War And Peace
Chapter 12
Zechs shook his head groggily and tried to sit up but a sharp pain in his chest forced him to lie back down. He could barely hear the doctor's words over the hum of machinery, something about his circulation. Zechs forced his eyes open and was surprised to see Noin looking down at him, her face blank but her eyes told a different story. He groaned and sat up, ignoring the pain and took of the oxygen mask that covered his face. He was thankful Noin was there because he had no doubt that it was she who had stopped the doctor from removing his mask. He tried to smile but only managed to grimace at his friend. "Surprised I came back alive, huh," he asked, trying to joke, but the look on her face persuaded him to stop. "Zechs what happened out there," she whispered and he closed his eyes, leaning back against the bed. "I really underestimated Tallgeese. It completely ignores the commands of the pilot. It has an audacious design that far exceeds today's most advanced equipment." He managed to say and looked up at her awaiting her reply.
Noin looked down at Zechs, trying not to grab him and shake some sense into him. Not only did he vaguely answer her question, he made sure that his response was confusing enough to warrant her asking a few of her own. Noin sighed, "It ignores the pilot?" She asked the question hesitantly when she saw the self-loathing evident in his ice blue eyes. She watched as he struggled to sit up and stifled the urge to help him. She wished the doctor would leave so that they could have some privacy, at least to allow her a few minutes to look beneath his helmet and make sure that there was some part of him that had escaped unscathed. Noin listened as Zechs told her how he had ignored his body's warning and continued to push his self to the brink of death. She winced when he called his self a coward and closed his eyes, ashamed of his actions. She thought he had finally given into the powerful medicines the doctor had given him and was surprised when he spoke again. "That Tallgeese isn't a combat mobile suit but rather it is a suit for dueling. Unless you are ready to die, you cannot effectively pilot that suit." Noin considered his words and sighed. A part of her was reassured by his words, at least he didn't wish to die, but another part of her wondered if perhaps he had hit his head too hard; he was making no sense. "Unless you're ready to die," she questioned softly and looked down at him. She was startled at the low chuckle that escaped his lips as he explained; "I still have a long way to go if my own fears are putting me in the hospital. Now I've got to get back to Sank Kingdom." "You can't go back! Don't forget it was a miracle that you came back alive! I'll go to the Sank Kingdom. You stay here!" She stopped when she realized that she was yelling and looked down at him, pleading silently for him to stay in bed.
Zechs saw the concern in her eyes and was touched. It still surprised him that she cared for him and despite all the time they had spent together, he still wasn't entirely used to the idea. Duty came first and he tried to sit all the way up, "I have to go." Zechs looked up in shock when he felt her hands on his shoulders pushing him back against the bed. He swallowed hard at the heat coming from her and tried to focus on the words coming out of her mouth. "Fine, I'll let you go but you have to promise not to use the Tallgeese." Zechs bit his lip; not using the Tallgeese was insane. "Noin, the Tallgeese is essential to victory, its design is the same as the Gundams." He allowed her to push him back against the bed as and answered her question concerning his statement; "I believe that the Gundam's design was inherited from the reckless design of the Tallgeese. That's why I have to be able to handle Tallgeese; it's the only way to beat the Gundams." He looked up at her and tried to forget about the hands on his shoulders. "Zechs," he looked up as she spoke and saw the concern in her deep blue eyes, "I understand what the Sank Kingdom means to you, but right now I need you to listen to me." He nodded slightly, "We will depart tomorrow afternoon." "Yes, sir," was her curt reply as she turned to talk with the doctor. Exhausted, Zechs lay back against the hard bed and closed his eyes. He forced his eyes open when Noin's startled voice echoed throughout the tent, "What was that?" He looked out of the tent and was shocked to see the Tallgeese moving. Zechs sat up and quickly yelled for Otto to come back.
Noin glanced over at Zechs and was surprised by the concern on his face. "Noin," he groaned, "come here please." Curious as to what he wanted from her she walked to his side and gasped as he gripped her arm tightly, "I need to speak with Otto." She followed his gaze to the COM unit seated in the corner. Understanding his unspoken question immediately, Noin placed her arm around his waist and helped him stand up. She could feel her face grow hot as he wrapped his arm around her shoulders and helped him walk towards the unit. He was heavy and Noin struggled a few times under his weight. She felt his hot breath against the side of her face as he whispered, "Sorry Noin." She smiled and nodded slightly. The COM unit had been only a few feet from the bed but it had seemed to take forever to reach it yet at the same time it hadn't taken long enough. Noin accessed the unit with her free hand and watched as Lt. Otto's face appeared on screen. "This Tallgeese is the only one capable of gaining control of the Sank Kingdom. I know Tallgeese's power better than anyone!" Noin glanced at Zechs as he ordered Otto to stop and saw the pain on his face when Otto told him that he would be proud to die for his cause. She felt Zechs tense in her arms as Otto cut their connection, "Otto what are you saying… Otto come back… Otto." Noin felt his legs buckle beneath him and struggled to hold him up. "Get a chair," she ordered and knelt in front of him. "Zechs," she whispered anxiously and was surprised when he gripped her arm harder than she would have thought possible for a man in his condition. "Noin help me… I must stop him," he groaned and released her. "Get a chopper ready," she yelled at the soldier who had gotten her the chair before returning her attention to Zechs. She gripped his open jacket in her hands and somehow managed to fasten it back together over the bandages.
Zechs struggled to get to his feet as he heard the chopper approach but found that he was weaker than he had thought. It hurt his pride to have to lean on and depend on Noin like this in front of his men, but he noticed that none offered to help. He sighed as he finally entered the chopper, Noin at his side. "Hurry," he ordered and watched as the scenery began to fly by. His heart pounded as the truth of the moment hit him; if he had been able to successfully pilot the Tallgeese none of this would be happening. Zechs closed his eyes as Otto's last words echoed through the chopper, guilt choking him. He ignored Noin as she tried to comfort him and managed to croak out the order to head back. Time seemed to stand still as the chopper flew back to the small camp and images of the young man he had just killed filled his head. Zechs hung his head as he accepted Noin's help in exiting the chopper. He slowly made his way to his personal tent and lay down on the bunk. To his surprise and dismay Noin left him there alone and in the silence he could hear the gossip of the other men. They called him a killer, a murderer and with every insult thrown Zechs sank deeper into the abyss of his guilt. He stared into the darkness as the moment played over and over in his mind. With every replay he saw something else he could've done differently and it ate at him. So lost was he in his thoughts that he failed to hear the low voice that asked permission into his tent. He looked up in shock when he felt a gentle hand on his shoulder, "Are you all right Lt. Zechs?" At once he knew it was Noin and he gripped her arm hard, the unwelcome usage of him title causing something to snap inside him. "Dammit Noin how many times have I asked you not to call me that," he growled as he pulled her down beside him. She was silent and immediately he felt ashamed. Zechs released her and turned away. "I killed him Noin," he whispered as grief and guilt formed a knot in his throat.
Noin wrapped her arms around the proud man before her, ignoring him as his body tensed within the circle of her arms. "It was his decision Zechs not yours. You can't take responsibility for his actions; its not your fault," she whispered against the warmth of his back. She gasped when he pulled away from her and yelled, "It is my fault Noin. If I hadn't been such a coward and destroyed the base then Otto would be alive right now." "And you would be dead. Is that what you want," she whispered softly and turned away. She stiffened when she felt his arms around her waist pulling her back against him, "No, that's not what I want… that's why I'm a coward." Noin turned in his arms and buried her head against his chest. "I don't want you to die Zechs," she whispered softly and then lifted her head and pounded her fist into the firm flesh beneath her. "You scared the hell out of me today and no matter how awful it sounds, I'm glad that it was Otto and not you," she said softly as she looked up at him. She stood on her tiptoes and brushed her lips against his, "I love you Zechs and nothing is going to change that." With that said she pressed forward and kissed him, putting all her fear and love into the kiss. She gasped as he returned her embrace with equal ardor and groaned as he lowered them to the floor of the tent.
Zechs woke up and looked over to where Noin had been. She had left early that morning, not wishing to start any unnecessary rumors about them. He sighed and turned over to his side. The words that he yearned to say to her remained unspoken. The urge to express how he felt about her had been especially strong last night and more than once he had to stop his self from groaning the words during their lovemaking. He hated hiding his emotions from her but he done just that for so long that it came as second nature to him. Zechs glanced up as he heard the flap of his tent rustling and struggled to locate his mask in the tangle of sheets and discarded clothing. "Relax Zechs, it's only me," he heard a gentle voice say and he smiled up at her. She looked like and angel with the sunlight illuminating her from behind and he fought the urge to pull her down to him again. "What time is it," he asked groggily as he tried to sit up. He blinked, surprised by the pain that such little movement caused; he didn't remember anything painful about last night. Zechs shook his head, deciding to steer his mind clear of that particular line of thought. He stood up, not bothering to hide his nakedness, and smiled as a faint blush tinted Noin's cheeks. "Where do you think you are going," she asked playfully and Zechs debated whether or not to tell her about his plans. He had decided last night as she rested, sated in his arms, to visit the place that he had grown up in. A place that for the most part was the setting for his happiest moments. Deciding that she would try and talk him out of it, he kept silent. Zechs dressed and placed the silver mask over his features. He was silent as he thought about what he would do once he got there.
Noin watched as he straightened his jacket and smoothed his long platinum hair. She had no idea what he was planning to do but she had a damn good guess. She knew that with the base destroyed that the county's palace, Zechs' childhood home, would be unguarded. Noin smiled to herself, she knew exactly what he was going to do and knew that he would want to do it alone. As much as she wanted him to take her along, she respected his privacy enough not to ask. She could only hope that if both of them survived the upcoming war that he would one day show her the place of his childhood. "Do whatever you have to do Zechs, we leave in 0400 hours," she said gently as she walked over to him and brushed a stray strand of platinum hair back from his face. Ignoring the dubious look on his handsome face, she kissed his cheek and exited his tent. Noin sighed and motioned for the soldier nearest to her to follow; she had a lot of work to do.
Zechs smiled when he heard her shouting orders left and right for the soldiers to pack up the camp. Knowing her well enough to recognize her attempts at a diversion, he quietly exited his tent and made his way towards the inner city. Zechs was amazed to find that, despite all the years that had passed, he could still recognize the worn paths of his childhood; paths he had used to play pretend that he was anything but a prince ad paths that he had used to walk quietly down and dream. He let his memories guide him back to the place of his youth and before long he found himself standing in the doorway to the huge palace. It was still beautiful despite the stains of warfare and he could see it as it had been before the attack. Tentatively he made his way down the long corridors of the palace, revisiting familiar places. He was amazed to find his room was still intact and decided to tuck that useful bit of information away in his plans of things to do after the war. Zechs smiled when he saw that his sister's crib had survived unscathed and found it amazing that anything had survived the huge blaze of fire that had threatened to burn the very heavens so long ago. He took a cursory glance at his watch and was surprised to find that he had passed so much time reliving his past. He needed to leave but there was one last thing he needed to see. Zechs walked toward the huge dinning room that had hosted many huge parties and stood still when he saw that his father's portrait still decorated the wall. He remembered the day it had been painted and how much his father had hated it when they had hanged it in the dining room for all to see. He remembered that his father had thought it to be a very crude and self-serving thing to do. Zechs sighed and closed his eyes. His father had truly been an extraordinary man and a true hero. He walked toward the portrait and, as if in a trance, took off his mask. Staring up at the man who had sired him, who had given him his blue eyes and for whom he wore his platinum air long for, Zechs felt a knot of emotion constrict his throat. He knew it was foolish but he stared up at the portrait and struggled to explain himself to a man who had long abhorred violence and bloodshed. "It took me 13 long years to return to these grounds. Father, forgive your son. There's been much bloodshed along the way and I've only been able to live a lifestyle that counters your teachings based on the principles of total pacifism. My hands they are too stained with blood. I am completely unfit to lead the Peacecraft monarchy." He glance down and noticed a small picture frame lying there. He reached down to pick it up and was surprised to find that it contained a picture of his sister and a picture of him, as a young boy, holding her. Zechs closed his eyes and tightened his fingers on the tiny picture frame as he looked back up at the likeness of his father. "However, she will be the one to restore your ideal kingdom, Father... And I will fight to make that happen. I have failed you, please forgive me." The last words were choked out as he lowered his eyes and placed the photographs back on the table. He picked up his mask and, with one last look as his father, he walked out of the palace. He made his way back to the camp in record time, anxious to escape his past. He ignored the questioning looks of the soldiers as he reappeared in the camp and entered the cargo plane. He took his seat in the middle chair and ordered the soldier's piloting the craft to lift off. Zechs sighed as the plane passed over the small kingdom, farewell father.
