NOTE: This story is a crossover between "Weird Anime Excel Saga" and "Adult Game Beatangel Escalayer". It would help if you were familiar with at least one of these series before reading this. WARNING: This story, while not a lemon and containing no explicit descriptions of sexual activity, does contain scenes where you are explicitly told that sexual activity is, has, will, won't, someone wishes would, many wish wouldn't, or otherwise might occur. Hark and beware! Bwahahahahaha! ===== The young woman skipped down the path towards the street. She was smiling so happily that she could not help spreading cheer to those around her, even as her wildly swinging bookbag spread pain and suffering among those it impacted. Finally, unable to contain her exuberance any further, she cried out, "A-KU-RA-SU!" Hop, skip, bash. "A-KU-RAA-SU!" Skip, leap, trample, smash. "A-KUU-RAA-SU!" Suddenly, a bright flash of light caught her attention. "A-KUUU-RAAAA-" Excel was going to be late for her appointment today. * *+* * #play opening_credits("Overbeat",BeatAngelEscalayer) QUACK EXPERIMENTAL FANFIC BEAT ANGEL <3 EXCELAYER by Morgan * *+* * Excel didn't even blink as the speeding truck passed only inches in front of where she had stopped. "What was that...?" she mused. Her train of thought was interrupted by angry shouts. Turning around, she saw a large group of students, many of whom were carrying sticks, rocks, signs, and other improvised weapons. And several of them were pointing at her. "Time for Excel to retreat!" Excel shouted as she ran off down the street. * *+* * It was already dark by the time Excel got home. "They were chasing Excel for so long! Excel wasn't sure she was ever going to get away!" Excel panted. Her attention was once again caught by a flash of light. "What are all these flashes of light I'm seeing?" Excel inquired of a handy mailbox. "Did Excel eat some bad sushi? Is Excel hallucinating?" Unsurprisingly, she didn't get an answer. "I'd better check it out!" Excel ran on tiptoe over to the house, looked in the window... and was treated to an unexpected peep show. [] * *+* * "Ahhhh, this warm water's so nice," sighed Hyatt as she settled down into the bathtub. [] A few minutes later, the door opened. "Hyatt-san, may I come in?" asked someone who Excel couldn't see. "What is it?" Hyatt replied. A young girl (actually a VERY young girl) with pink hair who Excel didn't recognize came in and sat down next to the tub. "The Doki Doki Dyanamo hasn't been charging up very well. Can we try it again now?" "Somehow, it just doesn't seem right, Cossette-chan," Hyatt said. Cossette sighed. "I guess we'll just have to come up with something else." She looked up. "Maybe that girl who's peeping in the window could help us." "WHAT?" Excel shrieked as she jumped away from the window, hit her head on a downspout, and fell over unconcious. * *+* * Excel woke up on a couch inside the house, and quickly sat up. "Ah, Hyatt, sorry about earlier..." "Who are you?" Hyatt asked quietly. "Excel is Excel Excel, first name Excel, last name Excel! We're in the same class, remember?" Hyatt shook her head. "I don't think I remember you." Cossette walked in and put a plate of sandwiches down on the table. "Please let me explain." Hyatt waited calmly as Cossette exposited, while Excel grabbed both of their sandwiches. * *+* * "So, Hyatt is secretly this 'Escalayer' and you need me to help charge up this 'Doki Doki Denial' thing of hers?" "Yes. (And it's 'Dynamo',)" corrected Cossette. "An evil organization called Sailust is gaining power. Only Escalayer can stop them. But it's not possible for me to charge up the Doki Doki Dynamo effectively." "Why?" asked Excel. Cossette sighed. "Hyatt-san doesn't have a lolita complex." "WHAT?" Excel shouted as she leapt backwards. Cossette sweatdropped. "You were paying attention when I explained how the Doki Doki Dynamo is charged up, right?" "Well, those were very tasty sandwiches, and Excel hadn't eaten since noon... I guess I got a little distracted," Excel replied, scratching the back of her head nervously. "I'll explain it again, then. You need to make her feel excited." Excel blinked in total incomprehension. "... Sexually excited." "You want Excel to do those kinds of things?" Excel blushed. "But Excel has never done that sort of thing, and..." Excel noticed Hyatt looking at her and licking her lips, and trailed off, her blush growing deeper. "Yes. You should be able to do this much more effectively, since you aren't nine years old." Excel looked across the table at Hyatt. *She is very pretty... and Excel has sometimes wanted this too...* "Ah... if Hyatt wants to..." Hyatt jumped up, grabbed Excel, and half-dragged, half-carried her to the bedroom. "I'd say that's a yes," noted Cossette to the empty room. * *+* * Cossette knelt outside the bedroom door, watching through the slightly-open bedroom door with one eye while paying attention to the energy readings shown on the pda-like device she carried with the other. "This is fantastic," she murmered. "The Doki Doki Dynamo has never charged this easily before." She waited patiently as the moaning and gasping coming from the other side of the door continued. * *+* * Suddenly, the door burst open, and Cossette came in. "Excel-san, the Doki Doki Dynamo is fully charged, so you can stop now!" "WHAT? But Excel's not done yet! What is Excel supposed to do now?" "I understand," replied Cossette. "I will help you with that," she said, reaching up with one hand to unbutton her shirt. Excel jumped up and clung to the ceiling light. "No, no, no! Excel doesn't have a lolita complex either!" Cossette sighed. "I never get to have any fun..." * *+* * [?] "BU BU BU BU!!" The crowd stopped for a moment, blinked, and then decided that even if it was a really really stupid sounding monster, they would still run. "So, this is the enemy?" asked Excel. "Yes. A Fuman, one of the foot soldiers of SAIlust," Hyatt replied. "Do they all make the same stupid noises?" "... Yes." "Wow, no wonder it's been so difficult to fight them." Hyatt sweatdropped. Seeing that there wasn't anyone around to see them now, she shouted "EXPLOSION! BEAT CHANGE!", transforming into Escalayer. "I guess they make both sides say stupid things in this battle," commented Excel as the two of them walked out to confront the Fuman. "This is the first battle you've been in since we met, right?" Escalayer nodded. "Well, don't worry. I know you can beat this thing easily." Pastel bubbles replaced the background for a moment. "Excel-chan... thank you for being so confident of me..." "After all, we've been Hing so much this last week, you ought to be able to take on God and win," continued Excel. Escalayer blushed and sweatdropped. In the meantime, the Fuman was getting upset at being ignored. It loomed up in front of them and let out an indignant cry of "BU!" "SHUT UP! WE'RE TRYING TO HAVE A TOUCHING AND DRAMATIC SCENE HERE!!!" shouted Excel, punctuating it with several solid uppercuts. The Fuman let out a mournful cry of "Bu....", and exploded. "..." "..." "Well, I guess that means we can go home now," Excel finally said. * *+* * Some distance away... "The Fuman have failed us again?" asked a shadowy figure. "So it seems," replied another shadowy figure. "That Escalayer is always interfering with our plans." The shadowy figure exhaled heavily, setting a moustache-shaped shadow quivering. "Actually, it wasn't Escalayer." "Not Escalayer?" "No. It was an ordinary girl who destroyed the Fuman this time." "I see... The people of this city must be stronger than I had thought. We will need to use stronger measures." "Do you mean...?" "Send the Ropponmatsu." * *+* * Several days later... Hyatt (who had already transformed into Escalayer) and Excel were walking down a narrow alley towards a park where a disturbance had been reported. Suddenly... "Stop right there!" shouted a silhouetted figure at the end of the alley. "(Isn't that the sort of thing we're supposed to say?)" asked Excel. As they drew closer, it became apparent that there were two figures - a tall purple-haired woman, and a younger girl with pink and purple hair. The taller one continued. "We are the Ropponmatsu, and in the name of the Safety Assurance Institute, we will defeat you, and..." "(That sort of cheesy introductory speech is *definitely* supposed to be the magical girl team's job!)" noted Excel. "And..." continued the tall Ropponmatsu. "..." Hyatt commented. "And..." "..." Excel responded. "And... Ropponmatsu, what did Mr. Kabapu say we were supposed to do after we defeated Escalayer?" the taller one finally asked. Excel and Hyatt fell over. "I don't remember, big sister," replied the shorter Ropponmatsu. "I do remember him saying not to call him Mr. Kabapu though." Ropponmatsu sweatdropped. "What should we call him then? Sir Kabapu?" Ropponmatsu shook her head. "Lord Kabapu?" Another headshake. "Well, we'll just leave the two of you to work this out on your own, okay?" said Excel as she and Hyatt backed out of the alley. "Master Kabapu?" Yet another shake of the head. "... Mistress Kabapu?" Ropponmatsu fell over. "Big sister, I think he meant that we shouldn't mention his name at all." "Oh..." Ropponmatsu stood up and looked around. "... Big sister, they escaped!" * *+* * "So the new enemies call themselves Ropponmatsu?" asked Cossette. "That is what they said," replied Hyatt. "I was expecting something like this to happen sooner or later," Cossette mused. "We were warned that there would be more powerful enemies coming, and-" "I didn't get any warning. Did you get any warning, Hatchan?" Excel asked. "No [???] " Cossette ignored them. "You should be careful not to underestimate them. They will probably end up being much more dangerous than the Fuman." "They didn't seem to have any idea what they were doing," noted Excel. "Their incompetence did seem to be quite exceptional," agreed Hyatt. "Don't underestimate them anyway!" shouted Cossette. "They'll probably get their act together eventually..." "Hai, hai..." Cossette sweatdropped. * *+* * The next day... "Stop right there!" "Are you going to say that every time we run into you?" asked Excel. "They seem to be working from a very limited speechbook," Escalayer commented. Ropponmatsu ignored them and continued. "We are the Ropponmatsu, and today we know what we're supposed to do with you! In the name of the Safety Assurance Institute, we will defeat you, and..." "Come on, come on, don't leave us in suspense here..." "... And molest you!" she finished. Excel facevaulted. "You do realize how insanely stupid that is, right?" she asked. Ropponmatsu might have been about to answer, but before she had a chance Ropponmatsu interrupted her. "Big sister, can I molest this one instead? She has such beautiful eyes..." [adoring gaze] "Mr. Kabapu didn't say anything about molesting anyone other than Escalayer..." "Big sister!" "What is it, Ropponmatsu?" "You know we're not supposed to say his name is Mr. Kabapu!" "But they already heard it last time." "Hatchan, are you all right?" Excel quietly asked while the Ropponmatsu argued. "Your face is turning pale..." Escalayer wobbled a bit before falling over, pulling Excel with her into a ditch. "... So don't mention his name again, okay?" concluded Ropponmatsu. "Yes. I will not mention Mr. Kabapu's name again." Ropponmatsu sweatdropped. "... Where did they go?" Ropponmatsu asked. Roppponmatsu facevaulted. "Oh no, not again!" [...] * *+* * "So, why did Hatchan faint like that?" asked Excel. "The man who designed the DDD system that Escalayer uses disappeared shortly after it was completed. Without his help, getting the system properly calibrated has been difficult. I thought we had most of the bugs ironed out, but..." Cossette shrugged. "Who was this guy, anyway?" "His name was Gojo. Dr. Gojo Shioji." * *+* * [Setup for next fight, Excel and Ropponmatsu <2> are sitting on a bench on the sidelines.] "Aren't you going to fight too?" asked Excel. Ropponmatsu shook her head. "I'm not strong enough to fight against Escalayer. I just came along to cheer for my big sister. YOU CAN DO IT, ROPPONMATSU! ... Oh, and I'm supposed to help afterwards too." "Afterwards?" "You know, the molesting part." "Oh." Excel sweatdropped. "You do realize that's a completely insane plan, right? Why would you even want to do that?" "That is what our leader who we aren't supposed to name commands." Excel sweatdropped again. "I already heard it you know... Anyway, why would he want you to do that?" "Well, he said we had to do it seven times, but I don't really know why... Oh no! Big sister!" While Excel and Ropponmatsu were talking, Escalayer had Ropponmatsu stunned and was moving in for the finishing move. "SUBLIMIT... ELEVATION!" she shouted, kicking Ropponmatsu off into the distance. Ropponmatsu ran off after her. "Big sister, wait for me!" [...] * *+* * "Your report, Cossette?" Lord Ilpallazo asked. "The situation has improved dramatically," Cossette said. "We had been having some trouble charging the DDD, but a new girl arrived who was able to help us out." She handed Ilpallazo a file folder. Ilpalazzo opened up the folder. Inside was a picture of a familiar looking blonde girl with lovely green eyes... Ilpallazo twitched a bit. "Well, I'd better get back to work. They always seem to stop having sex if I leave them alone for too long. Ja ne!" Cossette exited. A few minutes later, Ilpallazo said quietly "... that girl was supposed to be my assistant..." * *** **+** *** * #play end_credits("Ai",ExcelSaga) END EPISODE ONE - BEAT ANGEL <3 EXCELAYER * *+* * Cossette: Coming up in the next episode of Beat Angel Excelayer! Excel: The plot thickens as the mysterious force behind SAIlust reveals itself! And what's that big glowing thing? ARRRGH! Hyatt: Please read the next episode! * *+* *