It never rains, but it pours.
General disclaimer - All characters were stolen from Rumiko Takahashi. I think I also stole a few from Naoko Takeuchi, Hitoshi Okuda and Shinpei Itoh. I've only read about Skuld in Oh My Goddess, Sympathy for the Devil, but she was so cool, I just _had_ to use her. She may be a little OOC though. I've pinched the demons from the Amityville Horror story, although Jodie is the only one I actually know about (A giant demon pig. How ironic). And a lot of quotes I pinched from Friends and Red Dwarf. I will probably insert some silly and utterly useless cameo whenever things get a bit too dark, because I'm like that. I'm hoping that I don't get hunted down for using their chara's, because if they cut my hands off, I'll have to type with my toes, which will make writing the thing a whole lot damn harder. For all you lucky people who live in Japan or places with all the manga and anime, sorry but I will not be introducing Akari and Konatsu, for a few reasons - one, I've not seen much Ranma anime, so getting to know them that way is rather difficult, two, I can't read Japanese Ranma manga so getting to know them that way is rather difficult, three, they haven't been introduced in English or French manga yet which makes getting to know them ... four, I don't like them anyway, nasty people interfering in Ryoga and Ukyo's eternal happiness TOGETHER grumblegrumble and I will chew my eyelids off before I add them into any fanfic I write, which will be hard because my teeth don't reach that far up.
=================
PROLOGUE
Dreaming of a way out.
=================
Ryoga looked around. "Where on earth am I now?!!" he cried. It was very difficult to see - mainly because it was pitch black. He didn't notice the red puddle forming around him. He took a step forward ... and found himself falling.
Falling into a river.
A river of blood.
He hit the surface of the river with a splash, reverting to his female form. Gasping for breath, Ryoga-chan tried to ignore the feel of the blood on her skin and tried to swim to shore.
She never made it.
The demon hands reached out and dragged her back, pushing her head under and holding her there. She couldn't break free. She couldn't _breath_. The demons laughed and taunted.
"You killed her."
*Noo....*
"If you'd been faster, you could've saved her."
*No, please nooo ...*
"Aiko is dead and it's all your fault! You know it is!"
The demons howled.
"And now it's time to pay." The red exploded.
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
~~~~~
Ryoga sat up with a gasp. *Just a dream ... another dream...* He glanced at the little clock Ukyo had brought to the hospital for him. *Three fifteen in the morning again?* He drew his knees up underneath his chin and rocked back and forth a little. *I can't cope anymore ...*
Shadowy figures crept around the ward, reaching for the most lethal instruments they could find. Ryoga stiffened as a chill ran down his spine and he turned around.
Moonlight glinted off the blade as it swung towards his neck. "For Aiko, you bastard!"
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
~~~~~
Once again Ryoga sat up with a gasp. Only this time Ukyo was sat on the edge of the bed. He looked at her fearfully. "Am I awake this time?" Ukyo pinched him. "Ow! What was that for?!"
"Just checking. With all these nightmares you keep having, it's hard to tell one from another." She looked at the clock. "Three fifteen again. What timing." She placed an arm around him. "So was it the same as the others?"
Ryoga nodded. He tried to look calm, but seeing how he was shaking like a leaf, the act wasn't too convincing. He glanced at Ukyo, who was doing her best not to yawn. "Ucchan, go back to bed."
Ukyo laughed. "Now, we both know how this goes - you go back to sleep and I keep you company. _Then_ I go back to bed."
"But ..."
Ukyo put on her best stern look. "Do as you're told! Or else!"
Ryoga gave her a weak grin and lay down again. When the fear of the nightmares had faded a little, he closed his eyes. A few minutes later he was asleep again. Ukyo stood up with a sigh. *Poor Ryoga ... I won't leave you to fight through this alone.* She leaned over him and brushed his hair out of his eyes. *Not any more...*
=============
PART I
Hospital Trust 1
=============
Maika and Miyu flew above the city, looking for an opening in Locust-Man's defenses. "That's one ugly alien," Maika observed.
"Look who's talking!" Locust-Man snapped.
Maika glowered. "Is that any way to talk to a lady?"
Miyu tapped her on the shoulder. "Uhh ... Maika, don't look now but we've got company." She pointed to a nearby rooftop.
Maika groaned as she spotted who Miyu was referring to. On the rooftop were five girls in multicoloured sailor suits, doing silly poses. "The crops you contaminated were grown to save lives, not end them," they shouted. "For love and for justice, we are the beautiful Sailor Senshi,"
"Sailor Mercury!"
"Sailor Mars!"
"Sailor Jupiter!"
"Sailor Venus!"
"Sailor Moon!" Sailor Moon pointed at Locust-Man. "And on behalf of the moon, you're punished!"
Maika shook her head. "Why does nobody ever kill them during that speech?" she wondered aloud.
Miyu shrugged. "You know, we could leave them to deal with this and go visit Ryoga in hospital," she suggested.
"What for?"
"Because we are investigating where his strange energy patterns are coming from and where his siblings have disappeared to," Miyu reminded her, dodging a flaming ward from Sailor Mars. "Also, on Earth, it is customary to visit friends and relatives while they are in hospital to make them less lonely and to take them gifts of flowers and jigsaws. Also, we get to sign any casts he may have," she added with a grin.
"He didn't break any bones," Maika reminded her partner. "Very abnormal for an teenage boy hit by a truck doing 120mph."
"Which is why we should visit him," Miyu finished. "To find out why he's there."
They flew off, leaving the five Sailor Senshi to deal with Locust-Man. "Moon Tiara Magic!" Bunny cried, throwing her tiara at him and narrowly missing hacking off her pigtails in the meantime.
Locust-Man looked annoyed as the tiara bounced uselessly off his shell.
"Uhhh ... Bunny, I really think this one was one of the Hyperdoll's foes," Amy said, looking at her computer.
"Oh, now you tell us!!"
~~~~~
Akane and Ranma gazed in astonishment at the crowded room. "I didn't realized Ryoga was so popular with the girls," Akane said eventually, looking at Maika, Miyu, Mihoshi, Ukyo, Shampoo and a few others.
"I don't think he did, either," Ranma replied. He waded through the giggling girls to Ryoga's bedside. "So how are you then?"
Ryoga shrugged. "I feel fine, but they won't let me go. They've decided I'm suffering from depression and might be a danger to myself. Can't think why."
Ranma nodded slowly. "Somehow I can see where they're coming from."
Akane shoved past him. "Hey Ryoga, I made you some cookies," she said with a smile, handing them over.
"He's already _in_ hospital, Akane," Ranma joked, dodging the mallet.
Ryoga tried not to look ill. "Anybody want a cookie first?" he asked cheerfully.
Mihoshi bounced over. "Oooh! Look, they're cute little ..." She trailed off. "Thingys." She popped the cookie in her mouth. And chewed. And collapsed.
Ryoga handed the cookies back to Akane. "No offence, but you might want to work on them ..."
Akane pouted. "I was so sure ..."
Miyu patted her on the shoulder. "Don't feel down. I bet Maika would enjoy them."
"What?!"
"She's given up her diet, you see..."
"How dare you!"
A large nurse (fondly dubbed 'Sister Blister' for no known reason) lumbered into the room. "All right, everybody out now!"
Good natured grumbles and protests followed this request. "Just a second," Ryoga called. "Hey Ranma, has Kodachi been around lately?"
Ranma shook his head. "I haven't seen her since her little confession. It's weird. But nice."
"She probably found something fun to do rather than chasing you." Ryoga smirked. "Like swimming in shark-infested waters."
Ranma glowered. "If you weren't already in hospital, I'd ..."
Akane grabbed him by the ear. "Leave him alone, Ranma, you insensitive jerk!"
"Uncute tomboy!"
Ryoga watched them fighting, although they didn't seem to be taking it as seriously as usual. *Must be because there's no-one to interfere with their relationship. Shampoo, for some utterly unknown reason has decided she likes me better than Ranma...* He'd almost died of shock after hearing that one. *Kodachi hasn't been around for the past week...* Frankly, that just made him nervous. Then again, after being hit by a very large tanker - with no driver - and losing the person who meant the most to him in all his life - things did tend to make him slightly nervous nowadays. And nowanights. Try sleeping calmly after all that had happened to you less than a week ago. *If they didn't stick me full of sedatives, I wouldn't sleep at all!!* He laughed a little at this.
Mihoshi regained consciousness and flopped backwards onto the bed. "What's the time?" She glanced at the clock. "Oh, time to go." She sat up and grabbed Ryoga's hands. "You will come back to school soon, won't you? It's no fun otherwise."
Ukyo tensed, tightening the grip on her spatula, but Maika interrupted, not even realizing the headache she was saving Ryoga. "Mihoshi, get a grip!" She grabbed hold of the collar of Mihoshi's school uniform and yanked the blond onto her feet. "We have to go now, anyway."
"Oh, but... WAOH!!"
Ryoga shook his head as the three aliens left the room, followed by an un-protesting Akai. "I'll never understand how Mihoshi can trip over nothing at all," he said, looking dazed.
A few of the other girls said their goodbyes and left too, Shampoo giving Ryoga a quick hug, much to his immense surprise.
Ranma looked at Ryoga (who still had a shell-shocked look on his face) with a look that was partly envy and partly sympathy. Envy because of all the attention getting his by a truck generates.
And sympathy. For once, he was actually feeling sympathetic towards the lost boy. It couldn't be easy, seeing the kid you think of as your daughter getting mashed by a tanker. And Ryoga _had_ thought of Aiko as a daughter. He made that obvious a few days ago...
"Can I leave tomorrow?" Ryoga asked again.
"NO!!" Sister Blister stormed out of the room.
Ranma yawned. "Give it up, Ryoga. You've been haggling poor old Sis' Blis' for an hour now. This isn't like begging to have your friends stay a little longer." He patted Ryoga on the head, much to his anger. "That cute l'il boy act ain't gonna get you outta here."
Ryoga flopped back onto the pillows with a groan. "Argh! What is going on here!! I perfectly fine!" He chopped at the cabinet next to him, disintegrating it into tiny fragments. "I-am-perfectly-fine!!!"
Ukyo sighed. "How many times do I have to tell you?!! They want to keep an eye on you to make sure you are emotionally stable. You had a bad shock. You've been having awful nightmares and they just want to make sure you won't be a danger to yourself or to anyone else."
Ryoga looked puzzled. "Huh?"
Ranma sighed. "Ryoga, they think you might go insane."
Ryoga looked even more puzzled. "But why?"
Ranma rolled his eyes. "Because you and your damn little kitty got hit by a truck and they were dumb enough to think she was a real girl..."
The rest of the words that had fallen out of his mouth before he'd remembered to turn his brain on were cut off by the application of Ryoga's fist to Ranma's skull. Ranma flew across the room, taking out most of opposite wall. Ranma wheezed for breath - difficult. Ryoga had his one hand clamped against his throat and pounded his fist up and down on Ranma's face. "DON'T YOU _EVER_, _EVER_ AGAIN IMPLY THAT SHE WASN'T IMPORTANT!!!!!!!!!" Ryoga screamed.
Ukyo pulled him away. "Ryoga, clam down..."
Ryoga burst into tears. "S-s-she wa-was m-mine, m-my l-l-little g-girl.."
Ranma wished he could learn how to keep his mouth under control as he gasped for breath and left the room sheepishly. Looking back at them, he couldn't recall ever seeing Ryoga so upset...
Ryoga looked curiously at Ranma. "Why on earth are you staring at me, Saotome?
Ranma shook his head to clear it. "I was just remembering how you went berserk at me the other day."
Ryoga groaned. "You just had to bring that up, didn't you? We have a normal little discussion and they won't let me out now."
Ukyo shrugged. "You caved the wall in."
"But that's not unusual!" Ryoga protested. "Well, at least, not by our standards."
"Well, what's so bad about being in hospital?" Ranma asked. "You get to miss school - Happosai's started lurking around the gym armed with water pistols. And Kuno's upset that his bandannaed girl is missing."
Akane whapped Ranma lightly on the head. "Shut up you. You have _no_ bedside manner whatsoever, do you?" She dragged Ranma out of the room.
Ryoga looked at Ukyo. "You'd better be going in a minute too." Ukyo nodded. As Ryoga's fiancee, that meant she was allowed to visit him at any hour. Still ... "Ucchan, you don't have to stay here overnight."
Ukyo smiled at him. "Try saying that to me at three-fifteen tonight," she pointed out. "I'll be back later." She left the room with a wave.
Ryoga returned the wave. And waited a little while. Then up-ended a glass of cold water over his head. People were always more willing to lend a sympathetic ear to a crying girl than a crying boy, he'd discovered.
End Part I
Final song - Save Tonight
===============
PART II
Demons and Angels
===============
"You know, Miyu, this is getting rather ridiculous," Maika commented.
Miyu nodded. "At least the arrival of Compiler and Assembler means we can have a rest."
They watched the fight for a little longer. "It's a shame that the little Magical Girl Pretty Sammy is having such trouble trying to pursuade them to let her have a go," Miyu said after a small pause.
"Do you believe this is one of her missions?"
"Of course." Miyu pointed over the balcony. "You see? There's Pixie Misa."
Another strange creature loomed over buildings. "Is that one of our..."
"Men in Black, Agent's J and K." The girls turned. One of them almost smiled. "I'm Agent J. We need to use your apartment for a moment, Hyperdolls."
"What for?" Maika asked.
Agent J broke into a light sweat and crossed his legs. "Well actually, I just wanted to use the bathroom."
~~~~~
Ryoga looked at the Doctor in frustration. "WHY can't you just give me a prescription of anti-depressants or something and let me go home?" he pleaded. "It's been _days_ since I broke that wall! And it was an accident!"
The Doctor sighed. "I told you, we'd talk about it tomorrow. We're just interested in your sleep patterns."
Ryoga blinked in astonishment. "B-but I thought this was all because of my emotional state! What does me sleeping have to do with anything?!"
"You've been having bad dreams each night since we admitted you. You never had them before the accident ..."
"Sure I did," Ryoga said, slightly confused. "I had nightmares quite a lot."
The Doctor shifted. "But these nightmares follow a continuous pattern. You have recurring dreams and wake up every night at exactly the same time." He paused for emphasis. "_Exactly_ the same time." He grinned. "Frankly, that makes you a very interesting person as far as science is concerned."
"What do you mean?"
The Doctor resisted the urge to bash his head against the wall. "To make it clear, we want to study you more, while you are sleeping and try to see happens. You know, maybe record them, take neural impulse readings and such like ..."
"No." Ryoga stood up. "I don't want people poking around in my subconscious mind just to find out why I have bad dreams. I'll cope with it back at home."
The Doctor nodded his understanding. "How about we do a compromise?"
Ryoga looked at him suspiciously. "What kind of compromise?"
"We let you go home. Physically, you're perfectly fine, although only god knows how. We'll give you some anti-depressants to cope with the shock."
"And?" Ryoga prompted.
"And, if you keep having all these recurring dreams, waking up at the same time each night or if you start sleepwalking or something..."
"Sleepwalking?!!"
The Doctor nodded. "Sleepwalking. It's possible that the stress could make you sleepwalk. Which, given your sense of direction, could be a bit dangerous." He paused again. "There is a chance that you even start going through motions in your sleep too - like training, or cooking. But there's also a chance you could hurt yourself if you're left unsupervised."
Ryoga thought for a second. "I think I choose going home." He stood up and walked to the door "I'll come back if there's any problems though."
"Ryoga, your room's _that_ way."
"I knew that," he lied, turning and walking away, surprisingly enough, in the correct direction.
The Doctor groaned and took some pills out of his desk draw. "It's a pity we can't do anything about your infernal sense of direction," he muttered to himself, swallowing two of the pills. *I hate to discharge you so soon, but after you walked in on three of the nurses while they were bathing, they've threatened to quit and we can't afford to lose any more staff now.*
~~~~~
Kodachi was pissed off. She lit the candles again and started chanting. It had been over a week since she'd decided to carry out the most drastic plan ever to ensnare her beloved Ranma, and the only interesting thing that had happened so far was that Hibiki and a young girl had been hit by a tanker. That was all well and good, in Kodachi's opinion - if Hibiki was an obstacle, then it served him right. Pity the girl had to die. But surely the demons should be killing the Kuonji girl, the ramen witch and the awful Tendo girl too? After all, they were far more dangerous, in her opinion. Well, she wanted an explanation as to why she still didn't have Ranma, and she wanted an explanation now.
Satan appeared in a puff of evil-smelling smoke. "What the heck d'ya want now, Toots?" he growled.
Kodachi tried to look calm. "I asked for Ranma Darling to fall for me, and for anyone who interfered to die. Why isn't that happening?"
Satan looked surprised. "Oh, sorry." He whipped out a mobile phone and dialed a few
numbers. "Hey, what's the deal on the Kuno case? We've had complaints.
Kodachi smiled. "Why, thank you." *Ranma Darling, soon you will be mine!!!!!*
~~~~~
"Hey, Skuld!!" Urd looked around for her younger sister. "Skuld?" She sighed. *Where the heck are you, you little brat?!!*
Skuld poked her head out of her bedroom doorway. "What do you want, Urd?"
Urd put on her best sincere look. "Guess what? The Almighty has a job for you!"
The younger goddess blinked. "For me? What is it?" Then she narrowed her eyes. "This is a trick of some sort, isn't it?"
Urd looked hurt. "Of course it isn't! It's just, Belldandy is busy here with Keiichi, and I busy keeping an eye out for Mara, and you're the best girl for the job!"
*Keeping an eye out for Mara? You just don't wanna do whatever it is!* Skuld decided to play along for a little while. "So what do I have to do?"
"Well, have you ever heard of a place called Nerima?"
"No."
Urd settled down to outline the mission. "Well, a girl lives there called Kodachi Kuno. She recently summoned the Devil ..."
"What the heck did she go and do _that_ for?!!" Skuld never understood why people were willing to sell their souls to evil forces.
"Would you let me finish?!!" Urd snapped irritably. "She wanted some guy called Ranma Saotome to fall in love with her, and for anyone who interfered to be killed." She paused. "There's a guy who lives in the same area, called Ryoga Hibiki..."
"Oh, _I_ see!" Skuld jumped to her feet. "He's the one, isn't he? And you want me to train him!" She crossed her arms. "Well, I ain't gonna do it! I have bugs to zap!!"
Urd looked pleadingly at her. "But you're the best! You're the only one with the right technology! And they're Amityville demons!! And your Mister Bug Zapper works fine!"
Skuld paused. "Amityville demons? They're here?!!" Urd nodded. Skuld sighed. "All right. But only because they destroyed my Super Lesser Demon Zapper Mark 1."
Urd grinned. "Well, you're the best, sis! I've already run a bath for you to move through!"
"You've been planning this, haven't you?"
End Part II
Final song - Angels
====================
PART III
Meet the new Magical Guy!!
====================
There are three major gods who play a large part in everybody's lives. They are Destiny, Fate and Luck. It's difficult to tell sometimes who is responsible for what happens in life. For example, was Ranma and Akane's engagement Fate, Destiny or just Luck? Was it bad Luck that made Ranma mistake Ukyo for a boy? I can tell you now that most of Ryoga's misfortunes came from Luck. Luck did not like him in the slightest. Even gods can hold grudges. And Luck has a major grudge against Ryoga.
~~~~~
Ryoga relaxed in the hot tub. Baths in hospital were not nice and he'd been looking forward to a nice, hot, relaxing bath for the past few days. He let his thoughts wander. *What am I going to do with my life now I haven't got Aiko to care for?* he wondered, feeling the horrible hollow feeling of loss. *I _could_ stay here - Ukyo's willing - but that's because she feels guilty for letting Aiko run into the road. Even though it's _my_ fault she's dead.* He sighed. *I don't deserve the sympathy everyone's been giving me. I don't deserve anything. I should ... go.* He thought about this for a little longer. It made sense. Finish paying off Mr Tendo, then resume wandering. Give up on Akane, Shampoo and Uk-anyone else. He didn't deserve to be loved. Everyone he loved always left him in the end at any case. He'd just go ... was it his imagination, or was there a swirling vortex in the bathtub?
In a bright flash of light, Skuld flew out of the water and hovered above the water. "Hi there!"
Ryoga shut his eyes. *If she's still there when I open my eyes, I'm going to scream.* He opened his eyes.
Skuld turned to face him. "Oh." A deep blush flooded across her face. *Urd never told me this guy was so cute!* Ryoga screamed for a whole four seconds, before Skuld gathered her wits about her and clamped a hand over his mouth. "Jeez! Sorry!"
Ukyo burst into the bathroom. "Whatisit?!!! Wha..." She stopped in her tracks. She rubbed her eyes and wondered if somehow, she'd ended up with Mousses eyesight. Another look informed her that the scene hadn't changed and there was still a fully clothed girl in the bath, leaning over Ryoga, who was wearing slightly less. OK, so he wasn't wearing anything, which made things a bit distracting. She began to glow with anger anyway. "Ryoga, you ... you ..."
*Oh dear, Urd never told me he lived with someone else,* Skuld thought to herself.
"PERVERT!!!"
Skuld winced as a very large spatula connected with Ryoga's skull and was surprised to see him unharmed. *Then again, that shouldn't be surprising. But I guess I'd better explain myself.*
Ryoga finally managed to grab the spatula and yanked it out of Ukyo's grasp. "What was that for?!! I've never seen her before!!!"
Ukyo yanked her spatula back. "Well what the hell is she doing in the bath with you then?!!"
Skuld sighed. "My name's Skuld. I'm a goddess, second class, limited. Sorry about this."
Ryoga and Ukyo looked at her in surprise. "A goddess?" Ukyo asked. "Why are you here?"
"Um..." *Sheesh! This is getting messy!* And idea popped into Skuld's mind. "Well, remember when those copies of Ryoga here got made when he was struck by lightning?"
"How could we forget," Ryoga mumbled.
"And then he got by a truck," Skuld continued. "Which wasn't supposed to happen. So I've been sent to make sure nothing else interferes in your life that isn't supposed to." There. A cover story and an excuse to stay a while too.
"That doesn't explain what you were doing in my bath," Ryoga grumbled.
Skuld blushed. "Sorry about that. I can only travel through hot water and it happened to be the hottest water close to you."
~~~~~
Ryoga sat down on the edge of his futon and began to get dressed. He didn't notice the mug of tea he'd placed on the floor beginning to bubble until Skuld popped out of it and clamped her hand over his mouth. "Ssh... I need to talk to you alone," she whispered. "So no screaming!" Ryoga nodded silently and Skuld lifted her hand. "Good. Now listen carefully. Do you remember your parents?"
"Not really. It's been years since I saw them," Ryoga said with a sigh. He always hoped that one day, he'd meet his parents again and they could be a normal family. But that was pretty unlikely to happen.
Skuld felt a little sorry for him. "Well, your father is a god..."
"A WHAT?!!" So maybe that made being a normal family even more unlikely.
"A god. A war god. That makes you and your sister pretty special, huh."
Ryoga blinked. "Sister? What sister?"
The dark-haired goddess continued, oblivious to Ryoga's question. "But now the Amityville demons want you dead - you and your friends. So I need to help you to fight them." With a grin, she handed him a wand. "Sorry if this sounds a bit too Sailor Moon- ish, but you have to become a magical warrior to fight against them. That's all that'll save you and your friends."
"Goodnight." Ryoga rolled on to his futon and pulled the covers over his head.
"YOU ARE NOT DREAMING!!!!" Skuld hit him over the head with the wand. "The more you put this off, the more danger your friends are in!"
He sat up slowly, with a groan. "All right, all right. I'll play along." *And I thought my life couldn't get any weirder!* "What do I have to do?"
She handed him the wand. "Wave this and say..."
"I'm not saying 'Moon Prism Power Make Up', not even if you turn me female," Ryoga interrupted.
"No, all you have to say is 'Power up.' I never saw the point in long, pointless transformation passwords. Be glad you're not Magical Drama Queen Roxy," Skuld explained. "Stand up and say it."
Looking mortally embarrassed, Ryoga waved the wand over his head and said the phrase. There was a flash of light and a few moments of silence. He broke the silence. "Why am I dressed like Tuxedo Mask?"
"You look nothing like Tuxedo Mask!" Skuld protested. "Your outfit is a _totally_ different colour!"
A small problem poked it's nasty little head up. "Skuld, what about if it rains?"
Skuld was puzzled. "What do you mean?"
Best to demonstrate. "Pour some cold water on me," Ryoga explained. Skuld did so, jumping backwards in surprise as he turned from a tall, well-built guy into a petite, slim girl. Ryoga-chan laughed a little. "See what I mean? This outfit is fine when I'm a guy, but not when I'm a girl."
Skuld nodded. "I'll see what I can do." Waving her arms in the air, she muttered a small spell under her breath. Ryoga-chan's outfit immediately turned into something looking like a cross between Magical Girl Pretty Sammy and Moldiver's. "There! Now pour a little of that tea over yourself." Ryoga-chan did as she was told and the outfit turned back to the Tuxedo Mask one. "From now on, whenever you change, your clothes will change too. But only when you've powered up."
Ryoga nodded. "So when I'm a guy, I get a tux. But when I'm a girl I get a tiny skirt, high heels and a sleeveless top? Isn't that a little impractical? I can't walk in heels!"
"You're not going to walk, you're going to run." Skuld almost laughed at the expression on his face. "Don't worry, you'll be fine. I'll teach you every..." She stopped. *Those waves - they're after the Tendo girl!!*
~~~~~
Things seemed normal enough in the Tendo Dojo - Akane and Ranma-chan were fighting, Nabiki was taking photographs from her window, Soun and Genma were playing shogi and Kasumi was humming to herself while stirring some soup. "Ranma, you jerk! Stand still and let me kill you!" Akane shouted in frustration. Ranma-chan just laughed. Neither of them took much notice of the swirling darkness behind them.
The demon that emerged from the darkness watched them for a second, before lazily pointing a finger at Akane. A line of energy sliced through the ground just in front of her. "This is Reality FM, and thank you for tuning in to the same wavelength!" it said sarcastically.
Akane and Ranma-chan glared at it. "What was that for?" Akane growled. "And just what the hell are you?"
"Me? I'm just a demon." It bowed mockingly. "I'm sorry, but you have to die now. Nothing personal."
Akane jumped out of the way as another furrow blasted through the ground. "For a demon, that was one bad shot," Ranma-chan said dryly.
"Oh, I just like a bit of fun," it replied, dodging Ranma-chan and Akane's attacks easily. "But I guess it's time to get serious."
Inside, Kasumi stepped back from her soup as a guy with a tiny little girl sitting on his shoulder popped up out of it. "Oh my!"
"Sorry Kasumi!" he called, running out of the kitchen.
Mini-Skuld pointed. "That way. That's where the waves are coming from."
Ryoga nodded and burst into the garden, knocking the demon over. The energy bolt hit the ground just in front of Akane, who jumped back with a squeal.
"Just who the heck are you?!!" Ranma-chan exploded.
Ryoga blinked. "Me? I'm ... uh ... Skuld, help me here!" Mini-Skuld sighed and whispered in his ear. "I'm Magical Guy Makoto!"
End Part III
Final song - Something Happened On The Way To Heaven
==============
PART IV
Sleepless in Tokyo.
==============
"Magical Guy Makoto?!! What were you smoking when you thought up _that_ one, Skuld?!!" Ryoga muttered under his breath.
Mini-Skuld shrugged. "It was all I could think of a such short notice." She pointed to the demon, who was carefully studying them with a Look. A kind of look that implied that it was wondering whether to bother attacking them or continuing it's attack of Akane. "Take it out with an energy ball."
"How?"
"Point the wand at it. And hope genetics helps you grasp magic."
The demon decided to attack them. After all, it's orders were to kill anyone who interfered, and they'd interfered. "Prepare to..."
Ryoga pointed the wand at it. The energy ball struck it and it disappeared. "Huh. That was easy."
Mini-Skuld shrugged. "That was a boring, insignificant demon. Don't expect the rest to be so easy to take out." She posed dramatically. "Back to the soup!"
Akane and Ranma-chan gaped at them as they disappeared back into the Dojo. Upstairs, Nabiki switched off her camcorder and phoned a few contacts. *Magical Guy Makoto, hmm? Interesting.*
"Hey, Akane?" Ranma-chan said finally.
"Yes Ranma?"
"Did you see some guy in a tux just blast away a demon thing?"
"No."
"Good. Neither did I."
~~~~~
"Power down."
Mini-Skuld watched Ryoga lose the disguise. "Well, that went well for a trial run," she said cheerfully.
Ryoga looked at her. "What was it you were saying about more demons?"
"What, you think that's the best they could come up with? That demon probably wouldn't be a match for Magical Girl Pretty Sammy!" She grinned at him. "You did good back then. Some people find it harder to grasp magic powers than others. Even with magic in their blood."
"All I did was imagine what I wanted the attack to do," Ryoga said in response.
Mini-Skuld nodded. "That's how it's done. Easy in theory, not always so easy in practice. Good thing you've got it though." She stood up and stretched. "Come on, lets go downstairs. I wanna get back to the rest of me."
~~~~~
Later that night, Skuld tapped a few numbers on her calculator, mumbling measurements under her breath. She was presently working on a way for Ryoga to detect the arrival of demons himself, without her around. "3 times by 5.78 divide by cos 92 equals ... 666." She frowned at the output. "No it doesn't!" She tried again. "66.6? That can't be..." It finally clicked.
666. The sign of the devil.
Footsteps above her made her drop the calculator. *They can't have realized Magical Guy Makoto is really Ryoga yet, can they?!!* She looked at the clock. *Ten past three. Couldn't they've waited till morning?* she wondered, making her way up the stairs.
Ukyo turned to face her. "Skuld! I'm sorry, did I wake you?"
"Nah, I was already awake." Skuld looked at the chef. "But what are you doing up so late?"
Ukyo looked at the floor silently. Finally, she decided she could trust the goddess. "You know Ryoga and Aiko were hit by a truck?"
"Of course. Aiko died, didn't she?" *Damn those Amityville bastards! That kid was innocent!* Skuld knew it was because Ryoga was the biggest threat to their plans - his father was a very powerful god ...
"Yes. But since then, he's had nightmares every single night. And each time, he wakes up at exactly three fifteen. Spooky, but true." Ukyo sighed. "I figured if I get up at ten past, I'll be there when he wakes up."
Skuld nodded slowly. *So _that's_ where these faint waves are from... demons playing in his sleep.* The revenge of the Amityville demons. If he was going to screw up their plans, they were going to screw up his mind. She was going to have to find a way to stop that. "Well, I hope he's OK. Do you want me to come along too?"
"No, that's OK. You should get some sleep," Ukyo quickly insisted.
Skuld nodded, smiling a little. *Urd would just love to poke her nose into all this! Still...* She decided to take Ukyo's advice and go to bed.
Ukyo waited for a moment, before continuing to Ryoga's room. Settling down on the edge of the futon, she watched him in the dim moonlight. He looked so peaceful ... *Pity he's gonna wake up in about three minutes.*
~~~~~
Ryoga walked forward, looking cautiously from side to side. *I _know_ they're out there ...* he thought to himself, trying to see through the dense blackness. The air felt thick, like it hadn't been breathed for a while, and there was a faint smell, like flowers. He pricked his ears up at the sound of a pipe organ. *What is a pipe organ doing here?!! Where am I anyway?*
A faint glow flickered in the corner of his vision. A candle. The glow grew brighter as more candles ignited, forming a trail. He followed it curiously, half noticing that the smell of flowers was getting stronger and the music from the pipe organ was getting louder. He stumbled into a clearing, lined with flowers and candles. To one side, a figure was playing a wedding march and a girl in a wedding dress had her back to him.
"A-Akane?" he whispered, walking forward.
She turned around. "Ryoga, you jackass! You promised you'd try not to get lost this time," she cried, smacking him over the head with her spatula.
"Ouch!" Ryoga looked at her in surprise. "Ucchan! What did you do that for? Where am I?"
Ukyo giggled. "It's a wedding, silly. Took you long enough to get here."
"And I'm the best man, right?"
*CLANG*
"Ouch!!!"
"You're the groom!!"
Ryoga blinked a few times and rewound the words through his head. "G-groom? W-who's the bride?"
"Me, idiot!!! Oh, for goodness sake!" She grabbed the stunned boy by the arm and dragged him over to the alter. "Hey, Mousse, get on with it!"
Mousse, who was now a priest, grinned happily. "Glad to see you finally came to your senses and gave up on Shampoo, Ryoga. Now, Ukyo, do you take Ryoga to be your lawfully wedded husband?"
"Sure do."
Mousse turned to Ryoga. "Do you take Ukyo to be your lawfully wedded wife?"
Ryoga looked dazed. "Me? Well ... um... I..."
Ukyo hefted her spatula. "Saying something, Darling?"
"Yes, I do!!" *After all, it's only a dream...*
Mousse grinned. "And it's about time too! I pronounce ... oh, wait. Does anyone know of any reason why these two should not be wed?"
Ukyo groaned. "Mousse, we're the only people here, except for Ranchan and Akane, and they're not gonna say..."
"I know."
Ryoga and Ukyo spun around at the voice. "Who's there?!!" Ukyo cried, on guard.
A small figure stepped out of the shadows and Ryoga's heart almost stopped. It was Aiko. "I know why they can not be happily married," the little girl said solemnly. She pointed at Ryoga. "Because he killed me! He can never be happy now!!"
The flames of the candles increased in intensity as Ryoga fell to his knees. "No... Aiko, I tried..."
"It's your fault I'm dead! You could have saved me and You Know It." she snarled, walking forward. He didn't notice everyone else dissipate into mist. "I'll never let you be happy. Not now, not ever."
"Please, Aiko..."
The flames drew closer around him. "Not even in the eternal sleep of death." The flames engulfed him and Aiko smiled. "As you will soon find out."
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
~~~~~
Ukyo watched as the young martial artist screamed and sat up. "Hush Ryoga. It was only a dream," she murmured, placing her arms around him comfortingly.
Ryoga jerked away from her and stood up. "Don't." He walked over to the door.
Ukyo was puzzled. "Ryoga, what's the matter?" She stood up to follow him. "Tell me what's wrong."
"Stop feeling SORRY for me!!" he shouted at her, before running out of the room and making his way up onto the roof. *Why are you doing this? I don't _want_ your sympathy, Ucchan! I don't deserve it!* He shivered a little - it was a cold night and he was only wearing his boxers. He didn't care though. He didn't deserve to sleep in a nice warm bed when he'd killed Aiko. He didn't deserve to stay here, in the restaurant, when he was guilty for her death. *I could have saved her. If I'd just been a little faster, she'd be alive now...* Sobs wracked through his body as he remembered the little girl.
"Hey."
Ryoga glanced up at the okonomiyaki chef and tried to stop the tears. The last thing he wanted was for her to feel sorry for him. "I thought I told you to leave me alone," he mumbled.
Ukyo sat down next to him. "Hey, I was worried about you, jerk! And cover yourself up a little, you'll freeze." She ignored the part of her mind that reminded her that she only wanted him to cover himself up a little so she wouldn't be able to ogle him any more, because it seemed kinda unfaithful to Ranma. *Then again, I'm not engaged to Ranchan, I'm engaged to Ryoga. But I'm only engaged to Ryoga because I feel guilty for getting Aiko killed and it meant I could visit him all the time. Sooo ... I should dump Ryoga. Before he gets the wrong idea and thinks I actually like him or anything... but not yet though. Later, when he's better...*
"I don't care. Just go away," Ryoga muttered.
Ukyo fixed him with an angry glare. "I got up at three fifteen in the morning to keep you company, jackass!"
"What for? I don't need you. I'm only here so I can earn enough money to pay back Mr Tendo. Not for the good of my health, you got that?"
Ukyo looked at him with even more concern, her little spurt of anger forgotten. "Ryoga, please tell me what's wrong, I can help you..."
"Fffft. I don't _want_ your help," he growled. "I never wanted your help. If I wanted help, I'd have asked for it!!" He jumped to his feet. "I'm going back to bed."
Ukyo watched him walk away, worry apparent on her face. *Ryoga? What happened to you...?*
~~~~~
"Anything interesting in the news?"
Ukyo looked at Ryoga in surprise as he walked into the main part of the restaurant the next morning. He appeared to have forgotten the events of the night before, and was acting normally. Which was strange.
"Ukyo? Are you awake?" Ryoga waved a hand in front of her eyes.
Ukyo shook her head. "Yeah, sorry." She flicked through the paper. "Just normal stuff, mass property damage from the Hyperdolls, the Sailor Senshi took out more of the dark kingdom and most of Tokyo Tower, Magical Girl Pretty Sammy blew up Riaoh Academy _again_, Mishuma Heavy Industries created some more robots and are suing Compiler and Assembler for destroying them...." She groaned. "Ugh. Japan has far too many super-heroes. Look, here's a new one."
"What, SuperTed?" Ryoga picked up his cup of tea and raised it to his lips.
"No, some guy called Magical Guy Makoto ... Ryoga, are you all right?" she asked, seeing him choke on his tea.
Ryoga coughed in embarrassment. "Sorry, drank it too fast. So, Magical Guy Makoto, eh?" he asked, trying to sound nonchalant.
Ukyo, luckily, didn't pick up on his mood. "Yeah... Oh, I can't believe these guys were dumb enough to swallow a story from Nabiki!"
"Nabiki?" *I hate her, I hate her, I hate her!!!!!*
Nod. "Apparently a weird creature attacked Akane yesterday and this Makoto guy rescued her and Nabiki got it on film." She folded up the paper. "I mean, how dumb is that? Ranchan would've told me if something like that had happened."
"So you don't think this Magical Guy is real then?" he asked quickly.
Ukyo shook her head. "Nah. I bet it's one of Nabiki's get rich quick deals."
Ryoga sighed in relief. *Thank goodness for that!*
Pausing to write a quick note for Skuld when she woke up, Ukyo headed towards the door. "You don't have to come back to school yet, you know."
Ryoga shrugged. "I've missed too much school already. Lets go."
End Part IV
Final song - It's A Kind Of Magic
=============
PART V
Death by cookie.
=============
School was boring. Well, boring by Nerima's standards, any normal person attending school there was probably on medication. (Praise the Lord for our school system, where the most interesting thing to happen is the school psycho - usually my sister - beats up the teacher and sets fire to the place.)
Ryoga noted the few changes in the past week. They had a new science teacher (who was the only person over the age of eleven to be shorter than him in his female form) and a new science lab with Bunsen burners that really worked. *Good! That means the water'll actually heat up.* The gym was trashed - courtesy of a meeting with Ranma, Happosai and Kuno - and there were a couple of new students.
"Ryoko, you schemer! How dare you say such a thing!!!!" screamed a girl with purple hair in pigtails.
"Calm down Ayeka! My, my, aren't we tetchy today," Ryoko said with a smirk. "Is it that time of the month?"
Ayeka fumed and raced towards her. Ryoko got a spell ready. Tenchi ran forward. "Please, not here, Ryoko!"
Mihoshi appeared at Ryoga's side. "Hi, didn't think you'd be back today," she said cheerfully. "Come and meet my friends." She dragged him over to the general melee, just avoiding being blasted by Ryoko's shot. "Ryoko, Ayeka, Tenchi, I'd like you to meet Ryoga. Ryoga, this is Tenchi, Ryoko and Ayeka."
Tenchi cautiously emerged from his desk shield. "Nice to meet you," he said, holding out a hand.
Ryoko pushed past him. "So you're the guy Mihoshi's been prattling on about. My name's Ryoko and I'm Tenchi's fian..."
*WHAM*
Ayeka placed the desk back on the floor. "Honestly, Ryoko, have you no shame?!! Lord Tenchi is _mine_." She smiled pleasantly at Ryoga. "Good day. My name is Ayeka. I really must apologize for Ryoko, she has absolutely no manners what so ever..." She bowed down a little.
Ryoko immediately flung her arms around Tenchi's neck. "Why Ayeka. I hope you and Ryoga will be happy together!"
*CLANG*
"FLIRT!!"
"OW!" Ryoga glared at Ukyo. "She was just being polite!"
Ayeka nodded, then turned back to Ryoko. "Yes, SO GET YOUR HANDS OFF TENCHI, YOU SHAMELESS HUSSY!!!!"
Tenchi sat down at his desk and buried his head in his hands. "Why? What did I do to deserve all this?" he wailed.
Ryoga glanced at Ukyo and shrugged. The new arrivals were sure to fit in very nicely at Furinkan.
~~~~~
Washu glanced at the students in front of her, all working quietly. She was the only person Mihoshi had told about her mission, and she was keeping a very close eye on Ryoga. When Tenchi had been expelled from school (for blowing up the science lab - nobody needed to know it was really Ayeka and Ryoko who'd done so) she'd decided the three of them should join Furinkan, and she could teach there to keep an eye on them. (Well, her daughter - and Ryoga - to be specific.)
So far she was getting the same strange readings as the Hyperdolls had, and no clues as to why. It was _most_ frustrating! Here she was, the greatest genius in the universe and she couldn't even tell why a human was emitting energy waves strong enough to blow up the universe.
Ryoga yawned and looked out of the window. Science made no sense to him - it refused to acknowledge the existence of magic, which he knew all to well to exist. Plus, it was almost as confusing as Geography. *Maybe I should've stayed home today... but Skuld said I should try and stick around Akane, Ukyo and Ranma.* He glanced the board and attempted to pay attention. *What the hell do I need to stick around Ranma for though? Surely he can take care of himself? * At least at home, he could watch TV...
"Hibiki? Are you paying attention?"
Ryoga jumped. "Ah... of course, Sensei," he lied.
"Call me Little Washu!" Washu looked pained. "So what's the answer, A or B?"
"A," Ranma whispered behind him.
"A," Ryoga repeated.
Washu laughed and shook her head. "There wasn't any question. Now get on with the work."
Ryoga flushed in embarrassment and ducked his head. "Sorry, Sensei."
"THAT'S LITTLE WASHU!!!"
Ranma sniggered behind him and poked him with his ruler. "Idiot."
Ryoga turned around and glared at him. "I'll get you for that."
"Sure you will, Ryoga-chan," Ranma said with a grin, squirting a pipette of cold water at him.
Akane smacked him over the head. "Stop picking on poor Ryoga!"
Ryoga-chan yanked the umbrella from the top of her pack and advanced on Ranma angrily. "I'll KILL you!!!"
*CLANG*
"Stop picking on Ranchan!!"
"I didn't touch him!!"
Washu shook her head. "Class, back to work. Hibiki, there is a kettle on my desk, you can use that to turn yourself back with."
Ryoga-chan nodded gratefully. "Uh... where's your desk, Sensei?"
"THAT'S LITTLE WASHUUUUUUU!!!! LITTLE WASHU, DAMMIT!!!"
~~~~~
Skuld yawned and dragged herself down the stairs. "Wow... what a night. Back to my mechanics then." This time, she was thankful to see her calculations turn out correctly, and soon her latest invention was complete. "My Super Demon Detector! My sweet l'il invention, what a superbly compact and well designed body you have!" she murmured. "Now to give it to Ryoga."
~~~~~
Ryoga picked up his cup of tea. "I can't believe you blew up your science lab!"
Tenchi shrugged. "Neither can I. But here I am, in a school that seems even crazier than my old one." He watched Ranma and Kuno fighting. "Is everyone here a martial artist then?" he enquired, watching Ranma casually dodge Kuno's blows and walk over to them.
Ryoga shook his head. "No, just a few. Are you?"
"I sword fight, but that's about it."
Ryoga glared at Ranma as he sat down next to them. "Don't you dare even think about splashing me with cold water again, you pervert."
"I'm very sorry, I must have slipped," Ranma lied sweetly. "We're still friends, aren't we?"
"We are _NOT_ friends."
"Oh Tenchi, I made you some cookies!!!" simultaneous calls came from Ayeka and Ryoko.
Tenchi went white. "Oh no!"
Ranma looked at him. "Hey, their cooking can't be worse than Akane's."
"Wanna bet?" Tenchi and Ranma looked at each other.
"Ranma, I made you some cookies and you are going to eat them, you ingrate!!" Akane stomped over to him and pushed the plate under his nose. Ryoko and Ayeka did likewise next to her.
Ryoga took a sip of his tea and watched with mild interest as Tenchi and Ranma carefully swapped cookies without the girls seeing, and took bites. Ranma instantly doubled over and Tenchi collapsed. "Yu..you win..." Tenchi gasped eventually.
Ranma shook his head. "I..I think y-you win..." They both passed out.
Ryoko, Ayeka and Akane all squealed with horror and began to drag their significant others to the nurses office. Ryoga sighed. "Morons." He lifted his cup again.
There was a flash of light and Skuld appeared above his cup. She looked down. "Sorry. Were you drinking that?"
"I was." He set the drink down next to him. "So what d'ya want?"
Skuld handed him a small device. "This will detect any demons within a five mile radius, so you can find them without my help."
"Find them?" Ryoga laughed sarcastically. "With _my_ sense of direction?"
Skuld shrugged. "Didn't you notice yesterday? When you're powered up, I made it so you can find your way around. After all, it'd be too easy to link you to Makoto if both of you got lost all the time."
Ryoga thought back. "Oh yeah! Can't you do that for me normally?"
Skuld shook her head. "Too suspicious. But just to make sure you're OK, I'll try to keep one of me near you just in case demons turn up. Speaking of which..." She took the Super Demon Detector from him. "Well, lets turn it ON!!!" With a flourish, she pressed the on switch.
Ryoga looked at it. "What do those little lights mean?"
She pointed to a blue dot. "That is you. The yellow dot is me, and that red dot's a demon..."
"Demon?"
"Demon." She paused. "DEMON?!!" She split into two parts and the smaller one jumped onto his shoulder. "Let's go!"
~~~~~
Ranma groaned and looked at the ceiling. "When we get married, I'm never letting you cook..."
Akane jerked her head up. "What?"
*Oops. Did I say that out loud?* He grinned weakly at her. "It's not that your cooking's bad..."
"When we get married?" Akane looked closely at him.
Ranma gulped. "When? I meant IF. Of course. If. I didn't say that, really..."
Akane sighed. "Never mind then." *And I thought you were warming to the idea of marrying me...* She glanced over to the other bed, where Ayeka and Ryoko were fussing over a mortally embarrassed Tenchi. *Now where have I seen that sort of scene before...?*
Ukyo burst through the doors and ran over to Ranma. "Ranchan! Are you OK?"
Akane looked at her. "Aren't you with Ryoga?"
Ukyo looked puzzled. "I thought he'd be here with you lot."
Ryoko glanced over at them. "Ryoga? Maybe Mihoshi knows where he is."
Ukyo opened her mouth to reply that if Ryoga _was_ with Mihoshi, she was going to beat him to death with her spatula. Her comment was cut short by the spectacular arrival of a demon. The doors blew open. The room went cold. Ukyo could've sworn the light dimmed.
Ryoko jumped to her feet. "I don't what you are, but I'm not going to let you hurt my Tenchi!!" She changed into full battle armour and flew towards it.
Pointing a hand at her, it blasted her backwards across the room. She struck the back wall.
"Ryoko!" Tenchi sat up.
Ryoko climbed to her feet with some difficulty. "T-Tenchi..."
The demon struck a pose. "Silence, creature! My name is Morganan. I am one of the demons of Amityville and business is not with you, but with Akane Tendo and Ukyo Kuonji."
"What do you want with them?" Ranma asked carefully. He tried to move, but Ryoko's cookies had paralysed him.
"Why, I want to kill them." Morganan laughed. He raised a hand, swirling eddies of light and darkness into a vortex that promised pain and suffering for anything that touched it. You could almost hear the screams of those trapped in the darkness, tortured souls that hadn't managed to escape before Amityville had dragged them into eternal oblivion. Akane and Ukyo gulped nervously. He released it. It flew towards Akane and Ukyo, who screamed in terror.
And never reached them.
Morganan blinked in surprise as the attack cut out of existence half way across the room. "Wha...?"
"I'm afraid I can't let you do that," came the voice behind him.
"It can't be..." gasped Akane. Ukyo and Ranma just stood (or sat as the case may be) in shocked silence.
Morganan turned to see a figure in a tuxedo standing behind him. He growled in annoyance. "Who are you?"
"My name is Magical Guy Makoto." Ryoga watched the demon in front of him. *I swear Skuld, I could just kill you.* he thought, hearing the small snigger from Mini-Skuld.
Morganan glared at him. "Well, Magical Guy, I haven't got time to play with you. So just go away and I won't kill you too."
Ryoga pointed the wand at him. "Play? I'm not here to play, I'm here to fight."
"You asked for it!"
Ryoko grabbed Ayeka and Tenchi and teleported out of the room. Akane and Ukyo grabbed Ranma and jumped out of the window, the doorway cut off by Morganan and Ryoga. The room exploded in a flash of light and darkness as Morganan and Ryoga simultaneously launched attacks at each other and raising the cost of insurance even more in Nerima. (Furinkan high school was insured against acts of God, and the Principle was now fervently hoping this also meant acts of the Devil too.) Quite a lot of the nurses station suddenly found itself outside the school instead of inside and fell to the ground. The students of Furinkan, eager to be released from the dreary monotony of lessons, ran over to the crash site. Morganan emerged from the rubble. "Victory is mine!!!" he roared. "Akane Tendo, Ukyo Kuonji, surrender to me!!"
"Not so fast."
Nabiki quickly grabbed her camera and began snapping photographs. "Wow! This is great! An attack on our school of all places!"
"Nabiki!" Akane scolded. She turned to watch the fight again. "I wonder who he is?"
Nabiki grinned. "I'll try to find out. Let's corner him when he wins and take his mask off."
Mihoshi ran over towards them. "Does anyone know where Ryoga is? I wanted to give him some cookies."
Ukyo glanced at her. "How can you be thinking about Ryoga when Magical Guy Makoto is beating up a demon in the school grounds?" she asked curiously. "He's probably gotten lost, same as usual." She resisted the sudden urge to bash Mihoshi over the head with the cookies for reminding her that she did in fact have a conscience. She was suddenly very worried about the fact that she didn't know where Ryoga was. *I should have made him stay at home. Then he couldn't worry me by being missing until later.*
Ryoga, meanwhile was getting increasingly annoyed. Morganan was a much better fighter than the demon he'd fought the day before. "Skuld, help me here!* he whispered, dodging another blast.
"Next time you attack, yell 'Hyper Star Boost'," Mini-Skuld said. "That should do the trick."
Ryoga nodded and ran forward. "Lightning Strike Hyper Star Boost!!" he cried, pointing the wand at Morganan. The attack split into a five-pointed star and struck Morganan, who, with a howl of rage, exploded, knocking everyone backwards. When the dust cleared, Magical Guy Makoto had disappeared.
End Part V
Final song - Thunderstruck
=======================
PART VI
Too many Defenders of Justice
spoil the Okonomiyaki.
=======================
Ukyo looked around with the rest of the Furinkan students. "Where did he go?"
Mihoshi shrugged. "Maybe he teleported away to avoid the publicity," she said simply. "Wouldn't you?"
Ukyo nodded slightly. "Hmm."
The Principal appeared in front of the crowd. "Ahl righ' kids, its backta lessons now! You got fiv' minutes, den it's buzz cuts an' bawl cuts!"
Groaning and muttering among themselves, the students made their way back to their respective classes. Ukyo thought to herself as she walked. *Magical Guy Makoto... he seemed familiar somehow. And why did that Morganan person want me and Akane dead?*
"Hello Ucchan."
She whipped around and brought the spatula crashing down onto Ryoga's head. "You JERK!"
"Ow!!" Ryoga looked at her in surprise. "What was that for?"
"For making me worry!" she fumed.
"I didn't even know you cared."
*CLANG*
"Hey!" He glared at her. "And what was _that_ for?"
"For being a jerk."
"A jerk? I didn't do anything!" he protested.
Ukyo growled and grabbed him by the arm. "Never mind. Let's go."
"Go where?" Ryoga asked, confused.
Ukyo resisted the urge to hit him with her spatula again. "Back to lessons, you jackass. School isn't over, you know."
~~~~~
Ryoga-chan yawned for the fifth time in the past minute. Skuld glanced at her in mild concern. "Why don't you go to sleep for a while?"
"I'm working," she responded, trying to locate whoever it was she was supposed to be delivering the particular order to.
"So ask Ukyo for a little time off. I hear you haven't had much sleep lately." She picked up her calculator and tapped out a few equations. "Nightmares."
Ryoga-chan yawned again. "That's _why_ I'm in no hurry to go to sleep."
Skuld pushed her glasses onto her forehead. "I think I know why you're having nightmares - and I can try to stop them if you like."
The expression on Ryoga-chan's face was rather like that of a recovering alcoholic who's just been told they _can_ drink after all. "What?!! Really?!! Would you do that?!"
Skuld shrugged. "Of course. Magical Guy Makoto can't fight demons on three hours sleep a night."
"Hmph. So why the nightmares?"
Skuld grinned. "Deliver that and I'll explain." After a few minutes she reappeared. "These Amityville demons have been playing games in your sleep, which is why you've been having bad dreams."
"Sure, we have plenty of those," Ryoga-chan said loudly, glancing at Ukyo. She lowered his voice. "So what can you do about it then?"
"Being demons, they probably very much dislike good luck charms. Place a few lucky charms around your room before you go to sleep. And if that doesn't work, I'll perform an exorcism or something. You'd better get back to work now, Ukyo's getting suspicious." Skuld waved her away and continued her calculations.
It was a relatively quiet evening at Ucchan's - guys were eyeing up Ryoga-chan, their girlfriends were tipping their soda's over their heads (Ukyo didn't care - the soda's were always paid for), Ranma and Akane were quietly arguing, Maika and Miyu were scaring poor Akai and Mihoshi flitted from their table to the table where Ayeka, Ryoko, Sasami, Washu and Tenchi were seated, after hearing glowing recommendations about the place. Even the arrival of Shampoo was non-eventful - she didn't attack Mihoshi, Mihoshi didn't attack her, Mousse hadn't followed her and no property damage was incurred. It was all very peaceful
"Mihoshi, tell us about Magical Guy Makoto," Miyu began.
Maika nodded. "Another defender against evil. What is he like?"
Mihoshi giggled. "Didn't you see the news? He's very dashing."
"Dashing?"
Mihoshi nodded. "Dashing, like a old English Earth Lord. And very handsome."
Miyu thought for a second. "Like Tuxedo Mask?"
"Oh, nothing like Tuxedo Mask!" Mihoshi cried. "He knows real magic! And," she leaned forward. "His outfit is a totally different colour."
Ryoko decided to join in the conversation. "Magical Guy Makoto must be really strong to be able to defeat that Morganan guy." She sighed. "Pity. I wanted to teach him a lesson."
Washu tapped her 'daughter' on the shoulder. "Ryoko, you shouldn't try to fight when you know you can't win." She looked thoughtful. "I wonder who he is? He looked a little familiar..."
Sasami laughed nervously. "Y-you guys..."
*BOOM*
"TENDO, KUONJI, PREPARE TO MEET YOUR DOOM!!!!" roared a voice. "MY NAME IS OMEGA AND YOUR TIME HAS COME!!!"
"Not again..." Ukyo groaned.
Skuld jumped to her feet and grabbed Ryoga-chan by the arm. "It's another one! Change quick!"
Customers left rapidly via the windows, except for a minor few. Ryoga-chan turned to run.
"Eek! Ryoga, I'm scared!" Mihoshi wailed, grabbing her by the waist. "Save me!"
Ryoga-chan squirmed desperately. "Mihoshi, let me go!!" she growled, seeing the demon prepare to attack. Skuld groaned in mortification.
"I, Magical Girl Pretty Sammy cannot let you do this!" shouted a voice. Magical Girl Pretty Sammy appeared in the doorway.
Mihoshi let go of Ryoga-chan is surprise, who took the opportunity to run. Meanwhile, Omega started to laugh. "So, Pretty Sammy, what are you going to do?"
Pretty Sammy waved her wand. "The Demon Blast!!!"
There was a short silence as the attack hit Omega, then fizzled out of existence. Pretty Sammy blinked. "Uh... you're not one my fights, are you?" she asked weakly.
"No, one of mine." Ryoga-chan stepped forward. "Thanks for the help, Pretty Sammy, but I'll take over now."
Magical Girl Pretty Sammy blinked. "W-who are you?"
Ryoga-chan struck a pose. "I'm Magical Guy Makoto's sister, Magical Girl Ryoko!"
Omega studied Ryoga-chan carefully. "His sister? Then you must die too!!!"
He threw an energy bolt at Ryoga-chan, who dodged easily and jumped over the counter to grab a kettle. "I don't want to fight as a girl," she muttered to herself, stumbling in the high heels. *Good thing Ukyo ran too!*
The moment this thought crossed his mind was also the point that Ukyo realized she had no idea where Ryoga was. She turned to Ayeka. "Ayeka, do you know where Ryoga is?"
Ayeka looked at her blankly. "I thought he was with you."
Ukyo groaned. "I'd better go back for him."
Ayeka looked worried. "Are you sure? With that creature there?" She grabbed Ukyo by the am. "Surely he would've found his way out."
"Are you kidding? That idiot couldn't find his way out of a paper bag." Ukyo marched back in the direction of her restaurant. "Besides, I'm not letting that thing trash my place any longer." She threw the door open. "All right, Omega, I've had..." She blinked. "Magical Guy Makoto?"
Ryoga and Omega spun to face her. "Ucc-Ukyo?" Ryoga stuttered. "What are you doing here?"
Mini-Skuld groaned and quickly concealed herself. The fact that she was muttering "Oh shit shit shit!" did nothing to make Ryoga feel better.
Omega grinned an evil grin, the kind of grin that is usually worn by corny evil bad guys in action comics and royal viziers. (Probably in the job description. Do you have an evil grin and a mental problem? Yes? Then you can be my most trusted advisor.) It's usually directly before the mad laughter (think Jinnai) and the speech where the bad guy outlines all his plans then gets a bit snotty when our heroes use the time to get rescued instead of listening in awe. Sorry, have I gone off the subject again? Omega grinned an evil grin and laughed. "Why, my dear miss Kuonji! Prepare to meet your doom!"
Ryoga grabbed Ukyo, pulling her out of the blast, and retaliated with his own attack. "Wait! What's all this about?!"
Omega laughed. "This isn't Last Action Hero, you know!" He paused. "Although, if you insist, I have to kill Miss Kuonji here and Miss Tendo because they love Ranma Saotome." He raised his hands. "Now get lost Makoto and let me finish the bitch!"
*Not Last Action Hero, yet you still explain why,* Ryoga thought to himself, dodging another attack and desperately shielding Ukyo too. *If it were, this would be the point where back up arrives...*
"VENUS LOVE-ME CHAIN!!!"
Omega grabbed the chain from Sailor Venus and yanked it out of her grip. "You dumb blonde!"
"WHAT DID YOU CALL ME?!!!!" she roared, running forward.
"Get rid of Ukyo," the concealed Mini-Skuld whispered in Ryoga's ear. With a nod, he flung the kicking brunette over his shoulder and carried her out of the restaurant.
"Put me down! I have to find Ryoga!" Ukyo yelled, trying to squirm free. *This guy is _strong_!*
"Ryoga?!!" Ryoga placed Ukyo on the floor and looked at her. "Are you worried about him then?" Ukyo nodded silently. Ryoga digested this piece of information thoughtfully. *She's worried about me? Me?* He grinned nervously at Ukyo. "Well, I-I'm sure he's OK. But stay here where it's safe." He ran back to Ucchan's, where Sailor Venus was remarkably shocked to discover that her Venus Love and Beauty Shock wasn't working against Omega.
"Uh ... Bunny?" Sailor Mercury cautioned.
Sailor Moon pulled off her Tiara. "MOON TIARA MAGIC!!!"
"This isn't one of ours either."
The tiara flew forward, slicing off half of Sailor Moon's pigtail and bounced off Omega. "Mu-my HAIR!!!!!" she wailed, bursting into floods of tears.
Ryoga gulped nervously. "What chance do _I_ have against a creature that the Sailor Senshi can't hurt?!" he whispered to Mini-Skuld.
Mini-Skuld patted his shoulder. "Don't worry. Your attacks are stronger than theirs and you've got a goddess helping you."
Ryoga nodded grimly and pushed past Sailor Venus, who was trying to calm down Sailor Moon. Sailor Mars looked like she was getting the beginnings of a migraine. "LIGHTNING STRIKE HYPER STAR BOOST!!!!"
With a howl that clearly stated his displeasure on being wiped out of existence, Omega was ... uh... wiped out of existence. When the general public realized the threat of painful things happening was over, they began to reappear (just to say that they'd been there, like people always do). Japan's little congregation of superheroes immediately fled, although Ryoga would dearly have loved to pull Sailor V's goggles off and see if he could recognize her and had to be forcibly yelled at by the still-concealed Mini-Skuld. Hiding sown a back alley, he gave a small sigh and lifted the wand. "P.."
"Ahahah! Wait!" Mini-Skuld squawked.
"What?"
"You were wearing girl clothes when you powered up, that's what you'll be wearing when you power down. And trust me," Mini-Skuld narrowed her eyes a little. "Magical Girl Ryoko is a _totally_ different size."
~~~~~
End Part VI
Final song - Holding Out For A Hero
==================
PART VII
While you were sleeping.
==================
"Lucky rabbits foot, lucky horseshoe, lucky four leafed clover, lucky dwarf statue, lucky arrow... Skuld, are you _sure_ this will work?" Ryoga asked doubtfully.
Skuld laughed. "Of course! They work on Mara, they should work on Amityville demons." She patted him on the shoulder. "Don't worry. Just get a good nights sleep."
Ryoga nodded. "Well, if I wake up screaming in the night, I'm going to make sure I wake up you too," he joked. Skuld pretended not to notice the slight apprehensive edge to his voice.
"Now, go to sleep and stop worrying, OK?"
"OK." Ryoga yawned and pulled the blanket over himself. "G'night."
Ukyo glanced up at Skuld as she walked into the sitting room. "Is he all right?"
Skuld nodded. "He'll be fine. Don't worry about him so much."
"Me? Oh, I'm not worried at all," Ukyo replied quickly. Too quickly.
Skuld sighed. *Urd, your mad matchmaking skills would have a field day here...*
~~~~~
Up in heaven, Luck scowled. "How dare he use _MY_ charms to keep away demons?!!" Turning, he picked up a small book and flicked through it. "Surely there's a country where those are for bad luck..."
Fate reached over and plucked the book from his grasp. "Stop fiddling with his life."
Destiny nodded. "He's never done anything to you, has he?"
"No, but his father really irks me." Luck sighed. Then grinned. "What a pity good luck charms really irritate some demons, eh?"
"You're not a very nice person sometimes, are you?" Destiny sighed and walked away. "Give the guy a break!"
~~~~~
Ukyo wasn't sure what woke her up. Maybe it was the sound of quiet footsteps, or the click of a door closing. Or maybe it was just women's intuition. Whatever it was, one moment she was fast asleep, the next she was wide awake. She sat up quietly, and listened.
She almost jumped out of her skin when Skuld sat up with a sudden jerk. "Skuld! Wha...?" she began, giggling nervously.
Skuld held up a hand. "Ssh. I can feel them."
"Feel who?" Ukyo whispered.
The dark-haired goddess rose slowly to her feet. "Amityville. I guess they _really_ didn't like my good luck charms." She waved to Ukyo. "Follow me.
Ukyo silently followed Skuld as she tiptoed down the stairs. After a few moments, she asked "I thought you said that the good luck charms would stop the demons."
Skuld shook her head grimly. "I thought they would. But Amityville demons are a stubborn bunch and I think we just majorly pissed them off." *I was so sure those charms would work... Amityville must have a stronger hold over him than I first thought.*
"So what will they do to Ryoga?"
"Probably something a lot less nice than nightmares," came the un-reassuring answer. Skuld pushed the kitchen door open slowly.
Moonlight slanted through the window and into the room, glancing off the sharp blade of the carving knife Ryoga was holding. Orange candlelight mixed with the silver moonlight, reflecting sinister patterns onto the walls. Eyes closed, Ryoga chanted softly under his breath, holding the knife up to his cheek. "The blood of my ancestors shall mix with the blood of Amityville," he whispered quietly. In the night silence though, the sound carried over to Ukyo and Skuld. Skuld covered her mouth with her hands, her eyes widening slightly.
"What is he doing?" Ukyo whispered, trying not to let Skuld see how scared she was.
*He's still asleep...* Skuld realized suddenly. *He doesn't even know he's doing this...* She turned sharply. "No matter what, no sudden noises! He's sleepwalking and the shock could be very dangerous."
Ukyo nodded. She'd seen plenty of horror films to know that you should never wake up a sleepwalking person with a knife.
Oblivious to the two girls, Ryoga continued. "My soul shall join the other realm though my body will remain here and serve the darkness for my crimes against them." Eyes still closed, he raised the knife high.
"With this sacrifice, heaven and hell shall become one, united in blood and controlled by the dark forces of Amityville."
The blade whistled through the air.
"No!" Forgetting her own advice, Skuld ran forward. *I can't reach him in time.. I'll have to use an energy ball.* The energy ball left Skuld's hands and knocked the knife out of Ryoga's grasp, where it thudded into the wall behind him. The room grew eerily silent. And dark. The candle flames flickered and died out and outside, the moon went behind a cloud. A thick, cloying smell, like flowers, filled the room.
Ryoga turned to face her, eyes now open but still asleep. Without a word, he raised a hand and pointed at her. Instantly, every single drawer flew open with a crash. Ukyo gave a squeal of horror and grabbed the young goddesses arm. "Skuld, _do_ something! Stop him, quickly!"
Knives of all shapes and sizes rose into the air and flew towards Skuld. Without even flinching, she closed her eyes and muttered a quick spell. The knives changed direction and thudded into the ceiling. "Let him go," she said coldly, opening her eyes and stepping forward. "I, Skuld, goddess of the future, command you."
The candles flickered back into life, casting an orange glow over the room. Ryoga smiled that evil little smile at Skuld. "You, a second class goddess, would command me, Morticus?" he whispered, in a voice unlike his own. "You make me laugh." The candle flames increased in intensity.
"Barrier up!" Skuld cried, a split second before the knives fell out of the ceiling and flew towards her, blade first. Ukyo gave a small cry of fear and clung to Skuld. "Release him!" Skuld repeated.
"Never!" Pointing both hands at Skuld, he released a lightning spell, which crashed into the barrier with a bright flash of light. "He's mine!"
Skuld flung the spell away. "He is a free being. If you won't let him go, I'll have to force you to." She began to recite a spell under her breath.
The spell reeled into Ryoga, who stumbled backwards slightly. "Clever little white witch," he muttered, in a consending tone. "Any more little party favours to show me?" Lights began to flicker in the palm of his hand. "Like this one?" Ukyo and Skuld screamed as the room exploded around them. Windows and lightbulbs fragmenting into a spectacular crystalline rainfall. Pretty, but dangerous. All the crockery flew out of the cupboards and smashed against the walls, and the candles placed so strategically around the room, all exploded into colourful little wax wipe-outs. A hurricane wind whipped through the room, scattering everything in its path. "How do you like it, bitch?!" Ryoga screamed above the gale. "How's that for a fucking magic show? Want some more?!!"
"Ryoga!!" Ukyo screamed. She didn't understand what was going on, but a part of her wanted to believe that he could still hear her. That demons hadn't gotton into him and he was still her friend. Aiko's death was still bothering him and he'd just lost it for a moment, but they'd go back to the hospital in the morning and everything would be fine, they'd work this through because he was still her friend, Ryoga...
"My name is Morticus! Ryoga is just the idiot I'm using!" He glowered at Ukyo. "Why, are you worried about him? Lonely little unloved Ryoga?" Electrical appliances began to spontaneously combust and Ukyo screamed again. Ryoga laughed. "He doesn't need your pity or your sympathy or your guilt or your affection... and definitely not your love." Each adjective (are they adjectives or verbs? I really can't remember.) was punctuated by another explosion. "And he'll never need YOU!!!"
Skuld began another spell. *Forgive me for this Ryoga, but it's the only way to get Morticus out of you. I hope you'll understand...*
"Why are you doing this to him?!!" Ukyo began to sob hysterically. "Give me back Ryoga..."
Ryoga punched the wall. "WELL YOU CAN'T HAVE HIM!!!!!" He grabbed her by the collar. "You had your chance, and you threw it away. Do you know how bad he felt when you spent four hours on the phone to your dad, pleading - no, begging - that he let you marry Ranma?" He leaned dangerously close to her. "Four, fucking hours of you whining and sniveling and putting him down..."
"I-I'm su-su-sorry..." Ukyo gulped out.
Ryoga laughed. "You're sorry? YOU'RE SORRY?!!!" Floor tiles began to protest at being left out of the general fun, and exploded in a ring around them. "God, if I was as pathetic as you, I would have killed myself long ago," Ryoga sneered. "No wonder Ranma didn't fight to get you back - at least Akane is cute!"
"Mrrow."
Ryoga whipped around and dropped Ukyo on the floor. "A-Aiko?" he gasped in shock.
Ukyo scuttled backwards to where Skuld was standing. "A ghost?" she whispered curiously. Skuld shook her head.
Ryoga fell heavily to his knees and carefully picked up the little kitten. Aiko snuggled down into his arms, purring loudly. With a choked sob, he buried his face in her fur. "A- Aiko... I-I'm s-s-su-sorry..."
Skuld stood up. "Morticus, I cast you out of Ryoga's body and back into the darkness."
Ryoga jerked his head up. "What?!!"
"I cast you out of his body and into the darkness," Skuld repeated.
Ryoga looked at the kitten in his arms. She looked at him, then vanished. "No.."
"I cast you out of his body and into the darkness..."
A white aura surrounded him. "No.. you tricked me.." Ryoga cried.
"I cast you out of his body and into the darkness," Skuld finished. With a howl of anger, Morticus retreated. Leaving only Ryoga, who fell to the ground. Amazingly, still asleep. Skuld smiled. "How's that for a party trick then?"
~~~~~
Ukyo looked at the clock. Would there be any point in going back to bed? She decided there wouldn't - she'd never be able to sleep now, not now, no. The only person asleep at Ucchan's tonight, was Ryoga. The person who'd gotton her so worked up in the first place. *Jackass. How come _he_ gets to stay asleep and we don't?* With a small sigh, she cradled his head in her lap. "Skuld?"
The goddess paused in the middle of her restless pacing up and down the kitchen - not that it could be distinguished as a kitchen any more, it was too much like a bomb site for that right now. "Yes?"
Ukyo looked at Ryoga again. He looked so ... peaceful, and happier, somehow. Maybe getting rid of the demon had done that - maybe the demon was the reason he'd always looked so unhappy before! *Now there's a thought!* "Will he remember any of this? In the morning, I mean?" she asked, not looking at Skuld as she asked the question.
Skuld shrugged. "I hope not." She looked a bit guilty. "After all, the kitten spell was a bit below the belt. If he remembers that, I'm not going to be in the top ten of nice people in his book."
Ukyo nodded in understanding and looked down at him again. "But how do we explain this ... mess to him? After all, he's bound to ask."
Skuld groaned. "We wait until pooor old Skuld feels a bit more rested and makes a spell to tidy all this up."
Ukyo nodded again. She idly played around with Ryoga's hair, not even realizing she was doing so. "So how did that Morticus thing get into him?" she asked finally, the question that had been bothering her for ages.
Skuld shrugged. "I guess it got into him when Aiko got killed. The guilt made it easy to manipulate his dreams. Then the lucky charms tonight made him really mad - mad enough to kill Ryoga." She sighed. "Lucky I was able to drive Morticus out of Ryoga when I did." She cursed softly to herself. "I really should've seen the darkness tainting his aura - but I figured that was just where he was upset." The goddess allowed herself to smile a little. "But at least he's all right now."
Ukyo paused for a second before daring to ask the next question. "W-will that be the end of it now? No more nightmares or ...anything? And ... and no other demons can get into his mind now, can they?" She looked at Skuld with a hopeful expression on her face. Because Ryoga looked so happy now, it would be horrible if something like this could happen to make him unhappy again. And he looked even cuter when he was happy... *No!* Ukyo forced that little line of thought out of her mind. *I am a concerned friend, not his fiancee.. oh.*
Skuld looked around at the devastation. "The reason the demons are here is, indirectly, because of Ranma Saotome. They haven't finished what they came for." She bowed her head. "If they're still around, if Ryoga goes into another guilt-grief mood - which he may well do - then there is still the possibility that another demon could possess him." She looked at the damage in the dawn light. "And to be brutally honest, I'm not sure I could do that again."
End Part VII
Final song - Hell Is Living Without You
===========
PART IIX
Mirror, Mirror.
===========
"Skuld, is there some other way to travel other than through bathtubs?" Ryoga asked curiously.
Skuld sniggered. "Hey, it makes for interesting scenarios, right?"
"Oh yeah. Interesting," Ryoga said sarcastically. *Am I ever glad it was a guy in that tub and not a girl.* At present, he was running late for school and had begged Skuld to teleport him there. She managed to drop them both in some poor guys bathtub a block from school, but he had to run the rest of the way. At least she was making sure he made it there. Ukyo had already left, leaving a cryptic little note saying 'you were actually sleeping for once and I didn't want to wake you.' Sure, it was very nice of her, but now he was late. Which meant he'd be hauling buckets in the hallways again. Still... "There's no other way of getting around?"
Skuld shook her head. "For me, no. My sister Urd travels through TV sets and Belldandy travels through mirrors."
Ryoga stopped running for a second. "But Ukyo knows you travel through hot water. And Magical Guy Makoto has traveled through hot water too. What happens if somebody makes the connection?"
Skuld stopped too. "You're right! I never thought about that!" She began to circle him slowly.
"What are you doing?"
"Hmm?" Skuld shrugged. "Well, you're part god. Maybe you have your own travel technique. Let's see now..." She pointed a glowing finger to his forehead.
"What? Do I?"
Skuld nodded. "Basically, it's the same as Belldandy's. Mirrors. I'll teach you how to use it when we get to school." She grinned. "After all, that's what school is for!"
~~~~~
Ho hum. God, school could be soooo boring... Ryoga shook his head and tried to focus on the lesson. English.
"The pen of my Aunt is green," the teacher intoned.
"The pen of my Aunt is green," the rest of the class replied.
*And the Uncle of my Aunt is purple with green stripes. Bo-ring.* Ryoga tuned out for a second. This mirror hopping technique Skuld had taught him was almost ... useful. Amazing. Just hop into a mirror, think of something that indicates your destination and hey presto! There he was. He could go anywhere and be back home in seconds, via the mirror. It was great! Direction didn't matter!
"Hibiki, are you paying attention?" The teacher glared at him.
"No Sensei." After all, honesty is the best policy. "I thought I'd try to figure out some of the science formulas we were taught this morning, I was having a little difficulty with them," Ryoga explained - in perfect English.
The teacher blinked a few times. "Aah... well... hehe... never mind then..." He shook his head and slowly returned to the front of the classroom.
With a small yawn, Ryoga tuned out of Reality FM and began daydreaming again. *I wonder why I'm in such a good mood today.... must be because I actually slept a whole night without having any nightmares...*
~~~~~
Ryoko zapped Happosai outside the changing rooms. "What a pain. Is that old man _always_ out there?"
Akane nodded. "He's disgusting.
Ukyo nodded in agreement. "I hope he goes and bothers the boys now."
Ayeka blinked. "Why would he bother the boys?"
Akane and Ukyo exchanged a glance. "You'll see."
Ryoko grinned. "But that means Tenchi is in danger!" She jumped to her feet. "Tenchi my love! I'll save you!" she cried, running out of the room, closely followed by Ayeka.
Akane massaged her temples. "Mihoshi, are those two _always_ like that?" she asked weakly.
On the boys side, things were taking a bit more destructive path than on the girls side as a furious and dripping wet Ryoga-chan chased Ranma around the room. "Damn you Ranma! Why d'you go and splash me anyway?!" she snarled.
Ranma laughed and jumped out of the way of flying fists. "Because you look so cute when you're mad, l'il Ryoga-chan."
"DON'T CALL ME THAT!!" Not for the first time, Ryoga-chan cursed her short arms and legs with a vengeance. She couldn't reach Ranma to wipe that dratted smug look from his face.
"Calm down, little girl," Ranma taunted. "It's not ladylike to yell."
*WHAM*
Ryoga-chan grinned. Her female form was small - but it sure was a hell of a lot faster than her male form. "Take that, jerk-off." Grabbing Ranma by the collar, she tossed him into the showers and turned the cold water on.
"Hey!" Ranma-chan shook wet hair out of her eyes. "You are dead, bitch!"
"Ranma-chan! Ryoga-chan! Sweeto!"
With twin screams of disgust, Ranma-chan and Ryoga chan punted Happosai through the roof. "Ugh. He really creeps me out," Ryoga-chan said with a shudder.
Ranma-chan used the opportunity to throw Ryoga-chan across the room, where she crashed heavily into Tenchi. "Sorry!"
Tenchi groaned. "No... ouch... problem...."
"Tenchi darling!!!"
Tenchi's eyes widened in shock and he reached up to shove Ryoga-chan off of him. "Get off me!"
Ryoko burst into the men's changing room, followed by Ayeka. "I'll save you from...."
She stopped. Ayeka slammed into her back, stepped backwards and checked to see what had made Ryoko stop. She gasped in shock.
Ryoga-chan and Tenchi jumped to their feet. "Ayeka, Ryoko, it's not what it seems..." Tenchi began.
Ryoko transformed into her full battle armour. "Shut up Tenchi," she snarled.
Tenchi gulped nervously. "Ryoko, listen..."
Ryoko pointed her sword at Ryoga-chan. "DIE!!"
Ranma-chan proceeded to watch, with no small amusement, as Ryoga-chan easily evaded every single blow Ryoko sent her way, whilst trying to explain who she was at the same time. "Damn you girl! Why don't you fight back!" Ryoko yelled, swinging at Ryoga-chan.
"I don't fight girls."
"And what the hell are you, then?!!"
"I'm a guy!!"
"Oh, yeah." Ryoko laughed. "Suuuure you are!!!"
Ayeka, possessing a little more self control than her comrade, walked over to Tenchi. "Tenchi, who is that girl Ryoko is fighting with?"
Tenchi buried his head in his hands. "Ryoga."
Ayeka blinked a few times, then realization dawned. "Oh, I see! I remember Mihoshi saying something about this..."
She watched Ryoko chase Ryoga-chan around the shower area, Ryoga-chan giving each shower a bash as she passed to turn them on. "Damn it! Why does hot water never flow in these things?!!" she cried in frustration.
"Should we intervene?" Ayeka asked.
Ranma-chan shook her head. "Nah. I wanna see how he gets out of this one."
Two things happened whilst Ranma-chan was saying this. One, Ryoko got increasingly frustrated and redoubled her efforts. Two, Ryoga-chan, in pursuit of hot water, failed to spot the bar of soap some untidy person had left on the floor and a well known law know as Sods Law (or butter-side-down) sprung into play. That is to say, Ryoga-chan stepped on the previously mentioned bar of soap and suddenly found herself splat on her back. (Yes, I did intend to say splat on her back.) Probably just bad luck again. She quickly rolled over to dodge another strike from Ryoko, one that came too close for her liking. *She's never going to listen to me in this form,* Ryoga-chan realized. *And the showers aren't working. Looks like I'm going to have to use my new mirror hopping technique to get some. I'll jump through the mirror, jump back out and if I do it fast enough, maybe people will think it was just an illusion.* With these thoughts, Ryoga-chan ran over to the mirror. She cast one look back into the room and glowered at Ranma-chan. "Stupid, narcissistic, pigtailed, nut!" she growled under her breath, before vanishing.
~~~~~
Vega hummed to himself as he shaved. He smirked at his reflection. "Hey, beautiful." A lot of people would call him vain, but not many did because that would mean instant death. So maybe he was obsessed with beauty. What was wrong with that? He _liked_ to be beautiful. That's why he wore a metal mask when he was fighting, so that his perfect and beautiful face would not be harmed. So when he took it off, women would swoon and beg him to take them. Only the beautiful ones would do though. He admired his reflection. Perfect teeth, perfect eyes, perfect hair... except for that unsightly shadow he was shaving off at present. Vega splashed a bit of the warm water from the basin onto his face and raised the razor.
*WHAM*
*SPLASH*
*CRACK*
"Oops!" Ryoga spluttered, climbing out of the basin. *Well, at least the water was warm.* Even though most of it was now on the floor because the basin had kinda disintegrated when Ryoga's head hit it. He glanced around the small bathroom. *I know I hit someone... oh. That guy over there.* He gulped. The guy was bleeding pretty badly. Ryoga guessed it was either because he'd been shaving, or because he'd fallen against the glass shower curtain. Judging by the razor in his hand, it was probably a bit of both. *I'd better make sure he's OK.* So much for getting back to school before anyone noticed how he'd vanished. He walked over to Vega and offered a hand to him. "Hey, I'm sorry. Are you hurt?"
Vega looked at Ryoga. He seemed to be tinted red, for some reason. *Waitasecond... red?* He jumped to his feet and ran over to the mirror, pushing past Ryoga. He looked at his reflection in horror. Blood clouded his vision, streaking his face from a cut which ran from his right temple and all the way down his cheek. He could tell instantly, that it would never heal fully. It would scar. It. Would. Scar. He'd... never be perfect again... "NNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Vega howled. He grabbed his mask and put it on his face. But now it wasn't a mask to hide the beautiful man. It was a mask to hide the ugly duckling. He whirled round to face Ryoga, eyes filled with hatred. "You did this to me," he snarled.
*Ah. English.* Ryoga recognized English, anyway. "I'm very sorry. Would you like me to get a doctor?"
Vega studied the guy in front of him. Sixteen, maybe seventeen years of age, wild, black hair held back with a yellow and black bandanna, dark green eyes, little fangs which were visible when he spoke. Muscular, but not too much, probably very strong, flowing movements, most likely a martial artist, and one who knew magic if his mirror entrance was anything to judge him by. The guy very likely had a girlfriend or fiancee because he was... beautiful. Vega knew beauty when he saw it, and he was seeing it now. This stranger had his whole life ahead of him. Pity, Vega reflected, that it would only be a few minutes at most. Because he had to die for destroying Vega's beauty. Vega picked up his metal claws.
"Mister? Are you OK? Can you hear me?" Ryoga asked urgently. *Shit! The guys probably in shock or something!* He stepped forward. "I'm gonna phone an amb..."
Vega swiped.
~~~~~
Ukyo whapped the turquoise-haired woman over the head. "Idiot!"
Ryoko glared at her. "Come on! She was lying on top of Tenchi! What did you expect me to do?"
"Do what any normal person would do and ask for an explanation! Not lay it into him!" Akane pretended she didn't hear that comment. Ukyo continued to rant at Ryoko. "So he just vanished into the mirror, that's it?!"
"I told you, that's what happened," Ryoko grumbled. "Ask the others, they saw it too."
Ukyo growled and muttered a curse. "This is just great! I let him out of my sight for ten minutes..." She stormed over to the mirror and began brushing her hair. *Idiot! Who knows what could happen to the stupid jackass?!*
~~~~~
Ryoga was losing the fight badly, and he knew it. *Dumb, crazy idiot!* he thought angrily to himself, dodging the deadly claws again, knowing just how much they hurt. The first swipe had totally torn up his right side and would probably need stitches. He had cuts raked across his face and as for his arms... they were a total mess from blocking. His vision was blurred around the edges and the pain was so bad he knew he'd pass out soon. Also, the guy had smashed the mirror, taking out his escape route. He needed to find another mirror and he needed to find one _now_. *I'm going to carry a mirror with me wherever I go - if I live through this... NO!* He batted the thought away and tried to focus, dodging the strikes, rather than trying to block against them. *R-A, R-C and R-D didn't save me to get killed by a guy who thinks he's Freddy Krueger!* He carefully worked his way around the building, looking for a mirror he could use.
Vega was impressed. Not only was the guy still standing after some of his most powerful attacks, but he'd landed quite a few powerful blows on Vega in return. Still... "Killing blow!" He charged forwards.
Ryoga dodged desperately, spun around and came face to face with
Himself.
A mirror.
*Ucchan... help me...*
~~~~~
Ukyo sighed and adjusted her white bow. *Jerk. Making me worry about him. When I catch him, he's gonna be on the receiving end of one hell of a hissy fit!* Leaning forward, she checked to see the bow was straight.
Her reflection rippled, then, without warning, Ryoga fell out of the mirror and heavily on top of her. They fell to the floor in a tangled heap. Ukyo furiously reached for her battle spatula. *How dare you come into the girls changing rooms, you PERVERT!* she fumed. "Ryoga, you..." She stopped. Something wasn't right here - Ryoga should be scrambling for his life right now, not just laying there...
"U-Ucchan?"
The small whisper cut into her thoughts. Ukyo sat up and took a good look at him. "Oh god!! Ryoga, what happened?!! Who did this to you?!!" she cried in horror.
"I-it hurts..." Ryoga let the blackness swallow him up into welcome oblivion.
End Part IIX
Final song - The Man Behind The Mask
==============
PART IX
Hospital Trust 2
==============
Patients at Doctor Tofu's looked nervously at each over, wondering if Kasumi had popped by to visit. Judging from the yells they could hear, it would probably be a good idea to come back later.
"OWW!"
"Keep still, you idiot!" Ukyo growled. "How am I supposed to do this if you keep wriggling like a fish on a hook?"
Ryoga sighed and tried to keep still as Ukyo daubed antiseptic lotion on the cuts. Unfortunately, as any primary school kid will remind you, that stuff stings like hell. With a yelp of pain, Ryoga quickly moved his arm out of Ukyo's reach. She smacked him over the back of the head. "Keep still!"
"It HURTS!"
"If you kept still, it wouldn't hurt so much!" With more force than she needed, she grabbed his arm again and tried to clean up some of the cuts. Ryoga flinched and squeezed his eyes shut, but this time he didn't pull away. Ukyo smiled slightly. "Good boy."
"I'm not six years old," he muttered.
"Anyone would think you were with the fuss you're making," Ukyo retorted. Ryoga stuck his tongue out at her and she laughed. "Baby."
"I am _NOT_ a baby!" he protested, trying to sit up.
Ukyo placed a hand firmly on his chest and pushed him back. "Don't try to get up, you jackass. Your whole side is cut to ribbons."
"What a lovely nurse you'd make," he said sarcastically. "So kind, so caring, so gentle... OW! THAT STINGS!!!!"
"That just means it's working," Ukyo insisted.
"It still hurts though," he replied through gritted teeth.
"Wimp." She finished cleaning the slash marks on his chest and reached for the bottle of antiseptic. "I'll clean up your face now, OK?"
"You are NOT putting that stuff on my face!" Ryoga reached up and snatched the bottle away.
Ukyo made a grab for it and he tossed it from hand to hand, just out of her reach. "Come on, Ryoga! Give it back! I'm serious!"
"Promise not to use it on my face?"
Ukyo smiled a little. "I promise. But you're a wimp."
"I am not." Ryoga scowled at her. "I just don't like pain."
Ukyo relented and used warm water instead. "You know, you haven't actually told me what happened to you yet," she said casually.
There was a few moments of silence as Ryoga considered how on earth he was supposed to begin. "Well... Skuld taught me this mirror trick where you think of something that indicates your destination, then you end up there."
"Useful trick. Does that mean you'll be attending school more often?" she teased. "So, carry on."
"I was ...fighting Ranma... ow!"
"Serves you right. How many times have I told you not to pick on Ranchan?!" Ukyo scowled.
Ryoga glared at her. "He started it. He splashed me with cold water. Anyway, he threw me across the room and I landed on Tenchi."
Ukyo snapped her fingers. "Yes, Ryoko was telling me about that. And you vanished through the mirror. So where did you end up?"
"Well....I wanted to get some hot water so she'd understand and stop waving that glowing sword around. But just as I was leaving, I caught sight of Ranma out of the corner of my eye, and um.." Ryoga stopped. "Before I say the next bit, you promise you won't hit me again?"
Ukyo narrowed her eyes. "What did you think about Ranma?" she asked suspiciously.
"Do you promise?"
"OK. I promise I will not hit you."
"I thought something like 'vain, pigtailed idiot..."
*CLANG*
"OW!" Ryoga glared at her. "You promised!"
"I promised _I_ wouldn't hit you." She grinned. "And I didn't. The spatula did."
"Hmph." Ryoga crossed his arms. "You have no bedside manner, d'you know that?"
"Oh, don't be such a baby. Tell me where you ended up."
"Some weirdo's bathroom. I must have knocked his arm while he was shaving or something and he cut his face. When I offered to get an ambulance or a doctor or something, he grabbed these metal claw things and slashed my side. OW! DON'T POKE IT, YOU IDIOT!"
Ukyo grinned a little. "Wimp. But that's gonna need stitches. So's your arm, probably. I assume that's from blocking this claw thing, right?"
Ryoga nodded. "I bet I could've beaten him if he hadn't taken me by surprise."
"Suuuuure you could," Ukyo nodded. "Whatever you say."
"I could!!"
There were a few moments of silence, before Ukyo piped up. "You said this mirror trick worked by thinking of something which indicated your destination, right?"
"Right."
"What were you thinking of when you came out of the mirror in the girls changing rooms?"
"Nothing," Ryoga said quickly, blushing a little.
"Liar. You just said you need to think of something that indicates your destination." Ukyo grinned as she outlined the logic. "So, what were you thinking of?"
Ryoga turned a bit pinker. "I don't have to tell you."
"Come on, tell me, you pervert!"
"I'm not a pervert!"
"You ended up in the girls changing rooms! Of course you're a pervert!"
Ryoga scowled. "I'm _not_ a pervert. You just happened to be in the girls changing rooms..."
"So you were thinking of me?" Ukyo was surprised to say the least.
Ryoga blushed. "Y-you? W-why would I be thinking of a violent, cross-dressing, tomboy like you?" he stammered nervously.
*CLANG*
"OWW!"
"JERK!!!"
*CLANG*CLANG*CLANG*CLANG*CLANG*CLANG*CLANG*CLANG*CLANG *CLANG*
Doctor Tofu poked his head around the door. "Ukyo, it's not really proper to beat patients unconscious with a spatula. I have anaesthetic for that."
~~~~~
Down in the deepest bowels of hell (no, seriously!), Satan was glaring at a few of his employees. "So, explain yourselves."
Omega glared at Morganan. "You first."
Morganan sighed. "Magical guy Makoto. He blasted me before I could even blink."
"Ha! You're just useless, that's all," Omega snarled. "At least I put up a fight!"
"He got you too! With the same attack and all!" They both turned to Morticus. "So how did you get defeated?"
Morticus glared at them. "I had Hibiki right where I wanted him. I was weakening him so the job could get done. But that bitch he lives with kept sealing me out each night after I'd played around a little. Then that little white witch turned up and started teaching him how to use his magic, then she goes and sticks a load of lucky charms around him."
"Didn't know lucky charms could have any effect on you," Omega said nonchalantly.
Morticus glared at him. "They don't, normally. But I decided I'd get rid of him - you know he's that Magical Guy, don't you?"
"Of course we know!" Morganan snapped.
Morticus continued. "Then that nasty little white witch and the Kuonji bitch woke up and chucked me out."
"You got cast out by a second class goddess?!"" Morganan and Omega laughed.
Morticus fumed. "It's not my fault! She cast a spell using the memory of that little cat we killed, and his mind took over!"
"You're just incompetent," Omega sneered.
Satan stepped forward before they could leap at each other's throats. "OK. So Hibiki's gotten stronger than we expected. Send a message to Jodie, tell him to take the Kuno chicks soul and wait a while before making his move. Let Percicus and Merdith wear him down, but wait a few days until he lets his guard down, you got that?"
The other three demons nodded and left the room. Satan sat down in his throne and continued to focus flames on the snowball in front of him, which still refused to melt.
~~~~~
Ryoga cast Ukyo the evilest look he felt he safely could, wincing at the pain in his head. *Violent tomboy,* he thought moodily, shifting the ice pack a little. *She didn't have to hit me so much! Well, _she_ can apologize to _me_ this time. And I'm not talking to her until she admits she was wrong!*
Ukyo pointedly ignored Ryoga and attempted to straighten out the dents in her spatula. *Jackass! How dare he call me a tomboy?! Well, I'm not saying _one_ word to him unless he apologizes.*
Ryoga glanced around the room in search of a mirror. He wasn't one for vanity, but he wanted to see how badly he was cut up. There wasn't one in sight. *Damn.* He sighed. So much for not talking to Ukyo. "Hey, Uk-YO?" he asked, emphasizing the fact that he wasn't calling her Ucchan at the moment.
Ukyo picked up a piece of paper, scribbled on it for a moment, then held it up for him to read. [I am not talking to you, you insensitive jerk.]
Ryoga shrugged. "Suits me. I have a bad enough headache already without having to listen to you whinge at me..." he said in an accusing tone.
*CLANG*
Ryoga grabbed the business end of the spatula and yanked it out of Ukyo's grip. "Would you quit hitting me whenever you get pissed off, you uncute, tomboy, maniac!!" he snapped angrily, tossing it across the room. "Jeez! I only wanted to ask if you knew where there was a mirror!"
Ukyo marched across the room, picked up her spatula and immediately whacked him over the head with it again. "Don't call me an uncute tomboy maniac, you pervert!"
"I'm NOT a pervert. And I thought you weren't talking to me," Ryoga reminded her.
[I'm NOT talking to you. Pervert. And go get your own mirror.] Ukyo poked her tongue out at him.
"Fine." Ryoga stood up and moved towards the door.
Ukyo jumped up and stood in his path. "Where d'you think you're going?!!"
"To get a mirror!" Ryoga crossed his arms. "And you spoke."
Ukyo gritted her teeth and resisted the urge to hit him again. "You shouldn't be wandering around in your condition," she pointed out.
"You told me to get my own mirror."
"If you apologize, I'll get one for you." Ukyo felt that was a very generous offer on her behalf.
Ryoga thought otherwise. "Apologize? What for?"
"For calling me a violent tomboy!"
"I was only saying the truth. And you should apologize to me."
"What for?!!" Ukyo began to glow with anger. Then, to her immense amazement, Ryoga started to laugh. "What?!! What the hell are you laughing at?!!"
"You. You're funny when you're mad," he sniggered.
Ukyo fixed him with her best Anything Goes You're Walking On Thin Ice glare. "Shut up, lie down and I won't hit you," she growled.
"I'm not an invalid. I can get my own mirror," Ryoga replied, irritated by her attitude. "Stop mothering me!!" At that moment, nausea caught up with him and he stumbled a little, feeling sick.
"Ryoga? Are you all right?!" Ukyo changed her glare to the Anything Goes Look Of The Concerned Fiancee and moved forward to catch him if he fainted or something. "Lie down and I'll go get Doctor Tofu..."
"No! I'm fine!" Ryoga pushed her away. The glare reasserted itself on her face and her grip on the spatula tensed. Ryoga laughed. "And here's the big spatula, the answer to the worlds problems. Just bash Ryoga with the spatula to make it all better." The laugh stopped as quickly as it had started and Ryoga cast Ukyo a venomous look. "Well fine then. Hit me with the damn thing. If that's what you really want, go ahead." He sat down on the edge of the hospital bed and closed his eyes. *If only that _would_ make it all better...* He clenched his fists. *This is going to hurt.* He waited for the familiar whooshing sound of a giant spatula making course for the top of his head.
Ukyo's immediate intent was to knock the stupid jackass for six. Then she rewound the words back through her head and changed her mind. Instead, she picked up a mirror and tossed it to him. "Catch."
Ryoga opened his eyes and caught the mirror before it could bounce off his head. Examining his reflection, he decided it wasn't too bad. Five parallel scratches ran down his right cheek and just along the jawbone. Sure, he looked like a lawn mower had run over him, but it could be worse. *Who am I kidding? I look like I've had a fight with a blender.*
"Hey, Ryoga?"
Ryoga looked up. "Yes?"
*CLANG*CLANG*CLANG*CLANG*CLANG*CLANG*CLANG*CLANG*CLANG *CLANG*
Ukyo allowed herself a small smile as Ryoga toppled over, unconscious. It always seemed to be more satisfying to whack him unexpectedly.
~~~~~
"Again?" Miyu looked at her blond friend who was currently pulling at her arm with little effect. "He's in hospital again?"
Mihoshi nodded. "Please come with me to visit him," she pleaded for the ... eighteenth time? No, nineteenth, Miyu counted. "I'm so worried he might.. he might..." Mihoshi's eyes filled with tears and she burst into wails that would make Soun proud. Miyu gave a yelp of pain as her air supply was cut off by Mihoshi's mega grip around her neck. "WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!! I'M SO WORRIED!!!!!!!!!!"
"M-Mi-hahhh-oshi..... I-I c-caaan't breath..." Miyu eventually managed to gasp. Mihoshi stopped wailing long enough to hear her, and released her grip. Miyu eventually managed to get her breath back long enough to pant out "Fine. We'll visit him with you..." then Mihoshi reattached herself to her neck.
"WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!! YOU'RE SO KIND!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Maika sniggered. "Maybe being squished will help you lose weight, Miyu." Miyu threw her a glare as her face started to match her hair colour.
~~~~~
It was amazing how many people could fit in a room, Ukyo realized, looking at Shampoo, Ranma, Akane, Maika, Miyu, Mihoshi, Ryoko, Ayeka, (and she guessed Tenchi would show up too!) and Skuld, who'd been rather annoyed when Ukyo explained what had happened to him, muttering something under her breath about secrets. Presently, Ryoko was annoyed at Ukyo after she'd explained that she'd whacked Ryoga out cold. Ukyo marveled slightly at the reversal in role. Earlier, she'd been ticking Ryoko off. Now, the turquoise-haired woman was yelling at her. "So you bashed him with this spatula for calling you names?!!"
Ukyo wondered why she bothered. "Yes, I hit him for calling me names," she said for the thousandth time, through gritted teeth. What was wrong with that? He'd asked for, after all.
Ryoko thought otherwise. "How could you?!! I'd never hit Tenchi if he came to me, all hurt! It'd serve you right if he went to Mihoshi next time! How could you hit the man you love?!!!"
"Waitasecond!!" Ukyo jumped to her feet. "What do you mean, the man I love?!! Me, love that jackass?!!"
Ryoko looked surprised. "Well, you two are engaged, aren't you?"
"Yeah, not by choice!!!" *Well, that's not entirely true....* Ukyo waved that little line of thought away.
Ryoko looked puzzled. "So why not break it off? If you don't love the guy, you shouldn't be engaged to him."
Ukyo was saved from having to answer by Ryoga waking up. "I hate that spatula..." he grumbled.
*GLOMP*
"WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!" A yellow-haired bundle attached itself to Ryoga. "I THOUGH YOU WERE DEEEEEAAAAAAD!!!"
"So so controlled, our little Mihoshi," Maika observed. She reached over and plucked the girl away before Ryoga could suffocate.
Shampoo immediately bopped Mihoshi with a bonbori. "Bubble-head bad girl. No hug Airen."
Mousse snarled. "Hibiki, prepare to die," he growled, wielding a handful of knives.
Ryoga sighed. "You know, Mousse, that approach is overdated and overused and quite frankly, doesn't scare me a bit. Try again."
Mousse scratched his head. "Uh... today is the day you shall meet your doom?"
"BBB. Boring, bland and banal."
"Depart, travesty?"
"Nope." Ryoga shook his head.
Mousse thought a little longer before a grin appeared on his face. "Got it! Begone evil one!!!"
Ryoga cast him a dubious look. "That's for vampires, you moron!"
"I know, but I thought that maybe with those fangs.."
"I AM _NOT_ A VAMPIRE!!!!"
Mousse fumed. "Don't yell at me, you gender-dyslexic, cross-dressing, pathetic, spineless excuse for a martial artist, you idiotic waste of a one-night stand, or I'll garrotte you with cheese-wire - and don't think I'm talking about your neck!!!"
Ryoga blinked a few times. "Oh-kay. That was much better."
Shampoo stomped up behind Mousse and hit him over the head with a bonbori. "You stupid! No talk to Ryoga like that!"
Rubbing his head, Mousse looked around for someone to vent his frustration on. "HIBIKI, HOW DARE YOU ENSLAVE MY BELOVED SHAMPack!!!!"
*KAPOW*
Shampoo glared at the Mousse-shaped hole in the ceiling with a look of venom, the kind of look anyone of the female sex gives Happosai on any given day. "Why too too stupid Mousse never get message?" Her angry looked vanished and she pointed to the television. "Look! Magic Guy on television!"
Attention immediately switched to the television, which was showing videotaped footage of the fight at Furinkan. Skuld leaned over and whispered to Ryoga, "we have _got_ to find a way to stop that Nabiki girl from filming you all the time!"
"I wonder who he is.." Miyu said aloud curiously. New super heroes in Tokyo made things very confusing for the ones already present.
Ryoko shrugged. "Who knows. It's amazing how these people do that." She poked the screen. "I mean, just look at Sailor Moon there. With a hairstyle like that, you'd think _someone_ would work out who she is."
"He sort of looks like Ryoga," Mihoshi said casually.
Skuld choked on a mouthful of orange juice. "He looks _nothing_ like Ryoga!" she managed to splutter out.
Ayeka shook her head. "I think Mihoshi's right. They do look similar."
Ranma laughed. "Except there's no way Ryoga could be a super hero!"
"And just why not?" Ryoga asked angrily, all thoughts of denial flying from his mind.
"Well, why would anyone want someone like you as a super hero when they could have me?"
"Stay calm!" Skuld whispered urgently. "You don't wanna give anything away, do you?"
Ryoga glared at Ranma and crossed his arms. "I'll let that one slide."
Ukyo giggled. "Can't take the truth?" she teased.
"And what's that supposed to mean?!" Ryoga snarled.
Ukyo fixed him with a withering gaze. "It means, Magical Guy Makoto is charming, handsome and sophisticated. Look in the mirror."
Ryoga bit back an angry remark. Skuld quickly changed the subject before anyone could make the connection. "I'm starved. When's dinner round this place?"
Shampoo brought forth a delivery box. "Shampoo make dinner for Airen!"
Mihoshi, television forgotten, jumped to her feet. "Oh! So did I!" She beamed at Ryoga. "I remembered how much you hated hospital food."
Ryoga was beginning to look flustered at all the attention. "I um, well, I ... thanks..."
"Bubblehead get lost! Ryoga eat Shampoo food!"
"I am not a bubblehead! And Ryoga can eat whoever's food he wants!!" The blond girl avoided Shampoos attacks, while trying not to let the meal she'd prepared end up on the floor. (Hey, she's a Galaxy Police detective! Don't underestimate her because of her blind luck!)
"Uh... you two..." Ryoga began. He gave up saying anything more, realizing the peace pleas were falling upon deaf ears.
Ryoko sniggered. "My, my. I never thought I'd see Mihoshi act like that!"
Ayeka nodded. "It reminds me of something..."
Tenchi walked in and gave them a wave. "Hel..."
"Tenchi!! I made you some cookies!! Try them!!"
"No way! Tenchi's gonna eat my cookies!!!"
Tenchi groaned. Ranma dodged a kick of Mihoshi's and made his way over to Ryoga. "Jeez Ryoga, you could open a Dojo in here!" he joked. "So how are you?"
"Been better. I'd be out of here already if ..." Ryoga trailed off and glared at Ukyo out of the corner of his eye.
Ukyo glared back and stuck her tongue out. "Jackass. It's your own fault anyway."
Akane looked at her friend curiously. "What's going on here?"
Ranma looked back and forth at Ryoga and Ukyo. Ucchan, his pal, was mad at Ryoga. So that must mean... Ryoga had done something to Ucchan! He stepped forward and tipped a glass of water over Ryoga's head.
"HEY?!!!!!" Ryoga-chan spluttered, stabbing Ranma with her eyes. "What the HELL did you do that for?!!"
"What did you do to Ucchan?!!" Ranma yelled.
Ryoga-chan blinked in confusion. "I didn't do anything to her!!"
"Yeah right!!" Ranma grabbed Ryoga-chan by the scruff of the neck and threw her across the room.
Now, as has been previously stated, Ryoga-chan was far more petite in her female form and her trousers often wound up around her ankles. While this wasn't a problem when she'd been lying down, as she flew through the air, gravity started to take effect. Feeling her trousers slip, Ryoga-chan make a grab for the waistband, ignoring the amounting chaos around her. She didn't notice Shampoo's bonbori until it slammed into her very bruised and cut up side. With a yell of pain, she collapsed on the floor, blood beginning to seep through her yellow shirt. The various fights around the room halted abruptly. Ryoga-chan climbed unsteadily to her feet then fell back down to her knees and concentrated on trying to ignore the pain. "Raaaaaaaama..."
Before she could say anything more, a large mallet introduced itself to Ranma's skull, with a resounding *WHAM*. Akane glared at her fiancee, twitching on the floor. "JERK!!!" She looked at Ryoga-chan in concern. "Are you OK? I'll go fetch Doctor Tofu."
Ryoga-chan nodded slightly, managing to stumble to her feet. "Thanks."
*GLOMP*
"Shampoo sorry! Forgive Shampoo!"
With another wail of pain, Ryoga-chan collapsed again, blood flowing more freely. Doctor Tofu ran into the room and quickly assessed the situation. Ryoko and Ayeka were squabbling, Mihoshi was screaming at Shampoo, who was screaming back and Ukyo was arguing with Skuld. Ryoga-chan looked as though she wanted to cry. He decided how to get rid of everybody, in the fastest way possible. He took a deep breath. "RIGHT! EVERYBODY, OUT NOW!!! THERE ARE SICK PEOPLE IN THIS HOSPITAL, AND YOU'RE NOT HELPING THEM!!!!!" he roared, pulling a Soun Tendo demon head complete with fangs, glowing eyes and snake tongue. The room was cleared in milliseconds.
~~~~~
Ranma glanced sideways at Shampoo for the sixth time in two minutes. She was still holding the ramen delivery box, he noted. Turning his head to the other side, he sneaked a peek at Akane. She'd offered to cook dinner tonight, and (shock horror!!!!!!) Kasumi had agreed. Ranma was still trying to decide whether it was safer in the long run to tell Akane he'd rather eat his own intestines and face her mega-smasher of a mallet, or to eat her food when it stopped trying to molest him. Sometimes Akane's cooking could be more affectionate than Shampoo used to be. He glanced at Shampoo again. Maybe she still liked him... a little. If so, he could use his charm to wheedle the ramen into his possession. Then he'd at least've eaten something he was certain wasn't related to him.
Ukyo flipped through another magazine before tossing it aside. *Honestly! Where do they buy these things?!!!* she wondered, tossing aside 'Morris Dancers Monthly' in search of something - _anything_ that wouldn't turn her brain into potato salad. The magazine selection in the waiting room however, was pathetically ... pathetic. Even though there was only her, Skuld, Ranma, Akane and Shampoo left here, there was still nothing worth reading. With a sigh of resignation, she gave up and glared at the floor. Her mind instantly began to focus on important subjects like *Hospital magazines suck*, *I'm hungry - as soon as Doctor Tofu finishes with Ryoga, I'm going home for dinner*, *I wonder if the demon that possessed Ryoga has some connection to the ones that attacked me and Akane* and *I hope the weirdo who did that to Ryoga doesn't turn up to try and kill him or something like that...*
"You OK, Ukyo?" Akane asked.
Ukyo looked up, startled out of her thoughts. "Y-yeah... I mean, why wouldn't I be?"
"I just thought you might be worried about Ryoga," Akane replied.
"Worried? About that jackass?" Much to her embarrassment, Ukyo felt her face redden. "I'm not worried about him! That idiot can take care of himself!"
Akane smiled and put her arm around her friend. "He'll be fine."
"I'm NOT worried!" Ukyo insisted, ignoring Skuld's little giggle. She stood up abruptly. "I'm going to get some candy. Wanna come with me?" she asked Akane. *Chocolate. That's the answer.*
Akane nodded. "Yeah. I could use something sickeningly sweet too."
The moment they were out of sight, Ranma turned to Shampoo. He wondered how to start. "Uh... hey... Shampoo?" *Oh, well _that's_ a great start!! NOT!*
Shampoo turned and smiled at him. "Yes Ranma?"
Well, she was smiling. That was good. Ranma felt a bit more confident. "Hey, I'm sorry you're not my fiancee any more, but we're still friends, right?"
"Of course! Shampoo and Ranma such good friends!" Shampoo decided to play along. *Him up to something, Shampoo know!*
Feeling his stomach rumble, Ranma continued. "Hey, you never got round to giving Ryoga that ramen, did you?" he asked casually, pretending to change the subject. *Just a little more, and that ramen's mine!!* (Insert maniacal laughter into Ranma's imagination here.)
Shampoo grinned a little grin, clicking to what Ranma was trying to pull. *Ranma think just because Shampoo not speak good Japanese, that make her stupid! Well, Shampoo play your game little longer...* She shook her head, feigning ignorance. "No. Bubble-head girl interfere, now ramen go to waste."
"Seeing as we're friends and all, I'd hate to see your ramen go to waste." Ranma gave her a smile, the one she used to adore. "I'd be glad to take it off your hands."
Shampoo stood up. "I so happy! Shampoo give Ranma ramen, yes?" She took the bowl out of the delivery box and held it up. "You want?" Ranma nodded eagerly, drooling at the mouth. With a saccharine sweet smile, Shampoo tipped it over his head. "Enjoy."
Skuld cackled with laughter, almost falling off the regulation plastic hospital chair that people are somehow expected to be comfortable sitting on. (These are also the same chairs used in schools. And teachers wonder why their pupils are too uncomfortable to concentrate on their schoolwork?) Shampoo grinned in victory and poked Ranma on the nose. "Take that, too too overconfident womanizer. Shampoo not stupid, you waste of fathers cum."
Looking at the amazed and completely sunned look on Ranma's face, Skuld _did_ fall off the chair. Ranma, for once, was at a total loss of words as Shampoo stalked past him, nose in the air. "You tell Ryoga what happen, yes?" she asked Skuld.
Skuld nodded, tears running down her face, not trusting herself to speak. Shampoo grinned and walked out. Ranma stared after her in shock. *W-w-when did she learn to say _that_ in Japanese?!!!* After a moment's thought, he growled, "Ryoga, this is all your fault!!"
Ukyo and Akane chose that moment to reappear with their chocolate. Akane blinked. "I'm not even going to ask."
Ranma glowered and began to plan his revenge. That moment, a familiar figure entered. "Oh my. Ranma, what happened?"
"Hello Kasumi." Ranma smiled that evil little smile usually reserved for men twiddling little black moustaches. "Doctor Tofu's just through there."
"Why, thank you Ranma," Kasumi said, smiling sweetly and pushing the door open before anyone could stop her.
"K-Kasumi! Wahahaha!! ... W-w-what b-brings you h-here?"
*SNAP*CRACK*POP*KRIK*
"YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
End Part IX
Final song - No Surprises
===============================
PART X
Deja-vu -
Reflections don't always speak the truth.
===============================
*BRRRIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINNNNNNNNNNNNNNNGGGGGGGGGG*
*WHAM*
*Nothing _quite_ like the snooze button* Ryoga decided, giving the remains of his alarm clock a quick glance before attempting to catch sleep again. Before he could succeed, Ukyo poked her head through the door and threw a pillow at him. "Wake up!"
"I was asleep," he grumbled, batting the pillow away and closing his eyes.
"That was then and this is now and you've got work to do!" Ukyo open the curtains, flooding the room with sunlight. Giving up, Ryoga stretched, then regretted it as every muscle in his body screamed their protest by putting him in pain. *OW! I am never going anywhere near Doctor Tofu again!* He winced a little and sat up slowly, trying to hide the pain from Ukyo. She pretended not to notice. "Put some clothes on while I make breakfast, OK, sugar?"
Entering her kitchen, Ukyo was hit by inspiration. Instead of making the usual okonomiyaki, she could make him something special to show how relieved she was that he was all right. *That sounds good! Let's see now...* She reached for a cook book.
A few minuets later, Ryoga appeared. "What are you cooking?" he asked curiously. "It doesn't smell like okonomiyaki."
"Miso soup, nori, natto and tsukemono," Ukyo explained, pointing to each as she named them.
Ryoga looked surprised. "You're not cooking okonomiyaki?"
"Nope."
"Okonomiyaki Ukyo is cooking something other than okonomiyaki?" Ryoga didn't notice the battle aura flare up as he wandered around the kitchen. "That's incredible."
Ukyo reached for her battle spatula. "What's so incredible about it?!" she growled.
Ryoga still didn't notice the darkening mood. "I didn't think you could cook anything other than okonomiyaki." He looked thoughtful. "I hope it's edible."
That was it. Ukyo swung. "JERK!!!!!!"
He finally located the source of the blue glow. "Uh oh."
*CLANG*
~~~~~
*Women* Ryoga decided, *are the bane of my existence.* Finally, it all made sense. Women were the reason things went wrong in his life. Sailing through the air, he decided to work out the reasons to pass the time until he landed. Firstly, there was the fact that he'd be born. Partly his mothers fault. He chuckled a little. So it was a very sexist reason, but it was a reason. *Well, this is a fun game. What else?*
Then, there was the bread feud. If he'd gone to a mixed school, the lunch time riots would not be present, because all the boys would be trying to impress the girls. Ranma wouldn't have constantly stolen his bread and the fight would never had been made. A distinct lack of women was the problem there.
What was next? Umm.... he was incredibly shy around them. That was defiantly a disadvantage as far as he was concerned. As soon as girls started to be cute to him, he passed out. And if they showed off any skin, he needed a blood transfusion!
Four, Ranma. Or to be more precise, Ranma's girl half. How many times had Ranma played games with his heart by transforming into a girl and donning a disguise? Too many to count.
*Let's see ... other problems because of girls? Akane.* That was obvious. He couldn't hurt Ranma because that would hurt her. Major disadvantage on his part. No matter how much he wanted - no, needed revenge against Ranma, a little part of his mind (armed with a large mallet and toxic food) would hold him back. Even now he still found himself holding back for her.
Ranma's ex-fiancees. Shampoo wasn't so bad - she was actually quite nice. But there was the Mousse problem. It was infinitely irritating to walk down the street, only to be met by the sound of "Hibiki! Prepare to di..." Hang on a sec. Ryoga frowned to himself. That actually seemed a little familiar to him... *Oh well.* He shrugged the thought away. *It's not important. Now, where was I?*
Hmm.... And Ucchan. No matter what he said or what he did, he still ended up being smashed over the head or punted though the roof. *Like now...* he thought, narrowly missing a bird that had flitted into his flight path. Ucchan seemed to alternate half the time between being glad to be rid of him (by smacking him through the roof...) and not letting him step outside. He had no idea where he was with her. Did she want him to stay there or not? If she did, why did she always hit him? And if she didn't, why did she ...umm .... hit him? So what if they were engaged? If that was what being engaged was about, he wanted out before he ended up like Ranma.
Didn't Ranma often spend his mornings flying through the air too? Oh well.
Yep, women of the world were plotting against him, trying to sap his moral and spirit. OBVIOUSLY that was why he was now cursed to turn into a girl. Idly he wondered which goddess he'd ticked off in a past life. So he could grovel and get his life back to a vague sort of normal.
A flash of green hair caught his eye, and he turned to see a girl flying next to him. After a second look he quickly pinched his nose and turned away, blushing a little.
"Hi. My name's Lum." Lum smiled at him. "Have you seen a brown haired boy chasing a girl in red armour and chains?" she asked hopefully.
Ryoga shook his head. "Sorry, but no."
Lum sighed. "What are you doing up here, anyway?" Flying people were a rarity, and she wanted to be prepared if more people were going to try and drag Darling away from her.
"My fiancee swatted me through the roof." The trajectory was changing. Maybe if he was lucky, he land on someone's roof. Then it'd be simple to find a mirror and teleport home. He was still suffering from a mixture of Vega and Tofu inflicted pain and he felt he deserved a day of rest and relaxation. Well, he could dream, couldn't he?
"Why?" Lum was curious now. She'd seen Ranma a few times, but another guy with a violent fiancee?
Ryoga shrugged. "How the hell should I know? She got mad at me when I said she couldn't cook anything other than okonomiyaki."
"You're mean!!!" Lum decided Japanese men were a total waste of space. "You're just as bad as Darling!!" She grabbed him by the arm.
"Hey, wha...?"
*ZAK*ZAK*ZAK*ZAK*ZAK*ZAK*ZAK*ZAK*ZAK*ZAK*ZAK*ZAK*ZAK*Z AK*ZAK*ZAK*
"OWOWOWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Lum disappeared in search of Ataru and Benten, glaring at the charbroiled bandannaed boy. "Serves you right, being mean to your fiancee!!!"
*Girls hate me.* Ryoga looked down. Water loomed up.
*SPLASH*
Ryoga-chan crawled out of the river and wrung out her bandanna. Her trousers had sunk immediately and were lost in the depths of the water. Luckily, her shirt fell to her knees. She hoped she wouldn't get splashed with any hot water until _after_ she'd managed to acquire some trousers That Would Fit. *This is so unfair! How come Ranma never loses his clothes?!* Ryoga-chan sighed. The day could not get much worse. *Girls _really_ hate me.*
"What a fashion disaster!!"
"You'll never get a date dressed like that!"
Ryoga-chan looked up at the girls in front of her. "Uh... what...?"
The girls exchanged glances. "Don't worry. We're the Kolkhoz high fashion club," one of them said, stepping forward. "We're going to _have_ to fix up your outfit, honey."
Ryoga-chan began to back away. "N-nu-no thanks, I'll just... is that the time?"
"GRAB HER, GIRLS!!!!"
"Saotome secret technique!!" Ryoga-chan yelled. She ran. The ludicrously huge mass of girls set chase after her. *And I hate girls.*
~~~~~
"Ukyo! I love you!"
Ukyo fumed and released some of her pent up anger on the vending machine that was trying to hit on her. She bashed it with her spatula several times, before kicking it through the front door. "Tsubasa, GET THE HELL OUT OF MY RESTAURANT!!!!!"
Outside, the vending machine sprouted arms, legs and a head and wobbled down the street. *Ouch. She's getting a lot more violent.* A nasty thought struck Tsubasa. *M- maybe Ukyo _really_ doesn't want to date with me!!!* After considering that for a few seconds, he tossed the idea aside and went in search of his 'turn left' disguise.
~~~~~
Ryoga-chan hummed a little as she went in pursuit of a mirror. She been ambushed and overwhelmed by the girls - it was incredible how many girls were devoted to fashion - and subjected to horrors far worse than she could ever tell.
She'd been given a makeover.
Mascara, lipstick, foundation, blusher, eyeshadow and worst of all, eyeliner. She'd had her eyelashes curled, her fingernails painted and her eyebrows plucked. Somehow, they'd even managed to cover up the slash marks on her face. She'd always thought girls had makeovers to relax and make themselves pretty.
Now she knew the truth - it was to toughen themselves up in case they were ever made prisoners of war. How could it hurt so much to have somebody just comb her hair?
Ryoga-chan sighed, but continued to hum. After all, she'd made it out alive. With clothes that fit. They'd even let her keep her bandanna. So maybe she could've done without the bra... and the panties... and the stockings and suspenders... so maybe the little skirt was very short. And the little denim sleeveless tie-top shirt was too ... girly. But it all fitted, a sensation she'd never found in this form so far. Clothes that really fitted.
But the moment she found a mirror she was getting changed.
Maybe in future, it'd make sense to carry round a spare outfit, one of the one's R-C had left behind. Ryoga-chan smiled a sad little smile as she thought about her 'brothers' and 'sister'. Then she remembered Skuld mentioning a sister. *I'll have to ask her about it. A little sister... I wonder what she's like?* Maybe it would be nice to have a little sister to care for....* Ryoga-chan shook her head quickly. No. It was too soon. She still missed Aiko.
Glancing to one side, she noticed a furniture store. *Mirrored cabinets... home, here I come!!*
~~~~~
Elsewhere in Tokyo, things were just as hectic in that little corner of insanity known to the locals as the Tendo Dojo.
"RANMA, YOU GET BACK HERE AND EAT THE BREAKFAST I MADE!!!!"
"Growf."
"A-Akane? I was just, ya know, going into town..."
"SWEETO!!!!"
"GETAWAYFROMMEYOUFREAKOFNATURE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
*KAPOW*
"Eat breakfast before you go!"
"I wanna get there alive!!"
"WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!! MY BABY GIRL AND HER FIANCE ARE FIGHTING AGAIN!!!!!!!!!!"
"Akane! Pigtailed girl! My two fair beloved's! I would date..."
*WHACK*POW*
"Oh my."
~~~~~
The bathroom was empty, much to Ryoga-chan's relief. She looked at her reflection. The make-up _had_ to go.
After vigorous scrubbing, her face was finally make-up free. Now for the clothes. The skirt and shirt were no problem. However, being confronted with the task of having to remove female undergarments for the first time, Ryoga-chan was at a loss. She glared at her reflection, trying to figure out how the hell to undo the bra. "I _know_ there's a hook somewhere..." she growled, turning around and looking over her shoulder. "How the hell am I supposed to reach it though?"
She jumped around as the door slid open. "Hi, I _thought_ you'd come back...." Ukyo began. She stopped talking and rubbed her eyes, then looked again. Still not able to believe it, Ukyo's mind went through a checklist.
Ryoga.
Check.
In girl form.
Check.
Wearing stockings, suspenders, bra and panties.
Check.
And posing in front of the mirror.
Check.
Her face turned a very interesting colour and she advanced on her fiance. "YOU...."
Ryoga-chan began to back away quickly. "Ucchan, please, hear me out..."
"PERVERT!!!!" She swung with the spatula.
Ryoga-chan dodged somehow, and continued babbling. "It's not what it looks like, really!" *Stop making excuses and run!*
"KEEP STILL AND LET ME KILL YOU!!!!" The spatula swung in deadly arcs, but failed to make a connection. Ukyo cursed. His smaller and faster female side was just TOO good at dodging. *OK, time to change tactics,* Ukyo decided. She lowered the spatula. "I'm sorry."
Ryoga-chan stopped and blinked. "Huh?"
*WHOCK*POW*CLANNNNNNNNNG*
Ukyo glared at the hole in the roof. *Urg! What a pervert!! I can't believe I was worried about him!!!*
And Ryoga-chan found herself hurtling through the sky again.
~~~~~
Ranma-chan dragged herself out of the pond and glared at her panda parent. "You. Are. Dead!!!"
Akane watched from the porch as Ranma-chan and Genma exchanged blow after blow, Ranma-chan even holding off Happosai at various intervals as the lecherous old man made constant grabs for her chest. *The second this is over, he's eating the breakfast I cooked for him, whether I have to force feed him or not!*
The end came sooner than she expected when a small girl fell out of the sky, her head connecting with Ranma-chan's. They both fell into the pond with a loud *SPLASH*.
Ryoga-chan (Yup! It was her!) groaned and rubbed her head. "Ouchie... what did I land on?" She looked around, the pain in her head making the aches and pains in the rest of her body seem like nothing. She frowned. Actually, apart from her headache, everywhere else stopped hurting. That was ...strange...
"Ryoga?"
She looked around, startled. "A-Akane!" *Just my luck!* she thought bitterly. *She's going to think I'm the biggest pervert in the history of the universe!* "I-I..."
Another person sat up next to her, spitting out water. "Ow ow ow ow ouch! I hurt all over..."
"Ryoga, are you all right?" Akane knelt down by the pond.
"I'm fine..."
The next thing Akane did was to be scarred into her memory for all eternity. She whipped out her large mallet and whacked Ryoga-chan over the head with it. Hard. Ryoga-chan found herself with her nose embedded in the concrete. "Ow!" She looked at Akane, puzzled and hurt. "What did you do that for?!!"
"Butt out Ranma. I wasn't talking to you!"
A nasty feeling of dread flooded through her veins and she turned around to look at Ranma-chan. A Ranma-chan wearing a bandanna, a look of horror and not much else. She looked down at herself.
Red Chinese shirt
Black pants
And hanging over her shoulder was a red pigtail.
There was a few seconds of silence as the two gender-malfunctioned martial artists gazed at each other, doing very convincing goldfish acts. (Y'know? Opening and shutting their mouths with a gormless look on their faces?) Ryoga-chan was torn between pulling a Soun Tendo major A+ weepy or a Kodachi/ Jinnai patent loonylaugh. Before she could decide, a small figure glomped onto Ranma-chan's bra-clad chest. "SWEETO!!!"
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!! GETOFFMEEEEE!!!!!!!" She threw him through the air and grabbed hold of Ryoga-chan by the hand. "We need to talk," she whispered through gritted teeth, dragging her into the Dojo, to the bathroom.
Nabiki chuckled and patted her camera. "Well Ryoga my friend, these pictures will certainly help pay off a little more of your debt to Daddy." Now all she had to do was try and find out exactly why Ryoga was wearing nothing but lingerie.
~~~~~
"Why am I wearing this?!!!" Ranma-chan snarled, looking at her reflection. Except it wasn't her face looking out at her, it was Ryoga-chan's. She ripped off the scanty underwear and jumped into the hot water.
Ryoga-chan sat down in the water next to him. "Kolkhoz high fashion club."
Ranma grimaced. "Say no more." Amazing what a strong grip a woman in pursuit of high fashion was capable of. Then he frowned. "Scratch that. Why do I look like you? And why do you look like me?" He winced a little as pain flooded through his body. "You couldn't wait until you were feeling better before taking over my body? It hurts all over!"
Ryoga glared at him. It was very strange, to turn to someone and see them wearing your face. However, the experience with R-C, R-D and R-A had make it a little easier for him than for Ranma. "You act like I've done this on purpose!" He looked thoughtful. "Maybe it was where I landed on your head." He smirked. "Maybe you should go and get Ukyo to whack you through the air back here."
"ME?!! Get real, I'm in enough pain as it is." Ranma winced again. "I feel like I've been put through a mangle."
"Well that's because of your friendly little joke involving Doc Tofu and Kasumi yesterday," Ryoga growled. "How does it feel to know how much pain that lovesick idiot inflicted on me because of you?"
Ranma looked guilty. "I-I'm sorry... ouch..." He rubbed his back. Or Ryoga's back. Well, it was Ryoga's back but now it was his. Man, this was confusing. He stood up and wrapped a towel around himself. "I can't take this. Keep still, I'm going to knock our heads together. If that doesn't work, maybe Doctor Tofu can help." He rolled his shoulders painfully. *I am never going to wish Kasumi love pain on anyone ever again!*
Ryoga nodded and waited. A little nagging thought started poking for attention. *Uh... Ryoga, I don't wanna disturb you or anything, but don't you love Akane?*
*Umm.... yes? Why?*
Ranma got ready to charge.
*Who's Akane engaged to?*
"Ranma.*
Ranma ran forward, head lowered to meet Ryoga's.
*Uh... who's body are you currently wearing?*
*Ra... oh. OH!* Ryoga moved to the side and Ranma found himself headbutting ceramic tiles.
"OW!" He glared at Ryoga, who was sporting a big grin. "Whatcha do that for, you lughead?!!"
"I'm engaged to Akane." The grin grew wider. "_I'M_ engaged to AKANE!!!"
Ranma's eyes widened. "Uh... Ryoga?"
Ryoga jumped out of the bath and pulled on Ranma's clothes. "Have fun Ranma! Don't make Ucchan too mad at you!"
Ranma watched him, incredulous as he stalked out of the room. Then he grinned. He'd soon find out that Akane was no bed of roses. And this body, damaged as it was, would let him get free meals from his two ex-fiancees. "Ucchan, Shampoo, edible food... here I come!!!"
End Part X
Final song - Just The Way You Are
====================
PART XI
More than just a pretty face.
====================
"Hey, Akane?" Ryoga turned a corner in search of her.
*KAPOW*
"Ouch." Embedded in the ground, he reached up and felt the outline of a mallet. *Found her.* Oh well, at least it didn't hurt as much as being clanged over the head with a giant metal spatula.
*WHAM*
"JERK!!!"
Well maybe it did. Ranma's body wasn't as tough as his own was. He sat up slowly and rubbed the back of his head. "Please don't do that," he pleaded.
Akane's eyes widened in surprise. Her calling Ranma a jerk was usually followed by him calling her an uncute tomboy, then her grinding him into the floor or sending across town via airmail. She looked at him closely ... he looked OK physically... Well, breakfast was getting colder by the minute. She grabbed him by the hand and dragged him to the kitchen. "Come on you. I made you breakfast."
This was followed by complete silence. Not good. Not good at all. Ranma made a point of ALWAYS criticizing her cooking. Him not criticizing her cooking was like Nabiki not charging for information or Kasumi getting angry. "Ranma, do you feel well?" she asked, turning to look at him.
Ryoga looked down to where she was holding his hand. He wouldn't have cared if she force fed him everything she'd ever 'cooked' as long as she kept holding his hand.
"Ranma?" Akane was worried now. Ryoga still didn't respond. She waved a hand in front of his eyes. "Ranma?" Well, Akane knew one way to wake him up. She picked up a plate and lifted a spoonful of the blue-green yellow-flecked substance she was fooled into believing was food and popped it into his mouth.
Ryoga changed his mind as he was forced to swallow whatever the stuff was. Definitely not one of her better attempts, he noted, eyes watering. He felt even worse than he had in his own body!! "W-wa-water..." he gasped, groping frantically for the table. The next thing he knew, it had slammed him in the back of the head.
~~~~~
Ranma hummed to himself as he wandered in search of Ucchan's okonomiyaki. Luckily, he still had his own sense of direction, even though he was wearing the lost boy's body. He made a note of his plans for the day. *1, get food from Ucchan. 2, get food from Shampoo. 3, muck up that idiot Ryoga's life by flirting outrageously with every girl he could find and 4, get his own body back and leave Ryoga to face an angry Ucchan and Shampoo.* That sounded good to him. Who knows what Ryoga was doing with his own body?
A little part of his mind paged him for attention, then whispered how nice it would be if Ryoga could just decrease the level of hostility Akane usually used against him. After all, that would definitely be what Ryoga was trying to do if he was going to be engaged to the girl of his dreams. Then when he got his own body back... then maybe... just maybe they could make things work out. He hated to admit it, but if he was going to be stuck with just one violent fiancee, Akane was probably the one he would've chosen
However, if Ryoga made Akane more friendly towards him, then shouldn't he be helping Ryoga? Besides, what if they couldn't get their own bodies back? He'd be stuck in this body forever! *Time for plan 2. Numbers 3 and 4 are revised to 3, decrease the level of hostility Ucchan has started using against Ryoga and 4, get his own body back.* Then him and Akane would be happy because they weren't fighting, and Ryoga and Ukyo would be happy because they weren't fighting. Ranma had often wondered lately why his two best friends didn't stop fighting each other and admit there was an attraction there. Ah well. Ranma could always charm Ukyo. Then Ryoga would have a happy fiancee when he got back, and hopefully, so would he. Everything would be settled.
"HIBIKI, PREPARE TO DIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!"
Ranma dodged the eggs flying his way and landed on a brick wall. *Of course, there would always be good old Mousse to fight every now and then. He smirked arrogantly. He was still Ranma Saotome. And Ranma Saotome never loses.
~~~~~
"Ow... ow...ow..." Ryoga marked each step down the hall with a small 'ow' of pain. Akane had smashed him over the head with a table. And he hadn't done anything to deserve it! Sure, he knew she could be short tempered sometimes, and a leeeeeetal over- reactive.... maybe Ranma didn't always start the fights. *If I wanted to be smashed over the head, I'd go back to Ucchan's!* he grumbled inwardly. Akane was usually so nice to him! *Well, I guess I'd better go do something Ranma never does.* And one thing he knew she wished Ranma would do - was apologize. "Ow... ow...ow..."
Finally he was standing outside Akane's room, looking at the duck name-plate. He raised a hand cautiously. *Well... here goes nothing..." He knocked.
After what felt like an eternity of waiting, the door finally opened. "Ranma. What do you want?" Akane growled, poised to slam the door in his face.
Ryoga gulped. Akane and her mallet were a scary couple. "I-I just wanted to say... I'mshry..." he mumbled, looking at the floor.
Akane looked puzzled. "What did you say, Ranma?"
Ranma. That was his name for now, he'd have to remember that. "I-I said... I'm sorry. F- for not eating the breakfast you made for me." He kept his gaze locked on the floor. If she booted him through the roof, he'd try and switch back with Ranma, then never comment on her cooking. Ever.
Akane was stunned. "W-w-what?" She blinked a little. "Y-you mean that?!" Ranma and humility were a rare mixture. Then again, she didn't know it wasn't Ranma in front of her.
Ryoga nodded. "Yeah." He was hit by inspiration. "Hey, Akane, why don't we make some cookies together?" *Pleasedon'thitme,pleasepleaseplease!!!!* He decided he was developing a phobia to being hit. If she pulled that mallet out, he was going to run. At least Akane was predictable. She'd usually shout RANMA, YOU JERK!!!!, which was an obvious give away that the mallet was about to make an appearance. With Ukyo it was just, 'Hi' *CLANG* with no warning.
Akane blinked for a second, doing the goldfish impression, before smiling at Ryoga happily. "You're offering to cook with me?"
"Y-yeah."
Big grin. "OK then."
Ryoga was happy for a record breaking 2 seconds (Now, is that sarcasm or serious? Take your pick!) before Akane brought him back down to earth with one word.
"Ranma."
~~~~~
*That was almost too easy,* Ranma though with a smirk, walking towards Ucchan's. With his skill and the phenomenal strength Ryoga's body possessed, maybe things wouldn't be so bad. If only he didn't hurt so much. *If I'm going to be stuck in Ryoga's body for any more time, I'm going to _have_ to go back to Doc Tofu's and get something!* He was _never_ _ever_ going to push anyone into a room occupied by Doctor Tofu and Kasumi _ever_ again. Plus, this claw guy had _really_ torn up his side. He should've known it would take some real work to bring Ryoga to his knees.
He slid open the door to Ucchan's and licked his lips in anticipation of an edible breakfast.
*CLANG*
"WHERE THE HELL HAVE YOU BEEN, PERVERT?!!!!!"
"Ouch..." Jeez! Ucchan could really swing hard with that thing!!! He slowly climbed to his feet, trying to get his bearings.
*CLANG*
"Don't ignore me!!!"
Ranma climbed back to his feet painfully. "Ow... Ucchan, _please_ could you not hit me with that thing for a while? I'm in kinda a lot of pain."
Ukyo looked concerned. "Really?"
"Mm hmm."
She darted forward and poked him. "Like here?"
"OW!"
"And here?"
"STOP IT!!!!"
"And here? Here?"
Then she made the mistake of poking him where the bonbori had struck. Ranma's eyes widened in pain and he collapsed on the floor. "AHHHH!!!! OWWWWW!!!!! THAT _HURTS_!!!!!!"
Ukyo's fake concern melted into real concern. "Uh.......... Ryoga? Are you all right?"
"No." Ranma hadn't felt this much pain since he'd attempted to eat one of Akane's more creative creations. You'd have figured he'd be wary of it when it started to wriggle off his fork, but he'd eaten it anyway. "I feel like someone's ripping me in half," he muttered, trying to pull himself back to his feet. He guiltily remembered poking Ryoga there yesterday, and had laughed at him when he cried out. *Who would think with a rake-head could do so much damage?* he wondered. Looking down he could see blood beginning to stain the shirt he was wearing where the stitches had broken again.
Ukyo narrowed her eyes. "OK. I'm going to close the restaurant for the rest of the day and call Doctor Tofu. Kasumi isn't likely to turn up here." She pointed a finger at him. "You, go upstairs and rest." She stood poised, battle spatula at the ready to whack his lights out if he even thought about arguing with her, as he was ...
"OK Ucchan."
... certain to do. "What?" Ukyo blinked a few times. "What did you say?!!"
Ranma smiled at her. "Hey, I'm agreeing with you here!!" He leaned on the counter for support.
Ukyo looked flustered. Ryoga _always_ argued with her, insisting that he didn't need any help and generally being stubborn. If he was agreeing this easily.... she began to feel a bit guilty about kicking him through the roof.
And the smile. Ryoga almost never smiled, not at her. He'd smiled at Aiko a lot, but since she'd died, cheerful, natural smiles were rare, few and far between. And wow, did they make him look cute!
After a few moments of the goldfish impression (My my. Everyone's an expert.) she finally became aware of a hand waving in front of her face. "What?! What?!" she blustered, trying to hide the blush creeping onto her face.
"You were just staring into space. Are you all right?" Ranma looked curiously at her.
Ukyo laughed a little. "I'm fine. Now go! Go rest!"
~~~~~
Ryoga slowly backed away from the bowl, with a knife in his hand. "On the count of three, mash it. 1, 2, 3!"
Akane whipped out her mallet, ran forward and whacked a number of flaming tentacles, before retreating. Ryoga moved in and began hacking at the monstrosity. Once again, the creature retreated to the depths of the soggy mixture sitting in the bowl, with bubbling blooping sucking noises. Ryoga cautiously poked it with the knife. "Think we got it?"
"KEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEYMAAAAASTEEEEERRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!" With a roar, tentacles exploded out of the bowl and wrapped themselves around him. Ryoga freaked. "AAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!! GETITOFF!!!!! GETITOFFGETITOFFGETITOFF!!!!!!!!!!!" he screamed, trying to fight his way free.
Akane looked at it carefully. "I think it needs a little more salt." Calmly, she picked up the salt shaker and emptied the contents into the bowl. The creature instantly vanished and Ryoga fell to the ground. He immediately armed himself with an even vaster quantity of cutlery, just in case...
Akane picked up a large wooden spoon and began mixing cheerfully. "I _knew_ that would do the trick!" she exclaimed gleefully.
Ryoga thought for a second, trying to search for words that wouldn't have him flying through the ceiling. How did she do it? He could see half of the stuff she added before his view was obscured by flour, but how could her cooking move? Attack him? And her be totally unfazed?!!! He was on mallet guard. "Uh... Akane, can give you a little tip?"
Akane narrowed her eyes. "OK then Ranma. Shoot."
"Now please don't take this the wrong way or anything, I mean it nicely, so please don't hit me again..."
"Ranma, you're babbling." Akane crossed her arms. "Tip."
Ryoga took a deep breath. "When the food starts to move on it's own, the best thing to do is to start again. Really."
Akane considered this for a moment, along with whether she should mallet him for daring to give her a tip. After a while, she decided to let him live. He hadn't insulted her (unusual), he'd asked before giving her advice, (very unusual) and the advice _did_ give seemed to make sense. (as unusual as frogs appearing on the moon.) Food should be alive in presentation, not alive and trying to set up home in the kitchen. She tipped the bowl full of ....stuff into the dustbin, before starting again. "OK. 1 cup sugar...."
Ryoga's eyes widened as he saw her reach for washing powder. "STOP!"
Akane whipped out the mallet and advanced on him menacingly. "What, Ranma?"
*I _really_ don't like that mallet,* Ryoga thought. He laughed nervously. "Umm, Akane, you know I'm only trying to help," he explained. He reached over and gently removed the box of washing powder from her grasp. "We have all the time we want, so before you add something, check to make sure it really is what you think it is."
Akane looked at the box and sighed. "Yes Ranma." Ranma was actually handing out _good_ advice. There was definitely something wrong here. Oh well. Maybe it was just the effects of her unsuccessful attempt at breakfast. If only she hadn't thrown it away.... ah well. Besides, this new Ranma filled with good advice kinda spooked her.
Ryoga continued with his advice. "How about, I gather all the ingredients and put them in front of you? And you promise not to use anything else but those ingredients?"
"OK Ranma." After a moment, Akane tipped a bag of flour into the bowl and made a solemn vow to make the best cookies in the world.
Well, best edible cookies she possibly could. And Ranma could be her guinea pig.
End part XI
Final song - The Strangest Thing
=============
PART XII
Hubble Bubble
Double Trouble.
=============
"Hey Ucchan, how about some more of that soup?"
Ranma gave Ukyo that incredible grin again and she turned away, momentarily flustered. "I-I ah... yeah, sure thing, Ryoga," she mumbled, rushing out of the room.
With a little giggle, Ranma turned the radio up a little. This was nice, being fussed over. He didn't often get a chance to relax, without various people (i.e.: MARTIAL ARTISTS!!!!!!!!!!!) disturbing the peace. He could really get used to this.... *Stop thinking along those lines. NOW!* he told himself sternly. No matter how much fun this was, he intended to get his own body back before either Ukyo or Akane got suspicious. He could try and talk rationally to Ryoga and show him that if he stopped being so stubborn about letting Ucchan help him, she wasn't as violent with the spatula. Very hopefully, Ryoga would be able to tell him how to stop Akane getting so fond of mallet- smashing him. *At the least, after a little time dealing with Akane's cooking, Happosai's water splashing tendencies, Mr Tendo's weepy fits and my Pop, he probably won't be quite as eager to fight over Akane.* Not that he liked the dumb tomboy or anything, but with no (OK then, a little) interference from his ex-fiancees, it would've been nice if he still didn't have Ryoga and Kuno to deal with. *Not that she knows Ryoga likes - liked her.* He grinned at Ukyo again as she came in, causing her to blush again. "Thanks, Ucchan. You're a great cook!"
Ukyo blinked and sent him a suspicious look. "Do you feel well?"
"Can't I compliment my own fiancee once in while?" Ranma replied with another grin. *Careful, don't want to be _too_ out of character or she'll suspect.*
Ukyo flushed and looked at floor, unsure of how to respond. However, a god (of some sort) was smiling down on her. Maybe laughing maniacally at the chaos they were stirring up, but smiling never the less.
"HIBIKI, PREPARE TO DIE!!!!!!!!"
Ranma side-stepped the dustbin and prepared to attack it. Unfortunately, that was the moment that the Neriman Aquatransformable Water Law sprung into action.
205: Neriman Aquatransformable Water Law.
1. The worst possible type of water must only strike those Jusenkyo cursed and at the 2. worst possible times. Preferably at a rate of about 17 times an hour. E.g. : It will always rain very suddenly, without warning on a previously very sunny day, just when persons who are better off not knowing of your cursed form are present. This is nothing to do with Luck, Fate or Destiny, (who all get annoyed when they're blamed) but was created by the almighty Takahashi goddess who created many other cosmic laws to upset logic.
Ranma ran forward.
*SPLASH*
Ranma-chan instantly tripped over her ludicrously large trousers and found herself nose first on the floor. Tsubasa took the moment to, as said, kick 'em while they're down. And that bandaged part looked very vulnerable.
*WHACK*
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH HHHHH!!!!!!!!"
Outside, a mother tutted and removed the water pistol from her sons grasp. "How many times have I told you not to squirt that thing through peoples windows?!!" she scolded angrily.
Ukyo had finally had enough. "TSU...BA...SAAAAA......"
The dustbin turned to her and sprouted a head. Tsubasa grinned. "Ukyo, darling! I've defeated this hounder, let's go on a date!"
Ukyo flared and reached for her spatula. "He's my FIANCE you idiot!!!!!"
Tsubasa blinked. "Uh oh."
*CLANG*CLANG*CLANG*CLANG*CLANG*CLANG*CLANG*CLANG*CLANG *CLANG*
Ukyo ended by sending him flying through the window and into orbit. Then she ran over to Ranma-chan's side. "Ryoga, are you OK?"
"No," Ranma-chan whimpered. *I want to crawl under a rock and die.*
"What hurts?"
"My pride." She carefully climbed to her knees and sighed. "You didn't have to do that, really."
"I SAVE YOUR ASS AND _THIS_ IS HOW YOU THANK ME?!!!!!"
Oops. Ranma-chan backed away hurriedly. "No! Um, thanks, really! It's just..."
*CLANG*
~~~~~
Ryoga looked at the cookie dubiously. It looked relatively normal, but that was hardly any consolation. Akane fixed him with her best menacing glare. "Eat it, Ranma." The mallet appeared in her grasp. "Now."
Ryoga sighed. "I'm eating it, I'm eating it." He sniffed it. It _smelled_ normal enough. But this was Akane who'd cooked it. True, wandering around the world and entering countries with very strange eating habits had helped him to work up the nerve to eat almost anything that wasn't currently trying to wriggle off his fork, but she'd created new life forms, for pete's sake! Even when he'd lined up all the ingredients in a row! Creatures with glowing eyes and big teeth and a big appetite to match. And there's nothing quite like giant slug-like creatures chasing around the kitchen to make you lose your appetite.
"Eat."
"In a moment." Ryoga wondered whether it would hurt more to eat the cookie or let her hit him. He eyed the cookie again. *A few minutes ago this thing grabbed me by the ankle and tripped me over.* With that thought in mind, he quickly decided on the latter. *At least Ucchan's cooking never hurts me. Only her.* He tried to think of a way to refuse the cookie without getting _too_ hurt. It was difficult. "Uh, Akane?"
"Yes, Ranma?"
*This is going to hurt!* It was that or eat the cookie. "Why don't you try one first?"
*KABLAM*
"RANMA YOU JERK!!!!!" Akane glared after his flying form then started to cry. *I made those just for you!* A thump from outside yanked her out of her small bout of self pity. "Ryoga?"
Ranma-chan gave a small moan of pain and sat up. "Hi Akane.... Akane!" She jumped to her feet. "What's the matter?!!"
Akane sniffled. "It's nothing much."
Ranma-chan narrowed her eyes. "Was it R...Ranma?"
Tears welled up in Akane's eyes again. "He was being nice, but then he was mean about my cooking..." She buried her head in her hands. "Doesn't he realize I'm cooking for him? Because I care about him?" She looked up at Ranma-chan. "I just want to be a good wife. Is that too much to ask?"
"I...uh... well, I..." Absently, she toyed with her bandanna. *She cares about me?!! But if Ryoga can't make her happy as me, what chance do _I_ have?* She paused. *Then again, I didn't really much of a difference to Ucchan..." She paused for a while longer. *What am I thinking? He made Akane cry, now he dies!!!* "Ry...Ranma! Prepare to die!!"
Akane quickly grabbed the back of her shirt. "That's OK Ryoga. Why don't I take you back to Ukyo's now?"
"U-Ucchans?" Ranma-chan began sweating profusely. *But she hates me! She'll beat me up again and I hurt all over already!* "N-n-no, that's all right. I'll just..."
"Come on." Akane grabbed her by the wrist and dragged the protesting Ranma-chan along the pavement. "Ukyo will be missing you."
*Yeah. She'll have no-one to target practice on.* Ranma-chan could hardly believe that her best friend could be so violent to her other sort-of friend. *I guess Ryoga doesn't exaggerate as much as I thought.* Well, at least Ukyo couldn't bludgeon hi...her here.
*CRASH*
Ranma-chan pushed the large dustbin off herself and kicked it back into orbit with a growl. "Someone up there really hates me and is laughing right now."
Akane laughed. "Silly."
"AKANE TENDO!! BANDANNAED GIRL!! I WOULD DATE WITH THEE BOTH!!!"
"You could have a point, actually."
~~~~~
Ryoga crash landed outside Ucchans, leaving a small crater in the pavement. *Why do I seem to be spending my entire day riding the air currents between here and the Tendo Dojo? And when did Akane become so over-reactive?!!* he grumbled inwardly as he scrambled to his feet. A particular dustbin slammed into him, knocking him over again, then it climbed to it's feet, (Feet?!!) and wailed, "Fear not, my darling Ukyo-megami, I'll get rid of this Ryoga person who's been hounding you... oh, hi Ranma."
"TSUBASA, GET LOST!!!!"
*CLANG*
Ryoga was pleasantly surprised when the rush of air and metallic clang were not followed by a long headache and a short trip via airmail across Tokyo. Well, they were, but not for him, which was nice. He was even more pleasantly surprised to have Ukyo drag him back inside the restaurant after greeting him with a quick hug and not a quick swing of the spatula. (Sensing any underlying paranoia about the spatula yet?) Then he spotted her red eyes. "Ucchan? Are you all right?"
Ukyo sniffed. "Y-yeah, I'm fine. Hey, Ranchan, wanna okonomiyaki?" she said, quickly changing the subject.
Ryoga frowned. "Tell me what's wrong. Really." Then he remembered he was supposed to be Ranma, and quickly gave her a (hopefully) convincing grin. "Over okonomiyaki."
~~~~~
Bunny looked at her reflection and burst into tears again. Mina sighed and rubbed her temples. "Bunny, your hair looks fine."
"WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHH!!!!!! Darian's never going to look at me agaaaaaaaaain!!!!!" Fresh tears spouted from the blond girls eyes.
Luna sighed and pretended she wasn't there. Mina hugged her friend and handed her numerous pieces of tissue. "Honest, it looks fine..."
The sobs increased in pitch as Bunny buried her head in her arms. "WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I LOOK AWWWWWWFUL!!!!!"
Raye growled at her. "Bunny, please shut up before I seal your mouth up with a ward."
Mina had a sudden brainwave. "Let's go boywatching!"
"B-but my hair..."
"That way we'll get a second opinion," Mina pointed out. "Maybe even a spare boyfriend."
Bunny smiled slightly. "That Magical Guy Makoto was very cute though."
Mina nodded in agreement. "Next time I meet him, I'm going to have to thank him for saving my life."
"He saved everybody's lives," Raye reminded them in a bored voice. "Honestly, you lot are just boy mad."
"I just wanna thank him!" Mina protested.
Bunny glanced at her blue haired friend who was sitting nearby. "Hey, Amy, get any info on him?"
Amy nodded. "It's not much info, though. As little as there was of Sailor V."
Mina grinned. "Best way to not get caught."
Amy ignored her. "Him and his sister, Ryoko, appeared quite recently battling against a new outbreak of demons in the area of Nerima."
"What's so special about Nerima?" asked Lita, doodling little love hearts around pictures of the Backstreet Boys, Matt Le Blanc and Magical Guy Makoto that were pasted to her exercise book.
"It has an obnoxiously large martial artist population."
~~~~~
"He's just such a stubborn jackass," Ukyo grumbled to Ryoga, who was fighting to eat all of the okonomiyaki she was churning out. "I'm only trying to help the guy and he throws it all back at me. I don't know why I bother sometimes. The jerk just doesn't appreciate me."
Ryoga managed to clear his mouth long enough to blurt out "that's not true!" before another tower of okonomiyaki was placed in front of him. *Yikes! How does Ranma eat all of this?!!*
Ranma-chan proved how twenty seconds later when she bounced into the restaurant and wolfed down the okonomiyaki mountain before getting clouted over the head by Ukyo. "OW!"
"That's Ranchan's, you jackass!" Ukyo yelled, peeling the spatula from her skull.
"Sorry," Ranma-chan groaned. Ryoga nudged her with his foot. "Wimp."
*WHAM*
"STOP PICKING ON RYOGA!!!!" Akane yelled, putting her trusty mallet back into whatever dimensional pocket it came from. Probably the same place as her cooking, actually.
Ranma-chan allowed herself a small snigger as Ryoga found himself embedded in the grill until the metal spatula of doom whacked her over the back of the head. "Don't laugh at Ranchan!" Ukyo growled. "And go get some hot water or something, you pervert."
"M'not a pervert," Ranma-chan muttered under her breath, heading for the kitchen.
"What did you say?!" Ukyo snarled.
"Nothing!" Ranma-chan scuttled into the kitchen and waited for the kettle to boil. *Argh! I can't take much more of this! There has to be a way to may Ucchan stop beating me up! She's more violent than Akane!!!*
A piece of paper on the kitchen counter caught her eye. Curious, Ranma-chan picked it up and scanned it. *Congratulations Mr Hibiki, you have won two movie passes. Valid until the end of the month.* She narrowed her eyes. *I'll bet he was planning to ask Akane.*
*poof*
A small devil appeared on Ranma-chan's shoulder. "You're in Ryoga's body so ask Ucchan to go with you!"
*poof*
An angel appeared on Ranma-chan's other shoulder. "You shouldn't - it's not yours."
"That has to be one of he most pathetic argument's you've come up with," the little devil snarled. Then he grinned. "Besides, we're doing lost boy a favour."
The angel crossed his arms. "Explain."
"We will be breaking the ice for those two, Ucchan will stop beating him up and they'll be out of me and Akane's way." He smirked.
The angel blinked. "You've twisted it. I don't know how you did it, but you twisted it."
*poof*
*poof*
Ranma-chan grinned and picked up the kettle. *Thank you, voice of inner reasoning!* Pausing only to run upstairs and grab a new change of clothing, Ranma raced back into the main part of the restaurant. "Hey, Ucchan?"
"Hmm?" Ukyo spared him a glance.
"Wanna go to the cinema with me tonight?" Three totally shocked faces started at him until the one belonging to Ukyo managed to stammer out, "W-wha... you mean, like on a d-date?!"
Ranma grinned. "Yeah. I got free movie passes."
Ukyo attempted thinking. Her brain returned the request with an error message and advised her to wait a few moments longer before trying again. *Ryoga's asking _me_ on a date? What do I do?!* She tried to concentrate on the part of her mind screaming 'Ranchan! What about Ranchan?! You love Ranchan! Say no!' but for some reason it kept getting drowned out by the part saying 'Ranma dumped you, remember? He's not your fiance, Ryoga is. It's not like you'd be doing anything wrong, and besides, he's not that bad. It's only one little date...' "Tonight?" she asked, stalling for time.
Ranma nodded. "I thought we could see 'Rush Hour' or something."
He grinned again, and Ukyo felt her resolve weakening. "R-Rush Hour?"
"Yeah. But we can go see something else if you want to." Suddenly, Ryoga leaned forward, knocking a glass of water over him. "Hey! I just changed back!"
"Sorry," Ryoga lied. "Let's go boil the kettle again." He dragged Ranma-chan over to the kitchen and shut the door before whirling around to face her. "What on earth are you doing?!!!" he hissed.
"Waiting for the kettle to boil," Ranma-chan said innocently.
"You know what I mean!" Ryoga glared at her. "I mean this date thing!"
"I'm just asking my fiancee out on a date. Whassa matter, P-Chan?" Ranma-chan teased. "Jealous?"
Ryoga fumed. "I am _not_ jealous! You can keep her for all I care!" He paused and rewound her statement back through his memory to the beginning. *Asking my fiancee out on a date... I'm Akane's fiance now...* He turned and walked out of the room with a widening grin on his face. "Akane?"
Akane looked at him. "Yes Ranma?"
Ryoga took a deep breath. "Ra.. Ryoga was just saying how much fun it would be if we double dated with him and Ucchan tonight. How about it?" *If she say's no, that mean's I have a chance when I get back into my own body. And if she says yes...* Well if she said yes, he'd _never_ let Ranma have his body back!
Akane looked at him in total amazement before a smile appeared on her face. "OK, Ranma." She glanced at Ukyo. "Is that OK with you, Ukyo?"
Ukyo still had a look of shock on her face as she slowly nodded. "Yeah..."
Ranma ran out of the kitchen to Ryoga's side, still clutching the kettle. "What?!! What's going on?!"
Ryoga gave him a wide grin and opened his mouth to gloat. "..."
"Hi there!"
Ranma screamed and dropped the kettle on the floor as Skuld popped out of it with a grin. "Sorry I took so long, Mister Bug Zapper broke down and I had to repai..." She trailed off and looked from Ranma to Ryoga then back again. Then, without warning, she grabbed them by the hair and knocked their heads together.
"OW!" Ryoga yelped.
"WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT FOR?!!!!" Ranma rubbed the back of his head, then stopped as a familiar pigtail brushed against his hand. "What?"
"Feeling... more yourself?" Skuld asked with a grin. She picked up her long handled mallet from the floor and tucked it back into it's holder. "Shouldn't happen again."
Ryoga jumped to his feet. "I need a mirror.." he mumbled, looking around before exiting the room. Ranma and Skuld ran after him to see him gloomily examining his reflection. "Thanks a bunch, Skuld. You couldn't have waited until tomorrow, could you."
"What's the matter? What's so special about tomorrow?" Skuld was puzzled.
Ranma sniggered. "He has a date tonight. So do I, actually." He fluttered his fingers at Ryoga. "Thanks for that."
"RANMA, PREPARE TO DIE!!!" Ryoga jumped to his feet and ran towards Ranma, who merely dodged and poked him in the side. "OW!" He clutched his side with a groan. He glowered at Ranma. "Well, I'll let you live for now, but you'd better treat Akane right!"
"Relax. You'll be there too, won't you." Ranma patted him on the back. "Things'll be fine."
~~~~~
Later that evening.
"SPATULA GIRL, I KILL!!!!!"
"SHAMPOO, NO!"
"AKANE TENDO! THE BLUE THUNDER OF FURINKAN HIGH SHALL SMITE THIS FIEND!!!"
*KABLAM*
"SHAMPOO, MY LOVE! RUN TO MY ARMS!!!"
*POW*
"UKYO, I LOVE YOU!"
"GET LOST, TSUBASA!!!!"
Ryoga glared at Ranma. "Things'll be fine, I believe you said."
Ranma glared back. "So I suck at fortune telling."
End Part XII
Final song - Nothing Lasts Forever
================
PART XIII
The eye of the storm.
================
"EEEEK!!!! PERVERT!!!!!" Shoko grabbed the shower rail and started beating the offending person, before stopping to examine him. "Magical Guy Makoto!!" She threw the rail over her shoulder and yanked Ryoga to his feet. "I'm sorry! Can I have your autograph? My friends will never believe this!!!"
Ryoga was thankful to a god others cursed for the fact that the girl had a towel wrapped around her. "Sorry, can't now, gotta job to do." He ran out of the room, only to be bopped over the head by an invisible mini-Skuld shouting "Not that way, this way!! Honestly, I thought I fixed your sense of direction!"
Shoko sighed happily. "What a dream..."
Her happy memory was disturbed by the arrival of a bona fide hentai leaping through her window with a cry of "Sweeto!"
"EEEEK!!!! PERVERT!!!!!"
Ryoga shook his head sadly and made his way to the roof. "So it's that squelching, squid- blob we're after?"
Skuld nodded. "I don't recognize it, but it's showing up on my scanners." The creature in question batted away the Hyperdoll flying towards it and stood on Sailor Jupiter. "I'll bet that hurt."
"Amazing how many super heroes in this city are female," Ryoga commented as Moldiver bounced off the creatures flesh with a audible boing. He flapped at a small, yellow butterfly and a small, localized rainstorm appeared over his head. "That's not funny." The rain turned to hail. With a growl, Ryoga-chan pointed her wand at the cloud and it faded out of existence.
"Stop moaning at the butterfly and kill the creature."
"Nag, nag, nag." Ryoga-chan bounced from building to building, almost crippling herself in her high heels, until she was directly above the monster. "HEY, SQUID!" The jellyfish thing looked up and almost passed out with a nosebleed. Ryoga-chan glowered at it. "PERVERT!!!!! CHAOS SHAN HIGH BLAST!" Eye of God and Star Trek pretty lights and sounds merged together and turned the squid-thing into enough fried calamari to feed the whole of Italy, Sicily included.
"Not bad," mini-Skuld commented. "You're getting better at this."
Ryoga-chan grinned a little. "Than...HEY!"
"HOTCHA!" Happosai glomped onto her leg.
"GET AWAY FROM ME!!!!" Ryoga-chan smashed him over the head with the wand a few times and a small vial of water fell from his clothes. "What's this?" She bent down and picked it up. "Nyannichuan water?"
*poof*
A small devil appeared on her shoulder, scaring the hell out of mini-Skuld. "Pour it over him!"
*poof*
A small angel appeared on her other shoulder and mini-Skuld massaged her head. "Uh.... I've got nothing to protest here, pour it over him!!"
"That's for the curse and for Aiko," Ryoga-chan snarled, emptying the vial over Happosai's head before booting her into the sky.
A panting, red-haired woman ran onto the roof, followed by a handsome young man. "Agents Mulder and Scully, FBI," the woman barked.
Mulder ran forward. "Take me to Samantha."
"Samantha?" Ryoga-chan asked weakly.
Scully pushed him aside. "Does she look like a green, mutant turtle to you?" She turned to Ryoga-chan. "How did you defeat that monster? What is your involvement in the government, cover-up?"
"Uh..."
"Have you seen four, mutant turtle aliens anywhere around town?" Mulder asked, shoving Scully aside.
"No..." Ryoga-chan flapped irritably at the butterflies flapping around her head.
"Would you shut up about that?!" Scully snapped. "There's a perfectly rational explanation for them."
A snow storm appeared above Ryoga-chan's head.
"Aliens!"
"Genetically engineered creatures!"
The snow storm turned into a full blown blizzard and Ryoga-chan pointed her wand at it.
"Stop that!" She glanced at the two arguing agents before jumping off the roof with a shrug. "Very strange people around here."
~~~~~
Shampoo was annoyed. What was it all the guys saw in these violent brunettes anyway? Everything they could do, she could do better. But last night, with her own eyes, she'd seen not only Ranma and Akane out on a date, but Ryoga and Ukyo too. It wasn't fair! *Maybe violent spatula girl bribe Ryoga into going on date...* After all, that was a technique she'd used on several occasions to get Ranma to date with her. It was also a technique she wasn't going to use any more, as it had a tendency to backfire. *Yes, spatula girl bribed Ryoga. Shampoo take him some nice ramen, show she forgive him.* That would be a nice thing to do, after all. With a widening smile, she prepared a delivery.
"Shampoo, my love! Where are you going?" Mousse asked.
"Go away, Mousse." Shampoo blocked him out as background noise.
"But we had no orders..."
"Shampoo said go away." She walked past him and out of the door.
Mousse stared after her. "She's going to see him again? But why?! He doesn't love her! He is unfaithful to her!" Thunder crashed in the background as Mousse raised his fist high. "Hibiki, YOU SHALL PAY!!!" He flapped at the small butterfly fluttering nearby. "Go away." A small lightning bolt shot out of the thundering clouds and struck him on the end of his nose. "Ow!"
"Keep it down, Mr Part Time, you're disturbing my meditation," Cologne grumbled. She slammed the door before he could detect the opening theme to El Hazard on the television set.
~~~~~
Tsubasa walked into the okonomiyaki restaurant before taking a seat. Ryoga-chan wandered over to her. "Are you here to eat?"
Tsubasa nodded. "I'll have a special."
"The gods must be smiling on me," Ryoga-chan muttered, noting down the order.
"And I'd like to talk to you."
"With maniacal grins and voodoo dolls," she finished. "Is that talk as in talk, or talk as in attempted murder?"
"As in talk!" Tsubasa snapped. He sighed and leaned on the table. "I don't think darling Ukyo likes me."
Well duh." Ryoga-chan shot him a dubious look. "What gave it away?"
Tsubasa ignored her comment and continued. "What is it though? What did she see in Ranma? What does she see in you? I mean, I..."
"Wait a second!" Ryoga-chan held up a hand. "She doesn't see anything in me."
"She went on a date with you, remember."
Ryoga-chan groaned. "I'm trying to forget. Things were going so well until you and Mousse and Kuno and Shampoo turned up. I was having fun... she didn't hit me once."
Tsubasa glared at him. "You don't have to rub it in!" He sighed. "I know she's engaged to you, and I'd give up on her. But she's so cute and kind and smart and a great cook..."
"Whatever." Ryoga-chan tapped her pen on the notebook, trying not to think about Ukyo. *Sure, Ucchan may be smart and c-cy-cute... but she's just so...* She finally focused on the enraged teen in front of her.
"You don't like her?!!" A battle aura flared around Tsubasa as he jumped to his feet.
"No! I-I mean yes! I mean..."
"CHARGE!!!!"
"DON'T ATTACK MY STAFF!!!" Ryoga-chan sighed in relief as a giant spatula sent Tsubasa hurtling across the restaurant. Her relief was short lived as the spatula crashed down upon her skull. "AND WHAT DO YOU MEAN, YOU DON'T LIKE ME?!!!"
"I _DO_ like you!" Ryoga-chan rubbed her head. "Those rare moments when you aren't trying to kill me, you can even be kinda kawaii. And I'm sorry the date didn't work out." She turned to walk away, but found her movement limited slightly by Ukyo's grip on the back of her uniform.
"What did you say?"
"I said... oh." Ryoga-chan paused and blushed. "I said that aloud? Hehehe ... umm... I've had my body taken over by an evil spirit doll? I've been hypnotized? Possessed by a demon?"
"That's not funny," Ukyo snapped, remembering the events of a few nights back. She turned Ryoga-chan to face her and smiled a little. "It's OK about the date."
Ryoga-chan looked at the floor. "I really am sorry. I didn't expect all those other people to turn up too."
"I said it's OK. Rush Hour's a popular film." She increased the radiance of her smile. "Better luck next time, yeah? Now back to work." She walked away quickly, leaving Ryoga-chan standing, slightly stunned in the center of the restaurant. *Oh my god! Did I really say that?!!*
"Nihao Ryoga, spatula girl!" Shampoo crashed through the doorway, flattening a few customers in the process. She walked over to the still-dazed Ryoga-chan with a grin. "You not get to eat ramen in hospital, I bring you some now."
She snapped out of her dream world and looked at Shampoo. "Oh. Thanks!"
"Is OK."
Mousse burst through the doorway. "SHAMPOO MY LOVE!" he wailed, glomping Tsubasa. "I'll save you!!"
"Who do you think you're calling Shampoo?!" Tsubasa growled.
"Sorry, miss." Mousse slipped his glasses back onto his nose. "HIBIKI?!! YOU DARE TO EAT THE FOOD OF MY DARLING SHAMPOO WHEN YOU FLAUNT AROUND WITH OTHER WOMEN?!!!" Weapons flew towards Ryoga-chan, who dropped her ramen in surprise. "YOU SHALL PAY!!!"
Kuno strode in. "My bandannaed goddess! My love for you shall conquer all!" He paused as a small, yellow butterfly alighted on his bokken. "Curse thee, winged traitor! You pass through my barriers unto the outside world and make thyself a public spectacle?" A hurricane wind ruffled his hair. "Ah, but the blue thunder of Furinkan high shall put thee back in thy place."
The lightning flashed through the blue sky outside and Ryoga-chan blinked in surprise. "Those butterflies... _that's_ how you manage it!!!"
"Ignore me, would you?!!" Mousse snarled, running forward.
Tsubasa joined him. "Your time has finally come!!!"
"My darling! Jump into my arms and let us flee together!!"
Ryoga-chan squeezed her eyes shut and a butterfly landed on her shoulder. Her mind filled with chaos and all of a sudden, she knew how it was done... "ICE STORM!!" An icy wind hit the three boys head on, causing them to immediately turn tail and flee before they became replicas of Frosty the snowman.
Ukyo blinked a few times. "How in the WORLD did you learn how to do that?!!"
"Uh..." Ryoga-chan tried to think of a reasonable excuse other than 'I learnt it from the butterflies.'
Skuld jumped to her rescue. "I taught him how. Useful, eh?"
"Very." Ukyo and Shampoo nodded in agreement.
~~~~~
*Nerima attracts some very strange people,* Ryoga-chan reflected, looking out of the window to the street outside. It was true, alien activity was more than 50% above the average, and monsters and super heroes attacked the city more times than there are parts to Friday the 13th. Once, a cat had walked in, introduced itself as Salem and announced that he wanted a special and to rule the world.
She idly wondered why she didn't get her family to wire Mr Tendo the money and start wandering again when a white rabbit carrying a baby with a cigar in its mouth charged past her view, shouting "I'm late!" closely followed by a blond haired girl in a blue dress, only to get squashed by a house falling on her head.
Another girl exited the house and sighed. "Toto, I don't think we're in Kansas anymore."
*Oh yeah. That's why. Whenever I leave the restaurant I get struck by lightning, trucks or grand piano's falling out of the sky.* Very strange. Nobody lived above Ucchan's and Ryoga-chan couldn't figure out where on earth that piano had come from. *Probably just an act of god to make sure I stick around to fight these weird demons.* Ryoga-chan shook her head and handed two plates to the guys in front of her. One was very tall and very serious look, and was wearing a pair of sunglasses despite the localized areas of freak weather. The other one looked more her age and Ryoga-chan was slightly pleased that he wasn't spending all his time with his eyes glued to her chest. "Your orders."
"Thanks, babe," the boy said idly. He switched his attention back to the tall man. "You need more attitude still, if you're gonna pass."
"No sweat, Jon," he said seriously. "Chill."
Jon grinned. "That's better."
The man stood up. "The T1000 is in the area. We should leave."
"Oh Shit!!"
Ryoga-chan looked at them both. "Leaving so soon?"
Jon reached into his pocket and handed her a fistful of notes. "We'll take the food with us - it looks great. That should cover it." He grinned. "This is a nice little place."
The tall man nodded solemnly. "Come on, Jon." He paused and looked at Ryoga-chan. "I'll be back." They both roared away on a motorcycle.
Ryoga-chan looked at the handful of notes and her eyes widened. "Wow... what a tip!" She shrugged and began serving again. Eventually there was a lull in activity and she sat down at the counter with a groan. "I'm beat."
Ukyo sniggered. "I thought you were a big strong man. Cantcha handle a few hours waitressing?" she teased.
Ryoga-chan glared at her. "I'm a girl right now," she mumbled. "Besides, when you first hired me, I had three other people helping me."
Ukyo pondered that remark for a second. "You're right. Maybe I should hire some more help." She patted Ryoga-chan on the shoulder. "Howzat sound?"
"Like heaven." She stood up and stretched. "_Please_ can I turn back to normal now?" she begged.
Ukyo thought about it for a moment before relenting. "OK. I'll close up now and get started on my homework."
Ryoga-chan gave her a big grin. "Thanks! I'm gonna change back and spar with Ranma." *And then Skuld's gonna tell me how I'm learning other peoples techniques.* There was no way she was going near Happosai or Cologne until she figured out how to stop it, otherwise she could end up having to steal underwear to get her strength. Not a happy prospect. But she wanted to try out some new tricks on Ranma. She turned her back on Ukyo, not noticing the chef's battle aura starting to glow. "It's been ages since I had a good fight."
*Oh, so he doesn't think I'm good enough to fight him?!!* Ukyo fumed. She tensed up, reaching for her spatula. "Ryoga, you JERK!" she howled, slamming the spatula into the ground where she'd been just a second before.
Except now, Ryoga-chan was a few feet away, with a big smirk on her face. "Nyah, you missed me," she taunted, wiggling her tongue at Ukyo. "Catch me if you caaaan!" With that, she raced up the stairs and into the bathroom, leaping through the mirror just before the spatula smashed down on the glass.
Ukyo stood panting in the bathroom. *Stupid, hentai JERK! I can't believe I actually agreed to go out with him last night!!* With a small sigh, she slumped down on the floor. (And I'm sorry the date didn't work out...) The words echoed through her mind. *I guess... I was having fun until it all went wrong...* she admitted to herself as she climbed back to her feet. (Y-y-you look really n-nice... wanna get some popcorn?) Expertly, she shoved the memory into the darkest corners of her mind, although for some reason, an image of Ryoga giving her an undeniably cute smile lingered in her minds eyes. She quickly replaced it with a picture of Ranma. *Ranchan... not that idiot Ryoga.* She looked at the mirror, beginning to fume all over again as she took in the fine spiderweb of cracks running through the glass. *This is all Ryoga's fault!* she decided, walking away. At least being mad at him helped block out the memory of him smiling at her. A little. *I must be ill, thinking of him.*
~~~~~
Ranma sighed happily and relaxed even lower into the hot water. "This is the life..." he murmured. After a few minutes of soaking, he reluctantly stood up and began to get dried and dressed before his father ate all the dinner again. He leaned forward to study his reflection in the mirror. He frowned. *When did I get green eyes?!* he wondered, then let out a yelp of terror as Ryoga-chan popped out of the mirror.
"Hey Ranma."
Ranma backed away, tripping over a bucket of cold water. She angrily flicked her red hair out of her eyes and glared. "What the hell are you tryna do, scare me to death?!!" she ranted.
Ryoga-chan thought for a second. "Original and effective. Maybe I should do that more often." She grinned slightly and landed on the floor. "Let's spar. We haven't had a good fight in ages."
Ranma-chan thought longingly of dinner. "Not now, Ryoga," she decided. *After all, if I don't eat now, I may be forced to eat Akane's cooking again!* She went to move past Ryoga-chan.
"Wait!" Ryoga-chan moved forward to block her path. "Come on, Ranma! What's the matter with you?!" She crossed her arms irritably. "What's the matter, scared I'll beat you?" she taunted. "Biii! Surely der big, bad Ranma Saotome isn't afwaid of widdle Ryoga-chan, is he?"
Ranma-chan turned a strange shade of purple. "Hey, you little...." She began, little crosses of annoyance appearing on her head. Then an image of Akane waving deadly weapons ... a mallet, and even worse, her home cooking, appeared in his mind. "Look, Ryoga, I'll fight you." She pushed past the smaller girl then turned to face her. "But not until _after_ dinner, you got that?"
"You're no fun," Ryoga-chan mumbled under her breath as she followed Ranma-chan to the kitchen.
Kasumi looked at them both and smiled. "Oh my. Ryoga, would you like to stay for dinner too?"
"N-no, that's OK..." Ryoga-chan stuttered, laughing nervously. "I mean, I already ate."
"But you're a growing boy," Kasumi smiled, completely oblivious to the fact that her statement happened to be untrue at the moment. "You need all your food, right?"
"Uh...hehe..." Ryoga-chan scratched the back of her head. "No, really, that's OK. I don't want to be a nuisance..."
Ranma-chan shook her head and placed the kettle on to boil. Kasumi continued to smile sweetly. "Really, I insist."
Ryoga-chan gave up. "Thanks, Kasumi. That's really nice of you."
She sat down next to Akane, who turned and smiled at her. "Hello Ryoga. You and Ukyo got home safely last night, didn't you?"
Ryoga-chan blinked. "Well, uh.. yeah.. hehehe..." She scratched the back of her head again with another nervous laugh, and tried to concentrate on Akane's face. For some reason, she kept seeing Ukyo in her mind, smiling at her... (Hey, sugar, I'll go with you.. after all, if normal people get lost in cinema's, imagine what would happen to you...) She shook her head and tried to focus on Akane. *I love Akane I love Akane I love Akane I love* she repeated firmly in her mind, gritting her teeth and closing her eyes. Big mistake. The moment she closed her eyes, she was bombarded by the memory of Ukyo taking hold of _his_ hand and walking with _him_ to get some popcorn.
A hand rested lightly on her shoulder and Ryoga-chan almost jumped out of her skin. "Aaah!" She whipped around to come face to face with Akane.
"Uh.. Ryoga? Are you all right?" she asked in concern.
Ryoga-chan nodded numbly, a slight tingle running through her small frame. *That was weird...* she thought to herself. Then the thought was pushed aside by a more worrying issue. *I was thinking of Ukyo while I'm here with Akane?!!* She forcefully pushed the memory aside. *She must have hit me harder than I thought,* she decided dryly.
Ranma-chan picked up the kettle and poured it over her head. "Oh, that feels so good," he muttered cheerfully, before holding out the kettle to his best enemy. "How about it, Ryoga-chan? Wanna be a guy?" He grinned as the small girl winced in internal agony.
Ryoga-chan fixed him with a venomous glare. "How many times do I have to tell you not to call me that?" she hissed.
Ranma shrugged. "I lost count after seven hundred and thirty eight," he quipped, before shaking the kettle a little. "So? D'ya want it?"
Ryoga-chan looked down at her waitress outfit. "I don't suppose there are any of my other clothes here?" she asked hopefully.
"Nope. Sorry."
Ryoga-chan looked at Kasumi, who shook her head, before giving up with a sigh. "I guess I'd better stay like this then," she mumbled. "I guess I need to get used to fighting in this body too."
Ranma grinned. "Hey, that's great!" He patted her on the shoulder, an evil grin on his face. "Your girl side is _totally_ hot, y'know. Can't wait." There was almost nothing Ranma liked better than winding up Ryoga. He was a master at it, as he continued to prove. "It's almost a pity you're not a real girl sometimes," he carried on, noting the battle aura flaring around the girl and the utterly pissed off expression on her face. With a huge smirk, he reached over and ruffled her hair. "You're cute when you're mad, y'know," he taunted.
The next thing that struck him was completely unexpected. Actually, it was a mallet.
"RANMA, YOU JERK!!!"
*WHAMMO*
Ranma reached up carefully and traced the mallet handle back to a hand and grabbed it. "Jeez, Akane, I was only... gah!"
The hand he was holding wasn't that of a certain young tomboy Tendo, but rather, that of a certain shocked bandannaed lost girl who was staring at the mallet with as much amazement as he was. "How did.. how ... h-h-how..." Ryoga-chan stuttered, staring at her hands.
Nabiki grinned. "Well, Akane, looks like you've been upstaged." She casually patted her sister on the arm. "Never mind, I'm sure you'll find a new trick to beat up Ranma with."
Soun Tendo appeared then, bawling his eyes out. (Boo hoo spat splat.) "NABIIIIIIIKI!!!!!! How can you ENCOURAGE them fighting?!!!!!!" He began to claw at his hair. "My BABIEEEEEEEE!!! Why must you fight with your fiance?!!!!!"
Ranma shrugged and looked at the still stunned Ryoga-chan. "We weren't fighting, Mr Tendo, we were talking about how Ryoga-chan here stole Akane's technique."
"I DIDN'T STEAL IT...." Ryoga-chan began, before Mr Tendo grabbed her by the arms and started shaking her.
"WHY?!!!! WHY I ASK YOU?!!!! I'M BEGGING YOU, GIVE MY BABY GIRL BACK HER TECHNIQUE!!!!!!!" he bawled.
Akane sighed. "Daddy, Ryoga didn't do anything wrong, he must have just worked out how I do it," she said lightly. Inwardly she frowned. Even _she_ wasn't sure where the mallet came from. Oh well, she was sure it didn't matter. "Isn't that right, Ryoga?"
Ryoga-chan grasped the suggestion like a drowning man clutching a straw. "Oh, yeah, that's right, I mean, I've seen you use that thing, been on the receiving end a few times too, hehe..." She turned about thirty shades of red. *Oh god, they're not buyin' it... what the hell is going on here... oh man, I just don't _get_ this!!*
"See? That's all." Akane smiled at her father, who still had tears pouring down his face. "Oh daddy, must you over react?"
Ryoga-chan blinked a few times. *Wow... they're actually buying it!* That was good. She didn't know how she was supposed to explain that she was learning techniques from anyone who touched her?
Ranma gave her a dubious look. "I think you're not telling us something, Miss Ryoga- chan."
Immediately, a demon head loomed over Ranma, with forked tongue, glowing eyes and fangs. "WHAT THE HELL'S THE MATTER WITH YOU?!!! HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO TELL YOU NOT TO CALL ME THAT?!!!!!!" Ryoga-chan roared. Then she realized exactly what she was doing. "Um..."
Ranma crossed his arms. "How did you do that?" he queried, looking closely at Ryoga- chan.
Ryoga-chan put on her best cute face. "Me? I guess I picked that one up from watching Mr Tendo do it to you all the time." She smiled sweetly. "Not scared, are you? Want to fight still?"
Ranma glared at her. "Sure thing! As if a few new moves could make _you_ any better than _me_!!"
"In the training hall, boys," Nabiki called out. "Or should I say girl and boy?" She whipped out her camera for a few shots of Ryoga-chan in the waitress outfit. "Don't create _too_ much damage!!"
Ranma grinned. There was one move certain to put Ryoga-chan out of it, no matter _how_ many mallets she pulled. All he needed to do was make her mad. "Hey, Nabs, don't suppose you could make me copies of those photo's, could you?"
"WHAT DID YOU SAY?!!!" Akane jumped to her feet, waving a large mallet around.
Ranma glared at her. "Akane, don't butt in! This is a man to man fight!" He glanced at the seething Ryoga-chan again. "Although it looks like only one of us is a real man!"
"DIE, SAOTOME!!!!" OK, yeah, it was an outdated battlecry. But it was quick and straight to the point.
Ranma charged towards the training hall as the demon head loomed over him. "What's the matter, lady, can't take the heat?! You make a better girl than a guy, anyway!"
"I'M GOING TO KILL YOU!!!!" Ryoga-chan roared, swinging a mallet which connected solidly with Ranma's skull, much to his surprise.
*I forget... he's faster as a girl.* Ranma straightened up and began taunting Ryoga-chan again, carefully leading her into a spiral. "I thought you said that battlecry was outdated? What's the matter, Ryoga-chan, something wrong? Why not stay a girl for the rest of your life and find a real man to marry?" He could feel the heat of the battle aura radiating from the girl. Boy, was Ryoga mad! Just a few more steps and he'd have the Hyruu Shoten Ha to end all. "I don't know why Ucchan decided to stick with you, when she had a real man like me around!"
Ryoga-chan seethed with anger and renewed her attack. "Get back here, you coward!" she raged, chasing after him. "Stop running away!"
The words clicked in her mind.
Ranma was... running away... running away in a spiral... Time seemed to slow down as she realized she was being drawn into the center of the spiral. *Oh no! Not again! Not this time!* (It's nothing more than a clash of temperatures.) She remembered helping Ranma train with Cologne - she'd been the first one Ranma had unleashed his greatest attack on. And she'd gotten herself mad enough to be blown a few miles at least. Unless.... she could cool herself down. She grinned. "ICE STORM!" Ranma's eyes widened as the cold air surrounded him, canceling out his twister. Then, before he could react, he was hit by a flurry of punches. He staggered backwards before regaining his composure. "H-how did you do that?!!" he whispered in awe. Ryoga-chan smirked. "That would be telling. Come on, Ranma. Fight me." She could _do_ it this time. She could defeat him! Ranma grinned. "OK. For real. Winner takes all." He took a stance. "Let's go!"
~~~~~
Skuld glanced at the okonomiyaki chef as she worked through her katas with her giant spatula, before swinging at an imaginary foe, muttering under her breath. A grin appeared on Skuld's face as the words reached her ears.
"...Jerk! Pervert! Stubborn, stuck-up, pig-headed jackass!"
"He'll be back soon," Skuld called.
Ukyo jumped around, a red flush covering her features. "I couldn't care less where he is or what he's doing!" she growled. "Why should I care anyway?!" She whirled around again and started the kata, smooth and controlled. Her mind was in a state of chaos, though. She didn't understand what was happening to her. She loved Ranchan, she knew that. *So why am I worried about that idiot jackass Ryoga?* She sighed. Well, if there was a question that needed answering, there was just one thing to do.
Procrastinate.
Procrastinate like you've never procrastinated before.
Skuld smiled knowingly and looked at the small pill she'd been given by her sister, and held it up to the light. "Admit it. You like him."
"I DO _NOT_!!!" Ukyo screamed.
Skuld couldn't resist goading her a little more. "So how was your date last night? Have fun? Was Ryoga a gentleman? I hear he leapt to your defense pretty quickly when all out war broke loose."
Ukyo scowled. "I don't want to talk about it, so drop it."
Skuld relented. She genuinely liked the okonomiyaki chef and didn't want to spoil the friendship they were building. "OK." She looked at the pill again with a smile. *Love potion number 9.* Ryoga and Ukyo were her friends. They deserved a little happiness after all the recent mayhem and chaos. As a goddess, surely she could do that? *Pride... it always gets in the way. Well, Urd, maybe your ideas aren't as far-fetched as I originally thought.*
End Part XIII
Final Song - Another Day In Paradise
========================
PART XIV
Winner takes all!!!
Ranma Saotome _never_ loses...
Or does he?
========================
Ranma could only wait in shocked amazement as the Katsu Tenshin Amaguriken attack hit him. *I don't _believe_ this! I'm losing... to Ryoga Hibiki of all people!* Finally his air tour across the Dojo was ended by the wall. He struggled to his feet. "T-this is far from over!"
"Fine by me! You can be my guinea pig!" Ryoga-chan sped forward with a speed that defied description (OK, so I just can't be bothered to describe it - so sue me.) before hitting Ranma with her battle aura. *Thank you, Mr Saotome...* Flipping over his head, she turned to face him. "Done yet, Ranma?" she teased lightly.
*I can't move!!* Ranma thought, desperately trying to will his limbs to do what he wanted. *How did he _do_ that?!! I've only ever seen Pops and the old freak do that before!*
"Ranma? What's wrong?" Ryoga-chan walked around him in a circle, slightly bemused. *Is that technique really that good?!!* "Why aren't you attacking? Have you given up?" She waved a hand in front of his face. "Stop kidding and fight me! I'm not done yet!" She stepped backwards. *He can't be done... he _always_ beats me!* "Snap out of it!"
"R-Ryoga..." Ranma forced enough life in his arm to raise it a little. *There is no way I will ever admit defeat to _him!_ Especially not when he's a GIRL!!!* "T-thank's for the little speech..." Talking became easier as he continued. "Really inspiring."
"Are you going to fight me or not?" Ryoga-chan stood ready. "I'm not going to attack when you're frozen like that."
"Oh, I'm gonna fight you, all right!" Ranma wiped his face. "And I will win! No matter what!"
Ryoga-chan gave him one of those irritated looks. "Not too cocky now, are we?" She shook her head. "I should've taken you out when you were frozen."
"Too late now! KATSU TENSHIN AMARGURIKEN REVISED!!!" Ranma started hitting at the wooden floor of the Dojo.
"Huh?" Ryoga-chan stepped backwards. "You just did this... OWOWOWOWOW!!!" Jumping away, she examined her arm in surprise. "Splinters?"
"Incredible!" shouted Soun, jumping to his feet. He grabbed a microphone from somewhere. "He's using the Chestnut Fist to turn the floor into splintered wood, hitting it at an angle so that the wood splinters fly through the air, striking his opponent!!! Truly, it is a marvel to behold!!!"
Genma beamed proudly. "That's why he's my son."
"Well, all I can say is, he'd better pay for the floor to be repaired." Soun brushed his hair out of his eyes. "Or OWOWOW!!! HEY, WATCH WHERE YOU'RE AIMING!!!"
Ranma glanced at him. "Sorry." He smirked at Ryoga-chan. "Give up yet, little girl?"
"You have _got_ to be kidding." Ryoga-chan smirked back. "I've got a new trick for you, too."
"Wha... ANOTHER?!!!"
"BAKUSAI TENKETSU!!!" Ryoga-chan struck the floor with her index finger. "Watch."
A loud rumbling noise filled the room. Ranma looked around nervously. "What's that noise?" A geyser erupting from the floor answered his question. "Whatcha do THAT for?!!"
"KATSU TENSHIN AMARGURIKEN AND ICE STORM REVISED!!!" Ryoga-chan jumped into the air at began striking at the water. Where her hands hit the water, they turned it into ice. Ice, which went hurtling towards Ranma in the form of icicles, icebergs and plain ice chunks.
"Wha.. hey! Ow! Ouch!" Ranma tried to dodge. Which worked for a while, until he slipped on the icy floor. Then he found himself hammered by ice shrapnel. "Quit it!"
"Amazing! He used the Ice Storm technique to turn the water into ice, which he used against Ranma with the Chestnut Fist!" cried Genma through a megaphone. (Neriman sound systems. I want one!!) "Are you sure you don't want him to marry one of your other daughters?"
"Oh no you don't!" Nabiki shouted. "Don't you go putting ideas in Daddy's head!"
Ryoga-chan walked over to where Ranma lay, using the weather techniques to melt the ice with each step. *I-I don't believe this... I'm actually winning!!!* She bowed her head slightly. "This is the reason I came to Nerima... finally, I can really do it!!!* She looked down at Ranma. "Do you surrender?"
Ranma glared up at her. "No way, Hibiki!" He climbed unsteadily to his feet.
"Good." Ryoga-chan closed her eyes, recalling how the Chaos Butterflies manipulated the weather. She moved her hands, and the icy water from the geyser spiraled around her. "FINAL ATTACK!!! HYRUU SHOTEN HA REVISED!!!"
Ranma screamed.
~~~~~
Tsubasa looked at his reflection in the mirror. *I didn't want to do this, Ukyo, but if that's what it takes to make you mine, I'll do it.* He raised his fist high. "I'll do ANYTHING for you!!!" he cried, sun bursting in the background behind the tsunami waves. "Anything at all!!!"
As quickly as they appeared, the sun and the waves vanished and Tsubasa was surrounded by a murky blackness. "I-I'd even..." Tsubasa closed his eyes and clenched his fists. "Even ... kill for you."
The normal surroundings faded back into existence. "But today, let's just try..." He stuck his tongue out at the mirror. "Dressing as a guy."
~~~~~
Shampoo looked around the darkened restaurant. "We done, great-grandmother? Shampoo can go see Ryoga now, yes?"
Mousse growled and tightened his grip on his chopsticks.
Cologne nodded. "Are you sure you don't want to take a love potion with you? Just a weak one?"
"No thank you, Shampoo no trust love potions. Always backfire." Shampoo grinned. "I win Ryoga's love all on own."
The chopsticks snapped. *I _really_, _REALLY_ hate Hibiki now.*
~~~~~
Demons. Ghouls. Things that go bump in the night. They attacked when you least expected it, when your guard was down, when you just thought it was safe outside. Merdith waited, biding her time, waiting for the guard to fall. She watched Ryoga-chan from the shadows, hatred and fear shown by darker shadows. She couldn't risk trying to take her - it would be too dangerous. She didn't dare take any risks, Percicus had done that and been defeated. She and Jodie were the last ones left. She had to wait, to find someone who she could use. She moved back into the darkest shadows again as the eldest Tendo daughter passed her, walking towards the telephone. *Too weak. And too suspicious. She's no good.*
Kasumi hung up the telephone and re-entered the wrecked Dojo. "The repairmen will be here soon, Father. Really, there's no need to cry." She looked at the hole in the ceiling. "Oh my. Hasn't Ranma landed yet?"
Genma shook his head. "That last move was.... Amazing!" He grabbed the microphone again. "He used the Heavenly Dragon Ascension Wave to.... do something." He looked at Ryoga-chan. "What _did_ you do to Ranma?"
*He has power... but he is still too weak. Another...*
Ryoga-chan winced as she pulled another splinter out of her arm. "It's a secret." She jumped to her feet. "Where did Ranma go? Surely he should have landed by now..." She gasped. *He must be on the roof or something, thinking of a way to defeat me! I'm doo..*
*CRASH*
*med.* Ryoga-chan blinked. "Huh? Ranma?" She walked over to him and poked him with her toe. "Ranma? Are you OK? Did I win?"
Genma appeared by her side and looked at his son. "I think you won."
"What?!!" Ryoga-chan shook her head. "But the Takahashi goddess states that Ranma _always_ wins!" She shook Ranma. "Hey, you! Wake up!"
Genma pushed her aside and grabbed Ranma by the collar. "WAKE UP, SON!!!!" He slapped him a few times. "The laws of reality are at stake! How dare you lose?!!!"
Akane pushed Genma aside. "Stop it, you're being ridiculous!" he looked at Ranma's unconscious body. "Let him rest."
*Maybe. She has potential... and it would be fun to break him with the woman he holds so dear...* Merdith thought about it for a little longer. It was an interesting idea, certainly. Let the girl sneak past his defenses and strike him where it hurt. She studied the situation for a moment, then paused. It wouldn't work - he was too shy, he'd push away anyone who tried to get close, and she didn't have the time or the patience to try and worm her way into his heart. Nah. She'd just have to try someone else...
Ryoga-chan shoved Genma aside again. "So I won?!! I really won?!!!"
Genma nodded solemnly. "That would appear so. Unless.." He grabbed Ranma by the collar again. "WAKE UP, YOU IDIOT!!!!"
"Mr Saotome!" Akane whacked him with her mallet. "Can't you see he's hurt?!!!"
"I... really won?!!!" Ryoga-chan stood dazed for a moment, before a huge grin appeared on her face. "YATTA!!!" She jumped into the air, Chun-Li style, bouncing up and down in glee. Happy flowers appeared around her. "I WON! I WON!!!" Tears streamed down her face. "This is the happiest day of my life!!!"
Soun shook his head. "It really means that much to him?"
Nabiki nodded. "You should've seen it when he first arrived here. The carnage was terri- WOAH! Put me DOWN!"
Ryoga-chan ignored her yells and spun her and Kasumi around. "I'm so happy!!! Hahahaa!!!"
"Ryoga, put me down or I'll puke!!"
"Oh my. I'm getting dizzy."
Akane watched Ryoga happily prance around the Dojo, with a slight smile on her face. *In a way.. I'm happy for you, Ryoga.* She looked down at Ranma and the smile faded. *Poor Ranma...*
Ranma groaned and slowly opened his eyes. "A-Akane?"
"Ranma, are you all right?" Akane asked in concern. "Do you want me to call Doctor Tofu?"
"With Kasumi here?! Are you crazy?!" Ranma sat up and rubbed the back of his head, looking around at the wreckage and Ryoga-chan merrily swinging his father around in the air. *H-he won... I don't believe it...*
*Him! He's perfect!* Merdith grinned and slipped forward for closer inspection. She should've known. Ranma Saotome, the lifelong rival of Ryoga Hibiki. There was the perfect excuse to attack, plus the added advantage that killing Hibiki in his body meant that the other women who chased relentlessly after him would be deterred somewhat, leaving the field clear for Kodachi. *They'll die anyway...* The thought sent ripples of pleasure through her. It was a long time since she'd killed someone. True, she often made attempts to kill Mr Lutz in his wife's body. She'd never succeeded. Oh yes, and she'd driven the DeFeo boy insane, to the point where he'd murdered his whole family, but she hadn't been there to help, to control him. But there was raw power in this town, power Kodachi had given them access to. *I'll kill them all... but I'll kill Hibiki first."
Ryoga-chan caught sight of Ranma and ran over. "Ah! Ranma!"
*GLOMP*
"HEY! Get OFF me, you idiot!!" Ranma yelled. "You're hurting me!"
Ryoga-chan released her grip on Ranma and bounced around on her toes. "Sorry." She grinned happily. "Are you all right? I didn't know it'd be that good."
Ranma nodded. "I'll be fine... just how did you _do_ all that?"
"Secret techniques." She bounced a few more times before gaining a little control. "Maybe I'll tell you another day." The perky grin grew even wider. "I'm going back to Ucchans now, see ya!" She waved cheerily before disappearing in search of a mirror.
Seeing her run off, Merdith moved forwards, waiting to pounce.
Genma waited for a moment before addressing his son. "So boy, what are you going to do?"
Ranma tried to think. On one hand, it was just so utterly humiliating that he, Ranma Saotome, had been defeated by Ryoga Hibiki - in female for and in front of an audience, no less! - that he just wanted to crawl into a hole and nurse his wounded ego before hunting him down and pounding him into the floor.
But on the other hand, there was a part of him that insisted he should just leave it. Maybe, just maybe, Ryoga would now finally stop hassling him and he could live in relative peace.
Yeah. Right. And pigs would fly.
Reaching out with long, ghostly fingers, she entered his mind.
Still, it seemed like a far more inviting prospect than hunting down the lost boy and challenging him to a rematch.
*To a rematch? What a good idea...*
The thought rose unbidden in Ranma's mind, and he shook his head, puzzled. *But I don't want to fight him again. He has new power.*
*He humiliated you. In front of Akane.*
*But...*
*I'll give _you_ the power. The raw energy he used against you, it's here. I'll give it to you. To use against him.*
Ranma's eyes widened. "Who are you?"
"Ranma? Are you feeling all right?" Akane peered at him in worry.
He blinked in confusion. "Huh? Y-yeah, I'm fine..."
His tone lacked conviction as the silky voice whispered temptingly in his mind. *I'm only trying to help you. I'm a friend.*
"F-friend?"
Akane blinked. "I think maybe we _should_ call Dr Tofu.
*Don't speak. I can hear you if you just think.* Merdith began to work her spell into Ranma. *I want to help you fight him.*
*Fight... Ryoga?* Ranma thought muzzily.
*Yes. Just promise me you'll challenge him again. I'll teach you how to use the power against him and you can have your pride back.*
It was so inviting... defeat Ryoga and get the title of Nerima's greatest martial artist back. Ranma felt his resolve melting. The owner of the voice would help him, teach him how to use that energy against Ryoga and win the battle. *What is the energy?*
*Spiritual energy. Didn't you know? Nerima is the greatest source of pent-up spiritual energy in the universe. That's why strange things always happen here.* Merdith was taking control and she knew it. Just a little nudge...
*Very well. I'll challenge him again.* Ranma jumped to his feet and walked out of the room, ignoring the stares of everyone around him.
~~~~~
Skuld looked up as Tsubasa and Shampoo entered the restaurant. "They're not here," she half-lied, pouring two cups of tea out. "Try again later." *Just go away!* She refrained from saying those words aloud, but hoped they'd take the hint. She couldn't have anyone else interfere.
Ukyo poked her head around the door frame. "Who's not here? Oh. It's you two." She forced a smile in their direction.
Skuld gritted her teeth. "Well, looks like Ukyo's here." There was a loud crash from upstairs and she winced. "And it sounds like Ryoga's back too." Wonderful. She quickly manoeuvred the tea over to another area and turned back in time to see Ryoga, back in his male form, run into the room with a huge grin on his face and sweep Ukyo into a big hug.
Four jaws fell in shock.
Skuld looked at the tea, then back to Ukyo and Ryoga. "Guess I don't need this any more," she muttered, placing the tray beside the grill and watching Ryoga swing Ukyo into the air, singing something in Greek. She glanced over at Shampoo and Tsubasa, who'd both slumped to their knees in shock, then back to the other two, still unable to believe her eyes. She sighed. You didn't have to be a technical genius to know that any second now, Ukyo was going to snap out of it and hit him. And when that happened, Shampoo and Tsubasa were going to snap out of it too and start attacking each other. *Why can't the couples here be as simple and uncomplicated as Keiichi and Belldandy?*
Shampoo resisted the urge to break down and cry. Spurned again. Here she was, one of the most powerful Amazons in her tribe and once again she'd been pushed aside in favour of a violent brunette tomboy. *It not fair...* she thought numbly. *Shampoo work so hard...* She clenched her fists in anger, before letting out a shaky sigh. The tea cups on the side caught her eye. *Shampoo could do with drink...* What the hell. She was depressed, she was spurned, she was _entitled_ to steal other peoples tea.
Tsubasa took a few deep breaths and clenched his fists. Here he was, going to all the effort of dressing manly, and his darling Ukyo -HIS Ukyo - was in the arms of his hated rival. *I'll kill him... I'LL KILL...*
"Drink?" Shampoo held out the other teacup. "Is much good."
Tsubasa smiled faintly and took the cup from Shampoo. "Thanks."
Skuld finally noticed the materialization of the tea into Shampoo and Tsubasa's grasps a
moment too late. *Oh....
Shampoo looked at Tsubasa. Tsubasa looked at Shampoo. Somehow, their surroundings had been replaced by pink clouds and flowers in rolling meadow. (Meadows roll?) Neither of them noticed that the string quartet seemed rather out of place, they were too busy gazing into each others eyes.
Tsubasa looked in wonder at the beautiful Amazon in front of him. How had he ever even thought about chasing after Ukyo when there was this gorgeous woman here in Japan? "Shampoo..." he breathed lovingly.
Shampoo smiled happily at him. Right now, she couldn't have said "Ranma Saotome" or "Ryoga Hibiki" if someone had held up flashcards. Even in Chinese. How could she, when Tsubasa was giving her a look that turned her brain to the consistency of potato salad? "Oh, Tsubasa..."
Tsubasa and Shampoo never had been the shy, demure types when it came to proclaiming their affections.
~~~~~
A curse from Skuld finally brought Ukyo slowly back to reality. Sort of. Hastily blinking, she eventually realized she was being hugged. Not that it was a bad thing or anything, she quickly decided, a girl likes to feel appreciated every now and then. A nice, friendly hug was always a good ego boost and never failed to raise spirits. With a small smile, she looked up and assessed who was hugging her.
Black, spiky hair.
Green eyes.
All too familiar, black and yellow bandanna.
Ah. Ryoga. She was being hugged by Ryoga. Thankfully, there were no breasts at present. Closing her eyes, Ukyo leaned her head lightly against his chest.
Reality finally hit fully and her eyes snapped open. She was being hugged by her jackass fiance! "Ryoga Hibiki, you have five seconds to unhand me, before I start hurting you in interesting ways," she snarled through gritted teeth, her temper rising.
"Huh?" Ryoga eventually reached planet Earth and realized exactly what he was doing, and to who. "Eep!" He leapt away from her, face a fire engine red. "I'm sorry!! I-I didn't mean it like that - I-I mean I never.. I didn't..."
"Oh, so hugging me was bad, was it?!" Ukyo felt her hackles rising (Just what _are_ hackles, anyway?) for some unknown reason.
"Well, believe me, it was just as unpleasant for me as it was for you!" Ryoga responded without thinking.
"You... you... JACKASS!!!!" The raging fire oni took over Ukyo's body and moved forward to turn Ryoga into mulch.
Skuld stepped in between them. "Would you guys cut it out? I'm trying to hear what they're saying," she hissed, peeping though a gap in the screens. Maybe Urd had given her a duff potion....
"Wo ai ni."
No such luck. *So that's what she meant about them always, somehow, backfiring.*
Ryoga and Ukyo silently called a temporary truce and cautiously peered around the edge of the screen. "O-oh my!" Ukyo blushed and covered her eyes.
*THUMP* No prizes for guessing who passed out with a nosebleed that would make Mt Etna proud.
"H-hey, this is a public building! Get a room!" Skuld scolded.
"Shampoo... will you marry me?" Tsubasa stopped kissing her long enough to actually phrase the question.
"Aiya! Is so more romantic than defeat in battle! Yes!"
*GLOMP*
The happy couple drifted away on cloud nine to the Cat Café, oblivious to everything around them, causing cars to swerve in near misses as they casually strolled into the middle of the road, hand in hand.
Skuld sighed slightly. "That's so sweet..."
"Were you," Ukyo inquired. "Responsible for that?"
Like a deer caught in the headlights of an oncoming car, Skuld froze. "Uh...."
Much to her amazement, a giant smile appeared on the chefs face. "You got Tsubasa out of my hair! How can I ever thank you?!"
The brunette goddess facefaulted.
End Part XIV
Final song - Against All Odds
=============
PART XV
Never say Never.
=============
All three were so different, Tatewaki Kuno noted, yet each so perfect. He sighed and flipped through his photo album, trying vainly to make a decision.
He stopped at one page and gazed adoringly at the photograph. The face of Akane Tendo looked back up at him. Dressed in a floral frock, she was frozen in frame as she cheerfully walking down the street, doing an errand for Kasumi. "Ah, Akane Tendo," he sighed happily. He flicked over to the next page and his gaze settled on the Pig-tailed girl. Dressed in her typical Chinese garb, she was caught in the midst of balancing on a fence as she dodged a panda. "The Pig-tailed girl..." His love for her was matched equally by his love, and he'd thought there was no room in his heart for another. With a sigh, he turned to the back pages, which were devoted entirely to photographs of the Bandannaed girl. He craved these photographs even more than the ones of Akane Tendo and the Pig-tailed girl, if only because of the fact that Nabiki seemed to have greater trouble obtaining them. He sighed with love as he gazed at her photographs, although a small part of him wondered why she almost always wore clothes which were far too large for her. Except for in his favourite photograph where she'd been wearing nothing but skimpy lingerie. Obviously too shy to show off her wares to him in person, she'd had Nabiki photograph her in it. "Ah... the Bandannaed girl." Aphrodite, Ariadne and Arachne. Three goddesses. Akane Tendo with her liquid brown eyes and short brown hair was as equally as beauteous as the Pigtailed girl with her sparkling blue eyes and long red hair, who was equally as beauteous as the Bandannaed girl with her deep green eyes and spiky black hair... "Each one is so different... HOWEVER SHALL I CHOOSE?!!!"
As usual, he reached his verdict and rushed out of the house to purchase three bouquets of roses.
*SPLASH*
Ryoga-chan sat up with a gasp. "Why do you always have to do that to me?" she griped, wringing out her black T-shirt.
"Because it works so well," Ukyo replied, pouring a waiting kettle over her head. When the transformation was complete, she hovered expectantly, nearby.
"Uh... do you want something?" Ryoga asked after a few moments of silence.
"Yeah." Ukyo moved in for the kill. "An explanation as to why you hugged me for starters."
"Um..." The crimson blush instantly appeared on his face again. "Evil genetic clone? Twin brother? Nabiki's blackmailing me?" Delighted as he was to have finally beaten Ranma in a fair fight, he decided Ukyo would probably be less than happy to hear that he'd knocked the tar out of her ex-fiance. Fortunately, he was saved from having to answer by the arrival of Ranma. Unfortunately, Ranma spilled the beans anyway. "Ryoga Hibiki, I challenge you to a re-match!" He pointed his finger at Ryoga. "I shall never accept your victory over me!"
Ukyo looked at them both in amazement. "You," she began, pointing to Ryoga, "won a fight against Ranchan?!" She finished by pointing at Ranma.
"You don't have to sound so surprised!" Ryoga snapped.
Ukyo sighed and turned to face Ranma. "Ranchan..." she began gently. "How much of Akane's cooking did you eat before he fought you?"
"Hey!"
Ranma shook his head. "None."
Ukyo paused in consideration. "Then _you_", she pointed to Ryoga. "Must have cheated!!!"
The demon head loomed over her. "I WON THAT CONTEST FAIR AND SQUARE!!!!!"
"EEEEEEEEK!!!!!"
Skuld appeared from the back room to see what all the commotion was about. "Could you keep it down a little, I'm trying to find a cure here!" she snapped.
Ranma grinned arrogantly at Ryoga. "I hereby challenge you to a rematch. One week from today at noon in the soccer field at school."
"What if I refuse?"
The quiet question threw Ranma for a second before he recovered. "What?"
"What if I refuse?" Ryoga settled down on a stool before continuing. "Your father and the Tendo's all saw us fight, they know I didn't cheat." He grinned. "If you accept your defeat, I won't mention it again. I'll even stop randomly attacking you." He paused for a second. "Except for when you mistreat Akane. How about it?"
"No!" Ranma crossed his arms. "This is a matter of honour!"
Skuld looked up and a look of confusion crossed her face as she looked at Ranma.
"What this is, is a matter of you not liking the fact that you're not invincible", Ryoga shot back angrily.
Merdith watched from the shadows and began to play with her puppet. Ranma smiled slowly. "You know, P-Chan..."
"Don't call me that!"
Ranma continued, ignoring the interruption and slowly walking over to Ryoga. "There's a certain Tendo girl who would pay large amounts of money to hear about a certain pet belonging to a certain other Tendo girl..."
Ryoga paled considerably. "Y-you wouldn't dare!" he stammered.
Skuld narrowed her eyes.
"Wouldn't I?" Ranma smiled sinisterly. "Do you really want to take the chance?"
"Ryoga..."
Ryoga ignored the suddenly agitated goddess. "Then I accept your challenge," he said quietly.
"Great!" The old, perky Ranma was back. "No backing out?"
"No backing out."
"Ryogaaaa!" Skuld buried her head in her hands. *Damn, damn, DAMN!*
"Good. Now we'll discuss the terms." Ranma grinned merrily.
*Oops! Should've done the terms first!* Ryoga though. Well, it was too late now. "OK, then, if I win again, you... uh..."
"Akane?" Ranma queried.
Ryoga shook his head. "She hates being the prize in fights, you know that. No, if I win..." Looking around, he spotted Ukyo and was hit by sudden inspiration. "You pay back Ucchan for all the food you've freeloaded from her."
"Huh?!" Ukyo looked surprised. She laughed nervously. "No, It's OK..."
"I agree," Ranma declared, cutting her off. "But if I win..." He paused for dramatic effect. "If I win, you leave Nerima." He leaned forward. "For good."
~~~~~
Mousse stormed out of the Cat Café, a dark rage radiating from him. Minuets earlier, his beloved had returned home with a man who she'd decided she loved, who, worse still, returned the affections. It wouldn't have been so bad if it was a normal man. But no, it had to be the cross-dresser who'd been chasing after Ukyo for so long. When he'd attempted to kill him though, Shampoo had grabbed the nearest weapon - a bazooka - and calmly stated that if he so much as harmed a hair on the head of her Tsubasa, he'd have his guts pumped full of lead.
Now he thought about it, it was obvious. Ryoga and Ukyo were sick to death of other people interfering in their relationship and had decided to remove the obstacles with a love potion. While he was off now to kill them, he had to admit he was impressed. Love potions had a horrible tendency to backfire.
He pushed open the door to Ucchans. "Hibiki, Kuonji, say your farewells because today is the day you shall repent for your sins against humanity!" It hadn't taken him long to think of that.
"That would've been a marvelous entrance, if not for the fact that I'm Skuld." She decided now would not be the greatest time to tell him that he'd just ruined the cure to the love potion by spilling it all down her shirt front. Reaching over, she knocked the glasses back over his eyes. "Ryoga and Ukyo are over there, arguing."
Mousse fumed. If they'd put so much effort into getting rid of their rivals, the least they could do was _pretend_ they were a happy couple.
The argument grew louder as he drew closer. "You can't, you're injured!"
"That's why I have a week to prepare, dummy!"
"You don't have to do this." Ukyo tried again.
"Yes I do." Ryoga crossed his arms.
Mousse ran forward. "Hibiki, Kuonji, prepare..."
*KAPOW*
He flew backwards out of the restaurant onto the pavement. Undaunted, he jumped to his feet and ran back inside. "To die!"
"I'll prove I'm fine." Ryoga stood ready.
*KAPOW*
Mousse made another airborne exit through the door and stood up again. "I could have..."
*KAPOW*
Repeat the above action, except this time, Mousse is a bit more battered.
"Accepted it in time if.."
*KAPOW*
Pause, then repeat again.
"You'd pretended you..."
*KAPOW*
I don't need to explain again, do I?
"Were getting along..."
*KAPOW*
"But I just wanna..."
*KAPOW*
"Ask you why..."
*KAPOW*
"You didn't make it me she chose!"
Ukyo scowled at Ryoga as Mousse made yet another charge for them. "I don't need you to protect me!"
"Who said I was doing that?!"
"If he comes my way, I can handle him."
Ryoga batted Mousse away and looked at her in astonishment. "Of course he's coming your way, I'm right by you!"
Ukyo shrugged. "So move away from me."
"Don't be a dummy, he'll attack you."
"I thought you said you weren't protecting me," Ukyo jibed.
Ryoga bristled. "You don't need protecting, you need restraining."
*CLANNNNNNNNG*
"JERK!"
*CLANG*CLANG*CLANG*CLANG*CLANG*CLANG*CLANG*CLANG*CLANG *CLANG*
Mousse wobbled into the restaurant just in time to see the Ukyo fire oni pound Ryoga into the floor. "Um... I'll come back later..."
~~~~~
*SPLASH*
Ryoga-chan sat up with a sharp intake of breath as she was splashed with icy water for the second time that night. "Don't DO that! Are you trying to slowly murder me through pneumonia or something?!"
Ukyo sighed. "Withdraw from the duel with Ranchan... please?"
Ryoga-chan looked at Ukyo in surprise. *Is she... worried.. about me?!* For some reason, that made her feel strange. She blushed lightly and fixed her gaze on the floor. "Umm..."
Ukyo continued blithely. "I mean, you couldn't even stand up against me, so you obviously haven't got a chance against a superior martial artist like him."
Her fuse finally blowing out, Ryoga-chan jumped to her feet, casually kicking her trousers to one side. "For your information, I totally wiped the floor with your _dear_ Ranchan - As A Girl - and I'll do it again, you got that?!"
Tatewaki Kuno chose that second to enter at full speed through the door. He grasped hold of Ryoga-chan's hands, kneeling down in front of her. "Yes! Smite him again, my beloved!!! I, the Blue Thunder of Furinkan High, have complete and total faith in you!"
"Uh..." Sweatdrops appeared on Ukyo and Ryoga-chan's heads.
"Ah, see how my words of pure love have rendered her speechless." He produced a bouquet of red roses and plonked them in her arms. "Let it be heard now, that if he harms one hair on your head, I shall rise to your defence in the name of love! I also shall seek out vengeance against the one who has been as foolish as to scar your beautiful face."
Ryoga-chan shrugged. If Ranma could use his girl side to get what he wanted, so could she. She put on her very best kawaii face and batted her eyelashes at him. "O-oh, Kuno- sempai! You'd really do that for me?"
"I'm going to puke," Ukyo mumbled.
Ryoga-chan ignored her and gave Kuno a fang-toothed grin. "I'm so.. so... MOVED!!" she squealed, quickly punching out as he moved forward to glomp her. *This goon could actually be useful..* she noted.
"My love, for you I would do anything!" Kuno proclaimed, moving forward and once again meeting an unyielding fist.
"Goody. Now get lost, I have to train." Satisfied, she punted him through the roof before tossing the roses aside.
Ukyo picked up the bouquet. "You should really put these in some water, you know. They're nice."
"Yeah?" Ryoga-chan shrugged. "You can keep them if you want."
*I'd rather be given flowers that aren't hand-me-downs* she thought. "I prefer white roses."
"Oh." Ryoga-chan carefully stored that piece of information. "White roses."
"Not that it's important or anything," Ukyo said hastily. She quickly changed the subject. "That was a sickening display."
"You mean the acting?" Ryoga-chan said neutrally. "Or the fact that he thinks I'm as good as Ranma?"
"A mild delusion, I'm sure. Ranchan never loses."
Ryoga-chan's short-fused temper blew again. "Well at least SOMEONE has a little faith in my ability! Ranma isn't some sort of invincible god, y'know! He still loses to Mr Saotome and Happosai and Cologne - he just wins the fights that count!" Instantly all the blood drained from her face.
The Takahashi goddess states that Ranma Saotome never loses... the fights that really matter.
And if this fight didn't matter, then she was a Samurai Pizza Cat.
"ARRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!" With a wail of dismay, she pounded her fist against the wall.
Ukyo jumped back in alarm. "Ryoga, what is it?!"
"I'm going to lose anyway. It's a universal law," Ryoga-chan said in a dismal voice, before running up the stairs to her room. *I've lost before I've even started," she thought hopelessly. *This is going to be my last week in Nerima. Ever.*
After a few moments, Ukyo decided to pay her oldest friend a visit.
~~~~~
Mousse grabbed hold of the person in front of him. "I've got you at last, Ryoga Hibiki!"
"Excuse me, Sir?" Mihoshi was very confused. "My name's Mihoshi. Ryoga Hibiki lives at Ucchans okonomiyaki restaurant, which is closed at the moment because it's getting late, but I guess if you're a friend of his, you'd be allowed right in..."
Mousse pulled his glasses back over his eyes. "You're not Hibiki!"
"I thought I just said that." Mihoshi gave him a surprisingly Kasumi-like smile. "You see, I can't be Ryoga because I'm a girl and Ryoga's a guy, or at least he is most of time, it's not like he's a girl through his own choosing..."
"HIBIKI, PREPARE TO DIE!!!" What the hell. It took a lot less time to think up.
Mihoshi's Galaxy Police Training kicked in. "HOLD IT RIGHT THERE, BUSTER!!!" she roared, pulling out her laser pistol.
Mousse stopped dead and turned to face her. "Uh... what," he began, pointing to the pistol, "are you doing with that thing?!!"
Mihoshi held the pistol rigidly. "I can't let you kill Ryoga. If you even attempt to harm him, I'll use this." Her voice began to crack. "Please don't make me use it, because that'll really hurt and I don't want to have to do it!"
Mousse looked at her for a few moments. "Ah! You were that girl in the hospital room who Shampoo called a Bubble-head, aren't you?"
Mihoshi fumed. "Hmph. She should look in a mirror when she says that."
"ARE YOU CALLING SHAMPOO A BUBBLE-HEAD?!!!" People looked nervously at each other and began to clear the area.
"YES, I'M CALLING THAT CHINESE BIMBETTE A BUBBLE-HEAD!!!"
"OH, YEAH?!! BIMBETTE?!!" Mousse snorted. "Pot calling kettle black here."
"WATCH WHO YOU'RE CALLING A BIMBETTE, GIRLYBOY!!!" Mihoshi snarled.
"GIRLYBOY?!!!" Battle auras lit up the street. "At least I don't turn into a nauseatingly, kawaii midget girl!"
"No." Mihoshi stopped.
"Huh?"
The battle aura flared again. "You just LOOK like one!!!!
~~~~~
"So there's a demon controlling Ranma?" Ryoga lay on his back on the futon, although for some obscure reason, he had his feet on the pillow and his head where his feet would normally be.
Mini-Skuld nodded. "I did try to warn you," she reminded him.
Ryoga sighed. "I guess I'll have to deal with that as soon as possible. Can you distract Ucchan?"
"She's not in. Lets go now while it's still light out.
A few minutes later, Magical Guy Makoto was bouncing carefully across rooftops towards the Tendo Dojo. "You know, I feel like a total idiot in this getup."
"You look great. In fact, my big sister Urd is a big fan of yours. She keeps asking me to get your autograph."
"Urgh! I keep getting people crowding around me during the day...someone is bound to recognize me sooner or later." Ryoga sighed. First he'd started out by just being weird, with his sense of direction. Then he'd gotten cursed. Then he'd discovered he wasn't even human. Then he'd become a sex-changing super-hero/ heroine. It was bad enough when people knew the first one or two of those things. He wanted to keep the others secret. No need to alienate people further. *What a pick-up line _that_ would be,* he thought sourly. *Hi, my name's Ryoga Hibiki. I'm also that masked super hero you have posters of on your locker doors. Plus, I go by the name of Magical Girl Ryoko. And I'm only partly human.* Noooo. That could _definitely_ stay a secret.
"No-body will recognize you. It's like a built in natural defence thing. Like Sailor Moon. Pigtails like that should get you spotted like that." She snapped her fingers. "But they don't. Somewhere out there is a girl with one blonde pigtail hacked off who looks identical to Sailor Moon. But nobody will ever know it's her. Of course, sometimes there will be the odd person who finds out." She grinned. "But trust me. Even with those cuts down your face, no-one..."
"You can still see them?!!" Ryoga raised a hand to his face, unconsciously running his ringers along the narrow slash marks. He groaned. "That's it. I'm done for. The second someone turns a light on, they're gonna know it's me. And with Nabiki Tendo in the area, the whole city would know by midday tomorrow!"
"And yet you plough onwards," Skuld joked.
Ryoga made a face. "Of course. If I get rid of this demon, then he might just forget about this rematch... or at least change the terms a little." Skuld nodded silently as he continued. "Why on Earth does he have a cosmic law concerning his fights?"
"I have no idea."
Arriving at the Dojo, Ryoga looked around apprehensively. "Do you feel it?"
Skuld frowned. "There's something wrong.. it's too widespread."
"What do you mean?"
At the same moment, the shadows erupted around his ankles. "She means I'm everywhere around you!" The voice wasn't loud, but it had the effect of sending shivers racing down the lost boy's spine.
With a yell of surprise, Ryoga found himself sinking into the black shadows that oozed around him.
"You truly think I would've been as naive as to stay inside that body and not set a trap?" Merdith chuckled lightly. This was too easy! How had the others all managed to fail? The ShadowDemon lightly ran a finger along his jawbone. "Look what the cat brought in."
*She's toying with me... but for how long?* Ryoga realized as he struggled to free his arms, but to no avail.
"Sweet dreams, little one." Merdith was impressed. Most people gave in to the shadows within seconds, eventually realizing that it would end all their fear and pain. But this one was still struggling violently. "Close your eyes and go to sleep..."
End Part XV
Final song - In The Air Tonight
=============
PART XVI
Shadow Puppets.
=============
PS - I apologize in advance about the fact that I suck at writing fight scenes.
"CHARGE!!!"
Cologne once again dodged the postbox, which once again, crashed into the wall. It lay there for a moment before climbing to it's feet. The old woman's eyes widened slightly. "Not bad. Not bad indeed. You may not be the most skilled of warriors, but you have an obnoxiously high level of endurance."
"So I can marry Shampoo, right?" Tsubasa asked again.
Cologne thought for a moment. She could tell that it was obviously a love potion that had gotten the two together, but she was getting heartily sick of all the fiance chasing. Shampoo adored Tsubasa, Tsubasa adored Shampoo and once they got to China, she could always get some shampoo 114 and make them believe that they'd always been in love, just in case the potion wore off. Ah.... She could almost smell the air of China already... clean and refreshing .... With undertones of rotting vegetables. With a small frown, she sniffed a little harder. "What's that smell?"
The source of the strange smell was revealed a moment later as Mousse slowly walked into the restaurant, covered in garbage.
"What happened to you?!" Cologne asked in slight concern. After all, the boy was still an Amazon.
Mousse shook his head a little. "I don't want to talk about it," he mumbled. "I'm going to take a bath, OK?"
This was very strange. Mousse had entered, not glomped anything, not declared his love to the furniture and not gone ballistic at Tsubasa. *Ah yes, Tsubasa.* The old lady turned to he boy. "I have made my decision."
"Yes, honoured Elder?" Tsubasa asked hopefully. He had been carefully warned by Shampoo about respect for the old lady and had bitten off the urge to refer to ghouls and mummies. A point in his favour.
Cologne smiled. "Call me ... Great-Grandmother... Son-in-Law."
Shampoo had obviously been listening at the door. She charged through it (And by this, I mean she charged through the actual door, and not the doorframe) and glomped Tsubasa happily. "Aiya! Shampoo so very, very happy! We go back China..."
"China?" Tsubasa thought about it for a second as Shampoo continued.
"Go back China, get married, make lots of babies!" That made up his mind.
"AFTER you're married!" Cologne reminded the pair as they left the room, hand in hand. She sighed. *I guess I'm just a hopeless romantic at heart.* Unfortunately, she had far more pressing matters to deal with - such as how to get Tsubasa, Shampoo and Mousse to China without Mousse attempting to rip Tsubasa into tiny shreds. Nothing came to mind.
Ah well. She'd just have to leave him to make his own way back.
~~~~~
Mousse continued to fume as he soaked in the tub. *Girlyboy... HA!* He was twice... no, TEN times the man Hibiki was. How dare that dizzy idiot call him that?!!
He sighed and toyed with his hair. OK, so maybe she wasn't a dizzy idiot. But she was definitely lucky. He'd launched a flying kick at her, and at the last moment she had the utmost luck to slip over! He'd gone sailing over her head and straight into a garbage cart. And she'd started _laughing_ at him! If he hadn't had the unfortunate luck to fall out of the cart and into a puddle, she'd have been laughing on the other side of her face.
Mousse didn't usually fight girls. But she'd REALLY irked him.
Nobody called Mousse more of a girl than Hibiki and got away with it.
~~~~~
Ukyo looked pleadingly at Ranma. "PLEASE just change the terms, that's all I'm asking. You can still fight him."
Ranma was torn for a moment. Then Merdith's dark spell took over and he shook his head again. "I said no, Ucchan, and I mean no. A warrior doesn't go back on his word, you know that. Besides, the higher the stakes, the greater the motivation." He made a face. "I finally figured out that's how Nabiki always wins at Monopoly." He gave her an arrogant grin. "Besides, why are ya all worried about him?"
Ukyo sighed and looked at the floor. Her hair fell over her face. "He's always been alone, hasn't he? Even when he could find his own house he was still alone." She lifted up her face slightly. "All his friends are here, in Nerima. All the friends he's ever had." She gazed imploringly at her oldest friend. "After a lifetime of loneliness, are you going to take away the first friends he's had in years?"
Ranma looked at her in amazement. "You _ARE_ worried about him!"
Ukyo flushed. "I am NOT! It's just... I've spent most of my life alone too. And I know I'd be really upset if I was never able to see my friends again."
Ranma looked bored. "He's a big boy. He'll be fine. And who knows, he might be really lucky and win." He leaned over and patted on the shoulder. "And if he doesn't, well, you get rid of one freeloading, unwanted fiance."
Ukyo stiffened. "Maybe I happen to like having freeloading, unwanted fiances, you ever think of that?" She stood up, her gaze stony. "I liked the last one well enough, didn't I? And somehow, he still manages to keep control of my life." With that, she stalked out of the Dojo, leaving Ranma sitting behind her, stunned into silence.
As soon as she was outside, Ukyo leaned against the wall of the Dojo and tried to gather her jumbled thoughts into focus. She'd actually said that she liked having that idiot jackass Ryoga around. It was true. She really did like having him around in the restaurant. But what had Ryoga meant by saying "I'm going to lose anyway, it's a universal law?" If he lost then that meant she'd never see him again. *I _DO_ like my unwanted, freeloading, idiotic jackass of a fiance* she silently admitted. Not as much as she liked her wanted- but-ex fiance, Ranma Saotome, she quickly reminded herself. Even though she'd sort-of chosen Ryoga at the moment. *ONLY at the moment* she reminded herself sternly. She still loved Ranchan... *Speaking of which, I'd better emphasize the fact that I'm still interested, before he thinks that I don't want him anymore.*
Although, Ranma hadn't ever really treated her as more than a friend... kind of like the way Akane treated Ryoga, except Ranma _knew_ she loved him and Akane hadn't the faintest idea that Ryoga loved her.
*poof*
A little devil appeared on her shoulder. "You know Ranma just likes you as a friend."
She frowned. "Shut up, you."
"He never even hugged you or anything, not like Ryoga did today."
"You shut that up, Right Now," Ukyo spluttered. She forced the disturbingly pleasing memory out of her head.
*poof*
A little angel appeared on her other shoulder. "Uh... why are you here?" it asked the devil.
"Isn't thinking about two guys at the same time a bad thing?" the devil asked, evidently confused.
The angel shrugged. "I didn't think it counted if she was trying to reach a good outcome."
"Would you two knock it off?!" Ukyo hissed. "I don't know why you're even doing this. Ranma-honey's the only one for me!
The devil shook it's head and sighed. "Ah, to hell with this. Lets just go consult the handbook."
*poof*
*poof*
Ukyo shook her head. "That was very strange." She massaged her skull. "Very, very strange."
Akane appeared around the corner. "Ukyo! Hi! What are you doing here?"
"I came to talk to Ranchan about his rematch with Ryoga." She wisely decided not to mention what was at stake. Akane was far too likely to use her mass weaponry on her fiance and scream a lot. Which really wouldn't help much.
"Ranma want's a rematch?!" Akane looked shocked. "Is he crazy?!!"
Ukyo shrugged. "Why? How close was the fight?" They walked down the corridor towards Akane's room and stopped outside the door.
"Come on it, I'll tell you all the details. And," she added, eyes twinkling. "I got a few magazines today with some great pictures of Magical Guy Makoto."
Ukyo immediately responded. "Now you have my attention!" she said with a grin. "If there was one guy who had a chance of stealing my heart away from Ranchan, it would have to be him," she gushed merrily, picking up a magazine.
"A little star struck, are we, Ukyo?" Akane teased.
Ukyo bopped her over the head with the mag. "Hey! It's not like I'm a lovesick teen from Osaka or something! It's a little different when you've actually been rescued by the guy."
Akane nodded. "I know how you mean. So how many times has he rescued you now?"
"About six. And his sister's rescued me twice." Ukyo flicked through the pages and came to a stop on one. "It's strange. Those two always seem to work so close to each other, but you never see both at the same time. I wonder why."
Akane frowned. "Really? There has to be a photo of the two of them together somewhere." She began leafing through one too. "See if you can find one."
A few minutes later they gave up. "Ah, well. It's not like it matters." Akane picked up a mag with a large glossy photo of Magical Girl Ryoko, a slight scowl on her face.
Ukyo spotted it. "What's up?"
"Huh? Oh, it's nothing really." She sighed and put the magazine down. "Ranma thinks she's kawaii."
Ukyo shrugged. "It's not like _he's_ gonna need rescuing from _her_!"
Akane laughed a little. "He'd probably end up rescuing her." The smile was suddenly replaced by a frown. "And she'd fall for him and he'd fall for her and I'd have no-one."
"There's always Makoto."
Akane laughed again and this time the smile remained. "Hey, what does Ryoga think of the new magical girl?"
Ukyo smiled. "He said she's really pretty but he prefers brown hair to black." She deliberately left out the part where he'd mentioned liking long haired girls. *Because we have to make another Akane and Ranma splitup plan,* she quickly decided. *We haven't done that for ages. Wouldn't be right for Akane to think that he didn't like her because she had short hair.* She leaned against the window and looked out at the sunset. "Isn't it pretty out tonight..."
"Yeah." Akane pressed her nose against the glass and squinted down at the lawn. She frowned. "Is that baka Ranma fighting with his father again? Daddy told them not to until the walls were fixed." She pulled out her transdimensional mallet. "We'd better go stop them before any more damage gets done."
Ukyo nodded slowly, a large sweatdrop appearing on her forehead as she wondered how the mallet was supposed to prevent damage.
~~~~~
Merdith watched with nothing short of horror on her face as the binding spell cast by Skuld held long enough for Ryoga to pull himself out of the shadows. "Can't we just talk about this?" she pleaded gently, trying to cast her spell over his mind.
"No. We can't. We can end it now." Ryoga raised his wand before adding "And I don't like to play with the prey." That was all the demons were, parasites preying on human emotions and sometimes even human flesh. He felt no joy in his work and didn't like to prolong it.
The next thing he knew, he was being slammed in the back of the head. Stars flashed before his eyes. *Must be an accomplice....* he thought, trying his hardest to remain conscious. He wondered why the words "Ranma, you jerk!" were bouncing through his head. Maybe he'd ended up in Ranma's body again. *Yuk!* That had been horrible just once.
Next thing he knew, he was being held tightly. "Akane, you idiot!" a voice (far too) near his ear yelled. "You just whacked out Magical Guy Makoto!"
*It can't be...* He forced his eyes open and looked up. "Ucch.." he caught himself. "Uh.. Ukyo?"
Ukyo almost dropped him instantly. "Oh, I'm sorry! Are you all right? Did she hit you hard?"
"Not too hard..." Ryoga managed, before closing his eyes and wincing at the pain in his head. "OK, so that _was_ pretty hard." He groaned and snuggled back into Ukyo arms. *If she ever finds out it's you, she'd going to kill you very slowly for this,* a small voice warned him. Ryoga ignored it. His head hurt, the spell was catching up to him and he was just so very comfortable...
"WAKE UP YOU MORON!!!!!"
Ryoga jumped to his feet, startled by the concealed Mini-Skuld's shriek. "Where did she go?" he asked carefully.
"She slipped off when Akane and Ukyo made their dramatic appearance," she reported. "Keep a sharp eye out and try to get those two back to some sort of safety."
"Then what?"
"Put your mask back on straight, it's slipping."
"What's going on?" Ukyo asked nervously. "Who are you talking to?"
"I have a radio link with my sister," Ryoga lied quickly. He looked around the darkening garden, searching for any sudden movements. Something flickered in the corner of his vision and he whipped around. "Hiyaa!"
Ranma flinched and found himself pinned to the wall by an icicle that speared the fabric of his shirt. "Hey! Take it easy!" He pulled the icicle out and advanced. "I'm Akane's fiance, not some demon hell bent on destruction."
Ryoga remained on guard. "Sure? It got in through you, in any case."
"Hey, you!" Skuld hissed at him. "Stay on guard!"
Akane unconsciously moved closer to Ranma. "What's happening?"
"Ranma, get them out of here," Ryoga quietly ordered. "Now, before..."
"Makoto!"
He sensed, rather than saw the attack coming. Without even pausing to think, he grabbed Ukyo and jumped onto the roof as the ground behind him folded in on itself. Then twisted in midair to launch a quick series of attacks at Merdith. Ukyo screamed in surprise. "Are you all right?! You're not hurt, are you?" Ryoga asked in concern, mistaking her scream for one of pain.
"I-I'm fine," Ukyo gulped. She tightened her grip around his waist and buried her head into his tuxedo. "J-just a little surprised, that's all."
"Y-you d-d-don't have to hug me..." Ryoga stuttered, trying to pull away. How was he supposed to concentrate under these circumstances?! Sure, it was nice and all, but exceedingly distracting... luckily for them, Merdith was too injured to use the distraction against them.
After a moment, Ukyo regained her shy, star-struck instincts and let him go, blushing a deep shade of red. "I-I-I'm sorry! I-I didn't mean to d-do that..."
"It's OK, I don't mind," Ryoga quickly protested. The two of them stood in silence for a little while, unsure of what to say.
Finally, Mini-Skuld lost patience and whipped out her long handled mallet - which somehow managed to stay at normal size - and visible, despite the fact that she was still concealed - and whacked Ryoga over the head with it. "GET A GRIP AND FINISH IT!!!"
"OW! Jeez! Why does everybody in this town seem to get some sick satisfaction from pounding me with blunt objects?!?!" Ryoga grumbled.
"Well, the demon's weakened, one more attack should do it," Mini-Skuld informed him, ignoring his complaint.
"The demon's still around?" Ukyo enquired.
Ryoga nodded. "But don't worry. I won't let her hurt you - I mean anyone," he quickly corrected himself. Then paused. "Akane!" He began slowly torturing himself in his mind. *How could I...*
"Ranchan!" Ukyo covered her mouth with her hands. *I can't believe I...*
Mini-Skuld quickly brought them up to date. "They're fine. Ranma saved Akane and they're inside the Dojo resting."
Ryoga and Ukyo heaved small sighs of relief. "You'd better start making your way home too," Ryoga told the chef. "It's dangerous for you to stay here." He smiled shyly. "I'd hate for you to get hurt."
Ukyo blushed and stammered for a few moments before settling to give him a big smile and jumping off the roof. Ryoga looked at the spot she'd departed from for a few moments. *Wow... when she's not angry, she can be so nice! Almost...cute, even!*
"Umm... excuse me?!" a timid voice began behind him.
"AAAAAAA! DEATH!" Mini-Skuld screamed - directly in his ear.
"No! My name's Magical Girl Pretty Sammy!" Pretty Sammy squeaked. "I wanted to thank you and your sister for saving my life at that restaurant, that's all!" She stared at the ground for a second before working up the courage to add "I was also hoping, if it's not too much trouble, if I could have your autograph, please."
"... Uh... do you have a pen?"
*WHAM*WHAM*
"Finish the demon before it escapes!" Mini-Skuld hissed again, the mallet disappearing again.
Merdith decided she didn't like that plan one little bit. Not one. With a banshee howl, she launched herself at them. Ryoga very calmly grabbed Pretty Sammy around the waist and leapt high into the air before launching a final attack at the demon without bothering to call the name out because I can't be bothered to think of one. Landing in the garden and placing the girl on the floor, they both turned to survey the damage done to the local area.
Think demolition zone.
Think hotel sliding off a cliff.
Think "Danger - Arms Testing Ground."
Mix them all together and get Akane, Ayeka and C-Ko to finish it off.
Done that? Congratulations! You now have what remains of the local precinct! (Luckily, the Dojo is somehow still standing.)
Now picture avalanche.
+ Dam burst.
+ Flood plain.
All equals Soun Tendo.
Ryoga, Pretty Sammy and Mini-Skuld sweatdropped. "I think this is time for a tactical military order," Mini-Skuld advised.
"RETREAT!"
End Part XVI
Final song - Dance Into The Light
===================
PART XVII
Little Washu
Genius Scientist.
Lousy Geography Teacher.
===================
PS - I also apologize in advance about the fact that I suck at sugar scenes too.
"WAKE UP, YOU JACKASS!!!!"
Ryoga clutched the blanket tighter and pretended he couldn't hear her. True, she was knelt on the edge of the futon and screaming at the top of her voice, but there was always the off chance that he had concussion. Hell, he wouldn't be surprised if he _did_ have concussion, with Ukyo, Skuld and Akane regularly hitting him with blunt objects. *Maybe she'll give up and go away,* he thought fuzzily. *I should be so lucky!*
Ukyo gave up and walked away.
After a few moments of silence, Ryoga cracked an eye open to see if she really _had_ gone, before embracing his good luck and slipping back into sleep.
Luck is not a big fan of Ryoga Hibiki.
*SPLASH*
"YAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!" Ryoga-chan jumped to her feet, shivering all over. "That was COLD!!!"
"What can I say but whoops?" Ukyo courteously poured hot water over her before making her way to the door. "Now get a move on or we'll be late for school."
"Oh goodie. School. Be still my beating heart." Ryoga yawned. That was a definite drawback to staying in one place - having to go to school. And why so early?!? How teachers expected their students to learn anything when they were all half asleep was a mystery to him. He'd have skipped school today and gone back to sleep, but now his bedding was soaked. "Go away, then."
"Yes, Dad," Ukyo mumbled, walking over to the door. She paused in the doorway, then turned back to face him. "Hey. Where did you disappear to last night?"
"Huh? Me?" Ryoga pointed to himself and struggled to think of something. "I uh.. I went for a walk! Yeah, that's it!" He laughed nervously. "A short walk around the block, that's all! Y'know, it was a nice night and all..."
*A perfect night to be saved by Magical Guy Makoto...* Ukyo smiled dreamily. "OK, you get dressed, lost boy."
*Why on earth is she grinning like that?* Ryoga wondered, gazing at her. *Still... she's awfully cute when she does that.*
"What are you looking at?!" Ukyo asked, snapping out of her daydream.
"Huh? Nothing! Nothing at all!" Ryoga protested.
Ukyo turned into the Flaming Ukyo Fire Oni and gripped her spatula. "Are you saying I'm nothing?!!"
"What?! No! I never said that!" *Eep! Impending doom!*
"So you think I'm nothing to look at?!!"
"No!" Ryoga quickly scanned the room for his clothes. If he was going to be air mailed across Japan, he wanted to do it fully clothed at least. This meant that his mouth spoke before his mind could double check the words. "You're nice to look at."
"WHAT?!???" Ukyo dropped her spatula in surprise.
"Umm... Gotcha!" Ryoga poked her in the center of her forehead, throwing her off balance. She landed on the floor, slightly dazed.
"Th-th-th... THAT was DIRTY!" she wailed, jumping to her feet.
"You snooze, you lose," he shrugged, finally locating his trousers (under the futon), his shirt (wedged behind the chest of drawers), socks (bookcase) and shoes (wardrobe, surprisingly enough).
~~~~~
Ukyo sneaked a quick peek at Ryoga as he tried to organize his homework into some sort of order. *Did he really mean what he said...?* Watching him, she stifled a small snigger as the pages slipped out of his exercise book and showered over the floor. He muttered something uncouth under his breath and disappeared under the desk to retrieve them. *He's not so bad either.... and he _does_ look awfully like Magical Guy Makoto...*
"Psst! Ucchan!"
Ukyo looked around, startled, then let out a small squeal as something tapped her on the knee. She glanced under the desk, then slowly began fuming. "What on _earth_ are you _doing_?!!" she hissed to Ryoga, red-faced with anger and embarrassment.
Ryoga looked totally unfazed. "Could you move your foot? You're stood on my homework."
"Get out from there, you _pervert!_" Ukyo snarled, ignoring the request.
"What do you mean, pervert?!" Ryoga protested, tugging at the piece of paper. "There's nothing to look at!" He meant in the fact that she was wearing trousers and not a skirt. Ukyo didn't quite see that.
"JERK!!!" Unable to spatulate him, she settled for stomping on his fingers. Hard.
"OW!" He snatched his hand back with a hiss. "What did you do that for, you violent tomboy?!"
"Get out from under my desk, you perverted, womanizing idiot!"
"Get your stupid great big feet off my work and I'd be happy to!!" Ryoga tugged at it with his other hand.
"Get a room!" Ranma called.
"SHUT UP!!"
*STOMP*
"OW!"
"Don't tell Ranchan to shut up!"
"Excuse me under there!"
Ryoga jumped in surprise at the new voice, promptly slamming his head on the underside of the table. "Miss Washu Sensei!"
The alien scientist sighed. "Little Washu!! And what are you doing under Miss Kuonji's desk?"
Ryoga flushed in embarrassment. "She's uh... stood on my homework."
Ukyo blinked. "I am?"
"YES! You ARE!"
"Sorry." She shifted her feet slightly and Ryoga stood up with the sheet of paper, which now boasted a large footprint, and returned to his seat.
"OK, class, your regular teacher is sick so I'm filling in," Washu explained, walking to the front of the classroom. "Today, I thought we'd go on a field trip." She held her hand up for silence as the class began to whisper loudly.
"Where are we going?" asked Hiroshi.
Washu shrugged. "Dunno. We're going to follow Hibiki."
The whispers started up again. "Sensei, are you sure that's wise?" Akane asked above the din.
"That's Little Washu. And no, it probably isn't wise, but it'll definitely be interesting! The principal's also given us the rest of the day off to get _really_ lost in, so you get to skip maths!" This made the expedition an instant success with everyone and Washu grinned cutely and bounced over to Ryoga's desk. "Is that OK with you?"
"I... I guess so..."
"Good." Washu paused for a second before continuing, slightly bashfully. "I figured that this would be a good opportunity to find out how you get lost so easily."
"O-OK..."
"Ready class?" Washu began to move around the classroom, advising various students on what to take with them and other such advice.
Ukyo leaned over to Ryoga. "Hey, this would be a perfect opportunity to split up Ranchan and Akane!" she whispered gleefully.
"Huh? How?" Ryoga looked blankly at her.
Ukyo grinned. "I'll walk with Ranchan and charm the socks off him, and you can walk with Akane and impress her with your vast and extensive knowledge of the country. We'll keep them separated. First for the field trip, then for life!"
Ryoga looked doubtful. "Are you sure that will work? What if they decide they _want_ to walk together?"
Ukyo frowned. "Don't be such a pessimist! As if they're going to want to walk together! She hits him all the time and he insults her!"
"Like us," Ryoga observed without thinking.
Ukyo scowled. "So? _We_ don't want to walk together, do we?!"
"No way!"
*CLANG*
Ukyo lifted the spatula and glared at him. "You don't have to sound _that_ horrified! Go and give Akane your usual cute - I mean _clueless_ grin andaskhertowalkwithyou!" Mortified by her slip, she turned and dashed over to Ranma, her face burning.
Ryoga remained sat in stunned silence. *Did she... just call me... _cute_?*
~~~~~
"Oh WOW!" Mihoshi bubbled happily, gazing over the ocean and clinging tightly to Ryoga's arm. She grinned perkily at him. "The ocean's so beautiful, don't you think?"
Ryoga nodded aimlessly. He long since given up trying to prise the girl from his arm - and besides, it was nice to have company who appreciated him, he thought sourly as Akane stared daggers at Ukyo, who was alternating between bubbling at Ranma and trying to disembowel Mihoshi with her eyes. He sighed and looked at Akane again. "Akane, don't you think the ocean's pretty?" he asked woodenly, expecting her to reply with another answer - if she answered at all - from the girls handbook to conversations that aren't worth listening to. (Made a best seller during football season when us females had better things to do than be given step-by-step explanations of the match.)
Akane looked back at Ranma again, who was laughing at one of Ukyo's jokes, and fumed silently. *That JERK! Well, two can play that game!* She grabbed Ryoga's other arm and smiled sweetly. "I think the ocean is _beautiful_!" she gushed merrily, raising her voice a little. "It's so ROMANTIC!!!"
Oh good. She wasn't about to mallet him. Then he blinked. "Huh?!!!" *She replied?!?!*
Mihoshi growled and clutched Ryoga's arm tighter.
Behind them, Hiroshi and Daisuke glared jealously at them. "This is so unfair!" Hiroshi grumbled. "Look - Hibiki has two, Masaki has two. Can't they share the girls out fairly?"
Behind _them_, Ryoko growled. "We are not candy bars!" Her expression brightened. "But you can have Ayeka if you want!"
"Why would they want me when they can have you?!" Ayeka replied.
Tenchi groaned. "I'm going to walk with Miss Washu."
"You can't walk with me until you call me Little Washu!!" the teacher shouted.
Ryoga suddenly stopped. "Hey. Where did these giant head statues come from?!"
Washu walked into his back, then looked around. "Oh. We're on Easter Island... EASTER ISLAND?!?!"
"WHAT?!?!" screamed Ukyo in horror, charging forward and clouting Ryoga over the head with her spatula.
"OW! What did you do that for?!" he protested, rubbing his head. "And where are we, anyway?"
"Easter Island is an island off the coast of Chile. We are supposed to be in Japan!" Ukyo hissed.
Ryoga shrugged. "Maybe we are. Nobody noticed us cross an ocean or anything - maybe these heads are just imitations of the ones on Easter Island."
Washu shook her head, looking very pale. "I just checked. Somehow, in just a few hours, we have managed to get from Japan to Chile. Without crossing any oceans either." Her face broke into a broad grin and she gleefully smacked Ryoga on the back. "If I can figure out how you managed to do that, it could revolutionize space travel! Cross vast open areas of space without noticing! It's incredible!"
Ryoga laughed nervously and scratched the back of his head. "I hate to say it, but it's also probably a fluke. It only happens every so often when I'm traveling, and if we want to get back to Tokyo today we're going to have to find a different way."
Washu blinked. "Pardon?"
"Ocean crossing is fine if I'm going in a random direction. If we want to get back to Tokyo it won't work. It never works when there's a specific destination in mind. But I can't control it - it seems to happen by chance. We can't rely on it to get us back - we don't want to end up in Kosovo or someplace like that," Ryoga explained. He was fully used to this happening - it was how he'd first gotten to China. Getting back to Japan though, he'd had to hike for weeks, then take a boat, then hike some more.
Washu massaged her temples. "So basically, we walked about fifteen miles here and we have to walk thousands back?"
"Yes."
*THUMP*
Ranma blinked. "Why'd Little Miss Washu Sensei faint?"
Ryoko blinked. "Something has actually fazed Washu?!"
Washu sat up. "That's 'Mom' to you, young lady!" She sprang to her feet and began to think. A quick check of the register proved everybody to be present. "Hibiki, what do you know about this place?"
Ryoga thought. "In 1722 several thousand Polynesians inhabited the island, but disease and raids by slave traders reduced the number to fewer than 200 by the late 19th century. The island was named by a Dutch explorer who landed here on Easter Day in 1722. The Chilean government annexed the island in 1888. An area on the western coast is reserved by the government for the indigenous population; the remainder is used as grazing land for sheep and cattle. The ancestors of the present Polynesian population are thought to have traveled in canoes from the Marquesas Islands, massacred the inhabitants, and made the island their home. Many archaeologists believe that at the time of the invasion the megaliths, including about 600 statues, were standing throughout the island and that many were destroyed by the Polynesians during a period of violence on the island."
"You're so smart!" Mihoshi gasped. "So what are we going to do, Miss Washu?"
Washu thought for a moment. "This western coast is for the general population?" Ryoga nodded. "So they'll have telephones?" Ryoga nodded again. Washu clapped her hands. "Then I guess the only thing for us to do is to call home and tell them we'll be back tomorrow, hopefully. I'll tell Principal Kuno that we're here because of the archaeological interest and we can all camp here tonight!"
Ryoko sidled up to her mother. "Why don't I just call up Ryo-ohki?" she whispered.
Washu grinned. "Because although these students may be a little more used to high levels of craziness than the ones at Tenchi's old school, I think the appearance of a huge space ship may just freak them out." She winked conspiratorially. "Besides, don't you want to spend the evening on a romantic island with Tenchi?" She grinned wider as Ryoko rushed away. *Plus it'll be amusing, and I get a chance to study my guinea pig further!*
Chattering ran through the students, who quickly weighed up the pros and cons. Many of the girls gave evil grins as they thought of various ways to capture the love of their lives - in a romantic island setting, how could they fail?
Many of the boys also sported evil grins as they considered ways to smuggle the girls into their beds past the eagle eyes of Washu .... Sorry, gained access to Hiroshi and Daisuke's minds for a second.
"Where are we going to sleep?" Sayuri began. This began a flood of questions.
"How are we going to pay for food?"
"What are we going to eat?"
"We don't have any tents!"
"What are we going to _wear_?!?!"
Washu waved her hands in the air. "I have a dimensional portal. I can call up food, drink, tents, clothes and other assorted junk from there, OK?" *After all,* she reasoned, *if seeing Ryoko waving her sword around and teleporting through walls doesn't faze this lot, _nothing_ will! And this is a perfect chance to study Hibiki!*
Ranma shrugged. "Sounds fine to me. But how many tents can you call up?"
"I dunno. They'll probably be four man tents." Washu observed Ryoko and Ayeka out of the corner of her eye and added, "And it will be single sex tents, you all got that?!?!"
There were a few groans of disappointment, although Hiroshi and Daisuke were currently begging Ryoga and Ranma to share with them and plotting ways to get the two totally soaked.
~~~~~
The rest of the day was spent sightseeing, playing around on the beach, exploring the local area and putting up tents as Washu decided they all needed a break as they'd be doing a lot of traveling the next day. It was now evening on Easter Island and most of the class were gathered around the bonfire in the middle of their camping ground. Ryoga idly scanned the group as he roasted the marshmallows he'd brought earlier to share around. Yuka and Sayuri had gathered a small crowd of girls and were currently holding some sort of fashion show with the clothes they'd liberated from the dimensional portal with a small gang of boys giving them their opinions. Ranma and Akane were arguing, surprise, surprise although he really couldn't be bothered to go over there and smack Ranma over the head. Ryoko and Ayeka were also arguing. Gosunkugi was hammering a straw doll into a tree trunk. Hiroshi and Daisuke were filling water pistols. Tenchi was hiding.
Ukyo sat down next to him and pinched a marshmallow. "Tonight. You can get Akane and I can get Ranchan," she stated, ignoring Mihoshi's glare.
"Mmm hmm." He winced as Akane whacked Ranma over the head with a tent pole. "You going to nurse his injuries?"
Ukyo grinned. "Good idea, sugar!" She clapped him on the back and his marshmallow fell into the fire. "Oops."
"You can have one of mine," Mihoshi offered.
"Thanks." Ryoga peeled it off the skewer. "Ow hot!"
"Idiot," Ukyo proclaimed fondly. "You know anything about astronomy?"
Ryoga nursed his burnt fingers and glanced at her. "A little, why?"
"There you are! When the sun finishes setting, you can offer to point out the constellations to Akane and it'll be so romantic... it can't fail!"
Ryoga stole another look at Akane, who was still chasing after Ranma with deadly weaponry. Somehow, seeing her like that didn't make him feel romantic, it made him feel terrified. *He probably deserved it,* he tried to convince himself. It wasn't working. He'd probably made an off-hand remark which she'd taken the wrong way. *But she only gets so mad because she cares about him.* With a small sigh, he skewered another marshmallow and held it over the flames. *I wish I'd never ended up in Ranma's body!* Now he couldn't hurt Ranma every time Akane got upset because now he _knew_ it wasn't all Ranma's fault. *She _is_ a little over reactive, I guess.*
"Penny for your thoughts," Mihoshi inquired lightly.
"Hmm?" Ryoga shrugged. "I wasn't thinking much."
"Same as usual, then?" Ukyo teased.
"Meanie," he replied cheerfully. Now _this_ was nice. Good friend on one side, violent fiancee not being violent on the other. "Marshmallow?"
"Thanks." She bit the marshmallows off the skewer with a giggle.
"Hey! I meant one! And you've got it all over your face, you mucky idiot!" Somehow this was a lot more fun than trying to make small talk with Akane and mucking it up.
Mihoshi laughed a little. "Have another of mine," she offered. She grinned at Ukyo. "You go get your Ranma," she said encouragingly.
Ukyo edged a little closer to the fire. "Yeah, in a minute." Truth was, she was in no hurry to cut in on the couple's argument - people rarely were - and besides, it was nice to sit and joke and roast marshmallows while watching the sunset with her idiot fiance who wasn't being an idiot and a sort of friend... "Hey Mihoshi, want to share a tent?"
"Sure!" Mihoshi was pleasantly surprised. "I was going to share with Ryoko and Ayeka but they do nothing but argue over who Tenchi likes better."
Ryoga laughed. "Girls. I will never understand you, ever."
*SPLASH*
Ryoga-chan jumped to her feet with a small scream, turning to glare at Daisuke. "I'm SOAKED!!! What did you do THAT for?!?!"
"I thought it would help you understand girls better," Daisuke lied.
"What I _do_ understand," Ryoga-chan growled, "is that I am cold, wet and pissed off where I wasn't a moment ago."
The mood was spoilt. Ukyo sighed and stood up. "Well, I'm going to go talk to Ranchan. I'll send Akane over."
"Goodie." Ryoga-chan tried to mask her lack of enthusiasm. *Marvelous. Send Akane over while I'm a girl. Grrrrrreat idea.*
Mihoshi sighed. "I'll go get a kettle."
Ukyo lingered around for a moment longer after sending Daisuke away with threats of pain echoing through his mind. "Good luck with Akane, sugar."
"You too," Ryoga-chan replied. "I mean, good luck. With Ranma, that is."
Ukyo smiled and gave her a little wave. "Tell me how it goes!"
"I wonder what she sees in him," Ryoga-chan wondered aloud as Ukyo walked away.
"Sees in who?"
"Huh?" A genuine smile appeared on Ryoga-chan's face. "Tenchi. I see you've come out of hiding at last!"
Tenchi laughed ruefully. "Yeah. I hope it'll soon be dark enough that neither of them notice me."
"I don't suppose you could do me a big favour and keep Mihoshi occupied while I talk to Akane?" she asked hopefully. "I mean, she's nice, I like her, but I want to talk to Akane alone."
"No problem."
Mihoshi chose that moment to reappear with the kettle. Tenchi waited until Ryoga was back to normal, before dragging her away to buy some more marshmallows to replenish supplies. A few minutes later, Akane wandered over and sat down next to Ryoga with a scowl on her face. "What's the matter?"
Akane pointed to Ranma and Ukyo. "Three's a crowd, that's what."
"Oh." After a short silence, he offered her the bag. "Y-you want to roast marshmallows?"
"OK." Akane skewered a few, then settled back, her eyes never leaving the couple. There was another short silence. It was followed by a longer silence.
"Um... nice night, eh?" Ryoga started, watching the marshmallows blacken. "You can see all the stars here, out of town."
"That's nice. Do you know what they're talking about?"
"No." *And I don't care, either.*
"I'll bet that womanizing jerk's trying to get her back on his good side so he'll get free food again," Akane grumbled. "He doesn't get free food now. Shampoo emptied her ramen over his head and Ukyo flattened him."
"Did you know that this island is formed from three extinct volcanoes?" Ryoga began again.
"He keeps saying he's hungry, but he still won't eat my cooking."
Ryoga glanced at her out of the corner of his eye. She was still staring at Ranma and Ukyo. "Hey. I'm going to bungee jump off the top of Everest and knit a pair of socks on the way down," he said dryly.
"It's not my fault my cooking's bad, I try, I really do, but that jerk just won't appreciate it!"
"You've ruined your marshmallows. They're on fire." He decided there was wasn't any point in pointing out the shooting star in the sky.
Akane ignored him. "I mean, he never tries anything I offer him without checking to make sure who made it first."
"Akane, your marshmallows are on fire," Ryoga repeated. It wasn't particularly important, but surely she could notice the temperature of the skewer, which was beginning to glow red.
"If I offer him food that Kasumi obviously made, he'll still ask first. I told him that I'd cooked some cookies and it was really Kasumi who'd cooked them and they smelt _great_ and he _still_ refused to try them!"
"Watch it, you'll get burned!" Ryoga snatched the skewer away from her. "OWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!! HOTHOTHOTHOT!!" he yelped, shaking his hand in pain and dropping the red-hot metal skewer on the floor.
~~~~~
"...And she still insists on feeding me that toxic sludge she calls cooking, no matter how many times I beg her not to. I can't trust anything she offers me - she thinks it's normal for food to break the laws of physics!" Ranma continued.
Ukyo pasted a smile on top of her scowl and laughed loudly. She was sick to the back teeth of hearing about Akane, Akane, Akane! If he hated her so much, why did he go on about her so much? She could barely get a word in edgeways and when she could, he obviously wasn't listening. "Ranchan, I'm going to streak across Antarctica."
"If she would just try some first, or let me help her and actually listen to what I was trying to say, she might make something edible one day.... Hey, what're those two doing?"
Ukyo jumped to her feet and ran over to them, closely followed by Ranma as Ryoga let loose an ear-splitting yell. "Ryoga-sugar, what's wrong?! What did she do?!" She grabbed Akane by the collar. "What did you do to him, you violent tomboy?!!"
"Who's calling who a violent tomboy?!" Akane retorted angrily, shoving Ukyo away from her.
"I'm calling _you_ a violent tomboy! You beat up Ranchan and now you've hurt Ryoga!" Ukyo shoved her harder.
"STOP IT! BOTH OF YOU!!" Ryoga yelled, stepping in between them. Much to his surprise (and relief!) they stopped. "And I'm fine. Akane's marshmallows caught fire and I grabbed her skewer to stop her getting burned and wound up getting burnt myself. That's ALL!"
Ukyo scowled at the floor, feeling extremely foolish. "In that case... I'm sorry, Akane," she mumbled.
Akane matched her expression. "That's OK. If I'd been paying attention it wouldn't have happened."
Ukyo watched her and Ranma wander away before switching her gaze to Ryoga. "I guess that means you had no luck with Akane, huh?" she asked casually.
"You guess correctly." He sighed. "She didn't pay me the slightest bit of attention. What about you and Ranma?"
"No luck either. He just complained about Akane's cooking." She laughed. "How that girl can ruin a marshmallow is beyond me!" She settled down next to him. "How's your hand?"
"Hurts. It won't blister or anything though."
Ukyo grabbed his hand and looked at it critically. "You should hold it under cold water for a while," she advised as he tried to pull free.
"No thank you! I'm fine!"
"You're a macho idiot, that's what you are."
"I like being macho. It's encoded into the Y chromosome," Ryoga joked. "I don't want to become a girl - they're not macho, they're stubborn."
"'Kay class, go to your tents. We've got a long way ahead of us," Washu called. "Anyone who thinks it would be fun to disobey me will be used for scientific testing!!"
Tenchi charged over to his tent. "She's not joking, trust me on that!"
"Well, goodnight, Ucchan. See you in the morning," Ryoga waved and disappeared into a tent, only to be met by screams and projectiles. "Sorry! Wrong tent!"
~~~~~
Ranma couldn't sleep. Normally this wasn't a problem for him - what with spending his days battling various friends, fiancees and foes, he usually slept like a stone. When he couldn't sleep, it was either because Akane had given him food poisoning, he was under attack or baby phoenixes were trying to peck him into small pieces. What was unusual was that he couldn't sleep because he was thinking. (I mean it's unusual that he's giving up sleeping time to think rather than doing it at some other time - for example, during a lecture from his father.) It seemed to him that he had a few problems on his hands. Firstly, there was Ryoga and Ukyo. Him and Akane were definitely going to have to play matchmaker at some point. *That little scene at the bonfire _obviously_ proves that there's _something_ between them,* he decided. *Ucchan does not blow up at Akane for nothing.*
Then there was that stupid duel. Now there was no encouraging voice in his head, he was seriously questioning his sanity at asking for a rematch. *That voice was probably due to a blow on the head. There is no way I want to fight Ryoga in a rematch with those new tricks of his!* Although Ryoga seemed just as unenthusiastic at the prospect of a rematch as Ranma himself did - for no reason Ranma could see. *I would've thought Ryoga would be happy to beat me again.*
Hmm.... What to do, what to do.... He shrugged, rolled over and shook Ryoga. There was no _way_ this would work, but the reaction would be hilarious. "Hey lost boy, wake up!"
"G'way Ucchan. I'm asleep..." Ryoga mumbled into his pillow.
"It's Ranma, you idiot!" Ranma thought for a second. "She's been kidnapped!"
Ryoga pulled the blankets over his head. "Go away."
"A crazy prince has kidnapped her!" Ranma pulled the blanket away.
"Akane's a professional hostage, she'll be fine." Ryoga pulled the blanket back again. "Tell me again in the morning."
Ranma fought down a snigger. "Who said Akane? It's Ukyo who's been kidnapped."
"WHAT?!?!" Ryoga sat up and rubbed his eyes. "Why didn't you tell me SOONER?!?!"
"Gotcha." Ranma started to laugh. Hard. "Your face!"
*WHAM*
"Goodnight."
Ranma rubbed his face. He'd have a hell of a bruise in the morning, but that had been worth it! Well, it wasn't over yet. He reached out and shook Ryoga again. "Hey, Ryoga- chan..."
*WHAM*
"I said goodnight," Ryoga said calmly as Ranma twitched underneath the mallet.
"......ouch........" Ranma eventually managed to remove the mallet and read what was written on it. *From the people who brought you Akane Tendo's Mallet For Pounding That Jerk Ranma When He Screws Up My Day, is the Mallet For Casually Pounding Ranma Saotome Into Burger Meat. Not to be used for any other reason except maybe sending him into lower air orbit. Have a nice day.* He sweatdropped. *A _company_ actually do these things?!!!* He scowled. "Lost boy. You wanna call off that duel?"
"I wanna go to sleep. Push off."
"Look, do you want to call off that duel or not?"
Ryoga sighed. "Yes. Now _please_ would you let me go back to sleep?"
"One condition." Ranma grinned. It would be worth getting pounded into burger meat if this worked or not just to see the expression on his face.
"Whatever you want, Ranma. Just Shut Up." Ryoga pulled the pillow over his head and attempted to block out the sound of Ranma's voice.
Ranma bit his lip to keep from laughing. "One week. You have one week to kiss Ucchan or you leave town. If you manage it, I pay for all the okonomiyaki I freeloaded." He waited for the reply.
"OK, that's fine. Goodnight," came the muffled reply. Ranma facefaulted. There was a long silence.
It was followed by an even longer silence.
Ranma wondered whether Ryoga had fallen back asleep when he spoke up again. "I just agreed to do something _REALLY_ stupid, didn't I?"
"You just agreed to do something phenomenally stupid," Ranma confirmed.
"Oh." Pause. "Tell me I'm asleep and I dreamt that bit."
"You're asleep and you dreamt that bit," Ranma obliged. Pause. "Although that's not true."
After a moment Ryoga sat up. "I just agreed to either kiss Ucchan or leave town, didn't I?"
Ranma gave him a wide grin and nodded cheerfully. This was even more entertaining than the time Kuno had proclaimed his love for Nabiki before noticing he had the wrong Tendo sister! This was going to be worth any amount of pain Ryoga dished out! "No potions, no hypnotism, no telling her you want to kiss her and especially not _why_ you want to kiss her, it has to be the real thing, on the lips, tongues optional."
Ryoga stood up and pulled on his trousers, his face pale.
"Where are you going?" Ranma asked. "Raring to go already?"
"I'm going to commit seppuku."
~~~~~
Ukyo stared at the canvas ceiling before turning and glancing at the blond woman across the tent. "You awake, Mihoshi?" she asked after a while.
"Yeah."
She rolled over. "Watcha thinking 'bout, sugar?"
"Nothing," she replied quickly.
_Too_ quickly. Ukyo frowned. "Why do you like Ryoga, anyway?" she asked curiously. "It's not like you've known him long."
"Juliet didn't know Romeo for long," Mihoshi retorted.
"That's because they topped themselves within a week of meeting each other." Ukyo lay on her front and rested on her elbows. "Go on then, why do you like him?"
Mihoshi blushed. "I-I-I...."
"Come on!" Ukyo grinned at her. "I promise I won't laugh or anything."
"Promise?"
"Sure, I promise."
"He's cute..."
"Cute isn't everything!"
A short glare shut Ukyo up. "Would you let me finish?!"
"Sorry. So, he's cute." *Have to agree. No way am I saying I agree though!*
Mihoshi took a deep breath and looked skyward. "He's awfully kind, he's sweet, generous, caring, considerate, he's always leaping to your defence, he's strong, he always eats Akane's food even though it's more toxic than Ayeka's so he doesn't hurt her feelings and he's so shy it's adorable.... I'm babbling, aren't I?"
Ukyo blinked. "You are, rather."
"Bet you think I'm a real idiot," Mihoshi said defiantly.
*She's right.... He is nice..... maybe he's mean to me sometimes because he's _scared_ to be nice....* Ukyo thought about the few times he'd let slip with a comment about her being cute then quickly passed it off as demonic possession or temporary insanity or mind altering alien death rays. "No.... I think you might be right."
Mihoshi stared at her. "Huh?!!!! You think I'm right?!!!"
Ukyo blinked. "I said it aloud?! Oops!"
There was quiet for a while before Mihoshi spoke again. "Why do you keep trying to set him up with Akane?"
Ukyo sighed. "Because he loves her."
"WHAT?!?!" Mihoshi sat up in amazement. "You're kidding me!"
"'Fraid not, sugar. He's head over heels for her." For some reason she couldn't fathom, this came out in a spiteful sounding tone. She clenched her fists tightly.
"He didn't seem that enthusiastic to be around her today," Mihoshi began.
"Huh?! He didn't?!"
"Not really. She was practically ignoring him the entire time. He made a game of what kind of stupid statement it would take to get her to notice him." She giggled at the memory. "It was fun."
Ukyo frowned. She's done that with Ranma, telling him that she was going to commit suicide by jumping out of the window of her apartment as soon as she finished dinner (which was ridiculous - from that height, she barely get a bruise!) and he just continued to rant about how Mr Tendo wanted him to marry Akane before any more demons attempted to demolish the place. In the end she settled for laughing loudly at every opportunity to make Akane jealous. *Guess it worked.*
Mihoshi continued. "In the end he just gave up talking to her." She squinted at Ukyo. "Are you sure he's really in love with her? He flinched every time she spoke."
Ukyo contemplated the thought. Ryoga _not_ in love with Akane? That line went into the Nerima X-Files next to 'Ranma loses a fight,' 'Akane cooks edible food,' and 'Ukyo gets sick of cooking okonomiyaki.' Naaaaah. Not possible.
But if he didn't love Akane, how was she going to split up Ranchan and Akane? Or.... If he could fall out of love with Akane, then maybe it was possible that she'd fall out of love with Ranchan....
She stood up quickly.
"Where are you going?" Mihoshi asked.
"For a walk. I need to think."
~~~~~
Ryoga leaned against a boulder that happened to be conveniently near to the dying remains of the bonfire and tried to collect his thoughts, clutching his blanket tightly around him.
One week.
Seven days.
One hundred and sixty-eight hours.
Ten thousand and eighty minutes.
Six hundred and four thousand, eight hundred seconds.
That was the exact amount of time he had to kiss Ucchan.
It wasn't long enough.
It would _never_ be long enough. He couldn't kiss her, just thinking about it made him feel faint. There was no way he'd be conscious long enough. The only thing was, would he faint first or would she beat him unconscious? She'd never let him kiss her voluntarily and there was no way he'd force her, no way on hell. Besides, he wouldn't know what to do. Granted, he'd been kissed by Shampoo. But he'd only been conscious for... lets see now.... 1.64846 seconds. He was definitely not an A grade kisser. But if she ever did let him kiss her, then that would mean she liked him _that_ way and he didn't know if he liked her _that_ way but if he didn't and she let him kiss her and she found out, she kill him. Sloooooowly. In great pain. In interesting ways, over a long period of time.
No.
There was absolutely NO WAY AT ALL that he could kiss Ucchan without anyone getting hurt. Which meant the only option left was to leave Nerima for good.
A hand tapped him on the shoulder. "Hey, sugar."
"AAAAAAGGGGGGGGHHHHH!!!! DEATH!!!!" Ryoga jumped about twelve feet high and whirled around, expecting to see the Grim Reaper or something similar. *Worse. It's Ucchan.* He sat down again and glared at the sky. *Somewhere up there, one of you hates me and is laughing a lot.*
~~~~~
Sure enough, somewhere up there was a god who hated him and was laughing a lot. Fate and Destiny glanced at each other for a moment, before dragging him away and locking him in a broom closet.
~~~~~
"You're awfully jumpy, sugar," Ukyo commented, sitting down next to him. "Can't sleep?"
"Something like that. What about you?" Ryoga asked, trying to edge away from her in a none too obvious way.
"Something like that too." Ukyo snuggled up to him. "It's cold out here," she commented.
He swallowed hard and tried to wriggle away again. "Y-y-you c-can borrow m-my b-b- blanket ify-youwant..."
"This is nicer," she pointed out, in no mood to move away. He draped the blanket over her shoulders anyway and she murmured in appreciation. They sat like that for a while, neither saying anything.
Ryoga broke the silence first. "Ucchan.... do... do you like me?" he whispered shyly.
Ukyo thought for a moment before quietly replying. "Yeah... I like you." Ryoga relaxed a little, although she still decided he looked like he was about to bolt like a frightened deer. She opened her mouth to question him, but he spoke first. "Look! A shooting star!" He pointed to the sky.
Ukyo gazed at it in awe. "Wow.... It's so pretty!" *Ranchan never pointed out the stars to you* she thought. Then she realized he was unconsciously carrying out her suggestion to charm Akane - on her! "Hey, Ryoga?"
"Hmm?" He glanced down at her.
"Do you still love Akane?"
He visibly tensed and gripped the blanked tighter. "I-I don't know... I'm just not sure anymore. She's nice.... but she is _so_ paranoid." He lowered his head slightly. "I-I'm sorry."
"Hey. It's not anything to be sorry about, sugar," Ukyo assured him, slipping an arm around his waist. "I guess you're just realizing she's human too. She has her bad points, just like everyone else." She sighed. "Just like Ranchan."
Ryoga slid an arm around her and gave her a quick, reassuring squeeze. "Yep. I'm afraid Ranma is human too and not the missing link we thought he was." He instantly winced, expecting the moment to be shattered with a shout of "RYOGA, YOU JERK!!!" and a quick midnight flight to the beach. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean that...."
Ukyo giggled. "Idiot."
There was no anger in her voice, Ryoga was relieved to note. Maybe he was dreaming. He hoped he wasn't, he wanted to remember this and feel happiness and not anger/ pain/ depression/ any other negative emotion which usually happened when he thought of events. "Did you know this island is made from three extinct volcanoes?" he asked suddenly.
"You're pulling my leg." Ukyo rested her head against his arm and looked up at him. *Mihoshi's right.... He _is_ cute!*
"It's true. The statues are made from tuff, which is a volcanic rock. They quarried it from one of the craters... Rano Raraku, the crater's called."
"You're a walking encyclopaedia! The volcanoes aren't dangerous, are they?" she asked cautiously.
"Nah. The volcanoes are extinct. Can't hurt anyone," Ryoga reassured her, looking down at her. *She looks so pretty in the moonlight!* "You may want to watch out for the stone men though," he teased.
Ukyo looked eagerly at him. "You know something about them?"
Ryoga shook his head. "I know a _story_ about them. I never believed it when I was younger... but I just don't know anymore."
"Will you tell me the story? Please?" she asked in a sugar-sweet voice.
"Well.... OK then." He relented. "Many years ago, when the island first formed and the volcanoes were still active, a tribe lived here," he began in a soft voice. "They created giant stone men to help the tribe with their daily tasks and to guard them from danger. The giants were as gentle as kittens with the tribespeople, trusted with even the youngest child. But whenever any threat approached they became hostile and would destroy everything that was a danger."
Ukyo found her eyelids drooping in spite of herself and she tried to force them open. "What happened to them?" she asked. "How did they get the way they are now?" She yawned.
"Remember I told you the volcanoes were still active back then?" Ukyo nodded sleepily and Ryoga continued. "One day a volcano erupted. The tribe fled the island in terror. The giants tried to follow them to sea, but they were too slow and got engulfed, right up to the torso, in molten lava. And when the lava cooled down, they were stuck there forever, looking out over the sea where their owners disappeared." He looked at the dark, shimmering ocean. "Maybe they _were_ real..." he whispered softly. "Who am _I_ to doubt the existence of magic?" He glanced at Ukyo again. She was almost asleep, her head leant against his chest. *I'll let her sleep, then I'll carry her back to her tent,* he thought with a yawn, leaning back against the boulder. He allowed himself one last look at Ukyo. *She _is_ cute...* he silently admitted to himself. He thought back to the challenge Ranma had made. "I've got one week. Surely it can't hurt to try...." With that thought, he closed his eyes.
End Part XVII
Final Song - One More Night
============
PART XVIII
Back to Reality.
============
Mihoshi glanced around the tent as faint sunlight filtered trough the canvas. *Where's Ukyo...?* she wondered curiously, sitting up and stretching. *Surely she can't be awake already - it's just dawn!* She shrugged and pulled her clothes on. It wasn't important. Maybe she'd gone down to the beach or something for an early morning swim. Maybe she'd join her. Mihoshi grinned and left the tent, and wandered across the camp. And stopped when she noticed the two figures curled up by the boulder.
~~~~~
Ukyo yawned sleepily and refused to take notice of the tapping of her shoulder. *I'm sleeping... push off,* she mumbled in her mind. Her mouth gave up trying to form the words. The tapping stopped. Ukyo was glad. She didn't want to be woken up, she was perfectly comfortable where she was, Thank you _Very_ much.
After a few moments, she realized she was now being gently shaken. She groggily creaked an eyelid open, then shut it again. "G'way."
Finally, the person attempting to wake her up got pissed off and slapped her lightly. "What?!" she grumbled, exasperated.
"Ssh." Mihoshi smiled lightly. "Don't want to wake him up, he's cute when he's asleep."
Ukyo blinked a few times, then smiled faintly when she finally worked out who Mihoshi was talking about. "Uh... look, I can explain, really..."
Mihoshi smiled brightly. "It's OK. I understand." She paused, her smile changing slightly. "I see we reached an understanding last night - I scratch your back, you stick a knife in mine." She picked up a metal tent pole and wandered off. "Don't go anywhere," she bubbled brightly over her shoulder.
Ukyo frowned. *What's she up to?*
She quickly found out. Mihoshi skipped over to Ranma's tent and swung the tent pole she was carrying so it connected solidly with the center pole. "Hey! Wake up! Check out the hot new couple!"
Ukyo's eyes widened. "Stop that!" She twisted around and tried to wake Ryoga up. "Wake up you stupid jackass!" *I can't let Ranchan see me like this - he'll never let me hear the end of it!*
As Hiroshi, Daisuke and Ranma began to emerge from their tent, Mihoshi bounced over to the next tent. "Yoo Hoo! Wake up!"
Ukyo panicked. She only knew one way to wake Ryoga up and he hated it. "I'm sorry," she whispered, before picking up the sleeping boy and throwing him into the ocean.
~~~~~
One minute Ryoga was happily dreaming that he was getting married to Sailor Mars (long dark hair, short sailor suit and a job away from home - what could be more perfect?), the next, he hit water. This was unusual. Usually water hit him, not the other way around.
As usual, the contact of the icy cold water on his - now her skin made her gasp for breath. This was a bad thing today as she discovered she was in fact, underwater. The salt water made her retch and she inhaled another mouthful of the foul-tasting water. She started to panic as her trousers began to weigh her down and she tried frantically to claw for the surface as her body continued to betray her and forced her to cough.
Finally, she broke the surface and stumbled to the shore where she collapsed, sobbing and coughing up salt water.
"Ryoga! Are you all right?!"
Ryoga-chan looked up Ranma. "I-I-I'm f-f-fi *coff* ine, R-R-R-Ranma, c-cou *coff*coff* couldn't be b-better..." she said weakly, through chattering teeth. She hardly noticed as somebody - probably Washu, she suspected - wrapped a blanket around her and began to lead her up the beach. She stumbled a few times, so Ranma picked her up and began to carry her. Ryoga-chan was mortified. "P-put m-m-me down, S-Sa *coff* Saotome, or I-I'll b-b-break *coff*coff*coff* e-every *coff* b-bone in your b-body!" she quietly threatened.
Ranma ignored her. "What did you do to make Ucchan so mad?!" he asked curiously. "Was it about that deal we made last ni-"
"No." Ryoga-chan shook her head. "I-it w-was n-n-nothing to *coff* do with t-that." She scowled. *So Ucchan threw me into the ocean? Gee, I'll have to remember to thank her for that.*
She saw Ukyo as she was carried back to the camp and her scowl deepened. "Ryoga! Are you all right?!" Ukyo asked in concern. She glanced at Ranma. "Is it OK if I talk to him alone?"
Ranma shrugged and unceremoniously dumped her on the ground. "Sure."
Ryoga-chan glared at her fiancee some more, before running her fingers through her wet, sandy hair and pulling the damp blanket tighter round herself. "Well. Thank you _so_ much, Ukyo. And here I thought we'd come to some sort of understanding last night," she said, acidly. "What did you throw me in the ocean for? I nearly drowned! You couldn't at least've woken me up first, could you? No, instead you nearly kill me and humiliate me in front of our entire class."
Ukyo looked at her beseechingly. "I... I'm sorry...."
"Why did you do it?" Ryoga-chan stood up and looked down at her. "Why? A reflex reaction to waking up next to your 'idiot, jackass fiancee?' Are you ashamed to be seen with me? Or did you just think it would be an interesting way to wake me up?" Ukyo didn't reply and Ryoga-chan scowled. "Violent tomboy. I can't _believe_ I thought you were cute!"
"You thought _I_ was cute?"
"I must have been delirious," she said quickly. "I'm probably catching pneumonia from being continuously doused with cold water."
"You're not catching pneumonia and you get continuously doused with cold water because you deserve it," Ukyo snapped, anger starting to overtake guilt.
"And what did I do to deserve it today?" Ryoga-chan crossed her arms and waited for Ukyo to answer.
"..."
"Haven't got a reason, huh."
"Yes I have!" Ukyo snapped. "I wouldn't throw you into the ocean for no reason!"
"So what's the reason?"
"..... I don't have to tell _you_!!"
Ryoga-chan groaned and gave up. "Fine! Be that way! See if I care! Just don't expect me to be having any more late night chats with _you_ again, if that's how you're going to react!"
"I said I was sorry! You don't have to get all stroppy about it!"
"I woke up underneath ten feet of salt water! I'll be as stroppy as I want!"
Ukyo scowled. "Fine!!"
"Fi..*achoo!* As if I car...*achoo!*" Ryoga-chan gave up trying to finish the sentence and settled for turning her back on Ukyo and walking away angrily towards her tent, shivering violently.
"Hibiki!"
Ryoga-chan turned around to see Hiroshi and Daisuke run up to her. "Yeah? What do you..." She trailed off as her nose started to twitch again. "*ACHOO!* Dammit!" *I have got to get changed!*
"Hibiki, we will get straight to the point," Daisuke panted.
Hiroshi held out a bundle of money. "All this is yours if you stay female for an hour or so."
"You're joking, right?" Ryoga-chan said flatly, pulling an extremely baggy T-shirt over her head, wishing she'd brought a jumper with her. "Or have you both finally ... *achoo* lost what was left of your tiny little minds?"
"We're serious," Hiroshi said gravely and waved the money slowly. "You want it?"
Ryoga-chan watched the money, her mind working quickly. It was a rather thick wad of bills and it would probably pay off a sizeable chunk of her debt to Mr Tendo. And she was already a girl, so she didn't have to go through cold water torture again. Besides, if she said no and changed back into a guy, they'd probably just splash her anyway. And she didn't want that.
On the other hand, there was the question of why these two perverts wanted her to stay female. _ She_ didn't want to stay female - she was cold and her male side seemed to be more resistant to cold temperatures. Besides, none of her clothes fit right. Her shoes were too big, her shirts fell off her shoulders and the arms were too long and her trousers always fell down.
She sneezed again and sighed. All her clothes were soaked anyway and at least she could make a little money. "OK, thanks for the money. But why do you want me to stay this way?" she asked, tiredly.
"Because you're so hot...ouch!" Daisuke rubbed his head. "No need to hit me!"
"Pervert."
Hiroshi smiled slyly. "You should put some other clothes on, you know. You'll freeze to death like that." He handed her a bundle of cloth. "Here. These should fit you."
Ryoga-chan narrowed her eyes and took the clothes from his outstretched hands before disappearing into the tent. She examined the sleeveless royal blue silk Chinese jump-suit with a critical eye. Funnily enough it appeared to be the correct size instead of a size too small and didn't appear to be see-through or anything like that. *I wonder what those two are up to...?* she thought to herself.
Outside Hiroshi and Daisuke high-fived. "Perfect! We'll be out of debt with Nabiki in no time!" Daisuke gloated. "Plus, we get to see Ryoga looking like a real babe for once!!" He paused. "But why are we giving _her_ the photographs to sell? Even if we sell them at half price, we'll still be making more money than she pays us."
Hiroshi shook his head sternly. "If Nabiki found out we'd been selling photo's behind her back, she'd make our lives a living hell. Now don't even THINK along those lines again, d'you hear me?!!?"
~~~~~
"If we can get good rates, we may be able to get a tramp steamer to Japan or something," Washu said, tapping away at her computer. "Do you speak the language here?"
"Bits of it," Ryoga-chan informed her, rubbing her bare arms. "Is it just me, or is it chilly out here?"
"Just you. Put this on," Washu said, holding out a watch-like article.
"What is it?" Ryoga-chan asked cautiously, examining it critically.
"It'll measure different things, pulse, blood pressure, PKE readings and stuff. Perfectly harmless, it's just for research," the small scientist reassured her. She grinned cutely. "Don't say I can't do this - I did say that anyone who sneaked out last night would be tested on, remember?"
"Huh?! But I..."
Washu held out a hand, cutting her off. "I'm a teacher. Nothing escapes my all-seeing eyes!!! Mwahahahahaha!!!!"
"...." Ryoga-chan decided not to pursue the line of conversation any more.
Washu continued to tap away at her computer for a few seconds before speaking again. "You've caught a cold. Put a jumper on or something or it'll get worse."
"All my clothes are wet," she pointed out. "Anyway, I'll be fine."
"Suit yourself." Washu turned around and raised her voice to speak to the class. "I know you all think this is some kind of vacation and I hate to break your bubbles but I'm going to have to teach you all a little geography as we go along." She waited for the moans and grumbles to pass before attempting to speak again. "But I know better than to attempt it before at least after lunch. If you have any questions, don't hesitate to ask me, whether they're about geography, science or how the hell we're going to get back home. Follow me!"
Ryoga-chan blinked. "Aren't we supposed to be following me?"
"Hey, you kids aren't the only ones who can learn a lesson, you know! We have to get back to Japan now," Washu explained.
"Oh."
"Now then..." Washu smiled in a motherly way and patted her on the arm. "Hibiki, I know being a teen is difficult. And I know it must be especially difficult having a curse like yours."
Ryoga-chan blinked and backed away slightly, the sudden subject change making her nervous. "Uh..."
"I know I'm just another teacher to you, but I'm Ryoko's mother and I know all about teenager's problems. You can come to me anytime you need to talk, you got that?" Ryoga-chan nodded numbly and Washu continued. "There's no sense in bottling things up you'll just end up hurting yourself more than you already are. You shouldn't take things out on yourself."
Ryoga-chan blinked with confusion for a few moments until she noticed Washu's gaze settle upon her arms. "You mean... NO! No, no, no! I am not crazy! I did NOT do this to myself!" She flushed with embarrassment.
"You mean that's not self inflicted?" Washu looked at the many cuts and scratches that adorned the girls arms. "'Cause if it isn't, I hope whoever did it has been arrested!"
Ryoga-chan groaned and held her head in her hands. "It doesn't matter."
After a few more minutes of walking, Ranma inched over towards Ryoga-chan. "Hey. Can I walk with you?"
"What for?" Ryoga-chan muttered.
"I wanted to talk to you, that's all. Can't I talk with my pal?" Ranma tried.
"We're not pals," Ryoga-chan said bluntly. "What do you want to talk to me about?" She paused and sneezed violently. "I guess I _am_ catching a cold," she said to no-one in particular.
"Why did Ucchan throw you into the ocean?" Ranma queried. The incident had been bugging him all morning now and curiosity had finally gotten the better of him.
"Curiosity killed the cat, Ranma. And I really don't see why it's any of your business," Ryoga-chan said sourly. She'd been trying to forget about the awful awakening she'd received. *Just like him to bring what's bothering me back to my attention,* she thought.
With more force than he'd intended to use, Ranma grabbed hold of the back of Ryoga- chan's collar and twisted the cloth tightly. "Ucchan is one of my best friends and it's not like her to do something like that without reason. Which means you musta done something to provoke her!" He shook the girl angrily. "So tell me what you did to her so I can justifiably hurt you!!"
Ryoga-chan pulled free from Ranma's grip and glared at him. "If I knew what I'd done to make her act like that, I would've apologized already. The point is, Saotome, that I don't KNOW what I did wrong! She won't tell me!" she hissed, clenching her fists tightly.
"Well how are you supposed to kiss her if you can't even talk to her?!!" Ranma hissed back, suppressing a giggle as the small girl turned an alarming shade of red.
"As if I'd want to kiss a tomboy like her anyway! She's not even cute!" Ryoga-chan said venomously pushing images of Ukyo highlighted by starlight to the very back of her mind. "She's not!"
*CLANG*
Ukyo furiously shook the girl by the collar. "Well, ex-cuuuuuuse me for not being cute! As if I'd ever even WANT to BE kissed by a cross-dressing pervert like YOU!!" She finished by throwing the girl into the ocean for the second time that day. "Oooh! He makes me so MAD!!!"
"Y'know, it's rude to listen in on other peoples conversations, Ucchan," Ranma said sternly. *You might hear classified information!*
Ukyo scowled. "It was difficult to _not_ hear it, the stupid jerk was nearly shouting!"
Meanwhile, Ryoga-chan was dragging herself back up the beach. "...Violent uncute tomboy maniac psycho! Does she have to over react to every little thing I say???!" she mumbled to herself. She sneezed. "Damn. Now I really _am_ going to catch a cold."
"Looks like that outfit's soaked through," a voice above her said. She raised her head to Hiroshi and Daisuke standing by her head.
"What do you two want now?" she asked wearily.
Hiroshi blinked. "Why, we were only concerned! If you don't want some dry clothes, we won't bother you anymore," he said, sounding hurt.
A hand grabbed him by the ankle, almost dislocating it. "Dry clothing. Explain further or I twist," Ryoga-chan said grimly.
A few minutes later, she found herself clad in another Chinese outfit - unfortunately, it was a dress. A short dress. "Very nice," Daisuke said approvingly, looking her up and down. "How about giving us a twirl, maybe you could bend over and pick up that rock for me?"
"I'm a guy," Ryoga-chan said through gritted teeth. "Get a life."
"Just like my old girlfriend," Hiroshi said fondly. "Let's go and rejoin the others now, shall we?"
"Seeing as you two seem to be carrying around an endless supply of clothing in my size, I don't suppose there's any chance that either of you happens to have a jumper that would fit me?" Ryoga-chan said hopefully as they walked along.
Daisuke shook his head regretfully. "Afraid not. Besides, what do you need one for?"
"I'm cold."
Hiroshi looked amazed. "How can you be cold??! It's forty degrees out here!"
Relative calm settled over the Furinkan group for the next few miles as they followed Washu. (By relative calm I mean minor fights, small squabbles, little destruction to the surrounding area.) Suddenly the pink-haired woman frowned as she looked from her map to the surroundings.
"What appears to be the problem, Miss Washu?" Ayeka asked as she stopped tugging at Ryoko's hair for a moment.
"This can't be right." Washu began tapping at her computer, oblivious to the students.
Akane frowned. Washu hadn't yelled out the customary 'that's Little Washu!' remark - something had to be amiss. She looked around and shivered. *That's strange - I was warm just a second ago...*
Then the island disappeared into fog.
~~~~~
"Where on earth are we now?" Tenchi asked.
Washu looked around. "I have no idea. Hey, Hibiki, where are we?"
"You expect me to know???" Ryoga-chan asked, incredulous.
The group looked around their new surroundings. Or, to be more precise, lack of surroundings. All around them was industrial pink. (Stare at the edge of your computer. It should be that awful beige colour. Imagine being totally surrounded by that colour. Awful, isn't it? It's things like that which give a perfectly good colour like pink a bad name.)
"Welcome, travelers."
The crowd whipped around to see a small man, not unlike Cherry from Uresai Yatsura standing next to a tall and very beautiful woman with long black hair and ornate robes. And behind them were a large army of soldiers. It was the small man who had spoken, and he now spoke again. "My name is Grebes and this is Lady Ibis. We welcome you to the Realm of the Lost Spirits. We hope you enjoy your time here."
Washu stepped forward and bowed. "Thank you for you welcome, although I regret that we can't stay long. I don't suppose you know the way to Furinkan high school from here?"
Lady Ibis stepped forward. "Surely you can stay for a short time? I insist that you meet my son, Lord Tinamous." Her tone showed that she was not used to being disagreed with.
"I'm sorry but we really should be going," Washu said firmly. "Could you please tell us the way out of here?"
"You don't appear to underst..." Grebes began.
Lady Ibis waved her hand. "Silence, Grebes. It never works, anyway. Just do it."
Grebes nodded and threw a large ball over to the group. It exploded, releasing a cloud of gas which enveloped them. Within seconds, the entire class had fallen asleep faster than they did during history lectures.
"Pity we always end up doing that," Lady Ibis said casually. "Separate the men from the women and place them with the others."
~~~~~
Slowly, Ranma creaked his eyes open and looked around. He sat up slowly, rubbing his head and taking in the surroundings. It was still entirely blue and silver and very comfortable... but there was something else. It was enclosed space, populated by male figures. He was surrounded entirely by men. *Akane...* he thought suddenly, and scanned the area again. There wasn't a single female figure to be seen.
Next to him, Tenchi woke up and rubbed his head. "Where are we... where is everyone?"
"I see Gosunkugi, Hiroshi, Daisuke, Ryukyu, Hiro... yep, all the guys from our class are here, but none of the girls," Ranma observed. "Except for Ryoga... well, he's either gotten himself lost or they think he's one of the girls."
"What?! Mihoshi and Washu and Ayeka and Ryoko aren't here?!"
"Yep."
Tenchi looked around. "Are you certain Ayeka and Ryoko aren't here?"
"Sure." Ranma looked solemnly at him. "I'm going to find Akane and the rest of the girls. Are you coming?"
"We don't have to rescue them yet, do we?" Tenchi pleaded. "I'm sure they're fine... and this is the most peace I've had in weeks!"
Ranma thought about Akane. Then he thought about Akane's mallet/ cooking/ temper and shuddered. "You're right. We don't have to rescue them yet."
~~~~~
Akane opened her eyes and sat up slowly. "Where... where am I?"
"I see the sleeping beauty awakens," Ryoko said calmly.
"What is this place?" Akane frowned and scanned the place. Unlike where the boys were being held captive, this room was in shades of pink and gold, with comfortable cushions and seats to sit on. "Where are all the guys?"
Ryoko's eyes welled up. "I don't know! I can't find Tenchi - this place has neutralized my gems somehow and I can't get out!"
"So you don't have any idea where the guys are?"
Ukyo woke up just in time to catch the end of the question. "What? The guys are missing?!" Akane nodded. "Even Ryoga?"
"Worried about him? I'm sure he's fine, wherever he is..."
Ukyo scowled. "For starters, I am not worried about that idiot, he can take care of himself and secondly, he was in girl form when that gas hit us and I thought he'd be here, that's all."
Washu battled her way over to them through the crowds of women and sat down on a cushion. "My computer isn't working and neither are my links with Ryo-ohki. Wherever we are, it must be on a different plane of existence to be able to do this. I bet there's also a high level magical barrier too."
"Damn!" Ryoko swore. "How are we supposed to get out?!"
"Ranma will rescue us," Akane said confidently. "He always does."
"First we'd better find the rest of the girls," Washu commanded. "Look around and see if you can find them and come back here to regroup. We'll work from there."
Soon, Ukyo re-appeared with four girls in tow and Akane with five, including Ryoga- chan. "Ryoga! You're here!" she cried happily.
"Yeah...." The other girl said cautiously. *Ucchan appears to be happy to see me. What is wrong with this picture?* She looked down at herself quickly, to make sure she hadn't ended up in Ranma's body again. *Nope. I'm me. But Ucchan is never happy to see me. Which means... she's either preparing to dish out serious bodily harm to me, or she really is happy to see me. Nah.... Not bloody likely!!*
"Great! Your brute strength will have us out of here in no time!" she continued cheerfully.
"I'm not sure whether to be relived or insulted," Ryoga-chan said gloomily.
"Just do that breaking point thing and bust us out of here, sugar," Ukyo ordered.
"Can't."
"WHAT DO YOU MEAN, CAN'T?!!!!"
Ryoga-chan backed away from the roaring fire oni. "The Bakusai Tenketsu only works on rock and these walls are made of something else," she squeaked.
"Of all the useless, incompetent idiots..." Ukyo cursed.
"Fine, wait for darling Ranma to save you if I'm not good enough for you," Ryoga-chan snapped and sat down, arms crossed and a scowl on her face.
Ryoko and Ayeka appeared with the remaining girls. "So, 'Mom,' what do we do now?" Ryoko asked.
"..." Washu began.
Her words were cut off by a loud fanfare and golden doors which hadn't been there a moment before opened wide. Lady Ibis and Grebes entered. "Ladies, you will now be presented to Lord Tinamous," Grebes announced loudly. "Please walk through these doors in single file."
"Excuse me, but why are we here?" Ayeka asked politely.
Lady Ibis sighed. "Was it not explained to you? You wandered into the Realm of the Lost Spirits. Most people who wander into here usually wander straight back out again without even realizing they were here. But since Lord Tinamous turned seventeen last week, we've been keeping a few people here to be presented as possible bridal candidates."
"Just a few, huh?" Sayuri said, sweatdropping as she looked at the looooooooooong line of women.
"Where have you hidden Ranma and the others?" Akane demanded.
Lady Ibis blinked. "The males? They are perfectly fine - they will all be returned to their homes when a bride is chosen, as well as the rejected women," she explained.
"So in other words, all we have to do is present ourselves to this Lord, make a really bad impression on him and we can go home?" Ryoga-chan spoke up. She jumped to her feet. "Let's go then."
"...Too fat, too old, too tall, too ugly... that one's another 'maybe,' too ugly...." As each girl in question walked past the young Lord, each one who was singled out as a 'maybe' was pulled aside by Grebes.
"Wow! That Lord's actually kinda cute," Yuka said quietly, from a spot near the end of the queue.
"Well, I'm responsible for your well being and it's not like you can get your parents permission," Washu said. "He just seems to be opting for pretty girls at this point, so if any of us make it through, remember to behave as badly as possible." She pulled a compact out of mid-air and began applying make-up.
"Miss Washu! What are you doing?!!!" Ayeka hissed in a shocked voice. "We don't _want_ to be chosen!"
"Correction, none of you lot want to get chosen. However, some of you _may_. So I _want_ to get chosen so can keep an eye on anyone who does get chosen," Washu pointed out.
"I am _so_ nervous," Ukyo admitted.
Ryoga-chan patted her arm. "Don't worry. If he has the bad luck to choose you, just hit him with that spatula of yours."
"Like this, you JERK?!?!"
*CLANG*
"Y-yeah... j-just like that... owww"
They began to talk in quieter whispers as the line progressed. Ukyo sighed. "Ranchan would've saved us all by now," she said gloomily.
Ryoga-chan shrugged. "What's wrong with this? We get through inspection, we all go home. There. Case closed."
"But some poor girl will still end up engaged to that guy," Ukyo pointed out. "Ranchan would've beaten him up by now, trashed the place and saved the day by now if he were here."
"No doubt causing vast amounts of property damage and getting himself noticed and probably engaged to the guy," Ryoga-chan added, annoyed by all the Ranma referrals.
"Ranchan woul..."
"Oh, please would you shut up about Ranma, already!" Ryoga-chan snarled. "What's the problem - you want _me_ to do something? Fine, I'll do something!" She grabbed the compact from Washu and examined her reflection critically. "Does anybody have a hairbrush?"
"What are you doing?" Ukyo asked cautiously.
"I'm going to get myself chosen. Then, when you all get sent home, I'll change myself back and they'll throw me out. See? Foolproof!"
Lord Tinamous sighed and looked down the line. *Where _is_ she...* He craned his neck to see if there were any others past the end of the Furinkan group, disappointment clouding his eyes when he saw nobody else. "Too plain," he said boredly as Sayuri passed him. "Too full of herself," was Ryoko's comment. Ayeka giggled until she heard herself described as "too pompous." Akane sighed as she stepped forward. *Here goes nothing... another crazy weirdo out for my heart as usual... Ranma, where are yo..."
"Good god, that one has the figure of a brick!!"
"WHAT DID YOU SAY?!?!?!?!?!"
Tinamous calmly side-stepped the very large mallet and it crashed into his throne. "And too violent. I would never marry a macho chick like her."
Akane blinked. "Are you related to Ranma Saotome, by any chance?"
"No." The Lord waved her away and critically examined the last few girls. "Hmm... maybe..."
*Pick me, pick me!* Ryoga-chan thought grimly as Washu was pulled aside. She stepped forward and placed her best cute-girl grin on her face, the one that ended up on the newspapers when she got photographed as Magical Girl Ryoko.
"Another maybe," Tinamous decided aloud. *The resemblance to Yukio-chan is amazing...* He examined the last few girls as Grebes pulled a gleefully grinning Ryoga- chan aside. "No, no, maybe," he finished as Ukyo walked past.
"What?!" Ryoga-chan jumped forward. *I can't let him try and marry Ucchan - she'd never let me hear the last of it!* "Lord, sir, you don't want her, she's even more violent than the other one!"
"Hey... you..." Ukyo began with a twitch.
"She only ever cooks one type of food, she wakes you up by soaking you with freezing water, she dresses like a boy and whenever she gets mad, she hits you with a giant spatula..."
"LIKE THIS?!?!?!"
*CLANG*CLANG*CLANG*
Tinamous laughed. "She's so high-spirited! Yes, a definite maybe, I think," he said as Ukyo peeled her giant spatula from the unconscious Ryoga-chan.
"Hey! When I did that, you just called me violent!" Akane called out.
"You _are_ violent, Miss. This young lady is spirited. There is a subtle difference," Tinamous said calmly.
"There is? What is it?" Ryoga-chan muttered. "_I_ always thought she was violent."
"Oh, shut up, you jerk! Who cares what you think?!" Ukyo snapped.
"Look at them, Grebes. They are so much like Yukio-chan. I don't suppose I could have both of them, could I?" He looked at the old man hopefully.
"I shall have to check with your mother," Grebes said gravely. "But I think you should attempt to acquaint yourself with the other girls at least, instead of looking for a girl who reminds you of Miss Yukio." He walked away in search of Lady Ibis.
Tinamous clapped his hands. "Ladies, I do apologize for all that you have been through. Feel free to make yourselves comfortable." He instantly walked over to Ryoga-chan and Ukyo. "And what might your names be?"
~~~~~
"Akane!"
"Ranma!" Akane raced over to him and burst into tears. "He said I was violent and built like a brick..."
Ranma placed his arms around her awkwardly. "I say that to you all the time, but it don't bother you... does it?"
Akane sniffled. "Not really. I'm used to it from you."
"So I take it the Lord didn't want you?" Ranma tried not to let his happiness show.
"No. But he's still got Miss Washu Sensei and Ukyo and Ryoga." She sighed. "With all the boys that seem to chase me, I thought he'd chose me too."
"I don't know whether to say he's got horrible eyesight or great taste in women."
*WHAM*
"I'm guessing you should've stuck with the first one," Tenchi said, peeling his friend from the floor.
"Tenchi!"
"Lord Tenchi!"
Tenchi whimpered as he was glomped from either side.
~~~~~
Washu kept a sharp eye on the Lord as he chatted to Ukyo and Ryoga-chan, basically ignoring the other girls in the room. That was fine with her, as far as she was concerned - it meant Ryoga-chan was more likely to be the chosen one... if only Ukyo didn't keep butting in. In fact, apart form the minor point that Ryoga-chan was spending 50% of her time unconscious, the only flaw in the plan that Washu could see was that when Tinamous found out Ryoga-chan was really a guy he would either keep him here anyway, or just go out a capture another load of girls. Ah well. With only two students there to keep an eye on, she could continue her research. Of course, it would've helped if her computer was operational.
"Excuse me for a second, ladies," Tinamous said as he saw the forms of Grebes and Lady Ibis enter the room.
As soon as he'd stood up, Ryoga-chan leaned over. "Look, Ucchan, I appreciate the help with this, but could you please butt out of this?"
"I'm just trying to fill you in on being a bit more feminine," Ukyo argued.
Ryoga-chan bit back a comment about leaning feminism from the worlds biggest tomboy and replaced it with, "you don't have to hit me whenever I get stuff wrong, though. I don't like being out cold. I don't know what's going on. I mean," she continued, choosing her words with care. "I don't want him to choose you instead." *Oops. I don't think that came out in quite the right way,* she thought, waiting to be spatulated.
"Ryoga... don't tell me... you're jealous..." Ukyo began, a slight blush crossing her cheeks. *How sweet of him to do this...*
"You've got to be kidding!" Ryoga-chan blurted. "Jealous of a tomboy like you?! It's just, if you marry him, I'll have no one to cook for me!"
"WHY YOU....." Ukyo paused in pre-swipe. "I thought you were sick of okonomiyaki, anyway."
"No, I thought _he_ might get sick of it. For me, after Akane's cooking, a lifetime of okonomiyaki is bliss."
*CLANG*
"YOUR ATTENTION, PLEASE!" Grebes called. Silence fell. "The Lord Tinamous has made his decision. He will we wedded to Miss Ryoga Hibiki..."
"Yes!" Ryoga-chan hissed gleefully from under the spatula.
"...And Miss Ukyo Kuonji."
"WHAT?!!"
Washu gulped. This, she hadn't anticipated.
End Part XVIII
Final song - Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For
===============
PART XIX
Thin Line Between
Heaven and Hell.
Epilogue#1
===============
"Ranma!"
Ranma turned to see Skuld walking towards him. "Skuld. Hi," he said with a small wave.
The young goddess looked particularly worried. "You're back from Easter Island? Where are Ryoga and Ukyo?"
Ranma scratched the back of his head nervously. "Come with me. I think it's best that you talk to Miss Washu Sensei about it."
"About what? The fact that they don't seem to be on this plane of existence?" she said wryly.
"You know?!"
"I'm a goddess. Of course I know," she snapped. "The problem is, they should be on _this_ plane of existence. I don't know where to find them and neither does the Almighty and we NEED them back as soon as possible!"
"Wow." Ranma blinked a few times. "I never realized those two were so important."
~~~~~
"... And these are all the photographs we got when we were away," Hiroshi finished.
Nabiki examined them with a critical eye. "Very good work, boys. Kuno-baby's gonna love these!" She walked over to her wardrobe and pulled out another bag full of clothes. "See if you can get Ryoga to wear these, will ya?"
Daisuke and Hiroshi exchanged glances before laughing nervously. "Well, there's a slight problem with that..." Daisuke began.
"Which is...?" Nabiki prompted.
"Ryoga and Ukyo are stuck in the Realm of Lost Spirits and it's very difficult to take photographs of somebody who no longer exists here," Hiroshi finished. "My, is that the time?"
"Wait," Nabiki said sternly. "What do you mean by 'they're trapped in the Realm of Lost Spirits?' I thought you went to Easter Island."
"We did," Daisuke said helpfully. "And the Realm of Lost Spirits."
"Explain," the middle Tendo ordered, switching on a tape recorder.
"...Lord Tinamous decided that he was going to marry one of the girls who wandered into his realm. Our class was hopelessly lost and wandered into there by accident. Ryoga happened to be a girl at the time, and hit on this bright idea of making the Lord fall for him so we could all go home and then revealing his curse," Washu explained. "But nobody expected the Lord to decide he wanted to marry Ryoga _and_ Ukyo..."
~~~~~
"...And the moment this Lord announced his decision, we all ended up back at school minus Ryoga and Ukyo. We can only assume they're still in the other realm. Pity. They were babes, both of them."
Nabiki tried to think. Apart from selling the information to Kuno, she could see no way that this information would help her make a profit. She had two choices - leave them both to find their own way out of this realm and find money-making schemes elsewhere or use her connections to help get them back. "You two run along now," she said, suddenly remembering the presence of Hiroshi and Daisuke.
"Thank you Nabiki. As always, it has been an expensive privilege doing business with you," Hiroshi said.
"Flattery won't get you a raise." Nabiki shut the door behind her and sat down at her desk. *Let's see... with Ryoga and Ukyo gone I lose money through arranged dates with Ranma, pictures of Ryoga-chan and fight money. Plus, with Shampoo marrying this other guy, competition for Ranma and Akane goes down which means less money from her. But I guess it saves on insurance, and if Ranma and Akane get married things'll get a bit quieter around here...* She sighed. She couldn't do it. Not even she was heartless enough to leave two of her little sisters friends stranded in some other dimension. "Akane..."
~~~~~
"Realm of Lost Spirits?" Maika looked at Miyu, who shrugged and shook her head. "Never head of it."
Mihoshi looked like she was about to burst into tears again. Luckily, her body seemed to have dried out for now. "Yukinojo? Do you know anything about the Realm of Lost Spirits?" she pleaded down her remote link.
"I'm afraid not, Mihoshi. That location is not found under any of my files."
Mihoshi's eyes welled up again and she exploded into full sob mode. "If I hadn't m-m- made Ukyo throw him in the ocean h-he wouldn't have been a girl and he'd still b-be here!!!"
Maika tried to think of some way to cheer her friend up. "You know, you shouldn't be asking aliens for links to Earth realms. You could ask that old lady who lives at that Chinese restaurant. She seems to know an awful lot about magic."
Mihoshi brightened up at this suggestion. "Yeah! But will you two come with me?" she added plaintively.
~~~~~
"Urd, I've got a real problem down here." Skuld sniffled down the telephone. "It's URGENT!"
"I don't remember raising you to come running to your big sis whenever there's a teensy little favour you want doing," Urd said irritably, trying to watch the television out of the corner of her eye.
"This isn't a teensy favour. Ryoga, AKA Magical Guy Makoto and Magical Girl Ryoko is stuck in the Realm of Lost Spirits and the magic is blocked."
"WHAT?!!!!" Urd jumped out of her chair, almost knocking over a bottle of sake in the process. "But if the Amityville demons find out, they'll attack Ranma Saotome and anything that stands in their way! Knowing them, they'll probably try and take out the rest of the city too, just for the sake if it!!!"
"You think I don't know that?!" Skuld snarled. "What do I do?!!!"
"Hold on, I'll be right there," Urd promised.
~~~~~
"Hibiki is trapped in another realm with the okonomiyaki tramp?" Kodachi repeated. "That's mildly interesting but WHY AREN'T THEY DEAD???!?!???!?!?"
"Because he's Magical Guy Makoto," the underworld minion repeated again. "Look, do you want to take advantage of this or not? Because if you do, shut up and let Jodie take possession of your mind, body and soul." He yawned. *If she agrees to this, she is definitely some sort of psycho.*
"Very well then. If that is what it takes to win my Darling Ranma's love, then that is how it will be." The black rose smiled and accepted the black cloud that filled her, blackening her soul and taking control.
A few minutes later she stepped out of her hidden room, closing the door behind her, before walking up the stairs.
After looking around and taking note of it's new surroundings, her shadow followed.
~~~~~
"This Hibiki guy has a sister, right?" Urd asked, handing her youngest sibling a mug.
Skuld took a long drag of the cocoa and grimaced. "You put brandy in this, didn't you?"
"So what if I did? You were hysterical over the phone," Urd protested. "Sister. The guy has a sister."
"Yeah. Keiko Hibiki. He's never met her, I've never met her." Skuld took another drag of the warm drink. "Why do you ask?"
"If she's got the same parents as him, then logic says they have the same powers. I guess our only hope is to find this Keiko kid and train her the same way you did for him."
Skuld held up a hand. "One, I don't know where to find the kid. Two, she wouldn't believe the story, three, I don't have time to train the kid and four, she's seven years old. I'm not putting her up against Amityville demons."
"Personally, I think it's about your only hope. The other option is to warn this Saotome kid that a big demon is out to get him, his fiancee and half the city and round up all the super heroes in Tokyo to protect him."
Skuld grinned and reached for the telephone. "You know, that's not such a bag idea."
~~~~~
Cologne looked up as Ranma, Washu, Akane and Nabiki ran into the restaurant. "Hello there. Come to say your congratulations to Shampoo and Tsubasa before we leave for China?" she asked pleasantly.
Behind her, Mousse snapped another pair of chopsticks in half and glared at his ramen. *When I find Hibiki, he is dead meat...*
"Hibiki and Kuonji are in the Realm of Lost Spirits?!" Mousse pricked his ears up at this and listened carefully as Cologne continued. "Unless we manage to wander into the realm, they are lost to us.
*Yes!!* Mousse mentally high fived.
"So we find the realm. How do we do that? Ranma asked stubbornly.
Mihoshi, Maika and Miyu charged into the restaurant. Cologne grinned. "Looking for information on the Realm of Lost Spirits?" she asked.
"Yeah," Mihoshi panted. "How do we find it?"
Mousse shook his head. "I can't believe you're all doing this to get that idiot back," he said calmly.
"I bet you'd be too scared to even consider traveling to the Realm of Lot Spirits," Mihoshi snapped.
Mousse paused. "Did you just call me a coward?"
"Yes, I just called you a coward." Mihoshi turned her attention back to the old lady. "So how do we get there?"
Cologne shrugged. "Simple really. You just let yourself get lost. That's why it's a realm of lost spirits. Whenever anybody gets lost, their astral body is sent to the realm and wanders there like a ghost. The time difference has an effect too, which is why people get lost so suddenly, then find themselves back on track with an equal suddenness."
Washu blinked. "So the reason Ryoga gets lost so easily is because he has an overactive astral body that keeps wandering into the realm and operates on a different time level to him?"
"Precisely. All the Lord has done is take the mortal bodies there too, so they would operate at the same time. The problem with finding this realm is the time lag. By the time your astral body has reached the realm, you will have no doubt, found your way back again."
"So we get ourselves hopelessly lost, easy," Ranma said, picking up a pack. "So who's with me?"
Shampoo and Tsubasa stepped forward. "We are," Tsubasa said sternly.
Akane nodded. "Me too. Oneechan?"
"Yeah, go on. Count me in," Nabiki said recklessly.
Mihoshi nodded her head. "And me."
"Me too," Mousse added.
Mihoshi gaped at him. "YOU?!?!"
"Yes, me! I won't have you call me a coward and get away with it!"
Washu sniggered at the bickering pair. "It could be interesting. I'm in too."
Cologne looked around. "And me. Hey, what about you two?!" She looked at Maika and Miyu.
"We can't," Maika said regretfully. "Our washing machine blew up yesterday and we're expecting a visit from the insurance company." She neglected to add that Miyu had blown it up with a Zero Cannon yesterday, while battling a thirty-foot high old man. (Geriatric Park. ^_^)
"HALT!" A bokken wielding figure ran into the room. "I, Tatewaki Kuno shall travel too with you to rescue the Bandannaed maiden."
Ranma blinked at him. "Kuno?! What do you know about this?!"
The upperclassman smiled enigmatically. "A little bird informed me that the lovely Miss Kuonji and the even lovelier Bandannaed girl were being held captive by the forces of magic in another realm, a Realm of Lost Spirits, and seek rescue from the hands of the villainous UnderLord, Tinamous."
"Wow... for once, he actually has vaguely correct information!" Ranma said in awe.
Nabiki blinked. "Kuno-baby ...how did you find out about this?"
"Silence, wench! The time for talk is past... come, let us rescue the fair Miss Kuonji and fairer still Bandannaed girl!"
End Part XIX Epilogue#1
Final song - Separate Lives
====================
PART XX
Lost Spirits
in the Realm of Lost Spirits.
Epilogue#2
====================
And what of Ryoga and Ukyo?
~~~~~
"YOUR ATTENTION, PLEASE!" Grebes called. Silence fell. "The Lord Tinamous has made his decision. He will we wedded to Miss Ryoga Hibiki...And Miss Ukyo Kuonji."
The two of them stood in stunned amazement, Ryoga-chan not even bothering to lift the spatula from her skull. "Wha.. wha... wha...?" was all Ukyo could stutter out.
"Thank you for all your co-operation, ladies. In a moment you will find yourselves at your destinations as our way of saying thank you for being here," Grebes continued.
Washu jumped to her feet and ran towards them, fading out of sight before she'd taken six steps. Tinamous bowed down before the two stunned girls. "I hope you do not think it awfully rude of me to ask both of you to marry me," he said politely. "We can talk about it over dinner." He called one of the servants over, an elderly lady. "Greta, could you please show Miss Ryoga and Miss Ukyo their room?"
Greta nodded and smiled pleasantly at the dazed duo. "Please follow me, missies."
Still speechless, the two followed the old woman down a maze of corridors, before stopping outside a huge set of double doors. Greta pushed them open. "You should both find some appropriate clothing inside the wardrobes. If you each choose an outfit each, I'll lead you to the baths where you can prepare for dinner. This will be your permanent quarters - I hope you find them satisfactory."
"Wait a second," Ryoga-chan cut it, blushing a little. "Are you saying we have to share?!!"
Greta smiled warmly. "Of course! You will both be the wives of Lord Tinamous, it is essential that you both bond with each other as well as with him." She gently pushed them inside and closed the doors. "Call me when you're ready!"
Ryoga-chan looked at the floor, beet-red. Ukyo did the same. After a long silence, Ryoga- chan eventually walked over to the large wardrobe and opened it. "Ucchan, this one would look nice on you," she said in a falsely cheerful voice, turning around, holding a long silver dress in her arms. "Uh... Ucchan?"
"Ryoga?" Ukyo said quietly, from her perch on the edge of the four poster bed. "Tell Tinamous about your curse now."
Ryoga-chan blinked a few time. "Pardon?! Did I just hear that right?!"
Ukyo sighed. "You heard me. Tell him the truth and you can go home. It's my own fault he chose me too, I interfered, remember?"
Ryoga-chan stood in silence for a moment, before walking over to the large bed and sitting down next to her. "Ucchan, I'm not telling Tinamous about my curse and I'm not leaving here without you."
"But you should just go home. I'm fine," Ukyo insisted.
"Ucchan... I..." Ryoga-chan paused and ran the words through her head to make sure they didn't come out incorrectly. "...I don't have any home other than Ucchan's okonomiyaki restaurant," she said quietly. "And that isn't home without you there."
Ukyo sniffled and hugged her knees tightly. "Th-thanks... but I still think you should go..."
"Hey. Do you really want to marry this guy, is that it?" Ryoga-chan asked quietly.
Ukyo looked up in surprise. "Of course not!"
"So shut up," Ryoga-chan berated. "If you don't want to marry the guy, I'm staying. I'm not going to abandon you here, you got that? We can work something out ... maybe you could hit him with that obnoxious spatula of yours," she added with a grin.
Ukyo couldn't help but laugh. "OK, jackass. Hand me that dress." Ryoga-chan handed her the silver dress, glad to see a smile on her friend's face again. "One more thing, sugar," Ukyo said suddenly.
"What's that?" Ryoga-chan asked distractedly, flicking through the remaining outfits for something she wouldn't feel like an idiot in.
"There is no way on Earth that we are sharing a bath, you got that?"
~~~~~
Ukyo's forgiveness for her female fiance was rapidly disappearing as Ryoga-chan bombarded Tinamous with a huge variety of reasons as to why he shouldn't marry her, but just send her home. *If he thinks I'm so bad, why didn't he break off our engagement?* she thought angrily as Tinamous listened to the small girl's continued insults.
"... And she's totally obsessive, she hunted down this guy for ten years because he dumped her when she was six..."
Ukyo finally exploded as those words vibrated through her ears. "Well, at least I chased him for a good reason, instead of tracking across the world because he stole a few bits of bread!" she snarled, steam almost coming out of her ears.
"He ran out on a scheduled fight!"
"YOU were the one who turned up four days late! How pathetic!"
The fork Ryoga-chan was holding distorted into strange shapes. "Pathetic?!! Pathetic is chasing the idiot for ten years, giving up being a girl because he humiliated you and then falling straight in love with him because he said you were cute!"
Ukyo went white. "What... did... you... say...?!!?!!" she spat.
"Uh... ladies?" Tinamous asked timidly.
"You heard what I said!" Ryoga-chan spat back.
"At least I had the guts to admit I loved him instead of being a spineless jellyfish like you! I didn't turn into a stuttering wreck whenever I spoke to the guy of my dreams!" Ukyo leaned forward until they were both nose to nose. "You know what? The only reason my plans to get Ranchan for me and Akane for you never worked was because you were always too scared to admit you like her. And now they're too close to split up. It's YOUR fault!!" She grinned, slightly maniacally and leaned forward so they were cheek to cheek. "At least I can get a real man. But once your secret's out, you'll be all on your own again," she whispered quietly into Ryoga-chan's ear.
Tinamous wisely decided to flee.
Ryoga-chan was shaking like a leaf, her fingers digging deep holes into the table. *She's right... it's MY fault I never got Akane... I'll be on my own again... all on my own... oh god... I don't want to be alone any more!* A tear trickled slowly down her face.
Ukyo suddenly noticed the green glow surrounding the smaller girl. "Uh... Ryoga?" Her anger vanished as quickly as it had popped up. She touched her fiance on the shoulder and the dark-haired girl looked up at her with huge green eyes filled with unshed tears. "Ryoga, come on you big dummy, you know I didn't mean a word of that..." Ukyo choked out nervously.
Ryoga-chan pulled away from her, the glow around her getting even brighter. *If she didn't mean it, why did she say it? Why does it hurt so much?* Tears began to flow down her face. She didn't know what hurt her most, the fear of being alone again or the fact that Ukyo had just plainly stated that she'd rather marry the Lord of this strange place who she hardly knew over her. All of a sudden, she just wanted to hurt Ukyo back. Hurt her back as much as she was hurting her now. She clenched her fists tight. *I will not hit a girl, I will not I will not I WILL NOT!!!*
"Ryoga, sugar... come on, you're scaring me now," Ukyo said, laughing nervously. "Stop glowing like that..."
"Bitch."
Ukyo blinked. "Wh... what did you say?!" she asked, incredulous, grabbing the girl by the shoulders.
Ryoga-chan lifted her gaze to meet Ukyo's, her eyes sparkling dangerously. "You _total_ BITCH!!!" she screamed. "I HATE YOU!!!" She broke free of Ukyo's grasp and ran away, choked sobs forcing their way to freedom. Finally she collapsed to the ground. The green glow shone brighter around her until it grew too bright to look at directly. Then a huge pillar of light enveloped the girl and lit up the sky, before crashing back down to Earth.
~~~~~
"Ryoga!" Ukyo called in worry, waving clouds of dust from her sight. She'd been chasing the girl, trying to get her to stop so she could apologize. She looked at the debris around her and plodded onwards, looking for the girl. *Did Ryoga do that?* She thought to herself, thinking about the green glow she'd been following, which had suddenly exploded outwards, taking out most of the east wing of... wherever this place was. Luckily, nobody else seemed to be here except for her. *Oh, I hope he didn't blow himself up with that!* She came to an intersection and looked both ways. *Hmm... that way, light and airy. That way, dusty and demolished. Gee, I wonder?* she thought sarcastically, turning down the demolished corridor. "Ryoga!!!"
She tripped and stumbled. Looking behind to see what she'd tripped over, her spirits brightened when she recognized the small figure curled up on the floor. To her relief, she didn't appear to be terribly injured by the collapse of the building, but just plain exhausted, although the dress was ripped almost entirely to shreds. "Jackass," she sighed, kneeling down and picking up the light body. "What _was_ that you did back there?" After a moment's contemplation, she quickly carried Ryoga-chan back to their room and placed her carefully on the bed. Then she disappeared in search of water in varying degrees of temperature.
Wordlessly, she removed the tattered dress and poured the hot water over the girl, who didn't awaken with the change. She pulled the covers over him and looked at him for a minute. *He looks so sad... I did that to him...* She sighed and brushed his hair out of his eyes. *No wonder he hates me,* she thought sadly.
~~~~~
Ryoga dreamed. The ghostly white figure of Ukyo Kuonji haunted his nightmares. Wearing the silver dress, she looked like an angel but acted like a demon, stabbing him repeatedly with glass shards of conversation. She floated a little above him, forcing him to look up to her to try and make his point. She grinned sardonically at him, blue eyes flashing as she spoke each barb. "...At least I chased him for a good reason, instead of tracking across the world because he stole a few bits of bread!"
She glared at him through those dark blue eyes. Ryoga tried to summon up the angry responses he'd returned each blow with, but refused to come forth. Instead he heard the weary voice of defeat as he told her the real responses.
*I was hungry... so, so hungry... don't you understand? That was my first meal in six days...*
"YOU were the one who turned up four days late! How pathetic!"
*That's what they all said... taunting me, all of them... some even saying I skipped out on purpose. I had to get away from them... that's why I chased him so long. I couldn't go back there, I was a joke.* He tried to keep the words inside, but they spilled out like a waterfall. _Nobody_ knew why he'd obsessively hunted down Ranma. Maybe it wasn't to prove to those other children that he wasn't a coward, but to prove to himself.
"At least I had the guts to admit I loved him instead of being a spineless jellyfish like you! I didn't turn into a stuttering wreck whenever I spoke to the guy of my dreams! You know what? The only reason my plans to get Ranchan for me and Akane for you never worked was because you were always too scared to admit you like her. And now they're too close to split up. It's YOUR fault!!"
*It's my fault... all my fault...* It hadn't worked. He was still coward, even after defeating Ranma.
"At least I can get a good man. A real man. But once your secret's out, you'll be all on your own again."
*I've always been alone... I don't want to be alone...* A bitter sob escaped him.
The ghost Ukyo giggled softly at him. "So lonely. But what else is there for a lost spirit like you?" A cold hand cupped his chin, forcing him to look at her again. "Even in the Realm of Lost Spirits, there's no lost spirit to keep you company. Poor, eternal lost boy. Alone, even in a crowd." Her expression dimmed a little and she looked even more like an angel. Ryoga waited for her to act even more demonic. She smiled a little. "You'll always be lonely if you keep pushing me away like that, dummy. Why can't you be nice like you were by the campfire?"
He hung his head in shame. *I... I'm scared to...* he finally admitted. *I don't want to lose you too!*
The white figure shimmered, fading. "Then don't push me away, bring me closer..." she whispered, before vanishing. And he found himself alone again.
~~~~~
Ryoga wasn't the only one with nightmares that night. Ukyo dreamed too of the events that evening. But Ryoga wasn't in his cursed form as he threw razor sharp daggers that cut deep into her soul, standing taller than her in a pale outfit that contradicted the darkness he was forcing her into.
"... And she's totally obsessive, she hunted down this guy for ten years because he dumped her when she was six..."
Ukyo tried to voice her denial when he cupped her chin gently and forced her to look into his dark green eyes. Weakly, she spoke the truth instead of the angry words she'd used earlier. *They left me behind after they promised I could go... and stole my dowry... my honour was gone and so was my innocence...*
"Pathetic is chasing the idiot for ten years, giving up being a girl because he humiliated you and then falling straight in love with him because he said you were cute!"
*I couldn't be a girl any more... my dowry was gone and I couldn't get married... he was the first guy to see me as a girl and liked it... he _said_ so... and if I could marry him, my honour would be restored...* Ukyo bowed her head.
The ghost Ryoga frowned. "He's not going to, though. You saw how quickly he backed out of the engagement as soon as he had an excuse."
*But I don't want to be alone...* Ukyo sniffled and wiped her eyes.
The ghost Ryoga smiled at her. "Lonely in a realm full of lost spirits, little Ucchan? No wandering soul to keep you company?" Ukyo waited for him to stab her with the final dagger, to scream that he hated her, he never wanted to see her again and he was going to leave her here alone. A small tear rolled down her cheek. Ryoga leaned forward and gently brushed it away. "Why can't you be all cute like you were by the campfire?"
Ukyo flushed. *I don't want to scare you away... I want you to stay with me,* she whispered.
The pale figure flickered and dimmed. "If you truly want me to stay then tell me. Don't push me away..." he whispered, disappearing into the night.
~~~~~
Ukyo's eyes flickered open, taking in the darkness of the room and estimating the time to be early am. With a yawn, she stretched, realizing she'd fallen asleep at the ornate desk that stood next to the huge bed. She cast her eye over the boy sleeping there with a small and desolate smile. *As if you'd want to stay after the things I said to you,* she thought grimly. She reached a hand out to flick a wayward lock of hair from his forehead, then jumped back, startled as his eyes flew open. "S-sorry sugar, I didn't mean to wake you..." she apologized quickly.
"I was just waking up anyway," Ryoga said with a yawn. He thought back to the ghost Ukyo and the advice she'd given him.
"Ryoga, I..." Ukyo began, then stopped as he gently took hold of her hands, blushing a little.
"Ucchan, I know I said some nasty things to you earlier and I'm sorry," he said sincerely. Ukyo blinked in surprise and he quickly continued before she could cut in. "There's no way I could hate you and... and I'm sorry I called you ... you know..." he trailed off and looked at her in the darkness for a moment before he realized he was still holding her hands. "Um..."
They sat in total silence for a few minutes, neither wanting to be the first to speak.
"Ryoga, you won't leave me here alone, will you?" Ukyo asked suddenly, pleading him with her eyes.
"I said I'd stay here and I will," Ryoga promised. He looked down and sighed. "I guess that means I'd better turn back," he said ruefully, swinging his legs over the edge of the bed. He looked around the room, noticing for the first time, the single bed. "Where were you sleeping?" he asked curiously.
"On the desk," Ukyo admitted. "And you don't have to wander off - I have cold water here."
"You sleep on the bed," Ryoga offered. "I'll be fine on the floor."
Ukyo remembered the ghost Ryoga's comment about being all cute at the campfire and the advice he'd given her. "Don't be silly," she chided, smiling a little. "Washu said you were getting a cold and I don't want you falling ill here."
"I'll be fine," Ryoga insisted. "Besides, where would you sleep?"
"We'd both be girls, right? We can share the bed," Ukyo teased. Ryoga froze. Totally. "It was a joke, you big dummy," she said with a laugh. "Ryoga? Ryoga? Snap out of it!" She smacked him lightly upside the head.
Ryoga blinked and jumped off the bed, picking up the glass of water. He paused before tipping it over his head. *I was always too scared to tell Akane how I felt about her. Well, I won't be a coward anymore!* The glass trembled and he glared at it. *So maybe I'll still be a little bit of a coward...* he admitted before turning to face Ukyo. "Hey, Ucchan?"
"Yeah?" She looked at him, a teasing smile still on her face.
*She really is cute when she smiles...* "You don't know any French, right?" he asked.
Ukyo frowned, puzzled by the question. "No, why?"
"Nothing. Je t'aime, Ucchan." Hoping Ukyo couldn't see him blush in the darkness, he poured the cold water over his head.
End Part XX Epilogue#2
Final song - We All Fall In Love Sometimes
And that's it for Volume 2!!! Yatta yatta! I did it!
Just a few points here. I know I said Keiko would appear in this one, but I couldn't find the right entrance for her, but she will appear in Volume 3. Cologne said they were leaving for China, which is true, but don't think that's the end of the Chinese Amazons.... because I'm planning things concerning Happosai and some more spring of drowned girl water. ^_^ Plus, find out who Yukio-chan is! There will also be the final showdown with Jodie and Kodachi as soon as Ryoga and Ukyo manage to find their way out of the Realm of Lost Spirits. Mulder and Scully will still be chasing down those turtles, Salem may recommend a certain okonomiyaki restaurant to a certain teenage witch and her aunts and don't think you've seen the last of Vega! I do these things for a reason!
PS - Je t'aime is French (duh!) and means, essentially, I like you. Can be applied romantically, although I'd use Je t'adore as I love you instead of Je t'aime.