter takes a plunge with Joel's first Batman movie.

Nipples: Batman & Robin (1997) - The worst piece of crap to ever cary the name Batman or any comic character. "Batman & Robin" did everything wrong from casting to changing origins of the characters. It also took out the dark in the "dark knight" that made the first two so great and was toned down to an hour and a half kiddy piece of garbage.

No Nipples? - Yep, for some reason Joel decided the only suit not to need nipples was Bat-Girl's.

Well Joel, what franchise should you ruin next? How about X-men or Spider-Man, or you could just save yourself the time and go into directing gay porn, BITCH!

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