Seth: Everyone knows 80 is the new 75.
The telenovela
Seth: Over-exposure, its a major source of conflict in a relationship.
Summerith, Sethimer? You understand what I'm saying?
Ryan: No no, but that's normal.
Julie: Is this a booty call?
Caleb: What's a boo-tee call?
Julie: It's when you show up at night, unannounced. No apologies. No compliments. No comitments. Just some crappy mini-carns from Ralph's. And the very mistaken idea that I might just want to [slams]
Caleb: I guess it was a booty call.
Marissa: What I lack in nunchucks I make up for in sabre
Summer: Do you need to stretch so you don't pull a hammy? Or are you ready for your workout?
Summer: I've had enough cohen.
Seth: I left your house 2 hours ago.
Summer: Yeah, well it feels like 4.
Luke: Hey Mrs...
Julie: Do not say my name outloud. Come to the motel, park across the street then walk. I'll get the same room. Knock twice so I know it's you. And Luke, this is a booty call.
Seth: A triangle's not a friendly shape ... it's a point, it has sharp edges ... triangles hurt people...
Kirsten: He's a consultant
Sandy: Could you be please be a little more vague?
Kirsten: He knows people.
Sandy: You did it. That was more vague.
Julie: Luke, I'm Marissa's mother. You're a student at this school. We can't do this.
Luke: You mean, it's over?
Julie: No I mean in the hallway. I'll see you tonight.
Luke: Good bye mrs cooper...and mr cooper. I'll see you...both
Theresa: Ooh the ninja game...you're dead.
Seth: Brad, dude I didn't recognize you out of the speedo. Not that I recognize you in a speedo.
Summer: Sure we're this week's hottest couple and then world gets sick of it. The shopping sprees, the strip clubs, the people turn against us. Okay. How many juicy sweatsuits does she need? Ugh that goatee is so mid-90's. And pretty soon the movie bombs and the wedding is called off. But i'm not gonna let that happen to us. Because Cohen, what we have is special.
Seth: That's maybe just the...
Luke: I wish we could stay here forever.
Julie: Why?
Luke: We got everything we need here. We got our bed, we've got our cable, we got each other. This place is awesome.
Julie: This place is not awesome, it's $79 a night.
Luke: I gotta motor. I don't want to be late for homeroom.
Julie: You have homeroom? Right, cause you're in high school. You're only 18.
Summer: What are you gonna do, Coop? Lift weights? Wear a wife beater?
Ryan [explaining to Theresa]: There’s no such thing as just ice cream in Newport. Instead of car washes, they have auto spas. Dogs have day care, Fashion Island has valet parking. It’s a weird place.
The goodbye girl
Summer: My dad says, "Chins are the new nose."
Anna: So did Picasso.
Summer: Really, what hospital does he work for?
Anna: [glance at Seth Cohen]
Seth Cohen: [stare at Summer]
Summer: Kidding! I'm not that dumb, just shallow.
Sandy: If anyone is gonna be putting you in handcuffs, it's gonna be me.
Seth: My Jew-fro is frizzing out, I look like Screech.
Seth: I'm not self absorbed, right Ryan. Me, Me, Me.
Julie: Now now, Luke, behave.
Luke: It's just ... your ass.
Sandy (in reference to Ryan): It's amazing, his lips don't even move.
Seth: But what will I do without your wisdom?
Anna: Confidence, Cohen.
Ryan: Nice one. Well, at least we still have each other.
Seth: Actually, I have Summer now. But I'll put a little Seth/Ryan time on the books. That's quality time.
Ryan: Thanks, buddy. You know, I could always hang out with Luke. I wonder what he's doing right now.
Seth: I don't know. Discovering fire... Hunting and gathering... maybe shaving his chest with a buck knife.
Seth: No, but just tell me this. What sort of level of kiss are we talking about? Was it like a, like a Christina/Madonna peck? Or was it like a Britney/Madonna sorta smooch? Or was it like a full on, like a, like Al and Tipper Gore liplock?
Kirsten: It would be nice if Uncle Sean could be here.
Sandy: Not if we have to pay for the bar tab.
Seth Cohen: I can't believe I caused a girl to leave the state... the county, maybe, sure.
Seth: Everyone knows 80 is the new 75.
Jimmy: Hey Jules, Luke.
Julie: Luke just came by to defrag my hard drive.
Ryan: She’s staying. What am I going to do?
Seth: She’s leaving. What am I going to do?
Seth: Just tell her, huh? Simple, honest, direct. No wonder I never considered it.
Anna [to Ryan]: Could you give him this? It’s supposed to say everything that I couldn’t say, but now that I’m here I just, I can’t say anything at all.
Seth: What if the girl I’m supposed to be with went back to Pittsburgh?
Ryan: She went back to Chino.
Seth: Why would Anna go back to Chino?
Anna: Bye Blanche.
Summer: Seeya Rose.
The L.A.
Ryan: How does that guy play high school?
Paris: Relax, all you LA chicks are so lame.
Summer: Hey, we're not from LA, we're from Orange County.
Paris: Orange County, eww.
Summer: She said "eww!"
Julie: I'm late, I thought we were only going to do it once.
Luke: Can we talk now?
Julie: Can't now hun, gotta go be with the adults, talk to you later.
Kirsten: Julie is that a...
Julie: Curling iron burn.
Seth: No! She cannot find out. She does not handle the bad news well at all.
Seth: I can't believe they were at a motel, it's just, it's so cheap, so tawdry.
Ryan: Yeah, that's the real moral of the story here.
Luke: Hey man what's up?
Ryan: Nothing? So did you have sex with Julie Cooper today?
Luke: Wha, wha, wha, wha, what?
Seth: He is like me, he is like me with his own TV show?
Ryan: She's a probably, just working a lot.
Seth: Professional woman.
Ryan: Yeah, busy.
Summer: Getting busy.
Summer: He's an Elf, he saved Middle Earth, that's a huge part of European History.
Marissa: You're beginning to sound like Seth.
Ryan: Yeah, well, it rubs off.
Seth [to Ryan]: Finally, you have no women to protect from violent goatee factory workers or pill popping manic depressives.
Summer: He is so cute.
Marissa: Really, you think?
Summer: Yeah, not in your traditional kind of way, but he’s hilarious. He’s so funny. I hear he, like, improvises all his scenes.
Marissa [pretending Ryan is an actor]: You are actually a little shorter than I imagined.
Ryan: Is that Grady?
Seth: Yeah.
Ryan: He’s kinda like you.
Seth: Handsome and charming?
Ryan: Kinky and sarcastic.
Ryan: How does that guy play high school?
Seth: Hollywood, man.
Seth [to Grady]: I heard some really, really awful music and I knew it could only be self indulgent actors with instruments.
Summer: Wait! You two are dating. Oh God, don’t you think that’s a bad idea? I mean, what if things don’t work out? And you guys break up and, I mean, isn’t that bad for the show?
Marissa: I guess I'm the brains.
Seth: No I'm the brains, Ryan's the brawn. Sorry.
Ryan: You can be the beauty.
Summer: Then what am I?
Seth: The boobs?
Summer: Hey!
Seth: The bitch?
Summer: I'll take the boobs.
[later on that night]
Marissa: I still think I should be the brains.
Ryan: Sorry, Seth's the brains.
Marissa: Well you're definitely not the beauty.
Ryan: Now someone's the bitch.
The Nana
Seth: [waking up in a sudden] It's my precious.
Seth: hey, what's wrong?
Luke: You were asleep. That's whats wrong.
Seth: I was adjusting my back.
Seth: Sorry. Did you accidentally sleep with Marissa's mom? Or did you accidentally tell Marissa about it?
Luke: I'm in no mood.
Seth: Good. Keep it in your board shorts next time. Know what I mean?
Seth: "So, what's the GP, RA?"
Ryan: I have no idea what you just said.
Seth: Game plan, Ryan Atwood.
Ryan: You're just using initials now?
Seth: Yeah, it saves time.
Ryan: Well not if you have to translate.
Seth: GP.
Ryan: Game plan?
Seth: Good point.
Sandy: If you're happy, you're not working hard enough.
Seth: Mom, Hailey made three different kinds of pancakes and waffles. They’re deliciously redundant.
Julie: I would love to stay and chat, Ryan. But I have to go find my daughter.
Ryan: Not if I find her first.
Sandy: You're not ready for the Nana, are you? Well no one's ever ready for the Nana. That woman is scary!
Kirsten: Sophie, you remember, my sister, Hailey.
Sophie: Oh, right, the bad seed. I always liked you best, don't tell the others.
Seth: I have to go. Summer is having a Hebrew hernia.
The Nana: The only nice thing about having cancer is that I can smoke all I want. Try not to ruin it for me.
Seth: I love it when the nana comes and suddenly dads all jewish again.
Sandy: I also told her you converted...I'm kidding...about the conversion part.
Seth: The Nana has never exactly cared for The Kirsten.
Seth: Me and Ryan don't really have a lot of time my Nana gets in town about an hour.
Summer: Your nana? that is sooo sweet! I wanna meet the nana.
Seth: Yea...you really don't tho. Believe me.
Summer: Well, I love old people. They're sooo cute.
Seth: Yea, well, the nana...not so cute.
Summer: Really she's ugly??
Seth: No, she's just scary.
Summer: Hey. I can be pretty scary too. I think I can take it.
Seth: I don't think I can. The nana is very judgemental and she's political and opinionated.
Summer: right and i'm dumb and shallow and have no opinion whatsoever.
Seth: I didn't say that.
Summer: Not out loud!
Seth: I have to go.
Summer: where are you going?
Seth: umm I have to get some stuff for the Seder.
Summer: The what-now?
Seth: The Seder...for passover. Yea, you're not meeting the nana.
Summer: I'm gonna study this thing so hard I'm gonna out-Jew you.
[Summer opens Hebrew book]
Seth: You're reading it backwards.
The Nana: Oh god. What am I doing here? I hate this state, I hate the sunshine, and I hate Schwarzenegger.
Ryan: So what do you think of Chino?
Marissa: Actually, I think I could get in more trouble where I'm from.
Ryan to Marissa: What about your dad? And Summer? What about me? What am I supposed to do without you? Yeah, I'll get over you eventually, but it might take awhile.
Summer: Being Jewish is ch-ard.
Seth: I don't know exactly who that woman was in there Ryan, but that is not the nana.
Ryan: She was nice.
Seth: She was nice Ryan. That's the problem, okay. The nana is not nice. Kinda part of her charm. I love her, but she's nuts.
Seth: She was even nice to my mom, Ryan, okay? And the nana never exactly care for the Kirsten.
Ryan: Really?
Seth: Are you kidding me? She's the green arrow to my mom's hawkman...[recieve empty stare] wolverine to her cyclops, dude. Two people who have nothing in common suddenly getting along. It's not right. It's just not natural.
Nana: Shawn and your dad use to run in a gang together, did'cha know that?
Seth: Bloods or Cribs father?
Sandy: [whisper] Who is that woman?
Seth: Not that nana.
Kirsten: C'mon you guys. Maybe she's change. Maybe she's mellowed. Maybe she's generally happy to be here. Yea, I know. Something's up.
Summer: I love a good Haggadah! {turns towards Seth] You know it's a prayer book containing the Seder ritual.
Ryan [figuring out where Marissa is]: I know where she is.
Sandy: So, how was everything at home?
Ryan: You tell me, I was in Chino.
The proposal
Marissa: Besides, I'm not the only one crying.
Seth: What? I'm not crying. It's allergies. Besides, there's a lot of pollen in here.
Sandy: I like to anticipate the worst at all times. It's a Cohen family trait.
Marissa: I don’t know. Because the guy I lost my virginity to had sex with my mom?!
Summer: How can you live like this? Your t-shirts are touching your sweaters.
Seth: Yeah so do you really think a little Feng Shui would make her forget her mom slept with her ex-boyfriend?
Summer: You cry during chick flicks, you don't want to go to the hardware store. What's next? You walk in on Ryan changing?
Seth: C’mon that's crazy. Hey, let's go to the hardware store.
Summer: You have to find the stud. Go get the stud-finder.
Seth: The stud? Oh Summer I think you've found him. You're the stud-finder!
Summer: You were in the comic book club?
Seth: Yeah. President and only member.
Seth: So she'll watch after you with her Care Bear Stare?
Ryan: How do you know about the Care Bear Stare?
Summer: Do you see this hammer in my hand?
Seth : Yeah, let me find that stud ... finder. What's it look like?
Summer: And a level.
Seth: What is a level?
Summer: Don't you know what a level is?
Seth: Yeah, it's something you advance to in a video game.
Summer: That's funny ... yeah. The tool doesn't know about tools.
Kirsten: My dad is marrying Julie Cooper. Julie Cooper ... is my step-mom.
Sandy: Maybe we'll get you another bottle.
Jimmy: Yeah, drink up.
Kirsten: This is an unholy alliance. This is two storm fronts colliding. This is the apocalypse for us all.
Seth: Hey, oh ... sorry. I'm surprised that hasn't happened before. Not saying I'm disappointed it hasn't happened before just saying the mathematical probability of ...
Ryan: Yeah, crying during chick flicks, walking in on me getting dressed ...
Seth: Yeah, what's your point? K, I'm not seeing what you're getting at? Do you work out?
Ryan: Not really.
Seth: Cool, me neither. I'm gonna go watch some hockey.
Ryan: Hockey season's over.
Seth: Damnit. Where you going?
Ryan: Gonna go find Luke. Beat the crap out of him.
Seth: Oh, where shall this can of whoop-ass be opened?
MARISSA: So what do you want for lunch? I can do mac and cheese or mac and cheese.
Seth: [surveys room] If you did put a mirror against that opposing wall, it would help the energy flow. I see where you’re going with this
Summer: Was I really mean to you?
Seth: No, Summer ... to be mean you would have had to speak to me.
Seth: I'm sorry? What? I'm allergic, okay? And there’s so much pollen in here right now, it's ridiculous. Hey, tomorrow we're watchin football, okay?
Seth: Excellent. I'm extremely stealth. 1996 All-School hide and seek champion. I do believe Joel Gordon is still looking for me, the fool.
Luke: Welcome to Portland, bitch.
The shower
Seth: When this Caleb-Julie thing is over Julie Cooper is gonna be your mother.
Seth: Yeah, yeah. Me and Marissa? We could be related. I don’t know. I can’t even do the Math. But the real kicker is … Julie Cooper: My Grandma. My Grandma wears Uggs. Think about it.
Seth: What do you guys talk about?
Summer: Me. It's our common interest.
Seth: I mean, look at her. With the vim. And the vigor. What do you think, more vim or more vigor? In your opinion?
Kirsten: That's the last time I'm hosting a party.
Sandy: Stop teasing.
Seth: But your dad’s not going to need a menu ‘cause he’ll be eating out of the palm of my hand. [Laughter] The palm of my hand, Summer!
Seth: All I'm saying is that your daughter has been blessed with an extraordinary amount of vim.
Seth: So I didn't even get a review? Not that I read my own press. Nothing about thumbs or stars or -
Summer: We should go.
Seth: No, she’s supposed to be crying and he’s supposed to be brooding. That’s how it works.
Seth: It's her Tourette's firing up again. Happens every once in awhile.
The strip
Kirsten: Not that I have any affection for The Vegas.
Sandy: I love The Vegas.
Seth: Ryan, how do you feel about The Vegas?
Ryan: I've never been to The Vegas.
Seth: Dad, we should go. You love Vegas, Ryan and I have never been. Oh, and we can use his mutant card counting abilities, pay for the whole trip.
Hailey: It's like a rule, like your parents almost have to disapprove. Otherwise the sex isn't any good. Is that an overshare?
Marissa: Yeah, he kinda is my dad.
Summer: Way to go, Whore Boy.
Seth [about Texas Hold’Em]: That's a card game, not hooker-talk.
Summer: He’s kissing another girl! Yes, right in front of me on the phone! I can’t believe this! I have been crying actual tears over that ass and he’s kissing randoms!
Caleb: This place is like a million dollar frat house!
Jimmy: [in background] I know! It's great!
Summer: Get away from him, WHORE.
Seth: Hey she's not a whore, okay. She goes to UNLV
Summer: Oh you know, sorry ... SKANK.
Theresa: No, I – I can’t impose on Seth’s parents forever.
Seth: Sure you can. I intend to.
Jimmy: Are you kidding? The man bailed us out and took Julie off my hands -- I'll buy him his first lap dance. Hell, I'll give him one myself.
Sandy: Whose card did you put this on?
Seth: Please. The old man's.
Sandy: I love you, Son.
Seth: I love you too, Dad. Only not as much as I love the Vegas.
Kirsten: Julie, I am not going to a place called ‘The Petting Zoo.’ You don’t know where the pets have been!
Seth: Dude, what do we do? I don't want to get thrown out of the hotel. I love the hotel. I want to marry the hotel and have little alcoholic, gambling-addicted kids with it. Is that wrong?
Julie: Just one one? Please? Please, just one little stripper who’d never hurt anyone. Who’s just trying to make his way into the world…Naked?
Summer: The name is ‘Cohen.’ C-O-H-E-N. I think that’s how you spell it.
The ties that bind
Seth: She's probably not even pregnant. Maybe you shoot blanks.
Ryan: I feel much better.
Seth: In fact, having you around to defend me, I’ve kinda gotten soft. Without anybody picking on me, there’s really been no need for the Seth Cohen to retaliatory zinger.
Summer: ...about my best friend.
Seth: Princess Sparkle is freaking out?
Sandy: Just because you're leaving doesn't mean I'm letting you go.
Seth: Ohh ... I've missed you. It's been too long.
Ryan: You're talking to a boat, Seth.
Seth: Yeah, I talk to a plastic horse, too, but that never worries anyone.
Seth: Hey man, they raised me, okay? Proof, pudding. Speaking of pudding, Mother, do we have any tapioca on tap?
Seth: I just love pudding. It's so fun to say. Pudding. Puuudding. Puudding. Puuuudding.
Jimmy: Your mother has to wake up every morning and be Julie Cooper. That's punishment enough.
Kirsten: Is everything ok?
Seth: Hmm? Yeah, it's fine.
Theresa: I'm pregnant.
Seth: Well, except for that.
Summer: What's going to happen to Ryan and Marissa? They're like the perfect couple.
Seth: Based on your parents' marriage, I sort of understand that perspective.
Summer: I'm holding hot coffee, Cohen.
Summer: We're not having sex again.
Seth: Ok, we've had enough pain and suffering already.
Summer: I can't believe your boat's name is Summer. What a coincidence. My name's Summer. Your boat's named Summer. It's kind of crazy.
Seth: Yeahahaha. It's just... crazy.
Summer: Well, it's the only Summer you'll be riding for a while.
Seth: Right. Yeah. No sex. I got it.
Marissa: Believe me if there was something I could do, I would.
Seth: Oh, well, I think you've done enough.
Marissa: What does that mean?
Seth: I just don't even think Ryan would be back with Theresa if it wasn't for you and Oliver in the first place. Really, all you ever did, was drag that kid into your messed up life.
Summer: We're not having sex again.
Seth: Ok, we've had enough pain and suffering already.
Marissa: I think we should spend the entire summer just being normal.
Ryan: What, even Seth?
Marissa: No, no. That'd be impossible.
Kirsten: Colored lights, no way. White lights only because colored lights remind my father of a carnival. And he hates carnivals.
Sandy: Note to self: hang with carnies.
Sandy: Now come on, get dressed. We got to witness the most unholy of all unions
Theresa: 85¢. Great. I'll put it towards the baby's college tuition.
Seth: I think this was the very stretch of beach where we got our asses kicked by the water polo team.
Seth: He's the only friend I've ever had.
Summer: No. You have me.
.......
Okay so each episode has quotes... just watch for updates this summer. you think this is huge now... you guys have seen nothing yet!! ^.^
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