I was sitting in my sister's house the other day when I suddenly said: "Naming something weekly is a big pain in the arse." needless to say she responded with a perplexed glance and politely asked what I had been inhaling recently. I sighed, "My columns... I haven't written week three yet and its about time for me to post week four." She rolled her eyes at me and I wrinkled my nose and explained, "This is why you *never* dub anything weekly; It promises way too much.. You're obligating yourself to do something once a week. Periodical is a much better word because it could mean anything. Weekly, monthly, whenever; You don't have to feel guilty. I swear, I don't know why this didn't come to me before and now that everyone has been introduced to this... I can't possibly change it to a periodical..*grr*"
See how awful that is? Never, never put yourself through that! If you think you are going to do something on a regular basis or you want to write a column or something say it is a periodical! Don't give yourself this horrible burden! I mean, if you say its weekly people *actually* *expect* *something* *every* *week* can you believe that? Like they think you really meant every week... sheesh."
Anyway, thats my solemn warning... and I promise to try to write something every week... Now onto the real subject: Pointless Titles. I hate them I'm talking about the titles that have *NOTHING* to do with anything. I have found that James Bond movies are the worst at this. A good example is "From Russia With Love" this has nothing to do with the movie what-so-ever at all. The only time that phrase is woven into the movie is when Bond recieves a picture of the woman he is to find/watch and he flips over the picture - for *maybe* 3 seconds you see that "From Russia; With love." is scrawled on the back of the photo. That is the *only* association between title and movie.
Another Bond title that is equally annoying is "The World Is Not Enough" (in case you are wondering, I *love* 007 movies... the titles just erk me) In this movie the title is clinched at the very end; The bad chickie says: "But Bond, I could give you the world!" and he says; "The world is not enough." I mean... *ggrrrr* nowhere else in the movie does the title have any meaning. They could have called the movie: "I Kill You Dead Bitch!" instead of "The World Is Not Enough" and just had Bond say that - titles like that are made just to annoy people. At least in "From Russia With Love" the culprit is Russia!
Many, Many movies have this problem another that comes to mid is: "To: Wong Foo, Thanks for everything - Julie Newmar" although the movie is funny, the only time the title is seen/has meaning is in the begening when they are in a cafe and a picture is on the wall of the booth they are sitting at and it is autographed with the title.
Books aren't below this trick either I just got done reading a book that through the whole book I waited for an association with the title. The book was "Cruel and Unusual" by Patrica Cornwell; and although most of the titles of her books are a little elusive they usualy tie in with the predominate case in the book - however in Cruel and Unusual I found no refference as such.
I would just like to know what possesese people to give things titles that have nothing to do with anything! And, I came up with an answer - Crayons. Its from the Satanis influence inflicted upon us all at very young ages from the names that Crayola gives their crayons. Like: "Tickle Me Pink" Crayola colors annoy me and I've created a list of retarded Crayons if someone should protest the fact that 80% of the color names found in a large box of Crayola Crayons are infact stupid they can go here to see for themselves.
This is E-chan saying goodbye, good luck and never say weekly again.
Have something witty or amusing you want the world to see? Send it to me at: mage_of_dragons@hotmail.com and I'll read it. You could be my next guest columnist ;)