By Red Tiger. Final Fantasy is copyright Squaresoft, Tekken copyright Namco. If I owned these games I would be one rich bugger. Anyway, Tiger out, time for the fic.

Jin: Damn, I’m not gonna be in anything that Tiger is setting up…..the guys got turned into chickens last time.

Bob: No *cluck* kidding.

Kaz: Whatever. Hey, you know that she’s holding a tournament? FF against Tekken?

Lee: No. But it’s not odd.

Jin: Yeah, it had to happen, she’s been playing FF9 more than Tekken recently.

Lee:…..Is that a good thing?

Jin: I dunno.

Unknown Voice: Mhahahahahaha! Fools!

Bob: Whassat?!

Unknown voice: You don’t know me?

Bob: Err…….no……..It says here that you’re unknown for the mo.

U.V: Where?

Bob: On the script.

U.V: What script?

Bob: You know, the thing that Tiger makes us do stupid stuff on.

U.N.V: Silence! I will not tolerate your insolence!

Bob: Jeez, you sound like Dr. Evil.
 
U.N.V: I’m evil enough……

Out of the shadows comes…….Sepiroth!

Bob: Mommy!!!!!!!!!!!! *Jumps into Jin’s arms*.

Jin: This is soooooo embarrassing……..

Bob: Dude! He's like the evilest guy ever!!!!!!!

Kaz: Well, bet he can’t beat me.

Sep: Oh yes I can.

Kaz: Oh no you can’t.

Sep: Yes I can.

Kaz: Can’t!

Sep: Can!

Kaz: Can’t!

Sep: Can!

Kaz: Can’t infinite!!!
 
Sep: Can infinite and one!!!

Kaz: Hmph.

Sep: Hahaha! Anyway I know you fools don’t know why Tiger is holding this contest, but I do, nyanya!

Kaz: In that case why don’t you tell us, smartass.

Sep: I don’t have to, it’s on this poster. *Passes them sheet of paper*.

Kaz *reading it*: A competition between Tekken and Final Fantasy will be held tomorrow. This tournament will decide if Final Fantasy characters or Tekken ones are better? WTF?

Lee: Man, Tiger is serious about this.

Sep: Oh yeah, I got that yesterday.

All of the guys are like O_O.

Sep: But it starts in about 10 minutes.

Lee: Where is it?

Sep: Not too far, you’ll know it when you see it.

Kaz: Thanks!!!

The guys run like hell has frozen over.

Sep: Run guys, run!!!!!!!!

Later, well, not much later, only 5 minutes. I need a new stop clock.

Lee: *Puff* He said we couldn’t miss it *pant*.

Kaz looks around, and bingo, he sees it.

Kaz: There!!!!!!

He points to a funfair kind of thing, only it looks more formal. And it has “Supported by the Groupie Foundation” on one of its banners. Yes, I have no idea why that’s up there just yet. I’m coming to it.

Lee: Yep, this is the place. Groupies……*flips hair*.

Inside the convention/funfair/ whatever you want to call it, Tiger is not happy. She is sipping a strawberry fanta, and wondering why the hell she got the groupies to sponsor her.

Tiger: *Sigh*……There is a good side to this, I think…..

Jin: *Puff* Hi Tiger. Hey, you look happy.

Tiger: Happy? Happy? Oh…….I remember that…gone now….

Tiger climbs up onto stage.

Lee: *Smoking* Why is shte so upshet?

Kaz: Spit that out Lee.

Lee: Killsh joy.

Jin: I have a good idea that the groupies forced her into this.

Lee: Groupies, eh? *Flicks back hair like a model*.

Kaz: You are such a prat. All girls like badasses.

Lee: Oh no they don’t.

Kaz: Oh yes they do.

Lee: Don’t!

Kaz: Do!

Lee: Don’t!!

Jin: Brotherly love………who the hell invented that phrase? They won’t beat me, I’ve seen all the shrines to me……..

Tiger taps mic.

Tiger: One, two. Testing: Tekken rocks. Hang on, is this thing on?

Paul and Forrest are backstage.

Paul: Hmmm…..Dennis the Menace is good this week.

Forrest: You read the Beano?

Paul: Yeah, why are you askin’ man?

Law: Sigh…….I could have been put in one of the fanfics  as a main guy, but no, even though I’m one of Tiger’s faves, I’m put with Vanilla Ice over here…..

Paul: Shut up man, she’ll have a good part for you soon…….

Law: *Sniff*.

Squall: Whatever. You know Tiger is looking rather annoyed at this moment in time.

Paul: What do you mean, scar head?

Squall: I mean that the mic isn’t turned on.

Law: Oh damn!!!!! Paul!!! You were supposed to turn that on!!!!!!

Paul scrambles over to the machine.

Paul: I’ve just gotta turn it up. *He turns it up waaaaayyyy too much*.
 
There is a loud screeching sound all over the place, you know, when the mic isn’t working properly………Ouchies…..

Cloud: The…….noise…….its too much………

Barret: Shut up spiky haired foo’!!!

 Bob: Which one? We have plenty of them.

All the Mishimas: Shut up long haired foo’!!!!!

Bob: Hmph….My world for a new catch phrase…….

Back onstage…..
 

Tiger: Oww…..Zidane, memo: Kill Paul later.

Zidane: Right.  Should I get Bob?

Tiger: I’ve got loads of guys who could beat the hell out of him. I’ll call you then.

Zidane: Got it.

Tiger: Ahem. Ladies and Gents, monsters and scientists, welcome to the one and only battle of the games! Final Fantasy v. Tekken!!

Silence. Tumble weed goes past.

Squall: Whatever.

Tiger: Let the games begin!!!!!!!!
 

The Drinking contest.

Tiger : And your host today is……

Lee: Moi!

Silence from crowd still. Bloody tumbleweeds are back.

Lee: Oh, come on!!!!!

Feeble yay from crowd.

Lee: Sigh…. That’ll do. First up is the drinking contest. Our contestants are: King!

Tekken fans are cheering like hell…….either that, or you get Vanilla Ice…..hm….what a tough choice…….

King: I will rock you, Jaguar style!!!!!

Lee: Irvine, from FF8!

Irvine: This is for all those pretty ladies out there!

Screams from crowd.

Lee: From San Francisco, Paul Phoenix!!

Paul: I’ll wipe all ya wimps out!!!

Why is it so unnaturally quite from the stands?

Tiger: Watch your ass Phoenix.

Paul: Ulp….O_O.

Lee: And a favourite to the FF7 fans, Reno of the Turks!!!!!!!

The stands with the Reno supporters nearly break…..popular little git…..

Reno: Red heads rock dudes!

Tiger: Hell yes!

Lee: The rules are:* Tiger whispers in his ear* Uh….. The first guy to be down on the ground after 5 beers, loses, and Sepiroth gets to wail on his ass, and anyone else who cares to as well.

Reno: Oohhhh, cool, it won’t be me, granted.

While this is happening, Bob is spiking Paul’s beers…. Yes, sinister revenge is at hand……….Mhahahahahahahahahahaha - ahem.

 Lee: Ready?

King: Hell yes!!!!!! Heineken!!!!! Yay, go Tiger!!!!!
 

Backstage.
 
Jin: You didn’t pay for those beers Tiger, who did?
Tiger: Lets just say that there are walking, talking, breathing banks around here.

Rufus: Heh.

Tiger: Ok…….walking, talking, breathing hot banks?

Rufus: That’s better………..I think……..

Heddiger (There’s a Monty Python song with that name in…….and they way they describe it kind of suits him……- Tiger): Gyahahahahahahaha!

Rufus: Shut up, or I’ll cut your salary.

Jin: Why does the King of Cellulite have that stupid laugh anyway?

Back to where mayhem will break lose…….get the camera, this is gonna be good………

Lee: Steady?

Irvine: Get on with it you rube!

Lee: Drink!!!!!

(Kaz on the commentating).

Kaz: And its Reno with the first drink down, starting to have a few laughs, Irvine flirting with the girls……ooh, nice dress on that one *clang*( the sound of a frying pan, see Red Tiger the first, only at your local Tekken Land website)………Oww………head…….hurts………

Lee: Hehehehe! *clang*.

Jun: Men………god, you would think they would learn…….*pulls them off*.

Paul, is now one hell of a drunk man.

Paul: Shish is good shtuff.

Reno: He got the spiked stuff! That’s not fair!

Paul is heading towards the edge of the stage. He's wobbling…getting unstable…

Kaz: AND HE'S GONE OVER THE EDGE! HE'S FALLEN!

Lee: Aren’t we supposed to be unconscious?

Kaz: My mind knew that Paul was gonna lose, I wouldn’t miss his ass being kicked for anything *clang*.
 

On TV screen: Jun- 3  Mishimas-0, Tiger-2  Paul- 1 Sepiroth- 2

Lee: Uh……moving on……*Paul runs past screaming, Sepiroth with masmune not that far behind him (Sep: Mhahahahahaha!!!!!! I shall become one with the fanfic!)……* ahem……

Squall: It can’t get much worse than this.

Jin: It can, trust me.

Steve, underground (see first fanfic…..): I’ll second that…..stop moving around in there!!!!!

Jin: O-O

Squall: O-o
 
Bob: Dude…..its gonna be one of those days…..

Lee: Uh……*looks at paper* Right, so the next thing is the voting!!!!

Jin: Voting?

Lee: Yup.

Jin: We are so dead at the end of this.
 

The voting: the most disliked character in both games.

In the men’s loos…….I’m just gonna imagine here, I will not step a foot into one of those places. (Jin: You look like a boy with that short haircut. OOOOOOOHHHH MATE!!!!!OOOOWWWWWWW!!!!!) Ahem. I’m just taking a note out of Nina’s book,  excuse me……

Ganyru: Oh, god, I’ve got a spot……

Kuja: You got loads of them, fat-ass.

Ganyru *not looking at him*: Shut up.

Hojo walks in, takes one look at Kuja, and……

Hojo: GIRL IN THE BOYS LOOS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Kuja: What the hell?…….

Hojo: Gaaaaaaaahhhhh!!!!!*Runs out*.

Ganyru: *Looks up* Well, hello there……

Kuja: Sigh……why me?

Seymour (for all you uninformed people, he's the Bad guy from FFX) walks in: Why was Hojo running around like a headless chocobo?( Sorry here, chocobos, for all you people who haven’t played FF, are yellow birds).

Kuja: Don’t know. Do  you think this dress suits me?

Seymour: It looks lovely! How about mine?

Kuja: Stunning!
 

BBC: We interrupt this fanfic to get you some news. That had nothing to do with the story line of this at all.

Everyone: Oh yes it did!

BBC: Oh no it didn’t!
 

Onstage
 
On the massive TV screen, there is the picture of Combot (poor sod), Hojo (yuck, yuck, belch) and Heihachi (axes anyone?).
Lee: So the voting stands at : Combot, 256. Hojo, 567. Heihachi , 567.

Jin: It’s a tie.

Bob: My, aren’t we clever?

Jin: Shut up foo’. I have a cunning plan….

Bob: Is it clever enough to get a cunning certificate in cunning high school?

Jin gives him a demon slayer (f+4).

Jin: Zip it. Where’s Ling……Damn her, she late again.

Bob: It’s a blinding flash of the obvious.

Ling: OH!!!!!!!!!BOBANDJINTOGETHERI’MINHEAVENOHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!

Jin and Bob: AIEEEEEEE!!!!!!! *Bob goes right though the ceiling.*

Ling: Where’d he go?

Up there, among the clouds, is Bob, sitting with God.

God: Hey dude, want a Bud?

Bob: Why not?

They sit back and enjoy Jerry Springer.

Bob: Oohhhh. Jerry, Jerry!

God: C’mon, give him a right hook!!!!!!

Back to the place of Nutters……..

Jin: Ok Ling, have you voted yet?
 
Ling: No, I didn’t know there was voting. What is about, the sexiest guy contest?

Jin: Uh……..<_>……..No, it’s the most disliked character in all the games.

Ling: Heihachi! That axe eating sick old bast-

Jin: Ok, so go up the voting table.

Ling goes up and puts her vote in.
 

Up on the stage…….

Hojo: If you times the a+b+x%+h……

Heihachi: Shut up, I’m trying to eat some axes here.

Combot: *sigh*. (Note- If you’ve read the Hitchhikers Guide to The Galaxy, you’ll know what I’m going to be going on about here, you know, the depressed robot- Tiger).

Lee: And we have the results in………Combot: the same.

Combot: I’m the most intelligent being on this planet at the moment, and they can’t even be buggered to say the number.

Hojo: Cheer up man. At least you don’t have a mad swordsman for a son.

(Paul: Agggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!! Sephiroth: Keep still worm!!!!!!).

Lee: And the tie is broken! Heihachi has won the Most Disliked Character Award!

Heihachi: What!!!!!!!????? Ugh………I think that I’m going to have a cardiac arrest.

Kaz: Want some help on that?

Lee: O_O That’s a first.

Hei: Ugh…….*drops off stage*.

Kaz: Oh yes!!!!!! He's dead!!!!!!!

Dr Abel: You bastard!!!!!!

Everyone: O_o.

Dr Abel: Oh, come on, someone had to do it.

Everyone there looks at each other, and then back again.

Unknown: Should we hurt him anyway?

Dr Abel: Shut up. When Hei recovers for the next one, you vill be punished, and your name, vill go on zee list. What is it?

Unknown: Unknown, mate.

Abel: I vill not take this stupidness!

Reno: Oh yes you will!

Abel: Oh no I von’t!

Jin: Whistle while you work, Heihachi is a twerp, he's so barmy, has a crap army, whistle while you work!

Abel: And vhat is your name little man?

Kaz: Don’t tell him Jin!

Abel: Jin!!!!!

Paul and Sep come running past.

Paul: Agggggggggghhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
 
Sep: Mhahahahahahahaha- Hey, what’s up with you guys?

Sefier: Nothing much, apart from this guy is stopping us doing the rest of the fic.

Sep: Hmmm…Paul, that’s enough. Abel, start running!!! Mhahahahahaha!!!

Abel: Mommy!!!!!!!!!

So they run…

Lee: Right………onto the next bit then.
 

The Battle of the Groupies

Lee: It what you’ve all been waiting for!!!!!!!!!

Jin: Uh…is it?*oww*.

Lee: 1, Jin: 0

Lee: Heh….*clang*.

Jun: 4 Lee:1 Jin: -1 (You haven’t forgotten about that little comment he made, have you?) Tiger: 3

Everyone: >_<

Jin: Oohhhh, mate, that still hurts.

Tiger: Right then, lets get on with this.

Lee: Ugh, ok.

Tiger: The rules are: A Groupie from a certain fan club has to race to get the characters specific thing.
The characters are: Kazyua!

Tremendous cheers from crowd. Earmuffs are downloadable at E-bay.

Jin!

My ears, my ears……

Lee!

Lee (spits out cig): WHAT THE FU- (pushed by Tiger to the table where they put the item).

Sephiroth! Uh……hang on! (Grabs him by collar). Oy mate, we need ya for this race.

Sephy: Can’t…..breathe……

Tiger: Whoops. Sorry. (Lets go of collar…)

Squall!!!!

Squall: Whatever (pushed).

Aaaaaaaaaannnnnnnnnnnnnnnddddddd…Kazuya!!!!!!

Fan girls: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

(Tiger jumps so hard that, well, lets say NASA have an extra thing on their radars right now).

Guy at NASA: Uh...Houston, we have a problem.

Tiger: Where…

Bob: Hey, come have a seat *hic*. This guy is about to left hook Jerry Springer.

Tiger: Oohhhh… Jerry, Jerry!!!!
 

Down on the great big onion…….

Lee: Damn.

Jin: She’s fallen in the sky *Spike Milligan style…I respect you man!*

Squall: Whatever.

Lee: Well it says here that we stood here…and it wasn’t that the groupies were going to take our items…THE GROUPIES COME AFTER US?????????!!!!!!!!!!!!! TIGER, I’M GONNA KILL YOOOOOOOOOOOOUUUUUU!!!!!!!!!!!

Jin: Later maybe, cause they’re coming!!!!!

Squall: Whatever.

Lee: Ruuuuuuunnn!
 
 

Some time later.....
 

Jin’s fans caught up with him. He is now in the groupies hostage room. The guy who goes in there is one brave bugger. Sephiroth and Kaz escaped theirs, only narrowly though, you didn’t think I was gonna miss out on this either, right? Lee and Squall were taken to a Company experimenting on humans.
 
 
Red Tiger.
 

Ok…I know the ending was a bit quick, but I’m not that good at this…whatever.