Heero Yuy vs. Osama Bin Ladin

This is it! Dang, I had fun writing this one...it's a golden moment for Heero Lovers and Osama haters! I hope y'all enjoy this!
PLEASE NOTE: I have nothing against Muslims, and I have nothing against Middle Easterners. I mean no stereotyping or offense by writing this, I only mean to express a severe dislike for Osama Bin Ladin HIMSELF.

Crowd: U-S-A! U-S-A! U-S-A!

V-Babe: What a turnout! The stadium is PACKED today, and I have almost the entire Gundam Wing gang here in attendance, more specifically Quatre Raberba Winner, Trowa Barton, Heero Yuy and Duo Maxwell, one of them about to take on the challenger!

Duo: How come she said me last?

Quatre: 'Cause I'm her favorite! ^_^

V-Babe: Allow me to introduce the challenger, the international terrorist whom EVERY American would love a shot at, Osama Bin Ladin.

*Crowd boo's him loudly and throws rotten fruit at him*

Osama: OW! Hey! That hurt! Cut it out! Hey! That was a PINEAPPLE! Can they DO that?????? OUCH!

Relena: I'm tempted to just shoot him right now....

Heero: *wide eyes* Relena Peacecraft wants to shoot somebody???

Relena: Believe me, Heero, even I know when it's necessary to fight back!

V-Babe: Well said, Relena-san! Anyway, I have here the results of the poll for the pilot who gets to cream Osama Bin Ladin...

Osama: *Sneaky grin* How are you so sure the pilot will win? *he reaches behind him, but is surprised to find all his heavy ammunition gone!* Huh???????

V-Babe: *evil smile* You think just 'cause I'm a ditz I don't have a brain? I got Zechs and Treize to take care of your ammunition, Bin Baka! *waves* Thanks, Zechs! Thanks, Trieze!

Treize: My pleasure! *he and Zechs have between them all of Osama's weapons and ammunition*

Osama: Well, don't think I can go down just yet!

V-Babe: Hush, Baka! After what you did to my country I'm tempted to just let Relena shoot you!

Quatre: *standing* But shooting's too good for you, Osama! What you did was WRONG! Nobody deserved the fate you gave all those people! If you were trying to bring attention to some kind of cause, you just turned a lot of people against you! Those were innocent civilians you killed and you shouldn't have ordered those planes hijacked at all!!

*other pilots applaude Quatre*

V-Babe: GO QUATRE!!!

Osama: You seriously underestimate my Al-Queda group. They will be on you...

Zechs: *shouting and laughing* Military airplanes and Tallgeese were the last things they saw!!

V-Babe: So you see, the odds are very much against you, Bin Baka! I had a poll on my site the last two weeks in October '01 to decide who would fight you, and the honor of beating the tar out of you is going to....*opens envelope* with 34% of the vote the honor goes to the one and only pilot 01, also known as the perfect soldier, Heero Yuy!

Quatre: Yeah! *applauds Heero* HEE-RO! HEE-RO!

*Duo and Relena join him in cheering on Heero as Heero runs eagerly into the ring standing in front of Osama. Soon, the whole crowd is chanting "HEE-RO! HEE-RO!"*

Heero: *evil grin* This will be your last battle, Osama!

Trowa: Hey, V-Babe, just out of curiosity, how DID the votes add up?

V-Babe: Fair question. As I said, Heero was the winner with 29 votes out of 69. Duo came in second place with 18 votes. Quatre had 13 votes, Trowa had one, 9 people who took the poll didn't care so long as Osama lost...which you WILL...and 4 people didn't think doing this battle was a good idea.

Heero: *putting aside gun* This is too good for you, Ladin. I'll kill you without it!

V-Babe: Well said! Now let's get on with this! Heero, are you ready?

Heero: Ring the bell! I'm ready!

V-Babe: Great! Fight! *ding!*

Osama: *waving arms* Wait! I'm not ready!

Heero: TOO BAD!!!!!

V-Babe: Heero pounces at Osama slams him into the ground!

Heero: Not so dangerous without your Al-Queda network, are you?

V-Babe: While Osama is on the ground Heero is kicking and stomping him, not giving Osama a chance to get up! GO HEERO!!! Heero then lifts Osama over his head and smashes him into the ground, then yanks him by the collar and punches him a few times before kneeing him in a VERY sensitive spot!!!

Osama: *singing soprano*

Heero: *smacking Osama across the head* Don't be such a wimp, I haven't even started yet! *throws Osama again*


Heero: That's actually a good idea....

V-Babe: Heero brings out some remote thing and...*shadow is cast over the arena*


V-Babe: Sure enough, Wing is looming over the ring right now as Heero jumps into the cockpit...

Osama: I'm out of here!

V-Babe: Osama tries to run away, but Heero takes out his beam saber...


V-Babe: And the saber leaves Osama barely clinging to life and sprawling outside the ring! HEERO WINS THIS BATTLE!!!!!

Heero: Did you honestly think I would lose?

V-Babe: Never doubted you for a minute, Heero!

Osama: I...still say...forget all you...danged Americans!

Duo: Hey! That ain't the way you talk about THIS country, Ladin! *holding up flag* GO USA!!!

*crowd cheers and waves flags*

Heero: *glaring at Osama* Omae o korosu. (trans. "I'll kill you")

V-Babe: Heero comes down on Osama with his bare hands, and so does Duo and the other pilots and *eyes wide* THE ENTIRE CROWD??? Oh, man, this could get UGLY! *hesitates a few seconds before removing headset* But don't think I'M gonna miss the opportunity! *runs out* LEMME AT HIM!!!!