"Zoisite!" Beryl yelled, and Zoisite snapped out of her trance. "Pay attention! What I'm about to say is really important!"

I'm sure it was important the last 500 times you said it, too, thought Zoisite.

"In order to find out more about humans, you need to… blend in with them. Now, a lot of humans do something called 'driving'. I want the rest of you to learn now to drive." said Beryl.

"But Queen Beryl, I already know how to drive!" stated Nephrite.

"Good. Which means you'll be teaching the other three how to!" Queen Beryl told him.

"What? But I don't have a car!" replied Nephrite.

"What about your Ferrari?" asked Jedite.

"My Ferrari is in good condition and I plan to keep it that way!" said Nephrite.

"Nephrite, are you questioning my orders?" asked Beryl.

"Eh, my apologies. I'll get started right away." said Nephrite. And so, the lessons began. He started off with Malachite, then Jedite, both of which didn't have much problems driving, and got their licenses not too long after. Zoisite, on the other hand, was a different story.

Chapter II: By Zoi2K

Zoisite took the keys from Nephrite, sitting in the driver's seat. Nephrite sat in the passenger's seat, while Malachite and Jedite sat in the back. They all fastened their seatbelts as Nephrite began to give her instructions.

"OK, now put the keys in the ignition," said Nephrite.

"What's the ignition?" asked Zoisite. The other three slapped their foreheads.

"THAT'S the ignition," said Nephrite, pointing to it.

"You should have told me earlier!" said Zoisite.

"Now, put your right foot on the gas pedal," said Nephrite. Zoisite, not knowing the difference with the gas pedal and the brake, put her foot on the brake pedal. "No, the GAS pedal!!"

"OOOOOHHHH," said Zoisite, slamming her foot on the gas pedal, and the car zoomed out of the driveway.

"Don't press down so hard!" yelled Nephrite.

"Don't yell so loud!" cried Zoisite, and hit the brake.

"This is going to be a loooooong ride…" mumbled Nephrite.

Chapter III: By Obsidian

"Alright," said Nephrite. "You want to turn the wheel right to swing the car to the left as you back out."

"Oh, gotcha!" Zoisite snapped. She backed out, knocking over Nephrite's garbage pails. Numerous empty bottles fell out of the recycle bin.

"Eh, don't mind those. I'd better pick them up before I get a flat." As Nephrite picked them up, Zoisite decided to play a prank. She slammed onto the gas pedal, the Ferrari darting off. "HEY! COME BACK HERE YOU-NO!"

Zoisite began to swerve, and Nephrite teleported into the car and hit the brakes before she got into the second gear and wrecked the engine. "NEVER DO THAT AGAIN!!!" screamed Nephrite.

"Geez, it's just a car!" Zoisite retorted.

"It isn't JUST a car, it's MY car and I've washed this thing every day for years!" said Nephrite. "Ever hear the term, 'you break it, you buy it!', Zoisite?"

"Um, Nephrite…" Jedite started.

"Yes, Jedite, what is it…?" Nephrite said, now really angry.

"Um, can I get out? I think I'm gonna hurl…"

"You'd better not hurl…" Nephrite materialized a bottle of water into his hand. "Here, have a drink. You barf on my car, you're paying for a new leather interior!"

"Now, Zoisite," Nephrite began, "you want to gently press down on the large pedal on the right, the gas pedal." Zoisite obliged, and the car began to roll.

"Hey, this is fun!" Zoisite said.

"Now, what you need to do is change to second gear when that speedometer hits the red. If you don't, you'll damage any engine," Nephrite said. "This car happens to be manual, while most modern cars are automatic."

The lessons began to progress much more smoothly, now.

Chapter IV

Zoisite learned how to change gears, hit the clutch properly, brake, and she got the rulebook down pretty nicely.

"Now, there's only one thing left," said Nephrite. "Parallel parking…"

"No, you're not serious!" Malachite yelled.

"Of course I am. We'll use two garbage pails with nothing in them," Nephrite said. "And plastic ones so they don't damage my paint job!"

Zoisite went to work and after about 20 tries she finally got it. She could now parallel park, and she did it even faster than Malachite! Back at Nephrite's mansion, Jedite spoke up.

"Hey, Nephrite, after we finished, you gave us some joyriding time!"

"Eh, well, yeah, I know, but-"

"But what?" Zoisite asked

"I don't want-YOU-joyriding in my Ferrari!!"

"Calm down, Nephrite!" Malachite spoke up. "What's the worst that can happen? She knows what she's doing now!!"

"Oh, alright. I'll let her joyride a bit. Zoisite, you get five min-"

With that, Zoisite darted off, hitting the gas and moving the car at full speed. The speedometer climbed: 80-90-100!!

"ZOISITE!!!! SLOW DOWN!!! YOU'RE GOING TO BREAK THE CYLINDERS!!!!!!!!" Nephrite shouted.

"Don't worry! Man, this is fun!! WHEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!" Zoisite yelled.

Unbeknownst to Zoisite, she was off the road now! The car bumped up and down on the rocks, and scraping noises came from the underbelly of the car.

"ZOISITE! STOP THE CAR NOW!!!!!" Nephrite yelled.

"I don't wanna!" Zoisite said. "This is too fun!" Problem was, she got too caught up in the moment and started to move toward a cliff!

"Zoisite," said Malachite, still calm, trying to hide his fear. "Um, there's a little something you'd better look at…"

"WATCH OUT!!!! EVERYONE OUT OF THE CAR!!!!!" yelled Nephrite. Everyone teleported out, except for Zoisite…

"WHEEEEEE-Huh? Where'd everyone go?" Just then, she noticed the cliff.

"ZOISITE!" Malachite yelled. Zoisite teleported out right before the car went flying off the cliff…

Nephrite's Ferrari flew off and did a nosedive down a 100-foot drop. Nephrite's jaw was on the floor at this point as he ran to see his beloved car fall down. He watched as it slammed into the ground. Everyone heard the crunch of metal as the Ferrari hit a bed of rocks. Nephrite threw Zoisite a look that could kill…

"Eh, I… WE COULD FIX THIS!!!" Zoisite said, sweating. She teleported down to the car. "We could just, bend the metal or something, or steal some glass, or-"

"Zoisite, give it up…" said Jedite.

"I have to agree. Zoi, as much as I hate to admit it, you REALLY screwed up this time…" Malachite replied. Nephrite just kept his cold eyes fixated on her…

"Look, this isn't that bad!" shouted Zoisite. "I mean, it's-" Just then, the entire car exploded and sent Zoisite flying up into the air. She landed right next to the other three generals in a smoking heap… "Heh, imagine that…" was all she could say…

Chapter V

Queen Beryl was not happy at all. The four generals lined up in front of her. Malachite held Zoisite tightly, Nephrite had a really pissed look in his eyes, and Jedite-well, was Jedite…

"…Now, I want you all to tell me what happened. Zoisite…"

"Well, Nephrite said I could have a joyride, so I decided to take a joyride!"

"At 150 miles per hour??" replied Jedite. "The trees were flying by so fast I nearly threw up!"

"Is this true, Zoisite?" asked Beryl.

"Well, yes, but-"

"You're busted," said Nephrite, probably the first thing he's said since the accident (minus a few obscenities when he got back…)

"Hey, be quiet! I'm trying to talk!"

"Look, Queen Beryl, Zoisite had no intention of going so fast-"

"YEAH RIGHT!!!" shouted Jedite. "What was that "WHEEEEEE" we all heard?!?"

"Zoisite actually said, 'WHEE'??" said Beryl. Nephrite started to chortle.

"SHUT UP YOU IDIOT!" shouted Zoisite. "YOU KNOW FULL WELL IT WAS AN ACCIDENT!!!"

"How do you 'accidentally' floor a gas pedal!?!?" yelled Nephrite.

"He's got you there…" said Jedite.

"Look, I had no idea what a 'joyride' was, so I just figured it was a fun ride! I wanted to go fast, so I floored it!"

"Yeah, but we told you to stop!!!" said Nephrite.

"Maybe she didn't hear you!!!" retorted Malachite.

"MAYBE that's because she was too busy yelling at the top of her lungs!!!" shouted Nephrite.

"I have one hell of a headache…" whispered Beryl. She slammed her staff onto the ground, creating a massive thud. The four generals stopped their arguing and all apologized.

"Now, since Nephrite lost his car, he has no way of blending in sufficiently. He's a rich businessman, so he needs a car," began Beryl.

"Queen Beryl, she has to buy me a new car!!!" shouted Nephrite.

"We'll let someone else decide whether or not that happens… I want you all to go to the following address tomorrow morning," Beryl stated. "We'll figure this one out the 'legal' way…"

The four generals looked in shock at the letter. Jedite vomited right before they left.

"Oh, and Jedite, clean that up…" said Beryl.

Chapter VI

Welcome to "Judge Judy"!!!!!!!!! The people are REAL!!!! The case is REAL!!!!! The Judge is a bumbling moron!!!!!!!!

Nephrite walked in as the camera focused on him.

Meet Maxfield Stanton, the plaintiff. He is suing for $250,000 for damages caused to his Ferrari.

Zoisite walked in with Malachite as her lawyer, causing Nephrite to cringe…

Meet the defendant, Zoisite de Kunzite. She claims innocence to the accident and destruction of Mr. Stanton's Ferrari!

"All rise!" shouted the guard. Judge Judy walked into the courtroom out of her studio.

"OK, now what do we have here…" she said to herself. "Mr. Stanton, would you please state your case?"

"Yes, your honor. I was teaching Zoisite de Kunzite, Malachite de Kunzite, and Jed Jedite how to drive," he began. "Unfortunately, the only car I had was my Ferrari."

"You were teaching them to drive? Why not send them to driving school" Judge Judy asked.

"Well, we are all members of a-military organization and we can't have much contact with the outside world."

"I see. And what happened that has brought you here today?"

"YOUR HONOR! I OBJECT!!!!!" shouted Zoisite.

"Under what terms…?" Judge Judy asked.

"Under the terms that his story is fake! He's lying!!!"

"We'll figure that out soon enough, Mrs. Kunzite. Please sit down." Judge Judy replied. Zoisite sat down. "Mr. Stanton, you may continue."

"Thank you your honor. I had taught Mr. Jedite and Mr. Kunzite how to drive. They went to the DMV test and passed easily."

"They were allowed to do this?" Judge Judy asked.

"Yes, our Qu-General didn't allow us to take lessons, but did allow us to take the test."

"What was the purpose of this?" Judge Judy asked.

"He wanted us to be able to know how to drive. The reason is a secret. When I joined this organization, I already knew to drive, but they confiscated my Ferrari. The General said it was necessary."

"Alright, I respect your General's wishes. So what happened next?"

"Mrs. Kunzite had just finished her lesson and passed, in my book. I gave her the chance to drive around and get the feel for a car without me telling her anything." Zoisite, in the meantime, was imitating Nephrite's words.

"Is something wrong, Mrs. Kunzite?" Judge Judy questioned.

"No, nothing…" said Zoisite, laughing.

"Zoisite then took off and slammed onto the gas!" Nephrite began. "I told her to stop, for she was damaging the engine, but she didn't stop!"

"Well, of course I didn't stop! I couldn't hear you over the engine!"

"I was right next to you in the passenger seat!"

"Order!!!!" shouted Judge Judy. "Please, continue."

"She eventually went off the road and off a cliff. We all managed to jump out in time before it went over, thanks to our training."

"Were there any witnesses?" asked the Judge.

"Yes, three. Mr. Kunzite, Mr. Jedite, and myself were all witnesses."

"Call your first witness," said Judge Judy.

Chapter VII

Malachite stepped up to the podium, a guard walking over to him.

"Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, nothing but the truth so help you God??"

"I don't!" he shouted. Zoisite walked to him.

"YOU IDIOT!" she whispered. "Say you will tell the truth and then lie!"

"Oh…" He was asked again, and replied he would tell the truth. Zoisite got up to ask him questions.

"Now, Mr. Kunzite, did you hear Mr. Stanton yell for me to stop?"

"Well, no," he began. "I was right behind him, so if he had said something I would have heard him or at least seen his mouth move."

"I see. And if Mr. Stanton didn't say anything, how would I have known to stop?" Zoisite pointed out.

"You couldn't have known. You were new to cars and didn't know the effects that kind of speed would have on the engine." Malachite said.

"YOUR HONOR, I OBJECT!!!" shouted Nephrite.

"Under what conditions?" Judge Judy asked.

"They are husband and wife! Of course he's going to lie to her!"

"We'll see soon enough. Mrs. Kunzite, please continue."

"Thank you, your honor. Now, Mr. Stanton, if that IS your real name…" Nephrite stared at her and barely held in a laugh. "If you knew that doing this would damage your car, why didn't you tell me to stop?"

"That's the point, I did! However, you were so into it you didn't want to stop!"

"Are you questioning me??" Zoisite asked. "Does this look like a face that would lie…?" Zoisite puckered her lips and her eyes watered, a la Lady Masaki from Tenchi Muyo.

Nephrite just stared at her with an evil look in his eyes.

"Your honor, I have no further questions…" Zoisite said.

"Thank you, Mrs. Kunzite. Mr. Kunzite, you may step down." Malachite stepped from the stand and smiled…

Chapter VIII

"Mr. Stanton, call your witness," said Judge Judy.

"I call Jed Jedite to the stand, your honor." Jedite approached the stand and said he would tell the whole truth.

"Now, Mr. Jedite," Nephrite began, "isn't it true that you were sitting right behind Mrs. Kunzite in the car two nights ago?"

"Yes, that is true." Jedite replied.

"Then, you must know that you heard me tell Zoisite to stop, correct…?"

Jedite looked over to Zoisite and Malachite, who glared at him intently. He began to sweat and said: "no…"

The gasps from across the street were so loud they could be heard in the courtroom. Nephrite was stunned, and Zoisite began to smile a la Lady Masaki once again. Malachite let out a sigh of relief…

"YOUR HONOR!!!"

"Yes, Mrs. Kunzite, what is it?"

"If I wasn't told to stop, I couldn't have known to stop! I couldn't see the cliff up ahead anyway, because we were in the middle of a forest, so this whole thing was an accident! I'm not guilty of anything!"

"Wh-! WAIT! YOU WERE TOO BUSY INDULGING IN THE SPEED TO SEE THE CLIFF UP AHEAD!!!" Nephrite yelled.

"That's not true! This was an accident, plain and simple!"

"Actually, Zoisite is correct," said Judge Judy. "If she hadn't known to stop the car, she couldn't destroy it on purpose in this case. If there are no further questions-"

Judge Judy was cut off by

Zoisite: "WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!"

"AH!!! ZOISITE!!!" Jedite yelled. "HOW MANY TIMES DO YOU HAVE TO DO THAT??? YOU DID IT IN THE CAR WHEN YOU WERE GOING REALLY FAST RIGHT AFTER NEPHRITE TOLD YOU TO SLOW DOW-"

The entire crowd, including Beryl watching on TV, looked on intently…

"Eh, did I say something out of line…???" Jedite's face was now as red as the lining on his uniform…

Chapter IX

"Mr. Jedite, please step up to the stand again…" said Judge Judy. "I would like to ask you a few questions…"

Jedite stepped up again, Zoisite now sweating profusely.

"Mr. Jedite, do you know that lying under oath is a very serious crime?"

"Well, yes, but Mr. Kunzite told me to do it!" Jedite pointed right toward Malachite, and all eyes were now on him.

"He told me he'd kill me if I didn't say what I said!" Jedite pointed out. "He's a lot stronger, so he'd be able to do that with ease!!!"

"Is this true, Mr. Kunzite?" asked Judge Judy.

"Well, in a sense…" Malachite replied.

"We now have a new case. Officers, restrain Mr. Kunzite! He's under arrest for threatening to kill someone!"

"NO! Get off me! I wish to be read my rights!!!"

"Very well then!" Nephrite said. "You have the right to shut up, go directly to jail, do not pass go and do not collect $200!!!!!"

"Hey!! THIS ISN'T OVER!!!!!" he shouted as he was taken to the local prison.

"Uh…" Queen Beryl said, at her palace. "I guess I need to bail him out… And if all goes well, I'll need a little extra for Zoisite…"

"Mrs. Kunzite, did you or did you not persuade your husband to threaten Mr. Jedite?"

"Is that a crime? So what if I did??"

"You're an accomplice if you did assist him. You assisted in a plan for killing someone, so you're your husband's accomplice." Judge Judy explained.

"So I'm guilty of that, too??"

"Yes, you are. And judging from that 'too' you added, I can only assume you are guilty of destroying Mr. Stanton's Ferrari as well?"

"THAT STILL ISN'T TRUE!!!!!" she shouted.

"Hmm, your anger tells more than your words!!" Nephrite said.

"QUIET!" Zoisite began. "I didn't have anything to do with this!"

"Your honor?" said Nephrite. "I wish to ask Mr. Jedite some questions." Judge Judy obliged, and Nephrite went to the stand.

"Mr. Jedite, did you or did you not hear me tell Mrs. Kunzite to stop my car?"

"Yes, Mr. Stanton, I did hear you tell her that. I also heard you tell her before the car started about shifting gears and going too fast." Jedite said. "Zoisite disobeyed you and went her own way. She's guilty of blatantly causing the destruction of Nephrite's car."

"In light of this new evidence, I have no choice but to rule in favor of Maxfield Stanton." Judge Judy said.

"NOOOO! WAIT!!!! I-"

"Mrs. Kunzite is responsible for damages and will pay $250,000 dollars for a new Ferrari. She will also spend six months in jail for perjury and Mr. Kunzite will do the same. Court is adjourned!" Judge Judy banged the gavel and Zoisite was cuffed.

Chapter X

Zoisite was taken to a prison cell and locked up. She started to grumble to herself about the current situation.

"Stupid Jedite!" she mumbled. "I always knew he was the dumbest general!" She left her train of though of what she was going to do to Jedite once she got out of prison when she heard a familiar voice…

"And what is your name?" a guard asked.

"My name is Beryl Mettalia," the woman said. "I'm a friend of Mrs. Kunzite and I've brought bail. Zoicite didn't know whether to feel happy or scared out of her wits. The guard opened the door and let Zoicite out.

"Now, Zoicite, I've been informed of something..." Beryl said.

"What's that, my queen?"

"Shut up! Dont' call me "my queen" here!"

"Yes, my qu--" Beryl just stared at her coldly.

"Now, the Judge has issued a sentence. You have to pay the $250,000 by Saturday, or they will throw you in jail for destruction of property." Beryl said.

"NO WAY!!!" Zoicite yelled.

"Yes, and if you even try to break out, I will kill you myself. Justice must be served..."

Zoicite was speechless. A simple driving lesson had turned into a court case that had Zoicite $250 grand in debt. "Queen Beryl, I promise you. I will get that car or the money for it by Saturday! I don't care if it's three days away!"

"That's good. But fail and I'll lock you up myself! I'm sick and tired of your insubordination!"

As Zoicite sat in bed that night, she wondered how she would get the money to buy a Ferarri. Plus, it'd be tough to find the exact same one that Nephrite had. She decided to turn on the television to try to forget about it for that night. When she turned it on, she saw something intriguing...

"'Gone in 60 Seconds' now on video! 60 Cars1 24 Hours!!!"

"That's IT!" Zoicite yelled, almost waking everyone up. "That's how I'll get Nephrite's car!!!"

The next morning, she went to the video store and rented "Gone in 60 Seconds". She watched it, took notes, and went to work Thursday night.

Chapter XI

That Saturday, the four generals and Beryl gathered as Judge Judy held the hearing.

"Mrs. Kunzite," Judge Judy said, "do you have the money?"

"Even better, your honor!" Zoicite yelled. "I have a brand new Ferrari for my friend Mr. Stanton!"

"How did you go about that??" Jedite mumbled to himself.

The generals, Beryl, and Judge Judy went into the parking lot and Zoicite gave Nephrite his new car.

"You see?" said Zoicite. "It's brand new! I just got it on Thrusday!"

"Alright Mrs. Kunzite," Nephrite answered. "I guess no harm was done. Just give me the keys and I'll be on my way..."

"Um, keys?" Zoicite said..."DAMN!" she thought. "I forgot to steal the keys! I just hotwired it the way Nicholas Cage did!!!"

"Yes, the keys," said Nephrite. "If you did buy this car, you'd have the keys..."

"Um, yes, well..." Zoicite was now beginning to shake.

"Mrs. Kunzite," Judge Judy said, "Before I can give this car over to Nephrite legally, I need to see a receipt indicating that you bought it yourself."

"Um, receipt??" Zoicite said. She had no idea what a receipt was, to be honest...

"Mrs. Kunzite, I have also been informed of something else..." Judge Judy said. Zoicite hoped she didn't know what had happeded...

"I have learned, Mrs. Kunzite, that a Ferarri was stolen from a car dealership on Thursday night," Judge Judy pointed out. "The keys weren't taken, and someone found a small green tie for hair, much like the one you're wearing now..."

"Um, I guess someone else has a green tie??" Zoicite was now pulling her collar aside nervously.

"Mrs. Kunzite, where were you on Thursday night?"

"Eh, nowhere?"

"Oh, for crying out--She was stealing the car!!!!" Beryl yelled. "I saw her watching 'Gone in 60 Seconds' and taking notes!"

"In that case...guard, place Mrs. Kunzite unde arrest for grand theft auto!" Judge Judy ordered. Zoicite tried to run, but Beryl tripped her. Zoicite ws now in cuffs once again...

Chapter XII

"Zoicite," said Queen Beryl, "I have managed to make a deal with Judge Judy."

"OH!" Zoicite shouted. "You managed to get me out of jail?!"

No, that isn't it..." said the Queen. "You are going to pay off your damages..."

"You mean, a job??" Zoicite asked.

"Of course!"

Beryl set Zoicite to work. However, there were many failed attempts...

JOB #1...

"Hello!" Zoicite yelled. "Welcome to Burger King! May I take your order??"

"Yeah, I'll have a Whopper and a Coke..."

"Would you like to try the combo? It may be more money but you get fries!"

"No, just the Whopper and drink..."

"Oh, but I insist!!!"

"NO! JUST THE WHOPPER AND DRINK!!!"

"So, that'll be $5.89 for the combo!"

"HUH?!?!?!? Are you thick in the head?!?"

"ZOICITE!!!!! YOU'RE FIRED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

JOB #2...

"This is Electronic Boutique, your electronics superstore. Zoicite speaking; how may I help you?"

"Yeah, I heard you have the Playstation 2. Is this true?"

"Huh? OF COURSE NOT!!! Have you been living under a rock or something?!?!"

"Um, I don't follow..."

"They only shipped 1/3 of the PS2's! NO!!!! We don't have one here!!!! MORON!!!!!"

"Man, you need to calm down..."

"I AM CALM!!!!!!!! AHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!" Zoicite screamed as she threw the phone and clocked the manager in the fore head...

"YOU'RE FIRED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

JOB #3

"Is this coupon still valid at this supermarket?" a customer said.

"This coupon expired two minutes ago..."

"Are you kidding me?!?"

"NO, I'm NOT KIDDING!!!!! WHEN IT EXPIRES, IT EXPIRES!!!!!"

"Oh, come one! I'm only two minutes late!"

"NO, NO, NO, NO, NO!!!!!!! GET OUT OF HERE AND STOP WHINING!!!!!"

"ZOICITE! GET IN MY OFFICE NOW!!!!!"

Well, that was it for jobs. That is, until Beryl decided to "help" her a bit...

"Zoicite, present yourself!"

"Queen Beryl, I haven't even received a single paycheck! I've been fired from three jobs in one week!" Zoicite whined.

"Well, if you don't pay for this Ferarri, I'll personally put you into eternal sleep!!" Beryl shouted.

"But where am I going to get a job...?"

"Here..." Beryl threw her a job application.

"N...NO!!!!!!"

"Yes. If you don't take this job, you know the punishment!!!!!!"

The next day, Zoicite arrived as the secretary of her new job...She answered the phone and said:

"Hello, you have reached the Tokyo Ferarri Dealership, the largest Ferarri dealership in Japan..."