OUR MISSION:

 

MATTSHOUSE.COM IS DEDICATED TO THE GOAL OF WASTING MORE OF ANGELFIRE’S WEBSPACE THAN THE MILLION-AND-ONE N*SYNC FANSITES CURRENTLY PRESENT.  WE ARE FILLED WITH HATE.

 

MATTSHOUSE.COM IS A NON-PROFIT ORGANIZATION, BECAUSE NO ONE WILL GIVE US MONEY.  IF YOU PAY US, WE’LL SAY NICE THINGS ABOUT YOU.  WE’LL BE YOUR BESTEST BEST FRIENDS.  YOU DON’T HAVE ANY FRIENDS, DO YOU?

 

MATTSHOUSE.COM HAS BEEN SERVING THE ENTERTAINMENT NEEDS OF YOUR CASHEW-SIZED MINDS SINCE AUGUST 2001.  THAT GIVES US SENIORITY OVER 83% OF OTHER INTERNET CORPORATIONS.  AS WE HAVE NO PROFIT MARGIN, WE HAVE NO LOSS.   SO WE’RE KICKING THEIR ASSES FINANCIALLY, TOO.

 

MATTSHOUSE.COM BELIEVES IN THE SYNERGY OF TECHNOLOGY, ENTERTAINMENT, AND PERSONNEL.  IN KEEPING WITH THIS BELIEF, ALL OF OUR PRODUCTIONS ARE POWERED AND DESIGNED BY CYBERNETICALLY ENHANCED HUMAN EMBRYOS HOOKED UP TO A 1989 APPLE.  OUR ELECTRICITY IS FURNISHED BY GIANT BIOENGINEERED SUPER-GERBILS ON EXERCISE WHEELS MADE FROM THE BONES OF OUR ENEMIES.

 

HAVE A NICE DAY. OR ELSE...

 

 

bruno the super-gerbil

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