After find out who stole his mail, Kazuya was pummelling everything in sight, especially Paul.

"Calm down Kazuya!" cried out Jun, hiding behind a table for safety's sake (he was pummelling everything in sight y'know).

"That miserable old piece of axe-eating, Keith Flint hairstyling, Sean Connery look-alike!" Kazuya growled, "I WILL KILL HIM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

"Erm, Kazuya, you're…ahem…devil thing," Said Lee quietly, for fear of getting another sore jaw

"OH, THAT." Grumbled Kazuya and reverted back into his normal self, "But still, what are we gonna do?"

"I have an idea!" said Tiger with a smile and a twinkle in his eye, well, underneath the shades

"I'm gonna dread this," sighed Kazuya, "But tell away"

"Nah, baby! Sing away!" Tiger exclaimed, and that when the beats to 'Staying Alive' started playing, along with a mirrorball descending from nowhere and a disco dancefloor, with Eddy as a DJ.

Eddy: Yo, Tiger's song goes a li'l something like this!

Tiger (singing in high-pitched voice (with thanks to a certain swift kick), and dancing along to the tune…as well as singing of course):

Well, you can tell by the way I shake my booty
That I ain't got no money
But I got my skills
And I'm dressed to kill
But you are nothing but ugly

But it's alright it's ok
There can be another way
Just get your suits and your Afro's on
Time to help me sing my song!

Eddy: BO SELECTA!

If you don't how to do it, then see how I do it cos I'm staying alive, staying alive
Just wiggle your hips like a sinking ship cos you're staying alive, staying alive
Ah, ah, ah, ah, staying aliiiiiiiiiiihiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiihiiiiiiiiiiiiihiiiiiiiiive!

Eddy: REWINDER! (Spins around and claps his hands)

Tiger: Yo Eddy, how bout some scratchin'?

Eddy: (scratches to the tune)

Tiger: Neat!

(Tiger and everyone singing along)

Now you can do just how I do it cos you're staying alive, staying alive
Wiggling your hips like sinking ships cos you're staying alive, staying alive
Ah, ah, ah, staying aliiiiiiiiiiihiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiihiiiiiiiiiiiiihiiiiiiiiive!

Eddy: Tiger's in the house!

Lei: (does some breakdancing)

Tiger: Heheyeah! That's how it's done!
 

At this point, Kazuya picked up Eddy's DJ Decks and smashed them over Tiger and Lei's heads.

"Aww, I was enjoying that!" moaned Yoshimitsu, who had did some sword pogo tricks to the tunes

"But it doesn't help us!" growled Kazuya, "We need to infiltrate the Mishima Zaibatsu without getting spotted!"

"Easy-peasy!" said Yoshimitsu with glee, "Everyone has to gather around though"

Everyone did so

"Ewwwwwwwwwwwww!" groaned Ling

"Same to you Big-Teeth!" replied Yoshimitsu and Paul in unison

And in a cloud of dust, our heroic (yet insane as Charlie Manson) team had disappeared, teleported within the complex of…THE MISHIMA ZAIBATSU!

(Crack of thunder followed by a macabre piano tune)

Stop it Lee

Lee: Fine

Within the bowels of the Mishima Zaibatsu…

"Mwahahahahaha!" laughed Heihachi, looking at Kazuya's mail, which was sealed within a special glass container, "My son will never see his mail ever again! If my faith in Sephiroth was perfected then he's now being buried with a 6ft sword sticking out of him! Mwahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha- and hopefully he killed Lee too -hahahahahahahhahahaha!!!!!"

"You really are evil aren't you?" Michelle, chained to the wall, sarcastically commented

"You are helpless like that Ms Chang," Heihachi pointed out, "So don't make me used my libido on you!"

"Oh my GOD!!!!" wailed Michelle, "You sick old man!"

"Anyway, enough of your caterwauling!" Heihachi ordered, "It's time for some music"

Heihachi placed an old vinyl record on his record player and played probably the most evil song the world had ever known!

"AG-A-DOO DOO DOO, PUSH PINEAPPLE, SHAKE A TREE!" he sang (awfully), "AGADOO DOO DOO, JUMP UP AND DOWN DE DOO DOO DOO"

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" screamed out Michelle in pain

Over the other side of the Zaibatsu…

"Did you hear something?" one of the Tekkenshu soldiers asked his companion

"Nope." His companion, another Tekkenshu soldier replied, "But guessing right, it's probably Mishima-sama playing his favourite song"

"Ah yeah, bloody 'Agadoo'!" the first soldier grimaced, "I remember that song. My kids went crazy over it during the 1980's"

"And now?" the second soldier asked

"Now they're all listening to Brittany Spears and Dicky Martin, whatever y'call 'em"

"Ah yeah, know the feeling" the second soldier complied, "But still, none of them beat Led Zeppelin and the Sex Pistols!"

"Too right!" the first soldier cheered and they both gave each other a high five
 

Back with our heroic team…

Our team, through some sort of magic, had teleported within the insides of the Mishima Zaibatsu. Causing surprise from the team members

"Hey, what the hell was that?" exclaimed Lei, followed by the applause from a couple of Tekken Anime fans, "Oh thank you, you're too kind"

Suddenly, Jun fainted

"MAMA!" cried Jin rushing to the aid of his mother, which was again followed by the applause from the same couple of Tekken Anime fans

'This feeling, it's like a dark premonition, can I overcome it?' Jun thought to her, 'I got to!'

This got the applause from a couple of psychic Tekken Anime fans

"Is this some kind of joke?" growled Lei, followed by- you guessed it! - The applause of the Tekken Anime fans

At this point, Kazuya got peed off and-

(Screen goes blank)

<TECHNICAL DIFFICULTIES >

The transmission to which this episode of 'The Search For The Holy Mail' has mysteriously been cut off due to technical difficulties, you're normal transmission will continue very shortly. Sorry for the delay.

(Transmission back)

We're back on? Oh crap! (Throws away donut and cup of coffee). Back to our adventure, Kazuya got peed off and wailed on the Tekken Anime fans @$$es!

"They deserved it! That anime was crapper then crap!" Kazuya stated his reasons, which are good enough by my standards ^_^

"Anyway, we should be continuing with our mission," stated Jun, "I feel that the mail is very, very close by"

"Wowie! This is getting exciting!" Ling squeaked excitedly, squeezing Panda

"Growf!!!" Kuma growled excitedly, but was smacked away by a near-asphyxiated Panda

"Exciting my ass!" groaned a certain moany old man (Marshall), "Let's just get the mail and get out of here. This place has the stench of crap everywhere"

"Hey guys!" spoke a familiar voice

"Oh my-!" gasped Tiger

"It's…It's…!" Ling stammered, as if she was about to explode

"Steve Fox" Kazuya said bluntly and briefly

"Yep, I'm back, but with a vengeance!" Steve said with an evil smirk and with him appeared a giant horde of Samurai Tekkenshu warriors

"Hmmm, how to describe this situation…" Jin pondered

"Oh crap" Hwoarang put it simply

"Yep, that works!" agreed Jin, "Wait a minute, oh my lord, I agreed with you!"

"Sweet Nelly Furtado!" exclaimed Hwoarang, "You're right! …Damn!"

"You threw me out of your group and got that damn junkie in my place!" growled the Brit boxer, "Now you will face my grapes of wrath! Tekkenshu! Advance!"

"Man I have got to get that game!" Jin said to himself and wrote down 'Tekken Advance' on his long Xmas list.

Then suddenly, the Samurai Tekkenshu rushed towards our heroic (yet insane) team with swords raised and cries of the utmost craziness (such as 'I LIKE THE TEKKEN ANIME!' 'AGADOO!' and the most craziest of all 'I OWN A SHRINE TO HEIHACHI!')

"LET'S GO!" cried Kazuya, with a smattering of applause from the Tekken Anime fans

"YEAH BABY, THE KING SAYS HE'S GONNA LAY THE SMACKDOWN ON YOUR TEKKENSHU CANDY ASSES!" yelled a sober King, as he wrenched the sword out from one samurai's hand and delivered his Triple Arm Buster, snapping the guy arm at the elbow 3 times with about as much force as Paul's Hammer Of The Gods punch, which Paul delivered to a different samurai soldier.

Ling taunted one samurai into running at her, which was the guy's undoing as Panda and Kuma together gave him a double Grizzly Claw. Ling giggled as the guy flew through the air, knocked literally out of his pants.

One samurai swished at Jin, Jin dodged each swish whilst playing Tetris, then, getting bored with the samurai's bungling attempts, gave him a Corpse Thrust Punch. Along with a smart remark.

"Heheyeah! 4 lines!" Jin cheered

Hwoarang, reminiscent of his Tekken 3 ending, dispatched 2 samurai's with one kick and, unlike his Tekken 3 ending, showed off and did his 5 Kick Massacre sidethrow to 2 different samurai's in turn (e.g. does the starting kick to one and quickly turns around and does to the other and continues like that with the other set of kicks in the circuit).

"Smart, is it not?" Hwoarang remarked quite poetically

"It's not!" sneered Jin

"Hey, you wanna settle this right now?" growled Hwo (or Bob)

"Bring it on army-boy!" baited Jin

Hwoarang quickly pulled out a Monopoly board from nowhere, gave out the money in 1 quick shuffle and got the rest set up quickly, with Jin sitting the opposite side to him.

"So, Mr Kazama," Hwoarang said, stroking an imaginary cat, "Do you vant ze doggie or ze racing car?"

Jun was easily wailing on the samurai's, already knocking 2 out with her Windmill to Tooth Fairy Uppercut attacks until-

"WAHAH!" cried out a samurai and cut down Jun's back with his sword

"NNNOOOOOOOOOO!!" growled Kazuya. He immediately rushed at the samurai, giving him the first 9 hits of his first 2 Tenstrings and finishing with his full Tidal Wave Ninestring (f, f, N, 2,1,4,4,2,4,3,2,1 if you don't remember. 1 is Left Punch, 2 is Right Punch, 3 is Left Kick and 4 is Right Kick if you don't know the code). Leaving the samurai beaten to a pulp.

Kazuya rushed to his wife's side. She was OK, but her white dress was torn and her back had a long cut down it, and it was bleeding fast

"Jun, are you alright?" Kazuya asked her

"Yes, " she replied painfully, "But I don't think I can go on here."

"Yoshi!" Kazuya called, Yoshimitsu quickly dispatched his 3 samurai opponents with his Windmill Sword move and rushed over to Kazuya

"You yelled?" he said

"Teleport Jun to the hospital quickly, she's injured!" he ordered

"Hey, all this teleporting doesn't come free y'know" Yoshi stated

"MOVE YOUR TINNY @$$ TO THE HOSPITAL NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Kazuya, in Devil form, growled (see? He cares for his family)

"Ok, ok" Yoshi whimpered. He picked up Jun and disappeared in his Teleporting ways.

Then, after a big battle with the samurai's, our team had successfully won (easily). With Steve Fox ('the worm that turned') running away with his tail between his legs (the metaphor I mean).

But on a more serious note then our team just a couple of doors away from their goal, the Jin Vs Hwoarang Monopoly Bout. Jin is down a bit by being caught in jail twice but made a speedy recovery when he bought Mayfair (it's the British Version, with all the places being in London) and put 2 hotels on it, but it's still nothing compared to Hwoarang, who owns all the train stations.

Result so far.

Jin:  4 properties, 1 with 2 hotels, owns whole of the red set. Been in jail twice.

Hwoarang: 6 properties, 1 property has 1 hotel on it, owns all the train stations. Hasn't been in jail yet
 

"First time for everything." Muttered Jin as he rolled his go, "6! 1-2-3-4-5-6-YES! FREE PARKING! (Collects the Free Parking Money from the middle of the board)"

"Damn!" grimaced Hwoarang

"What the hell are you two doing?" growled Kazuya

"I'm fighting Hwo in the battle for the Monopoly Championship" explained Jin

"Of the woooooooooooooooorrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrld!" finished King

Kazuya grumbled something, then turned his attention elsewhere.

"Now, this one door will lead us to our goal," he started off, "And, just before we barge in, beat up my father and get my mail, I'd just like to say that…with all the times we've been through…I…I…I still hate the guts of all of you!"

"Awwwwwwww" replied the team and, in a Tellytubbies style, had a big old group hug, then stopped quickly as Kuma and Panda were crushing them.

"Now, on 3, CHARGE!" cried out Kazuya and the whole team barged through the door…of the ladies toilets

"Oh shi-!" exclaimed Paul, turning red

"And about time too!" sighed Ling as she rushed into one of the cubicles

"I would as well," pointed out Lei, "But this is the wrong toilets area for me"

"Keep talking like that and you'll be using the disabled toilets!" threatened Marshall

"Erm, let's check another door, shall we?" suggested Forest

"DUUHHHH!" groaned the whole group and moved out from the ladies toilets.

"Hey wait, Kazuya!" Lee called out

"What is it?" Kazuya grumbled

"Listen" Lee told him. They both listened

"Aha! Now we know where we're going!" Kazuya said happily

"About bloody time too!" muttered Lee
 

Meanwhile, with Heihachi

"#AGADOO-DOO-DOO, PUSH PINEAPPLE, SHAKE A TREE#-"

"OH GOD! STOP THE PAIN! STOP THE PAIN!!!!!!"

The familiar sounds of the reactions to 'Agadoo'. Only that it was Heihachi's favourite song, and that it was being used to torture the (lurvely) Ms Michelle Chang, who was strapped to the wall.

"Then vill you tell me ver ze pendant iz?" questioned Heihachi, stroking an imaginary cat

"I will, I will!" relented Michelle, "Just stop playing that awful song!"

Heihachi turned off his record player, and sat facing Michelle (well, he had to look up to her as with him sitting down, his eye level only reached Michelle's stomach).

"So, ver is eet?" he asked, still with the imaginary (or Cheshire) cat stroking and German accent

"It's at Mr-"

Just then, our heroic team (minus Jun, Yoshi, Jin and Hwo) barged through the door in a dramatic fashion. With Lee doing 10 handsprings into a pike straddle jump, ending with a confident pose and a laugh.

"Ha ha! Prepare to meet thy doom!" Lee chuckled evilly

"Agh! MY SONS?!? ALIVE?!? SURVIVING THE GREAT SEPHIROTH WHO I WAS GOING TO PAY $10,000,000 OF MY OWN MONEY TO?" he gasped very loudly in shock

"$20,000,000. I've got your chequebook AND I know your bankcard number!" declared Kazuya, "Now, you have stolen something that belongs to me, my family's mail, give it back or face the consequences of your dumb, bald-headed, axe-eating ways!"

"Nice try Kazuya!" Heihachi grandly said, finishing off a hatchet he had for lunch, "But you'll never get it! You see, it's over there on my desk in an easily-breakable glass container!"

"I could just break it open!" replied Kazuya

"No you couldn't Kazuya," Heihachi assured his eldest son, "For this glass container is special. Y'see, along with your mail, which is protected by the strong cover of the envelope, are the gases from Ganryu's bowels. Open it and you'll choke to death within seconds!"

"Oh my good lord!" exclaimed Lei

"Ow man!" exclaimed King

"#OWWWWWWW, I feel good!#" exclaimed Tiger

"Wait, you bottled one of Ganryu's farts?" questioned Lee, seeming kind of disturbed by the fact

"Well, I wasn't willing to go that far, but all the other protection systems were already being used by the other bad guys. The losers, James Bond would crack them easily!" Heihachi explained

"Oh" uttered Lee

"Anyway father," Kazuya spoke, turning away from the topic of bottling farts, "This is where I fight you, so prepare to die!"

"Bring it on son!" baited Heihachi, and both left to go to their fighting arena (the big black room with the colourful carpet). Leaving the rest of our team (Lee, Lei, Marshall, Forest, Paul, Kuma, Panda, King, Ling and Tiger) waiting in Heihachi's office.

"Erm, excuse me?" spoke Michelle from her bonding, "Can one of you get me down from here?"

"Maybe later" replied Lee

"I will!" Paul said cheerfully

"No way Phoenix!" Michelle growled with a frown, "I have also seen the Tekken Anime y'know, and if you listen carefully, 'Up Where We Belong' isn't being played!"

"A simple 'no' would've done" muttered Paul
 

24 hours later…

After about a whole day, with most of our team sleeping (and with the return of Yoshimitsu! Oh, and an unshackled Michelle), Kazuya returned. They didn't notice him when he came in, but when he got a megaphone and shouted through it, that pretty much woke everyone up with a startle.

"Well, I won" stated Kazuya

"What happened in the end?" asked Lee, stretching his arms

"Well," began Kazuya, "After I gave him a Lightning Hell Godfist followed by a couple of Hellsweeps, a Wind Godfist, a Stonehead and an Overhead Donkey Punch-"

Lee chuckled

"Stop it Chaolan, or I'll sell that share you bought out in the Marlboro factory!" threatened Kazuya

Lee kept quiet

"Anyway," he continued, "I defeated him. Now, how to open up that glass container…"

"Easily remedied!" said Tiger

Kazuya's face fell into his hands,

"Very well, show us your contribution," Kazuya sighed as he slicked his hair back, exciting some Kazuya groupies

"Don't see how that could excite people." Stated Lee as he flipped his hair back like many Hollywood heartthrobs in a certain amount of movies, exciting the Lee groupies

Kuma growled, exciting all the lady grizzly bears out there in Fanfic-land

"Anyway, my plan," stated Tiger.

Tiger picked up the container and smashed it open, but just as he did that, he sang a verse from his song

"Wiggling your hips like sinking ships cos you're staying alive, staying alive, ah, ah, ah, ah, staying aliiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiihiiiiiiiiiiihhiiiiiihiiiiiive!"

Everyone held their breath, until Lei, using a piece of indicator paper (which tells us the pH of objects) confirmed that the air was safe

"Hey, how the hell did that work?" Ling asked no one in particular

"I dunno," Tiger admitted, "It's just that whenever I start to groove, I seem to turn volatile smells into the harmless whiff of cheese"

That when everyone realised how it worked.

"C'mon gang, let's go home" ordered Kazuya, much to the delight of the gang.

On our heroic (and victorious) team's way out, they met back up with Hwoarang and Jin. With unshaven faces, bags under their bloodshot eyes and their weakness in trying to keep themselves awake. They had spent the whole night and day playing Monopoly and were in an unbreakable tie.

"Oh my god!" exclaimed Ling, "Stop playing that stupid game. We succeeded!"

"Not yet," muttered Hwoarang, "Must…get…a…double"

"Same here," Jin muttered as well, "I'm this close…to…winnin-zzzzzzzzzzzzz"

"Ha! You fell asleep! I am the  win-zzzzzzzzzzzz" snored Hwoarang

Kazuya, very quietly, told the gang to pick them up and, very carefully not to wake them, Paul and Marshall lifted them up from the ground and took them out of the Mishima Zaibatsu.

"Jesus Christ! He's heavy!" grumbled Paul

"SSSSSSSSSSHH!" hushed the whole gang
 

A week later…

It was another peaceful day. Jun's back was healing nicely, Jin was back to his healthy state (with only Carpal Tunnel Syndrome, tenosyvitis and all the other ailments you can suffer from playing video games in the wrong conditions) and Kazuya was back to relaxing nicely on those sunny Sunday afternoons at his home. He looked at the letter he retrieved a week ago from the Mishima Zaibatsu along with the rest of the mail. Jun had a letter that simply said that she and Jin were invited to a college open evening, Jin got a letter that confirmed his subscription to Official Playstation Magazine (the 30th videogame magazine he's got a subscription to). But Kazuya didn't open his yet. He thought about it.

'…ah well, who cares?' he decided and opened the letter. He read it and…

There was the sound of something that had fallen. Jun, on hearing the sound rushed outside to check on Kazuya, finding him lying on the floor in shock.

"Oh my god! Kazuya! Are you alright?" she exclaimed, definitely worried

"The letter…that guy…that basta-" Kazuya uttered

Jun picked up the letter and read it.

(this is what is said)

Kazuya Mishima,
116 Wang Jinrei Lane,
Tokyo,
TK42 6GI

Dear Kazuya
 

Recently I heard you had retrieved your mail, along with this letter, about a week ago from the clutches of your father at the Mishima Zaibatsu. I am glad that you succeeded in your mission, but I am sorry to say that there was an ulterior motive to this. You see, I paid Heihachi to take your mail so that I'd have something to write a fanfiction series on. I'm sorry for any distress this has caused you, but at least you had fun travelling around the world and fighting eh?
 

Tekkenicus
Tekkenicus, Fanfiction writer
 
 

At this point, Kazuya got up.

"JUN! GET MY SHOTGUN!!!!!!!!!"

The End