Tekken Committee!

Jin: Hey…….that’s already used…..

Tiger: Heh…….*sweat drop*…I knew that
.
Jin: Thought you should know……..

Tiger: DON’T CORRECT ME DAMNIT!

Jin: Ok……..fine.

Tiger: *calms down*

Jin: Though 12 year olds shouldn’t be using swear-

Tiger: Shut up Jin……..

Jin: And this fanfic is full of swearing, what would your mum sa-

Tiger: DO YOU WANT ME TO GO INTO DEVIL TIGER OR NOT?!

Jin….Heh…^_^;;;;;………no, not at all….

Tiger: Good boy.

Lee shouts from backstage

Lee: Oy! You lot ready yet?

Tiger: Err, yeah! *clears throat *

Camera man: And we are on in, 5…

Kaz: Do you think I should have worn my other purple suit?

Tiger: They all look the same to me.

C.M : ……4……CM?…..

Kaz: But Jimmy won’t like it if I don’t wear him today.

Tiger: Who the hell is Jimmy?

C.M : ………3…….Why I am I called CM?…….

Kaz: My other suit.

Tiger: O_O…..err……k…

C.M : …..2……..Still want to know why I’m called C.M…..

Kaz: This one is Sam.

Tiger: Err, Jin, you come here.

Pushes Jin who is very quickly checking his hair is perfect in a pocket mirror, next to Kaz. He goes straight into Kaz, and they land in a heap just off the cameras viewing area.

C.M : …….and we’re clear!

Tiger looks around surprised, and quickly faces the camera

Tiger: Hello, I’m one of your hosts for now, and you are watching on BBC 2

Bob: 1!!!!

Tiger: Alright, 1 then, and you are watching:

All: Tekken Committee !

All look at Tiger, who is steaming from the ears and looking  as if she’ll breath fire.

All: Err….. Tekken Comedy!!!

Tiger calms down

Jin, from floor: On this show, we’ll be doing sketches from many other comedy shows, and Charlie’s….

Tiger: TIGER DAMNIT!!!!!!!!

Jin: Heh……..Tiger’s sketches as well.

Bob has been watching from backstage

Bob: Jeez……..at this rate we’re gonna get our asses kicked……..

Lee: Yeah……

Bob: Have the Final Fantasy guys come yet?

Lee: No, they’re still coming.

Bob: Well don’t mention it to Tiger…….

Lee: Oh damn, she’s coming this way…* hides behind door and closes it*

Tiger kicks open the door to backstage. Bob puts on a fake smile

Tiger: Why are you so happy?

Bob *through teeth*: Dunno……

Tiger……..grr…….* stamps off *

Bob: Ok Lee, you can groan now.

Lee is squashed behind door, almost to pancake shape. He opens the door and falls flat on the ground.

Lee: Ouchies………

Bob:…..You better watch where she goes you know…….* blows up Lee from push pump that just happens to be lying about *. She’s in her ass whipping mood………..

Lee: Yeah * full size *…..I think my ears popped…..
 

On Stage

Jin: * Now off the floor * Our first sketch is a spin-off of Monty Python.

Tiger: * Backstage* Praise the Pythons!!!! * Scripts of Monty Python in hand*

Jin Walks off.

 While the others get ready, Steve is humming the tune of Monty Python.

Paul: Hey Forest, yanno that guy over there, I wonder why he’s singing that?

Forrest: He’s a Brit, he probably grew up on the stuff, or its some kind of tribal song.

Paul: Forrest, you read too much.

Forrest: * mutters* At least I don’t look like Vanilla Ice you prat…..

Paul: * thinking * At least I don’t look like Bruce Lee you prat….

*Tiger over microphone on backstage* : Backstage crew, WHERE THE HELL ARE YOU?! CHANGE THE BACKROUND !!!!

Forrest and Paul legit to the stage, and start changing it.

Forrest: Hard to believe now that I’m one of Tiger’s favourite char-

Paul: Shut up Forrest.

Forrest: But-

Paul: Zip it.

They walk off

Back Stage

 Everyone in this sketch is getting ready

Jin: I wonder why Tiger is so uptight?

Bob: Yeah, I do to.

Jin: Maybe cause this is her shot at stardom……

Bob: Maybe because someone annoyed her at the start…..

Jin: Shut up Bob.

Bob: Dude, that’s not my name!

Jin: Whatever.

Lee: Can you stop quoting Tekken Committee TM?

Bob and Jin: Whatever.

Lee: * Shivers * You sound like two Squalls…..agh……

*Steve walks in* : Where do we have to wait to go on?

*Lee points towards door *: Over there.

Steve: Cheers mate. *Walls to door*.

Lee: I wish Charlie didn’t go, man, its so stressful doing this.

Bob: Maybe that’s why you smoke like a friggin steam train then.

Lee: Watch it dope boy.

Bob: Touchy today, aren’t we Lee dear?

Lee: Don’t get me started on the yaoi.

Jin: Lee, why are you directing this for the time being?

Lee: Tiger told me to.

Bob: So if someone screws up they blame you.

Lee: What!?……Err…….no, that’s not how she would leave me! *stalks off*

Bob: I recon she would, it’s like her, isn’t it?

Jin: Yeah, that’s how she thinks….

Bob: I feel sorry for Lee, the poor sod.

Jin: I hope the lord takes pity on him.
Bob: Amen to that.

Lets cut to way above earth. God is watching Jerry Springer

God: Jerry! Jerry!

Onstage

The scene is a kind of fairy tale set

Over voice: Once upon a time, there was a wise old king who ruled over a happy kingdom, and its citizens were never unhappy or angry, because Tony Blair and the Tory party had been put to death years before. And for all those yanks out there, you’ll have to look up what I’m on about.*

Cuts to the kings chamber

Over voice: The king ( played by Kazyua), was a bit odd, as he played Dead or Alive all day. This annoyed his wife sometimes.

Queen: *thwacks him with cooking pan* Why can’t you stop looking at those women and start ruling the kingdom right, or we’ll end up like the Windsors!

Over voice: Anyway, this happy couple had a beautiful daughter. *Camera looks around*. I said a beautiful daughter!

Lee looks around backstage

 Lee: Where the hell is Ling?!

Jin: Dunno…….she’s late.

Lee: No shit Sherlock! *Looks around for a girl* You’ll do. * Grabs person and shoves them on*.

Lei gets shoved on

Lei: ^_^;;;;;;; Hi……..

There is laughter from all over the BBC, even the weather man is laughing.

God is now watching this from his TV.

God :Oh……Hahahahahaha!…….man……hahahahahehehe!……That’s the beautiful daughter……..Hahahahahaha……

Ahem…..back on earth

Lee: Oohhhh £$^^&^&*%*^&*I^&(* $%^%^$%&^%&%^&%^&H%U%^&^%&%JH%& TJNGFN%^&I^&I$&**&^&*^*£%&”^&*($”^4574767356745645&£$%&”£^”!%%$^*&(^%^&($^&*%*£&^*%^(&^(^&(&^(£^&^%*^%.com!!!!!!

Jin: Stop doing South Park and look for someone else!

Lee: Ok, Christie, come here!

Lei is dragged back by one of those hooks you see on cartoon shows, Christie is shoved on.

Christie: Hi there guys…….*cheeky smile*

Now, would you believe it, all the guys are transfixed on her, even Lee has forgotten what he's doing.

Unknown: *sigh* I may as well do it…….*gets out megaphone* OY!!!!! YOU LOT WAKE UP RIGHT NOW, OR TIGER WILL KILL US!!!!!!

They snap out of it.

Eddy: And I’ll kill you too, Mon! * He is silenced by Lee, as he holds the sacred 2x4 to his head*.

Over Voice: Anyway, this rather beautiful, sexy, por-

Lee: You say it and I’ll shoot you to the Andromeda Galaxy * holds Uzi to the Over Voice’s head*.

Over Voice:*Really quickly* This beautiful girl had a pet panda.*Lee lowers the Uzi*.

Panda walks onstage, wondering why Ling isn’t there.

Over Voice: This panda was her only friend, and they danced *Christie break dances*, played, and killed other girls as beautiful as her together.

Bob:* Backstage * What, the panda or the girl?

Eddy : Shut up, Mon!

O.V: One day, when she was playing in a field with Panda, she saw a handsome young prince (Steve). She looked him up in the book of princes and found his name there. So, thus, being a princess, she fell in love with him, walked over to him, and started up a conversation with him.

Christie goes over to him.

Bob: Lucky bastard.

Jin: You can say that again.

Bob: Lucky bastard.

Jin: You can say that again.

Lee: What are you do –

Jin: Shh, I’m going for the world record.

Bob: Lucky bastard

Jin: You can say that again………

O.V: And soon the subject of marriage cropped up.

All guys back stage: YOU LUCKY BASTARD!!!!!

Unknown: Don’t worry, he doesn’t last long.

All the guys calm down

O.V: So they went to her fathers castle for the prince to ask her daughter’s hand in marriage.

Kaz is on DOA.

Christie: Father, I-

Kaz: Not now!

Christie: But I -

Kaz: Shh…..I’ve nearly won! Come on Jann Lee, you little- *takes on Christie, expecting Ling* Well * clears throat* what can I do for you my beautiful, sexy, por-

Jun is above him with frying pan.

Kaz: Daughter, what did you want to talk about?

Chris ( I can’t be bothered to say their names all the time-Tiger) : Well, I’ve found a prince, and we deeply love each other.

Kaz: Yes, carry on. *not looking at her face at all, but…..well, you know where…..and thus, Jun hits him over the head with the frying pan. Figures, no?*.

Chris: Err……and we want to get married.

Kaz: Oww * rubs head *. Hmmm. You love this girl?

Steve: Yes.

Kaz: Ok. But before you get married you have to perform a task to show your love to her. Do you accept the challenge?

Steve: Yes.

Kaz: Right then. Tomorrow, first thing, you must climb to the top of the castle, armed with only your sword, and jump off the edge of side of the castle.

Lee: Was that in the script? * Looks at it, so does Jin* That’s very poor English……

Jin: Yep, the poor little sod, ouch…..and the grammar is bad as well, and I have to admit that…….

 O.V: So the next day, he did what the king said, the poor sod.

Steve is on the top of the castle looking down

Steve:*muttering* I’m gonna kill Tiger after this…….

Bob ( as one of the peasants watching) : Oy! Hurry up mate, we need to get on with the other sketches!!!!

Steve: For my one true love!

Others on ground: Yuck! *stick fingers in mouth, as if they’re being sick.*

Steve jumps, there’s a sickening thud. Steve gets up.

Kaz :Hey……That’s not in the script. Bob, come here for a mo….Here’s the plan….

Steve: I did it! I did it!!! Tell the king, and say I said  OWW!!!!………..

Bob has come up behind him with a shovel, and hit him on the head.

One of the peasants with a note pad: Ok…..tell him I said oww. Got it mate.

Bob drags body offstage. Kaz hands him a couple of dollars on the way out.

Kaz in undertone to Bob: Good work…..

Chris: Will he have to go underground like all the others daddy?

Kaz: Yes dear, he wasn’t worthy enough for you.

O.V: So it went on and on like this, until, one day she was wandering down the river bank, when she saw a glimmer of gold. It was a prince, but he was rather fat, and spotty.

Ganyru: Well that’s not very nice!

Backstage: Shut up fat ass!!!!!

O.V: I’ll second that.

Ganyru: Hey…….

O.V: Anyway, the princess looked him up in the book of princes, and found him there. And she thought, even though he was unattractive, he was a prince, so she fell in love with him.

Chris: Eugh! No way……..

Ganyru: I would have preferred Michelle…….

Tiger returns  back stage.

Tiger: What’s been going on?

Lee: Umm….*sweats* Well, we’re on the part with Ganyru…….

Tiger: Good, let Christie be a bit reluctant, cause when she sees me, she’ll be all over him……..or else *holds Yoshi’s light sabre.* I can be a right female Sepiroth when I want to be……

Paul to Forrest : We know that…..

Tiger : Paul, you want to keep your head intact?

Paul: Err…..Heh……yeah…..O_O;;;;;;;;;

Tiger: You watch your ass.

Lee: *Eyes the sword* Err……where did you get that from?

Tiger : Oh, I was playing in the arcade just now, to calm down, and Kuni  comes along right out of nowhere………

Onstage

Christie has now seen Tiger……this is gonna be priceless….

Chris: Oh………You are the most handsome prince ever!

Gani boy : I am?

Chris: Oh yes, you are!

Bryan: Quick, get the camera!

Unknown: The BBC is filming this you know……

Bryan: Oh, yeah, I forgot……..

Everyone watches from backstage.

Chris: Come here…..

Ganyru : Oh yeah……

Tiger, Jin , Lee, give each other looks of disgust, and then realisation.

Tiger: Hey, this is a PG 14, which means no getting jiggie with it!!!

Ganyru: Spoil sport…….

O.V: Ahem……..so after that, they went to her fathers castle, and she asked for her fathers permission to marry fat ass.

Ganyru : Oy!!!!!

O.V: Just telling it as it is.

They walk in to the chamber.

Kaz: *Sees Ganyru* Eugh!!!!!!

Ganyru: That’s not very nice.

Jun: It’s your fault, you got rid of the others.

Ganyru: What others?

Kaz: Err………never mind……..

Ganyru:…….ok……

Kaz: Ok, do you love my daughter? (God, please no……)………

Ganyru: Yeah.

Kaz: *Great.* Ok, you have to perform a task.

Ganyru: Why?

Kaz: Cause she’s an f(BEEP)ing princess.

Ganyru: That’s not very nice.

Kaz: Shuttap. You must climb to the-

Ganyru: There's no must in this.

Kaz: There f(BEEP)ing well is. I’m the king.

Ganyru: Fine *pouts*.

 Kaz: You will climb to the top of the castle-

Jun: Oh give him another task, you’ve over done that one and there won’t be any other princes left otherwise.

Kaz: *undertone* But he’s fatter then Tiger’s dad for crying out loud!

Tiger: *Backstage* Was that in the script?

Lee: Well, it’s the truth……

Tiger: Shuttap. My dad will read this eventually…..

Back onstage:

Jun:I don’t care!!!!

Kaz: Grr….Right then, just get my purple suit from the dry cleaners then, and ‘eres your fiver.

O.V: So the next day, he went, in front of all the towns folk, to pick up the suit.

All the towns people are staring at him with wide, open eyes.

Gani: Agh…..I think going off the roof is better than this.

Bob *as one of the towns people* : Be our guests!

Gani: That’s not very nice!

Townspeople: Shuttap fatass!

Gani: *sniff*

He walks into drycleaners. A mo later there is booing and hisses from crowd. He has the suit.

Gani walks up to Kaz and gives him the suit.

Kaz: Get your filthy hands off it!!!! *To suit*Are you alright my precious?

Tiger: He sounds like Gollum*. But you have to admit, if Gani has touched it….

Lee: I see what you mean.

Gani: Alright, when’s the wedding? When does this finish?

 At the Wedding……This is only a fanfic, please do not panic…….

Jin: If I were Christie I would be quaking, even if it is a fanfic……

Bob: Whatever.

O.V: I need water…..

Tiger: Here you go.

O.V: Thanks *drinks it*.

Jin: I wouldn’t drink that if I were him……

Tiger: Then you are a wise man.

Jin: O_O. What did you put in it?

Tiger: Well, I don’t know really, I just grabbed the nearest thing with a liquid in it.

Jin: Oh, man, we are so dead then…..

O.V: That tasted like coffee, non – decaf…..gyhahahahahah!Demoncoffeeghyayayayayayaya!!!!!!Fearme,fearmeall,iwillkill!!!!!!

Jin: Non - decaf coffee? Tiger, how can you?

Tiger: With ease.

O.V: Sointhechurchallwashappyandgleefulwhenahagentertedtheholyplace.

Nina, as which, enters, muttering curses.

Nina: Where’s the King?! I’m in a very bad frame of mind right now, and you won’t like me when I’m livid!!!!

Kaz: Err…..Hi….Heh……^_^;;;;;;;;.

Nina: Wipe the smile off your features spiky, I didn’t ask for this part, DID I TIGER??????!!!!!!

Tiger: Err….Lee: You sort this out, I think the FF guys are here now.

Tiger runs.

Lee: OY!! Oh well….

Nina: Well, anyway, I’m just gonna cut to the end. I place all in this church under a spell, so they will turn into chickens!

Bang!!!!!

Nina: Oh, bugger!!!!!!!!*cluck*.

Lee: *Sigh*……*looks at script* Its ending now……..

Hope you enjoyed that my Tekken Fan friends, there are 2 other parts coming to that. Yes, I know it was short, but I’m 12, and this is my first time writing.

Lee: I wonder what the others are gonna think of that……….gah………