Wild time

chapter 1

Disclaimer.  As you can plainly see, the keyboard does not fit.


The first thing I can think when I get up is, 'damn, what a hangover.'

The second thing I can think (about ten minutes later) is, 'damn, what a hangover."

Five minutes after that, my brain manages to squeeze out a, 'Geez, what a stench,' 
thought.  

The time to associate the stench with myself was less then immediate.

Slowly, oh-so-painfully slowly, I crawl out of my futon enough to get a glimpse at my 
alarm clock.  Mid-afternoon.  That's good.  Now I just need to get a clock that displays 
the date so I can know which day it is.  Oh well, judging from the lack of commotion, I 
probably haven't slept through anything important.  Groaning I fall back on my bed.

This is all those damn Jupitarians' fault.  Them and their damn drugs.  

****

Hold on.  Back up.  Perhaps I should give a little better of an introduction before things 
start getting hot and heavy.

Hi.  My name's Setsuna Meioh.  Don't laugh or I'll kick your ass.  I'm a practitioner of the 
Meioh Any-time-Any place style of martial arts.  Probably a master of it, too.  I'm 
seventeen.  How did I get to be a master at such a tender and oh so precocious age?  The 
answer is simple.  The last twelve of those seventeen years I've been on a training trip.  
Me and my old man went just about everywhere.  We studied and sparred on Neptune, 
Saturn, Jupiter, Mars, a bunch of moons and asteroids, all over the place.  You pick up a 
lot when you travel.  Finally, after I was good enough, my pops brought me back here.  
Good old Pluto.  My home planet.  And then he sprung it on me.  The engagement.  
Turns out that the only reason he brought me back was to marry me to some old-
schmuck-o- his' daughter. 

Yes, daughter.  One of three.

Now some of you more centralized reader (those of you still on or near Earth and the 
Moon) might be wondering, 'Wait a second!  Girl on girl?'  Well the thing is, that out here 
where the population is a lot sparser, you got to be more open minded about a lot of 
things.  Same sex marriages happen all the time.  Offspring from those are produced 
through cloning and a whole bunch of other scientific crap.  Which leads me to my 
current predicament.  The engagement.

But after that, things only get worse.  Remember that training trip?  Well, apparently, so 
does every one else.  Pops seems to have made it his personal goal in life to piss off 
anyone with a smidgen of martial arts ability.  He has succeeded admirably.  It seems to 
be a dual goal of blaming it all on his daughter, me.  In that too has he succeeded.  

Now that I'm settling down and getting ready for 'married life' every nut with a grudge in 
the system seems to be catching up with me.  

And that explains my current situation.  Hung over and stinking.  Back to the story.

***

Whatever substance those Jupitarians had managed to souse me with has started to wear 
off, and now I'm feeling it.  Humph.  Best way to wipe out a hangover is a good old long 
soak in the bath.  And with this in mind, I start my arduous journey to the land of the 
clean.  

I set off down the corridor between me and the bathroom trailing clothes and sheets like a 
slug trailing slime.  By the time I manage to make it to the door the throbbing in my head 
is starting to back down a bit.  I open the door and brush in to the room.  In a couple of 
quick movements I relieve myself of my clothing, wrinkling my noses at the stench on 
them, and open the divisor between the changing room and the actual bath.  Plunking 
down with an audible plop, I start the lathering.  

I had finished off the majority of the cleaning, and was rinsing the suds off when I felt it.  
It was like low throb, warm like a heat lamp coming from behind me.  Oh no.  I know 
this feeling.  Slowly I turn around, and find myself face to face with my also naked and 
soapy fiancé.  Akane.  The warm feeling that I had felt had been her battle aura flaring 
into life.  

"P-p-p-!" she begins to stutter as she worked herself up into a killing rage.  Oh great.  
She's going to call me that ridiculous name and send me flying.  I quickly grab the pile of 
clean clothes I had left near the door.  This is so not what my hangover needs.  

"PRUDE!" she screams, and then sends me flying.  

I don't know.  Maybe it's me, not having been raised on Pluto and traveling all over the 
place, but I tend to think that walloping someone because they didn't look at you naked is 
a pretty stupid reason.  But the thing is that on Pluto it's customary to give people a polite 
once over whenever you come across them in the buck.  Hell, doing what I just did and 
not even noticing is like a major social blunder.  Of course that's cause just about 
everyone on this planet is obsessed with doing the nasty.

And with that thought, I find myself once more in the stratosphere, bare assed naked and 
trailing my clothes like Charley Brown taking a line drive.  

Quickly gathering my attire before my descent begins, I brush off the last of the suds and 
get dressed midair.  It's kind of scary what slowly ends up becoming routine.  Like I was 
saying earlier, everyone on Pluto seems obsessed with sex for some reason.  Maybe it has 
to do with having something to do on cold nights, I don't know.  All I know is that there's 
a saying around the system.  'Loose as a Plutonian.'  

Oh well.  You can't pick your family.

After my three point landing (face first on a patch of briars) I turn my thoughts as to what 
I intend to do today.  Since today is a Saturday (hence: no school) I have pretty much the 
day to myself.  I just hope I can keep it that way.  It's been a while since I've had some 
time to just lay about and relax.  I have way too much stress in my life.  

And so it is that I find myself walking the streets of downtown Tokyo (Named after some 
old city back on Earth).  The streets around me are filled with the milling throng.  Herds 
of people rushing this way and that.  The buildings around were bright and festive, the 
people cheerful and undemanding.  You know, I think today might end up pretty good.  
Why, I'll bet...

GRUMBLE.

My stomach makes itself known, in a most audible fashion.  The people around me all 
stop and stare a second at me, and I blush in embarrassment despite myself.  

I have no money for food.

Today is going to suck.

***

"So hungry," I moan, collapsing theoretically on a set of steps leading up to a building.  
My stomach groans again, and I groan in response.  "I'd do anything for a burger right 
about now."  I cock my head to the side, waiting for a response.  I hadn't been aiming the 
question at anyone, but I wouldn't put it past my luck to have some sort of soul snatching 
demon come up and try to take me up on the offer.  When nothing happens, I groan 
again, and take a look at where I'm sitting.  It's a pretty standard set of stairs.  Made of 
concrete, about three feet across, ten inches deep.  Four of them in total, leading up to a 
boring and mundane door.  No food here.  Must move on.

As I'm standing up I lean over a bit and something catches my eye.  Next to the steps is a 
set of railing, designed to keep people from tripping over a second set of stairs.  This set 
is a bit longer, and descends about ten feet below street level leading to a door right under 
the stairs I had been slouching on a second ago.  A sign above the door reads 'Clinic and 
Chiropractor'.

Hey.  Maybe they have some kind of free cookie thing in the waiting room.  Nothing to 
loose but time.  I vault over the railing, taking the drop easily and let myself in.

A blast of pleasantly warm air hits me, and I squint for a second as my eyes adjust to the 
dimmer lights in the building.  The door opened up to another set of doors (Your standard 
setup to keep stuff like snow or rain from blowing in.  Beyond that door is a rather small 
waiting room.  The room is comfortably furnished with plush chairs for those waiting for 
their appointments I guess.  A T.V. in the corner flashes scenes from some overly 
dramatic soap opera while the volume remains to low for any of the conversation to be 
made out.  

I take another couple of steps in, catching sight of a little partitioned off desk area.  I lean 
over the counter, looking for some kind of receptionist, or maybe a little basket of candy 
or something, but nothing catches my eye.

"Can I help you?" a soft voice asks from directly behind me.

"AAUGH!" I screech, surprised.  I loose my balance and fall the rest of the way over the 
counter, landing on my face on a little swivel chair.  "MMPH!" I declare as my feet kick 
around in the air and I try to get myself out of my position.  A strong pair of hands grab 
hold of my legs and give me a push.  Like a seesaw I come back to a properly upright 
position.  

"Are you alright? the voice asks again, sounding torn between concern and amusement.  I 
gasp a couple more times, before spinning around.

"W-who are you?" I manage to get out.  Whoever he is, he's good.  If he had came in off 
the street after me I should have heard a door open.  If he had been here in the clinic 
before I should have seen him when I was looking the place over.  But I hadn't heard or 
felt a thing either way.

"Who am I?" he asks, sounding surprised.  "This is my clinic.  I should be asking you 
that."  I take a good look at him as my control returns to my grasp.  Medium height, with 
black hair done up in some kind of pigtail, or braid or something.  He's wearing 
something that looks like a red and black O.R. scrub made out of silk or something.  And 
he's a looker.  Man what a body.

"I'm Setsuna Meioh of the Any-time-Any-place style of martial arts," I introduce myself, 
striking a pose.

Something I said seemed to amuse the man, because he smiles slightly as he bows to me.  
"It is a pleasure to meet you, Miss Meioh.  My name is Ranma Saotome, chiropractor by 
trade.  Welcome to my clinic."

I nod and grin at him.  "Nice place you got here.  Kind of empty though.  Shouldn't you 
have some one waiting in here, or working the counter, or something?"

His smile remains as he answers.  "That..." he gets only a word in before my stomach 
reminds me that it needs food.

GRRRUUMMBBBLLLLEEEE!

"Heh, heh, heh," I laugh sheepishly, blushing a bit.  He stares at my stomach for a 
second, eyes wide in surprise at the sheer volume of the noise that it had produced, before 
his smile returns.  "That is a question best answered over a plate of cookies and a cup of 
tea.  If you can wait just one moment, without eating any of my furniture, I shall return 
with both."  

He leaves the room to get some snacks, and I smirk again.  What a great guy.  

That Ranma guy returns a minute later to the sight of me making myself comfortable in 
one of the waiting room chairs.  The T.V. is now showing something worth watching: a 
martial art tournament.  I left the volume down though.  Didn't want to have to put up 
with any sort of stupid announcer throwing in his two cents every thirty seconds.  The 
moment the tray hits the little table next to the chairs, I help myself to a stack of cookies.  
By the time he's poured the tea, I was helping myself to a second stack.

"So, doc," I start, displaying my awesome prowess by not spilling a drop of food despite 
the fact that I had five cookies in my mouth.  "What's the story?"

After giving me an odd look, he takes a sip of tea.  "First off, please.  Just call me 
Ranma," he starts.

"Sure thing, doc," I tell him.  

He gives me a dry look before continuing as though I hadn't interrupted him.  "And as for 
why I don't have any customers...Well, than can be blamed on my last receptionist."

"How?" I ask.  "Did you fire her?"  He nods to my question, helping himself to a cookie, 
and take a slow bite of it.  "How does that affect your customers?"

"I had to take over my appointment book and reschedule all my customers until I can find 
a new receptionist.  I was just talking to an applicant when you dropped in."

"Well, why did you fire her?" I ask.  

"She broke the rule," Ranma tells me.

"What rule?"  In response, he taps a sign over his shoulder that I hadn't noticed earlier.  
The sign read 'Absolutely no sex in the clinic.  This means you'.  "Oh."  He continues to 
eat his cookie in a slow and calm fashion.  "You must not get a lot of customers then."  
Seriously.  Seducing doctors and dentists is almost a sport.  They have magazines on that 
kind of thing, right next to the skating and hunting ones.

"I've had some trouble building up a clientele," he admits.  "But the customers that do 
come back are usually interesting people, or people that need quick attention.  I earn 
enough to get by."  

I guess I'm feeling pretty sorry for the guy by now.  I mean, he seems like a nice guy.  
Quiet, polite, hot.  I don't know if he's any good at chiropracting, or whatever the word is, 
but if he's half as good at it as he is at sneaking up on people than next time I'm in pain 
I'm stopping by.  I wonder how he did that sneaking up thing anyway.

"Hey," I start, liberating another cookie, and slugging back half of my tea.  "Do you 
practice any martial arts?"

Ranma looks nervous for a bit, but answers.  "Well, yes, once.  But not for a bit, and only 
on my own."

Oh well.  So much for sparring.  

"So what are you doing down in a quiet clinic on a fine Saturday afternoon?" he 
continues.  He must have noticed me wince at that.  "Something wrong?"

"Nah," I tell him.  "It's just that that's a strange story.  Kind of crazy, actually."

"Well," he smiles at me.  "Since you've eaten all of my cookies, it's only fair that you tell 
me it."  I look at the plate where my hand had been groping for food, and found it empty.  
Oh my, I ate them all.  How embarrassing.

"Well, it starts a little something like this...."

End chapter 1