Title: Witness of perfection.

Author: The Faceless Evil

E-mail address: TheFacelessEvil@AOL.com

Website: http://committed.to/thefacelessevil/

Warnings: Shounen ai suggestion, incest implications

Show/Video Game: Trigun

Couple: Vash/Knives + Vash/Nicholas

Disclaimer: Don't own 'em. Thanks for creating 'em.

Author's Note: I decided to do something completely bizarre 

and different for a Yaoi fanfiction. Write from a female's 

point of view without crushing or bashing her. Meryl's love

for Vash has the potential to go beyond simple unrequited 

romance, so I decided to touch on how her personality would

"mature" around those two. Enjoy!

------------------------------------------------------------------------

Dear Milly,

I remembered a couple of years ago, you wanted to hear all of the 

details of how my love blossomed with Vash. Well, it defiantly

did, in a way I never expected.

I'll start on the day he came back with his brother slung over his 

shoulder. I know you were there, but I've got to start somewhere,

and my feelings were strong then. He had the goofiest grin on his

face when he did come back, didn't he?

"Oi! Insurance lady! Could we get a room set up for him? He's wounded."

He said to me, and my heart sink. Vash was wounded too! Why did I have

to take care of his brother's needs when he deserved it a whole lot 

more? Instead of doing what he asked, I became overwhelmed with emotions,

and attempted to tend to his injuries first. He looked at me with those

serious, liquid turquoise eyes, and set his strong hand on my shoulder.

"Please, Meryl, trust me."

He had called me by my name. I don't believe he'd ever done that before. 

Of course I trusted him, and left to establish them a room. The next

few days, we saw very little of them, didn't we? He spent all of his

time in that room, and the only time he and I spoke is when I brought

up soup to them. 

Vash was always at his brother's besides, and all he could do was watch

that terrible man breathe. 

"Has he woken up yet, Vash?"

I'd ask him, and he would hand me back an empty bowl, and another one

in which the soup hadn't been touched.

"No...but thank you for bringing his bowl. He's going to need it sometime."

I stared at that sleeping figure, numbly grasping the dishes. Milly, he

looks identical to his brother. I know, it's because they are twins, I 

guess I didn't expect them to look so much alike. Different hair color,

but the exact same face, startling beautiful. Beauty so perfect, that it

was hard to believe that they could pass off as human.

A few days after that, he awoke. Or at least, I saw him awaken for the first

time. His eyes were so frightening, I grew cold just by looking at them.

Emotionless, distant, ice blue eyes that seemed to burn into mine with

hatred and insanity. What did this to him? How is it that Vash is so loving

and kind, while his brother is so cruel and cold? His voice is much deeper

than Vash's, and held pride and dignity that Vash never possessed.

"Why is this Human in our room?"

He spat out that sentence as though I was a lowly insect, that he craved

to crush. My blood boiled with fury, and my fists clenched. How dare he!

He had no right to kill people, make Vash miserable, and still have the

utter gaul to speak as though he had no regrets, and that he is a higher

being. Before I could tell him off, Vash cut in.

"Knives, this is my friend, Meryl. Meryl, this is my brother, Knives."

I stifled my dislike to remain polite for Vash's sake. I stumbled for

a greeting, since I couldn't fake that I was happy to meet him, or glad

that he recovered.

"Is the soup to your liking?"

It didn't take a psychic to know that he was going to give me a negative

response. He didn't even look at me, as if I was unworthy of his "precious"

gaze.

"It reminds me of wet sand."

Again, I got red with anger and Vash chimed in before I could retort.

"Don't be silly, Knives! You've never eaten wet sand!"

He broke out into nervous laughter directly in the path of the hateful

silence Knives and I were sharing. During that, he apologetically shooed

me from the room, whispering to me,

"Forgive him, he's just not himself lately."

I'd say that's exactly like him, and Vash is in some denial about how

his brother truly acts. I was glad to leave that room. It looked like

Vash defiantly had his hands full, and I didn't intrude or see him 

much for the next few months. 

The only time I saw him without Knives is when you went back to the 

city, Milly. That little going away party where he gave you a book on

how to speed write. By the way, how does that work? I'll stick to my

trusty typewriter, thank you! 

Despite how little I saw of him, I still felt the need to stay behind.

It was hard to keep his friends when he was locked in a room all the 

time, so I think it was my loyal duty to stay and be his constant back

up. God knows he needed it. 

The villagers grew paranoid about what those two were doing. They figured

a stranger constantly looked after by the sixty-billion double dollar man

was no good. They were right, but I knew Vash could handle it. So 

I snapped one day and "reassured" them by telling them to stick their 

gossip and rumors into their ears. Wasn't very professional of me I admit,

but I'm getting really protective of Vash.

During the next few days, I witnessed how truly close those two brothers

are. They sleep together, I saw them once, and it was a sight to make

my heart wrench. Touching foreheads, holding each other's hands, breathing

in perfect union. I was upset, but not out of jealousy, after all they 

are brothers, but of the fact that Vash was so close to that murderous

man. They must have a strong bond, and can communicate with each other

without words. I wanted that sort of bond with Vash. I was unsure now if

I could come between that, even if I did tell Vash how I feel about him.

I took your advice anyway, Milly. I was so scared, and felt awkward about

the whole ordeal, but I told him on one quiet evening. He was resting on 

the couch, and I was sitting on the chair opposite to him.

"We've been through a lot together, haven't we?"

I started, and I confess, I was very nervous.

"Yeah." Was his quiet response, his mind obviously elsewhere.

"I.. I just want you to know, I'll stay by your side for as long as you'll

have me."

"You are a good friend, Meryl. I sometimes wish that you could be with me

forever."

Yes, he said that Milly, word from word. I was shocked, my mouth felt dry

and my pulse quickened.

"F-Forever?"

"Yeah, with you and Knives. I feel like I have everything almost to the

way things used to be."

"Used to be?"

"With Rem."

He smiled at me, the type of smile to make me feel warm all over.

"You're so much like her, a watchful mother."

Again, I couldn't find the words. I was so mixed with feelings of pride

and happiness, as opposed to anger. I was trying to be a good wife for

him, and somehow he took it as motherly duties. Before I could say anything

to that effect, his arms were around me, and soft voice against my ear.

"Thank you...for being here. Life is so much easier when I have a wonderful

friend like you."

Milly, I cried so much. I wasn't angry or upset, I was so happy that I could

ease Vash's pain. I felt I owed him so much for the times he kept saving my

life, that I was just in the way of his huge complicated World, but I

was helping him. We'll probably never have a romance like the storybook one

I used to have in my head, but we have something much deeper that heals

both of us. I feel honored to be such a big part of his life.

I'm going to be visiting you soon, and Vash is coming with Knives. You'll

finally get to meet him properly. It's going to be his first real time out

in humanity, so go easy on him if he says something...offending. The last

thing we need is a fight.

See you soon,

Meryl

* * *

Dear Milly, 

We arrived back at town safely, and Knives has once again confined himself

to his room. I'm very glad you held your tongue when he criticized the way

that "humans" live. Trust me, it was for the better. 

Vash has high hopes that his brother will come around eventually. Speaking

of, I know you wanted progress reports on that too. Well, I don't know

where to begin.

It's been five months since we've seen you, and I'm sure that you'd be

interested to know that Knives has made his own garden. As much of one that

can be expected in this blistering, unforgiving climate. When the sand 

doesn't accept the seeds, he gets upset over it, and Vash gets in the 

same mood to a sadder degree.

I heard crying coming from their room one night, no surprise there. Often in

the past I heard noises like that, and never felt it my place to snoop on

family affairs. This time, I had to peek in on them, I had an uneasy feeling.

"I.. I can't make them live here, Vash.. Please.. can't we.."

Vash had his brother cradled in his arms, wiping away those tears with his 

hands, and even occasionally his lips. A soothing, intimate gesture that 

brought a pink streak across my nose. It was cute, I couldn't help it. 

I had never seen Knives like that before either. He looked actually Human

for once, with emotions and needs just like anybody else. Was he only like

that with Vash? I didn't think he knew how to cry.

"Okay, okay.. we'll go."

Go?! I wanted to burst into that room and demand to know what was going on,

but I held fast. I don't know how Knives would react to my intrusion during

an emotional moment, but I doubt it would be pleasant.

"When?"

"S-Soon.. I don't like saying good-byes."

Good-bye?! I drew away from the door, feeling intense pain in my chest, and

tears in my eyes. I quickly ran to my room before I caused a scene. 

I spent the rest of the evening crying, pacing, and trying to think of ways 

to get them to stay. I know that's probably selfish of me, but I was thinking 

very selfishly at the time. I didn't want Vash to leave. I planned to wake up 

extremely early to catch them, but I was so tired I forgot to set my alarm.

Panicked, I ran to their room, and pounded on the door.

"Vash! Vash! Are you there?"

How did I know there would be no answer? I wrenched open the door, and 

ran into an empty room. Everything was clean, orderly, even the bed was 

made and looked like nobody had slept in it. There was a piece of paper on top 

of thosecrisp sheets, and it read,

"Meryl, 

Going away for a bit, I'll be back soon. 

Love,

Vash T.S."

I felt so numb, and clenched that piece of note paper. Soon could be decades

for a man like him. I have to wait though, I have to remain a loyal friend

to him. As long as I can still get paid for my out of town paperwork, I'll

wait and live here for him.

Maybe I'll get an extra part time job.

I'll write again soon,

Meryl

* * *

Dear Milly,

It's been five years since Vash left. I'm glad you are happy that I visit

you, your husband, and your triplets more often, but I was always so 

worried that while I was away he came back.

I should have been more practical and gone back to the office, instead

of waiting for a man who was more likely to show up after a century. My

love isn't practical, I suppose.

He did finally come back. He's so different now. His hair is to his waist,

he dressed in the same clothes he wore while he was here, and when he

saw me, he picked me up in a huge hug. Laughing, and smiling, as though he

had a huge burden lifted from him. 

"INSURANCE LADY!"

"V-Vash?! AGH! Let me go! Where have you been?!"

We spent the next hours talking our heads off, all about what happened

with me, you, and Knives.

"So Milly has triplets now?!"

"Yes, and another one on the way."

"Whoo!"

Seems everybody gets startled over the way your family always has so many

children.

"How is Knives?"

At the mention of his brother's name, his face went distance, with a faint

grin that seemed as though it had a lot of emotion behind it, but he was

hiding it. It seemed like good emotions, though.

"He's wonderful. You'll get to see the Oasis, it's twice as big as it

was when we first got there! It's rather a long way from civilization,

but we'll take a car so it won't take as long to get there as it did 

walking."

"You walked the entire way?"

"For three weeks. We had a lot to talk about."

So we rented a car, and went off to do the visiting that he wanted to

do. To a girl named Lina and her Grandmother. A perky girl of seventeen

who latched onto Vash with delight, then kicked him in the shin.

"You've been away TOO long!"

"O-OW!"

It seems he had spent a good amount of time with those two, and developed

quite a bond. We ate there, and found that Vash's donut obsessed was no

less muffled then it was before.

"These are really good! I missed them so much!"

"You're going to get fat!"

"Oh, I hope so!"

It's sad how he so wishes he had the leisurely life. It was hard to watch

him depart his friends again. Lina couldn't stop hugging him.

"Good-bye again?"

"For now."

Then to Mister Wolfwood's graveside. I know I shouldn't mention that to you, 

Milly, I know he was a good friend of yours, but that effected Vash so much 

I almost couldn't bear to watch.

"Hello, my friend."

He said, walking up to that grave. He knelt down in front of it, and

touched the cold stone. He slipped a silver chain from around his neck,

and placed it onto the ground. It was a crucifix. He whispered words I 

could barely hear over the dusky desert breeze.

"This belongs to you. I can't hang onto the past for too long, you know.

Just like the red coat...but I'll still have your memory. I miss you,

I.. I love you, and I hope you are so happy where you are now."

I didn't realize how close that Priest and Vash were. I should have, 

considering they communicated in the same way Vash and Knives do. Without

words.

He cried there, and all I could do was hug at his shoulders. I think

that made him feel better that somebody else was there for him. I don't

think Knives would've been caught dead supporting Vash over the death

of a Human. Unless he's changed that much over five years, but knowing

that I was there and Knives wasn't, I'm betting he hasn't.

After that, we arrived at your home. I don't need to go into the details, 

because you were there yourself! He really loved your kids though, didn't

he? I think he always wanted some of his own. I don't think he could ever

have that wish, he'd outlive them all. I think it was really sweet of you

to say that your going to name your next baby boy after him, it really

made him blush.

It was to the Oasis, then. He was right, it was extremely large. I've

never seen so many trees and plants before in my life. Knives has quite

the skilled green thumb! Vash stopped the car outside of the grass, and

led me in towards the middle. We stopped at a figure hidden behind some

bushes.

At first, all I saw was a curtain of pale blonde hair. Then it rose to

show the form of a man, rather slender, and.. nude. 

My face went bright red, and I attempted to turn my eyes away, which

was harder to do when he turned around. I found myself frozen in that

awkward position! Don't think me a pervert, Milly, I really and truly

couldn't move! Fortunately Vash could, and he jumped forward to block

Knives' form, and I could breathe easier.

"Ee! I'm so sorry, Meryl! Ee, KNIVES! I said we were going to have a 

guest!"

From over Vash's shoulder, that homicidal man regarded me with those

chilling eyes.

"So? This is our home. I do as I like."

This is where I held my breath. The idea of spending my time here around

a naked man flustered me quite a bit. I was very worried Knives was going

to be stubborn and not dress, but Vash persuaded him.

"Please? For just awhile? For me?"

His brother gave a defeated sigh, and stalked off through the bushes. I

slapped my hands over my eyes a little too late, and got a good view of

his backside. Don't make fun of me Milly, it wasn't horrible, but it was

so embarrassing. A man like that shouldn't be the object of female fantasies

anyway! At least a healthy female.

He has no shame, that's definitely confirmed in my eyes. Spending time with

those two in their home was such an awkward experience. Knives was more at

ease, but he was not a person for conversation. Vash tried to get him to 

talk about his plants, but eventually had to do it himself. Knives had a

habit of drifting to silence to resume his activities and ignore me completely.

He never spoke to me, always past me to his brother, or to those plants. 

I have to admit, the plants are very lovely. He could have been more polite to 

me, though. I helped him when he was ill too, and he acts like I brutally beat

him. At least he was fully dressed.

"This is a lavender flower."

Knives said to me once, out of the blue. Again, not even looking at me.

"Oh, it's beautiful. Did you grow it?"

"It grows by it's own choice, I just help."

"O-Of course."

His voice was always so blunt, as if every word was making a clear point that

I was wrong, no matter what I said!

"Vash can't hear them like I do. You Humans muffled his ears, and he can only

hear you."

That made my jaw clench, and I stared him down. Having a snippy retort, no

less. I tried not to be hostile, but I'm protective over my friend.

"What's wrong with that? The plants must have muffled your ears to us, right?

You two are just opposites."

I think I hit something, because he turned to give me a look that made my stare

seem flimsy and meaningless.

"We're the same being, pulled apart. We belong together. You have no place here."

"You can't sew him to your side! He invited me here, and I came! I don't care if

you hate the ground I walk on, but Vash is my good friend. I have no plans on

ever leaving him, and if you truly cared about your brother you wouldn't try and

control his life!"

So I got on the extremely defensive side. It was the words I always wanted to say

to him. He didn't even flinch in features, and turned to tend to the plants

again. A soft whisper spilling from his lips.

"What do you know about my love for him?"

"I know the true love doesn't tie in with killing his friends."

"They are pests, nothing. They had to be gone so he could be back with me."

"That's a completely selfish attitude. If he really wanted to be with you he 

WOULD, without all of that slaughter and trouble. Did you ever actually sit down

and talk with him about what HE wanted?!"

His hands stopped dead, and I suddenly felt my muscles stiffen. I forgot about

those powers Vash told me about. Knives could kill me with a literal thought if 

he wanted to, yet I wasn't afraid. Maybe I was too angry to be afraid, or that

I believed he wouldn't kill now that Vash had defeated him in that fight so long

ago. I was taking a major risk, and continued speaking.

"Obviously you never have. That's why you two couldn't be together for so long.

You made him horribly miserable for what you were doing, and didn't even have

the consideration to ask how he felt."

At that moment I could barely breathe. My eyes widened, and I choked out more.

"T-This won't make him h-happy. Y-You can't make him forget a-all of the lives

y-you've taken. You can t-try and make up for it to Humanity. I-I know that

would m-make him happy. M-Maybe it would even make you happy. Y-Your so cold, 

Knives. W-Why are you so cold?"

Then that sensation stopped, and I gasped for fresh air. Clutching my hands

to my sides, and hunching over. When I looked up, he was holding out a lavender

flower to me, a slightly gentler look in those cold eyes. I swear I saw it, just

a glimmer.

"You think you hate me, yet you always wonder about what made me turn into this. 

You never called me a monster, and you feel sorry when I'm upset. He is right,

you are like Rem in certain respects."

I blinked in shock, and lightly sniffed at that uncut flower. Closing my eyes,

and knelt beside him.

"Vash trusts you. I don't know why, but he does. I figured if he does, I might

as well give it a shot. I at least have confidence you won't go on another 

homicidal run with him around. I do still think, that what you did was wrong,

but if I didn't give you a second chance, then I'd be a hypocrite."

"I can't give Humanity a second chance."

Very slowly, I lifted my hand, and lightly pressed it the one resting on the

flowers stem. He felt warm, human, as opposed to how cold and pale his skin

looked. He flinched, but didn't pull away.

"If Humanity gives you another chance, wouldn't you return the favor?"

"It won't."

"You haven't tried it yet."

"Either way, it doesn't deserve it."

"Vash doesn't deserve getting pain, does he?"

"No..."

"But he gets it anyway, doesn't he?"

Knives lowered his head, and had a very solemn look. His hand releasing the 

flower and trailing away from mine.

"With me, he will no longer feel sadness. We will trap ourselves in our

own private Eden, and forget the rest of the World."

"He brought me here, because he still wants the rest of the World in his life.

He isn't your toy that you can put away! He doesn't want to confine his love

to one person, he wants to share it with the World!"

That once emotionless man stiffened, and rose to his feet. Tossing me a look

that was so hurt, I had the urge to apologize even though I meant those words.

"I don't share my love, why should he? I am true and faithful to him, why can't

he be the same to me? It isn't fair!"

A childish statement said with such belief as he strode off towards the lake. I

watched him and mulled over his words. 

He is like Vash, Milly. They both seem like lost children. I don't know what is

going to fix all of this, but it isn't my business to get involved. 

Vash visits often now, and I visit the Geo Plant just as often. He gives me letters

to send to Lina, and to you. Which means I'll be seeing you soon with a batch

of them.

See you soon,

Meryl

* * *

Dear Milly,

I do think they resolved something. They began going out more, visiting the 

cities with plants, and helping the Engineers with the mechanics. They were

considered geniuses, and Knives somehow managed to stay out of trouble.

You must have read about it on the radio, how those two managed to impress the 

cities with their knowledge. It's funny how people never suspected those 

machines to be actual living creatures that need care and attention just like

anybody else.

I still have a hard time believing it myself, and so do others. I don't think

that idea will ever be completely embraced until a few generations later at 

least. People are still too paranoid and gun happy, they never like anything

different.

I'm just rambling about things you already know, and things we've already 

talked about. People of old age do that, you know? Very often. Little Vash 

often corrects his poor old mother about that all the time. 

I can't call him 'little' anymore, can I? He's over twenty and I still can't

call him by his namesake without the 'little' or I get confused and start

looking for a spiky haired blonde instead of my dark haired son.

"VASH! Vash is coming today!"

"I know, little one, I know."

"Mother, I'm twenty-three, and much taller then you! I'm not little anymore!"

"The day you stop getting excited over Vash's visits, is the day I stop 

calling you little."

"I'm going to be little for the rest of my life then, huh?"

Even though he's an adult, he still gets so enthralled everytime Vash comes to

visit. Those two are like one and the same, total goof offs. I don't know

where he gets it. His father was so serious, and I know I'm not a goof off.

That blonde must have made such an impression on his young mind that it

stuck! I'm glad of it even so, that he had a Father figure while growing

up since his own was gone.

I know you didn't approve of that, Milly, but I really and honestly couldn't

see myself spending the rest of my life with a man who lost all compassion

and love after we got married. He only thought of money and business, and 

besides, he once told me to stop seeing Vash out of spiteful jealousy. Why

I picked a man like that to marry, I'll never know. Maybe I just wanted a 

child of my own to care for. That kind of sounds sorted, but it's truer the

more I think of it. It seems I have a lot of love to give, and none of it

turns out to be the romantic kind. It's always the family kind that's so

beautiful and intimate that I could never complain.

Thirty years, and I still giggle over the fact that Knives still can't manage

to keep that cold look whenever he looks at me. He's definitely gotten softer

then he used to be, I think he actually respects me and the way I treat Vash.

He'll never admit it, the stubborn Thomas, but it's still satisfying to know

that I still get those respectful looks.

He was upset went I persuaded Vash to cut his hair that one time though. It

was past his feet, he was tripping over it, and it was getting so dirty in

town! I only cut it up to his waist, and Knives acted as though I butchered

an artistic masterpiece.

"You could have asked me first."

"It's HIS hair, and HE said it was all right!"

"R-Really, Knives! It was rather long. Here, lemme cuts yours so we'll match!"

I still have their locks of hair wrapped in string in my scrapbook. The way 

those strands blend together is such a lovely combination, they really do

suit each other. Like night and day, you couldn't live without the other.

Vash never did get a romantic interest, did he? From all the flirting that

man used to do, I would think he would've snagged a desperate woman some

where along the way. He seemed to stop when he was together with Knives,

and my son, when he was seven, had a theory that nearly made me scream at 

the thought.

"Are Vash and Knives married?"

"W-WHAT?! N-No! Their brothers! Brothers don't get married!"

"But they kiss!"

"THEY WHAT?!"

After cornering Vash, it turned out that they weren't kissing. 

"You KISS with your BROTHER?!"

"M-MERYL! Of COURSE not! That isn't KISSING, that's an.. uh.. 

ancient Plant greeting ritual thing! Uh, I need to go now, bye!"

See? Perfectly logical.

...

...

Milly, I think I'm going to cry. Now that I think about it, why did I buy

into that cheesy story? Am I in THAT much denial? I always did wonder

what those noises were late at night in the Geo Plant, but never went

to investigate. I think their love passes beyond brotherhood, and I can't

believe it took me over twenty years to figure that one out.

If you say you knew all along, I WILL scream.

Maybe it isn't that bad after all, because they aren't Human. Technically

the 'brother' title might just be a Human label, and they are just actually--

... 

... 

Wait, Vash is GAY?!

I'm getting too old for this thinking. I'm going to bed now. 

I'll write again soon,

Meryl

------------------------------------------------------------------------

Ending Author's note: HUMOR! I actually had HUMOR in this one! Big 

difference for me and Trigun fanfiction! The way I wrote it out on paper 

was SO different and actually kind of depressing, so I changed it when it 

hit the computer. It  flowed evenly and sounded a whole lot better. I hope 

you liked it, it took me long enough to type out. I apologize for that.