Monday.December 23,2002.
HAPPY HOLIDAYS EVERYONE! (altho i hope you're not reading this page...my words are anything but eloquent ^^;)
What's ur favorite gift this Christmas? I already know mine even before i received all the gifts ^^
my favorite and most precious gift is Jesus, given to me but God the Father, and i will treasure Jesus in my heart for eternity =)
what's sad tho, is that most adults tend to associate with giving gifts & getting together with family, while their children get excited about receiving gifts from Santa, reindeers, elves, etc.
yea, this is the way of the world. We live for things that are superficial, things that are concrete to their senses but with nonexistent values behind the deceiving appearances.
All things lacking the Spirit of God is superficial. I didn't know that. I used to think if i value emotions & sentiments & things we cannot see more than material things, then i can avoid superficiality. But Ecclesiastes 1:2 says 'Everything is meaningless.' Because death comes to everything. But eternal life exist in only the kingdom of God. Only life through Christ is life meaningful.
This is what Pastor Hsu preached on the past Sunday service. There are three things that we cannot escape in this life: sin, suffering, and death. These are problems no human talent can solve, not technology, not science...but only Christ.
Christ is the ultimate answer. He is the connection between us and God. He is our ladder to heaven.
Oh. and i read this really interesting article today, about Billy Graham, the top evangelist in our generation. His children are taking over their father's work. And these sentences relly impressed me. Anne Graham Lotz (Graham's daughter) responded to criticism:
" 'I don't believe September 11 was a judgment for our sin,' she said. 'But i think it's a warning to people, and to the church foremost, to wake up and get right with God....We have told Him with vehemence over the past few years to get out of our schools, get out of our government, get out of our marketplace...and then when something like this happens we ask, 'Where is God?' "
How dare we even ask that kind of question. God's given us free will. To obey Him...or not to. When we don't, that's when we fall into evil. Yea, this is a fallen world. Where man CHOOSE to sin, when man drink and drive and then blame God for causing their car accident.
For people who always criticize God for things they don't understand yet never bothered to find the answer (like myself in the past), GOD DOES NOT PREDESTINE EVIL. GOD HATES evil. (There's a verse for this, can't find it right now.) If GOD created man to be good, then what's the point? we'd be like a whole bunch of programmed robots in flesh. GOD created us because of love, because He wanted to share His love, His joy. How can you love someone if you take away their freedom?
Anyway...typing too much right now....must save more for later ^^;
Friday. November 29, 2002.
This Thanksgiving was GREAT. I've never had a funner Thanksgiving. Yesterday at church i learned the true meaning of fun: to serve others =D it was so exciting cuz i've never done it before! I was part of the group who served food to about 100+ ppl (i think). Then later we heard 3 Thanksgiving testimonies which made me think of what i have to give thanks for, and that i must give more thanks than these ppl who testified, for my life had not met their difficulties. Anyhow. On Friday morning (this morning) i got up at 5: 40am to catch the 6:20am bus so i can get to CEF center before 7:20am. It was tough when i had to get up, but it wasn't too bad, considering i slept at 2am ^^ Man, the day just OVERFLOWED with blessings from the Lord. The presence of the Holy Spirit in my Christian brothers and sisters is STRONG. It was sooo graceful to finally meet other Christian brothers and sisters that i wasn't able to meet before. I never knew i have such devoted, energetic and spiritual brothers ands sisters before, the power and warmth of their love totally overwhelmed me...and i felt in them the same Spirit of which we were reborn of. They all knew and heard about me, and yet i've never even heard of their names =P
The morning started out with a Bible study given out our missionary Auhro(?) to remind me the purpose of our creation: love. Then after that we went to a beach to barbeque. Even though the rain brought on difficulties and one of our car keys got lost, we endured and overcame the obstacle with everyone diligently and faithfully searching in the heavy rain. Of course, the keys were found because of that =) Then back at the CEF center, we sang praises. What can i say, i've never heard stronger and more passionate voices for God! Everyone just poured out their love and their souls in praising the Holy One. Everyone were so cooperative and so talented because we were really singing with all of our hearts ^^ Praise the Lord! Then, the last thing we did together before i went home was watching Monsters Inc., it's such a funny and cute movie ^^ Sigh, i miss my brothers and sisters T_T i wanna see them again soon... I felt sad as i was leaving =( '2' squeezed me sooooooo hard that i almost exploded! ^^ that was the tightest hug i've ever had! lol. but that shows how our bond grew in just one day ^^ May the Lord be with us always =)
Wednesday. November 27,2002.
whew. finally. done with tons of school work that were due today. tough tough week to be followed by a graceful Thanksgiving weekend loaded with rewards from our loving, merciful Heavenly Father ^^ Thank You God the Father for blessing me with the ability to withstand difficult times such as these...endowing me with undeserved and abundant energy even with minimal sleep. Thank You for listening and answering to my prayers, even though at times i worried b/c i lacked the trust in You =( Still Your powers prevailed...and You showed me that all is well if i just pray and keep my faith in You ^^ I will follow my living Redeemer the Christ...
Who, being in very nature God,
Did not consider equality with God something to be grasped,
but made himserlf nothing,
taking the very nature of a servant, being made in human likeness
Philippians 2:6-7
Amen. Just suddenly reflecting on today's Bible lesson ^^ Fan the flame in my heart, Lord, and let me continue to thirst after You and Your Word ^^
Sunday. November 10, 2002.
Today my mom and i had the longest argument in a long time.After church service, my aunt called me over and wanted to discuss somethings with me. She wanted me to think about becoming part of the leaders for
our fellowship group, basically she hinted that we need to start bring the unbelievers to Christ. I believe, this is the Lord's calling for me.
He wants me to take action, He wants to work through me to bring back His lost lambs. I've dreamt about doing this, but didn't know that it would be so soon. I wonder if i thought about this before because it was a vision from Him. The biggest obstacles however, are my parents, sadly. The first one to go through, is my mom. She absolutely opposed the idea. She insisted that i put school FIRST on my priority list. I tried
to convince her to let me go to the Lord, to do His work. She point blank rejected my arguments. Even when i tried to bring up the Bible, she denied them.
Ironically, she's suppose to be a Christian. Older people are probably slower to really HEAR the Word of God...I really hope she would understand some day, and that she would be happy for me, and free from worldly worries. She has been baptised, by water, yes, but not by fire. Her spirit is still asleep,
and has not been reborn. I will work super hard, so that..when Judgment Day comes, if she still hasn't been reborn, the Lord might spare her on my behalf.
She barely left me a little lee way, saying that if the task isn't too time-consuming, i can try for a while, but if my grades start to go down, i would have to withdraw immediately. Now im just wonderin how i'm gonna win my dad on this...i'm kinda worried,
even though...i know that, when God wills me to do something, it will come through, no matter what. Because Our Lord is the omnipotent Miracle Worker =)
But i'm gonna ask alot of people to pray for me...to ask God to give me the strength to face these difficulties. I can do all things through Christ. No matter how difficult. Engineering is a tough major, but my Lord's blessings will make me tougher. So my mom called me illogical, and that my judgment is clouded and messed up, that i'm not thinking in reality. Today I'm persecuted...for my belief in the Truth, but I know I am receiving His blessings in the process. I hold still to my faith that God
is the truth, and the only way to the truth, is through Jesus Christ.
...Then on the way home....a song popped into my head
I want to be Your hands
I want to be Your feet
I'll go where You send me
I'll go where You send me
And I'll try, yeah I'll try
To touch the world like You touched my life
And I'll find my way
To be Your hands
Let my unshaken determination to do His will testify that God had called on me.
No matter what, God's will will be done, because He is God.
Saturday. November 9, 2002.
Today was an AWESOME day. From morning to night. I started reading the book of John last night, and continued this morning til when i left for the mall. and I finished it! just in time for the meeting with Cassie and Josh. Then we watched "Jonah", the story in the Bible, about the prophet who ran away from God but asked for mercy and God gave him a second chance. It's a good reminder for all of us. We shoudl be merciful toward others as God is merciful to us =) The highlight of the day tho, was when Cassie presented her gift to me....i was sooooo touched, my heart overflowing with gratefulness...it's something im going to treasure for a lifetime. She gave me a leather bound Bible with my name inscripted on the cover...up to now, i'd been using a kid's Bible =P that one's really good too tho, it's kind of like a study Bible, it was my first Bible. She also gave me leather covers for the Bible. Also a little heart with "Jesus Christ" on it to clip onto the zipper of the leather cover....so adorable ^^ that's not all! i also got a cross that i can pin onto my shirt =))))
I gave myself something too ^^ at the B. Dalton bookstore, i found a really good book that i had started reading, it's a paperback called "My Utmost for His Highest" and i bought it! =D after finishing this book, i'll pass it onto someone else so it'll be more than worth the price to have more than one person read it =) im sooooooooo happy right now...can't wait to goto church tomorro =D more spiritual food for me!!
Tuesday. October 29, 2002.
MY REDEEMER LIVES! HALLELUJAH!
Saturday. September 21, 2002.
all i can say...japanese fobs are so cool(well not in the fashion sense...)! >_<
Sigh. Tonite was so much fun. I went to church with my family to celebrate autumn moon festival, not expecting much. I really enjoyed the programs the church members prepared, they were very entertaining, funny, hilarious and really touched my heart =) I can't forget this special performance by a professional 'gu qin' performer lady who came from Beijing. Her performance on the 'gu qin' just totally overwhelmed me. 'gu qin' is a famouse chinese instrument is a string intrument, like a harp that lies down on a wooden case. the sound was just majestic and heavenly. Her fingers look like they just flew over the strings, barely brushing against them. Hard to believe the her seemingly effortless movements could produce such intricate, mesmerizing music. WOW.wow.WOW.wow.WOW. im still astounded. GIFTED. BEAUTIFUL. She looked like she was dancing to the rhythm of her instrument. It made me feel like i missed out alot on life. I wish i could learn how to play like that. Her performance was followed by really really funny performances by selected ppl from the audience, i and others totally laffed our arses off! =D we actually had some fobs (white ones too!) go up to stage and participate in those games....so funny!!
Then after that we had a wonderful feast, the food was absoulutely DELICIOUS!! all kindsa chinese goodies, and of course, can't left out the mooncakes =D
while eating, i noticed a fob standing next to my cousin, Alice. I tugged at her and pointed him out, cuz he was wearing bell bottoms. To my horror and total embarrassment, she turned to him and said, "hey, nice pants." i was like OMGOSHHHHHHH SAVE USSSS!!!!!!
And what's worse, since his english wasnt too good, he didnt catch what she said, so my cousin had to repeat it several times. I was absolutely horrified, trying to pull her away and stop her from asking that embarrassing question. Well it couldnt be helped, and basically it started a nice conversation. Thank goodness he weren't offended. I had alot of fun trying some of the random japanese words i learned from anime hehe. Later i learned that this guy was 18 and his friend (also a japanese fob) was 19 and he appeared to be wearing a pair of capris. i was blinded X_X no doubt. They were foreign exchange students studying at csun. the 18 yr old guy actually knew about shingo mama and the 'yatta' song performed by happatai. I was overjoyed ^_^. I kinda wanna meet them again, but i doubt it =) since they're not Christians and they don't speak chinese hehe. Thank you Lord for such a fun experience =)
Monday. August 26, 2002.
This afternoon, I climbed onto my dining room table and napped on it. Then when i wanted to get up i couldn't, i remembered my two arms pushing up my body but my numb neck was keeping me from getting up. I dunno why that is, but i couldn't get up by myself no matter how hard i tried. I kept trying to get my mom's attention (she was at the sink, facing my way)by waving my arms and pointing my my neck, tried to say "neck" in chinese but my voice could barely be heard. My mom had been calling me to wake me up several times, i heard them, i believe i was perfectly conscious, but i just couldn't reach her and i couldnt get up by myself. (I even heard my dad coming back, and my mom yelling at him for buying so many things to bring to San Fran). I was so anxious that i started to cry, i thot if i sobbed she would notice there was something wrong with me and finally come to help me off the table. When she finally did come to wake me up, she said "why are you crying?" I opened my eyes, and pointed to my neck and said 'my neck is numb, i can't get up." As soon as she touched my neck, I realized the numbness had gone away, and i could speak. I wondered if my numb neck had been part of my dream...well afterwards, i told my mom the dream i had a couple of days ago.
This is what happened:I woke up to this sensation, like a creature's tongue on my mouth as it held me down. I couldn't move my limbs, my whole body was numb. I tried to see around me, but my sight failed me. I called out for my mom but no voice came out. All my senses failed me except for my consciousness. Then this unseeing force bent me at my waist and kept bending until I told myself "this HAS TO BE A DREAM! WAKE UP! WAKE UP!" and i did. I couldn't sleep afterwards, i was afraid that it would attack me again if i did. I had trouble convincing myself that it was a dream, then i seriously thought about the existence of demons, or the devil himself. I had read about them in my Bible, but i guess i subconsciously rejected that possibility or just refused to think about it until i was confronted that night. I was so scared, but then i told myself that i must pray. In my prayer, i asked Jesus to cast out the demons in me, and watch over me as i sleep. And finally, i fell asleep with the comforting thought: Jesus in my heart.
After telling my mom about that dream(i left out the creature part), she confessed that, while I was still living in the dorms, she had similar dreams (twice) when she slept in my room. She felt something pressing on her body and she couldn' move, so she forced her eyes open to wake herself up. So, then, we had both realized what was happening to us weren't possible and we realized it was a dream. But usually in dreams, you're not suppose to realize when something is possible or not....so were those really dreams?
Surprisingly, I felt more comforted rather than scared after hearing my mom talk about her experiences. Mom offered to sleep in my room with me for a few nights but i said it was okay and that i'm not afraid b/c i have Jesus watching over me. My eyes watered when i said that hehe. I know my mom loves me, but nothing would keep the devil away except for my faith in Jesus Christ. Mom stopped sleeping in my room and went back to her own room, she even set up a portrait of Jesus on my headdresse. My mom told several church friends after what she'd experienced, and they told her to pray to God and ask Him to keep out the devil. I did that without anyone telling me to ^^. I feel that, whatever happened because the devil had come to get me because of my un-Christian thoughts. Jesus Christ must have known that I am earnestly desiring to become like Him, and trying to live the Word of God, so He had let this happen to discipline me, so in a way, He was also watching over me =) I feel His love and his power each time i think about this =) I feel His warmth surrounding me, and how lucky I am to have his care. I am His little sparrow =D and i will never fall away from my Father. Everynight, I will pray for the Lord to watch over everyone and keep us safe from the devil =D Wo Hen Gao Xin ^_^
Sunday. August 25, 2002.
"You may know alot, yes, but there's also a lot you don't know. "Don't be a wiseacre," wrote Paul to the Romans (11:20). Admit you're not omniscent. And when it comes to standing in line, what about the people ahead of you? Apparently, they know more than you do. Get used to knowing less than God. Get used to the middle of the line. That's where you belong.
What's the most profound, and yet the most practical, lesson you can learn? That you look likean ant! What's the deepest wisdom and yet the highest perfection? That you are an ant! Have no illusions about yourself--that's what Paul laid upon the Romans (11:20). Hold high opinions only about others." --Thomas a Kempis 'The Imitation of Christ'
That was quoted from what i've been reading today, and it reminded me of the conversation i had with tingie last night. we talked about how some people talked like intellectuals and they're always digging into things more than necessary. Why make life more complicated than it already is? Why not just enjoy life as it is? Embrace simplicity! Sometimes life is more enjoyable if you don't make a fuss about everything. Doesn't matter what comes out of the mouth, all we need to do is live a virtuous life =)
"A shower of glitter doesn't slake the thirst of a soul. A life well lived, on the other hand, refreshes the mind, and a conscience well formed developes the confidence one needs when it comes to dealing with God," quoted from the same reading.
Saturday. August 24, 2002.
Well, I decided to delete all the journal entries prior to this date on my journal page. I saved it on my PC but I just don't really want people to come back here and read what I wrote before. I'm not exactly comfortable with people (esp. people who randomly surfed and found my page) to read about me, some things are just too personal, i shouldn't have posted them here. This page was really built for myself to look back on (with the pretty background and all)and I guess to entertain my friends, I didn't think people would care enough to check this page regularly, but I guess some people do. I guess I'll keep a separate journal entry for my personal feelings =P Occasionally I'll just post stuff that I don't mind others reading...
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