Disclaimer: Kiyone is property of Pioneer, and the other anime characters used are properties of other companies which I didn't really try to find the names of. As always, the divine warrior Ronin is my own creation, and anyone caught using him without permission shall be roasted by the mighty Phoenix Flare Attack. Enjoy.

MST of "Picture Perfect"

(Opens in Ronin's lair. Ronin sits on straw mat, meditating quietly. He raises a hand and turns on the TV. One eye opens to see what is going on. He cries out in disgust)
Ronin: No, please god no...it's...a LEMON!
(Ronin raises his arms high in the air)
Ronin: Anime allies, I need your help! Kiyone, Kain, Lina, COME! (no pun intended)
(The anime allies appear)
Kiyone: We heard your call. You sounded desperate.
Ronin: Indeed. Look at that.
Lina: (looks) Agh! Dammit, Ronin!
Kain: This is most disagreeable, swordsman.
Ronin: Oh, just shut up and help me.

"As always I make no claim to the characters in this story..." Knock at the door. Author gets up and answers it, "Hello?" Aeaka bursts into the room and points a sword at him. "Hold it right there! I am sick of you finding ways for Ryoko to get Tenchi. Plus you keep mispelling my name. It's Aeaka, not Ayeaka moron.

Ronin: I thought it was A-y-e-k-a.
Kiyone: No, no, it was A-e-k-a.
Lina: You're both wrong. It's p-r-i-s-s-y-b-i-t-c-h

So far I've had to marry Yosho, Marry Yosho AND Washu, been driven mad, and just plain been forced to give up. I am sick of it."

Kain: And I am sick of stupid lemons.
Lina: She had to marry Yosho? Puke-o-rama!
Kiyone: It was probably the young Yosho.
Ronin: Regardless, the author must really not like Ayeka.
Kiyone: Damn it, I still think it's A-e-k-a!

Author sighs and looks at her, "Sorry, but it's what the public wants.

Ronin: Hmm...I think the Ayeka Fan Club would disagree...As well as countless other otaku.
Kiyone: Heh, this guy's pretty sure of himself.
Lina: Most assholes are.

Ever since you laughed at Ryoko when she told you about watching Tenchi from the cave." Aeaka growls and presses the sword to the author's throat, "I don't care. I don't know how you and those other writers keep altering our reality but from here on out I get Tenchi, got it?" Author smiles and Aeaka finds herself strapped to a chair with her mouth gagged.

Lina: (smirks) Well, someone's a little hentai.

The author also takes a quick polaroid and mails it to Ryoko. "Now princess, you will sit back and enjoy the story or next time I'll either marry you off to Nobiyuki or Serio." Aeaka's eyes go wide with fear and she mummbles through the gag. "Hey, I don't even know why you are bothering me. I wasn't the one who wrote the stories where you end up with Ryoko or the other girls. And to answer your earlier question Washu reads the stories in the TMFFA archive and makes them real with her dimension tuner. What did you think she did in there all day?"

Lina: (As Warren) She wath mathturbating!

So as Aeka screams into the gag and the author finishes this lame bit and telling people that he doesn't own the characters, lets begin the heartfelt story. "Ok it's a lemon, but it's still hearfelt."

(Ronin's crew laughs uncontrollably)
Ronin: A heartfelt lemon? BAAAHAHAHAHA!!!!! Since when does a lemon have depth not related to the uterus?
Kain: (stops laughing) Well, there was Aikan Muyo.
Lina: And Fukanzen.
(Ronin quiets down)
Kiyone: Well, Ronin, they've got you there.

Ayeaka screams again as the room fades to black. "Stay tuned after the story for warnings about content and my appologies for yet another story with Mihoshi and Kyonei having sex. I may do Ryoko and Tenchi, but I'm not sure yet. If the story gets a little off topic, please bear with me.

Ronin: (Raises eyebrow) Kiyone? Is there something you want to tell me?
Kiyone: (Face turns red) That son of a bitch author...I'm going to kill him.

Picture Perfect By, Clayton Overstreet Tenchi and the others sat in the living room watching t.v. when Nobiyuki came rushing in from his dark room. "They're done. They're finaly finished!" Everyone looked at him. "What's done Dad?" Tenchi asked.

Ronin: (as Nobuyuki) I tied up all the lemon writers in the world and burned them to death!

(All wave flags and cheer)

Nobiyuki smiles and slammed a stack of books onto the table. "I made the pefect family photo albums. And I have one for each of you!" He passed out the albums to the eager group. Tenchi took his and glanced at the clock, "I'll look at them later dad, I have to get to the carrot patch."

Lina: No, Tenchi, don't do it!
Ronin: What's wrong?
Lina: Bad things happen there. I've seen at least half a dozen pukefests that take place in the garden. Remember the old story, 'At the Carrot Patch'?
Ronin: (Eyes widen) NO, TENCHI, DON"T GO!!!

Tenchi went to his room and set his down on his dresser while he got dressed. Meanwhile the others ran off to their own rooms, mostly to see what pictures of Tenchi they had. They didn't even notice when Tenchi left. Sasami and Ryo-oki sat in the kitchen flipping through the photo album. They laughed at pictures of Ryoko and Ayeaka fighting. Nobiyuki had managed to get them right before they fell into the lake. Flipping through the pages she saw pictures of Mihoshi and Kyonei together. She couldn't help but notice that Nobiyuki had taken one from behind a bush. It showed the galaxy police officers enjoying and picnic together and smiling happily... kind of like how her sister and Ryoko smiled at Tenchi.

Ronin: (appearing uneasy) Kiyone...what's going on?
Kiyone: Something tells me I don't want to stay and find out.

"Myah," Ryo-oki said and pointed to a picture of Tenchi as a little boy playing outside the cave. "Yeah, he was pretty cute back then." Sasami said. Ryo-oki nodded. In the picture Tenchi was staring at the rock by the cave. Sasami looked closer and almost thought she could see...RIIIIIIINGGGG!

Ronin: Dear god no! Not a riiiiiingggg!

They both jumped and looked towards the stove where the egg time had gone off. "Oh, lunch is ready!" She and Ryo-oki sat their album on the counter and left to prepare the dining room. Kyonei and Mihoshi sat up in their attic room staring at the picture of them on their picnic. "How did Nobiyuki get this?" Kyonei yelled. Mihoshi shrugged and smiled pleasantly, "Well atleast he didn't get any pictures of how we ended that picninc." Kyonei's eyes widdend.

Ronin: And apparently, they're widening again here.
Kain: (disgusted) You mortals and your 'picnics'.

And she looked at Mihoshi, "What if he did and just didn't put them in the album?" Mihoshi thought about it and shrugged. "Well then I guess he knows then and isn't going to tell anyone." She smiled and gave Kyonei a kiss on the cheek, "Besides, what have we got to be embarrassed about?" Kyonei blushed and shrugged, "I'm sorry Mihoshi."

Kiyone: I don't like the turn this story has taken.
Ronin: Heehee...I kinda do.
(Kiyone whacks Ronin. The swordsman goes flying)

Mihoshi smiled and hugged her, "It's ok Kyonei." Kyonei smiled and hugged back. "Still I think we should relieve mister Misaki of any other pictures he may have." Mihoshi grinned and nodded, "Sure." They walked down stairs and worked their way towards Nobiyuki's room. Ayeaka sat in her room. She had come up with the perfect plan to get Tenchi to finaly notice her. Since Nobiyuki seemed to have set it up so that each of the girls had their own page, she went through her photo album and removed all the pictures of Ryoko. Laughing maniacly she then snuck into Tenchi's room and switched her's for his. When he got back he'd be so pleased that she had taken out the picures of that horrible monster and let her own beutiful face for him to look at. She was sure that when he saw her face staring out at him he'd fall totaly in love with her. "Ha, that'll show Ryoko!" Ryoko smiled and lay back looking at the pictures. She had been looking at the ones of Tenchi as a little boy for a long time. She remembered those days well. That was when she had first started to love him.

Lina: (chanting) Ryoko's a pedophile, Ryoko's a pedophile!

She had played with him by the cave all his life, until he couldn't see her any more. His favorite game had been to defete the dragon, fight his way into the castle, and kiss the princess awake. A tear fell from her cheek when she remembered the day his mother had died. He had come to the shrine to see her, to tell her what was wrong, but he couldn't see her any more.

Ronin: Wait a sec. According to the storyline, Tenchi never even met Ryoko until he was in his late teens.
Kain: Bear in mind, Ronin, this is a lemon. Sense and reason have no place here.

Ryoko had tried to comphort him but without him seeing her there was nothing she could do. "Ryoko, lunch is ready!" Ryoko shook her head and looked down from her place in the rafters. She sighed and set the album aside, then wiped her cheeks dry. "Ok Sasami I'll be right down." "Washu, lunch time!" Washu heard Sasami's call from behind. She had been monitoring the other's reactions to the pictures. It had been interesting but she had not had a chance to look at them herself yet. She turned and called back to Sasami, "I'm kinda buisy Sasami. I'll get something at dinner ok?" Sasami sighed and closed the door. Washu picked up her album and was about to look at it when she saw Sasami on one of the monitors. She had caught Kyonei and Mihoshi just outside of Nobiyuki's room and had dragged them off to lunch. Washu chuckled and turned to the pictures. She was amazed at some of the shots that Nobiyuki had managed. He'd even gotten things that Washu's own sensores had missed. When she got to the part with Tenchi as a child she stopped and stared. In all the pictures of him with his mother at the shrine, he was staring at something. Washu slid one of the pictures under her light wave augmentor and went through three different settings before she saw what he was staring at. Ryoko was laying on he back, pretending to sleep while Tenchi leaned down to kiss her. Washu's jaw dropped. Her daughter had apparently known Tenchi for quite some time. Why had he forgotten her? She immediately turned back to her computer to do some quick calculations.

Ronin: Oh, good. At least the author makes an attempt to cover his own plot holes.

At lunch everyone kept talking about the albums. Nobiyuki basked in their thanks and appreciation. Ryoko smiled and said, "Nobiyuki despite everything else, you are realy good with that cammera." Mihoshi and Kyonei blushed. Kyonei looked at Nobiyuki and said, "Yes, me and Mihoshi want to talk to you about some of those later." Ayeaka smiled and said, "Yes, I must agree. There was only one flaw in mine. Somehow your cammera managed not to break when you took Ryoko's picture." Ryoko growled and looked at her with glowing red eyes. Sasami beat her to it though, "Now sister that was mean. Now appologize to Ryoko this instant." Ayeaka stuck up her nose and looked away, "I'll do no such thing." Ryoko got up from he table and flew out of the room. Sasami felt bad that her sister had insulted Ryoko again, but she would have felt worse if she had noticed the tears that fell on the floor in her passing. Tenchi arrived home at about sunset. He was a bit suprised that Ryoko hadn't latched onto him at the door, but was a bit relieved. He made it to his room and lay down on his bed. After a minute he remembered his album and reached to pick it up off the dresser. He leafed through it and smiled at the different pictures. He'd almost forgotten the games he used to play by the cave with his imaginary people. He reached the end of the book and noticed something odd. There had not been one picture of Ryoko. He flipped through again. There was Mihoshi, Kyonei, Sasami, Ryo-oki, his dad, grandpa, and most especialy Ayeaka. But not a one of Ryoko. Looking closer he noticed a partialy torn page. Sighing he shook his head, "Ayeaka." He got up and walked out to the living room. Maybe someone else would have the other pictures. As he came down the stairs Washu's door opened and the red haired scientist peeked out. Tenchi smiled and said, "Hey Washu, my album seems to have gotten damaged. Can I take a look at your's?" Washu smiled and nodded, then her face turned deadly serious. "Actualy Tenchi, there was something in it that I think you should see."

Ronin: (as Washu) A naked self-taken picture of Nobuyuki is in this one!
Lina: EEW! Sick, Ronin!

She grabbed Tenchi by his shirt and pulled him into the lab. Ayeaka sat back and smiled at the picture in her hand. She was sure she had head Tenchi say her name earlier and she took that as a good sign. Turning the page she looked at Tenchi playing by the cave. The thoughts of the time Ryoko had claimed to have been there when Tenchi was young. She looked and saw Tenchi bent down over air, with his lips puckered. She grinned and imagined herself beneith him. She blinked slightly,her inner eyelids briefly flashing over her eyes.

Kain: Ayeka has two sets of eyelids? That is most disturbing.
Ronin: Two sets, huh? Whaddaya know? Ayeka's a beaver.
Kiyone: (shocked) Not cool, Nathan!
Ronin: (blinking) What?
Lina: Think about what you just called Ayeka.
Ronin: What? I said she's a beav--oh geez. My bad.

In that moment, she gasped and dropped the album. She could have sworn she had seen Ryoko there. Shaking her head she picked it back up and looked again, closing her inner lids. There was Ryoko. Tenchi's lips seemed to be inside her's like she was a hologram or something. Ayeaka quickly flipped the pages. In each of the pictures by the cave was Ryoko. Standing on a rock, dancing with Tenchi, all of them. "No, it...it's a trick!" Ayeaka was virtualy paniking. Trick or not if Tenchi saw Ryoko in those pictures Ayeaka's chances with him would be ruined. Ayeaka ran out of her room and straight to Tenchi's. She knocked quietly on hi his door and when he didn't answer she snuck in. She saw the album laying next to his bed. She knew that Fnaho and Yoshi, being mostly human didn't have the inner eyelids like Juraians, and so might not have seen Ryoko in the pictures.

Ronin: Yoshi? Since when are the Mario Brothers involved in this?
Kiyone: How do you see hidden things with eyelids?
(Kain shrugs)

 But the pictures themselves might stir up things Ayeaka felt were best forgotten... even if it was just a trick. It had to be. She quickly ripped out the pages with the shrine on then and ran back to her room. Now she wouldn't have to worry about it unless... "Sasami!" Mihoshi and Kyonei looked through Nobiyuki's closet for any sign of the pictures. They had found porn magazine upon porn magazine, but they just couldn't couldn't find the damn pictures. Suddenly from the doorway a voice came to them, "Looking for these?" Nobiyuki stood there holding up some negatves and another photoalbum. He opened it and it showed Mihoshi and Kyonei on their picnic blanket kissing and pawing eachother.Kyonei blushed and grabbed them away from him, "Tell anyone about this and I'll launchi you out of Yukanojo's airlock."

Kiyone: Tell him, sister!

Nobiyuki laughed and both girls ran past him and back to their room. Kyonei sat down on her bed and sighed with relief. Mihoshi lay on her own bed and turned towards the wall. After afew minutes Kyonei heard a small wimper come from Mihoshi's bed. "Mihoshi, are you alright?" She walked over and put her hand on Mihoshi's shoulder. Mihoshi looked at Kyonei's hand for a minute and then pulled away, red eyed with tears down he cheeks. "What's wrong Mihoshi?" Kyonei asked. Mihoshi rolled over and looked at her, "You don't love me."

Kain: I knew it. Pay up, Inverse.
Lina: Damn...(hands over a twenty)
Kiyone: Guys! This is just a lemon! It's not real!
Kain: Of course not. (faking a cough) carpet muncher.
Kiyone: Screw you.
Kain:  I don't think you'd want to.  I don't have nice, perky breasts like Mihoshi.
(Kiyone's hand inches towards her blaster)

Kyonei bit her lip and blushed, "Yes I do Mihoshi, you know that." Mihoshi looked away again, "Then you are embarrased and I'm not sure that is'nt worse." Kyonei shook her head in disbelief, "Mihoshi, what do you..." Mihoshi interupted her, "I think it's pretty clear what I mean." Mihoshi sit up and looked directly into Kyonei's eyes, "I love you Kyonei. I want to be with you more than anything else in this world. But not if that's not what you want." Mihoshi sobbed again and looked down. Kyonei too began to cry, "I love you too Mihoshi. I just..." Mihoshi reached up and put a hand on Kyonei's cheek. "You what Kyonei?" Kyonei held Mihoshi's hand tight to her, "I never loved anyone before and I never thought it would happen with another girl. Do you know what my parent's were like Mihoshi?" Mihoshi shook her head and waited for Kyonei to continue. "They tried to arrange marriages for me, pushing me at one boy after another. Telling me to give them a grandson so they could pass the company onto him. On the world I come from men are in charge. That's why I ran away and joined the GP. I just had to get out of there and show them I was as good as they were..."

Ronin: Kiyone, what is this? What about us?
Kiyone: It's a lemon, for god's sake!
Lina: Suuuure...
Kiyone: (growls menacingly)

Mihoshi pulled Kyonei into her lap and hugged her close. Petting Kyonei's hair she said, "Kyonei, you are way better than they are. You have nothing to prove to anyone Kyonei." Kyonei looked up at her and smiled, "You realy think so?" Mihoshi nodded. Kyonei leaned forward slowly and kissed Mihoshi. Mihoshi kissed back, playing with Kyonei's tongue. When they broke apart they were both smiling. "Kyonei, I'm sorry. I won't forse you to tell..." Kyonei put a finger on Mihoshi's lips. "No Mihoshi, you were right. I need to get over this or we'll never be happy." Mihoshi smiled and hugged her. "You know Kyonei, those pictures Nobiyuki took have given me an idea." Kyonei looked up and saw Mihoshi's eyes sparkle. "Think we have time for some fun before dinner?" Kyonei nodded and reached under Mihoshi's shirt and unhooked her bra. It came off remarkably easily. Mihoshi smiled and tried to give Kyonei the same treatment only to find that she wasn't wearing one.

Ronin: Hey, you always wear a bra, ever since we were kicked out of that diner for--
Kiyone: (putting Ronin in a headlock) Agh! Shut up!
(Lina snickers)

Kyonei giggled at Mihoshi's suprised expression. "Oh you think it's funny huh?" Kyonei nodded and jumped away, "What do you think you can do about it Miz Mihoshi." Mihoshi grinned and started towards her, "I'm afraid that First Class detective Kyonei may need some disipline." Kyonei raised her head, "Why Mihoshi I had no idea you were into S&M."

Kain: Pardon me, but what is S&M?
(Lina whispers to Kain)
Kain: (horrified, then disgusted look) You humans are such vile creatures! I'm leaving now!
Ronin: Oh, no you don't.
(Ronin fires energy blast. Kain is KO'd. Kain wakes up later, tied up)
Ronin: Don't worry. We paused it for you.
Kain: Damn you! How can you be so cruel-and how did you tie me up?
Ronin: Artistic license. Ok, on with the show.

Mihoshi looked at her confused and then threw a pillow at Kyonei's head, "You're worse than Nobiyuki!" Kyonei ducked the pillow and turned back to Mihoshi, only to get another pillow in the face. Kyonei gasped and smiled, grabbing her own pillow. "So it's a fight you want huh?" Mihoshi grinned and said, "Yeah! And I'll kick your butt!" They both began hitting eachother and laughing histricaly.

Ronin: (singing) I ache for the touch of your...lips, dear...
Lina: (continuing) But much more for the touch of your...whips, dear...
Kain: (continuing) You can raise welts like nobody else...
All three: As we dance to the Masochism Tango!
(Kiyone covers ears, eyes screwed tightly closed)

Kyonei accidentaly ripped Mihoshi's shirt. Mihoshi bit her lip and grinned, "Ok, if that's the way you want to play it." Kyonei's eyes widdend, "What? Wait, no!" Then she burst out laughing as Mihoshi ripped her shirt off. Kyonei growled and tore Mihoshi's the rest of the way off. Then did the same to her pants. By the end of it they both lay naked and covered in feathers.

Ronin: Dear god! It's the Bird Women from Outer Space!
Kiyone: Oh, shut up. The feathers are from the pillows.
Lina: (nudges Kiyone) Well, you would know, sweet cheeks.
(Ronin laughs, and receives another whack)

Mihoshi crawled over and kissed Kyonei again, leaning her back. Kyonei moaned. Then she began kissing her way down Mihoshi's neck. Mihoshi put her head back and gasped when Kyonei nipped on her collar bone. "Ooo, that felt good Kyonei, do it again!" Kyonei continued (At this point the author wishes to appologize for this. I guarentee the story will not end with the sex, this just kind of happened.) to kiss Mihoshi's neck. Mihoshi reached down and began squeazing Kyonei's breast and working the nipple between her fingers.

Lina:  (as aerobics instructor)  Ok, people, now work that nipple!  And one!  And two!

Kyonei gasped and pressed against Mihoshi. Looking up she kissed Mihoshi on the mouth and began rubbing her vagina against Mihoshi's. They both moaned and shivered. Suddenly they broke apart and moaned as they both reached their climax. Kyonei and Mihoshi broke separated but kept kissing eachother. Finaly they both looked into the other's eyes and said, "I love you." (The author thanks you for hanging around. Then again if you weren't looking for a good lemon you wouldn't have found this anyway. Atleast I managed an actual story right?)

Ronin: Good lemon...riiiight.
Kiyone: Actual story...riiiight.

Down in Washu's lab Tenchi stared in amazement. Under Washu's lighting he could see himself as a young boy... and Ryoko.

Kain: He saw himself as Ryoko? How bizarre.

"Washu, what does this mean? How could Ryoko have been there when I was little? She was still locked up in the cave." Washu smiled, "I did a study of Yosho's containment facility. It is a brilliant piece of work, but it did neglect to take one of Ryoko's abilities into account. Astral projection." Tenchi frowned, "You mean like leaving your body and stuff?" Washu nodded, "Yes, exactly. I also believe that Ryoko spending so much time watching you in her astral form was what allowed her body to dehydrate to the point at which you saw in the cave."

Kiyone: Uh, Nathan?
Ronin: Yes, honey lamb?
Kiyone: Two things: first, don't call me that again, and second-I gotta go.
Ronin: Eh?
Kiyone: You know. I have to...go.
Ronin: What are you talking about?
Lina: She has to piss, you moron.
Kiyone: Lina! You don't have to say it like that!
Lina: What? This MST is shameless enough as it is.
Ronin: Well, go ahead. We'll pause it for you.
Kiyone: (sweatdrops) uh...you really don't have to do that on my account. I'll be back soon.
Ronin: Oh, Kiyone, we wouldn't dream of inhibiting your viewing pleasure.
Kain: And if Lina and I have to suffer through this, so shall you, mortal.
Ronin: (turns to camera) Well, I guess we'll take a breather here. Get up, stretch, grab a snack, scratch your extremities, and join us in Part II of this tasteful little MST!

TO BE CONTINUED.

On to Part II