IN YOUR KEEPING
Hiya!
Me again, with the latest random act of insanity, fresh from my hard drive.
This one is a songfic based on one of my very fave songs by one of my very
fave artists, Jann Arden. It's a wee bit depressing, but I'd like to think
that it ends on a hopeful note. Anyway... here it goes. Please excuse the
shameless self-insertionism... I figured that at some point I'd have to
explain where my name came from...
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In Your Keeping
A songfic based on Jann Arden's most gorgeous song…
A hospital room, its white walls reflecting a bleak, artificial light. But
outside the window, the darkness of a winter's night has settled in, heavy
with the promise of snow.Tell me I will never die
The blonde man in the trench coat standing in the doorway takes one step
closer towards the bed, hesitating. He takes his place on the chair by the
bed, and leans over the patient, his long hair cascading over the hospital
covers.
Take away my pain
He lays a kiss on the forehead of the dark-haired woman, who does not stir.
His eyes settle on her peaceful expression, to the point that one would
barely notice the respirator and various other monitoring devices that keep
her alive. He takes a quick reading at her morphine drip, just as his lips
utter something indistinct, yet soothing.Rock me gently in your arms
He closes his eyes and sits back. In his mind, it's all happening again.
The gunshot, out of nowhere. Her body, falling to the ground. His scream,
suffocated in his throat. How he crouched and took her in his arms… watched
the red pool expand, stain her uniform, his hands, the asphalt… Powerless.
Say that I'll remain in your keeping.
She wouldn't stay with him, she wouldn't stay awake until the ambulance got
there… And he had wanted to scream, shake her into consciousness, rip the
paramedics to shreds for taking their sweet time getting there… But he knew
all too well that he couldn't fight that battle for her. It was hers, and
hers alone to fight. And he could do nothing but stand by her side and hold
her hand… and pray that she would not be taken from him...
Brush the hair out from my eyes
A slender hand settles on her forehead, runs through her short dark hair,
that lies in disarray all over the pillow.
"I'm not leaving you… I don't know if you can feel me, if you know that I'm
here at all… but I'm not going anywhere without you. So, you see, you can't
give up on yourself, Lucy…"Read mea good story
He reaches inside the pocket of his trench coat, and pulls out a small,
colourful piece of paper.
"Chloe misses you. I think next time I won't be able to leave her with
Relena when I come see you. She wrote you a letter today…"
He reaches for her hand, and lifts it slightly, only to slip the small,
sprinkle-covered envelope underneath her fingers.
"Dear Mom," he begins to read out loud from the hesitant scribbles of a
six-year-old hand.Kiss my fingertips goodnight
He lifts her hand again, to let her hold their daughter's letter as well.
Unable to let go, he finds his own fingers entwining with hers. His head
drops, his cheek resting against the cool softness of that hand, so much
smaller than his own. His lips, raw with all the biting they were subjected
to in order to restrain the tears, finally settle softly on the back of her
fingers.
Say that I can stay in your company.
"Weak… I am so weak. It was only a matter of time until it happened. I
should have never let you get involved with me… never let you put your life
on the line for me." His eyes, blurred by a watery veil, turn to ice and
stone again.
"It was all my fault… I was never any good at protecting you…" he remembers
as images from a lifetime ago come back to him. Back during the war… she
could have bailed out on him, he had wanted her to… But she had insisted on
staying until the end, win or lose, live or die…
"I told you already, and I'm not going to repeat it, Zechs. I am not
leaving your side, so deal with it!"And I know this much is true
He remains in that same posture, his back hunched over her unconscious
figure, his hand clutching hers to his face, as their entire life together
since that moment ripples in front of his closed eyes.
I have lived inside of you
Terraformer… Looking out to space with her as they planned Mars's first
old-growth forest project. Lucrezia with an ear-to-ear grin and dirt all
over her face as she pats down the soil around a baby Douglas Fir. Lucrezia
getting all worked-up about going back to earth and Preventer. Their
wedding day, on the rocky shores of Ireland… her simple white gown windswept
as they exchanged vows. Relena sniffling with Sally…
You have always seen me through
And then Chloe… their little miracle baby who would not wait to be born.
The quick-as-lightning labour in the back of an ambulance. She couldn't
even get her epidural, but had held on to his hand for dear life.
"Breathe, Lucy, just concentrate on breathing."
"Aw, why don't you take your good advice and shove it?! Ow… oh, damn, oh,
crap… You touch me again you're as good as dead! Understood?!"
That endless week of praying and hoping until they were able to bring Chloe
home from the NICU. And then the sleepless nights, both of them taking
rounds of the garden to soothe the colicky infant, until they found out
about those Celtic harp tapes that worked just like magic…
While I am peacefully sleeping.
He strokes her face again and again. "You just concentrate on healing, ok?
Relena and I are taking care of the rest. Sleep a while longer if you need
to… we'll be right here waiting. I'll never let go of you… never give up…
Just like you wouldn't give up on me."You have always been my friend
Her hand twitches. Her fingers slowly closing around his… He looks into her
face, as though waiting for her to communicate something to him. He always
gets this strange feeling when she moves… he can almost hear her, inside his
head."I am not ready to awaken… but I'm not ready to give up, either. I do know
you're here, and I thank you for that. You're what keeps my soul alive
right now… you and Chloe."I can see your beauty shining
"I always knew you were worth it all, Zechs. Don't say it's your fault,
because you and I both know that I always chose to fight with you. Before
and after the war. Don't say you were not worth it, because that belittles
each and every one of my most heartfelt choices…"I will love you till the end
A tear runs down the young prince's cheek, almost carving its way into his
hardened expression.
"No matter what happens, I want you to have no doubt in your mind that I love you. Always did, always will."
His lips tremble for a brief second, before answering back with his own pledge.
Long will I remain in your keeping.
"I love you too, Lucrezia... always. Never give up… I'll never give up on
you." His head slowly raises to look out the window. A delicate flurry of
tiny white flakes dances beyond the glass pane.
"It's snowing…" he utters softly, the liquid feeling of inner peace washing
over his tired body, "and I am here with you… witnessing the very first snow
in the winter."And I know this much is true
The next night, he is no longer alone as he stands in the doorway. His
sister Relena is following behind, holding a little girl's hand.
I have lived inside of you
The child raises her pale blue eyes to meet her father's, just as Relena
relinquishes the small hand into her brother's hand. He kneels down to her
height and whispers something in her ear, while at the same time brushing
the long, raven-black hair away from her face.
You have always seen me through
They all nod, as they step inside the room, the little girl hesitating at
first, then scuttling to her mother's side. She plants a kiss on her
forehead, then her hand moves from behind her back, to reveal a drawing.
While I am peacefully sleeping
"I made this for you, Mom… See, here's me, and here's you, and here's daddy,
and auntie Re, and even uncle Heero, even though he hates ice-skating. When
you're all better, we can all go down to the pond and skate, and then have a
big snowball fight… then Pargan will make hot chocolate with marshmallows…"
While I am peacefully sleeping.
Lucrezia's lips twitch for a second, in what Zechs could swear looks like a
smile. Her fingers give his a light squeeze, communicating with that more
than a thousand words could.
"Thank you, my love. Be patient… just a little while longer… I promise you
I'll be there to skate with you."
