Finally, in the morning of the next day, the ferry arrived on the island of Yakushima. With our team (Kazuya, Jun, Jin, Lee, Kuma, Paul, Marshall & Forest Law) finally setting foot on its soil.

"It's just like being home." Sighed Jun

"Well, we did live here mom." Replied Jin

"Smart-arse." Muttered a certain moany old man

"I didn't say that!" moaned Paul

Everyone looked at Marshall

"Yeah, I said it, so?" replied the aging restaurant-chain owner

Everyone shrugged their shoulders, apart from Kuma, who growled.

"Anyway, let's get searching people! Time is money!" called out Kazuya, making everyone jump, apart from Kuma, who just yelped.

"Er, we're not getting paid for this Kazuya." Stated Lee

"Damn!" exclaimed Paul, "I needed some extra money!"

"Yeah, to pay us back!" moaned Forest

"Hey, I'll pay you back soon" Paul reassured his Bruce Lee look-alike friend

"You still owe me for that cheeseburger and coke." Muttered Marshall

"C'mon, are we just gonna moan about repayments all day?" spoke Jun

Paul and the Law family were arguing over debts. Jin was engrossed in his Gameboy Advanced and Kazuya was arguing with Lee about which was the best Nine Inch Nails video.

"'CLOSER!'" Kazuya shouted at Lee

"'DEEP!'" Lee shouted back at his half-brother

Jun rubbed her temples, and just as you thought it couldn't get any stressful…

"HEY CATS!" a voice cried out

"Not another mysterious voice!" moaned the whole team (Even Kuma!!!)

"Hey, who you callin' a mysterious voice turkey?" questioned an annoyed Tiger Jackson, the owner of the mysterious voice

"EDDY!" exclaimed Paul, "How ya doin'?"

"It's Tiger, Tiger Jackson foo'. T-I-G-E-R J-A-C-K-S-O-N!" replied the 1970's throwback

"Still got ya identity crisis I guess." Deducted the Vanilla Ice-when-he's-middle-aged look-alike replied, "You should've seen Kazuya dressed as Kuma, I mean, how did he get that hairy?"

"I have body hair?" Kazuya spoke in a surprised way

"Yeah, but where it is, is something I'll keep that to myself." Jun replied with a wink

"MOM!" exclaimed Jin, he tried to run away in horror but he tripped up and fell down a woody hillside.

"Least he's luckier then his ol' grampa, hehehehehehehe!" Kazuya cackled, remembering what he did to Heihachi after the first Iron Fist Tournament

"And you." Stated Lee, whom Kazuya went strangely silent on hearing that, but the Wind Godfist made a kind of crashing sound as it smashed into Lee's jaw.

"Er, was that necessary?" questioned Tiger, and oddly, without the 70's slang

"I need a little HELP here people!" called Jin from down the hillside

"Quick, Lee, help the boy!" Kazuya ordered

"Hy hon't hoo het him?" Lee replied through his throbbing jaw

"Wait, I think I found something!" Jin called out from down the hill

"Can you throw it up here?" Jun called unto her son

"My stomach isn't that sensitive!" Jin called back, "Besides, it ain't edible!"

"I mean, can you pass it up here?" Jun replied

"Oh, sure." The 19-going on 21-year old Jin called back and threw the item up to the top of the hill, which got caught in Tiger's Afro

"Whoa man! Whose messing wit' my 'fro foo'?" he exclaimed

Jun took it from Tiger's bulbous hairdo.

"It's a letter, and it's addressed to us!" she cried out

"YES! Our first piece of the puzzle in our search for the Holy Mail!" cried out Lee

"That was my line!" Kazuya replied, "Plus, isn't your jaw supposed to be broken?"

"Nah, it just got hurt, but the throbbing is subsiding now." Lee said

"Too bad." Kazuya replied, as he connected a WGF to Lee's jaw again, "What does the letter say?"

"It says-" Jun started but was interrupted by a loud bang.

"BANG!" went the loud bang

"YAAAGH!" screamed a voice

"Bloody 'ell!" cried another

Then soon, some guy crashed right in front of Team Blame-It-On-The-Boogie (Damn Tiger!). It was so surprising that it pried Jin away from his Gameboy Advanced™

"WHAT THE (beep) WAS THAT?!?!?!?" yelled Jin

"JIN!" scolded Jun

"Sorry." He apologised

"Never mind ('I have that album'-Tek.) that, who's this guy?" said Kazuya, stating the subject of the next in-depth conversation as they all huddled into an American football discussion…thingy.
 
"OK, now, who could this guy be?" asked Kazuya

"Maybe Paul." Spoke Marshal and Forest in union

"Hey!" whinged Paul

"Jinx!" Forest exclaimed

"Shut up! He'll hear us!" Jin spoke in a hushed voice

"Ow hoo hu ho hat he hain't ha hurl?" Lee spoke, with his jaw in a bandage

"What?" Jun spoke out of the blue

"Hi hed 'Ow hoo hu ho hat he hain't ha hurl?'" the silver-haired kick-meister repeated

"Eh?" Jin spoke, in the same tone of confusion of Jun's earlier comment

"He said 'how do you know that he ain't a girl?'" translated the flat-topped motorcyclist

"Well, I thought I saw his salami" spoke Tiger

"Hey, what are you doing in this huddle?" questioned Kazuya in an irritated tone of voice

"Hey, I can't join yo' group Spikey?" the 1970's groovemeister replied

The sound of a Wind Godfist graced the ears of anyone within 5 miles again

"Excuse me!" spoke a voice

"Someone stop the pain!!!!!" cried Kazuya, getting sick of these mysterious voices

"Hoo hastard!" Lee mumbled angrily

"I happen to 'ave lost me way into the town," the voice spoke, in a British West Mids accent, "'Ave ya got directions?"

"IT'S DEAN EARWHICKER!" exclaimed the group

"Nah, it's Steve Fox!" Dean/Steve replied

"Oh" the team moaned

"Dean Earwhicker was a cool name!" spoke someone in the group

"Whoever said that is a dumbass" stated Kazuya

Marshall smirked at Paul
Paul looked back and raised a quizzical eyebrow

Forest looked at the two and raised a People's Eyebrow (there had to be a Rock reference hadn't there?)

"Hey, are ya gonna give me directions or am I gonna 'ave to beat some directions outta you?" the angered Steve spoke

"Nah, we'll tell you directions," spoke Kazuya slyly

"He has a plan." Jin whispered to Lee

"Hi ho hat hoo hit!" Lee whispered back through his throbbing jaw.

Kazuya continued

"We'll give you directions…but-"

"Oh no! Not another 'but'!" Steve moaned, "Each time there's a 'but' there's a catch!"

"No, there's no catches here," Kazuya started again, "But-"

Steve moaned again

"DAMMIT! Listen to me you nonce, or there'll be HELL TO PAY!!!"

"Ok, I'll listen" the silver-haired man whimpered

"NOT YOU LEE! DEAN!" the now-devilish Kazuya angrily informed Lee

"Hey! It's Steve Fox Purple-Boy!" the Brit boxer from Birmingham (maybe) angrily informed Devil-Kaz

K.M: Grrr

Er, Kaz-uya.

K.M: Better

"PURPLE BOY?!?!" Kazuya spoke in a confused tone, he then looked at himself in his portable mirror, "AH FU-

Kazuya looked at Jun, who was shaking her finger at him, seeming to say 'Uh-uh, no naughty language now, y'hear?'

"ER, AH FUZZLEPOPPLES!(?)" Kaz quickly concluded and turned back into normal Kazuya

"Anyway's, if you're not gonna give me directions then I'm leaving" Dean-er, Steve pouted and began to walk away

"Wait!" Jun called out, "You could be useful to us!"

Just as she said that, the rest of Team-I-am-an-American-Badass-on-my-motorbike (damn Paul!) laughed their socks off. After half an hour had past, the whole team found their socks and put them back on.

"Ok, how the hell am I gonna be useful to you?" Steve questioned

"Well, you could…er…umm…er…" Jun fumbled

"Forget it, he won't wanna join our group for totally-cool-people" Jin spoke

"Hey, I could join if I wanted to, but I don't!" Steve retaliated

"That's cos you're not cool, you're just a poofter!" Jin taunted, "Poofy-boy, poofy-boy, poofy-boy!"

"Dammit! I'll join," gave in De-er, Steve, "So long as that guy shuts the hole in his face up!"

"Easily remedied." Stated Kazuya, as he gave Jin's Gameboy Advanced™ back, which immediately engrossed the young teen

"Who's your friend anyway? We saw something crashed in front of us before we spotted you." Jun asked

"Oh, that's just some Ninja I spotted," Steve replied, "He's having a hard time learning how to drive. He keeps making his vehicles fly in the air then crash to the ground"

"Yoshi?" Tiger Jackson (or in Japanese, Taiga Jiyakuson) spoke

"Yep," spoke a voice from the mass of metal, "Tis I, Yoshimitsu!"

"Man! You look freaky since the last time I saw ya!" Tiger chuckled

"Blame Namco, cos of them, I have to change how I look in each game!" Yoshimitsu grumbled, "Nina and Anna can keep their looks but does Yoshi get to keep one look? Nooooooo!"

"Stop moaning you pillock!" Steve shouted at him, "Least you get paid a lot for it, I'm a new character so I hardly get anything!"

"I feel your pain," Forest sympathised, "Same happened with me in Tekken 3, and they didn't even invite me back into the fourth version!"

"We don't know that yet son," Forest's father, Marshall added, "You could be a time-release character"

"You're just saying that cos you're my dad, and you’re in Tekken 4 anyway!" Forest moaned, "I get no justice". Then he broke down crying, with Steve trying to console him

" DAMMIT, SHUT UP ALL OF YOU!" Kazuya yelled at the top of his lungs, his yell was so loud that it caused an earthquake in Sapporo, "We gotta keep moving on! Jun, what did the letter say?"

"The letter says 'You are closer to discovering who took your mail, try and catch me if you can, mwahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahhahaahhahahahahahahahahhahahahahahaahhaha. Signed Anonymous"

"We'll get him yet, the little b'stard!" Kazuya growled (and in unison with a different type of growl from Kuma).
 

And so, Dean Earwhicker/Steve Fox, Yoshimitsu and Tiger Jackson joined the merry band. In which Steve's job was to…er….do something. Yoshimitsu's job was to help with transportation and Tiger's job was to get down! Ah-ah-ah-ah stayin' aliiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiivvvvvve! Ahem, anyway, stayed tuned for the next part of 'The Quest for the Holy Mail: Searching for a Nutcase', where:
 

o Steve announces something very important

o A celebrity joins the group

o The group find some more letters

o Frumpy Caroline has an Unexpected Kerfuffle…wait, that's from the FCUK advert, man I need a drink! Where's my Coke? (Courtesy of 'The MTV(2) Tekken Awards' …..read 'The Tekken Play' instead, much more funnier)

To be continued…