Author's Note: This story has long been playing in my mind, and since I've been too busy to sit down and finish it, I never got to do so until now. And, the usual disclaimer: Sadly, I don't own Zechs and Noin. They're properties of Sunrise, Bandai, TV Asahi, and Sotsu Agency...The only thing that I own here is the idea --- the fic itself. So don't take! If you do… KUNI TORI! Anyway… Read on, and ENJOY! R&R! C&C! Oh, and please don't be too hard on me, ne? Oh, and btw, this fic is inspired by ever-favorite Sarah McLachlan's Full of Grace as well as a bunch of other angsty-sappy songs…!
FIRE AND ICE
Part 1
By: Lucrezia Noin-Peacecraft
She was tired.
No, not of work - she loves what she does. But of something else...
She was tired of this - of living, believing that everything will be fine now that the war was over. Of sacrificing too much of herself for his cause only to find out that...
She stood there, back pressed against her bedroom door as she tried to take in everything. She breathed heavily, closed her eyes, feeling the sudden surge of heat in them. She was tired of this too. Of keeping it all in: her fears, her hurt, her loneliness. She was tired of keeping it all in. Of hiding. And so she let it surface, and let a single tear trickle down her right cheek...And it all welled out.
She never knew how long she had been staying that way: slumped on the carpeted floor, crying her foolish heart out. But she knew it had been minutes before she had wiped her eyes and helped herself up to her feet. She sighed, trying to get her breathing even out, as she made her way clumsily to her bed. She fell on it, face-down, breathing heavily. "Enough..." she said under her breath, "Enough..."
And in seconds, she was asleep.
* * *
He sat there on the couch, head in his hands as the images of the earlier incident play again and again in his mind. 'Oh God, I didn't mean to...' he thought, resenting himself for saying such harsh words to her. He knew she only wanted to help. To help soothe the pain...
How could he be so stupid? So blind? How could he deny himself the very thing that his heart had been longing for? He only knew one answer: Because he didn't deserve it.
It was still there, the images, fresh in his mind, playing before his very eyes...
"Anything you'd like to tell me?" she asked softly as she took a seat beside him.
He didn't reply.
She looked up and smiled thoughtfully. "Let me guess, you're worried about Relena again," she glanced at him and raised a perfect eyebrow, "aren't you?"
No response.
The young woman sighed and closed her eyes. "I know how you feel…Why don't you just tell her the truth? It'll be easier that way than letting her believe that you're already dead…"
This time, she received a response.
A harsh one... One that she doesn't even believe Zechs was capable of saying…
"What do you care?"
"Zechs…?!" Noin gasped. She couldn't believe her ears. Zechs couldn't believe himself either. He had just raised his voice at her. That was the first time in his life that he did…
"You are not me, Noin. Why don't you just mind your own issues and leave me alone? It isn't like you're my mother or something! Why do you always have to get involved?" he growled, waving wildly at her.
"I-I…" Noin stammered, not taking her eyes from him. She backed away, slowly. He never raised his voice at her… Not ever… He might have tried to kill her once but no… He didn't shout at her like a raging lunatic…She kept her mouth agape in shock as she backed away from him
'I'm sorry…' he kept repeating in his mind. 'I didn't mean to hurt you…I just wanted to be left alone, that's all…' But he couldn't make that an excuse. He knew there could be some other way to let her know but that. He was sorry. And for the first time in his life, he did not know what to do.
* * *
Moments later, Noin was already up in her bed, looking drugged. Her eyes red, her hair all tousled, her lips all pale, and tears still staining her cheeks…
'I loved you… But look what you did…'
She sighed heavily. How could she have been so blind? How could she not see it coming? Zechs never told her he loved her. He never did anything to let her know, did he?
Or maybe she was just oblivious of things…
'Hell…' she thought as she wiped at her stinging eyes, 'I'm not gonna guess forever…'
She sighed again in exasperation. She just wanted someone to give her love to… That special someone who would lover her in return… But it turned out he didn't love her the way she did… Or maybe he did. But just as a friend.
"Well I'd be damned if I remain to be just his friend after all that we've gone through…" she mumbled out loud. She slumped against the headboard, balling her right hand into a fist and punching her pillow. "Lucrezia Noin… You're so hopeless…" she chided herself out loudly, feeling the anger and hurt rise inside her.
She sighed again for nth time. Sitting there and moping isn't helping lighten the burden in heart. But it was a lot better option than going out. She didn't want to face him. Not yet. Maybe not ever…
Finally making up her messed-up mind, she climbed onto her feet and groggily made her way towards her cabinet. She stared at it for a second and then placed a shaking hand on the knob.
* * *
Zechs massaged his knuckles. A strange habit he had when he didn't know what to do or when he was in deep thought. He didn't really expect this to happen.
'But you weren't careful…You can't say you're sorry now, can you?'
Zechs scowled as his conscience poked at him. Here it was again… Haunting him… Reminding him how loathsome he was… How unlovable…
"Isn't it enough, yet?!" he cried out in rage, not caring if she would hear. He was tired of this. Of everything…
He could end his life anytime he wanted…
'But this is THE punishment you deserve, Milliardo Peacecraft. You live. You get hurt. No chance at love. Not ever.'
* * *
'No chance at love… Not ever…' the haunting voice taunted him again and again as he silently and slowly went up the stairs. 'Never…'
"No chance at love… Of being loved…" he murmured as he kept his eyes on the carpeted floor, his face covered with his bangs as if hiding him in shame…
He stopped abruptly when he realized that he had already reached Noin's door.
'Apologize? Now I can hardly believe this is the Zechs Merquise I know…'
Zechs took a deep breath, trying to clear his mind first before he hesitatingly placed a hand on the metal knob.
-TBC-
Yatta! I finished the first part!! So, whaddya think minna? Gomen
if it took me so long to finish it... But at least I did, right? ^_~
