What do I do to ignore them behind me?
Do I follow my instincts blindly?
Do I hide my pride from these bad dreams?
And give in to sad thoughts that are maddening?
Fuck. My mind is racing with endless thoughts of insanity as I lie sleepless in my bed. I continue to think of my "what if" life. What if I'd defeated Kakarotto? What if I'd defeated Freeza? What if I was immortal? What if I just left? Would anyone miss me?
Shit. It always comes to that… Would anyone miss me? Why do I care!? I should just leave. Surely there are those out there who know of the almighty Super Saiyajin Prince Vejita. I could easily renew my power, my glory. Saiyajin live so much longer than these damn Humans, I could begin again… As the strongest in the universe. I could do it so easily... So easily.
Do I sit here and try to stand it?
Or do I try to catch them red—handed?
Do I trust some and get fooled by phoniness,
Or do I trust nobody and live in loneliness?
But I can't. Fuck, I can't. Or should I? Should I leave, live out something I'd wanted so long ago? That's just it… It's something I wanted… What about now? What do I want?
Kakarotto. Kami, Kakarotto.
That's impossible though. He's so beyond me. So… Human. His tiny brain capacity probably doesn't allow for same sex matings, let alone anything other than fighting and food. Hn. He's more Saiyajin than he realizes.
I could though… I could approach him… Take him… He'd be mine, bound to me.
However, the "what ifs" make themselves known in my mind… What if he rejects me? What if he laughs at me? He's… Fuck, what's that damned Human word… Married. He's married, in love. Love… Something completely unknown to me. Although, I'm not sure he knows what it is either… I mean, who could love that raving harpy? Hn. Who'd have ever thought that I, elite Saiyajin warrior Vejita, would be so sentimental? It makes me sick.
Because I can’t hold on when I’m stretched so thin
I make the right moves but I’m lost within
I put on my daily facade but then
I just end up getting hurt again
By myself
The gravity room. I'm fairly sure that this is my favorite place on this damn mud ball. It creates a pain in my muscles, making me strain and push myself… It distracts me from my thoughts.
I fall to the floor, sweating, panting. How long have I been training? Will I die lying here in 400 times Earth's gravity? Would anyone miss me?
Fuck… It's too late though; my thoughts have already taken hold of my mind. I feel like I'm living, but I know I'm not. I do everything that's expected of me. I train, I eat, I'm proud and strong… Just like my father taught me. I do it everyday. I cover my inner struggles with my pride, but I'm so tired of it. Even a prince needs someone.
Hn. I'm so weak. I showed myself to that damned woman… Twice. I have two children to prove that. It didn't solve anything though. It still hurts. I wonder… Would it be different with… With him?
Myself
I ask why, but in my mind
I find I can’t rely on myself
I jump to my feet powering up to my max. The metal walls of the sphere shaped room creak as they give. This pain… I don't want to think about it!
Myself
I ask why, but in my mind
I find I can’t rely on myself
I refuse to think about it! I refuse! I power up further… Further than I've ever gone before. The creaking continues, but the crumpling of the sheeted metal is beyond me. Moments later there's an explosion and I'm not sure what's going on. All I know is that there is a lot of pain. Why am I always hurting myself? Why do I care? Hn. At least it's harder to think…
I can’t hold on
To what I want when I’m stretched so thin
It’s all too much to take in
Blackness… Everything's black and I don't have to think about anything at all.
I can’t hold on
To anything watching everything spin
With thoughts of failure sinking in
Hn… Who is that? I open my eyes to see… Kakarotto?! What the Hell? Then there's that woman… I can't keep my eyes open anymore, but I'm well aware of what's going on around me. I'm being moved, inside, no doubt. Oh, Kami… Kakarotto's carrying me… I can feel his warmth… One strong arm carrying the bulk of my weight, my upper body… He's hugging me so close to his warm chest. The other arm is gently supporting my legs, carrying my like some king of damsel in distress. My mind is swirling and my instincts are in more control than my rationality. All I know is that I find myself nuzzling the fool, practically whimpering… Whimpering! …When he lies me down, the touch, the connection, severed.
If I turn my back I’m defenseless
And to go blindly seems senseless
If I hide my pride and let it all go on
Then they’ll take from me ‘till everything is gone
Days… Weeks have passed. I'm strong as ever having faced death one on one. My mind is really abusing me now more than ever. I've seriously been considering taking the fool. Just approaching him wordlessly and taking him, forcing him to be mine, forever.
I don't understand why the Hell I want him so bad, but I do. I can't deny it anymore, but if he hurts me… I swear… I'll fucking kill him.
If I let them go I’ll be outdone
But if I try to catch them I’ll be outrun
If I’m killed by the questions like a cancer
Then I’ll be buried in the silence of the answer
By myself
It's taken me years to accept, but he's better than me. Stronger, faster, better. I'm going to put my pride on the back burner and approach him. I'm going to do it… Even if it kills me… Even if it kills him… At least I'll know what it was like… Love.
Myself
I ask why, but in my mind
I find I can’t rely on myself
It's been many more weeks, and I've been training with him practically everyday. He stands before me now, panting and covered in delicious sweat. Fuck…
Building my courage, I step forward… So close we're nearly touching. He's confused, but he remains where he stands, looking down at me. I curse myself for shaking as I lift a hand to his chest, slowly rubbing the touch up to his neck before pulling him down to my level.
I look him in the eyes, trying my best to read the blank expression… Does he want this? I don't wait to figure out, instead, pressing my lips to his. Kami, so soft and sweet! I want more of the taste and plunge my tongue in his mouth, stepping closer, pressing out bodies together.
I guess he lost his footing as I unexpectedly pressed against him, because the next thing I knew he was falling to the ground, with me straddled over him.
Then, he spoke, "Ve… Vejita?" He's still confused. Hn, so fucking innocent.
I remind myself of my intentions and lean down over him, taking possession of his mouth a second time, angling my head for better access. It's strange, he's not responding, yet he's not pushing me away either.
Soon, we're both naked and I'm forcing my way inside him. He's afraid of the new sensations, I can tell. He's not sure if this is right. I never give him chance to speak though, keeping our lips locked as I hold him down.
Nearing my peak, I move my lips to his neck, which gives him opportunity to speak, "Jitah… What… Ah… What are you doin'?"
I deny him an answer, instead, biting down on the cord of muscled flesh connecting neck and shoulder. He yelps as I suck hungrily at the wound… My mark. Hn, he's mine. Forever. Kami, his blood is so thick, like metallic honey. Suddenly, he reaches his limit, moaning what I think is my name as he spills his seed on both our abdomens. His entire body tenses up, and with one final thrust, I too reach orgasm, marking him for the second time as mine.
Myself
I ask why, but in my mind
I find I can’t rely on myself
I awake to find that we're still lying on the dirt floor of our favorite training grounds. He's cuddled up against me so cutely. Yes, you heard right. The prince of all Saiyajin just said cute.
Pulling away ever so carefully, I rise, dressing quickly. For some reason I don't want to be there when he wakes. I fear, yes, fear his reaction. Of course, at this point it doesn't matter whether he likes what's happened or not. We're bonded now, and death will be the ultimate outcome if we're separated for too long.
I blast off, leaving you there alone, naked, a mess. It won't be long before you wake and come looking for me.
I can’t hold on
To what I want when I’m stretched so thin
It’s all too much to take in
How long has it been? Probably several days, but it feels like years. How come you haven't come to me yet? Did I do something wrong? No. I can feel it… It's like a tiny spot in the back of my mind… I can feel you there, your emotions, your strength. We are bonded.
My brain feels like it's on fucking fire! No one can stand to be around me. Even Trunks seems to have given up on me. I'm a wreck, Kakarotto! How are you handling this? Why haven't you come to me yet? I don't understand.
I can’t hold on
To anything watching everything spin
With thoughts of failure sinking in
How do I explain all this? Okay… Vejita walks up to me one day outta the blue and wants to train. We start a routine, and we're training more and more often. Then, one day… He comes up to me and just starts doing the most amazing things. I don't even know what to think. I just know that I've felt… Something towards him all my life. I've always figured it for respect. Kami, I respect him so much, but now…
It's like I can't think of anything but him. It's to the point where Chi-Chi, Gohan, and Goten are really worried. I try not to be around them too much. I don't wanna make them sad with all my moping. I just wish Vejita would come back and explain all of this too me. He knows I'm not that smart. Why won't he come back?
That's another thing… It's almost like he's always there… In my mind. It's really weird, and it's like he's sad too, so I feel twice as sad.
Taking a seat at the edge of the river, I suddenly get a thought that is so beyond me… What if I just end it? I could destroy myself easily, I have that power. Sure, everyone would be sad, but it seems like the only escape. I can't live like this anymore.
A thought comes to me, "End it… Only escape… Can't live like this…" Kami, Kakarotto! It's Kakarotto's thought! He has been going just as crazy as myself!
In seconds I'm blasting towards an all too familiar woods. What was I thinking! The fucking simpleton probably has no clue what he's feeling!
How do you think, I’ve lost so much?
I’m so afraid, I’m out of touch
How do you expect, I will know what to do,
When all I know, Is what you tell me to?
I land near him and my mind is already settling into ease. I grab his shoulders and turn him to face me as I begin yelling at him for his stupidity. He seems surprised at first, but remains calm throughout the rest of my outburst. Surely, the gods heard that one. Finally, I too calm. It seems he's starting to feel better. Hn, baka. I should have known… Why would he know what he was feeling? He's practically Human.
Don’t you know
I can’t tell you how to make it go
No matter what I do, how hard I try
I can’t seem to convince myself why
I’m stuck on the outside
"Vejita… I don't know… I…" You're stuttering and your eyes are watering. I don't know if I can handle this. Moments later you throw yourself in my arms, gasping as you try and regulate your breathing.
Don’t you know
I can’t tell you how to make it go
No matter what I do, how hard I try
I can’t seem to convince myself why
I’m stuck on the outside
I'm such a fucking moron. When you begin to quiet, I explain everything to you, completely spilling the beans. Surprisingly, you take it well.
"Just… Just don't leave me again, kay?" Cute. It's the best word to describe you. Just so utterly, adorably cute. All of you out there laughing your ass off at my new vocabulary, fuck you!
That damn hellcat of yours, along with your brats, has come into the clearing. No doubt they heard my ranting earlier. They're more then surprised to see the two strongest warriors in the entire universe embracing.
I can’t hold on
To what I want when I’m stretched so thin
It’s all too much to take in
You explained everything to them using my words. It's been months and all of your lame ass friends are beginning to accept it. Still, I refuse to explain myself.
"Jita, they're not lame." You say, rubbing my muscled, bare stomach, your head resting against my chest as we lie in bed.
Hn, I've grown so found of you. Love. To imagine that I'm in love. Of course, I'll never tell you that. Ever. My pride may have taken a coffee break in the past, but it is up and working quite well now. You don't seem to mind though.
I can’t hold on
To anything watching everything spin
With thoughts of failure sinking in
You voice your emotions daily, just like a Human. We fuck like rabbits, practically always keeping some kind of contact. You enjoy that more than I do. Another Human quality, cuddling. I never said I was complaining though.
You nuzzle my chest, and speak, reminding me of that day not so long ago when you'd carried me from the debris of the gravity room I'd destroyed with an intense explosion.
"I was carryin' you to the lab when you moved against me. That's when I knew I felt somethin' more." Your statement has me smiling on the inside. I know you've told me this before, but I like hearing it over and over. I've never told you this, but I think you know me too well.
I can’t hold on
To what I want when I’m stretched so thin
It’s all too much to take in
Finally, you fall asleep, and I'm free to stare at you for as long as I like… Well, at least until I fall asleep or you wake up. It's stupid, I know, but I will never tell you how much I care, and I will never tell you that I need you. I'm sure you know, the link we share holds no secrets, but I will never voice it.
Soon, I'm drifting into the world of dreams, happy and in love without a single "what if" to nag at my brain. Hn, with you, there are no "what ifs."
I can’t hold on
To anything watching everything spin
With thoughts of failure sinking
My eyelids slowly flutter open… I love going to sleep with you, my prince. At that moment, that moment when you think I've fallen asleep… Right when you're falling asleep… At that moment I can feel all the raw emotions you hold for me, and my life… My heroic life… It becomes so, so precious… Just because you need it… Love it.
End.
