You are just like me. Did you know that?

You and I are practically the same person. There are a few differences here and there. Mainly, you're white and I'm black.

We are front and back of the same coin. You are the front, I am the back. Why? Because you are the one that touches the world, that is considered lucky. You are the one that the rest of the world sees and recognizes. I am the back, the one hidden in shadow and darkness.

Why are we this way? Why is a penny that way? Do the sides have any choice as to what they'll be? Do they get to pick whether they'll be considered good luck or bad?


Just like I didn't have a choice. You...You had that choice. You were given the decision to step away from society and become what you are, and you dare angst about it? You're filth, you know that? You took this willingly and now you dare to act out the part of the tragedy's hero? Ch'...I never received the chance you had for a normal life. I never had the chance to turn my back on that offer like you did. Do you see me moping about and crying over that?

I hate you.

I hate you because you're so much like me.

I hate you because you had what I never could.

When the night falls
I will wait for you
I want to drive you crazy tonight
With the full moon
I will wait for you
Today you will die in my arms
Never will you dream of me the same

At the same time, how can I hate you? You're standing there before me, stretched out like a sacrifice. At any other time you would have sensual charm radiating from your pores. Your heavy lidded eyes would be glinting and offering promises of dark pleasures to those around you. Now those eyes are wary, guarded. Wary because I am here.

You hate me, don't you? I know you do.

You hate me for everything that I stand for, for the darkness that stains my entire being. You hate me for what I do and how I think and how I talk. You hate me for being me. You hate me because somewhere inside you know that I am so much like you.

You're afraid of me, aren't you? You should be.

You're afraid of me because I do what I do without remorse. I do it without reasons, sometimes. I work on whim, going with the flow of the moment and making risky choices. I don't look back and I don't care how much I hurt those around me by my decisions. I have no conscience. You're afraid of becoming me.

My fingers tighten on your wrists. Those holds are the only reason you're not fighting me. You know that one move from me will snap the bones buried deep within the flesh of your joints. You can feel the warning strain throughout your arms and you have accepted this face off. You don't know what I want with you. You've asked multiple times but I've let the question go unanswered. You've finally realized that I'm not in the mood to talk, so we are both quiet. Your thoughts are laced with caution and uneasiness. I'm ignoring them, blocking them out so I don't have to hear them.

I haven't answered you because not even I'm sure why I'm here.

Until I figure that out, I will continue to gaze at you and contemplate.

Let me dive in
To pools of sin
Wet black leather on my skin
Show me the floor
Lay down the law
I need to taste you more

You are so full of life, are you not? We have not clashed many times, but all I needed was once to find out all there is to know about you. You are into the pleasures and sins of life. Why? You hate and resent the fact that your hands are constantly stained with another man's blood. Why then do you indulge yourself in the affairs of the underworld? Why do you give yourself to others so freely?

Why indeed?

The answer is simple. You've tasted sin and darkness and you like how it feels. You cannot deny that. That is one reason you hate me. You and I hold our strongest likeness there. You and I both reach towards the shadows when seeking entertainment and pleasure. Sometimes our knuckles scrape against each other in our search to find something for ourselves.

Do you honestly think that you can bathe and wallow in darkness at night and then return to the light of day when the sun rises?

What a foolish man you are...Why do you bother to trick yourself? Accept it. I accepted it long ago.

What is it inside of you that makes you think you can survive? This question has kept me up several nights, leaving me with my mind wrapped around thoughts of you. You have become my newest obsession, inescapable and addicting. I have watched you for weeks, watched the way you move and act, watched the way you kill, the way you dance. I have watched you and wondered.

I have wondered about many things. First and foremost...Do you represent the person I could have been?

It is not like me to look towards the past. That is something we cannot change. Your presence altered that, however, and now my thoughts are drawn more and more towards the years long gone. Understanding you will help me understand myself. I lost myself long ago in the invading thoughts of the world that crash around me.

Perhaps you are my key to finding myself again.

Then I feel your sea
Raining down on me
Can this be my once in a lifetime
Hell's at heaven's door
As I need you more
You know you're my once in a lifetime

My eyes swallow yours in a gaze too intent for you to look away. I want to know everything about you, my white reflection, everything that your mind cannot tell me. I want to know what only the senses can tell. I lean in and you tense, expecting a blow. No, no blows yet. Instead I slide my cheek along yours. Your skin is silky soft to the touch and cold from the night breeze. I inhale deeply, taking in the smell of your hair. It smells of vanilla. I have not smelled vanilla in a long time. It suits you, I suppose. It is white, but it has too much of a sensual thrum in its scent to be pure.

Confusion sparks through your thoughts at my behavior. I tilt my head back and offer you only a smirk. Your lips twitch into a frown. Your cheek is stained with the beginnings of a bruise from where you made contact with the wall when I first nabbed you. I release one wrist, pressing down tighter with my fingers on the other until you wince. I am warning you silently. I may have freed one of your hands, but if you make a wrong move I will not hesitate to snap your wrist. Your neck will follow.

I reach up, brushing my fingers along your bruise. You hiss at me, something along the lines of a demand as to what I'm doing. I pressed harder and you grit your teeth against the pain, glaring at me in anger and hatred.

I am given a choice, probably the first real choice I've ever been offered. It is also probably the last real choice I'll ever get. I can use you to look into myself, to try and find what it is I've lost. I can swallow you whole, search you from the inside out, use you as a code to decipher the lock that is scrawled across my mind and body.

I can be like you: I can run in circles, searching for a light, for a way out.

I do not believe in the same things you do. I do not believe in redemption. I do not believe that there is a light at the end of the tunnel. I do not believe that sunrise yields a promising day. I do not believe all stories have a happy ending.

I want to take what is inside of you, what is there that makes you believe in these things, and rip it out.

You kill, but you hold the illusion that you cannot be hurt. Wounded, yes, but what about shattered? How would you react if I took the world as you know it and flipped it upside down? What would happen to you if I were to tear all of your hopes up? I will take the darkness that you seek at night and make it swallow you whole.

I want to break you.

All your body will tremble
But this time it will be real
Though time passes by
Never will you forget me
It will be
Only once in your lifetime

I crush myself against you suddenly, pressing you harder against the brick wall at your back. You grunt and start to retaliate, to push back, but stop when icy pain stabs upwards from your pinned joint. It is an effective way to restrain you. I press my other hand to your throat, stroking the skin there with my fingers. Your eyes glare at me and you snarl out a question that I don't pay any attention to. I have questions of my own. I've always had questions. I don't often receive the answers, though...I usually grow bored waiting for them. But you? Ah, I don't think I could ever be bored of you.

Who do you think you are?

Who do you wish to become?

Your hopes for the future...Forget them. They are useless.

Your nightmares...Why do you have nightmares? Your _life_ is a nightmare.

I am your nightmare incarnate. I am your reflection. Somewhere in you is me. Somewhere in me is you. I am your greatest fear and your greatest downfall, and you are mine. Can you see that? Can you see that burning in my eyes? Can you see this hatred mingled with a dark longing? Can you see that you represent everything I could have ever wanted? Can you see that I am still trying to figure out why you were the one to receive those gifts while mine were snatched away? Can you see this wistful jealousy, this almost desperate need to be accepted by the gifts you had? Do you understand that you are the only one to affect me this way?

I tangle one hand in your hair and catch your mouth in a kiss so rough it's bruising. I hear the strangled sound you make. It is one of surprise and disgust. Disgust that it is another man kissing you, disgust that it is _me_. What is wrong? It's your own reflection that is kissing you...Think of it as masturbation, you fucking white. I bite your lower lip hard enough to draw blood. Your blood tastes just like mine does...It is tangy almost to the point that it can make me nauseous. It is warm and salty. I suck at the cut, biting down harder when you try to twist your head away.

I release your wrist and strike you at the same time, hitting your forehead with the heel of my palm hard enough to send the back of your skull cracking into the brick wall at your back. In the moment when your vision flashes before your eyes, I grab your throat and use the grip to throw you towards the ground. You grunt in pain as you hit it, trying to use your hands to break the fall. I am straddling you in a instant, sitting across your lap and soaking in the vibrant emotions that taint your thoughts. Fear, ah yes, you are definitely fearing me now. You wonder about my sanity.

Is my sanity any less intact than yours?

Your hands are free and you struggle with me, but I am stronger. I push you roughly against the ground, pinning you there, and lean forward. I grab your mouth again and force your lips apart. You bite me and I feel my own blood flood our mouths as you break the skin. Pain sparks up within me but I almost do not notice it. Your blood...My blood...Our blood. We are one, just like I told you we are. I free one of your hands to grab your throat, digging my fingers in mercilessly. You gasp, an instinctive reaction, and my tongue is freed. You are left gagging and choking on the blood you accidentally inhaled. I give you no time to recover before I claw at your shirt, biting your mouth again before dipping to bite your throat. I want to mark your skin permanently like those others did, those that carved nails into your arm.

You shove at me fiercely with your free hand. I feel flesh give beneath my teeth before I catch myself with my hands. The ground bites into my palms and you are on me in an instant, fists driving into my stomach and making contact with my face.

When you take me
And make me cry
Then I feel you satisfy
Show me the cage
It's all the rage
And lock it up

It does not take me long to retaliate. We struggle, you on top of me, clawing at each other with the intent to hurt. You want me dead. I want you broken. We each want it so the other will stop haunting us. I am what you try to hide. You are what I could have been. Over and over these concepts weave through my mind. I cannot let them go. It's like trying to pry candy from a small child who has never had sweets before...It's that impossible struggle to get the small fist open to relinquish the prize.

You are my prize. I will chew you up and spit you out.

I tangle my legs around yours and shove hard against your abdomen. It is enough to send you to a side, then to your back, and I am able to straddle you once more. Our faces trickle blood from where our nails have gouged each other. Dirt and grime from the ground are smeared in our hair, and our clothes are ripped from the struggle. I find one of those gashes and slip a finger through, giving it a harsh tug. The sound of tearing material is loud in my ears. Is it loud in yours? You shove at my face and I bite down on one of your fingers. Our other hands are locked together, each trying to get free while keeping the other unable to use that hand. I use my free hand to grab your wrist and yank it roughly away from my face. You hiss loudly in pain and I taste fresh blood and filmy skin on my teeth from where I did not loosen my bite to get your finger out.

I lower my mouth to your bared chest, touching my lips to the skin with what might have been reverence at first, then slide my teeth along the muscled planes. You still smell of sweat and sex...I caught you on your way back from a cheap hotel. The scent floods through me, fills me. I find one of your nipples and take it into my mouth, feeling your muscles ripple under your skin as I attack it with lips and tongue first. It hardens under my fierce ministrations. Your fingers find some stray strands of my hair and yank. Stupid person...I bite down, causing you to cry out in pain.

I chew on it, tasting it, intoxicating myself with the pain it causes you. You are shuddering beneath me, struggling even though your attempts to get free make it hurt more. When I look up to examine you I can see the muscles on your arms standing out as you try to get your limbs free. Mine are showing as well, as I shove back and hold you pinned. Your eyes are squeezed shut and your mouth is open as you gasp for breath. Sweat dots your forehead. I twist the abused nub once more between the edges of my teeth before moving towards the other one. You are squirming, twisting, desperate.

I free your hands to rake my fingernails across your chest and sides. Instantly you are given leverage. Blows rain down on my head and shoulders. I ingore them. You switch to just clawing at my face with one hand while using the other to try and push yourself into a sitting position. I close my eyes and twist my face away when your fingernails come close to raking my eyes out. My hands manage to undo the button on your pants and I unzip them quickly, shoving my hands in to see what I can find.

I have never heard such foul language before. You are furious, you are scared, you are in pain. My letting your hands go gave you a false hope for escape. If I sense that you are getting too close to wiggling free, I just scatter your consciousness to give you a few seconds of dazed mind dulling. One of these is enough for me to yank your pants down to your ankles. I will have bruises later from your blows, but for once I don't care. Each thud of your fists hitting my flesh brings with it a spark of power and thirst that I cannot explain.

And then my hands close on what I'm looking for.

Found a part of me
That's a mystery
That will be just once in a lifetime
When the moon is high
Passion never dies
Will you want me for all a lifetime

My hand tightens into a fist on your manhood, into a painful grip. You make a strangled sound that might be a hoarse cry when my fingernails dig into your ultrasensitive flesh. I jerk my hand upwards, raking the skin with my nails, and your back arches with pain. I have twisted so that I am sitting on your chest, and your hands claw at my back and sides, trying to find purchase so you can pull me off. They manage to close on a handful of jacket material and you pull me off with enough force that I hit the ground hard enough to make my shoulderblades ache. A gasp is torn from my lips, the first sound I've made this evening. I start to roll over to get up but your arm wraps around my throat suddenly, chokingly tight. Your breath is ragged in my ear and you're talking, spitting curses and loathing remarks. You're trying to figure out how to kill me quickly so you can escape. Kill and run, hm?

I gasp for air and struggle to my feet, dragging you with me. You fight me, pulling back against me to try and knock me down. Your grip gives you the upper hand and I am once again thrown back against the rough concrete. I reach out as I fall and bring you down with me. Anger is flowing through me, seeking an escape, and I am merciless when you land on top of me. I latch onto your cheek with my teeth, dig my fingers into your ribcage, and bring my knee up into your unguarded nether region. Your breath escapes you in an explosive breath and you try to curl up. I waste no time in unzipping my own pants and freeing the erection that came when tasting your pain. I twist you back to the bottom and press my hands against your chest. With no further warning and no preparation, I thrust into you, burying myself to the hilt inside your depths.

You scream.

Maybe you didn't mean to, maybe you wouldn't have if you'd been able to stop yourself. Maybe if you'd known for just a second before it happened you would have been prepared enough to clamp your mouth shut and keep the scream from me.

Your scream is a knife on my ears, music to my soul. It is a twisting sound that bites through me. I am you, you are me, I will break you like they broke me. I pull out and shove in again. You are clawing at my chest, arching with pain and trying to escape me. It is hard for you to breathe; your breath comes in tight, shallow gasps. Tears have formed in the corners of your eyes, tears not of your choice.

You will cry, then? Do you still think yourself pure enough that you have the right to cry when I shatter what is left of you that is white?

I want everything that is you. I want everything that you had and you turned your back on. I want everything you managed to find and lost again. I want everything you have now, everything you have that helps you keep your grip on sanity. I want everything of you that makes you believe in happy endings. I want everything of you that makes you the tragic hero. I want it all because you don't deserve it. Neither of us deserves it.

We only deserve to hate and be hated.

Giving you my soul
Letting you control
Took away a part of my lifetime
Memories of you
Left me black and blue
Now I know you're once in a lifetime

Time has no meaning. There is just me on top of you, shattering everything you have managed to gain about yourself. Your confidence, your arrogance, that false sense of security...Tears soak your cheeks and you can hardly breathe. There is blood...There is enough blood that I can smell it. I cannot tear my eyes from your face, from that beautiful face twisted in pain. My hands have vise grips on your shoulders, holding you down. Your fingernails are raking into me and I can hear soft pleas to stop.

I ignore you, continuing to thrust into of you, tearing apart your insides and your mind.

You never knew this could hurt so much, did you?

I am ruining you, I am breaking you.

I am breaking myself.

I come inside of you and the world whites out for several seconds. When everything fades back into existence, I realize my fingers are digging into your shoulders hard enough to bruise. I remain where I am for several moments, our harsh breathing mingling. Your breaths have a catch to them from your tears. I study your face, then pull out of you.

My whole body is sore. I stagger to my feet and zip my pants. You curl into a small ball, lost in a world of pain. I take a step back, eyeing you and the blood that mixes with cum on the ground. I have burned you more deeply and more permanently than those who gave you your tattoo.

It is a hollow victory.

I feel nothing except a coldness that seeps through me, eating through my bones. I reach up to brush my hair out of my face and am surprised to see that my hands are trembling.

I look back at you once more, one last look, then turn and leave.

The image of you curled up on the ground is burned into the backs of my eyelids. I don't think I will ever forget it. Harsh bitterness fills me.

You were my key. You were my chance. In another time and another life, you could have helped me. You could have shown me how to get away from all of this. You could have shared the things you had. In another life, I would have not been refused a chance to think myself clean.

In another life I would have asked you for help.

But I don't believe in happy endings.

You were the chance I was offered only once.

Then I feel your sea
Raining down on me
Can this be my once in a lifetime
Hell's at heaven's door
As I need you more
You know you're my once in a lifetime

Found a part of me
That's a mystery
That will be just once in a lifetime
When the moon is high
Passion never dies
Will you want me for all a lifetime

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