Milhouse: How could this happen? We started out like Romeo and Juliet but it ended up in tragedy.

Apu: Hey, hey, this is not a lending library. If you're not going to buy that thing put it down or I'll blow your heads off!

Homer: [singing] My baloney has a first name, it's H-O-M-E-R, my baloney has a second name, it's H-O-M-E-R.

Homer: Kids, kids. I'm not going to die. That only happens to bad people.
Bart: What about Abraham Lincoln?
Homer: Uh, he sold poison milk to school children.

Homer: Family meeting! Family meeting!
[the rest of the family runs into the dining room and quickly takes their seats]
Homer: Okay, people, let's keep this short. We all want to get home to our families.
[all laugh]
Homer: All right, first item: I lost our life savings in the stock market. Now let's move on to the real issue: Lisa's hogging of the maple syrup.
Lisa: Well, maybe if Mom didn't make such dry waffles. There, I said it.
Marge: Well, maybe if you'd eat some meat you'd have a natural lubricant.
[gasps and turns to Homer]
Marge: You lost all our money?
Homer: Point of order -- I didn't lose ALL the money. There was enough left for this cowbell.
[rings it softly and the bell breaks apart in his hands]
Homer: Damn you, eBay!

Bart: Dad, your half-assed underparenting was a lot funnier than your half-assed overparenting. Homer: But this time I'm using my whole ass!

Apu: The aspirin is $24.95.
Marge: $24.95?
Apu: I lowered the price because an escaped mental patient tampered with the bottle.

Milhouse: And do you remember the time when Santa's Little Helper ate my goldfish, and you tried to convince me that I never had a goldfish ... but why did I have the bowl Bart, why did I have the bowl?

Chief Wiggum: Okay,folks, show’s over. Nothing to see here, show’s … Oh my god! A horrible plane crash! Hey, everybody, get a load of this flaming wreckage! Come on, crowd around, crowd around! Don’t be shy, crowd around!

Chief Wiggum: What IS your fascination with my forbidden closet of mystery?

Barneys Japanese Girlfriend: I would like a single plum, floating in perfume, served in a mans hat.

Homer: All right, let's not panic. I'll make the money by selling one of my livers. I can get by with one.

Bart: What's Santa's Little Helper doing to that dog? Looks like he's trying to jump over, but he can't quite make it.

Homer: Remember as far as anyone knows, we're a nice normal family.






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