DISCLAIMER: The characters, story, universe, etc. of Neon Genesis 
Evangelion belong to GAINAX.  They're not mine, and I make no claim to 
them.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------
Foreword: Just a small note, in case you didn't read that side story:

"Rei" means "zero" in Japanese.  When someone uses the word "Zero" as a name, assume they are actually pronouncing that word, instead of saying "Rei".

-----------------------------------------------------------------------

" " = speech
^ ^ = thoughts
_ _ = italics

-----------------------------------------------------------------------
Angels of Armageddon
Author: Ryan Xavier
Chapter 7: _______________

"Ar...Arael..." the white-haired girl was saying.

Kensuke blinked.  He hadn't quite heard that right; the girl's voice was very quiet from the exertion of forcing herself to speak correctly.  

"Ariel?" he asked.  "Is that your name?"

The girl shook her head weakly.  "N-no...Arael..."

"Ariel, right," Kensuke said.  He turned around and picked his discarded jacket up off the ground.  "Well, pleased to meet you," he said, coming back.  "I'm Kensuke Aida.  Here, let me help you..."

The girl shook her head again at the misprununciation, but quickly realized that she was too tired to try correcting him again, and that it wasn't really worth arguing over it, anyway.  She took the boy's hand and let him help her to her feet.  

As she regained her balance, she shivered in the cold air; she was still at a loss for clothes.  Kensuke corrected that problem, wrapping his jacket around her.  She remained motionless as he did this, noticing that the clothing helped protect her against the elements.

Kensuke's _real_ intention in giving her his jacket was mostly to cover her up; he knew most girls wouldn't appreciate a horny teenager seeing them naked.  And this girl was rather...well-endowed, so to speak.  He was quite glad his jacket was oversized, being long enough to extend down below her waist.

The girl grabbed fistfuls of the jacket's lining and pulled it tightly around her, blocking out the cold as best she could.  But she still shivered; the gelatinous LCL dripping off of her body was taking all her body warmth with it.

"Now, don't worry, we're not all alone," Kensuke began to explain.  "There's a lot of other people who've come back.  We'll have some spare clothes for you."

The girl nodded.  In the back of her mind, she remembered that the lilum were often sensitive about what parts of their bodies were put into plain view.  She didn't quite understand all the rules, but figured it would be best to do what this boy said.  At least she could understand what he was saying.  That was one of the advantages of letting your mind touch a lilum's.

Kensuke pointed in the camp's direction.  "It's kind of far...but once we're there, you can lie down.  I'm sure you're tired."

The girl nodded, blinking as the air dried her eyes.  Yet otherwise, she didn't move.

"Well...come on," Kensuke said.  After another moment of motionlessness, he reached around to her back and started pushing her gently in the right direction.  The girl stumbled, surprised, then nodded and started walking, paying little attention to Kensuke's many words of apology.

^It seems I succeeded,^ she thought.  ^But now what?  Yes, I am tired.  And...hungry, that's the word for it.  This body is so weak...but it is better than what the others chose.  I guess it is as good a start as any to living as a lilum.^

She took a deep breath and let it out, slowly.  Living as a lilum.  She'd made her decision, she knew.  But it was still a whole new experience, and quite frightening.  No more power, no more regeneration, no more projectable AT field...it was going to take some getting used to.

Her footsteps slowed as she felt a small tingling in the back of her mind.  She blinked, looking off to the side - towards where the latest MP Eva had just met its demise.  What she felt was quite familiar.  It made her blood run cold.

Kensuke looked at her, worried.  "Something wrong?" he asked.

"Bardiel..." she muttered.  "You idiot.  You deserved your fate."  She turned back towards Kensuke.  "My apologies," she said, bowing slightly.  "I thought I heard an old friend."

Kensuke nodded, following as she started walking again.  "Well, that's been known to happen," he commented.  "Who knows, maybe you'll actually see someone you knew."

Arael swallowed, at the thought of that.  She'd felt another presence, in addition to Bardiel's.

^Tabris...and Zero.  No, they could _not_ be here.  It would be impossible.^

					*	*	*

Consciousness returned slowly to Rei.  At first, she was only aware that she was awake.  She could not even feel her body, a sensation which left her momentarily disoriented.  It was, in fact, not unlike existing in the sea of LCL.

Then her senses began to return.  She could soon feel the ground underneath her; and from what she felt, she'd fallen onto her face.  She also became aware of a series of sharp noises, which she identified as someone coughing violently.  She could not help wondering whether or not she was coughing, herself.

"What the _hell_ just happened?" a male voice shouted, sounding as though it were coming from the end of a long tunnel.  Rei recognized it as Suzuhara's.

Although crudely worded, the question was enough to spark Rei's memory.  Images danced in front of her eyes as she reviewed what _had_ just happened.

One second, she'd been watching two Evas fight.  The next, one of them - the enemy Eva, she remembered - had exploded.  The burst of light had swallowed up everyone nearby...leaving, of course, the question of how Touji was still alive, let alone speaking.  And then the shockwave had hit her...

Her eyes opened, as she remembered what had happened then.  She felt her chest rise as a surprised gasp filled her.

She was instantly rewarded with a view of the ground underneath her.  Rei blinked and tried to get up.  Her arms dragged along the ground as she forced them to move.  But as soon as her head left the ground, her vision blurred and her concentration shattered.  She sagged, feeling her forehead brush the dirt again.

This was nothing new, for Rei.  There had been many times before Third Impact when her injured body hadn't wanted to cooperate with her mind.  It was all a simple matter of closing your eyes...and willing your mind to focus...

When she opened her eyes again, she was sitting up.  The first thing she did was look down at her arms.  She nodded as she saw that her skin was no longer glowing.  Rei nodded, feeling a glimmer of relief at this discovery.

But even if she was physically the same, she felt...different.  That icy cold feeling that had crawled into her was still there.  It felt like it was pulsing in her blood, in synch with her heartbeat.  However, as she paid attention to it, she could tell that with each pulse, the feeling was a little weaker.  Slowly, the coldness was receding.

Rei swallowed.  That disturbing sensation of fear was welling up in her, as for one of the few times in her life, she didn't understand what was happening to her.  And even though the phenomenon had subsided, things were not the same.  She shivered, closing her eyes and trying to block out the world, if only for a brief moment.  But even behind the dark veils of her eyelids, fear still lurked.  Though she couldn't see, she could still feel that something was different.  The worst part was that she didn't know _what_ was changed.

She shoved these matters to the back of her mind, both because of the fear and because, in trying to comprehend them, she suddenly felt very, very small.  As though everything she'd learned during her life was worthless in the face of this.  As though everything humankind had learned was worthless.

After she'd calmed herself down, she opened her eyes again, letting herself look around.  She turned her head, keeping her movements slow enough that she wouldn't lose her mental control.  All around, there was a deathly calm, a feeling of uneasy peace.  The calm after the storm, so to speak.  A fine dust had settled into the air, leaving a metallic, dry taste in Rei's mouth as she breathed.

From her vantage point, she could see the crater where the Eva had met its doom.  The crater was surrounded by concentric circles of dust, looking ridiculously like ripples in a pool of water, frozen in time.  And all around, people were picking themselves up.  They all appeared stupefied, both by what had just happened, and that they were still alive after all of that.

It didn't make any sense; Rei knew that an S2 organ going critical had a larger destructive capacity than several N2 mines.  Perhaps Dr. Akagi would have an explanation.  Still confused, Rei looked around for anyone she could recognize.  At the moment, Kaoru was nowhere to be seen, so there was little chance she could ride the Eva back.

At that thought, she found that she had some aversion to riding the Eva back.  As the thought of using it for transportation crossed her mind, she was presented with a recent image.  The image of Unit-00, having just impaled the black MP Eva on its fist, using the Prog knife to sever its enemy's head.

^Do I fear using the Eva?^ she wondered, thinking this over.  ^No...that is not the problem.  Yet I still do not wish to use it, not now.  Perhaps...am I disturbed, seeing it kill so easily?^

^Or is it that I know it is so similar to me?  It follows orders without question.  And it fights without mercy or remorse.  Perhaps...I fear that the Eva and myself are _too_ much alike?^

As she thought this, her eyes focused on Touji Suzuhara.  The boy was patting his body, apparently making sure it was still all there.  He patted his left arm and leg a bit more than the rest of himself.  Finally, satisfied that he was still in one piece, he stood up.

The boy spat, trying to get the dust out of his mouth.  He looked off towards the crater, where now only Unit-00 stood.  The mech was also frozen, as though it was just as shocked by its survival as everyone else was about their own.

Rei saw Touji suddenly freeze, then turn slowly in the direction he'd been running from during the Eva's attack.

"Hikari!" he shouted, before he took off towards where he'd left the girl.

Rei thought the matter over for a moment, looking away from the scene.  She only looked back as the memory finally surfaced.

She remembered seeing Touji and Hikari as the Eva had cornered them.  Though it had been at a distance, she had still been able to see the boy run off in one direction, pushing the girl in another one.  Rei realized at this time that he'd been trying to confuse the Eva, giving it two choices instead of one.  Considering the form the Eva had taken, it was no surprise that it had had gone after Touji.  Now that she had time to think it through, she wondered now if Touji had known it would go after him.  Had he actually _wanted_ the Eva to chase after him?

^Sacrificing oneself...so that another may live,^ Rei thought.  ^This seems...familiar, somehow.^  She closed her eyes, trying to force her mind to remember.  But nothing came; merely some unclear thoughts of pain, and sadness.  Though for some reason, her mind wanted to relate it to the destruction of Unit-00.  She knew the Eva had exploded while she was in it, but the details just weren't there.

^Perhaps in the life of my second or first iteration,^ she thought.  She made a mental note to try and find out what had happened.  Though no one could really tell her what she'd been feeling at the time, any details were better than none.

She tested her legs, finding that enough of their strength had returned that they were again useable.  She shifted her weight and went to one knee, before shakily rising to her feet.

She looked back to the scene of the battle, seeing that Touji had found Hikari, and was now helping her sit up.  Rei could see the relief on his face, finding that the girl was still alive.  Hikari, for her part, was holding her abdomen with both hands as she let Touji pull her up.

The pair started talking.  At this distance, and at that volume, Rei could only hear indistinct mumbling.  But she could guess that they were comparing notes on what had just happened.  Touji was shaking his head now, shrugging.  He obviously didn't have an explanation.

Rei watched as Hikari moved against Touji, holding him close.  The boy's arms found their way around the girl's waist, as he returned the hug.  Rei tilted her head, intrigued by the show of affection.

^It is natural to seek support during a time of crisis,^ she reasoned.  ^And most people are unsettled by the prospect of death.^

As she kept watching, her eyes took on a nearly indiscernible quality of sadness.  Her gaze slowly traveled down, to look at her left arm again.  She stared at it, remembering how her skin had glowed with some kind of white light.  It had only been for a moment, but...

She hugged herself as best as she could with only one good arm, as her eyes traveled back to Touji and Hikari, who were now approaching her.

^Dolls do not need support,^ she thought, simply.  ^Is that what they think?^ she asked herself, looking around at the survivors.  Many of them were desperately seeking out their loved ones.  She, on the other hand, remained alone on the hilltop.

As she turned to go, Touji and Hikari's voices became clearer.  Apparently they were getting closer.  And as Rei walked back towards the camp, they continued to close in on her.

"So where are you hurt?" Hikari was asking.  

"Ah, I'm fine," Touji replied, in his best 'tough guy' voice.  "No Eva's gonna scare me."

Rei's eyes flickered to the side, even though they were still behind her.  If Touji's reaction when the Eva had captured him was any indication, the boy _had_ been scared.  But Rei said nothing; this conversation was none of her business.

"Suzuhara..." Hikari began, her voice going stern.  "You can at least do me the common courtesy of telling the truth."

A pause followed this.  Finally, Touji spoke up.  "Really, I'm fine," he said, though his voice was already meeker than it had been.

"I can _see_ that," Hikari said.  "But that thing almost had you, didn't it?"

"Uh...h-hey, look, there's Ayanami," he said in response.  Rei's eyes widened slightly in surprise, but she still didn't look at the pair.

"Suzuhara," Hikari said, sharply.  Their footsteps stopped abruptly as she said this.  "We can go see her in a minute.  But answer my question."

Rei's own footsteps slowed and stopped as she heard this.  Hesitantly, she turned her head, her body following along as she looked back at Touji and Hikari.

Hikari was currently standing with her back to Rei, and her fists planted firmly onto her hips.  Her face was tilted upwards, in blatant defiance of the height difference between her and Touji.  Touji was facing Hikari, though he looked as though he'd have rather been anywhere else.  His eyes met Rei's for a microsecond, only to look away, even more nervous than he'd been before.

^Why should this interaction matter to me?^ Rei wondered.  ^Their relationship is not a concern of mine.  Yet I am interested, nonetheless.^

"Uh...OK, fine!" Touji finally said, raising his voice.  "It had me.  I was ready to shit myself.  Happy?"

Hikari looked at him, leaning her face closer to his, as though trying to look right into his mind and make sure he was telling the truth.  Finally, she nodded.  As the girl turned around, Rei noticed the smile on her face.  

"That's better," Hikari said, beginning to walk again.  "Come on, let's go see how Ayanami's doing."

Touji followed after her as best he could.  He looked as though he couldn't decide whether to walk at his own pace or dash after Hikari.

"Hey, Ayanami!" Hikari called out, as she caught up to Rei.

"Horaki-san," she said, nodding at the other girl.  She stood her ground, interested in what Hikari had to say.

"Hey, Ayanami..." Hikari began.  "We just wanted to check up on you.  Were you hurt?"  Her eyes betrayed the same fear and uncertainty everyone else showed when dealing with Rei.  However, there were also traces of worry for Rei's well-being.

Rei glanced at the girl, her cold gaze boring into her.  But after a moment, the look in her eyes softened, marginally.  ^She is concerned about me?^

"I am not injured further," Rei replied.

In fact, the truth was even better.  She felt as though she'd completely recovered from her previous injuries.  The pain from her arm was just a dull memory.  And even that was fading, along with the cold feeling in her.  Both were nearly gone, now.

"Well...that's good to hear," Hikari replied, uncertain of what else to say.

Rei nodded once, also at a loss for words.  Touji, for his part, watched with some aversion.  Not only was this 'girl talk', in his book, but one of the girls was _Ayanami_.  That made it a little hard for him to add much to the conversation.

Finally, the coldness inside of Rei vanished, with a sudden snap.  Rei shuddered, though the motion was barely perceptible.  Her breathing deepened slightly as she composed herself.

It was then that she became aware of it: an odd sensation, like an invisible hand were pushing her to look in one direction.  Turning to look, she could see two tiny figures in the distance.  Even though she couldn't see their faces, she found that she just _knew_, somehow, that one of them was Kensuke Aida.  The other one...

Her eyes widened as she felt it.  A feeling of...wrongness, of something that didn't belong here.  It left a sick feeling in her, as though a snake were crawling around inside of her stomach.

She could feel that Hikari was still standing next to her.  The other girl was now shifting her balance from one foot to the next, still visibly at a loss for what to say.

"Excuse me," Rei said, nodding at Hikari.  "But there is an urgent matter I need to look into."

Hikari blinked, jumping a fraction of a centimeter as Rei's voice broke the silence that had fallen around them.  "Oh...OK, Ayanami.  Would you like us to come along?"

"That will not be necessary," Rei said, turning and heading for another location in the refugee camp.  She stopped after a few steps, turning around to look at the other two children.

"I..." Rei said, hesitantly.  "I will...try to speak with you later, Horaki," she finished.  The still-alien feeling of nervousness welled up in her as she said this.  ^It is difficult, speaking with others.  Especially when I know they try to avoid me.^

Hikari, for her part, smiled.  "OK, Ayanami.  See you later."  She then started walking back into the camp, drawing Touji alongside her.  The boy was immediately brimming over with questions about when his girlfriend and Ayanami had gotten so close.  Hikari did her best to answer, mostly saying that Ayanami might just want a friend.

					*	*	*

"Well..." Shinji began, slowly.

He was standing on a small hill, overlooking the battlefield, where Unit-00 was crouching, waiting for its next command.  Most of the people had already cleared out, going back to their homes in hopes of finding some kind of comfort.

"Well...?" Kaoru asked, standing next to him.

"I'm glad you weren't hurt as badly as you were last time."

Kaoru nodded.  "Yes.  And Rei, as well."

Shinji nodded, smiling a little.  "Yeah, I'm really happy she could walk back under her own power.  But..."

Kaoru could tell what his friend wanted to say.  He turned his head, looking over the battlefield.  Everyone who _could_ leave, already _had_.  Unfortunately, there were a few people who could not just get up and walk away.  Those people had learned the hard way that being in close proximity to a mecha battle is not very conducive to a long life.  A few red splatters on the ground betrayed where an Eva had misstepped, or where one had gone skidding right through someone who hadn't gotten out of the way in time.

A mix of emotions were going through Shinji.  At first, he felt sickened that he was looking at what had once been a few human beings. Then he felt some secret relief that it was no one he'd gotten to know very well.  Then he felt guilty for feeling that way; everyone here was his responsibility!  He couldn't just ignore their deaths!

At least Kaoru was taking it well.  The boy was surprisingly stoic, even though several of those deaths were the result of his own combat maneuvers.

"It's no use regretting what you can't change, Shinji-kun," Kaoru said, patting Shinji on the arm.  "It just lowers your spirits.  And we have enough trouble with that, already," he said, smiling a little.

Shinji shook his head.  "But...I just _can't_ pass off their deaths - "

"I'm not saying you should," Kaoru said.  "But I can see you're starting to obsess over it.  You're wondering if you could have avoided it, right?"

"Well...I guess so..."

"Shinji-kun, it's not your fault.  You can't do this to yourself.  The people still alive depend on you.  They are all scared, as well.  If you are as frightened as they are, you can't help them."

Shinji sighed.  "It's just hard, looking at this..."

Kaoru did something he rarely did: frown.  "Shinji, there's little you can do from here.  You've been through a lot already.  Let's go back, for now."  He put his arm around Shinji's shoulders and started turning the boy around.

Shinji let himself be turned.  He started walking alongside Kaoru, as they headed back.

"So, think about something else.  What are you going to do when you get back?"

"...I don't know."

"I'll try this a different way.  What _should_ you be doing?"

"I suppose I should try finding people who can clean up and identify the bodies."

"They won't have much luck," Kaoru said, quietly.  "What else?"

"Kaoru-kun, I _don't_know_, okay?" Shinji snapped.  After a moment, he calmed down.  "Sorry," he mumbled.

"No, it's fine," Kaoru said, patting Shinji on the shoulder.  "I have a suggestion."

"All right.  What is it?"

"Why don't you go talk with Rei?"

Shinji's brow furrowed as he looked at his friend.  "What?" he asked.

"She was also involved in this battle.  It would be a good idea for you to talk with her about it.  You talked to _me_."

"Yes, but...you're two different people," Shinji said.  "I don't know..."

As he said this, his memory trailed back to the incident several days ago, when he'd visited Rei in the makeshift hospital room.  What she'd done...

It was just a little strange, thinking about it.  On one hand, it made him fear Rei even more, since now she was acting...strangely.  Even for her.  On the other hand, it made him feel a little more comfortable around her: she _had_ asked him to stop being afraid of her.  That meant she cared about what people thought about her.  Or at the very least cared what _he_ thought about her.

Something else registered in his mind, as he went over the battle.

"You know, I meant to ask you this, but...Ayanami activated the Dummy plug, didn't she?"

Kaoru's eyes looked upwards, as he went over the battle.  After a moment, he nodded.  "Yes, I'm quite certain of that.  I believe she even activated it before I was ready; it rendered me unconscious.  The very fact that Unit-00 still won after I had passed out shows that she activated the autopilot system."

"In that case, I definitely need to talk with her."

Kaoru nodded, smiling a little.  He looked at Shinji, though, suspicious as to what he needed to talk to Rei about.

"Well...in any case, I suppose I should power up Unit-00 and move it out of the way," Kaoru said.

"Yeah...I guess so," Shinji said.  "OK, thank you for your help, Kaoru-kun."

"Anytime you want to talk, Shinji-kun, I'll be here.  I..." he trailed off, as he felt an odd sensation; the same one Rei had felt just a few moments earlier.  He looked off towards the camp, squinting as though trying to see something.

"Something wrong, Kaoru-kun?" Shinji asked, worried.

"No, everything is fine," Kaoru replied, returning to himself.  "I'll see you back at camp."

"Right."

Kaoru turned around and headed back towards the Eva, to get within the range he could control it.  Shinji, for his part, kept walking, heading back to the camp.

As he walked, he noticed two humanoid forms slowly making their way back, as well.  Judging from their position, they'd probably come from the sea of LCL.  As he got closer to them, Shinji recognized one of them as Kensuke.  The other...

^Never seen _her_ before,^ Shinji thought.  ^And I thought I was at least familiar with everyone's face.  Wait a second...if they're coming from the sea of LCL...^

He stopped, taking a moment to think it over.  Finally, he concluded it was at least worth looking into, if only to avoid having to tell everyone back at camp that a few people had died in the last battle.

					*	*	*

Arael was still walking.  The rocky ground hurt her bare feet, making her wince whenever she stepped on a stone.  Kensuke was walking alongside her, looking very apologetic.  Not just that she had to go through all this, but that he didn't know how to make it any easier.

As she walked, Arael pulled her hand out of the jacket Kensuke had loaned her.  She grabbed a handful of her own shoulder-length hair and pulled it around so she could see it.  Her eyes narrowed as she saw its coloration.  She was fairly sure that totally white hair was rare in lilum, at least at her apparent age.  Her skin, which she noticed was slightly darker than Kensuke's, contrasted greatly with her hair.

^As I understand it, the Lilum return in forms representing the way they see themselves,^ she thought.  ^Is this how I see myself?  Taking a lilum's body was a new experience, so perhaps there were some anamolies.  This is a very strange color for my hair.  Yet...I should be happy that I am even alive, I suppose.  It is preferable to spending further time with Armisael...^

She shuddered at the thought.  Armisael.  The name would mean 'betrayal' for her, now and forever afterwards.  She would never forgive that..._thing_ for what it had done.

"Oh!  Are you cold?" Kensuke asked.  "Sorry...I just wasn't carrying anthing else for you to wear."

Arael shook her head.  "No, I am well," she said, exercising her vocal cords again.  It had been nearly impossible to speak, a few moments ago.  Actually, she hadn't even been sure of how to _breathe_ at first.  But then, in desperation, she'd delved into the memories she'd stolen from that lilum girl.  She'd sifted through them, learning how the action of breathing worked, and what speaking felt like.  Knowledge of Japanese had followed soon after.  Now, she could talk - more or less - as though she'd been doing it for years.

^I just wish I did not feel so guilty for learning that way,^ she thought.  ^I was only able to survive those first few minutes by using the memories that were my weapon, not long ago.  Memories that were not even mine.^

That could put a damper on other Angels ever returning in human form.  Few others had ever touched a lilum's mind, and she didn't trust those who had.  Any other Angels that tried to return as lilum would likely suffocate on deoxygenated LCL before they had any idea of what was going on.

She looked at the ground, a few meters in front of her feet.  Kensuke, seeing that she was unresponsive, said nothing more.  For a moment, there was only the relative silence of them walking.  Then another person could be heard approaching.  

He turned his head to look at who it was.  He waved as he saw that it was Shinji coming up to them.

"Hey there, Shinji!" he called out.  This snapped Arael out of her thoughts.  Her head popped up, and she turned to face the new arrival.

"This guy's name is Shinji Ikari," Kensuke whispered to her, as the other boy closed the distance.  "You'll want to be nice to him."

Arael's eyes turned in their sockets, glancing at Kensuke.  She nodded, wordlessly.  Then her brow furrowed in thought.  Ikari...she was sure she'd heard that name somewhere before, a lifetime ago...

"Hi, Kensuke.  You all right?" Shinji asked, coming up to them.

"Better," Kensuke said, shoving out his chest as best he could.  "You wouldn't believe what just happened."

Shinji turned his gaze to Arael.  The girl drew back slightly, unconsciously.  She had some feeling of apprehension, looking at this boy.  As though, at another time, he'd been a threat.  But she knew she'd never seen him before.

To top it all off, Shinji was looking at her strangely, as well.  A flicker of recognition, so dim that it could have just been an illusion, went through his eyes.  He studied her face, trying to call up the memory he could feel tickling in his mind.  There was something about this girl...

"She's just now coming out of the LCL," Kensuke began, oblivious to the suspicious glances his companions were giving each other.  He gestured to her.  "She says her name is Ariel."

^Actually,^ Arael thought, ^that mispronuciation could work out in my favor.  There _may_ be some lilum who are familiar with the name Arael.  And 'Ariel' is more of a lilum's name, in any case...^

Shinji nodded slowly, still lost in thought.  "How are you doing, uh...Ariel-san?" he asked hesitantly, realizing he hadn't heard her last name.  "Are you feeling all right?"  He tried to sound genial, but suspicion lingered in his voice.

"I am fine," she replied, nodding.  "But I am cold.  And...hungry."

Shinji nodded, smiling a little.  "Come on.  I'll show you where you can get something to eat."

Arael began to follow.  She stopped short, however, as she spied something coming up over a hill.

It was a large, humanoid form.  It had been hidden by the hill, stuck in a crouching position.  But now it was standing up, rising to its full height.  Blue armor glinted in the sun.  Slowly, it lifted a leg and started to walk.  The tremors from its footsteps could be felt, even out at this distance.

Arael's eyes widened, as her breath quickened.  She didn't have to go into the lilum girl's memories to recognize that monster.  A halfhearted copy of Adam, with its will twisted and subdued to follow the commands of the lilum.  Even at this distance, Arael could feel something familiar, yet at the same time _wrong_, with Evangelion Unit-00.  Where had it come from?  What was it doing?  Why were the lilum not worried by its appearance?  Hundreds of other questions flooded her mind.

Kensuke, who'd been walking away, turned to see the girl was still frozen in place behind him.  He went back up to her, turning to see what held her attention.  As he looked, Unit-00 turned its head, looking directly at them.  It leaned forwards slightly, as though getting a better view of the new arrival.

"Oh, _that_," Kensuke said.  He smiled.  "Don't worry, it's not harmful.  It's on our side."  He failed to notice the trickle of urine running down the girl's leg.

Arael didn't even hear him.  All she could see was that blue monster looking directly at her.  All it needed was a long spear, and it would look exactly as she remembered it.  Her eyes rolled up in her head.

"Well, come on," Kensuke said, starting to walk again.  "I'll explain later - "

_Thud_.

He turned around, to see the girl was laid out on the ground, flat on her back.  Her eyes were closed, and her body was limp.

"Hey," he said, shocked.  "Hey!" he repeated, more loudly.  He got down to one knee, next to her.  "Ariel, what's wrong?"

He relaxed as he saw that her chest was still rising and falling.  So she'd just passed out.  That made it _slightly_ better.  Now he just had to wake her up...

"Hey, Shinji!" he called out to the other boy.  "Gimme a hand, here!"

"What happened?" Shinji asked, catching up and going to one knee, on the other side of the girl.

"Guess she doesn't like Evas," Kensuke reasoned.  "She saw that," he said, pointing to Unit-00, "and passed out cold."

"Weird," Shinji said, glancing down at her again.  He stared at her, as though willing his eyes to recognize her.  Finally, he shook his head, frustrated.  "Well, come on.  Let's get her somewhere where she can lie down."

					*	*	*

Some time later, Ariel - now becoming more familiar with her new name - was escorted into the shelter that had become their makeshift infirmiary.  Leaning on Kensuke's shoulder for support, she stumbled into the small room through the open doorway.  Kensuke helped her to sit on the small, raised cot.

"Are you feeling all right, now?" the boy asked.

Ariel nodded, holding up a hand to say that she just needed a minute to recuperate.

^The copy of Father...^ she was thinking.  ^How is it here?  And _alive_?  Did it see me?  Did it see what I was?  The only Father-copy that would know me any better would be that red one...^

Kensuke's mouth turned down as he saw her sink into thought.  Yet he was also noticeably unsure of what to do.

To give her some time, he stepped out of the shelter and paced around outside the doorway.  After a moment, Shinji came back, with a set of clothes for the girl.  Kensuke dropped them off inside, muttering apoligies about the delay, before going back outside.

As he paced outside the doorway, a few people came up to ask who had just arrived.  To all of them, he said the same thing: he hadn't seen her before, and she didn't want to be disturbed, right now.

Not many people came with questions, though.  Most of them were too concerned with the battle that had just been finished.  They were worried about their loved ones, especially now that word was going around that there had been a few deaths.  Kensuke would have been worried about Touji and Hikari, had he not seen them as he came into town.  He felt guilty for not being worried about the other people, but it still made him feel better to know that the ones he knew best were still alive.

After several minutes, the crunch of footsteps approached and stopped, next to him.  Kensuke sighed, knowing he had to go through another repetition of the same old story he gave anyone who asked about the new girl.

He turned to start, but immediately broke off.  Looking at him was the pale, smiling face of Kaoru Nagisa.  

Kensuke's mind blanked; he didn't know what to say to this boy.  He had the same mysterious, nervousness-inducing air as Ayanami did, but at the same time was much more friendly.  Kensuke had talked with him a few times before, but still was uncertain about the other boy.

"I hear someone new's come in," Kaoru said, breaking the silence.  "Is this true?"

"Uh...yeah," Kensuke said, sheepishly.  "She says her name is Ariel."

"Ariel...what?" Kaoru asked, turning to lean up against the side of the shelter, next to Kensuke.

Kensuke paused at the movement on the part of the other boy, then shook it off.  "Actually, she didn't say what her family name was," he explained.  "And I didn't really wanna ask her; she doesn't seem like she's in great health, right now."

"Hm," Kaoru replied, leaning against the wall and looking away from Kensuke.  They sat like that for several minutes, Kensuke not knowing what to say, and Kaoru giving no indication he even intended on talking.

"I don't suppose I could go and see her?" Kaoru asked, finally, turning his head again to look at Kensuke.

The other boy glanced into Nagisa's red eyes, not really knowing what to say.  "Well...she said she just needs some time alone."

Kaoru quirked an eyebrow.  "That's interesting.  I'd think she would want to be assured she isn't alone.  Is that not what people fear when they come out of the LCL?"

"Well...yeah..." Kensuke stammered, trying to find a flaw in that logic.  Seeing the innocent look on Kaoru's face, he found it very hard to say no.

"OK, fine," Kensuke said.  "I'll introduce you.  But don't blame me if she throws us both out."

"So violent already?" Kaoru asked, smiling again.  "She could be related to Soryu."

"Oh, damn," Kensuke said, in mock horror.  "I sure hope not.  But, eh...she 'outdoes' Soryu in one respect," he said, nudging Kaoru in the ribs.  He smiled lecherously as he said this.

Kaoru only nodded.  "Perhaps an actress, then.  Well, now I _must_ see her."

"OK, c'mon," he said, gesturing for Kaoru to follow him as he stepped into the shelter.

"Uh...Ariel, are you awake?" Kensuke asked.  The sun, coming in through a seam in the 'roof', highlighted her lithe form, lying flat on the bed.  She'd put on the clothes he'd left for her; now she was dressed in blue jeans and a white shirt, both of which were a few sizes too large for her.  Her impressive figure still showed, however, even through the loose clothes.

"Yes," came the immediate reply, in that same calm, yet melodious voice.

"OK, well...I have someone who wants to see you."

"Oh.  Aida-san, can I just have a few more moments to think things over?"

"Well..." he said, pausing.  Women still scared him, even after living with Hikari for a while.  He didn't know what to say.

"I just wanted to meet the new arrival," Kaoru said, stepping in, going by Kensuke.

At the sound of his voice, Ariel sat up quickly.  She blinked, looking at Kaoru, who was standing in the relative shadow of one of the corners.  Her eyes widened as recognition flickered through them.

"Tabris..." she whispered, in total shock.

Kaoru's grin widened, though his eyes went hard as he looked at her.  His chin came down, then back up, in the slightest of nods.

"Tabris?" Kensuke asked, confused.  "Who's that?  This guy's name is Nagisa."

Ariel drew her legs back, against her chest.  She swallowed loudly. "Stay away, Tabris..." she muttered, her breathing accelerating.  "I don't...I'm not..."

"The boy is right," Kaoru said, still smiling.  "I don't know any Tabris.  I hear your name is Ariel.  Allow me to introduce myself.  Kaoru Nagisa, here to meet you," he said, bowing ceremoniously.

Ariel seemed to calm, slightly.  "R-right," she said, stuttering a little.  Kensuke noted the growing look of desperation on her face.

"Well...c'mon, Nagisa.  Let's go back outside," Kensuke said, grabbing Kaoru's arm.  "Can you show me the Eva again?"

He started walking away, but stopped short, as Kaoru didn't budge.  He kept his hands in his pockets and a smile on his face.  He turned his head slightly to look at Kensuke.

"I think I have a few things to talk over with the new arrival," Kaoru said, calmly.  "I will show you the Eva later, Aida-kun."

"Uh...but Nagisa, she wants you to leave her alone..."

"It's fine, trust me," Kaoru said, putting on his most winning smile.  "Just give me a minute."

"Well..."

Kaoru turned, breaking out of Kensuke's grip.  The boy, no longer hanging onto Nagisa, started walking out.  Just before he left, Kaoru called out to him.

"Oh, and if Rei comes by, could you let her in in here as well, Aida-kun?  I believe she will also want to see this new arrival."

Kensuke nodded at Kaoru, confused, but then walked off, at a loss for other things to do.

As soon as Kensuke was out of sight, Kaoru whirled around, facing Ariel.  His grin had vanished entirely.

"Talk," he said, simply.

Ariel swallowed again, her jaw clenching.  She said nothing.

"Please, let's not do this, Arael," Kaoru said, pronouncing the girl's name correctly.  "I'll start more simply.  Why are you here?  No, I should rephrase that.  _How_ are you here?"

Ariel again remained silent.  She watched, still wide-eyed, as Kaoru pulled up a chair and sat down in it.  The boy crossed his legs and waited patiently.

"I don't want to kill the Lilum!" Ariel blurted out, finally cracking under his stare.  "No, I'm not like the others!"

Kaoru nodded.  "Fine, if you say so.  But how are you here, Arael?"

The girl shook her head.  "Zero couldn't keep us locked up forever," she muttered.  "I suppose the bonds broke when you and Zero finally left the sea of LCL.  It took you long enough..."  That last sentence was not meant for Kaoru's ears.  He heard her anyway, but said nothing.

"So...the others...?"

"What do you think?" Arael asked, defensively.  "That only _I_ was freed?"

Kaoru shook his head.  "No, I have been developing some theories.  I will need to speak with Ritsuko-san about them, though."

"Ritsuko-san?"

"Forget her.  Now, how is it _you_ are here, Arael?  And as a lilum, no less."

Ariel shook her head again.  "It is just how things came to pass.  You should know, Tabris.  After the unification, a soul could only return in a human form."

"Which is why the other Angels are attacking, then?" Kaoru asked, cynical.  "Why they are using the AT field to hurt Lilum, again?"

Arael blinked.  "So you know..." she muttered.  "Look, I didn't have anything to do with that!  I - "

"Your eyes tell a different story, Arael.  You know something, do you not?"

"I...I...Tabris, don't hurt me..."

"I do not plan on doing so," Kaoru said, his voice marginally more friendly.  "But I still want you to answer the question."

Ariel again went silent.  She turned her head, becoming very interested in the wall.  Kaoru again went back to waiting.  He had time to spare, he knew.  He could wait her out.

Fate stepped in, however, and kept him from waiting for very long.  After just a few more minutes, Rei Ayanami walked in.  She glanced at Kaoru, who nodded before gesturing at the girl on the bed.

Rei looked at Ariel at the same time Ariel turned her head to see who had come in.  Red eyes met pink.  For a long moment, nothing happened.  After a time, Ariel got to her feet, never once breaking eye contact with Rei.  Her face began to twitch, as she obviously began holding back some feeling inside.  It wasn't long before that emotion broke free.

"YOU!" she shouted, lunging at Rei.

Rei smoothly moved to the side, as though she'd been expecting that all along.  Ariel missed, her hands grabbing at the air where the blue-haired girl had been a moment ago.  She turned, her eyes blazing as she stalked up to Rei.

She was stopped, however, as two arms came in under her armpits and looped around over her shoulders.  Suddenly restrained from moving forwards, she strained against the hold, reaching forwards with clutching hands, trying to claw at Rei.

"I'LL KILL YOU, ZERO!  YOU HEAR ME?  I'LL _KILL_ YOU!  TABRIS, LET ME _GO_!"

Kaoru, standing behind her, would not let her go.  The grip he had on her prevented her from turning, so all Ariel could do was weakly beat on him by reaching backwards with her arms.  It wasn't long, though, before her strength gave out and she slumped in his grip, going to her knees.

Breathing hard, Ariel still tried to crawl forwards, towards Rei.  Absolute hatred burned in her eyes.  Kaoru, however, was still more than strong enough to keep her from making any headway.

"Why are you here?" Rei asked, her face still expressionless as she looked down at Ariel.

Ariel spat at Rei in response, only succeeding in hitting the other girl's shin.  Rei gave no indication that she'd even noticed.

"You have much to learn, Arael-san," Kaoru said, pulling the girl back to her feet and dragging her towards the bed.  Ariel struggled for the first meter or so, but then her arms fell limp by her sides, no longer having the strength to fight.  She could only glare at Rei, her mind being the only thing that wasn't exhausted, right now.

Kaoru lay her down on the bed as gently as he could, while Ariel caught her breath.  Rage continued to boil in her eyes, but this time, it didn't come out in her words.

"I am here because I could no longer stay," she said, evenly.  "The others betrayed me."

Kaoru glanced over at Rei.  "I was under the impression you had imprisoned the other Angels," he said.

"I did," Rei replied.

"She _did_," Ariel said, simultaneously.  Both Kaoru and Rei looked at her.  Kaoru's face was inquisitive, while Rei's was unreadable.

"She sealed us in the...the name evades me.  'Room of Gauf,' I believe."  She glared at Rei.  "But you could not just lock us away forever, Zero."

"I thought that place was empty," Kaoru asked Rei.  "It should have made the perfect prison."

"It _was_ empty, before Instrumentality," Rei said.  "Third Impact freed the human souls and allowed it to be filled again."

"Filled?" Ariel asked.  "_Filled_?  Zero, I was surrounded by _hordes_ of Lilum.  I had to listen to them for an eternity, just to assure myself I was still alive!"

"Her name is Rei," Kaoru corrected.  "And you would do well to remember it, Arael.  Though I suppose I should start calling you Ariel, now."

Ariel snorted, turning her head away.  "Why should I bother, Tabris?"

"Because you are a terrible liar.  You are trying to make us believe you hated being left among the Lilum, but you came to enjoy it, didn't you?"

Ariel blinked, thinking about it.  After a moment, her shoulders slumped, though she said nothing.

"It is the reason you chose to come back in this form, instead of finding some other avenue, correct?" Kaoru asked, stepping towards the bed.

Arael flinched, then nodded, grudgingly.  "I am not going to reanimate a half-perfect copy of Father, just for some pitiful revenge."

This got Rei's attention.  "You mean the Evas?" she asked.

Ariel snorted.  "Why should it matter?  You, the all-powerful _Zero_, capable of annihilating the very _souls_ of Father and Mother?  You can handle it, can't you?"

Silence fell after that.  Rei closed up again, seeing further conversation with the girl would be pointless.

^The Evas...how could I have been so careless?^ Rei thought.  ^I simply assumed that the Evas had been rendered useless by Third Impact.  But if Kaoru and myself were capable of rebuilding one of them, then it only makes sense that other beings could, as well.^

She thought it over, shaking her head.  Even if she'd done it all over again, she couldn't see herself as deciding to _more_ thoroughly destroy the MP Evas.  Their very _cores_ had been punctured during Third Impact.  They had been reduced to dead matter, an amalgamation of Adam and Lilith DNA.  They should have been beyond worthless.

But they weren't.  They were _far_ from worthless, especially now.

Kaoru rubbed at his eyes, tiredly.  "We have all had long days," he said.  "But before we leave, we should clarify your situation."  

He took a breath.  "I don't trust you," he said, flatly.  He glanced at Rei, who nodded in agreement.  "And I doubt either of us will trust you for a long time, if ever.  But you sounded genuine when you said you did not want to harm the Lilum.  So, I for one am willing to let you stay."

Rei nodded again, but said nothing.  She knew very well when _not_ to speak.  Dealing with someone like Ariel, in her current mental state, was definitely one of those times.

"Rei and I will be present in this camp at all times, however.  If we suspect you..." he trailed off, letting the rest go unsaid.  Ariel flinched, understanding immediately what would happen to her if she came under suspicion.

"Now, just a few more things," Kaoru said.  "We need to straighten you out about a few names, starting with your own..."

					*	*	*

Some short time later, Rei stepped out of the makeshift infirmiary.  She made a few cursory efforts to brush herself off as she walked away.  Some people gave her questioning glances as they walked by, but she ignored them.  The glances never lasted for long; most people didn't really want her to look back at them.  But this time, the people's faces did not betray utter fear.  Mixed in with the fear, this time, was admiration.  They all recognized the girl who'd turned them to LCL, but they also recognized Rei as the one who'd defended them - twice - against the flying demon-mechs.

She hadn't gotten very far from the infirmiary before she took note of Shinji and Kensuke, waiting a little ways off.  They seemed to be engaged in conversation.

^I suppose it is best that they did not hear the Fifteenth shouting,^ Rei thought.  ^Otherwise, they most likely would have made an incorrect conclusion about what we were doing.^

Her gaze lingered on Shinji as she walked; for several moments, she wasn't even aware that she was staring.  She didn't realize it, actually, until Shinji turned his head, noticing her.  When that happened, she quickly looked away, slightly embarassed.

^Why?^ she thought, confused.  She'd never had a problem being stared _at_, and had never cared what people thought if she stared at _them_.  Usually, it just meant she was being attentive, even if social standards usually prohibited it.

^So why do I fear him seeing me look at him, now?^ she wondered.  There were several possibilities.  First and foremost was that other people were watching.  She knew she could not afford to make enemies in her current environment, and she also knew from her experience with human culture that pursuing someone already in a relationship was looked down upon.

^Perhaps I fear that he will tell Soryu, and she will...do something rash, in reaction.^  She thought it over, deciding that that wasn't the case, either.  

But the most confusing part by far is that it felt as though something were trying to block her emotions.  The feeling was something akin to throwing stones into a stream; it still flowed, but not as much water could flow anymore.  

^What could that mean?^ she thought, as Shinji and Kensuke approached her.  ^Am I simply tired, or is something truly blocking out my feelings?^  She stopped, seeing that the boys wanted to speak with her.

But she didn't have any more time to think about it, since the two boys had closed the distance to her.

"Hi, Ayanami," Shinji said, waving.  Kensuke just smiled and nodded at the girl.  Rei briefly made eye contact with Kensuke, then turned towards Shinji.  Her eyes, intense as always, were wordlessly asking what he wanted.

"Well...uh, how's she doing?" Shinji asked.

"She is healthy, but exhausted from returning," Rei explained, her voice sounding as though she were reading something from a book.  "She is sleeping now."

Shinji nodded, then looked up, peering over Rei's head.  "Hey, Kaoru-kun!" he called out, waving.

Rei didn't need to turn around to know Kaoru would be walking out of the infirmiary about now.  He'd waited in the shelter to make sure Ariel really stayed asleep.  Now, he was probably headed back to the shelter he and Rei shared.  The boy waved at Shinji in friendly acknowledgement, then walked off, looking tired.

"So, uh..." Kensuke began, making eye contact with Rei.  The girl returned his gaze with a blank look.  "So...uh, did she say what her last name was?  I felt kinda awkward using her first name with her like that."

"Ni", Rei said, bluntly.

"Eh?"

"Ni," Rei repeated.  "That is her last name."

Kensuke blinked, wondering why the girl's last name would mean "two".  After a moment, though, he figured it wasn't worth the trouble.  He just nodded at Rei, acknowledging her help.

"So...what's up with that last battle?" Kensuke asked.  "We won, I guess."

Rei just maintained eye contact, not bothering to expend the energy to nod.

"Actually, Ayanami," Shinji began, looking at the ground, "I was hoping you could help clear something up."

Rei looked at him, sizing him up in her mind.  "I will try, Ikari-kun," she said, after a moment.

"Right.  Well...why did the Eva chase after Touji?  I saw it single him out, and then try to..._eat_ him.  Was he just in the wrong place at the wrong time?"

Rei shook her head.  "I doubt that was the case.  If you saw the Eva, then I trust you took note of its resemblance to the Thirteenth Angel."  She refrained from saying Unit-03.  The Angel had been the enemy, not the Eva.  A memory was also tickling in the back of her mind.  She seemed to remember that Shinji was sensitive about that Angel, for some reason.

Shinji nodded slowly.  "You don't mean...?" he asked, trailing off mid-question.

"I am not sure," Rei replied.  "I need to consult with Dr. Akagi.  But the Eva may have been seeking out a pilot to join with."

"So it goes after Touji..." Shinji muttered, shaking his head.  "And if that really was Unit-03, or something, then it makes sense...I guess."

Kensuke took a few steps back.  "Well...OK," he said, hesitantly.  He didn't really want to get involved with what Eva was chasing after whom.  Evas were cool and all, but when they started trying to eat your friends, it got a little too personal.

"Shinji, I'm gonna go check on Touji and Hikari," Kensuke announced.  "Where are you headed?"

Shinji took a moment to think about it before replying.  "Probably over to that plane crash," he responded.  "No...wait, I think I'll go see Akagi-san with Ayanami.  I have to find out why it targeted Touji like that."

"OK.  See ya," Kensuke said, waving as turned away.

Shinji nodded in response, then turned towards Rei before Kensuke even started walking.

"Ayanami," he said, his voice having suddenly gone stern.

Rei blinked, that being the only indication of the surprise she felt at the sudden change in his attitude.  "Yes, Ikari-kun?"

"Come on," he said, gesturing with a tilt of his head for her to follow him.  "There's something else I need to talk to you about."

Rei immediately began walking, coming alongside Shinji.  Her eyes flickered over to the side, studying his face.  He looked almost...angry.  His jaw was clenched, and his brow had furrowed slightly.  Rei felt a sensation of nervousness starting to spread through her, again.

But as opposed to the last time she'd felt this emotion towards Shinji, the nervousness seemed...dulled.  As though something had taken the edge off of what was otherwise a sharp feeling.  Rei was confused by this observation; she resolved to look into it further, when she had the chance.

"Ayanami, what were you _thinking_?" Shinji asked, spreading his hands in consternation.

Rei looked away.  She'd known this conversation would be coming.  Shinji had seemed quite adamant about how he felt the Dummy plug should be handled, the last time he'd spoken with her.

"You activated the Dummy, when I _expressly_ asked you not to," he said, keeping his voice at a conversational volume, but still letting anger show.  "Why?  Why would you put us all at risk, Ayanami?"

"For the same reason as before, Ikari-kun.  It was the most effective way to achieve victory."

Shinji closed his eyes.  "The Eva is just too dangerous when it's being controlled by the Dummy," he said, quietly.  "You're putting everyone around it at risk."

"It is a justified risk, if it means defeating the enemy."

"It's a risk you don't have the right to take!" Shinji shot back, his voice rising.  "Ayanami, you're putting _people's_lives_ in danger!  Don't you have any respect for them?"

Rei remained silent.  She knew about the concepts of respecting the dead, and caring for the welfare of the common populace.  She'd never believed in them.  

But now...

^If I truly did not care, then why did I need to convince myself that their deaths were necessary?^  She wondered.  ^Perhaps I blamed myself.  Which could mean...^

"Do you blame me for the deaths that occurred as a result of the battle?" she asked, in the same calm voice.

Shinji calmed down quickly.  "No, no..." he said, shaking his head.  "They were just in the wrong place at the wrong time.  I'm sure the other Eva would have killed them, anyway, if Unit-00 hadn't been there."

"Ikari - "

"Just wait, Ayanami," Shinji said, cutting Rei off.  "Maybe you're right.  _Maybe_ activating the Dummy was the only way to win.  But _think_ a little before taking the quickest solution!"

"Ikari..." Rei began, pausing immediately after speaking.  Shinji didn't cut in this time, so she continued.

"Ikari-kun, you are no longer combat personnel.  Kaoru-san and myself are the ones who must make decisions regarding the Eva's actions.  And I did what I chose to be the right course of action to defeat the enemy."

Shinji remained silent for a long time after Rei had spoken.  They walked in silence for a considerable distance.

^It seems I have offended him,^ Rei thought.  ^Ikari...can you not understand my point of view?  I know the Dummy is dangerous.  I take a risk whenever it is activated.  But the threat of an MP Eva is a certainty, not a risk.  If I had not activated the Dummy, we would _all_ have been in danger.^

She thought it over.  She wanted to talk to Shinji, tell him these exact words.  But the words wouldn't come.  She knew why: Commander Ikari often went silent, when he was _really_ angry.  Rei had observed him conducting verbal assaults before.  Often, he was close to committing cold-blooded murder when he paused, like Shinji had just now.

Rei found she was afraid.  She'd received her share of verbal attacks, a few of which had even come from the Commander himself.  But Shinji exhibiting this behavior was making her stomach turn.  ^Why?^ she thought.  ^Ikari, how is it you make me feel this way?^

Finally, Shinji stopped walking.  Rei stopped short, as well, not wanting to leave him behind.  That, and she could tell he had something to say.

"Is that really all you care about, Ayanami?" Shinji asked, looking her right in the eye.

Rei blinked.  She's seen many expressions on Shinji Ikari's face before, but this was a new one.  His face was deadpan, but his eyes were hard.  It was as though fury was somewhere down inside of him, and the sheer effort of controlling it was killing all facial expression.

"It was what needed to be done - " Rei began.

"But _is_ that all you think about?" Shinji asked, anger beginning to seep into his voice.  "Is Eva _all_ you do?  Just 'how can I defeat the next enemy quickest?'"

"Ikari...I...no, I have chosen to live beyond Eva."

"And how so?" Shinji asked, looking at her again with those hard eyes.

Rei's throat closed up.  ^Because of you,^ she thought.  But she found that she couldn't say it.  Just thinking about telling him how she felt made the feelings of fear grow tenfold.  As such, she averted her eyes from his.

^Why do I fear him?^ she thought.  ^I have no reason to...do I?^

"You _really_ haven't changed, have you, Ayanami?" Shinji asked.  "I thought you were a girl trying to start her life over.  But no, your life is still just as tied to Eva as it always was...maybe even _more_ so, now.  You only care about killing 'the enemy', and you _still_ don't care about your life or the lives of others."

He paused, thinking.  "Even without my father around, that's all you are," he said, his voice so quiet it was almost a whisper.  "Maybe you should have stayed in the LCL."

Rei's throat went dry as he spoke.  He didn't shout, or even raise his voice until those last few words.  Through it all, his tone had been even and calm.  Somehow, that had made it even worse than if he'd become violent and animated.  And, because of this, Rei finally figured out what she'd been wondering about.

^Ikari is rejecting me,^ she thought.  ^He does not desire my presence.  That...that is why I fear him.  Because I feared this would happen.^

The last time she'd thought he rejected her, she'd become angry.  This time, though, she was just stunned.  Her mind was running in a loop, unable to come up with anything to say or do to try and make it better.  Perhaps the damage had already been done.

^Just like that other time,^ she thought.  ^When he chose to leave me behind, it was too late.  I could not go with him.^

"Well, come on," Shinji said, sounding tired and fed up.  "We still have to go and see Akagi-san."

Still a little shocked, Rei just nodded, and trailed after him as he walked off.

					*	*	*

Kaoru trudged into the large shelter he and Rei shared.  It had indeed been a very _long_ day.

He made it over to the blanket he slept on, lowering himself onto it and lying on his back.  After a moment, he laced his fingers together behind his head.  He closed his eyes, letting himself relax.  He wasn't tired enough to sleep, but his muscles were protesting against any further movement.

^It is disturbing, hearing what Arael...Ariel told us.  So the other Angels may remain a threat.  I myself never would have guessed the MP Evas could have been used again, so it only makes sense that Rei would have missed that, as well.  I hope we have the strength to handle any others that decide to attack.^

He sighed.  It was too late in the day to be thinking like this.  He needed to sleep.  He closed his eyes and let himself relax.

Some measure of time passed.  The sun, already on the horizon, set as he dozed off.  The stars were beginning to wink into view as another set of tired footsteps roused him from his peaceful rest.  He didn't need to open his eyes to tell who it was.

"Good evening, Rei," he said, quietly.

A muffled 'thud' sounded next to him, followed shortly thereafter by some rusting noises as Rei sat down.  Kaoru opened his eyes, seeing that she'd dropped a small pack, and was pulling a small container out of it.  If Kaoru's guess was right, the container was holding that stew he was quickly becoming sick of.

Smoothly and methodically, Rei poured herself some of the gray liquid, using a small cup she'd brought along for the purpose.  Eyes staring blankly into space, she started drinking.  Kaoru could tell something was wrong.  She looked like she was working off of reflex and memorized actions only, not really thinking about what she was doing.

"Rei?" he asked, turning his head a little to get a better look at her.  "Is something bothering you?"

The girl gave no indication she'd heard him.  She just kept drinking her meal.  Kaoru watched her for another few moments.  He was about to look away when he saw it: a single, glistening water droplet falling from her eye, and running down her face.  The girl didn't even notice it.

"Rei?" he asked.  "Rei, what's wrong?"

Rei set her cup down and curled up, holding her legs against her chest.  For the first time in several minutes, she blinked.  Her eyes flickered over to the side, noting Kaoru's presence, and his questioning gaze.

"Ikari-kun resents me," she said, finally.

Kaoru propped himself up on one arm.  He took a moment to choose his words, looking up into the darkening sky as he did so.  He noticed that the moon was about to come out.

"That's a rather strong word," he commented.  "Are you certain he really feels that way?  Or did he just say something out of anger?"

Rei paused, remembering the anger she'd seen behind Shinji's eyes.  "I fear it may be the former.  He...he suggested that conditions would be better had I never returned."

"Well, _that's_ not right," Kaoru replied.  "You sound like you're not sure.  I can tell you that things are better now than they would have been otherwise.  You're getting a second chance."

"...And with this 'second chance', I again choose a life path that revolves around Eva and battle."

Kaoru licked his teeth pensively.  "Is that true, Rei?  Is Eva the only thing that matters in your life?"

"No," Rei replied, immediately and without hesitation.  Kaoru nodded, smiling at the certainty he heard in her voice.

"But...when Ikari-kun asked me the same question, I could not answer," she replied.  "I found my thoughts were muddled.  I was unable to think of a suitable response."

"Why was that?"

"I...I believe that I felt fear.  Fear that my response would...cause him to reject me."

Kaoru tilted his head, interested.  He reached into the pack Rei had brought and sorted through its contents, eventually pouring himself a cup of the stew.  The smell made his nose curl up, but he knew he had to eat something after the day's events.

"I wonder..." he began, casually.  "Why you would suddenly fear a single lilum.  You have been able to face down Angels, and even deal with your own death, so easily.  So why the fear?"

Rei shook her head.  "My...memories of Third Impact have slowly been resurfacing.  I still cannot recall the specifics," she said.  "But I know that I started it, that I unified humanity into a sea of souls, so that I could protect Ikari-kun.  And..." she trailed off, her throat closing for a moment.  She didn't quite understand why her throat would seal up like that, but it took a few moments before she could clear it.  "And I remember he rejected Third Impact, and in doing so rejected me.  Perhaps...with this 'second chance' I have, I fear it will end the same way my past existence did."

Kaoru nodded thoughtfully.  "How do you feel about Shinji-kun, Rei?  You don't sound as sure as you normally do."

Rei remained silent for a long time.  Kaoru eventually levered himself into a sitting position, forcing himself to drink the stew he had.  He waited, patiently.

"I do not have a single word," Rei said, quietly.  "I remember feeling angry, when I first thought he was rejecting me.  But at the same time I felt fear, because I somehow knew I would be helpless to stop him if he _did_ decide to reject me.  I have never been helpless before, yet Ikari-kun makes me feel that way.  It is...disturbing."

"Understandable," Kaoru commented.  "I myself feared letting Shinji-kun become too close, as that would mean I could be hurt.  I believe all lilum feel the same way."

Kaoru observed her silent form as the night slowly descended.  Rei just sat there for the next hour or so, thinking over the day's events.  After a while, she lay down and closed her eyes, trying to rest.  

At some point during their conversation, the moon had made its appearance.  As Re moved, though, the light of the moon fell on her, lighting up her pale skin and giving it the appearance of porcelain.

Flawless...priceless...untouchable...all those words described the feeling Kaoru got looking at her, at that moment.  A thought came into his mind.

"When was the last time someone touched you?" he asked Rei.

Rei turned her head, meeting his eyes with a cold stare.  But after a moment, her eyes softened and she blinked.  "What do you mean?" she asked.

"When did someone willingly make physical contact with you?  Or the other way around," he added on, almost as an afterthought.

Rei turned away again, going back to staring straight ahead.  "Six days ago," she replied.

"And before that?"

"The day before."

Kaoru nodded, pursing his lips.  "Impressive," he replied.  "This from the girl who drives everyone away?"

It may have been a trick of the light, but Rei's cheeks appeared to redden slightly.  She turned her head so he wouldn't see.  "Ikari-kun is slightly more open," she replied.

Kaoru blinked.  "What do you mean?  That he has less trouble touching you?"

"He does not fear me as much as the others do," Rei replied in the same even voice, though her blush deepened.  "I asked him to."

Kaoru nodded again.  He looked away from her, closing his eyes again.  "Have you ever touched him?" he asked.  "It may help you come to grips with your feelings."

Rei blinked at the question, again turning her head to look over at him.  For a long time, she said nothing.  Kaoru's breathing became slow and even during this time, but Rei could somehow tell that he was not asleep.

"It has not..." she finally replid, speaking slowly.  "It has only served to make me more confused."

Kaoru opened one eye, the single red iris turning to gaze at her.  "Where did you touch him?"

Rei let out a breath, slowly.  "His cheek," she replied.  "Both times."

"Both?"

"I struck him one day, long ago...when he insulted the Commander.  And, six days ago...I caressed his other cheek, with my other hand."

Kaoru smiled, closing his eye again.  "You are an enigma, Rei.  You fear him, yet feel safe around him.  You've hit him, yet you have caressed him, as well.  I don't know what to tell you."

"I did not expect you to know, Kaoru-san."

"Then again," he continued, as though Rei hadn't spoken, "lilum are known for their contradictions.  Perhaps being bipolar just means that whatever it is you feel...is real."

Rei blinked, not looking at him.  She stood up and, using her good arm rolled up her right sleeve, baring some of her pale skin.  Kaoru, hearing the rustling, sat up, opening his eyes and watching, curiously.

"Yet there is something else I fear, Kaoru-san," she said, reaching down into the pack.

"Which is?"

Rei stood back up.  Her left hand now clutched a black knife hilt.  "That what I feel may soon disappear," she said.  "Can you not sense it, Kaoru-san?  My feelings seem dulled, after this most recent battle."

Kaoru looked down at the ground.  "Yes," he said, calmly.  He looked back up at her.  "Yes, I was afraid that might happen."

Rei pressed the release catch on the hilt, the glittering blade flipping out of the handle and locking into place.  "You knew?" she asked, unsurprised.

"Yes," he said.  "We should see Ritsuko-san, after she aquires the necessary equipment.  This may also be why we have survived the MP Eva battles so far, even with the subsequent explosions."  He paused, choosing his words.  "We may be losing our connection to the Lilum.  Becoming what we were."

"_May_ be?" Rei asked, as she inverted the blade and buried it into her cast.

Kaoru, shocked, raised one hand, his mouth opening to shout at her to stop.  But from the look on Rei's face, he could tell that doing so would not help.  She was determined to accomplish what she was doing.

"Be careful," he said, watching as she cut a longitudinal slash down the cast.

"I have cut off my own casts before," she replied, getting down to her wrist and finishing the cut.  She then turned her arm over and made a matching cut on the other side.  Kaoru watched quietly, letting her show him whatever it was she wanted to show him.  He had a fairly good idea of what it was.

Finally, she was done.  The cast fell off her arm, clattering to the ground in two pieces.  Rei held out her now-freed arm.  Kaoru could tell immediately that it was no longer broken.  Rei flexed her arm, moving it through a few arcs to make sure it still worked.

"No human heals so quickly," she said, quietly.  "Yet after the battle, I felt that my arm was no longer injured."

"And that your emotions were dulled?"

"For several minutes afterwards, my emotions were virtually nonexistent," she said, looking down at him.  She was visibly trying to keep her composure, but worry was still showing on her face.  "I fear that if this continues, I will lose them."

"So your emotions are important to you now, Rei?"

Rei went silent, looking away from his eyes.  "I do not know yet," she said.  "Yet I still desire to explore them.  I do not want them taken from me, before I can even understand them."

"Well," Kaoru said, lying back down, "that's up to you, Rei.  I will be here to talk, but I cannot explain your emotions for you."

Rei was quiet after he said that, looking at him.  Inside, she felt disappointed.  Kaoru obviously had a better understanding of his feelings than she did.  She'd been hoping he could tell her what she was missing out on.

Finally, Rei shook her head slightly, and turned to go.

"Goodnight, Rei," Kaoru mumbled, listening to her leave.  ^And I wish you good luck in figuring out what you feel,^ he mentally added on.  ^I know I would not want to be in your shoes, right now.^

					*	*	*

Rei walked out of the shelter, turning and going around behind it.  There, illuminated by the moon, Unit-00 knelt, powered down and waiting until it was needed.

Rei approached the mech, her face betraying only a small hint of the confusion she felt inside.  She felt as though she needed a change in scenery.  And the Eva had been a companion for so long, she felt that she would be able to relax if she was near it.  Even though it was just a machine, it was still very important in her life.

^Humans are governed by their contradictions,^ she thought.  ^I have heard Doctor Akagi say the same thing, when describing the workings of the MAGI.  Constant conflicts make humans what they are.^

Rei made it up to the Eva's foot and sat down, leaning back against it.  ^But do I want that?^ she wondered, as she felt the cold metal stealing her body warmth.  It eerily reminded her of the cold feeling she'd had just after winning against the MP Eva that day.

^Do I want to follow a human's life path?  For the entirety of my existence, I have had very few doubts about anything I ever did.  If I did anything, it was necessary.  If I felt anything, it was extraneous and should be ignored.  But life is so difficult, now.  I am finding the exploration of my emotions to be very informative.^

She briefly remembered the warm, contented sensation she'd felt, for just a moment, as she'd caressed Shinji's cheek.  She closed her eyes, almost able to feel his cheek under her hand.  ^And these emotions are...pleasing, as well.^

But the feeling was dull, as though she were feeling his cheek through a glove now, instead of her bare hand.  The feeling of contentment was also dimmed, slowly becoming replaced by apathy.

Then, with a suddenness that shocked even her, she recalled another memory: of sharp contact, and brief pain, as her palm struck Shinji's cheek.

^I had never become so...angered, before,^ she thought, remembering.  ^Yet Ikari-kun made me feel that way.  Just as he is making me feel these confusing emotions.  I am afraid of these changes, but at the same time I desire them.  This is yet another contradiction.  It is difficult, being human...so do I desire that?^

She again remembered the feeling of Shinji's face under her hand, from both times she'd touched it.  She clenched her left hand into a loose fist, and held it against her chest, feeling her heart beating underneath her shirt.  She shifted her weight and slid off to the right, until she was lying on her side, with her back still against the Eva's foot.  She closed her eyes, letting sleep come as she curled up again.

She was tired, now, and still unused to thinking out complex personal matters such as this.  She'd think about it later.

					*	*	*

About ten minutes later, Rei became aware that the scenery around her had changed.

For one, she was sitting down.  For another, she was sitting in her old school classroom, and wearing her old school uniform.  Currently, she was resting in her standard position: chin resting on the heel of her hand, staring disinterestedly out the window.

Yet, as she looked, she saw her reflection in the glass of the window.  And for once, this reflection did _not_ show what she looked like.  In the glass, her reflection was quite visibly naked, and was standing instead of sitting, with its arms hanging loosely by its sides.

"Who is this?" came a voice from behind her.

Rei turned to face the speaker.  She blinked as she saw a young girl - no more than five years old - standing there, not far from her.  A young girl, with blue hair.  And red eyes.

"This is me," Rei replied, remembering the last time she'd pondered her existence.

"And me as well," the girl replied.  As she said this, she blinked.  When she opened her eyes again, they were glowing bright red.  It only lasted a moment, however; even as Rei watched, the glow died off.  The little girl smirked, as the glow vanished.

"You...you are the Dummy plug?" Rei asked, taken aback.

"To an extent," the other girl said, climbing up to a desk and sitting down on its edge.  "I am still you.  I am the you that follows orders without question.  That does what she is told, no matter what the consequences.  That is the nature of the Dummy, is it not?"

Rei nodded, slowly.  She opened her mouth to say something when she felt a cold breeze enter the room, caressing her bare legs and arms, making her shiver.  She turned around, seeing that the windows were still tightly closed.

But in turning around, Rei noticed something else: that her reflection had detached itself from the window.  It had gained no substance in moving this way, however.  As such, a translucent, nude copy of herself stood in front of her, staring at her dispassionately.  It seemed to emanate cold, slowly chilling the air around it like a deep winter freeze.

"I am you, as well," the reflection said.  Its voice echoed, as though being heard from a long way off, at the end of a tunnel.

"What are you?" Rei asked, confused.

The reflection said nothing, but closed its eyes.  Moments after it had done so, its back expanded, growing outwards and forming into a six pairs of wings, just as ethereal as the rest of the reflection.  The ghost-girl opened her eyes again.

"I see..." Rei said.  "You are an Angel."

"As you were," the reflection said, its voice as cold as its body.  "And as you are becoming.  I have gained in strength recently."

Rei tried to control herself, but felt fear slowly crawling up her gut, nevertheless.  The reflection gave no outward reaction, but spoke again:

"You fear me, just as the humans do," it said.  "I am unable to feel this fear."

"Or other emotions," Rei completed for it.  "You are what supresses my feelings."

"I am also what protects you.  A human would be unable to control an Eva, or use an AT field."

"Yet you are stealing my life," Rei replied, her brow furrowing.

"You need me, nonetheless," the reflection said, as unemotional as ever.  "You need my strength to fight your battles.  And in battle, feeling nothing is preferable to feeling regret."

"You need me, as well," the young girl-slash-Dummy plug added in, breaking her silence.  "I am the part of you which you do not wish to relinquish."

Rei turned to face the girl.  "I do not understand."

The other girl smirked, again.  "You do not want to live without a Commander," she said.  "You wish to have someone tell you what to do."

Rei remained silent, knowing that there was nothing she could say to that statement, other than quiet agreement.

"You wish to live only for battle," the girl said.  "You fear living beyond Eva."

"No," Rei said, in response.  "There is...more I would have in my life."

The girl's eyes glowed again.  "Perhaps.  _You_ at least have the choice.  My life will never be anything but battle.  And yet..."

The girl trailed off.  Rei controlled herself, waiting for the girl to finish her sentence.

"Yet I believe that I am achieving something preferable," the young girl began again.  She tilted her head, thoughtfully.  "I feel that I am beginning to enjoy this sensation of combat."

"You enjoy it?" Rei asked, blinking.

"I believe so," the girl said, turning to look at Rei again.  "The feel of the knife in my hand, and...to a much greater extent, the feel of my opponent's blood splashing on me...was pleasurable."

This being Rei's mind, her shock was easily read on her face.  She tried to reach out, to make the dream end.

"You fear admitting it to yourself," the girl said.  "That some small part of you enjoys this.  That is why you cannot abandon Eva.  It is your addiction."

"And it is why you wish to reject your humanity," the reflection added.  "You are unable to turn your back on this power.  Though you hate it, you love it as well."

Rei drew back.  "No.  I cannot believe that."

The dream abruptly began to end.  The colors shifted and faded away, going to the blackness and oblivion Rei usually slept with.  But just before it ended, the girl's soft voice, as well as the reflection's echoing voice, rang out as one:

"You will, Rei Ayanami."

* * *

In her sleep, Rei rolled over, her brow furrowing as she moaned.  Shivering, she hugged herself for warmth, as she waited for the night to end.

----------------------------------------------------------------------
Started: May 29, 2001
Version 1 Ended: June 15, 2001
Version 2 Ended: July 15, 2001

Send comments to: otakusadist@hotmail.com
And visit my site: http://www.angelfire.com/anime2/shinjirei

As always, thank you, prereaders: Avatar of Dragonia, Heavyarms Kai, and Judging Eagle.  A special thanks goes to Avatar, for having given me the ideas for several of the scenes in this chapter.