Blue
by Lockheaert

Chapter One

Blue. The sky is blue, and cloudless. The good weather permeates the walls, and even from my place in the room I can feel the blueness and the cloudlessness of the sky.

I stand up and reach out to twist the doorknob. A deep breath, and then I step out into the morning.

Sunlight and cherry blossoms and the sweet scent of spring in the air. The breeze caresses the back of my neck - something that it never could do before I cut my hair. The grass beneath my shoes is still wet with dew; the world, now more than ever, still seems young and pure. The perfect day that you only see in fairytales - but all the sunshine and laughter is not enough to ease the pain in my heart, only amplify it.

How long ago was it, that you called? I wish I had known. I wish I had known, then, that it was you; I wish I had known what you were going to say.

I would never have picked up the phone.

Oh, self-deception is a painful thing; a coward's way out. But sometimes I wonder if it would be better to stay nestled within the numb folds of self-deception than to plunge into the chasms of pain and hate. And bitterness. Always bitterness.

"Recca-kun and I are getting married!" you said in that sweet voice of yours, brimming with joy and bliss and with the slightest touch of embarrassment that was endlessly endearing. And you didn't know it, but it seemed as if though everything around me was suddenly insignificant. I didn't think I could speak, but I did.

"Oh," I said. "Oh."

And that was that.

I suppose I should have known that the announcement would come eventually. But I lived one day at a time, not knowing what I wanted to do; what I should do. So I did nothing - probably the wisest choice.

Because I love you.

And you love him.

And at times, I allow jealousy to overtake myself - not simply because he has succeeded thus far in protecting the person he has sworn to protect, while I was too weak to save the one I loved the most; but for the simple fact that he has you and your love.

Since the call, I know, everybody has been caught up in a frenzy of preparation. Everybody. Including me. I have my own preparation; I have my own plans. Everything that needs to be packed is packed; the car trunk is full. I put my hand into my pocket, and feel the brush of the air ticket against my fingers. The feeling of the stiff paper is slightly comforting - only very slightly, but enough.

As time goes by, you learn to take what you can get. Anything more would be futile dreaming.

(Once burned, twice shy.)

(Twice burned, never again.)

Satisfied, I shove the house keys into my pocket and walk out to the car.

**

I am an hour late when I pull up outside the Hanabishi residence. Tardiness is unlike me; no matter, time is but a detail now.

The door is wide open, or so I notice as I lock the car door, and I hear sounds - sounds of cheer and laughter, fitting for a wedding day. Mutely I begin walking toward the house.

I enter the house relatively unnoticed, and immediately I spot you. You are radiant, beautiful, glowing with love; upon first sight you take my breath away. All at once I am struck at the similarities between you and Mifuyu - and the differences.

Where you smile with that spark of youth and innocence, oneechan was tired, old. Where your mouth is open in that familiar laughing smile, free with not a care in the world, she was laden with thousands of burdens.

But you are both beautiful, you in front of me and Mifuyu in my memories. And you are both cheerful and optimistic. And you are both the only people who have really mattered to me.

Hanabishi moves beside you; he is beaming proudly, the epitome of an overjoyed young groom. I sometimes wonder how far fate can go. How many chances can it give somebody? How many chances can it take away?

…How many blows can it deal?

You look at each other, and the look exchanged is visible. It would be heartwarming to anybody - anybody else. It chills me; everything sinks perfectly into place.

You will be happy, and so will he.

(All the best.)

It is time to leave.

**

I turn around, turn away. Away from the houseful of guests and the Hokage and everything that has happened in the past years.

(One step.)

(One step away.)

A deep breath. Everything is real - terrifyingly real.

No more untainted spheres of dreams, floating around like pink bubbles in the perfect sky. No more bubbles blown by young children, full of hope and playing with death.

No more.

No more worlds of memories and disbelief and deep-set minds. No more stained hands dripping black blood of vengeance, no more pained minds stuck in time, refusing to stay in anywhere but the present.

No more.

Time to go.

(Time to let you go.)

One step - one step, and I take it. One step out of the house. One step out of that life.

One step, and I leave.

**

The land is getting further away.

After half a day's delay - technical problems with the plane - I am finally off. A delay. If I were superstitious, I would have thought that it was a sign. But superstition is just another faraway notion now. Like dreams. Like wishes upon a falling star. The wishes always end up like the star.

Fallen.

It is evening outside, and the sky is tinted with a rosy glow. As the plane rises, I realise something.

The sunset at 32 000 feet, over the Land of the Rising Sun, must be one of the most beautiful things in the world. One of the most beautiful. But not as much as a youthful face that I have loved for so long, and the wonders of a memory of fifteen years ago.

And just before we escape into and beyond the cloud cover I notice something as I stare out of the window-- something at the very corner of my vision; just within my sight.

A falling star.

I smile.

**

It is amazing how much easier it is to think about something when you are far, far away from it and getting further every second.

The last light is long gone; outside it is dark night. I cannot see the stars; all I can see are layers of clouds outside - above, below, around.

Maybe- just maybe- one day I'll go back. And if I do, I'll time it so that-

-so that I can see the sun rise over the Land of the Rising Sun.

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