(I dont own esca, or ANY studio CLAMP characters, or even Jerry springer, or Talk shows... as far as I know, Sakura and I started the Bishonnen Channel, but i could be wrong... So, in short, credit goes where it is applicable... Besides, i'm not worth sueing... i'm BROKE. FYI: plenty of YAOI-ish stuffs, borderline citrus... *sigh* i need to get my head out of the gutter.*bangs head into KB*UYY7-OW!)
Fuuma: This... Is just WRONG and ODD... And I mean ODD as in, odder than what Kamui and I did last night odd!
*CROWD/ KAMUI × FUUMA FANS CHEER*
Kamui: Fuuma-Sama! *blushes* #O.O#
Fuuma: but that's beside the point! Let's bring out Gatti!
*Gatti walks out waving, Chesta pouncies and kisses Gatti happily*
Fuuma: You two certainly seem happy together!
Gatti: Yes... However...
CROWD: Oooooh....
Gatti: I'm married!
CROWD: YOU SUCK YOU SUCK YOU SUCK! *chant*
Kamui: Um.. so....?
Gatti: And, I'd also like to be with Guimel AND Chesta..
Chest: Gatti-San!
Fuuma: Uhh... THAT wasnt on the Q-cards....
Kamui: That was for the NEXT show, but we'll just go into overtime and Okra, or whatever her name is, will have to do a bishonnen special tomorrow....
Fuuma: Hn... Okay... So, Chesta? Are you going to let him do this to you?
Chesta: I'll do whatever Gatti-San wants... *huggles Gatti happily*
Kamui: Well, it appears that BOTH Guimel and Gatti's wif are backstage, and it seems that they're both PISSED! It loo--
Gatti's wife: GATTI! YOU WORTHLESS PEICE OF TRASH! I NEVER SHOULDA MARRIED YOU!
Gatti: It was an arranged marrage!
Guimel: Chesat, he's all yours, I want Viole... *grin*
CROWD: YOU GO! YOU GO! YOU GO!*chant*
*Gatti shruggs and pets on Chesta*
Fuuma: riiiiiiiight... This is just getting wrong....
Kamui: hm... I dont think they're paying much attention to us now anywho... Heck, i dont even think anyone's even listening to us anymore!
*Fight breaks out between Gatti and Gatti's wife*
*Gatti's wife is escorted off the stage*
*Viole stomps onto the stage*
Viole: IT WAS RAPE!!! *DRAMATIZES*
Guimel: Uhhh... Kay.. you wernt complaining...
Viole: He stole me from my precious Dalet-Sama!
Guimel: Dalet LENT you to me! But it's more than that now! *gets down on one knee* Viole! Marry me!
*Dalet appears by hopping out of hammer-space and attacks Guimel* YOU'RE NOT GONNA MARRY MY BOY-WHORE!!!!
Guimel: OW! QUIT POUNING ON MY CHEST! AGH! I THINK YOU BROKE ONE OF MY
FRIGGIN' RIBS! O.×
*Dalet hopps off of Guimel* Viole, you're my boy-whore, and loosing you would mean I'd run
out of bussiness, I dont, love you...
Viole: I was just dramatizing, i really dont care...
Dalet: Good, because I'm in love... with Migel!
*Kamui giggles* Fuuma!
*everyone looks around for Fuuma and Kamui, because the little screens read "COMERCIAL BREAK"*
Fuuma: mmmmm... Kamui-kun...
*Both hosts are doing eclair-worthy things to one another as they hide somewhere, out of sight of the audience*
Kamui; Ah! FUUMA!!! I think-- Ah! we need-- FUUMA!
*CROWD/ FUUMA × KAMUI FANS CHEER*
Kamui: AHHHH!
Fuuma: Comercial! Kamui! Stop squerming like that!
Kamui: Bu' Fuuumaaaa!!!!
Naria: Have weak, brittle claws?
Eyria: Use Nutra-calws!
Naria: Simply apply every day!
Eyria: Make your weak-brittle claws grow in five to seven days!
*Fuuma sits in the audience, smoking a cigarett, shirt half-open, with Kamui slouching next to him* Well, we're back... *takes a drag off of his cigarett* and Dalet loves Migel.... but, since nobody's paying us mutch attention, I'll let THEM do all the story-telling...
* Migel walks, out and pushes Dalet away when Dalet bounces over to huggle him* Why do you think I'd want a child like you? *rolls eyes* i hate stupid and immature little boys...
*CROWD BOOS* YOU SUCK! *various other comments*
Dalet: But... I thought... We had something special...*sniffles*
Migel: Dalet-kun.... *puts his hands on Dalet's shoulders* I'm verry sorry, but... *sighs and steps away* I'm in love with Folken!
*Dalet gasps* But! You said you had never felt this way before!
Migel: I said i had never felt that way before with a human...
Dalet: Then Folken is....?
Migel: Draconian.
Dalet: Oooohhh.... *remembers the drama part in this* But.. You said you LOVED me! *grabs Migel and cries all over his uniform shirt.*
Fuuma: Ahem.. let's bring out Folken....
*Kamui is nowhere in sight*
*Folken walks out calmly*
Migel: Folken-Sama! *huggles Folken*
*Folken sighs* What makes you think i'd want a child like you? *shoves Migel away*
*Migel looks rather stunned*
Dalet: Hey! You cant treat Migel that way!
Migel: Dalet!
*Folken rolls his eyes*
Dalet: I'll ALWAYS love Migel, even if he doesnt love me back!
CROWD: awww.....
Migel: Dalet-kun... *grabs Dalet and kisses him happily*
Folken: Now that that's over with... *turns to Dilly and Van*
Dilly: Hee hee... *nibbles on Van's ear and playfuly yanks on the chain attatched to the collar around Van's neck.*
Folken: I don-- *severely twitches as a giant eclair falls on Dalet and Migel* As i was saying... DIlandau, stop licking my little brother....
*Dilly stops, but still has his tongue on Van's eclair-flavoured cheek* 'Uht?
Folken: Get your toungue off of my little brother!! >.<
Dilandau: Says WHO?! *hops up to challenge Folken*
Folken: Says me!
Dilly: You an' what army?
Folken: Me and MY army!
*slap-fight errupst between the two*
Dilly: Like you're the one to say anythign to us!
Folken: Oh YEAH?!
Dilly: YEAH!
Folken: Oh, YEAH?!
Fuuma: this is gonna take a while... let's have a comercial...
Dornkirk: This is a test of the Zaibach Brodcast System, if this was a real emergency, we would give you instructions on where to go, remebe this is only a test.... *pushes a button on hi sLife support machine*
BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP!
Dornkirk: remember, that was only a test....
Dilly: YEAH! THAT'S EXACTLY WHY YOU'VE BEEN SLEEPING WITH GADETH!!!
Folken: oooh... BITCH! *starts a slap-fight with Dilly, but his claw gets caught on Dilly's shirt (which has MAGIACLY re-appeared) and rips it off*
Dilandau: EEP!
Van: Dilly! I am SO turrned on! *tries to hide his nosebleed*
*Dilly, at the scent of blood, shoved Folken into the crowd*
*Folken Crowd surfs*
*Dilly pounces his prey, sending another eclair sailing thru the air to land atop the obscene characters*
*Folken gets tossed back up onto the stage* Ahem... well that didnt work out....
Gadeth: FOOOOOOLLLLKIE-CHAAAAAAAAN!!!! *pounces Folken*
Folken: AAAAHHHHHH!!!!! LEAVE ME ALONE!!!! I DONT LOVE YOUUU!!!! I DONT EVEN KNOW WHY I SLEPT WITH YOU!!!!
Gadeth: Dont say it was JUST the everclear! I KNOW you want me! *pose*
Folken: I really dont want you,m besides, i thought you like Allen....
Allen: I DONT LIKE HIM!
*Gadeth sighs* Why doesnt anybody want me?! Arent i sexy? *cries*
*Allen pats Gadeth on the back* You're a slut, dont take it so personaly...
Gadeth: I AM NOT!
Allen: You are so...
Gadeth: I AM NOT!!!
*argument continues*
*camera changes from the 'fight' to Fuuma*
*Fuuma has his head leaning against the back of thew seat, slouching, with his eyes closed*
hm?*opens one eye* EEK! *Grabs Kamui byt the hair and pulls his eys out of his lap*
*CROWD/ KAMUI × FUUMA FANS CHEER*
Kamui: Ow...*licks lips* Wha'?
Fuuma: They're paying attention to us again!
Kamui: !!! *whipes his mouth off with the back of his hand and borrows some gum from Arashi*
Arashi: Everytime.... *goes back to staring at the ceiling, ignoring both Sorata and the hosts...*
*Fuuma coughs into his hand* aaaanywho...
Kamui: Um... I wasnt really paying any attention...*blows a bubble with the gum*
*Fuuma pops the bubble* I think that was everything, so in the last part, we'll have questions from the audience.
*Kamui is having trouble un-sticking the gum from his face* Help!
*Fuuma sighs* Really?
*Kamui sniffles* no...
Fuuma: This'll take a minute...
*camera goes back to the 'fight'*
Allen: You are so!
Gadeth: ARE NOT!
*both get into a slap-fight... the GIRLY kind...*
(You make up your own this time, it's 2:18 am, and i'm out of ideas)
*All the characters (who werent killed or taken away) sit on the stage in chairs, clean of eclair filling and re-clothed*
Fuuma: The audience gets to ask quetions now 'cos they had to listen to they yack this whole time... *passes microphone around*
Tomoyo: Truck stop whore, who designs your costumes? I think Sakura-chan would look very dignified in one... but i would add a frill and some ribbons...
Allen: Austouria does... and i'm not a truck stop whore...
Suu: Van and Folken, are either of you four-leaf-clovers?
Folken & Van: Huh?
Suu: Nevermind...
Kujaku: Hey, Gadeth! How'd youlike to go out with me?! I'm MUCH prettier and i've got black wings too!
Gadeth: OKAY!
Mokona: PUUUU! PU PU PU PU PUUU?!
Migel: No... No i dont own a pink spatula, sorry...
Yoshiki(X japan): Truck stop whore, who colours your hair? It looks VERY natural...
Allen: IT IS NATURAL!!!! AND I AM NOT A TRUCK STOP WHORE!!!!!!!!!!!!
Fuuma: If you insist...
Hinito: Folken, you are albino, correct?
Folken: Yes...
Hinito: WHY ARENT YOU BLIND ALSO?! *Men with sunglasses and back suits drag her back to the Diet building*
Kare: Hey, little boy, Viole... Are you for sale tonight?
Viole: Nope, but i'm for rent or lease...
Yasha: Ahem.. Van, how do you feel about being in love with an 'it'?
*Ashura whines* Yaaashaaaa!
Yasha: And how exactly do you create more interest in the be--
Ashura: YASHA! *THWACKS Yasha*
Yasha: Ow!
Van: I'll tell you all my secrets afte the show.. ^.^
Kamui(s): That's all the time we have for today! Dewa Ashita! *waves*
Kamui: And next week our topic is: The Boy-Whores of studio CLAMP!
*Ending music (Strawberry Kiss kiss or the Jerry springer theme, your pick) plays, screen shots of the CROWD doing the wave, Allen and Gadth arguing, Folken still not being too happy about Van and Dilly, Fuuma and Kamui flirting, Sei-chan hitting on Subaru, and breif shots of Zagato, Eagle and Lantis streaking*
