E-chan here once again. This is my second column and if your reading this you are one of two people you either actually liked my last column and found it witty or amusing or; you want to know what retarded thing I plan to babble about now. If you are the former, My humblest thanks to you and hats off for your bravery… however if you are the latter: "Go stick your head in a pig." Thank you.

This week I'll be exploring the mind-numbing and rather endless amount of objects that seem to be blood crazed; violent or just plain stubborn and baffling.

Several of my friends and I have decided that many things have a strong will of their own to aggravate people to of the worst being posters and keys. Lets start with posters, the one I have the most personal experience with I may consult someone else for the part about keys.

It is my opinion that posters hate hanging up on walls and have a rather odd affection for floors… especially carpeted ones. I have had many, many problems with this. One of the scariest is the day when my posters revolted and tried whole-heartedly to decapitate my step-family and myself. On that particular day I was sitting on my bed talking on the phone with my good friend and my Step-Mother and Step-Sister were on my floor playing a game on my Playstation; things were quiet and we were all generally having a good time when something terrifying happened… Three of my posters launched them selves off of my wall and threw themselves at us; all three aiming for our heads. My friend can tell you about the screaming and bedlam that ensued; She heard it all over the phone. That is just one incident of blood thirsty Posters there are more but now I move on.

My next story is one of a sad ill-fated romance between a poster I have and my floor. This poster was a favorite of mine and since my wall is so hard(plaster) I have to use sticky-tack to hang up generally anything… This poster unfortunately loved my floor, at first I put a bit of tack on each of the four corners, and the poster seemed content.. when I came home later after going off somewhere; All of my other posters will still hanging but this one was face down on the floor. This obviously bothered me so, I added a glob of tack in the middle of each side, in the morning it was on the floor again. This unfortunately continued until I had a whopping 10 glops of tack on each side. The poster now hangs on my wall, but almost forlornly and I can tell that it misses the floor with all of its heart and I felt like a bastard for separating them.. I considered holding an exchanging of the rings ceremony but concluded the relationship would never work out.

That ends my bit about posters and now I have to confer with my associate about(or just convince her to write) the bit about keys.

Well… Since we have weird relative type people over, I can't convince anyone else to hide in my room with me... So, I shall be relating the bit about keys to you.

The problem with keys, in my opinion is that they watch to many vampire movies. They can't stand the light… either that or they are very shy.. because they always hide. My personal luck with keys is not good, they are never where I put them… and then I look again and they are where I put them and have a smirk on their cold metallic faces. And should I ever put them in something like my totebag; they switch compartments and swim all the way to the bottom like stupid little flounder fish. But, that is nothing to the amazing ability that my sisters keys seem to posses.. and here is that:

My sister's keys can teleport; specifically to the bottom of her purse. Her keys are very very talented, She will set them on top of her purse in the car, and after a five minute drive she will have to hunt for them at the bottom of her purse. She will set them on the top of her purse and we'll go in to Wal-Mart… when we come out (anywhere from 5min to 2hours later) they will magically be at the bottom again. I find this talent baffling and scary… and we have both decided that we could seal her purse inside a bag; put a 2x4(as in the piece of wood) on top of it and then set the keys on the board.. and in an hour the keys would be at the bottom of her purse. One reason this is so likely is because I swear that one day she *zipped* her purse and set the keys on top…. A car drive later.. they were in the bottom of her purse.

Are posters love sick and blood thirsty? Are keys vampiric, shy and able to teleport? You decide for yourself, but I am convinced.

See you next week. E-chan