Silliness

I enjoy vast delight in the folly of mankind;
And, God be praised, that is an inexhaustible source of entertainment.
-Lady Mary Wortly Montagu
 
 
 

Sage:"Rowen, what are you doing?"

Rowen:"Dancing."

Sage:"Whyyyy?"

Rowen:"Because I can."

Kento:"Unlike some people I know..."

Cye:"Huh?"

Sage:"That doesn't answer my question. Why are you doing that?"

Rowen:"I didn't go to bed last night and I accidentally overdosed on coffee. I'm one cup away from growing a mustache and walkin' around with a donkey."

Sage:"Oh..."

Rowen:"Yeah, I'm wound tighter than a chihuahua, so nobody sneak up on me unless you want to see me explode."

Kayura:"Do it and die."

Cye:"Boo!"

Rowen flops to the floor unmoving.

Kento:"Oh my God! You killed Rowen!"

Ryo:"You bastard!"

Kayura:"Now you gonna die!"

Kayura chases Cye around with an empty coffee pot.
 

#########################################:<
Rowan's Girl:"Somebody better appreciate the five minutes it took me to make that centipede..."
>:#########################################
 

WHAT IF...ACT 1
What if Talpa was really a Care Bear gone bad?...
 

Dais:"Master, what now? The Ronin Warriors are here!"

Kale:"Master?"

Talpa:"Um...hold on...let me get my helmet on..."

Ryo:"Sorry Talpa, but we're ready now!"

Cye:"Is it just me or did he seem bigger as a floating head?"

Talpa in full armor stands before Ryo.

Ryo looks down at him, Talpa is two feet tall.

Talpa:"Time to die Ronins!"

Ryo cocks his head and pushed Talpa over with his foot.

CLANG!

His helmet rolls to the three warlords' feet.

Talpa uprights himself, revealing a pink nose and orange round ears.

Kento:"What?"

Rowen:"No! He-he CAN'T BE!!"

Talpa:"I am! I am!! Hahahaha!!"

Talpa throws off his armor, revealing a cupcake and candle on his round white tummy

The Warlords' jaws hit ground with a loud thud.

Dais:Kale:Sekhmet:"BIRTHDAY BEAR!?!"

Birthday Bear:"Now I will destroy you, pesky Ronins!! Muahahaha!!"

Sekhmet:"How?"

Ryo:"Well I got a few tricks up my sleeve as well!" :RIP:

Ryo's armor falls off.

Ronin's jaws drop.

Cye: Kento: Sage: Rowen:"TENDERHEART!?!"

A two foot brown bear with a red heart on his tummy struts over to Talpa.

Kento:"Hold up Ryo! We aren't through yet!" :RIP:

Kento has orange fur and a red lock on his tummy

Kento:"ARMOR OF SECRET BEAR!"

Sage: Cye:"That's right!" :RIP: :RIP:

Sage is green with a shamrock

Sage:"ARMOR OF GOODLUCK BEAR!" (yeah...good luck getting a date...)

Cye is light blue with a yellow star on his diaper.

Cye:"ARMOR OF...Tugs Bear? Oh man! I got jipped. Trade me, Kento!"

Secret Bear:"No way, darling booby baby bunker boo!"

The shocked Warlords look at Rowen who shrugs defensively and cautiously makes his way over to them.

Dais:"I'm scared! Hold me Sekhmet!"

The two entangle their arms around each other. (awww! [awww how cute or awww I'm gonna puke, it's up to you])

Kale:"Oooookaaaayyy. I'm just going to leave now..."

Warlords and Rowen slowly back up, then run away as fast as they can.

The Care Bears in the middle of the floor continue to push each other down.

Tenderheart:"Hey Birthday Boy! I got a present for you!" :SHOVE:

Goodluck Bear:"Yeah! Good luck picking yourself off the floor after this one!" :SHOVE:

Tugs Bear is in the corner pouting.

Tugs Bear:"Stupid...dumb...good for nuthin'...more like HUGGIES Bear...Kento can't even keep secrets! Oh!"

The fighting stops and all bears turn to Tugs.

Tugs Bear:"Does anyone happen to have a spare diaper handy?"

Bears presently scream and scatter from the room.

*

Rowen:"I can't believe you had no idea Talpa was a Care Bear!"

Kale:"I can't believe you didn't know your friends were!"

Rowen:"Actually, I suspected something for a long time now...Have you ever heard the way Sage laughs?"

Kayura:"HI!"

All turn at to see a purple bear with a soda and two straws on her tummy.

Dais: Kale: Sekhmet:Rowen:"AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!"

They all run off as Share Bear runs with stubby little legs after them.

Share Bear:"Wait! Come back! I bet you wouldn't run if I was Luv-A-Lot!!!"

Anubis looks down and sighs.

Anubis:"Thank God I'm dead..."

~~~~~~~~~~

Rowen's Girl:"Only further proof there really is no help out there for those who need it the most. By the way, I don't think you've met Drunky Bear yet."

A little bear with a beer bottle on his tummy stumbles out and hiccups before falling on his face.

Rowen's Girl:"My buddy Shanna gave him to me because she's just such a thoughtful wonderful kind and giving person!"  (also because I took her Druggie Bear until I got my own) Isn't he cute!!! Oh! Don't answer until he stops puking..."

A bear with a marijuana leaf walks over and Drunky pikes on him.
 

@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@
 

WHAT IF...ACT 2
What if all the great Warlords were mysteriously transformed into something more...gracefull?...
 

Dais:"What happened?"

Looks around at different surroundings than before.

Sekhmet:"I dunno. We just got zapped."

Kale:"But we're okay?"

Sekhmet:"Seems so."

Anubis:"Warlords...Listen."

They all look up into the clouds.

Anubis:"I have seen you all pounce around like animals for long enough. Time for a crash course in grace. Kayura will be your teacher."

Kale leans over to whisper to Sehkmet.

Kale:"Then I'm droppin' out!"

Anubis:"And if you leave or cause any trouble, I will zap you from my perch on high. Capiche?"

Dais: Sekhmet: Kale:"Capiche..."

Anubis:"Good. You may begin, Kayura."

Kayura:"Okay! Let's go you mutants!"

Such grueling work of teaching and learning balance, poise, elegance, coordination, and infinite patience. (poor  Kayura...)

Sekhmet has fallen on his rear for the thirteenth time while trying to balance on one foot.

Dais walks over and ties a pillow to his butt.

*

Kayura:"Sigh. Okay. Tonight, we wow the Ronins with our abilities. Are you ready?"

Dais: Sekhmet: Kale:"No!"

Kayura:"That's the spirit!"

*

The Ronins walk in wearing their armor and sit down in the small wooden chairs. (Kento breaks his and sits on the ground.)

Lights flash and a red curtain goes up. (being magically suspended in mid air, out in the middle of nowhere in the Netherworld)

Kayura walks out and puts up a large sign.

Kayura:"Prepare to meet your doom, Ronins!"

She walks off triumphantly.

Sign:"Sekhmet Lake"

Sekhmet bounces on screen in green pantyhose and a brown tank top.

Dais jumps over in a white halter top and tutu and Sekhmet catches him. (Dais' illusion makes it look like he has boobs, and Kento whistles at him)

Kale rushes on stage on tiptoes wearing a paper mache snake.

Kayura laughs maniacally as they bounce up and down and twirl.

Cye laughs himself to death.

Kento keels over with a  heart attack because he thought Dais was a hot chick.

Ryo runs screaming head first into a tree and puts himself out of his misery.

Rowen falls limply out of his chair and Kayura scoops him up and carries him off.

Sage sits and watches silently.

Sage:"Some people just don't enjoy fine entertainment...okay! Who's throwing popcorn?"

Sage looks up into the clouds.

Anubis:"Sorry! I dropped some..."

~~~~~~~~~~

Rowen's Girl:"Even dead guys gotta have some fun, right?" ^-^
 

@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@
 

WHAT IF...ACT 3
What if the Warlords wanted revenge?...
 

Kento, Cye, Sage, Ryo, and Rowen are standing in the den with their backs to their audience. (White Blaze)

Quickly music begins.

'He's a special person, in anybody's land. Ready to get down with anyone he can..,'

Kento:"Hey!" He turns.
Cye:"Hey!" He turns.
Sage: Ryo: Rowen:"Hey! Hey! Hey!" They turn and assume the position. (one hand on their belts, the other pointing in the air.)

All:"MACHO MACHO MAN! I'VE GOT TO BE, A MACHO MAAAN..."

They disco and switch hands.

They switch to the conga line and MACHO around the room.

All:"Hey!" Left legs up.
All:"Hey!" Right legs up.
All:"Hey! Hey! Hey!" Right arm, left arm, both.

They disco, then conga back to where they started.

The song ends and they bow to White Blaze.

White Blaze lifts an eyebrow.

Kento:"Next time we should dress up."

Sage:"I get to be the sexy one!"

Rowen:"And I'll be the cop so I can arrest Sage for prostitution..."
 

Kale:"Snicker snicker snicker. Should we show them?"

Sekhmet:"No...let's wait and blackmail them later."

Dais continues to tape them from his perch on the rafters.

Another song starts and they line up again and start lip singing.

Cye:'Hi!'

Rowen:'Hi!'

Sage:'We're your weather girls.'

Ryo:'Uh-huh.'

Kento:'And have we got neeeews for you!'

Sekhmet:"Thank you, Lord..."

~~~~~~~~~~

Rowen's Girl:"I want to see them dress up to that song..."

Kale:"On my mark, jump out of the rafters! 5...4...3...2..."

Ryo: Kento: Cye: Sage: Rowen:"It's rainin' men!HalleluhiaAAAAAHHHHH!!"
 

@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@
 

WHAT IF...ACT 4
What if sage ran out of hairspray?...
 

Rowen:"Does anyone else smell tree sap?"

~~~~~~~~~~

Rowen's Girl:"'Nuff said."
 

@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@
 

Rowen:"Do you hear that?"

Sage:"What?"

Ryo:"Guess that answers your question..."

Cye:"I hear it! It sounds like screaming!"

Kento:"Do you guys smell something?"

Rowen's Girl:"Yeah...Smells like...hormones."

Rowen's eye grow big and he runs in frantic circles waving his arms wildly.

Kayura:"AaaaaAaAaAaaaaa!!!" (sounds like Tarzan)

Kayura swoops in on a vine and snatches Rowen, carrying him off.

Sage:"Ohhh. THAT. Yeah, I heard that."
 

@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@
 

All I want for Christmas...
 

Sage:"What do you guys want for Christmas?"

Rowen's Girl:"Let me guess..."

Kento:"Fruitcake!" (not surpried...you are what you eat.)

Ryo:"Flea collar."

Cye:"For White Blaze?"

Ryo:"No. For Kale."

Kale:"I want to hurt Ryo."

Cye:"I want a security system for my fish tanks."

Cye gives the evil eye.

Sekhmet:"What?!"

Rowen:"I want a security system for myself!"

Rowen gives the evil eye.

Kayura:"What?!"

Dais:"I want a pet tarantula."

Kayura:"I want bug bombs."

Dais looks terrified and runs screaming from the room.

Sekhmet:"I want new friends..."

Ryo:"What about you?"

Sage:"Me? I want Brittany Spears."

All gag...

~~~~~~~~~~

Rowen's Girl:"Sorry Sage fans."( Brittany fans-I feel no pity)
 

@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@
 

Cye:"What's all this? Lunch?"

Sekhmet:"Yes. I made it all for you, as an apology."

Cye sits at the table covered with fried goodies.

Cye:"Oh you shouldn't have."

Sekhmet:"I know...I just couldn't resist!"

Rowen:"Cye..."

Cye answers around a mouthful of food.

Cye:"Yes?"

Rowen:"Where are your fish?"

~~~~~~~~~~

Rowen's Girl:"Thought I'd pick on Cye for a change."
 

@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@
 

WHAT IF...ACT 5
What if the Ronin universe was switched with others?...
 

Kento:"Let go of the remote!"

Cye:"No! It's my turn! YOU let go!"

:ZAP!!:

Tug of war is halted as a bolt of energy shocks the crap out of them.

Kento:"What's wrong with me!?" (he's fallen and can't get up)

Cye:"You're a 500 pound cow, Kento. Hahaha!!" (no need to be rude...)

Kento:"Well at least I'm not a two pound chicken! Ahh! I'm a girl!!"

Sage:"And fat, too."

Sage is now really buff, with black sunglasses, black T-shirt, and jeans. (do the monkey with me!)

Ryo runs in whining and hopping from one foot to the other.

Ryo:"OoohOOhhOOOhhh!!"

Ryo is a little purple dog.

Rowen:"I understand the events that have happened here perfectly. By adding an electrical current into your genetic biological make up, you have somehow mutated by rearranging your DNA, transforming you all into different beings, but leaving your minds in tact."

Cye:"Since when did YOU become boy genius?"

Kayura:"Hahahaha!! You look funny!"

Kayura does a pirouette around the room in a pink tutu.

Rowen:"Kayura! Get out of my monologue!"

Ryo:"OOOhhhhh!!!"

Ryo turns into an imitation of himself being hanged, then burned at a stake.

Sage raises his eyebrow.

Sage:"Stupid dog."

Kayura:"OOOH! A PUPPY!!"

A dark shadow looms and all turn to see Kale, Sekhmet, and Dais enter, looking VERY unhappy.

Sekhmet:"We only want to know two things."

Sekhmet crosses his arms over his green dress.

Dais:"Who did it..."

Dais crosses his arms over his blue dress as his pigtails bob.

Kale:"And which one dies first."

Kale crosses his arms over his pink dress, trying to ignore his hair bow.

Everyone points to Kento and Cye.

Dais shoots his eye laser at them.

Kento and Cye run, and Sekhmet, Kale, and Dais take flight after them.

Rowen looks at Sage, who is looking in a mirror.

Sage:"Brother, you are one handsome sack of man!"

Rowen looks at Kayura as she strangles Ryo in a bear hug.

Kayura:"I just LOVE puppies! And ponies and rainbows and dollies and candy..."

Anubis appears, covered in red fur.

Anubis:"I will put a stop to this, for I AM ANUBIS!"

Rowen cocks an eyebrow.

Rowen:"End, please..."

Iris out as Cye, Kento, Sekhmet, Dais, and Kale make another lap in the background, pursued by Anubis.

Kento: Cye:"AAAAAAHHHHH!!!!"

Sekhmet:"Come back! We only want to talk!" :ZAP!!:

Dais:"Yes! We won't hurt you!!" :ZAP!!:

Anubis:"Come now! Violence doesn't solve anything!"

:ZAAAAAP:

~~~~~~~~~~

Rowen's Girl:"Confusing? Even more than the Care Bears!?" (sorry 'bout the ending, but that's just how those toons usually end...and I'm not that origional...^-^*)
 

@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@
 

What a way to go...
 

Dais tricks Kento into eating razor blades by making him think they're potato chips.

While changing the water in his fish tanks, Cye becomes stuck and drowns.

White Blaze and Ryo get lost in the wilderness and White Blaze is forced to eat Ryo.

Rowen's bookshelves tilt over and fall on his head.

Sage gets brain cancer from using too much hair spray.

Sehkmet gets bitten by a poisonous snake.

Someone mistakes Dais for a spider and steps on him. (BIG person...God maybe?)

Kale gets rabies and Anubis has to shoot him.

Anubis first comes back to life, then SACRIFICES HIMSELF FOR KAYURA AGAIN!

Kayura dies of a broken heart after finding Rowen squished under encyclopedias.

~~~~~~~~~~

Rowen's Girl:"Oh so morbid! Sorry!"

Kento:"What...the hell...was THAT!?"

Rowen's Girl:"Sorry! I'll do me!"

*
Rowen's Girl dies of boredom as she has no one else to write about.

Sage:"Or pissed off Ronins kill her..."

*

Rowen's Girl:"Better?"

Kento:"I guess...AND I'M NOT THAT STUPID!!"

Rowen's Girl:"Be content. It was either that or you and Cye got lost in the wilderness and you were forced to eat him, but choked." ^-^

Kento chases RG around with a meat cleaver.
 
 

@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@
 

Why do we love them?...
 

Rowen's Girl:"What do you think are their most endearing traits?"

Kayura:"What do I think? Hmm...that's a toughie! Well, let's see...It would have to be Cye's sweet, kind, gentle, and loving nature..."

CRASH!!

Cye:"Get back here Kento! I'm gonna kill you!"

Kayura:"...um...ahem. As I was saying, it would have to be Kento's determination, will, and unfaltering strength..."

Kento:"Oooowww!! RG! Cye hit me! Waaahhh!!"

Kento runs in and falls limply to the floor as Cye nails him in the back of his head with another CD. (used it like a frizbee)

Kayura:"Sage's clear headedness and cool and calm demeanor..."

Sage bounds breathlessly into the room.

Sage:"WHO USED THE LAST OF THE HAIRSPRAY!?!"

He starts hyperventilating and passes out in the middle of the floor. (with extremely messy hair)

Kayura:"...R-Ryo's great impact and influence as a great leader..."

Ryo walks into the room looking at the back of a box of frozen waffles.

Ryo:"RG? Should I use the microwave or the toaster to-oof!"

Walks into a wall and knocks himself out.

Kayura:"And Rowen's quick thinking and CUTE little accent!"

Rowen:"I have an accent!?"

Trips over the blockade of human bodies and is knocked unconscious.

Kayura takes this opportunity and whisks Rowen away.

Rowen's Girl:"...I thought it was just their looks..."

~~~~~~~~~~

Rowen's Girl:"Kayura sure seems to like whisking Rowen away when he's out..."
 

@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@
 

WHAT IF...ACT 6
What if Sage got tired of being mobbed by girls (heaven forbid!) and asked for help?...
A.K.A.: What are friends for?
 

Sage runs into a room, out of breath.

Sage:"That's it! I've had enough!"

Cye:"What?"

Sage:"Girls! Everywhere I go, GIRLS! Help me, Cye!"

Cye:"Alright. All you need is some time off...let's go to the aquarium!"

He asked for it, so Sage nods and follows.

*

Kento:"Man! You look like a drowned rat! What happened?"

Sage spits out a mouthful of water, looking displeased.

Sage:"Cye took me to the aquarium to get away from girls, but I slipped and fell  into the tank with the sharks."

Kento:"Oh..."

Silently notes the kissing lips print on his boxers through a hole in the butt of his jeans.

Sage:"Do you think you could help me?"

Kento:"Sure, bro. Let's go to the kitchen."

*
Sage:"Tell me why we're doing this again?"

Kento:"Sigh...I told you. I  eat and almost nobody  follows me around..."

Stuffs another burger into his face.

Sage:"...Soooo if I eat like you, no one will follow me?"

Kento:"I didn't say no one..."

Sage:"Sigh...I can't. I need everyone to leave me alone. Besides, if I eat any more I'll explode!"

Sage sadly walks out into the woods as Kento commandeers his discarded plate.

Ryo:"What's up? Whoa! What's that smell!?"

Sage:"Hey, Ryo. I'm trying to lose my constant shadow of girls, but so far I've only been half drowned and fattened up."

Ryo:"So that's a 'Kento Specialty Buffet' I smell..."

Sage:"Yeah...Ryo, will you help me?"

Ryo:"Sure. You just need to relax. Let's go swimming. I'll just get WB..."

White Blaze enters the clearing, takes one sniff of the air, and is all over Sage like white on rice.

Sage:"HE'S GONNA EAT ME!!"

Ryo pulls a drooling WB off and Sage runs screaming to his room

Rowen:"Oh my GOD! What happened to you!?"

Sage catches his breath.

Sage:"...I've almost drowned, almost exploded, and almost been eaten."

Rowen:"What for?"

Sage:"Rowen...will you help me repel girls?"

Rowen:"You insinuatin' I know how?" (cuz he doesn't!)

Sage:"NOO! NO! I'M NOT!! REALLY!"

Rowen eyes him skeptically and walks away.

*

Sage:"I don't know, Ro. I'm trying to escape...being in public won't help a whole lot."

Rowen:"Trust me...ignore them and they'll go away."

On cue, the mob appears and thickens as Sage ignores them.

Rowen sees his miscalculation and thinks.

The girls all suck in their breath, and blushing, hurriedly walk away.

Sage's eyes are wide.

Sage:"Um...thanks..."

Rowen smiles.

Rowen:"No problem. Anytime."

Releases his firm grip of Sage's left buttock.

Rowen:"They bother you again, just call on me. After all, what are friends for?"

~~~~~~~~~~

Rowen's Girl looks at check list on clipboard.

Rowen's Girl:"Okay...so that's Cye...Sage..."

Eyes Kento deviously.

Kento:":GULP!: You already got me with the Village People!"

Rowen's Girl:"Groupies don't count. Muahahaha!!" (rubs hands eagerly together)

Rowen's Girl:"Also, just so you all know...if I ever saw ANY of the Ronins or Warlords, I'd mob them."
 

@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@