London, Sisters, & Random Bable
I forgot to mention earlier that Joanie did make it to London okay. I talked to her yesterday via AIM, and she confirmed that she'd made it in one piece. I heard there was a blackout at about the time she should have been catching a cab. I bet that was fun. Gee, I talk an awful lot about Joanie, dun't I? Well, she IS my bestest best friend in the world. We're like sisters or something. I'm friends with her sister, Marcie, but we have a different kind of friendship. It's much more serious and quiet. Much more quiet. This is Marcie's freshman year at Drury, which is the same college Joanie normally goes to. I bet Marcie misses her... Then again, she's not being compaired to Joanie this way, and she has a less likely chance of being called "Joanie's sister". She hates that. I would too; I rather enjoy being an only child. I wouldn't be able to attend college if I had another sibling. We're in the poor-house as it is, thank you very much. Tuition costs an arm and a leg, but I guess that's the price I pay to go to one of the most prestigious art schools in the country. It's well worth it, I assure you.
I'm eternally thankful that the workload isn't heavy yet. I remember last year, they just loaded us down right away. This year is so much more relaxed than last. I guess they were right when they told me Freshman year is the hardest. They just want to weed out those who aren't as serious as they should be. I still find myself in awe of myself for the fact that I am still here. There were so many times I wanted to just give up, but I didn't. I couldn't. I wouldn't let myself. GOD wouldn't let me. He's got me right where he wants me, and He won't let me quit. I still don't know what His plan is for me, but I am content to wait to find out. Just because I don't see a future for myself doesn't mean there isn't one. I'll just go with the flow and hope I don't drownd in it. Just lay on my back and float.
I can't believe that I might become someone's mentor at church. I know, it's been a week since I stepped forward, but I'm still amazed by it. There are times when I question whether God's working in my life, and then there are times when I wonder why I don't notice it more often. I couldn't have come forward a year ago. College (and my psychologist Joyce) helped me grow a backbone. I'm still meek and reserved, but I it's much easier for me to go up to a random stranger and ask for help. I have weird issues, man. But I'm slowly getting better. The medication helps, but not all the time. Sometimes I just need to cry or be alone.
There was a picknic today, and I didn't go because a) I didn't have a ride, and because b) I didn't feel like socializing. That's okay, though; I heard from someone who went that it was extremely awkward. I try to avoid situations like that like the plague.
Maybe that stems from being an only child and having few friends growing up. I'm content to be alone. That's why I can't see myself getting married and having kids. I don't
want them. I'd much rather have cats. Mum wants me to have kids. I dunno, when I'm rich and famous and can work at a leisurely pace, maybe I'll adopt. *Shrugs* I was just thinking today, "Well, Joanie wants lotsa kids, maybe I'll be a godmother instead." That is if Joanie doesn't mind. I get this sneaking suspicion that she won't have anything to do with me after college. Then again, I think that's the Self-Esteem Monster giving me bad thoughts. *Whacks Monster over the head with a bludger bat* Who knows what will happen. I could meet the man of my dreams, move to San Fransico and own my own studio, but I doubt it. That would be nice, wouldn't it? Then again, I could meet the wrong man and get taken advantage of. I don't trust men; I just figure they all only want to get you into bed. No wonder I can't envision getting married. I can't imagine there being a man who fits my lengthy criteria. Oh well, it's in the Lord's hands. If He wants me to marry, He'll send me someone. Until then, I'm just not going to look.
I'm so glad there's a three day weekend. I'm going to read
The Awakening, draw a lot, sleep a lot, and shoot a roll of film for my assignment. I've gotta take pictures of colors. I don't know where I'm going to find things for it. The subject is the color, so it will be hard to capture the color without the object itself being the focus. This will be a real challenge, methinks, but one I will gladly tackle. The project has potential for being very fun. Photography is never really work for me, which is why I chose it to be my major. Do what you like, and you'll like what you do, as the saying goes.
Boy, this entry has gotten out of hand, hasn't it? Sometimes I just need to ramble. Okay, truth is, I left my book at home and finished my knitting early this morning, so there isn't really anything I can do but write here. Well, I could work on fixing some Toaster Happy link problems, but I just don't feel like it. And I've already had my afternoon nap, so I dunno... Arg, the sense of duty to Toaster Happy has gotten to me, so I guess I'll go fix something.
Till then, don't touch that toaster! You
never know when I'll come crashing back in to check up on you.
