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Kimochi Warui

Taken from an Everything2 node of mine: See This Node.

Kimochi warui

These were Asuka Langley Sohryu's last words in The End of Evangelion.

These last words have caused endless discussions by Western Eva no otaku because of the fact that the line "kimochi warui" cannot be perfectly translated into English. Of course like everything Eva related it caused big discussions among Japanese otaku as well.

To translate "kimochi warui" you must first fully understand how Asuka was feeling by the end of the last scene. This is what causes all the problems because the line can be interpreted in a number of different ways depending on how you perceive the situation and it is a classic example of what makes Neon Genesis Evangelion so brilliant.

The following is a list of possible translations, and then my interpretation of what the line means. Please note that this is just my interpretation; it is what I think. There is no one correct translation.

"kimochi warui" can translate to:

Of course this is by no means an exhaustive list but you get the idea. Now as to what I think it means; I think the clues lie in the only two other times that "kimochi warui" is uttered in Evangelion. The first time it is said is in Evangelion Episode 01 when Shinji Ikari "breathed" LCL for the first time. LCL is "kimochi warui" according to Shinji.

The second time it is said by Asuka herself, in the Redone Evangelion Episode 22. In the bathroom scene just after the scene of Asuka talking on the phone with her "mother", Asuka says (translated into Enlish):

Kimochi warui.
Who wants to bathe in the same water that Misato and Baka Shinji have bathed in?
Who wants to use a washing machine that Misato and Baka Shinji have washed their
underwear in?
Who wants to sit on a toilet that Misato and Baka Shinji have used?
Who wants to breath the same air as Misato and Baka Shinji?

The scene goes on from there. Basically she is complaining about how she has to live in the same space as Misato and Stupid Shinji.

I think that maybe Asuka said "kimochi warui" at the end of Evangelion Episode 26', the end of The End of Evangelion, because she was recalling when she was in LCL, as LCL herself, and when her mind was being merged with the whole of humanity. She was saying "kimochi warui", "How disgusting."(as I prefer to translate it), because of everything she just went through, both physically and mentally, physically because of he being in LCL, of being LCL when she lost physical form, and mentally because in that state, and during Instrumentality her soul was bared to the world, she wasn't just sharing Shinji and Misato's bath and toilet and air, she was in a way sharing them with everyone else in the world. That is my take on it at least. Of course like everything in Eva, and as Hideaki Anno said; "We all have to find our own answers.".

Something interesting to note is that Asuka's original last words (in the storyboards) were supposed to be "...Anta nanka ni korosareru no wa mappira yo" which translates roughly into "No Way, I'll never let you kill me". Apparently Anno Hideaki asked Asuka's Seiyuu (Voice Actor) Miyamura Yuuko to think about another line and the infamous "kimochi warui" is what she came up with. So Asuka's last words were written by Miyamura and not Anno!

Now what I posted above is more focued on why Asuka said Kimochi warui, than why did Shinji strange Asuka in the first place. For a long while all we had were theories. There is little evidence presented in that scene so it comes down to your perception of what the characters were thinking and what their motivations were. They were theories until Bochan_Bird from the Eva ML translated some of the Eva card game cards. The following the the description on the Kimochi warui card.

Part II (movies) Drama card D-88
Title: "Kimochi warui"
Small print:

"Shinji renounced the world where all hearts had melted into one and accepted each other unconditionally. His desire... to live with 'others' -- other hearts that would sometimes reject him, even deny him. That is why the first thing he did after coming to his senses was to place his hands around Asuka's neck. To feel the existence of an 'other'. To confirm (make sure of) rejection and denial."
So it would seem that Shinji's motivation lies in his need to "feel the existence of an 'other'".

MDWigs 2002