Chapter 1
“Now you know the procedure right? Don’t go going off to Korea with your Cherokee girlfriend. And if you do that little beeper looking device you have there on your ankle will tell us exactly where you are or if you violated the rules. Got it orange whore or whatever the hell your name is” said the parole officer. “A’ight. Jesus Christ I know the procedure like I know my damn birth date. It’s like a part of me already,” said Hwoarang. “Oh and don’t forget your community service,” the parole officer said with a snicker. “Man, I never knew going to school was community service. I thought I was gonna wash car windshields or pick up dog shit from the park like every proud inmate,” said Hwoarang lighting up a cigarette. “Well, since the Judge saw your parents neglect toward you and that you have the education of a 1st grader they decided to give you a reward,” said the officer. “Yeah and what would that be? Oh and I always used to get the prizes in school okay” said Hwoarang puffing at his cigarette. “Uh, knowledge. Something that you can’t steal, buy, or sniff in your case. And besides, stealing the prizes isn’t considered a reward in school,” said the officer. “Yeah right. Obviously you never tried herbs, its like you know everything like that famous scientist…uh, what his name fat Albert, Herbert, Frankenstein some crap. You know the dude with the silly hair,” said Hwoarang pondering. “Dumbass, you mean Albert Einstein. Anyway, get your ass to school or its afternoon at the old folks home taking sponge baths,” said the officer with a sinister smile. Hwoarang shuddered. “Enjoy your day. Ha ha ha!” said the officer with a wicked laugh. “Bastard,” Hwoarang mumbled.
 
 

Hwoarang made his way toward school and saw Julia near the entrance. “Hey baby, what’s up?” asked Hwoarang. “Hello officers,” said Julia to the two men who were holding Hwoarang. “Good morning Ms. Chang. Okay let’s get these cuffs off him,” said one of the officers. “Okay your all set. See you later,” said the other officer as they released Hwoarang and walked toward their squad car. Hwoarang was rubbing his wrists and said “ So what class do we have now so I can get out of this hellhole,” “We have family studies, and its good that the officers brought you here. You always came late and were almost expelled. I think you broke the school record for the most absences and lateness. Now lets get going,” said Julia annoyed as she grabbed Hwoarang’s arm.
 

“Okay class take your seats. I have a special surprise for everyone,” said the teacher. “The Board is going bankrupt,” said Hwoarang with glee while everyone giggled. “No. But if it was you’d be in jail and would be having intercourse with men by now with that hair you have and all, Red,” responded the teacher. “Okay people we have an assignment—,” said the teacher until cutoff by the sucking of teeth and the irritated wails coming from the students. “Well, its an assignment where—get this—you actually learn and do something for the first time in your life you snotty brats,” said the teacher. She opened the door and in came in a school security guard with a big cardboard box. The teacher bid him adieu when the guard placed it on a table.
 

“Okay now everyone knows that teenage pregnancy is at a all time high now. And why, why girls do you go out with these bums? Anyway, just to give you a taste of what parenthood is like. The school board is distributing these eggs like robots to every student in Junior and High School level. These are programmed like newborn babies, and it’s your assignment to take care of them for a week. And by next week we’ll evaluate if you pass this class and how your parenting skills worked. Now I’ve assigned people with a partner. And some have to be single parents, so I’m going to call out names and the name of your partner. Okay, Ms. Julia Chang your partner and father of your child is—oh dear lord I feel sorry for you child—ahem, excuse me, Hwoarang,”

Hwoarang was asleep with his head leaned back. The teacher came over and hit Hwoarang in the forehead and he said groggily “ I’m unarmed—oh its you. What?” “The mother of your child is Julia Chang,” said the teacher. “What! Julia I thought you were on the pill,” blurted Hwoarang out. All the students gasped and looked at Julia. Julia hid her face from embarrassment. “Here’s your child. Daddy,” said the teacher with a laugh in her voice handing the egg baby to Hwoarang. “Uh, excuse me, Ms. But this thing looks retarded. This cannot be my child, it has a gigantic head,” said Hwoarang has he looked at the egg baby. “You’d be surprised what a lifetime full of drugs and booze does to an unborn child. And I’m not talking about the mother whose carrying it,” said the teacher.
 

“Okay second couple, Jin Kazama and Ling Xiaoyu, congratulations. Here’s your baby,” said the teacher as she handed Ling the egg baby. “Oh it’s so cute,” said Ling as she handled the egg robot like a baby. “Hey let me see,” said Jin walking over to Xiaoyu.
“Ah, Jin what should we name it?” asked Ling. “I see someone is coming off at a good start,” said the teacher. Hwoarang was looking at the egg baby and just put it on the floor and went back to sleep. “I don’t know. How about we name it later at my house,” said Jin raising an eyebrow. “Oh, okay,” Ling said with a flirtatious smile. “Jin let’s invite Julia and Hwoarang since--,” said Ling glancing at Julia still hiding her face and Hwoarang who was still asleep with his walkman on. “Since there our friends and desperately need our help…desperately,” said Ling. “Oh, well, okay. Maybe after they leave we can spend some time with our new bundle of joy,” said Jin.

 The rest of the day was as usual except for the students who had the assignments of parenting. After that Hwoarang and Julia went to his parole officer and then went to Ling and Jin’s house. “Hey Julia, Hwoarang,” said Ling opening the door and letting them in. “Hey Ling how’s it going with the baby?” asked Julia. “Oh Jin loves it. He’s going to teach the baby how to do karate and meditate and stuff. You know regular fatherly stuff. Have you and Hwoarang picked a name yet?” asked Ling. “No not yet. Have you?” asked Julia sitting on the couch with Hwoarang beside her. “Yeah, it’s a boy and his name is Kenjiro. Jin and I both decided on it,” said Ling happily. “Hey do you have any beer up in this crib?” asked Hwoarang lighting up a cigarette. “Uh, sorry Rang no. And let be get something for that cigarette okay,” said Ling as she got up and went upstairs.

“Hwoarang lets decide on a name. I want it to be a girl and her name would be Bernice. What do you think?” asked Julia with a smile. “ Let’s call her Sucker, cause she’s going to suck all my money away on diapers and baby crap like that,” said Hwoarang puffing away on his cigarette. Julia slap him on the head and said, “ I’m serious what do you want to name the baby?” asked Julia again. “God, okay. Let’s name him Axel, like in Axel Rose. That’d be cool,” said Hwoarang with a smile. “She’s a girl. She can’t be called Axel,” said Julia with her arms crossed. “I don’t see no pussycat,” said Hwoarang irritably. “Well I don’t see no bone either. So it’s settled then. Bernice it is,” said Julia hugging the egg baby.
 

“Okay guys. Thought of a name yet?” said Ling as she put air filter and an ashtray beside Hwoarang. “Yeah. It’s a girl and her name is Bernice,” said Julia happily. “Oh that’s great. Hey why don’t ya come back here so we can have a little celebration by the pool okay?” said Ling. “Oh that would be cool Ling, thanks,” said Julia. “Hey what’s with the smoke thingy?” asked Hwoarang. “Oh that’s not to spread the cigarette smoke all over the house since we have a baby now,” said Ling. “You know it’s just a stupid egg,” said Hwoarang. “Yeah but that stupid egg is determining if I pass that class or not. So I’m going to be the best parent that I can be,” Ling said. “Well, lets me and Hwoarang leave now. Oh, and by the way, where’s Jin?” Julia asked glancing around. “Oh he’s in the dojo with our son meditating,” said Ling. “Ah, that’s so nice. Hwoarang why don’t you do something like that for the baby,” said Julia. “Julia get real, it’s a dumb looking egg. I have better things to do then look after this piece of deformed crap,” said Hwoarang walking out the door. “Well then you better make the time, cause all this week its going to be focused solely on the baby. Now come on,” said Julia carrying the baby in her arms.
 

After Ling said her Good-byes to Julia and Hwoarang she headed toward the dojo. “Hey Jin how’s it going?” asked Ling. “Uh, well its behaving nicely, it didn’t cry or anything. But I’m trying to teach it karate but it’s a tad difficult working with something that has no limbs. What should I do?” asked Jin. “Well just make believe its Mr. Potato head. I think I have one of my old toys up in the attic. I could probably attach the limbs. But they won’t move though. You should just stick with showing it your moves, then later on if we get a more advance version maybe you can teach it karate,” said Ling. Jin and Ling just stared at the baby on the floor. The egg baby just giggled and looked up at his temporary parents.
 

Later on Hwoarang and Julia arrived again at Ling and Jin’s house. And a few minutes later they were sitting by the pool with their babies of course. “So how’s fatherhood like?” asked Jin. “It sucks. That little piece of torment can’t shut up for one second. Julia said that I should give it some attention. I just think that I should pawn it and get it for a good price. But hey what can I say…?” said Hwoarang with his infamous cigarette. “Well, how about you? Is that little thing giving you and Ling a hard time?” asked Hwoarang. “Actually no. To tell you the truth I like having it around. I’m teaching it like I would teach my real child. Showing it karate and giving him lots of attention. Ling likes feeding it and spoiling it a lot,” said Jin with a smile. “Oh you have to feed it. Wow, I did not know that. I don’t think we fed it yet. Besides it’s getting fat,” said Hwoarang looking at the egg baby peculiarly. “Hwoarang, that’s what the bottle and the diapers were for when the teacher gave the babies to us,” said Jin looking at Hwoarang unbelievably. “Don’t sweat it. Julia do it,” said Hwoarang leaning his head back on the patio chair.
 

“I want to take the baby for a swimm,” said Jin getting the baby off the little bed beside him. “I wonder if it floats,” said Hwoarang about to throw the baby in the pool. When he released it Julia quickly swam to it and caught it. “Hwoarang are you crazy? You would’ve drown her,” said Julia looking at Hwoarang with angry eyes. “Okay, my bad. Jeez! And besides, real babies are in a bubble of water in the mother’s womb, so they should get used to water already,” Hwoarang said sitting back down. Jin got in the pool with the egg baby in his arms. The egg baby just giggled and laugh as Ling and Jin played with it and splashed it water. “Why can be more like them?” asked Julia looking at Hwoarang. “Because we’re not insane and delusional,” said Hwoarang with his eyes closed. “Come on, can you just try a bit harder. What if we really had a child, is that how you would treat it?” asked Julia. Hwoarang didn’t respond cause he was asleep. “Ugh, nevermind,” said Julia relaxing on the patio chair.

Ling looked at Julia and thought, Sometimes I feel sorry for Julia, oh well!  “Ling!  Look the baby is learning how to frown!  He looks just like his daddy!”  Jin said with pride.  Ling looked at Jin frightfully and muttered, “Oh no not another devil infested child!”  Ling knowing that her mutter was loud enough for Jin to hear.  Jin looked at Ling hurtfully and responded, “What’s wrong with that?  You don’t like the way that I’m raising our child?”  “Well N…!” Ling was going to say until she saw the red in Jin’s eyes.  Ling then continued nervously, “Of course not!  You are a doing a wonderful job!” Jin smiled and his eyes turned back to its original color.  Then he said,  “It is true!  Well let me get back to training him!”  When he turn his attention back to the baby Ling rolled her eyes as to say, “Whatever!”  She reached for the baby so that she could take care of it.  But Jin snatched the baby back.  “I’m not done training him!  Just wait your turn, okay?”  Jin said getting upset.  Ling grabbed the baby from his arm and yelled, “Look, that’s enough!  I have to feed the baby and change his diaper!  So stop it!”  Jin eyes started to turn red again as he said, “Give me the baby back now!  I’m not done!  Too much hugging and kissing is going to weaken him!”  “I don’t care if your eyes turns purple, blue, yellow or red so just cut it out!”  Ling said as she splashed water in his face.  The baby started crying loudly.  Jin said in a devilish voice, “Arughh!  You give me that baby, before I do something I’ll regret,” said Jin in an evil deep voice. “Uh, okay. Just remember change it and feed it,” said Ling as she nervously gave the baby to Jin. “Of course I will. Right Kenjiro, daddy takes good care of you,” Jin said grinning at the baby while the baby looked up frigthenly.
 

Hwoarang heard Ling and Jin arguing and shouted, “Hey would both of you shut the hell up. I’m trying to catch my beauty sleep.” Jin quickly turned his face toward Hwoarang with those same menacing blood red eyes. “Dude waz up with the eyes? Are you on hard drugs or something? Cause you should share you know,” said Hwoarang still relaxing on the patio chair. Jin just kept on staring at him angrily. Julia woke up and saw Jin’s eyes. “Uh, Rang. What’s up with Jin’s eyes?” Julia asked poking Hwoarang’s arm. “He’s on some drugs or somethin. Damn greedy sonofabitch couldn’t share,” said Hwoarang putting his hands behind his head. “Uh,Ling are you okay?” Julia asked. “Um, I’m okay. Don’t worry about me,” Ling said trying not to sound nervous. “Hwoarang lets go inside. I think Ling and Jin need some time alone,” said Julia. “I’m tired, I’m not getting up. Let them argue, I don’t care,” Hwoarang said until Julia tightly grabbed his arm and dragged him into the house. “Hello! You’re ruining my tan,” Hwoarang argued. “That’s not the only thing I’m gonna ruin if you don’t get into the house, said Julia as they went inside.

“I hope we don’t get married and have a child. God have mercy on my soul,” Ling mumbled. “We already have a child dear,” said Jin with a wicked smile. Ling quickly gets out of the pool and goes into the house. “Hwoarang, Julia don’t go,” pleaded Ling. “Uh, Ling I think you and Jin need some time alone. We don’t want to get in the way,” said Julia. “Uh, Ling. Aren’t you afraid of Jin when he turns all psycho on you?” asked Hwoarang. Ling starts looking around and softly says, “Of course I am. Hwoarang, Julia please help me. I know he’s cute and all, but he’s a freakin maniac. Help me please,” said Ling getting ahold on Hwoarang’s shirt collar. Hwoarang just looked at Ling wide eyed while Julia looked shocked. “ Ling do you want to stay over our house for tonight?” asked Julia. “NO! I mean, no. He’ll get suspicious. He’ll probably think that we’re having a threesome or something—“ Ling said until she got cutoff by Hwoarang. “A threesome huh. Sounds good to me,” Hwoarang said hugging both of the girls. Julia and Ling just shoved Hwoarang and he fell on the couch. “Shut up,” Julia said. “Jin will probably keep calling your house until I come back. One time, I was sleeping over my mother’s house in China. Jin stayed in Japan. And I was sleeping when I heard someone breathing near me.  When I opened my eyes, it was Jin watching me sleep. He was in Japan cause I called him when I arrived in China that night. Or at least I thought he was in Japan. So it wouldn’t be a good idea unless you want to hear stuff that go bump in the night,” said Ling. “Well, if you do stay over you’re going to hear stuff that go bump in the night anyway and say ‘Oh God do it harder Hwoarang’,” said Hwoarang still sprawled on the couch. Julia smacked Hwoarang hard on his head. “Hey!” shouted Hwoarang massaging the back of his head. “ How did he get to China when you called him in Japan?” Julia asked. “Uh, I shouldn’t say it here. I’ll tell you one day. Jin is special in some way though. That’s all I can tell you for now,” Ling said looking around. “One question. Did you and Jin do it that night when he came unexpectedly?” Hwoarang said with a eyebrow raised.

“Hwoarang. Be quiet. What made Jin go to China though?” asked Julia. “He said that he thought that I broke up with him. He carved my name on his arm with a knife. It wasn’t a pretty site. Weird thing is when the self-inflicted wound healed up he didn’t develop a scar. I just want to get the hell away from him and pass this project so I won’t be with him all the time,” said Ling. “Yo, I know some Jap Crypts and Bloods around here. I could get some of my boyz to shoot him full of lead for you,” suggested Hwoarang. “Thanks, but its already been done. Jin’s grandfather shot him in the head and Jin awoke and wailed on his ass. Now Hei’s on life support,” said Ling.
 

“Aw damn! And I really wanted to make the first shot. I had this nifty new gu--,” Hwoarang said sucking his teeth. “You are not to go and play with your friends, acting like hooligans and all. Its not good influence for the baby,” said Julia tapping her foot. “To hell with the baby,” Hwoarang scoffed. Julia slapped him upside the head again. “You better be a good role model to the baby,” Julia said with a scowl. “Uh, guys thanks for suggesting to stay over. But I can handle Jin…if he doesn’t kill me when I’m sleeping…but I’ll be okay,” said Ling with her eyes still shifting back and forth. “Well, me and Hwoarang will be going now. Bernice needs her sleep,” Julia said rocking the baby. “Hmph” Hwoarang said with a smirk.

Jin stepped in the living room with of course the baby in his arms. “Guys, what’s going on?” Jin asked. When Ling heard Jin’s voice she jumped and gasped at the same time. “Uh…nothing, nothing at all,” Ling said too nervously. “Okay, well the baby needs to sleep I’m going to put it to bed,” said Jin about to go upstairs. Hwoarang then suddenly turned on a stereo at full blast. “A’ight. Missy Elliot,” said Hwoarang. Hwoarang and Julia’s baby started crying and also Jin and Ling’s. “Hwoarang turn that off now,” shouted Jin. “Wait, wait. I want to record this. I always miss it in the radio. A friend of mine needs it to sell his bootleg—I mean, sell his boots with a leg on it. And he needs to hear that song now before they amputate his leg so he can dance to it,” Hwoarang said almost robotically trying to hide his true intentions. “Turn that music off now. My son can’t sleep,” said Jin gnashing his teeth. “Like your son can sleep with a father who has multiple personalities,” Hwoarang laughed. “Arggh!” Jin shouted coming over to the stereo and shutting if off. “Hey what’s your problem?” Hwoarang said in Jin’s face. “Kenjiro needs to sleep okay. Just like your baby. She’s still crying you know,” said Jin looking at Hwoarang’s baby. “Axel—“ Hwoarang was about to say until Julia cut him off. “Its Bernice Hwoarang,” shouted Julia slapping her forehead. “God, whatever the hell name she is…she’s doing just fine for your info, Jin,” Hwoarang said with a glare.

“She’s been crying all day cause of your stupidity,” said Jin. “Oh okay. Well, lets see…hmm, I challenge you to the best father competition. Whichever baby doesn’t say Daddy loses the bet. You game?” said Hwoarang with confidence. “I want judges for this. I don’t trust you with making multiple choice decisions,” said Jin. “Well, okay. Ling and Julia will decide whose the best father and who’s the worst deadbeat dad in the game. Happy now?” Hwoarang said. “Fine, whatever. But what does the winner get?” asked Jin. “Hmm…let’s make a deal with the devil,” said Hwoarang with a mischievous smile. Ling started shifting her eyes again and slowly walking back to the stairs. “Uh, I don’t know yet really. Just maybe your ego is bigger. That’s all I can guarantee,” Hwoarang said. “Hmm…well, okay. I’ll prove to you slack off who the best dad in Japan is. Now what’s our first competition?” asked Jin. “We have to put the babies to sleep the fastest way,” said Hwoarang. “Piece of cake” said Jin.

End Chapter 1.