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The episode opens with the Tekken Committee at....a meeting(surprise!).

"Okay, is everyone here?" asked Kazuya.

"Uh, I don’t know," answered Law.

"Me neither," answered Bryan.

Kazuya drummed his fingers on the desk for a moment, and smiled. "Well, if you were at all paying attention," he started as he grabbed a monkey wrench, "You’d notice that King—"

He struck Law with the monkey wrench, then pulled out a Philip’s Head screwdriver—

"—and Kat-zumi are not here!!!" Kazuya threw the screwdriver at Bryan, impaling him in his head.

"Oh, great! Thanks a lot!" complained Bryan as he placed his hand on the screwdriver to pull it out of his skull.

"Anyway, one thing remains," stated Kazuya. He cleared his throat, and bellowed:

 "WHERE IS KAT-ZUMI?"

"Uh, damn," Nina said monotonously.

"Wow, that was some big text," noted Yoshimitsu.

"What about King? He’s just as important—" started Law, but he was hit by a pair of pliers.

"King’s probably in some alley, drunk off his ass. Kat-zumi, on the other hand, is supposed to be here. See, she went out on one of her cat’s night out dealies, and she hasn’t returned since," explained the Committee leader.

Hwoarang sunk in his chair a bit.

"We looked all over her usual hangouts, but..." Jun started choking back her tears.

"It’s just a cat," muttered Paul. He was struck by a large box of Meow Mix.

"She’s our cute, cuddly, furry mascot, stupid-ass!" shouted Kazuya.

"And this is coming from the man who smuggled animals, too," Paul muttered again. Kazuya grabbed a mallet and smacked Paul with it.

"Anyway, like I was saying, we must find our mascot! I don’t think  I would be able to forgive myself if she were to remain missing forever." Kazuya frowned, but in a rather depressed manner. Then, he noticed how Hwoarang was continuously sinking in his chair.

"Bob—"

"DUDE!"

"That’s not my name!" Kazuya finished. "You seem awfully quiet about this. You know something about Kat-zumi’s disappearance, don’t you?"

Hwoarang shook his head. "No! I’m just sinking in my chair because it’s fun."

Kazuya sneered. "I’m sure."

"Dude, you have to believe me!" exclaimed Hwoarang as he flailed his arms rather wildly. Suddenly, a little bag fell from a pocket in his leather jacket, and onto the floor.

Kazuya raised an eyebrow.

Lei noticed the small bag, and picked it up—much to Hwoarang’s dismay.

"Oh, dude!" Hwoarang cried.

Lei studied the small bag.

"Well, that was a nice druggie our committee had, once," Julia said in advance.

"Interesting," said Lei as he finished studying the small bag. "This is—"

"Dude, no it’s not! It’s imported tobacco!" interrupted Hwoarang.

"Oh, give it up," groaned Michelle.

Lei lifted a puzzled brow. "Uh, you didn’t let me finish. What I was going to say was that this was catnip."

"Oh, okay," replied a relieved Hwoarang.

 He tossed the bag across the table, where it made a full stop in front of Kazuya. Kazuya gingerly picked up the small bag of catnip, and stared at it.

"Aw, shit," groaned Hwoarang.

"Out of the frying pan and into the fire, eh?" taunted Jin.

"Shut up, momma’s boy!" shouted Hwoarang.

" ‘Momma’s boy’? Whatever," replied Jin.

"Dude, would you stop saying ‘whatever’ like some fake-ass Squall?"

"Uh...who’s Squall?" Jin asked, raising a confused brow.

"That’s for you to find out," jeered Hwoarang as he lit up a marijuana joint.

"Whatever," muttered Jin.

Hwoarang was about to blow smoke in Jin’s face, when Kazuya placed a hand on his shoulder. Hwoarang turned around, only to stare at the dark brown eyes of the Committee Leader.

"Stop," said Kazuya.

Narrator: What?

"I thought I had black eyes."

Narrator: I suppose, but I have these pictures of you here, and they look more like a dark brown to me. See, see?

"Uh....huh. Whatever."

"Damn it, don’t you start that!" warned Hwoarang. Kazuya ignored him. Lee spoke up.

"Who are you talking to?" asked Lee. He was smacked by a carton of cigarettes.

"Nobody; have a cig," Kazuya snapped. He returned his attention to Hwoarang. "Did you happen to see Kat-zumi last night?"

"Uh, I saw a group of cats, if that’s what you want to know..."

Kazuya let out a frustrated sigh. "Well, was Kat-zumi among them?"

Hwoarang began to sweat rather nervously. "Well, uh, dude, can I plead the fifth?"

Kazuya sneered. "In this Committee, there IS no fifth."

A stupid grin came upon Hwoarang’s face. "Uh, well, for all you know, that could be imported tobacco in a catnip bag to throw off police!"

Kazuya paused. "Okay, that’s the worst attempt to change the subject that I have ever heard. If you don’t tell me where Kat-zumi is, I’m going to see to it that you never smoke another imported cigarette again."

"Dude!" cried Hwoarang. "Alright, alright. I saw Kat-zumi with her friends last night, and they were all just having a conversation, or something. They seemed pretty bored—dude, can cats get bored? Anyway, I decided to liven up their little party, so I offered them some catnip."

Kazuya’s shoulders fell an inch, a sullen expression on his face. His mouth began to twitch. "Heh, heh," he laughed.

"Heh, heh, heh," laughed Hwoarang, despite the fact he had no idea why the Committee president was laughing.

"Heh, heh, heh, heh, heh," laughed Kazuya.

"Heh, heh, heh, heh, heh, heh, heh, heh," laughed Hwoarang.

"Heh, heh, heh, heh, heh, heh, heh, heh, heh, heh, heh, heh," laughed Kazuya.

"Oh God, it’s like Beavis and Butt-head," groaned Julia.

"That is, like, totally juvenile," said Ling.

"Heh, heh, heh, heh, heh, heh, heh," laughed Hwoarang.

"Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha!" Kazuya laughed hysterically.

"Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha!!" Hwoarang laughed hysterically.

"Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha—YOU BASTARD!!!" shouted Kazuya as he put Hwoarang in a chokehold and initiated strangling. "You gave her CAT WEED!!!"

Jun, Nina, Jin, Julia, and Yoshimitsu tried their best to separate Kazuya from Hwoarang.

"He was probably too high to realize that catnip was cat weed!" reminded Nina.

"Careful, you could kill what precious few brain cells are left!" warned Jin.

Kazuya ignored the rest of the Committee as he continued to shake Hwoarang. It was at this time that Kat-zumi stumbled in.

"Kat-zumi!" cried Kazuya. He immediately dropped Hwoarang and ran up to the furry mascot and picked her up.

"Dude, the room’s all spinny...." moaned Hwoarang.

Kazuya scratched the mascot’s head. "Kat-zumi, are you okay? When you didn’t come home last night, Jun and I were so worried!"

"Mrowww...." groaned the mascot.

"Kat-zumi says she feels like crap," translated Jun.

"Nice to know she is telling us how she really feels," muttered Jin.

"Mrowww....meow....mrrrrrrr....." Kat-zumi groaned again.

"Kat-zumi thinks she’s going to throw up," Jun translated.

"Oh no! I just got the blood stains out of the carpet. To the windowsill with you," ordered Kazuya as he placed the mascot—

"Okay, stop."

Narrator: What now?

"She’s got a name, damn it! No more of this ‘mascot’ crap, okay?"

Narrator:  Okay, alright, sorry for trying to be a little creative....

"Alright, shall we finally start the meeting?" asked Kazuya.

"But what about King?" asked Michelle.

Kazuya shrugged his shoulders. "He’ll come whenever he feels, way I see it. Lee, read the memo for this week’s meeting, please."

Lee pulled out the memo book. "Thish week, we’re—"

"Get that damn cigarette out of your mouth!"

Lee spit his cigarette out. "Jeez, sorry! Anyway, this week, we’re—"

At this moment, King burst into the room.

"Wait! Don’t start! I’m here! I’m here!" he cried.

"Like, duh," replied Ling.

"King, may I ask where the HELL you were?" asked Kazuya.

King grinned sheepishly. "Well, believe it or not, I had to listen to the radio so I could win some movie passes."

Kazuya held a pedestal in his hand. "That’s the best you could do? It better be a damn good movie to make you late for this meeting."

King’s smile became more sheepish (if that’s possible). "Well, to me, it is."

"Spill it already!" exclaimed Bryan.

"Well...I got free movie passes to see ‘Josie and the Pussycats’."

The Committee was silent.

"Okay, and I thought Lei had problems," Bryan said to break the silence.

"Hey!" whined Lei.

Kazuya raised a confused brow. "Um...okay, you like that sort of thing?"

"I couldn’t resist! I can relate to those pussycats!" cried King.

"I don’t think I want to know how," Julia stated bluntly.

"Oh, it makes sense," said Jun. "They have cat tails and cat ears, just like King. That is right, right?"

King nodded. "It makes me feel much better about myself! I’ve felt like I was the only one in this harsh, cruel world that had this type of fashion sense!"

"Uh, what about  Armor King?" reminded Michelle.

King’s eyes widened. "Oh yeah...forgot about him."

Kazuya threw his arms into the air. "Whatever, just get your ass in your chair so we can start the damn meeting already. Lee, read, now."

Lee cleared his throat. "This week, we’re supposed to—"

At this time, a brick flew threw the window (not the one Kat-zumi was sitting by), shattering the glass and knocking Law out in the process.

"Dammit, I just had those windows fixed," complained Kazuya as he grabbed the brick. Tied to it was a note. Kazuya removed the note, tossed the brick aside (hitting Paul in the process)unfolded it, and read it.

" ‘I’m going to kill you’. OH MY GOD! Someone’s out to get me!" cried Kazuya as he waved the note around frantically. He took another look at the note. "Wait, no, this isn’t for me this time. Here, Yoshi." He tossed the note to the space ninja. His face fell (wait, is that even possible for him?).

"Oh, man...I don’t need this! Who would want to kill me?" Yoshimitsu asked.

Bryan’s hand shot up.

"Besides you."

"Oh." Bryan slowly lowered his hand.

"Well, let’s think for a moment here," said King. "Who is your biggest rival?"

"Easy. Kunimitsu."

"Then there you go!"

"Like, duh!" exclaimed Ling as she rolled her eyes.

"Okay, that was really difficult. Say, why would Kunimitsu want to kill you? Other than that kicking her out of your gang thing," asked Kazuya.

Yoshimitsu shrugged his shoulders. "I don’t really know...wait, I think it may have to do with this one incident...."

The Committee gathered around the mechanized space ninja.

"We’re listening!" exclaimed Anna.

Yoshimitsu appeared to be a little nervous. "I’m not sure if I should tell this story."

"Oh, come on! You can trust us!" exclaimed Nina.

Yoshimitsu shrugged his shoulders. "Okay, I suppose. But you all have to promise not to laugh, okay?"

"Whatever," said Jin.

"Damn, again!" shouted Hwoarang.

"Okay, this was a few months before the first Iron Fist Tournament came around," began Yoshimitsu.

"Kunimitsu was pretty pissed off that she was kicked out of the Manji clan, so she decided it would be funny to get back at me by playing a prank on me. So she snuck into my room one night, and snatched my sword. However, I didn’t realize that happened because she managed to put the sword back before I woke up.

"At least, I thought she put it back. And she did."

"So you just contradicted yourself," noted Bryan.

"Quiet, you! Anyway, I decided to go practicing with my sword, and it wouldn’t cut anything for some reason. I kept trying to cut stuff with it, but to no avail. I got frustrated and threw it, and the reverse side cut the piece of wood I kept trying to cut."

"So she reversed the blade on your sword," concluded King.

"A reverse-blade sword...that’s never been done before," Nina said as she grabbed a volume of the comic series, Rurouni Kenshin, and began to read it.

"Anyway," continued Yoshimitsu, "After spending a lot of money to undo the damage done to the blade, I decided to get back at her somehow. When the Iron Fist came, I heard she was going to participate in it. That’s where I got my plan for revenge. On the night before her fight with Michelle, I set her clock back a few hours and replaced the regular glass on the windows in her hotel room with tinted ones so she could think that it was still dark outside."

"Damn, you made her miss her match? That’s pretty harsh," replied Lee.

"Oh, she missed her match...in a way. I changed into a purple spandex suit, styled my hair into pigtails, and grabbed some kunai so I could play the part of Kunimitsu at the tournament."

Everyone’s jaws dropped.

"And here I thought that Kunimitsu was a man who got a sex change," said Paul.

"Explains why ‘she’ sounded exactly like Yoshi, was really flat-chested,  and fought the same as you did," added Nina.

"Also explains why Yoshi dyed his hair red," replied Kazuya.

"All that just because your sword’s blade was reversed? That’s sick, man, I may never look at you the same again," replied Bryan. "But that’s one hell of a prank."

Yoshimitsu grinned. "I know. I guess she’s still really pissed off about it."

"Well...maybe she’s pissed off at all of us for that fake beauty pageant a few months back," reminded Julia.

"Oh, damn...didn’t think about that," replied Yoshimitsu.

"Wait, but the note appeared to specify only one person," remarked Nina. "She would have said ‘I’m going to kill you ALL’ if it were meant for us."

"Seems you aren’t the dumb blond that you appear to be," retorted  Anna.

"At least I’m not full of silicone," Nina snapped in return.

"OHHHHH!!!" hollered Paul, Julia, Hwoarang, Michelle, Yoshimitsu, King, Lei, and Bryan.

"Damn!" exclaimed Kazuya.

"You...you bitch!" exclaimed Anna.

Nina scoffed. "Must be your first true attempt at making an insult—otherwise, it wouldn’t be so lame."

Anna decided to respond with a slap. Nina became really angry, grabbed Anna, and threw her across the room. She ran up to Anna, picked her up, and began smacking her like crazy.

"Oh, shit, this is great stuff!" exclaimed King as he opened up a can of beer.

"You think you and Julia could do something like that in hot oil?" Ganryu asked Michelle.

"Hell no," snapped Michelle.

"Alright, stop with this nonsense," said Kazuya. He then muttered, "It’s like we can’t go a meeting without those two trying to rip each other’s heads off anymore..."

The two sisters continued to fight, and the usual spectators were making their bets. Kazuya began to get angry (wait, let me rephrase that--)

"That’s not funny," snapped Kazuya. He returned his attention to the fight. "ALRIGHT, THAT’S IT, I’M JUMPING IN AND—"

He was interrupted by another brick thrown through the same window. Everyone was silent, and order was restored in the room.

Kazuya remained silent for a moment, so he could contemplate what just occured.  When he was through, he finally turned his attention towards the brick.

"Damn, who the hell is throwing bricks through my window now?" Kazuya asked himself as he snatched up the brick, and grabbed the folded note. He unfolded the note, and glanced at it. "Oh, this isn’t important," he replied coldly as he crumbled the note and tossed it over his shoulder.

"Wait, what did it say?" asked Lee. Before Kazuya had a chance to snatch the note and set it on fire, the  Committee had already read it.

"Hey, this is pretty serious!" stated Jun as she looked at Kazuya.

Kazuya’s jaw fell. "How can you say that?"

"Uh, because your father has been kidnapped?" Jun asked rhetorically.

Kazuya scoffed. "How do you know it’s even my dad? It could be Forest’s dad for all we know—"

"It clearly says Heihachi’s name on the note," Jun stated bluntly.

Kazuya sneered. "Well, why would you want us to save him, anyway? He’s caused us all hell at one point or another!"

Jun was about to argue this, but she realized there was nothing worth arguing about. "True..."

Julia quickly stood up in her chair. "I think we SHOULD rescue Heihachi!" She held up a determined fist.

The Committee all gave her a weird glance.

"Uh, are you smoking something?" asked Law.

"Julia, do you realize what you’re saying?" asked Jin.

"Yes I do! See, if we don’t save Heihachi, who are we going to beat up?"

"Paul?" suggested Kazuya.

"No, someone who really, really deserves it," clarified Julia.

"Yeah. That’s Paul," replied Kazuya.

Paul sneered. "While I disagree that I deserve a beat down, I do agree that old man Mishima needs to get his ass wailed on by us."

Kazuya sighed. "Alright then. Our new objective this week is... to rescue...Heihachi. But I get first dibs on wailing on his ass!"

The Committee cheered.

"Uh...but who kidnapped him?" asked Michelle.

Silence.

"Aw, Lei should be good at that. He’s a detective, after all," answered Kazuya. At this point, Lei woke up.

"Huh? Someone mention my name?" Lei asked groggily.

Kazuya glared at the Super Cop. "Well, there goes that."

Before the Kazuya could continue looking for a solution, another brick flew through the already broken window, and smacked Kazuya on the head.

"Uh-oh, here we go again," sighed Lee.

Kazuya immediately stood up. "Bricks the already with enough!!!" He grabbed the brick and smacked it onto his head.

"Just what the hell is up with these people throwing their damn bricks with their damn notes through my #@$%ing window?!" He demanded as he grabbed the brick, and forcefully removed the note attached to it. His eyes searched the words on the paper, and suddenly his eyes became ridiculously wide.

"What’s wrong?" asked Jun.

Kazuya was in such shock that he continued to stare at the note.

"Allow me!" Nina snatched the note from the Committee leader’s hands.

"Okay, would you stop that?" requested Kazuya.

Narrator: Stop what?

"Stop using synonyms for me! It’s ‘Kazuya’. ‘KAZUYA’! None of this ‘Committee Leader’ and ‘Committee President’ and whatever the hell else that you an come up with crap!"

Narrator: Well, gee, sorry!

"Uh, Kazuya—" started Lee, but a threatening glance from Kazuya immediately shut up the Silver Haired—

"A-HEM."

--immediately shut up Lee.

"Better. Alright, back to whatever it was we were doing...oh, right. Nina took the note."

"That I did," replied Nina. She cleared her throat. " ‘Dear Mr. Mishima: We at the Language Board regret to inform you that your swearing license has been temporarily suspended due to lack of payments for said license. We suggest you take care of this matter immediately. Until you restore your license, any offensive and/or vulgar word/phrase you let slip out will cost you a fine of twenty dollars per obscenity.’ "

"Dude, that sucks," replied Hwoarang.

"Hey, since when did you have a swearing license anyway?’ Julia asked rather skeptically.

Kazuya sighed. "Well, let’s just say they happened to be within the vicinity when Paul and I had a contest to see who could curse each other out the worst, and the winner was nailed by the Language Board."

"Like, that is sooo immature!" exclaimed Ling as she rolled her eyes.

"Oh man, this will be sweet," Paul declared with a grin on his face.

"They only suspended my swearing license, not my violence license," reminded Kazuya in a threatening tone.

"Like that scares me," retorted Paul.

Kazuya smacked Paul with a toolbox. "Alright, so we have to rescue my dad while I get my license un-suspended, and I guess Yoshimitsu here will attend to his unfinished business with that Kunimitsu lady. Hey Kat-zumi, how are you feeling?"

Kat-zumi hacked up some hairballs.

"Never mind," Kazuya quickly replied. "I guess since we don’t know who kidnapped my dad, the rest of you can stay here while I get my license back, and Yoshimitsu does his thing. Maybe his kidnapper will call with some sort of ransom, in which you say ‘He—’  I mean, ‘No way’! God, that sounds so lame."

Paul snickered.

"Anyway," Kazuya continued through clenched teeth, "Just try to find out who kidnapped him, okay?" Kazuya headed for the door.

"Hey, who’s gonna lead us while you’re out?" asked Michelle.

Kazuya stopped in his tracks. "Well, uh...gee, I don’t know. Let’s see...Okay, I know how to decide this. I’ll close my eyes, and whoever I point at will be the temporary leader of the Committee during my absence. If I point at Jin, let me know, Michelle, so I know not to choose him."

"Will do," replied Michelle.

"That’s not funny," muttered Jin. Jun simply shook her head.

"Jun, sweetie, if you could look after Kat-zumi, I would greatly appreciate it. I am rather worried about her."

"No problem," replied Jun.

Kazuya walked up to her and whispered, "And keep her the he—heck away from that da-arn junkie."

"Dude, I’m not a junkie!" exclaimed Hwoarang.

"Alright. Good luck getting your license back. I know it’s difficult for you to not swear," comforted Jun as she hugged Kazuya.

"WHOOOOOO!!!" exclaimed Yoshimitsu, King, and Bryan. Lei pouted. Kazuya hit them all with large bottles of cold  water.

"Now then, to choose our temporary leader," Kazuya said to himself.

"You know, you could have just appointed the vice-president temporary leader and made it easier on yourself," noted King. Kazuya simply turned and glared at him.

"Michelle, please be sure I don’t choose King either."

King let out a sad groan and hung his head in shame.

Kazuya shut his eyes, and starting pointing at random people. He pointed at Paul, Anna, Lee, Law, King, Bryan, Ganryu—

"Is this good?" Kazuya asked.

"No, you’re pointing at Jin," lied Michelle.

"No he’s not—" started Jin and Ganryu, but Julia covered Jin’s mouth and Michelle threw an ax at Ganryu, keeping him from correcting her.

Kazuya continued to point at random people, and when he felt like it was time to stop (actually, he was starting to get a little dizzy), he opened his eyes.

"Congratulations, you’re our temporary leader, Nina."

Nina pointed at herself in surprise. "Well, I’m really flattered...but can I really lead this Committee?"

"No," muttered Anna.

Nina pulled Anna’s chair from underneath her, knocking her sister down. "Who the hell asked you?"

Kazuya grinned. "I think you’ll do just fine. In fact, you can sit in my chair to get comfortable—but not too.  And anyway, you just have to have common sense. That’s all it takes to doing this job, and NO SNIDE COMMENTS, MR. PHOENIX!" exclaimed Kazuya. Paul snickered.

Kazuya concluded; "Alright, I’ll be back later. If there’s any new information regarding daddy’s whereabouts, do let me know." With that being said, the leader—

"AHEM."

--KAZUYA left the Committee meeting room.

There was an awkward silence.

"Um...well...since I’m the leader, I suppose we should just wait for Heihachi’s kidnapper(s) to call," declared Nina. She glanced around the room. "Yoshi, why are you still here?"

Yoshimitsu looked up from his laptop. "Huh? Oh...I was just e-mailing my Manji crew."

"You’re going to get your gang involved in this?" asked Ganryu.

"No! I was just letting them know that they better not eat my dinner! You know how many times my dinner’s been eaten? I swear, riches isn’t the only thing my gang’s notorious for ‘stealing’..."

"Dude, you steal department stores?’ asked Hwoarang. The whole Committee just shot him a weird look. "Dude, I’m not paying attention! I just thought that’s what he was talking about!"

"Like, he’s talking about gold, money, and jewels; like, he’s so not talking about the department store! Duh!" clarified Ling.

Yoshimitsu closed his laptop. "Alright, I’m headed out. Hopefully I can settle the score with Kunimitsu, and still return in one piece." He pulled out his Yoshimitsu blade, and then disappeared in a puff of smoke.

"Dude!" exclaimed Hwoarang as he pointed at the spot where Yoshimitsu was just standing.

"Here it comes," groaned Jin.

"It’s GREEN!" He exclaimed.

"Well, that’s different...sort of," stated Julia.

"Yeah, whatever...alright, Committee! We’re going to sit here and wait for Heihachi’s kidnapper to call!" declared Nina.

The Committee was silent for the next three minutes.

Hwoarang stared at the wall, Ling filed her fingernails, Julia and Jin made out quietly, Michelle sharpened her axe, Jun stroked Kat-zumi, King, Bryan, and Ganryu were playing with Yoshimitsu’s laptop, Anna admired herself in a mirror, Lei was daydreaming about Jun, Lee smoked, Law played with a yo-yo, Paul combed his hair, and Nina just drummed her fingers on the desk.

"Let’s play a game or something," suggested the temporary leader—

"Don’t you start that with me now!" warned Nina.

Narrator: Hold up, I thought only Kazuya could see what I wrote!

Nina shrugged her shoulders. "Must be one of the perks for being a temporary leader."

"Hey, if that’s true, then why didn’t I get those perks?’ asked Jin.

"Because nobody likes you, dude," replied Hwoarang.

"Whatever," retorted Jin.

"DAMMIT!" shouted Hwoarang. "Stop saying that!!"

"Can we please come up with a game?" Nina reminded in an annoyed tone.

"How about Clue? I can show off my mad detective skills in that!" declared Lei.

"More like sad detective skills;  I beat you fifty times straight last week," reminded Bryan. Lei fell over in embarrassment.

"I’ll play Clue with Lei, but only if I get to be Miss Scarlet," said Anna.

"Because you’re both scarlet harlots?" Nina asked rhetorically.

"I’d kick your ass if you weren’t temporary leader," seethed Anna.

"Yeah, well, tough cookies."

"I have a great idea for a game," announced Paul.

"I’m listening," replied Nina.

"Okay, the game will be called, ‘Make Kazuya Cuss’. The object of the game is, to, well...make Kazuya cuss!"

The Committee all stared at Paul silently.

"My father curses if you tell him you breathed on his purple suit," said Jin.

"It’d be that easy then!" exclaimed Paul.

"That’s a terrible game!" exclaimed Jun. "Don’t take advantage of Kazuya like this!"

"Please, it’s just fun and games," replied Paul.

"Yeah, until someone ends up in a full body cast," reminded Lee. "And let’s also remember that it’s only 20 dollars an obscenity. Of course, that’s less than pocket change to Kazuya."

"So it’s a good idea?" asked Paul impatiently.

"Well, yeah!" exclaimed Lee. "Any opportunity to screw around with my brother shouldn’t be left untaken!"

"Uh..." said Bryan.

"What?" asked Lee.

" ‘Any opportunity to screw around with my brother’? Man, that sounds so—"

"DON’T EVEN START!" shouted Lee.

Nina rolled her eyes. "This is going to be a looooong meeting."

Suddenly,  Kazuya’s phone rang. Jun picked it up.

"Hell, Ms. Kazama speaking...oh, Heihachi, it’s you(the sounds of the Committee dropping everything to listen in were heard)...yes? You’re WHERE?! Oh my. I’ll be sure to tell him this right away." She hung up the phone.

"So where is the old bastard?" asked Nina.

Jun took a deep breath. "He’s..."
 
 

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Kazuya had approached the headquarters of the Language Board.

"Now then, I’ll just step inside, give them enough money to get off my assssphalt for a long while, and continue living my life. Yeah, that’s the plan," he said with a smile of self-satisfaction. He walked up to the door, placed his hand on the handle, and pulled.

"Great," he muttered to himself. "Locked. That means that they are—"

The sign on the door read "Closed".

"Aw, shit-TZU that just figures," he groaned. "Wait, there’s more written on the sign." He read it aloud to himself:

" ‘The Language Board is no longer residing at this address. We apologize for the inconvenience, but we hope to continue to serve your needs at the new address. To learn of our new location, please write down the phone number listed below this message. We hope to hear from you again soon.’"

Kazuya wrote the number down on his hand. "This is such bullshIFT. And even better, I left my phone at the Committee room. What a wonderful day I am having. I am so going to kick my father’s assssparagus when this is all said and done."
 
 

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"I spy...something red," declared Julia.

"Hrm....Anna’s dress?" asked Jun.

"Nope!"

"The feather on Michelle’s headband?" asked Law.

"Nope!"

"Like, these stains on the carpet?" asked Ling.

"Wrong!...hrm, Kazuya will be pissed when he sees those too..."

"Dude! Kazuya’s eyes when he does that Devil thing?" asked  Hwoarang.

"Kazuya’s not even in here," reminded Julia.

"Oh....."

"Kat-zumi’s collar!" exclaimed Jun excitedly.

"Yes! Now it’s your turn," said Julia.

"Alright...I spy...something...yellow," declared Jun.

"We are sooo bored," complained Nina.

"You want to play?" asked Jun.

"Yes!" she exclaimed. "Is it Ling’s ribbon?"

"No."

"Damn!" cursed Nina.

"Meow?" suggested Kat-zumi.

Jun shook her head. "Not that, either."

"Paul’s hair?" asked Law.

"Uh-uh."

"How about King’s mask?" asked Julia.

"Not that either—"

"Oh, hell yes!" exclaimed King.

The Committee all looked in King, Bryan, and Ganryu’s direction.

"What did you find?’ asked Lei.

Bryan snickered. "Porn."

"Of course," Michelle replied.

"But it’s a different kind of porn!" declared Ganryu.

"In other words, it’s group porn rather than individual porn?" Julia asked rhetorically.

"No...it’s KITCHEN APPLIANCE PORN!" exclaimed King.

"WHAT?!?!" exclaimed the Committee in unison. Everyone (even Jun) gathered around the laptop to see this new kind of porn.

"Huh, huh, huh...those toasters are stacked on top of each other," said Hwoarang.

"Hey, is that a threesome between two blenders and a juicer?" asked Julia. She took a closer look at the screen. "It is! My goodness!"

"You should see the teen can opener sluts," suggested Bryan. He took the page to the teen can opener sluts page.

"I had no idea can openers could do that," Nina stated.

"Teen can opener sluts at that," added Michelle.

"You should also see the cake mixers section. They like to mix it up with toaster ovens and bread makers, if you know what I mean," King added with a wink and a grin.

"Who comes up with this stuff?" asked Jun.

"Who cares?" replied Lee. "This is pretty good stuff, in a screwed up, what-the-hell kind of way."

"Hey, we should show this to Kazuya," suggested Paul.

"Oh no we aren’t!" exclaimed Jun as she shut the laptop.

"Show me what?"

The Committee all turned to face Kazuya, who stood in the doorway.

"Hey, Kazuya! We were just talking about you!" exclaimed Paul.

Kazuya gave Paul a suspicious look. "Why do I have the feeling something really bad happened? Nina?"

"Nothing went wrong...well, not yet, anyway," she answered.

Kazuya nodded. "So, what is it that you all wanted to show me, anyway?"

"Look at the laptop, man. There’s some great stuff on there," answered Paul with a suspicious grin on his face.

Kazuya grabbed the laptop. Jun looked on cautiously. He was about to open it, when—

"If this is a Kazuya hate page...I’m going to drop you into the Grand Canyon, got that?" warned Kazuya.

"Whatever, man, just look at the damn thing!" Paul exclaimed impatiently.

Kazuya rolled his eyes, and opened up the laptop. His facial expressions illustrated what his thoughts were on the page. After five minutes of this, he closed the laptop, and took a deep breath. Paul was the most anticipant of the incoming obscenity.

"That. Page. Is. Weird. Really, really, weird," Kazuya finally said. Paul almost fell over.

"But it’s great, right?" asked King. "Where else can you find slutty can openers, eh?"

Kazuya nodded very slowly. "You are all really strange people, you know that?"

"Well, since you’re back, you’re leader again, right?" asked Nina.

"Not yet. Turns out the Language Board moved, and the only way for me to find the address is to call their hotline."

"Yay!" cheered Nina. Kazuya glared at her.

"I mean, ‘yay, I hope all goes well with you on that.’ Really," she quickly added.

While Kazuya dialed the hotline, Paul thought of another way to make Kazuya swear.

"Great. I’m on hold," said Kazuya.

 Suddenly Paul had an idea.

"Hey Kazuya, you look really gay in that purple suit!" he shouted.

It was as if time stopped. Everyone stopped what they were doing, and the only sound heard was that of Lee’s cigarette hitting the floor. Lei, Bryan, Julia, Law, Michelle, Ganryu, King, Lee, and Jin dove behind chairs. Everyone else slowly backed away from the two.

"Say good-bye to your friend, Law," reminded Michelle.

"Okay...Good-bye Paul!" said Law as he waved his hand. He then stopped to think about something. "Hey, wait! He still owes me and my dad some money! Don’t kill him just yet!"

Kazuya ignored him. "I...beg your pardon? I...look...gay? In the purple suit? Paul, let me tell YOU something..."

Paul grinned. "Lay it on me!"

"Huh, huh. ‘Lay’," snickered King.

"Someone call my name?" asked Lei.

"No, LAY," King clarified.

"That’s my name!" exclaimed Lei.

"Dumb-ass, he’s talking about the WORD lay," snapped Bryan.

"Oh, right. Sorry," apologized Lei.

Everyone rolled their eyes.

Kazuya shrugged his shoulders, then leaned towards Paul’s ear to whisper something to him: "Nice. Try."

Paul looked very surprised. "Huh?"

Kazuya put Paul into a headlock. "Do you honestly think I can’t go even five minutes without cursing?"

"Yes," answered Bryan. He was struck by a pole. "Ow."

"Come on, give me a little credit here, people!" exclaimed Kazuya as he tossed Paul aside. "You all don’t think I’m capable of having good self control, do you? You all make me so very sad, and—ah, finally.

"Yes, I need to know the new location of the Language Board. Uh-huh....uh-huh...yes, I am writing this down...uh-huh...say what?! Ohhhh, shit, I mean, @#$%, I mean son of a bitch—DAMMIT! Oh shit—damn it again—oh hell—I mean, oh shit, damn it, mother @#$%@#!---damn it—shit—damn it again—oh, hell—shit!-god damn it—no,  aw, SHIT!—I mean...AAAAAAGH!" Kazuya hung up the phone, and threw it at Paul, smacking him in the head.

"Anybody count that?" asked Law.

King just finished writing the tally down. "I sure did! Kazuya just let seventeen obscenities slip out, which will cost him exactly...let’s see, multiply that times this...only three-hundred and forty dollars!"

"Thank you, King," Kazuya replied through gnashed teeth.

"So much for self-control, huh?" King asked with a grin. Kazuya’s only response was hurling a bowling ball at the wrestler.

"So where will they be located?" asked Jun.

Kazuya sneered. "America."

"Hey, what a coincidence!" exclaimed King. "That’s where Heihachi’s being held hostage!"

Kazuya glared at King, then turned away to face a wall. "I bet the Language Board is behind all this...it’s spite, I tell you. S-P-I-T-E!"

"Dude, Sprite?" asked Hwoarang. "Image is nothing! Thirst is everything! Obey your thirst!"

"Uh...okay," said Julia.

"I think this whole Committee needs to see the Language Board or something," muttered Bryan.

"Alright, Committee, pack your bags, because we’re going on a one-way trip to America," declared Kazuya. "We’ll be flying in my private jet, so that means if you leave a mess of any kind in there, I will hurl you out of my private jet, understood?"

The Committee nodded. Kazuya looked at Kat-zumi.

"Will you be alright for this,  Kat-zumi?"

"Meow," purred Kat-zumi. Suddenly, she jumped up to the windowsill, and hurled.

"Maybe you should take care of her," Kazuya advised to Jun. He looked at his watch. "Alright then! We’ll be meeting at the jet in an hour!"

"Damn, I’m gonna get the jet-lag from Hell," complained Michelle.

"I’ll see to it that that doesn’t happen!" declared Ganryu.

"You stay away from me," warned  Michelle.

Kazuya tapped his foot. "What the hel--l--l—per are you all standing around here for?! Let’s move it!"

The Committee all scurried out of the room, some excited about the trip, some weary, and some anxious. Kazuya and Lee remained in the room.

"Lee, memo."

"On it." Lee pulled out a pen and memo pad.

"One: pay fines. Two: Beat Paul with his own motorcycle. Three: Find some way for Jin to stop saying "whatever" so darn much."

Lee looked up from his memo pad. "You think that’s okay?"

Kazuya faced Lee. "Hmm? Oh, I’ll try not to break the bike too badly over his head...actually, with all that hair, it might cause the bike to rebound off of his hair and hit me...hrm...I’ll go for the stomach, then. Yeah."

"I was referring to Jin—"

Before Lee could finish, a scream was heard.

"WHY THE HELL ARE THERE HAIRBALLS ON MY MOTORCYCLE?!?!"

Kazuya and Lee looked at each other for a minute, then Kazuya smiled. "Lee, scratch #2, will you?"

"Done."

Kazuya sighed. "Shall we get going?"

Lee shrugged his shoulders. "I guess so. Man, it’ll be nice going back to America..."

Kazuya glared at Lee. "Shut up."

"What? Oh...right. You’re still upset that dad sent me to America and not you?"

Kazuya glared at Lee, but with Devil eyes.

"Okay, okay, just asking, sorry!"
 

TO BE CONTINUED....
 
 

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AND NOW, A WORD FROM KAZUYA MISHIMA

"First off, I do not have Tourette’s Syndrome, and my attempts to not swear were laughable—I think we all knew I was going to break down and swear anyway, especially under the absurd circumstance that they moved to another continent. And since when would I want to waste precious time in a swearing contest with a ruffian like Mr. Phoenix, anyway? And honestly, I doubt catnip would make a cat THAT high. Oh, and the less said about the Appliance Porn bit, the better.

"Also, Jin really is overusing the word ‘whatever’. Hopefully, something will be done about this. And then the Committee’s game of ‘I Spy’...some of us are a bit too bored. And what the hell was up with King wanting to see, of all movies, ‘Josie and the Pussycats’? I guess that’s Saiyan Rage’s absurd sense of humor.

"Saiyan Rage would like to apologize for taking her time to work on this episode...she had a nasty case of writer’s block, so that delayed the release of this episode for a little while, and now she has computer problems...nasty problems, but she is glad to have finished this episode.

"Well, it is time for me to head out. I shall leave another message in the next *is handed something* what’s this? *reads note* I thought it did not count if I swore in these things! MOTHER...no...I won’t say it...you all almost got me there. *deep breath* Until Next Time..."
 
 

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NEXT EPISODE: The Committee goes to America! Will they be able to save Heihachi and survive the jet lag? Will Kazuya be able to swear again, or will his fines hit over six figures before he is able to get his license back? Will Kat-zumi be okay? Will King, Bryan, and Ganryu find more weird and bizarre porn? And what of Yoshimitsu? Find out in TEKKEN COMMITTEE: The Committee Takes on America! (Rejected title: Tekken Committee Does America)

(AUTHOR'S NOTE: The Appliance porn bit is a parody of an existing page known as www.furniture-porn.com. Funny stuff, really.)

(or is it www.furnitureporn.com? Oh well, whatever.)