** Precursor to “Now and Forever” **

*** What really happened to make Seiji end it all? This should explain it. If you haven’t all ready, please read “Now And Forever” first. ***

Dear Seiji,

I refused to look back as I walked out the door,

my anger took hold and had left me blind.

I had had enough; I couldn’t take any more,

my controlled emotions began to unwind.

I couldn’t see past this sudden flow of tears,

my mind was numbing, my heart was breaking.

You were my love Seiji for all of these years,

but you couldn’t see I was yours for the taking.

I try closing my eyes but all I see is your face,

I think about calling, just to hear your voice.

The memories we built fill my mind and space,

I try not to recall them but I haven’t a choice.

Oh my God Seiji, my heart is breaking in two,

the pain keeps on building and won’t go away.

I want you to know that I’ll always love you,

even if it was my heart you did betray.

My love for you always,
Touma

(Touma stared at the words scrawled on the paper; his eyes blurred from the tears that just kept flowing.)

Seiji, please believe me when I say, this is the only way I know of to end my pain. I hope that someday you can forgive me.

(He reached for the mass of steel it felt so foreign in his hands. Checking the chamber once more, he laid it down beside him, picking up the pen he continued to write. )

I’m sorry about the fight we had, the one that led to me losing you for good. I thought that after a few days you would come looking for me, but you never did. Why?

(Touma blinked back more tears; his heart ached so badly. It had only been two weeks, but seemed like an eternity to him. Running a shaky hand through unwashed hair he thought back to that night. He wanted Seiji to finally tell his family about their relationship, but Seiji said he wasn’t ready. )

Seiji, my love, I am so sorry I just felt so unloved at that moment, like you were ashamed of me, of us and what we had. I figured that since my parents had accepted us so readily yours would as well. I know I was being selfish, and for that I’ve paid the highest price there is... I lost you!

(He looked at the object lying along side his thigh, knowing that shortly all his pain would end for good. Pain that seemed to permeate throughout his whole body and soul.)

I saw you yesterday with Nasuti; you both looked good together, you looked happy, I‘m glad. I’m sure that your folks will welcome her with open arms. I want you to promise me that you won’t blame yourself for any of this. If there were another choice for me to make, I’d make it. I am so sorry.

(Touma gave up on stopping the hot tears from falling, his whole body shaking with the force of the sobs. He missed Seiji so much; he couldn’t bear the thought of seeing him with someone else, especially since Nasuti and Seiji had a past together. Touma knew that it would be different if it weren’t for one simple fact.... He was still very much in love with Seiji.)

Please tell my parents that I love them, and to forgive me. All I want is for you to be happy Seiji, and if that means having Nasuti in your life, then it’s okay. I just can’t go on like this. I’m nothing more then an empty shell now, it was your heart and soul that made me whole Seiji. It was you that made each day worth getting up for, most of all it was because of your love that the stars I loved so much, seem even more brighter and beautiful to me.

(Touma picked up the gun...)

I love you Seiji.

(Placing it at the correct position and angle...)

I will always love you.

( It’s now or never he thought. One more line...)

I will wait an eternity for you, my love, my Seiji, the very essence of my heart and soul. I know that someday we will be together again, hopefully you‘ll have forgiven me and maybe then we‘ll find the love we somehow lost.

(Touma placed the note on a special journal he had been writing in, filling it with poetry he wrote for Seiji. He had started it when he first realized his feeling for Seiji. It was to be a gift for Seiji’s birthday next month.)

Okay, I can go now. Goodbye mom, dad, forgive me. Guys thanks for your friendship. Goodbye my darling Seiji my love for you transcends all time and space. Farewell heartache and pain...........

(Seiji watched as the rocket ship took off, with in it was NASA’s newest space probe, heading for the edge of our solar system. Onboard was also something extra. Seiji wept openly and uncontrollably as the rocket carrying Touma’s ashes disappeared from view. Friends and family could offer little comfort to ease his grief. Collapsing to the tarmac, his tears and pain just too much to bear, Seiji looked to the sky once more.)

You’ll be home soon my love, wait for me, I won’t be long. I need to tell you that Nasuti was only there asking for advice on Ryo; it’s like we always suspected, she does love him, that‘s why I looked so happy. My heart is with you my love. I forgive you, and I’m so sorry. Soon Touma, soon we will be together again, and once I have you in my arms, I’ll never let you go.

The End

< Okay, please don’t hate me. Give me some time and I’ll get something out that’s more cheerful. That’s if you want me to.>