Ah, yes, another exciting Christmas with the more popular members of the Tekken gang.

(Little nerd kid walks by)

Nerd: Hey, I’m a popular member of the Tekken gang!

Me: Get lost, nerd.

Anyway, like I was saying, before I got rudely interrupted! (Glares at nerd) was that tonight is the night before Christmas, when all through the house, not a creature was stirring, -

Jin: So I took their stereo.

Me: Goddamn! Stop talking or I’ll get Lianne to bodyslam you!

Jin: No! Please, I will never interrupt you again! ( grabs onto pants and starts sobbing hysterically)

Me: Eww, tear stains. These jeans cost me 100 dollars! Oh look, now you’ve wiped snot all over them. I’m gonna kill you! (Chases Jin round room crazily)

Julia: (shakes head sadly) God, I tell ya, those two can’t keep their hands off each other. Wait, what the hell am I saying, Jin and I are engaged. O_o

Me: (finishes chasing Jin hysterically) Ah, Julia. You’re here. Now, we have to discuss tonights Christmas celebration plans.

Julia: Well, actually, Ling is waiting for me in the car and I kinda have to go in like, 5 minutes.

Me: Not to worry, it will only take 10 seconds. The gang, lots of alcohol, food, Christmas tree, presents, party!

Julia: Cool, sounds good to me. Well, how about we come to your place?

Me: (look of horror spreads across face) umm, ahh, well, you see, this thing, I kinda, the house is a mess!

Julia: Well you’ve got arms havent you?

Me: No, actually, they’re prosthetic, I lost them in a car accident and I still havent got full control.

Julia: Oh. Sorry.

Me: Not to worry, there’s always a vacuum cleaner somewhere. See you guys tonight at 7.

Julia: No, we’ll make it 7, show up at half past 7.

Me: Fine, O.K.

Julia: Remember our Christmas presents?

Me: Sure have! (Takes out two rubber bands, 1 pink for Ling, and purple for Julia.)

Julia: O_O

Me: Just kidding.
(Julia leaves)

Me: Right, we better get this Christmas Crap sorted out.

Jin: That would be a good idea.

5 HOURS LATER AT A BUSY DOWNTOWN MALL

Me: O.K that’s fairy lights, Christmas tree, Christmas pud- hey! (Looks at Jin who is licking the crumbs from the pudding container.)

Jin: Sorry. Got hungry.

Me: Well, I guess we’ll have to stick with the old pavalova and ice cream.

Jin: We’re not Australians!

Me: O.K! Then we’ll go with the New Zealand pudding special!

Jin: What would that be?

Me: A 50-cent lolly mixture from the dairy!

Jin: (laughs)

2 HOURS LATER, AT HOME

Me: Kewl. We should get the Christmas tree set up.

(Sets up Xmas tree, which ends up looking like a pile of sticks stuck together)

Jin: You know, there is a manual for this Christmas tree.

Me: Curse the 21st century! Theres a manual for everything.

(After 20 minutes of reading the manual the tree is together properly)

Me: Finally.

(ding dong)

Jin: Theres the door!

Me: But I don’t have a doorbell.

Jin: (answers door)

Paul: (standing outside) ding-dong! What’s for dinner?

Me: How about a lump of dog s!@#?

Paul: You read my mind. How did you know?

Me: Physcic. What? Ewww!

Paul: (walks around rubbing hands together) So wheres the crew? Wheres the party?
Me: I don’t know. (Checks watch) Its 8:30 pm. hmm, they should be here by now.

Jin: Well, you know my Julia, says 7:30, gets there at 10.

Me: Yeah, dats right.

(Jin flicks plug on and tree lights up, interrupted by a knocking at the door. )

Ling/Julia: (walks in) Hey guys! Is dinner ready yet?

Me: Yes the turkeys in the- OH NO! (rushes into kitchen)

Julia: (shakes head)

Me: (rushes back in) well it looks like peanut butter on toast for Christmas Eve dinner.

Paul: Well, that works, I’ve had that same meal for over 20 years.

Ling: Um, I like have got some money on my card… we could always order pizza?

Me: (looks at everyone, which all nod their heads enthusiastically) Sigh, another Christmas ruined by my faulty watch.

(Another knock on the door. In walk Jun, Kazuya, and Lee.)

Jin: Hey mom, hey dad.

Jun: Hello sweetie.

Kazuya: (grunts and flops out on the couch.)

Jin: Wheres Lee?

Jun: He’s over their son. (Points to Christmas tree)

Jin: Oh, I couldn’t see him. His hair blends in with the silver tinsel.

(Everyone laughs)

Me: Shutup, Everyone.

Everyone: Sorry. (Picks lint from his jersey)

Paul: Hey, how about we tell some jokes before the pizza man arrives?

Hwoarang: How bout’ no… ya crazy Dutch bastard!

Me: Hey, Austin Powers: Goldmember. I love that movie!

Hwoarang: Yeah, Mike Myers is my father.

Jin: No, Mike Myers isn’t a ginge like you Hwo!

Paul: Yeah, the Ginga Ninja!

Hwoarang: (sniffs) Humph! Well, unlike you two slobs, I take pride in my appearance.
Jin: Yes, and, unlike you, I can afford a mirror to look in.

(Everyone laughs again)

Me: Dammit, everyone! That was the last straw! First you threw up all over my new Persian cat, then you tied my brother to the wall with tinsel-

Everyone: Hey that was you!

Me: -oh, yeah that’s right. ^_^ But anyway, Everyone, I’m sorry but I’m going to have to ask you to leave.

(Everyone stands up, apart from Kaz, who fell asleep)

Kazuya: Mmm… pork rinds.

Jun: Sigh. (Wipes dribble from Kazuya’s lower lip.)

Me: No, wait everyone!

Everyone: (Stops and looks hopefully)

Me: No, not you, Everyone, you can piss off. (Waves hand dismissively)

Jin: The pizza man is taking ages! (Stomach grumbles) And my tummy is empty as a keg of beer on a Saturday night with the blokes!

Jun: WHAT! YOU WERE DRINKING?

Jin: Curse this wretched mouth of mine.

(Ding-dong)

Jin: Hey, the pizza man is here!

Paul: Nah, that was just me.

(Ding-dong)

Jin: Paul, quit it now, the funniness has just evaporated away.

Paul: That’s not me…

(Ding-dong)

Me: Hold on, hold on, don’t get your knickers in a twist…

Julia: Ow! (Pulls knickers straight)

Heihachi: Oh great, its you.

Me: Oh dear God Heihachi is a pizza guy!

Heihachi: Err, well here’s your pizza, gotta go now bye!

Me: Uhh, thanks…

Paul: Well. That was uncomfortable.

Jun: (sings softly) #Honey, the pizza is here…# (holds a slice of pizza under Kazuya’s nose)

Kazuya: I’m awake, I’m awake…

5 HOURS LATER

Ling: BUUURRRP!

Jun: BUUUUUUUUUUURRRRRRRPP! (House shakes)

Me: BUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUURRRRRRRRPPPP! (Sprays food on everyone)

Ling: Ewww…

Julia: Gross…

Me: Hey, now that the pizza’s over, let’s get drunk!

5 HOURS LATER

Paul: (leaning on Hwoarang) Son, I-I want you ta have this her’ thingo.

Jun: (slightly tipsy) Giggle Well, no more beer for you! (Throws him in a cupboard)

Me: Well, we should go out clubbing now.

5 HOURS LATER, AT THE DRUNKEN DWARVE’S NIGHTCLUB.

Drunken Dwarf 1: Hey sugar, want to come back to my place?

Julia: Oh, I thought I could smell cabbage.

(Big scary guy with machine guns comes in)

B.S.G.W.M.G.:  Die assholes! (Shoots everyone dead apart from Hwo, who was sitting under the tables smoking a joint, and the onstage band, who were also smoking a joint.)

B.S.G.W.M.G.: Hey, give me some! (Takes hooter off Hwoarang, who is too off his face to notice anyway.)

B.S.G.W.M.G: Ah yeah, that’s the s***

Everyone: (walks in) Woah. Oh, hey Hwo!

Hwoarang: (at the bar ordering $20 fish and chips) Wow! Cool! (Giggles insanely)

Onstage Band Member 1: Hey, is everyone ready to rock?

Everyone: Yeah!

Onstage Band Member 1: I said, is everyone ready to rock?

Everyone: YES GODAMMIT!

Onstage Band Member 2: O.K, a 1-2-3- hit it!

(Band starts playing Marry had a little lamb)

Everyone: W00t! Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!

~MIRY CHRISMAT~

Hwoarang: W00t W00t I typed that!

Me: O_O