Three years. Since he last saw her. Three years out in space. Far from his friends. Far from her. Working on getting rid of his own issues. His own ghosts. Before he could go back to the people he cared about. Before he could be any good to them.
Three years since that day he saw her leave for Earth. A huge smile on her face, but her eyes were red. She had been accepted into medical school. He had always known that she would eventually go back to that. Once the war was over. She had never really wanted to be a soldier anyway. She kept saying it, how she'd go back to school and become someone positively useful, like a doctor, for one thing. Like her best friend Sally. Once the war was over.
It was natural. Relena didn't need her any more, Wufei's Preventer training was complete... she could go. They let her go. And she left, with her big backpack with a Canadian flag stitched on it to cover up the OZ logo. With anticipation in her eyes. Back to Earth. Back to being a civilian. Starting out from scratch, a new lease on life. The way she would have lived it if it hadn't been for the war. Three years of not seeing her or having any contact with her other than their occasional e-mails. Of not knowing whether she was happy or not. Though he had a feeling she would be. Did she still wear the pendent? The one he had given to her the night before she left. The heart-shaped one the colour of her eyes. The doubt flashed in his mind as he acknowledged that he had lost touch with her. Did she still remember? He was going to find out soon enough.
At her hospital. He was going to show up there and surprise her. Hoping she would be working that day. He felt his knees go weak and his heart jump to his throat as he walked through the doors of the Emergency Room. Maybe it was the smell ... that bitter, mediciny smell had always given him the butterflies in his stomach. Or maybe it was the thought that he would soon be bumping into her. Maybe even as she rolled in a patient in critical conditions, right off the ambulance. Suddenly he doubted whether it was a good idea at all... him showing up like that... no notice or anything... after three years. He took a deep breath. The bitter, mediciny smell stinging his lungs.
He looked around. Patients waiting. A mother with a little baby in her arms. Worried. Her husband by her side, comforting her, "It's just a little temperature, honey... nothing to worry about." Another parent with a screaming child in a tiny hockey uniform. About five years old. His arm swollen. Sprained wrist or something. Two teenagers. An old lady with her husband. Faces. Of adults and children. Normal people. Just as he was thinking the war must have left her for ever, a team of paramedics barged in, wheeling in an accident victim in life-threatening conditions. He observed the doctors rush over and start working on the unconscious patient. Coordinated like clockwork, like a perfect team. Of soldiers in battle. He shook his head, as he realized that she was still fighting a war. She was still drawn to battles and fire lines. Except now it was her own battle she fought. Not his any more.
He walked to the reception desk. A friendly-looking lady greeted him. "Hi... I'm looking for Dr. Lucrezia Noin... is she in?" His voice had come out sounding almost shaky. The lady checked on the large erasable board at the back of the room. She had just started her shift, she explained, so she wasn't sure who was there and who wasn't. She went and asked another receptionist. Jerry, a big fellow with a friendly good-giant face. His voice thundered, "Luke? Oh, yeah, she's in. Look, on the board... Dr. Weaver, O.R. # 6." Dr. Weaver? Zechs could not understand. He repeated to the receptionist it was Dr. Noin, Lucrezia Noin, he was looking for. "Yes, Lucrezia," the lady repeated, "black hair, dark blue eyes, young... I know who you mean," she meant to reassure him. Then she mumbled to herself again, "Dr. Weaver... O.R. #6... Ah, an emergency C-section." She turned to Zechs and informed him that she should have been off already, and that he was lucky: she was still there, finishing up a surgery that had popped up at the last minute. He could wait for her there, or they could take a message.
He thanked her and said he would wait. He then went and took a seat in the waiting room. Among the patients. Feeling nervous. Wondering why he was even there in the first place. Dr. Weaver. Why had the receptionist referred to Lucrezia as Dr. Weaver? There was no logical explanation for that. None whatsoever. Unless she... He suddenly felt stupid for the thought even crossing his mind. "Lucrezia... married? Ah, no way!" he said to himself, trying to laugh about his own silliness. Yet... why else? The doubt started pounding in his head. It had been three years. Three long years of not seeing her. Anything could happen in three years' time. And, besides, she never really talked much about her personal life in her e-mails. It was always about work. He suddenly remembered how they used to end their messages with "Lots of love", or "Miss you a whole bunch"... then after a while she had stopped. And her favourite closing sentence had become, "Gotta go now: I'm beeping," referring to her pager going off to call her on shift. At first he hadn't even noticed the change. She was always so busy, from the sounds of it. But now her forgetfulness was starting to take on a different meaning. And it hurt.
"Could it be?" he thought, his face paling, "That she ... met someone. And that they got married... without even saying a word to me? Or Sally, or Une, or anyone else?" He found himself clasping his knees. His hands trembling. Suddenly felt self-conscious about his emotions showing in a public place. "What makes me think that she would want us there, anyway? Now that her life is good," he reproached himself, "she doesn't need us reminding her of the war years. I couldn't blame her for wanting to lose touch with us." His eyes were staring at the floor, as if expecting the answer to come to him. "Am I too late? Of course I am. What did I hope, that she would wait for me for ever?"
He waited there for what seemed like ages. People came and went. Patients being rolled in, patients leaving. Doctors and nurses coming and going. But still no sign of her. Would he find her changed at all? Happier, maybe. After all, saving lives suited her a lot better than fighting wars. He was jerked back to reality by the squealing voice of a young nurse. "Hi, Dr. Weaver! Waiting for Dr. Weaver?" she chirped. He raised his eyes. She was talking to the gentleman sitting right beside him. A baby in his arms. Was that... her husband, then? He felt his head spin as he kept watching them. The nurse's voice paying a compliment to the baby. "Hi, Clare. Boy, you just get cuter by the day, don't you, munchkin?"
It was all so surreal. He sat there, studying them, glancing with the corners of his eyes, trying not to look too obvious. He was certainly handsome. A little older than him. Short dark hair... like a good family man. A nice, open smile. Pale green eyes, with a gentle expression in them. The kind of eyes that belong to a man of peace. One who, no doubt, couldn't even fathom what it's like to kill another human being. And, from the sounds of it, a doctor, too. Just like her. He found himself hating him. Hating his perfect life. Hating the thought that he was the one she loved. He was the one who made her forget about him. And gave her what he hadn't been able to give her yet.
Did he have a clue who he was sitting beside? Did he have a clue it was the first person his wife kissed? The first man she made love to? No, how could he know who he was? Lucrezia probably never even told him about her war years. About Victoria Academy and Preventer. Or how he used to sneak up on her as she was working on her Aries, her green coveralls all mucky with engine gunk. How he would kiss her neck, and she would yelp and almost jump through the ceiling and start scolding him for almost giving her a heart attack. Then she would press her lips on his. And they wouldn't let go of each other.
Much less would he know about their first time. Both so nervous, jittery. He had never seen anyone look more beautiful than she did that night. Those scorching dark blue eyes. Her skin. The way the candlelight played with her colours. He closed his eyes as the memories shot through his brain, painful like arrows. How he had fumbled with the buttons on her shirt. Let it slide off her perfect shoulders. How she had looked away, smiling and blushing as she tucked her bangs behind her ear. How she had entwined her hands with his and then sat back on the bed. Pulling him closer. Ever so slowly. And how she had kissed him through the pain and the passion and the pleasure. Saying his name. Her voice quivering. Her breath gasping. And how he had held her and never wanted the morning to come. Watched her sleep like she was the most precious thing he'll ever possess in his life.
Did he ever tell her, afterwards? No, he just assumed she knew. He assumed too many things about her, that was the whole problem. He assumed he could spend three years in space and never visit her once, and she'd still love him the same. He assumed she would wait for him to be ready to love her like she deserved to be loved. He assumed she would never look at another man and feel what she felt for him. He assumed... that he could just show up out of the blue, at her workplace, after three years, and walk back into her life, and she would be all too happy to accept him.
He was so lost in his thoughts that he hadn't even noticed that something was pulling his hair. A little baby-sized hand. He turned around as he heard Lucrezia's husband apologize to him, trying to gently pry his daughter's hand open and free the long strand of platinum hair she was intent on chewing at. He found himself smiling as his eyes settled on the little girl's face. Little Clare Weaver. Lucrezia's daughter. Beautiful bright blue eyes, just like her mother's. Squirming on her father's lap, wanting to take off and walk around. Her legs still wobbly in her little OshKosh overalls. She must have been about one year old. No doubt she'd grow up to be a strong woman like her mom. And she'd be just as pretty. Give her time to get to high school, and she'd break a heart a day. He felt his anger melt away as he kept following her with his eyes. Lucrezia's end-all and be-all. Of course she was happy. She had everything. Her life was perfect. Even without him in it. Or maybe because he wasn't in it. He had to respect that. And he had to leave now. Before she had a chance to see him. Before he had a chance to wreak havoc into her life again. She was happy; he must be happy with that.
He quickly got up from his chair, ready to leave. Repeating to himself he must not be selfish. Yet, just as the glass door opened in front of him, he froze right on his tracks. A woman's voice from the back of the reception, "Whew, what a day!" Her voice. He could have recognized it anywhere. Lucrezia laughing with another woman, both bragging about a beautiful set of twins they just brought into the world. And the two parents looking so cute. He had to fight the urge to turn back and see her. At least see her smile. But no, it wasn't right. He heard Jerry's mighty voice mock her, "Hey, Luu-uke... you got visitors today..." "That's right", he thought, as he walked out. "Her family's here for her."
He wandered around the parking lot for a while. Thinking it was stupid of him to come. Unable to remember where he had parked the car. But the fresh air felt good. He needed it so he could think straight again. Before getting behind the steering wheel. A sarcastic smile on his face. "What an idiot. What a clueless idiot I am." He wasn't too sure where he was going, but he eventually found himself in front of his car. He fiddled with the key. Opened the door, not quite ready to get in. "This is it. Good for you, Lucrezia. Time to get going. Now." Why won't that stupid lump in his throat go away, no matter how hard he tried to swallow it down? He shook his head at his own screwed-up feelings.
Suddenly, he was startled by something touching his shoulder. A woman's hand. He turned around, and his eyes widened in astonishment. There she was, standing in front of him, in her green surgeon's uniform, her stethoscope still draped around her neck. Smiling at him, yet not saying anything. He noticed a spark of dark blue light cradled amidst her collarbone. The pendent. She still wore it. She still remembered, then. He would have wanted to say something. Tell her how beautiful she looked. That he liked her hairstyle. Longer, past her shoulders. Black waves pulled back in a ponytail. Her long, soft bangs tucked behind her ear. A softer, gentler expression in her eyes. Not challenging him any more.
What on earth was he doing? Reaching out for her. Closing his arms around her. Holding her like she was still his. What an idiot. Her husband could have walked in on them any second. Or she could have slapped him in the face. She was a married woman now. But she wrapped her arms around his neck and rested her head on his shoulder. Like nothing had changed between them. Still silent, but he could feel something wet his shirt and go straight through to his skin. Tears. She had missed him too. And she still cared. He lifted her face and kissed her forehead. Her eyes all red as she wiped the tears away and smiled at him. She spoke first. "That's one heck of a surprise you just gave me, there." She had pulled back from his embrace and was looking away. Blushing.
"Zechs... were you going to leave without seeing me?" Her eyes were now staring straight into his. Mercilessly. He knew she wanted the truth. "Yes," he replied. "Well, not at first. I wanted to surprise you by telling you this time I was back for good. But it seems like I was in for a little surprise, myself." She tilted her head and frowned, unable to understand what he was referring to. His eyes had taken on a cold expression of indifference. "I'd better go now. Wouldn't want your husband to start asking questions, right?"
Her mouth gaped in amazement. But she regained herself right away. She pinned him against the car and exclaimed, "Whoa... wait a second, there. Did I... miss something? 'Cause, see, last time I checked, the only thing I was married to was maybe my job. And you... well, you were somewhere out in the middle of butt-flippin' nowhere, with no intentions whatsoever of coming back in the foreseeable future. Now, has anything changed that I should know about?" He shook his head and smiled. Well, she, for one thing, hadn't changed much. Still the strong, outspoken woman he knew. Still the friend who would take no b.s. from anyone. Well, neither did he.
"I saw your husband and your daughter in the waiting room," he said coldly. "Congratulations, Dr. Lucrezia Weaver. You have a lovely family. Too bad you didn't have the guts to tell me. Would have been nice. You know, just so I wouldn't have kept all these unrealistic expectations about... us." She wouldn't let go of him. Kept staring him straight in the eyes. "Hold on a second," she said, "who told you I was married with a kid? And what's this Dr. Weaver nonsense? How do you even know there's a doctor Weaver at Vancouver General? Well, two, actually, but that's beside the point."
"How could you think I wouldn't find out?" he kept inquiring, his voice becoming agitated, betraying his emotions. "All I had to do was ask at the reception and they pointed you out on a board. Dr. Weaver, O.R. #6. Another Dr. Weaver in the waiting room with a baby that looked like you... What do you think, I can't put two and two together?" She took a step back, her eyes lost in the void. Her brain processing the confusing details of Zechs's accusations.
"Oh... God. You must have talked to Cindy, right?" He couldn't see the point of her asking such a trivial question. What did it matter who he had talked to? "Yeah," he replied, still just as angry, "I dunno, I guess. But that's not the point..." She interrupted him before he could finish his sentence, and mumbled to herself, "Man, I should have known." Then she turned to him and commented, very matter-of-factly, "She's not bad, but she has a way of confusing the hell out of people." Now he was confused. He didn't know where she was going with that. "There's nothing to confuse," he replied, "the name on the board was clear enough, so quit pretending... Dr. Weaver."
She ran a hand on her forehead, then down her face, in exasperation, then she replied, "Yeah, it would seem that way, right? Of course, what she forgot to tell you is that I was *assisting* Dr. Weaver in surgery." He was so stunned that all he could utter was "Wha-what?", followed by a resounding "Damn, what an idiot!" as soon as she started explaining that her name wasn't on the board because she should have been off a couple of hours before, but decided to stick around and lend a hand to her friend Dr. Sarah Weaver for a surgery that she thought was going to be pretty exciting.
"So... you're not Dr. Weaver?" he asked, feeling like a complete loser. "Um... no. Last time I checked I was still Lucrezia Noin," she replied, a mocking smile on her face. "And you're not married?" he continued, straightening the mess in his head. She chuckled, as she blurted out, "God, no! Especially not to Sarah's husband! Heck, I haven't even dated anyone since I got to Vancouver!" Then she blushed, realizing what she had just said and explained, "Ok, I know, it's kind of pathetic, but when you're pulling twelve-hour shifts, then going home to study, then maybe, if you get lucky, get the odd hour of sleep, well, your social life tends to... pretty much go down the tube. So there you have it. Mystery solved?" She raised her eyes to meet his. He could tell that she was not impressed with him. She then turned away, and casually commented, "Oh, by the way, thanks for the vote of confidence..."
He had started laughing, right there, in the middle of the parking lot, saying out loud, "What an idiot. What a friggin' idiot! Hey, everybody, look at me, I'm an idiot! Yep, that's me." He had actually stopped a young fellow, who was walking towards the hospital from his car, and he was going, "Hey, you wanna know why I'm an idiot?" The young man looked amused. "You see that girl over there?" he continued, "Pretty, right?" The guy nodded, just as Lucrezia turned all sorts of shades of red, asking, "Zechs, what the hell are you doing? I work here, in case you forgot!" "Well," Zechs kept on going, "we were in love, right? But I went and left her to spend three years in space. Away from her. When I could have come here with her. Pretty idiotic, right?" The young man chuckled as he nodded.
"But that's not even the worst of it because, see, I come back after three years of not seeing her, and what do I do? I freak out at her, thinking she married someone else. Like she had any obligation to wait for me anyway. Except, she isn't married, so I was basically freaking out for nothing. And now she's mad at me, and rightly so. And I want her to know that I love her. More than anything I've ever loved or ever will love. Now, tell me, am I an idiot, or am I an idiot?" By then, the young man was folded over, practically killing himself laughing at Zechs's antics. He replied, "Yeah, dude, you're a friggin' idiot, man!" as he walked away, shaking his head, mumbling, "All the weirdos come to Vancouver... what's up with that? Must be the weather..."
He then walked back to the car, a sheepish smile on his face. Lucrezia was now sitting in the driver's seat with the door open, her hands covering her face, her legs dangling off the tall Jeep Cherokee. She was laughing and shaking her head, going, "I can't believe this. You're nuts. Wacko. Totally, completely, hopelessly crrrrazy." He went and stood in front of her, smiling and going, "Yep. That's right. Hopelessly crazy... about you." Then he leaned over to bring his face close to hers. Took her hands into his. She was still smiling, though not looking up at him. He stopped, realizing he didn't know whether she still loved him.
"How do you feel about that? Are you ok with me being crazy about you?" he asked tentatively, aware that it probably wasn't the most romantic way of asking her whether she still wanted to be with him. "I... think I'm ok with that," she replied, looking up at him, still blushing. "I'm sorry you had to wait this long..." he mumbled, now knowing the answer to his worst doubts. "Hey," she whispered, taking his face in her hands, "I've known all along that I wasn't just waiting in vain." Her eyes on him feeling so... intense.
"I love you, Zechs Merquise. And it's not gonna change overnight. Even if I wanted it to. And God knows I've wished for it. 'Cause it would have been a heck of a lot easier that way." Her words ringing in his ears. She was still his. After all this time. She still loved him the same. "I love you too, Lucrezia," he whispered in her ear. "So much it scared the hell out of me for all this time. But I'm not scared any more now. I want to be with you. For better, for worse, in sickness and in health... till death do us part."
He then took out a little square box from his jeans pocket and opened it in front of her. She gasped, totally taken by surprise, unable to speak as he slid the diamond-and sapphire band on her left ring finger. "Lucrezia, will you..." he started, as he gently wrapped his arms around her and pulled her down so she would be standing in front of him. He then smiled and looked down at the ground, nervously rubbing his neck, mumbling to himself, "Rewind... Let's start from scratch." Proposing in the parking lot of a hospital wasn't exactly the most romantic way he had pictured, but... he couldn't help going with the flow. He looked up at her as he went down on one knee and repeated the question again, this time getting it right.
"Lucrezia Noin, will you make me the happiest man alive? Will you marry me?" Her mouth opened up in a smile almost as bright as the light that was glowing in her dark blue eyes. "Yes," she replied, her voice broken by the lump that had suddenly formed in her throat. "Yes, yes, yes, I will," she repeated, getting him up on his feet and kissing his face over and over. Her eyes stinging, squinting to not let the tears out. "Oh, hell," she said, as he kissed them away from her cheeks and touched his index finger to her parted lips. "Guess I can let you see me go mushy now... I'm not a soldier any more." He ran his fingers on her neck, as he kept kissing her cheekbones, then the corners of her mouth. His own lips now brushing against hers. Feeling the softness and warmth that he had longed for during those three years of separation. Playing with them, parting them ever so gently. Ever so slowly. Both feeling their knees go weak. Their arms closing around each other. So naturally. The wet softness of their lips so overwhelming as they locked in a deep, passionate kiss.
"Yo, guys! Smile, you're on candid camera!" a deep, masculine voice abruptly jerked them back to Earth. "Aw, man!" Lucrezia seethed, quickly turning around to see a familiar-looking fellow holding a digital camera to his face. "Jerry! Get your ass over here!" she hollered, as she sprinted after him. He turned around, blowing a raspberry, going, "No way, dude! This is gonna go on the picture wall in the reception!" He kept waving the camera in the air, exclaiming, "Alright guys, cough up the money! Luke has a boyfriend and I got proof!" as he ran back towards the E.R., where a group of doctors and nurses were standing in front of the door, including Lucrezia's friends Sarah and Craig Weaver with little Clare. Lucrezia stopped short, and turned around. "Oh, heck," she thought to herself, then called to Zechs, "Come on! Might as well introduce you to the nutcases I work with!"
